Work Text:
Ring. Ring. Ring.
Hi! You’ve reached Eiji, please leave your message after the beep. … Beep!
-for fuck’s sake, Eiji. Stop leaving your goddamn phone on silent for once. They played our song on the radio in the bar. You missed it. We could have danced together, shown all of those stuffy, suited sons of bitches your dance moves. We obviously would’ve had to evacuate the dance floor, but it could’ve been fun. It would’ve helped liven up the mood, too. They kept pretending that they were upset that you weren’t there, but I know they were lying. Your sister kept trying to talk to me, it was weird.
I had to get out of there before I snapped at her, so I went to that bar – you know, the one we met at? – and had a drink or two. Or six. I don’t know the exact number, I just know that the bartender cut me off and tried to get me to sober up before I left, that dickhead… Doesn’t he know that alcohol is for escaping, not something you try to escape from?
Please leave your message after the beep.
There’s a copper here, Eiji. They’re asking if I’m alright and I shrugged. At least, I think I did, anyway. The floor is swaying a bit too much to be certain. I gave them you as my emergency contact, is that okay? It rang and rang, and even the cops thought it was shit of you to not pick up, Eiji! Could you just fucking pick up already? Stop pretending you don’t want to talk to me.
If you were going to pick up for anyone, it would be the cops, you rule-abiding little twerp. Even if you won’t pick up for me, pick up for them at least. I’m tempted to shoot the copper right here and now, just to spite you. I can practically hear your voice telling me not to be stupid. Call me back already.
Please leave your message after the beep.
If I had been there for you that night, would you still be here? If I vow to be a better person, someone you would actually be proud of, will you come back? Will I be able to join you in your own personal afterlife, where it’s just you and me? Maybe if I’d chosen better words – the right words – you would have stayed. Maybe if I had been a better boyfriend, you never would’ve wanted to leave in the first place. Maybe, maybe, maybe… I don’t know. All I know is that I miss you and I’d give anything to have you back.
I’m so sorry I didn’t notice the signs, you must’ve been desperately reaching out for help, only for me to fail you so miserably.
God, I’m such a fucking idiot.
Please leave your message after the beep.
3 AM used to be my favourite time, y’know? Once upon a time, it was the hour of romance; of teenage rebellion; of a good night coming to a close with you in the soft envelop of my arms. Now, 3 AM feels cold, drunk, and alone. You left ages ago, but the depression has only just properly hit now.
I was depressed before, but this is a new low – even for me. Until last week, I was eight months clean, but my arms and legs are once again a battlefield of scars. You were the one helping me with that. Now that you’re gone … it’s just a lot harder. I’m not strong enough on my own to fight my inner demons.
Can’t you just come back and help me again, please?
Please leave your message after the beep.
I promised you that I would’ve forgotten you by now. I can still remember your tear-streaked face, asking so innocently, so innocuously, if I would remember you in a year’s time. Punchdrunk and giddy from the flirt, I promised you I would but joked that I would forget the moment the clock struck one year from that exact moment on. You had laughed, then, a proper, unbridled laugh that you only carted out around me.
A year on, and I’m still thinking about you. You were so worried I would forget you as soon as you left. You were worried about what would happen if I didn’t. How could I ever forget about you, though? You were and always will be the love and light of my life. You opened doors I didn’t even know existed; you expanded my horizons. When you left, my whole world got a little narrower, a little darker.
I miss you.
Please leave your message after the beep.
Is it dumb that I called you just so I could hear your voice in your inbox message? It sounds insane, doesn’t it?
It’s raining now. Can you hear it? You used to put on ten-hour-long YouTube videos of rain falling on a window, or rain in a forest, or gentle storms. You said it helped you sleep. It drove me insane, y’know, but watching your adorable yawn and little wiggle into the duvet as you snuggled down for the night made me hate it slightly less.
Now I can’t listen to rain without thinking of you. Maybe one day, it’ll hurt a little less. Until then, though, could you sit with me for a bit, listening to the rain?
Please leave your message after the beep.
…
The inbox is full and cannot accept messages at this time. Goodbye.