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It was a warm day, perfect for having the windows open and the curtains drawn apart— Rain had insisted on having it just so. A gentle breeze was working its way in and the orange tinted light from the sunset casted shadows across his floor.
Even better, Mountain was tucked into his side resting on his chest. Rain had a hand between his shoulder blades, dragging his fingers back and forth. It wasn't just touching, it was feeling . He flattened his hand against Mountain’s back and felt it rise and fall as he breathed. He felt the calming heat flowing into his usually cold self and the strong muscles that held him up time and time again. He felt his mate, his everything. He was Rain’s soul brought into physical existence.
The only noise in the room was the sound of their breathing– even and deep, and they were content to spend the next hours like this.
Moments pass them by and the room darkens, since Rain had forgone switching on the lights in favor of the sunset. The setting is serene, and its pulling Rain into a world of sleep. But the bliss is put on pause when he feels dampness on his chest. He’s just about to look down when he feels Mountain jerk.
“Mount?” His words are whispered, thinking that the earth ghoul had fallen asleep and was having a nightmare.
“Sorry, I didnt mean to wake you,” Funny that they both thought the other was asleep. Mountain tries to keep his speech even, but his breath hitched on the last word. Rain brings a hand down onto his cheek and finds it wet. Mountain was in tears. Rain eased himself out from under Mountain to get a better look at him. He cradled his flushed face and worry sank deep in the water ghoul’s gut.
“I love you Rain,” He choked on the words, and he was just that much closer to well and truly falling apart. He leaned into Rain’s palm hoping it would stifle the pain, but it offered no refuge from his racing mind.
“I know my lily. I love you too, but you need to tell me what's wrong.”
Mountain sits up and hangs his head into his own hands. He feels so, so wrong. His hair draped over his face serves to block Rain's view of the tears that won't stop coming. Rain fixes himself up next to Mountain and watches as his shoulders shake with each sob.
“Im sorry,” The large ghoul sounds so small.
“For what?” Rain couldnt really figure anything out, but he had a feeling of where this was going. Mountain didn't get like this, at least not anymore.
“I'm not good enough for you.” Mountain heaves again before he lets himself slump down, threading his arms around Rain’s waist and resting on his lap. Rain feels his tears soaking into his pants. He cards his hands through Mountain’s hair and gently scratches his scalp– just to give the aching ghoul something else to feel.
This was Mountain’s one skeleton in the closet– a ghost that's been following him around ever since his summoning day. As much as everyone hung around him, as much as the pack included him in their lives, he didn't feel like he belonged. He thought he wasnt good enough. Nothing they said could convince him that he was wanted. It was never for a lack of trying, it was just him. He learned to live with the weight— the corner of his mind that was always occupied. Unlovable. Worthless. The words rang through his head on a daily basis.
Then Rain came, and things changed. His summoning day was a date branded in his mind, carved into his heart. The rest of the pack noticed Mountain was different from that day forward.
He was brighter, lighter and things seemed to get easier. Being around the pack felt more and more natural. Most days, he really felt like he belonged. Rain was always there with a reassuring hand, a pillar for him to cling on. And in the solemn walls of their rooms? Rain worshiped him, soothed him. Rain was his remedy. He fixed so much of what was wrong, held him together in ways he thought impossible.
But Mountain never felt like he was giving as good as he got and the thought had its claws around his neck. Sure, he loved Rain, and he tried to show it. He made him special oils and salves for when his hip acted up during tours. When they were back at the abbey, he let himself be boiled alive just to sit with Rain in a hot bath. He’d spend the whole time kneading at his shoulders, working down to his arms and his cramping hands, trying his damndest to soften the aches. He was his first thought when he woke up, and the last thing on his mind before he drifted off to sleep. For Rain, he would burn down the whole abbey as long as it made him happy.
But Mountain’s twisted mind convinced him that none of it added up to even a fraction of what Rain did for him. He was a burden, only good for exploiting Rain’s adoring heart. All take no give.
“Mountain—” Rain had run Mountain through these talks before, dozens of times. He would never get tired of them though, he would say the words again and again till he was blue in the face as long as Mountain understood how much love he had to give.
Rain hoists the large ghoul up, bringing him back to eye level. He swipes his thumbs over his cheeks, attempting to clear them of tears that just keep being replaced. Mountain feels a soft kiss against the top of his head. It made him feel fuzzy since Rain could never reach it normally.
He feels another kiss to the base of a horn, “You’re always good enough for me,”
Rain’s warm breath ghosts over his skin and he kisses the other horn, “more than good enough.” The words make Mountain shake. They’re always so hard to believe. Mountain keeps his eyes screwed tight because looking at Rain right now would draw out another round of sobs.
“I know you dont think so , I know you think that you dont do enough for me.” Mountain sniffles and he feels soft lips press over each of his eyes. “But you do and I see your love in everything you do Mount,”
“I love the fire in your eyes in the mornings when I catch you watching as I wake up. Its my own personal sunrise.”
Rain nuzzles his face into Mountain’s, like he’s marking him with his scent. He smells like roses and cut grass and freshly turned soil. He smells like his rich element.
“I love when you come up behind me, wrap your long arms around and bury your head in my shoulder. You warm me up so nice.” He follows up with a kiss to his temple before moving them both back face to face.
“I love the sound of my name on your tongue, like it was written by whatever god just for you.” He brings their lips together and he feels Mountain soften. The kiss is indulgent, and soft. They stay like that for awhile, to feel, hoping to bury their taste in the other.
When Rain breaks it apart, he says words that surprises both of them. He’s always wanted to, but of all of their talks, he had never said them outloud.
“Sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself,” Mountain had stopped crying, but he felt fresh tears against his skin. Rain’s breath hitched and he realized he was crying then too.
“And each day we spend together, the idea feels more and more real. You know me, my flower.” He weaves his hands into Mountain’s hair, tugging gently. It makes Mountain groan.
“You know my wrongs, my failures and the darkest pits of my heart. You do right by me every moment that we’ve had.” Rain’s hand finds Mountain’s and brings it up over his heart.
“This is yours, forever. Each beat belongs to you.”
Mountain clears his throat before leaning in to rest his head against Rain’s. Ok. To others, the word is dismissive, uncaring. But Rain knows that this is his way of sounding his acceptance, it's him trying to let the words sink into that murky corner of his mind. Its Mountain’s turn to wipe the tears from Rain’s face.
“I know how much you love me.”
The room is dark and a bit cooler. It's not late by any means, but they’re tired. Their talk was heavy. Their eyes are puffy from tears and they’re both wanting rest.
“Will you hold me?” His voice is more level now and Rain’s heart flips. Always.
Rain pulls Mountain in for a quick hug, squeezing just right— how he knows Mountain likes. He lets go so they can move back to how they were entwined earlier. Mountain has his ear pressed to Rain’s chest again, listening to his heart beat.
A long string of I love you’s pour out of his mouth and Rain just drags his hand along Mountain’s back like before. “I know love. I couldn't doubt it if I tried.”
Mountain falls asleep first and Rain gets to indulge in the sounds of his calm breath and the soft purrs rumbling from his chest. He hopes Mountain dreams of the wide river of his love.