Chapter Text
Today was a bad day Douglas mused as he stood in front of the mirrors that lined the doors of his wardrobe at the request of Helena. He had always hated this display of vanity, but he had been in love.
Now he stood there trying to cover as much of his body as possible with his towel. He had woken up from a nightmare of Martin betraying him, laughing about his gender behind his back, drenched in sweat. So he had gotten out of bed and went straight into the bathroom putting his pyjamas into the hamper and into the shower. Never once looking into a mirror.
Some days he woke up clearly feeling his gender without needing visual confirmation. Other days he needed to look into the mirror to be sure. He was used to suppressing any hints of dysphoria, but he didn’t always get it. More often than not he just looked into the mirror and noticed different facial features. Seeing himself in a completely different light. And this were the situations when he knew his gender.
So when he stepped out of the shower, dried himself of so he was no longer dripping and walked back into the bathroom to get dressed the sudden flash of dysphoria and fear at seeing himself in the mirrors came as a bit of a shock.
So he wrapped his towel around himself more fully. Why couldn’t Martin be here now to assure him? His nightmare was haunting him. The look of hate and ridicule on Martin’s face in his dream still vivid in his mind, only amplified by the fact that today was in no way a ‘he’ day, nor a ‘they’ day (which were secretly his favourite because he just didn’t care about anything having to do with gender). Today was a female day.
Why had he even requested time off work at MJN. He knew Carolyn wouldn’t let both of her Pilots take time off at the same time. So she had send Martin off to some overnight job at a barely legal distance. He wasn't expected back before the late afternoon. Maybe he could still reach him on his mobile.
Douglas needed to try. He didn’t think he could wait until later to hear Martin’s voice.
But first Douglas decided he should get dressed as a cold breeze made him shiver. A lazy outfit should be the best.