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Todd liked to wear headphones wherever he went, not because he enjoyed listening to music all the time, but because he liked it better when no one talked to him. That especially applied when he went to study at the Dead Poets cafe he frequented, after all, writing poetry was much more feasible if no one else was there to butt in and distract his concentration.
It wasn’t until recently Todd started going to the cafe for a different reason.
Like normal, Todd ordered his dark coffee from Charlie (who is the only employee he’s ever even seen in this cafe, which, to Todd, was quite strange. Don’t they have anyone else here?), and sat in the seat in the corner of the cafe, starting on his assignment for the day.
“Todd!” called a barista from across the counter. Todd perked his head up, pulling his headphones down as he made his way to the voice, eyes downcast to avoid any unwanted eye contact.
“Here’s your drink, sir!”
Todd looked up, caught off guard at the sight of someone who was not Charlie, unfamiliar with the chirpy voice, there was a new face with a wide grin, a small dimple lay on his cheek above a tiny brown mole, and his eyes an encapsulating shade of brown complemented by thick, fluffy brows that ever so slightly feathered at its ends. Todd has been coming here for months, or maybe even a year (well, who’s counting), but he’s never seen this person before (really, only Charlie, strange…). He’d think that he’d remember such a pretty face especially for someone who tends to breathe in their surroundings to prevent any mishaps.
“Um… Your drink?” The barista’s smile faltered slightly, but quickly recovered to maintain an amiable expression.
“Oh, sorry. Uh, I mean thank you.”
Todd grabbed the coffee and rushed back to his seat, face glowing red at the realization his prolonged stare must have disturbed the poor barista. Todd groans into his palms, realizing he forgot to read the name on the nametag and because of the embarrassment he endured. Just why did he have to stare for so long? Well, he sure was pretty, Todd knew that for sure. Pretty enough that Todd was just tempted enough to go back and order something else just to get that server again, but Todd knew better than that. Shaking his head, he placed his headphones back on and went back to work, trying to combat the images of the barista that kept floating in his mind with the stress of his incoming deadline, fighting himself from making glimpses behind his shoulder to watch the mystery boy work.
Later, on another visit, Todd learned that his name was Neil, a name that kept rolling off his tongue like honey later that night in bed. And if Todd visited the cafe more frequently than before, no one mentioned anything to him.
As per usual, Todd enters his now favorite cafe wearing a pair of headphones that play no music. And as per usual, he orders the same dark coffee from Charlie, takes the same seat in the corner of the cafe, one that sets him apart from others and still allows him to get a good view of the workers behind the counter.
Todd stares for a while, watching as Neil and Charlie playfully tussle, the Adam's apple in Neil’s throat bobbing ever so slightly as he laughs, eyes glinting like sunsets underneath the warm lighting of the cafe, dimples forming in his cheeks, dimples that Todd wanted to press his thumbs in while he held Neil’s face. And Neil’s laugh, Todd found himself thinking, was better than any music he’s ever heard. He can’t help but imagine what it would be like to hear Neil calling him to bed, his seraphic voice lulling him to sleep. Oh, to have Neil’s voice in his ear, so small, so faint, oh, what Todd would give to take hold of Neil’s angelic whispers for one day.
Again, as per usual, he groans, face planting onto the table. You barely even know him, Todd scolds himself. At this point, going to the cafe is going to be more problematic than not. How could he work with such distractions? He lifts his head, readjusting his headphones, pulling it tighter to use it as a guise to continue listening to Neil’s glee. Not that anyone would notice, everyone else is too preoccupied in their own work to even care about what Todd is listening to, but Todd can’t help but feel self-conscious anyways.
“Todd!”
Following the same routine, Todd stumbles over to the voice, pulls his headphones down, and prepares to face the ray of sunshine about to ambush him from behind the counter.
“Here’s your drink! You really like dark coffee that much? I think this is the third time I’ve seen you this week. What have you been listening to all this time?” Neil smiles, eyes still illuminated with glee as he holds out the drink for Todd.
“Oh, um, yeah. It’s my favorite. It helps me concentrate. And I’ve been listening to David Bowie.” Todd slightly winces, it’s not like it’s untrue, but he feels a slight unease for lying to Neil; how could he ever even admit that his favorite tune is Neil’s voice? They’ve barely spoken. Todd takes the coffee cup from Neil, the slight brush of their fingers sending electric bolts throughout Todd’s body.
“Oh! I like Bowie, too! What are you working on that you need to concentrate so much?”
Todd looks off to the side, contemplating, one hand fidgeting with itself. “I write poetry. For school. Well, sometimes for myself, but mostly for school. I’m an English major,” Todd finds himself rambling.
“Oh, really? That’s cool! I’m actually majoring in theatre and we’re having a production on A Midsummer Night’s Dream soon! You should check it out.”
Todd looks down at his shoes, smiling slightly. He’s never had the chance to really have a conversation with Neil before, and actually hearing his voice directed to him (of course, besides when he calls him for his drink) makes Todd feel all wobbly, butterflies nesting in his stomach.
“Maybe I will, w-when is it?” Todd stutters, realigning his gaze with Neil’s, trying to keep the excitement and anxiety of talking to Neil from bubbling out of him.
“December 15th. I promise you it’ll be good. No, no, not just good. For you, it’ll be amazing! You’ve got to come!” Neil laughs widely, eyes wide with exhilaration, hands on the edge of the counter as if he’s about to lift off with joy at the prospect of both the play and of Todd’s potential appearance.
How is it that Todd already feels so comfortable around Neil, given that this is their first time really talking? And why is Neil so insistent that Todd come? There must be something different about Neil, a fire that burns so bright that it feels malignant to touch, a hazard to his heart, and yet, so necessary for survival.
“Okay, okay, I’ll see if I-I can.” Todd shakes his head, a tiny giggle escaping him.
“Awesome!” Neil fist bumps enthusiastically, biting back a giant grin. “I mean, great, great, see you there! And, enjoy your drink!”
“Thank you, you t– I mean, thank you…” Todd clears his throat and rubs the back of his neck as if it would prevent the redness from spreading up to his ears, and hurries back to his seat, mentally facepalming. Well, Todd mulls over their exchange, at least I actually talked to him. Todd sets back to work, headphones pulled over his ears, unaware of the silly grin plastered on his face.
“...He’s just so pretty. And cute. And perfect. And, he’s just so amazing.”
Todd’s head whips in the direction of the counter. Was that Neil? Who does he think is pretty? It’s barely been an hour since they talked and now Todd already has to lose it all? Todd knows he shouldn’t eavesdrop on such a personal conversation, but he can’t help but do it anyway (this is Neil, after all), straining his head to stare at the half-written paper in front of him, glad once again that he wears headphones that play no music.
“Yeah, yeah, Neil, this is like the bazillionth time you’ve said that.” Charlie chides playfully, arms crossed as he leans against the wall. “At this point, my ears are going to bleed out.”
“I know! But, like, Charlie, don’t you see? It’s practically impossible for someone to be that pretty.” Neil sighs, placing his chin on his palms. “I wish I could’ve talked to him more. I should’ve got his number, damn it!”
Charlie rolls his eyes, patting Neil on the back. “Well, there’s always another time. I think he might be into you.”
“There’s no way,” Neil starts pulling his face down, “he’d never like me in a million years.”
“Neil, you’re smart and all, but sometimes you can be a real dolt.”
“That’s funny coming from you, Dolton.”
“Good one, Perry,” Charlie retaliates by slapping him on the back, emitting a yelp from Neil, “But, I’m serious. I’ve been working here longer than you, and he’s never come this frequently, not until you started working.”
Just who are they talking about? Todd’s head feels like it’s spinning off. He knew he shouldn’t have eavesdropped in the first place, he knew that it would all end in regret and then he’d have to find another cafe to save himself the mortification and dejection of coming back here. To a place where it’s guaranteed he can’t have Neil. He should’ve known that whatever effect Neil had on him was truly dangerous, he should’ve expected to get burned.
“You’re lying to me,” Neil eyed Charlie suspiciously, arms raising slowly to cross themselves. “That almost makes it sound like he’s interested in me!”
“What do you think I’m trying to tell you, Neil?!” Charlie exhales frustratedly, “He’s so into you! I swear, if I didn’t love you so much I’d strangle you right here.”
“You really think the magnificent Todd, the poet Todd, the oh so beautiful and elegant Todd, likes me? Maybe in my next life. You think if I’m good enough here, I’ll get a chance with Todd in the afterlife?”
What. A wildfire has erupted underneath Todd’s skin.
“Don’t you think you should be more quiet, Neil? Don’t you think he’s going to hear you?” Charlie cautions, looking between Neil and Todd. “Or are you trying to announce your affections to the world? Because I can help you, y’know? All you had to do was ask.” Charlie starts getting up on the counter as if to deliver a PSA.
“You don’t have to worry at all,” Neil grins mischievously, pulling Charlie down, “Todd’s probably listening to Bowie right now.” Still, Neil casts a worried glance to Todd’s corner, Todd quickly ducking his head, pretending to write something on his paper, though, unsure if done convincingly considering the volcanic eruption currently occurring on Todd’s face and in his heart.
Todd can’t find himself to listen any longer, his face a literal cherry, eyes wide, and mouth agape, his heart feels like it’s beating faster than what could be considered the normal range. Forget the idea of regret, how is Todd supposed to handle this? He didn’t expect the eavesdropping would turn him into a sweaty-toothed madman, he didn’t expect to be burned like this. He stands up so fast that he nearly knocks his papers on his table over, and rushes into the bathroom, ignoring the glances that others throw his way, the confused stare that Neil tosses at him.
He’s washing his face, he needs to cool down. No way. No way in hell does it make sense that Neil would have ever fallen for someone like Todd. Is that why he wanted Todd at the play so badly? Surely he was just being nice. Maybe it was a different Todd. But what other Todd just told him that he listens to Bowie, what other Todd just told Neil that he likes to write poetry? Do any other Todds even frequent this cafe?
Todd steadies his breathing, slowly inhaling and exhaling to regain his composure. Todd dries his face off and leaves the bathroom, carefully stepping back to his seat, wary to avoid attracting unwanted attention again. Todd exhales deeply just as Neil approaches his seat.
“Are you okay, Todd? Something come up?”
Of course. Of course Neil is the most perfect person ever, so perfectly kind and caring. What else could be expected of Neil.
“N-no, I’m fine. Thank you, though.” Todd shudders.
“Are you sure? You seemed pretty shaken up…” Neil trails off, words coated with worry, hands pressed to his hips.
“Don’t worry, you can just butt out. I can take care of myself just fine, all right?” Todd cringes, he didn’t mean to come off so aloof, especially to Neil.
“No.” Neil shakes his head.
“What do you mean, ‘no’?” Todd looks up at Neil, baffled.
Neil beams while shrugging his shoulders, “No.” He gently pushes Todd over in his seat, scooting in next to him.
“What? Don’t you have to work?” Todd exclaims nonplussed, the all too familiar warm sensation crawling back up his neck.
“I am working!” Neil softly stomps his feet excitedly, shoulders rolling up. “I’m working on making sure you feel better!”
“What? Why?” Todd can’t help but think he’s a broken record.
“Come on, Toddy, less questioning, more talking!”
“I-I’m fine, really.” Another lie. How could Todd ever be fine, especially since Neil is so close, so close that their arms are touching, their legs are about to overlap, and he’s pretty sure that he can hear and feel Neil’s breath. And, of all, Neil likes him. Neil likes him back, oh god.
“See what I mean? Look at you, you look like you’re about to die of heatstroke!” Neil cups Todd’s face, holding eye contact worryingly, “Do you need any ice, any water? My god, you’re getting hotter! Char–”
Todd swiftly covers Neil’s mouth with his hand. “Really,” he croaks unconvincingly, “I’m fine… You don’t have to call Charlie.” Todd squeezes his eyes shut, his hand warm with Neil’s breath and shaking, hoping he doesn’t ruin what little relationship they have, he admits, “I… um, well I heard you and Charlie talking earlier.”
Neil’s eyes explode widely, a flush painting his face crimson. He looks to the side, then to Todd, then to the side again, then back to Todd. Todd watches as a bead of sweat trails down his face. He slowly pulls his hands away from Todd’s face, grabbing the hands on his mouth instead. He opens his mouth, “Todd, I-”
Todd shakes his head, “W-wait, I haven’t finished.” Exhaling slowly, Todd focuses his gaze on Neil’s, taking a deep breath, Todd expels rapidly, “And, I know that you thought I was listening to music, but I lied. I mean, not that I lied about listening to Bowie, but I lied about listening to music while I’m here. I don’t listen to music, I just like wearing headphones to keep contact minimal, but now recently I’ve also started wearing it to hear your voice without you noticing and I don’t normally listen to other people’s conversations but I like you and I wanted to hear who you were infatuated with, and then I heard it was me and then I think I kind of freaked out a little bit because you are leagues above me and I didn’t think there’d ever be a chance that you would ever like me back and Neil I’ve been thinking about you ever since the first day I saw you and I really like you.” Todd stops to catch his breath, eyes anxiously searching Neil’s in anguish as he processes the word salad that was just spewed.
“You…” Neil begins slowly, “You like me, too? As in, we both like each other?”
“Um… yes?”
“And, you’ve been… listening to my voice?”
Todd glares at the floor, trying to avoid eye contact with Neil, “Y-yes.”
Neil picks up Todd’s face and directs it to face Neil’s. “God, Todd, you’re just… You’re just so cute I think I could kiss you. Would that be okay, to kiss you, I mean?”
Todd shakes his head, chuckling under his breath, and grabs Neil’s face, thumb planted on his mole underneath his lip, and leans in to kiss Neil on the cheek.
Neil’s face glows the same radiant aura as it did when Todd went to pick up his drink, so bright that Todd almost felt inclined to shield his eyes from the rays emitting from Neil’s brilliant smile, his dimple popping up right where Todd had just marked Neil. Charlie, who has been viewing the encounter the whole time from the sidelines gives a hoot just loud enough for both of them to hear. They both turn towards him, and Charlie beams back, holding two thumbs up.
“Ignore him,” Neil huffs, rolling his eyes, hands scrambling to intertwine with Todd’s and pull them into his lap, causing their shoulders to overlap because of the proximity, indelible grins reaching from eye to eye plastered on both boys’ faces, cheeks equally flushed vermilion. “Me too.”
“What?”
“I’ve liked you since the first time I saw you, too."
“Yeah?”
“Yeah."