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Christamas may be one of the most awkward affairs their family endured and that was because Alicent insists that they play the picture-perfect family, the kind seen in advertisements on tv.
It is thus that Rhaenyra and her grumbling children find themselves being ushered inside by Alicent, who already has a panicked look into her too wide eyes.
Behind her sits her poor father, Viserys, with his crinkled eyes in a sweet but pained smile, and beside him there’s Otto, his long-time friend looking at least twenty years younger.
Further still in the room, there’s the warm light of a fireplace shining on two heads sitting on a soft leather sofa. By how tidy they are, Rhaenyra can guess they are Helaena and Aemond.
“Rhaenyra, come in please! Don’t stand in the cold”, Alicent’s voice has a pleasant tone, and Rhaenyra asks herself how much acting she has going on that she has perfected that tone of voice. She sounds so genuine, if only it weren’t for the obvious tic when her gaze lands on Luke.
And so her family is ushered in, her arm protectively around Luke’s shoulder, Jace on his other side, Rhaena and Baela behind him and Daemon’s tall presence closing the circle.
Alicent’s embrace is warm and soft and her sweet pecks on her cheeks remind her of a traitor’s kiss. It leaves a sour taste in her mouth.
While Alicent gets everybody’s coats, Rhaenyra goes beside her father, bends at the waist and kisses him softly on his good cheek. His eyes are misty with tears but lucid, he grabs her hands and whispers “My Rhaenyra, the most important present I could get”, and she smiles but can see Alicent getting tense in the periphery of her eye.
“It’s good to see you too, dad”, she says and doesn’t let go of his hand as she stands back up and nods to Otto. While there will always be a special place in her heart for Alicent, her long standing friend, her friend's father gives her the creeps. His smile is thick as honey, just as Alicent’s, but his eyes are cold and calculating, with none of the panicky edge of her daughter’s or the softness they used to hold.
Soon enough Alicent brings everybody to the sofas and the low table, claiming she’s going to make some tea. Rhaenyra hears Otto telling her to fetch her wretched son, lest he makes them look like fools in the first ten minutes.
The silence is absolute and embarrassing as they sit, almost piled on top of each other on the sofa sitting on the right while Aemond and Helaena occupy the other one, as leisurely as they please.
Daemon only looks too comfortable in the silent hall, the smirk gracing his features having none of the Christmas appropriate glee. Aemond’s looking at the space between Rhaena and Lucerys as if there’s a ghost there that has personally affronted him, and maybe there is, as far as Rhaenyra is aware. He wouldn’t be the first person in the family claiming to have a bit of magic in them.
Speaking of family magic, Helaena looks almost startled to see them all in one room but as soon as she does the dazed look in her eyes fades and she stares at Rhaenyra with a sweet smile.
Sweet Helaena , she thinks. She can muster an effort with Helaena, she thinks. Rhaenyra clears her throat and Aemond’s eyebrow twitches. Nothing quite like Christmas with your loved ones I guess .
“Tell me Helaena, how is school going?”
As soon as Helaena opens her mouth to answer Aemond decides it’s a good moment to interrupt: “Won’t you ask me too, sister?”
Half-sister , she thinks bitterly, but her chance to answer back, whether with a calming tone or a passive-aggressive one, is cut short as Helaena pouts and playfully slaps her brother’s shoulder.
“Aemond do not interrupt me”, she says with the same voice as a little girl and Rhaenyra thinks about how her sister is quite like her mother. Aemond seems delighted by his sister’s action and hides his smile with a bow of his head.
“My apology, sister. I am gonna check on mother.”
Helaena starts again as if he hadn’t interrupted them in the first place: “School is good I guess, we got a new biology teacher who has quite a hands-on way of dealing with stuff, so I am having fun at last!”
Rhaenyra smiles and nods, even if she can’t quite get behind her sister’s fascination with insects, spiders, snakes and whatnot. Better than boys, I guess ; it’s quite a bitter thought to have, when at her age she was crushing quite badly for her present uncle and that exchange student from Dorne. Gods, maybe it’s better this way. Maybe she should pray that Rhaena and Baela find some niche interests that keep them away from stupid liaisons as well.
“I’m glad to hear that”, she says, “what about Daeron? Is he back for the holiday?”
Her sister lights up at the mention of her youngest brother and claps her hands, delighted: “Oh he has come back from Oldtown in time for the festivities!”
Rhaenyra would like to enquire about the other two half-brothers, scratch that, brothers, but Aemond wouldn’t take it kindly if he heard her asking about him, so she stays on the safe topic: Daeron.
“I hope everything's alright there”, she has never been good with small talk and she is ten times worse when it comes to her family. Helaena is not much better than her, because her response is to smile, nod and shrug, right in this sequence, but she doesn’t seem to care or notice.
“And here I am, summoned by your talk of me!”, a youthful voice interrupts the silence, and a smiling Daeron enters the room in padded socks.
He bends at the waist and encircles Helaena gently in his arms: “What’s up, fam?”, he smiles at her and her family.
“Daeron, my, you are so grown up now!”, Rhaenyra remembers her little brother vaguely, because when the sides of their family argued – to put it lightly – he had been still a small kid and then he went to study abroad as a young boy. Rhaenyra has no idea if this was his idea, but if that were the case maybe out of all of them, he was the sanest.
“Yeah, I’m taller than Aegon now!”
“Since when is that hard, little bro?”, Aemond asks while bringing the tea tray.
As soon as Helaena laughs, a smile blooms on Aemond’s face, while Daeron huffs good-naturedly.
“I might be the shortest, but I am still your eldest brother, you little-”, Aegon’s slurring voice booms along the stairs but he doesn't manage to finish his sentence.
“Aegon! Language !”, Alicent’s voice booms.
Daeron can’t help but laugh at the antics of his family – having been far from them made this sort of display endearing and not worrisome or tiring at the very least.
Aegon enters the room rolling his eyes, hair slightly greasy, red puffy bags under his bloodshot eyes and hands in the pocket of his pants which look like pyjamas bottom, if Rhaenyra has to guess. And the ugliest sweater she has seen in ages, and Corlys loves his grandpa sweaters.
Aegon, despite being the oldest bar her, looked the least put together of all of them: even she, mom-of-too-many Rhaenyra, had put more effort in her looks than him though she can bet he had much more free time on his hands. Daeron, who as a teen endured long hours of holiday traffic to be with his family, looks like he has managed his curly hair into a frizzless cut, wearing a vivid green jumper bearing the seal of his school, a tower with a flame on top. Even serious Aemond has left his usual all-black attire for a slightly more festive version of himself: black slacks and a green sweater with a high neck. But Helaena has really outdone herself, out of all her siblings: she wears a sparkly silvery-golden midi skirt with a matching belt on and a dark pink shirt. Maybe a bit over the top for a family gathering but Helaena was odd enough to pull it off charmingly.
Aegon’s fit makes him seem far younger than any of them and really, everybody’s life much more put together than his.
He inspects all of them, eyes lingering for a brief moment on their small clan before a hand raises itself in mock greeting: “Nice to see you all, family, and merry holidays”.
Daeron is, again, the only one who seems to get any fun out of his brother’s antics while his two older siblings are used to them - maybe tired of them as well.
Daemon seems delighted at her brother’s wretchedness and smirks: “Hello nephew, nice to see you too. How is the new school treating you?”. He couldn’t have chosen a worse topic. Aegon had never been a top tier student and has caused so many problems that their family couldn’t bribe their way out of his mistakes.
“Dropped out, just in time of holidays too, so I could see you all without problem”, Aegon answers with a flat tone and lets himself drop on the couch next to Helaena.
“How thoughtful, brother”, Aemond’s sarcasm is dry as usual and it’s quite fun when it isn’t directed at her children.
“Indeed”, Daemon replies in the same tone, but Rhaenyra can hear and feel his attention is elsewhere: she looks around and sees Alicent, her pretty face has turned red. She has a collection of sweets and biscuits in her hands which she smacks loudly on the low table and both Aemond and Daemon raise their eyebrows at her in perfect synch. It would almost be funny, how alike nephew and uncle are, if only their family was a family in other matters and not name only.
“Well, I’m sure Aegon will find his vocation yet. Daeron, why don’t you tell us about your time in Oldtown? It’s been quite a few years since I have been there!” Her false cheery tone is a bit strident.
Aegon’s eyes drop to the steam coming from the teapot, quite dejected but still slightly happy about not being the topic of conversation.
Daemon brings his cup to his mouth to hide his whisper: “Then why doesn't she go back, if she misses it so much”.
Lucerys and Baela can’t quite hide a snicker, even if the whisper wasn’t meant for them. Rhaenyra hisses Daemon’s name between her lips and pinches the side closer to her.
She pretends she doesn’t feel Aemond and Otto gazing at them or the dark but curious look Daeron has about himself. Then her youngest brother decides to diffuse the tension and with a theatrical sigh he sits on Aemond’s other side and clasps his hand on his stomach, and he sets about to tell his tale.
Even Viserys seems moderately interested in his son’s adventures, which is quite a feat.
An half an hour later, Alicent and Viserys have managed to get the “kids” to decorate the Christam tree.
“A fun family activity!”, had been Viserys’ words before turning to his brother, “Do you remember the fun we had, with mother and father?”
“Yes, but maybe it’s best we leave the decorating to the kids. There’s already many of them without us adults interfering.” Daemon’s tone was biting but he had looked fondly at his brother, clasping his hand on his shoulder.
And that’s how Rhaenyra finds herself sitting with Alicent, a glass of wine in each of their hands. She doesn’t know what’s more awkward, watching the kids interact or better yet avoid each other around the Christmas tree, or the stilted conversation with her former friend.
“I’m happy Daeron is back for the holidays, and I’m glad you invited me”, Rhaenyra guesses that being polite is only the right thing to do.
Alicent looks up at her under her dark lashes and she tries to smile: “Yeah, I’m very thankful he managed to come this year. He may feel like a grown up, but he still is my baby. And I’m glad you accepted, truly, Rhaenyra”, her hand twitches on the table, almost as if she wishes to reach out to Rhaenyra's one. Rhaenyra tries not to be soured by the fact their relationship is so strained nowadays and hides it with a smile.
“They may grow, but they are still our babies, I guess. I admire that you sent him to study out, he looks so confident”.
The talk about the kids seems the safest topic, as long as they talk in general terms or about their youngest. Best not to mention anything close to the Driftmark accident.
She looks out at the kids, Jace helping Joffrey to place a decoration higher than he could on his own, Luke is trying to be mindful of where Aemond is without making it obvious, but his usually sweet face is quite dark and Rhaenyra knows her son.
Aemond is glaring at the tree, avoiding Luke and his own brother; Aegon moves stiffly, as if the glittering lights are paining his eyes. The only people who seem to enjoy themselves are the girls: Helaena is humming silently as she bumps into Baela and excuses herself and she can see Baela shrugging it off and Rhaena and Daeron seem to be quite alright, talking quietly and quickly between themselves.
Rhaenyra can’t help but smile and think of a time when that had been her and Alicent, so she turns around and smiles at her.
It’s jarring to look at her friend’s face, knowing their shared so much of their early girlhood and now their children are passing Christmas together; that she may have imagined, but her friend’s kids are her half-siblings, they're uncles and aunt to her own children who are only a few years younger than them. If anything, they're more fit to be cousins.
Best not to think about it too much, probably, especially when they are together and trying to pass as normal a Christmas as they can.
That very thing is interrupted by the ringing bell. Alicent’s eyebrows scrunch delicately together.
“Were you waiting for somebody else?”, asks Rhaenyra.
“No, I’m pretty sure we are all here. It was to be a family thing... Well maybe it’s those carollers”
“Yeah, that could be”, Rhaenyra answers as her friend stands up to open the door.
“Maybe the kids will appreciate them! If not them, at least Viserys and young Aegon.”
Rhaenyra feels quite touched at this. She remembers a Christmas many years ago, Alicent and her stuck in her room because the grown-ups were talking about grown-up stuff – it was the last Christmas Aemma had passed among the living – and a group of singers noticed them in the window and started playing and singing for them. They had laughed so hard while the adults didn’t understand while the carollers wouldn’t just go away when they were ignoring them.
Rhaenyra is kind of lost in her thoughts and doesn’t notice that her friend has opened the door but no sound comes in and Alicent is looking like a statue.
“Everything alright?”, she asks, and she sees Alicent shivering. It’s not even that cold for a King’s Landing winter.
Rhaenyra stands up and gets closer to Alicent, whose hand is gripping harshly the door frame. Her finger trembles and her grip is so strong that the knuckles stand out. Before Rhaenyra catches up to her, Alicent bends on her knees and now she can see what shocked her friend.
There’s a small basket on the patio, right in front of the door and swaddled in many light blue blankets there’s a small hand moving.
A child... a baby , Rhaenyra realizes. It looks like a cheesy Christmas movie, but it doesn’t feel that fun. Why did somebody leave this kid here though?
Alicent has a slip of paper in her trembling hand and when she turns around there’s sadness and grief and anger and disappointment in her teary eyes.
“Aegon”, her voice is tired and chilling at the same time.
All heads turn toward the door and then Aegon, who turns his head so quickly he may have backlash from it.
Alicent picks up the basquet to bring it inside: King’s Landing is not especially cold but there’s no reason this little child should be out any longer.
The room sinks in a silence so thick that only the croak of the fire and the silly Christmas songs playing on repeat can be heard . The sudden silence is interrupted when the child erupts in a small, anguished cry as if he can read the temperature of the room.
Aegon’s eyes look as if they are about to pop out of his sockets and everybody’s else too, except Helaena who has her usual unfazed expression. Even Aemond, so good at hiding his emotions, has the look of someone seeing a traffic accident.
“Aegon”, Alicent repeats, “we need to talk. Kitchen. Now.”
Aegon gulps visibly and nods minutely while Alicent passes the child to Rhaenyra without a word and closes the door softly, even if everybody knows she would have shut it closed as loudly as possible given the chance.
The room is no less tense while Aegon and Alicent talk, hushed tones giving away to half screamed whispers and hoarse cries.
The rest of the family sits on the sofas and chairs where they had taken their tea.
Otto is looking darkly into the flames, as if he could make this whole situation disappear while Aemond seems to have regained the perfect mastery of his facial muscles - the detail that betrays him is his eye isn’t glaring at Lucerys as his usual. Helaena and Rhaena are sitting next to Aemond and are holding the baby – Aegon's baby – and looking for similarities. He already has that Targaryen silver gold hair. Even Baela seems to coo at the baby while Joffrey and Lucerys snicker about girls and babies and something else, only to be sharply reminded by Baela that not too long ago they had been small kids and she had many embarrassing videos and photos. That shuts them up quickly. After that they don’t say anything more and Jacaerys looks relieved to have shut his own mouth.
Viserys looks more grim than usual, and that’s saying something with all his health issues. Rhaenyra stands behind Rhaena and Baela, looking over them as they look on the small child. She can’t deny the boy, as small and young as he is, looks like Aegon. He even looks like the Aegon she remembers from her younger days. Moreover, on the fireplace’s mantle there’s a family photo: a younger Aegon stares back and for a moment there are two Aegons in the room.
Yes, the kid is her brother’s. She can’t quite phantom her younger brother has a child, even if it’s no secret in their family of Aegon’s sleeping around.
Another great Christmas ahead , she thinks and then she stares at Daemon. He seems the only one being entertained by this whole situation and go figures. He may be older than her and she had once thought him so wise and cool, but he can be such a man-child. At least, he should understand how this will stress out his already weakened brother.
She’s brought back to the present as the argument in the kitchen reaches a crescendo: “How could you, Aegon? After everything, this too? Don’t you think about the consequences of your actions, do you ever ?”
“- mom”, Aegon tries to interrupt her, but Alicent doesn’t let him get a word.
“You are constantly disgracing yourself, us, your family! Disappointing us at every turn and now you bring a child in your mess? You are no son of mine, Aegon”, Alicent’s voice is bitter enough to curdle milk and even Rhaenyra flinches. She has been on the receiving end of that tone; she knows how it hurts, how deeply in cuts.
“Mom, please. I know, I know but I try so hard and I’m never good enough. For you, for father, for nobody in my life”, his tone betrays how close to tears he actually is.
For a moment there’s only silence.
“Then step up Aegon, because this child is going to need his father”, Alicent has lowered her voice, but the house is so still and silent that they manage to hear even their harsh breathing. They can hear the defeated tone in both of their voices.
It seems done when Alicent adds: “It’s time you become responsible, Aegon. This is your call.” The voice may seem cold and detached but in a moment of clarity she remembers how scared Alicent had looked when she was pregnant with Aegon, barely more than a girl. She remembers her fear too when she was waiting for Jacaerys, her smile stretching as thin as the skin of her growing stomach. Every time somebody congratulated her, she thought of her mother’s high screams echoing on the ceilings.
Aegon doesn’t answer his mother, he exits the kitchen from the door further away from the living room and flies up the stairs as if the seven devils were on his heels.
This time, when Luke and his little brother laugh, Aemond freezes them with a glare powerful enough for a thousand eyes: Aegon is a such a moronic shithead, but he still is his brother and they have no right to mock him for his fuck ups, not like he does.
Luke looks properly chastised, or scared, and so does Joff. Luke looks toward Rhaenyra but she shakes her head: she won’t come to his defence every time, he should learn to pick his battles, especially when he knows he can’t win them. She finds it comical that the next person Luke turns to is Daemon, who just shrugs with a tight smile on his thin lips. Rhaenyra remembers a time when Luke was scared of Daemon, like he was the monster Valyrian people warned their child about, but now, in a turn of events, it’s him he turns to.
She shakes her head again and bends at her waist to pass a hand through the fine hair on top of the kid’s head and she’s kind of delighted when a small hand reaches for hers and captures her pointer finger.
Rhaena smiles and coos at the child and so does Helaena: “Sister it seems the child has already chosen his favourite aunt, I don’t think it’s fair.”
“Don't worry Helaena, if he’s anything like his father, it won’t be more than a passing fancy”, Baela says and nobody can quite get if she meant it to be comforting and it didn’t quite land as she intended or if she meant to be snide about it.
Daemon hides his smile behind a fist and Otto turns his head to stare at the girl.
“There’s no way a child couldn’t love you Helaena, don’t worry”, Rhaena manages to be diplomatic and Rhaenyra thanks Laena’s genes for that. She’s not very good at being diplomatic and now she can admit that but gods Daemon is worse than her and he definitely rubbed on Baela.
It’s only then that Rhaenyra notices that Alicent still hasn’t joined them, she’s still in the kitchen and no sound comes from it.
Her heart aches: she thinks about a time when she wouldn’t have hesitated to join her friend to comfort her. Now … now she thinks it’s safer to let Alicent come out on her own terms, when she has collected her feelings and concerns and pushed them to the back of her mind.
Not even the Christmas lunch lightens the mood, the only noises are the cracking of the fire, the mindless chatter coming from the TV to fill the silence between them and the scrape of the utensils on the fine porcelain plates.
This is probably the most awkward family event since they have begun taking their meals together once again at festivities, which was after Aemond’s “accident”, if you can call Luke almost gouging his uncle’s eye with the toy Wolverine claws he had just received that , and the whole wedding between Rhaenyra and Daemon which nobody approved of.
The food is delicious as any time they dine together, but Rhaenyra can see Aegon playing with the food in his plate, moving it around to make it seem like he has eaten, and he drinks too much wine under Alicent’s disapproving gaze. His glass is never empty, and he doesn’t even try to hide it as he had the previous years.
Her father had told her how Aegon had dropped from another university yet again and how his son and Alicent had talked – more like argued – till the two had come to a sort of understanding, which knowing mother and son as she did, was a colossal improvement.
All that improvement had been crushed as sandcastles in a few seconds by a hasty doorbell.
Alicent has made a few valiant efforts to keep the conversation going at the table, but Helaena had never been good with social clues and Aemond would entertain his mother only as good as he could without making a sly comment about Rhaenyra’s kids. Daeron was the only child of hers who would participate somewhat enthusiastically, maybe on account of being often far away from this family and Otto always had the politician's mouth.
Viserys is trying to talk with his brother while Jace tries to make his younger brothers behave; Rhaenyra is thankful for that, because she doesn’t think Alicent has changed in the past years on her policy of not throwing food around the table. She loves her sons but well behaved they are not.
Rhaena and Baela are talking between themselves, nodding and laughing without ending full sentences, thanks to the flowing wine and the strange connection all twins have.
The only people who are mostly silent are Aegon and herself, but she hasn’t the heart to try and talk to him, knowing he would take that as an attack and use it to channel his rage. She can see clearly how tightly he grabs his fork every time his child cries for attention.
And scream and cry the little creature does and it takes her back to being a little girl who has just been presented her younger brother and is displeased by his look and every sound he makes, displeased by his very existence. The so desired son her father wanted, he had made feel her unwanted by so many.
She imagines Aegon’s child has the same effect on him, except he is the reason this kid is plaguing him in the first place. If she had felt so easily replaceable, he must think his mother validated in her belief of his being a disappointment.
Alicent has been so cold toward her own son that Rhaenyra feels a pang in her chest for her brother whom she had spent so little time with. She feels sorry for him and the child, because it’s clear like the midday sun that he’s not ready to be a father.
For a moment she imagines sweet Jace in his place, glassy eyes and a child in his arms as he tries to explain and Rhaenyra wonders how she would react.
It’s out of some misguided sense of familial duty and sense of fraternal kinship that after the meal is over and everybody has left the table to separate in small groups that Rhaenyra follows her brother in his brooding corner, which usually is his brother’s spot and occupation.
Aegon is right in the corner, head slightly bent but between his stingy curling hair she can see his tight mouth and glassy eyes. His shoulders are hunched, and his hand is holding his glass with such a tight knuckled hold that she fears it will shatter in his hand.
It feels like cornering a scared, yet wild animal and Rhaenyra doesn’t think she will get out unscathed.
If he notices her, he doesn’t bother showing he does.
“Aegon”, Rhaenyra says but his name comes out more like a question than a call for his attention.
He barely raises his head and she’s not even sure he realizes he has a person standing in front of him. She regrets this approach but it’s too late now. She fights to urge to grasp her elbows or twist one of her rings.
“Aegon... I know it may sound strange coming from me, but I kind of get where you are now. I wasn’t much older than you are now when I found out I was pregnant with Jacaerys and it was a shock. I wasn’t prepared and I imagine you aren’t, what with the kid having been dropped on your doorstep like this”, Rhaenyra tries to steady her voice while Aegon’s light eyes stare through her.
“I know that I haven’t been the closest, I haven’t been the best of sisters, but I want you to know that if you need help, I can be there for you and your child. It’s about time to turn a new leaf in this family” and maybe this is the thing that prompts it, she thinks to herself and then she can tell her therapist something good came out of this wretched Christmas.
Aegon’s dead eyes reawaken with an inner fire, his eyebrow twitches and so does his mouth: “My good sister Rhaenyra, she has gone on ignoring me or her other siblings for all her life and now she wants to change that. Now that I’m brought to a new low”, he sneers a smile and leans towards Rhaenyra.
She can smell the wine heavy on his breath and from this angle she can see how clammy his skin looks.
“Well I can tell you where you can stuff your sympathies, Rhaenyra. Where you kept your consideration for us, for me. Don’t pretend you care now, it’s too late. You’ve got all my life to talk to me openly and you choose now? Fuck you, now. ”
Rhaenyra’s younger self would have reacted harshly, both in answer to such a rebuke and in Aegon’s shoes. She knows she has done a shitty job of being a sister, it had taken long for her to even notice it and more to admit it – even then there was very little she could have done, or at least that’s what she tells herself when she thinks about it. How do you start repairing a broken mirror? Is it even feasible?
“Still, my offer stands. Bye Aegon”, for a moment Rhaenyra debates adding a “merry Christmas” but it feels like a double-edged knife and it leaves a sour taste in her mouth.
She leaves before Aegon can retort something else and this time she can’t keep her temper in check and goes away to check on her own kids. If she turns her head a bit towards Aegon, it’s only to look toward her father sitting near the fire. She pretends not to notice Aegon’s red, angry face or the sneer on his pouty lips.
When she reaches her sons, they are standing all around the sofa with the girls sitting and cooing over the small child who still goes by no name. Strangely enough Baela seems taken by the child as much as her twin, even Luke shares their smiles while Jace looks confused. Hell, even Aemond is peering over Helaena’s shoulder to look at his nephew.
Rhaenyra takes a look too: the child looks so much like her younger sons the sight melts her heart a little. Daemon comes near her, an arm snaking around her waist: “Look at the mess your half-brother made.”
Maybe not too long ago, Rhaenyra would have snickered, now she turns slightly in Daemon’s arms and looks at him nastily: “The pot calling the kettle black, uncle. That’s your nephew, by the way. He seems to have taken after you.”
Her answer comes far too bitterly, but she remembers the whispers when her belly had swollen with Jacaerys and the whispers about her uncle’s trysts and illegitimate children too.
Daemon’s eyes squint lightly while he leans towards her, a hand coming up to move the hair from her ear: “And after you, my dear.”
Never one to back down, not after her temper has been tested all day, she raises her hand to his cheek: “It’s a family thing, I am afraid.”
She turns as her hand leaves his cheek to rest on the arms encircling her waist and looks toward the unlit doorway to the corridor: there Alicent stands, arms crossed and a stony, vacant expression on her face as her eyes look on her grandchild. Rhaenyra can bet this isn’t the way her former friend imagined becoming a grandmother. Gods, we are still so young , she thinks: she is suddenly grateful Jace seems to not be keen on children and hopes this day in an incentive to not to be foolish with Baela. Maybe she should give him the talk, once again.
At this point of the night, she knows better than going to Alicent to talk: Aegon’s fire is not just Targaryen, it’s the hidden one of Alicent’s family. Burning brightly and suddenly and unexpectedly.
“It’s time we go, I think. I want to say goodbye to my father”, Rhaenyra pats Daemon’s hands like she would a dog’s head or to reprimand a turbulent child and he lets her go.
During the drive home, Rhaenyra can’t help but think about her father’s slumped shoulders or his disappointed eyes, as if he could afford being disappointed in a son he barely spent time with since his first birthday. His expression mirrored the one he had when he had found out about Rhaenyra’s pregnancy all those years ago.
Viserys' pale face is still burnt into Rhaenyra's memory, his silence louder than any scream he could have lashed her way. The fun fact was by the time Rhaenyra had come home with a baby of her own waiting in her belly, her father had married her best friend, the one she trusted the most, and already had some kids by her.
At the time she had been too scared of his reaction and her situation to find his anger ironic. She still remembers how loudly he had closed the door while she stilled her shaking hand on her lower stomach. Rhaenyra had not been sure about keeping the baby but she had needed to know she was not alone. And she physically couldn't be, in a way. In a way, she had not been alone anyway: her other hand was enveloped in a soft hold and when Rhaenyra had raised her gaze she found warm brown eyes and an uneasy but friendly smile. She still feels the warmth that had bloomed inside her at the sight. Alicent .
The soft hand squeezed hers once again, harder, and her friend smiled more easily: "Whatever you do, I'm with you. And if you choose to have your child, maybe", Rhaenyra still remembers the way Alicent had bit her lower lip as she looked at the baby box near the sofa where Aegon stood looking at them, the curious gaze of a childhood still in his eyes.
"Maybe they could grow up as friends… as we did." Alicent's smile had been hopeful and unsure but it was the most precious thing Rhaenyra had seen in a long while, like to the first flower blooming after winter.
She had felt tears pressing against her eyelids but had managed to keep most of them in by sheer stubbornness. She had pressed her lips together and nodded repeatedly till tiny strangled laughter had pushed through both of their lips. When Aegon started clapping his hands happily they both looked at him and then at each other and belted out loud, full-bodied laughs, their joined hands cradled between their bodies.
Rhaenyra had been scared out of her mind but that moment? She holds onto that moment, that sparkle of warmth and hope - looking at Jace reminds her of it every time.
She had loved seeing Jace and Aegon become friends and play together and she shared secret smiles with Alicent while her father was too busy with whatever he did in his studio and Daemon was too busy scoffing at living peacefully. Also busy running after the skirt of her only other close female acquaintance, Laena. She feels a flicker of anger still at how easily the men of her life replaced her. At the time her hurt manifested through hurting the people who she considered guilty, now… sometimes she looks at Viserys and she feels two things at once: she grieves for the father that is wasting before her eyes and she feels strangely vindicated, for her mother, for Alicent, for Aegon, for herself too. She feels similar stirrings when Daemon makes comments that used to make her giggle and laugh and everything she wants to do now is to sew his lips shut. His body? Still fine? But his mouth she can do without. He's not any good with his tongue anyway.
The drive home just reminds her of this.
"Aegon has always been precocious but maybe his mother should have given him the bees and the flowers talk sooner", he laughs.
Gods he thinks himself hilarious.
Rhaenyra rolls her eyes and looks at the packed back seats in the side mirror.
"I'm pretty sure you have a few illegitimate children of your own by his age."
"I did. Nobody ever dared bring them to our doorstep though." He shrugs, as if that is the important part. Rhaenyra would turn and strangle him in his seat if it weren't for their kids being in the car. Plus her therapist wouldn't be impressed.
"Poor girls", she murmurs.
"What did you say, sweetheart?” Daemon jokingly leans toward her but she can feel the anger coming off of him.
"I said, those poor girls."
"They had their fun, they paid the price."
What price did you pay for your fun? Rhaenyra thinks. She's glad that whatever she had going on with Daemon, Harwin had been the one she fooled around with.
"Maybe not the best thing to say with our children in the car dear. Especially your daughters."
Daemon looks toward her and huffs a laugh as if she has said the funniest joke ever.
The rest of the journey home is blessedly silent.
Rhaenyra had been salivating at the idea of alone time. Or as alone as one could get with two small toddlers depending on her - not that she can't afford or doesn't rely on nannies.
Her sons are off to doing whatever they do in their school free days: Joff has his tennis practice, Luke is probably tailing his older brother and bothering him to no end. Good, so he can't get alone time with Baela .
She can't shake off the tension that Aegon's surprise child has brought on the Christmas family gathering and while she can talk to her sons, she doesn't feel completely comfortable in talking with Daemon's daughters and he is allegedly sure they can handle themselves and are smart kids. Which Rhaenyra doesn't doubt, but it stings: Daemon's words can feel like barbed wire and it's best not to move too much else you be even more trapped and further hurt.
Was I not smart enough, uncle? Am I a stupid girl for ending up pregnant before 20? Was I good enough only when you chased me around the garden and your hands held me too long?
She sighs deeply and sinks more into the sofa, the TV playing on without her paying attention. Her hand twitches on her lap as she tries to decide if taking another sip of her cognac is a good idea. Maybe it's not, but she needs it.
She stands with a huff, the need to hold the cold drink in her hands and to feel its burn along her throat warring with her desire - or maybe her duty - to be as clean as possible.
She slowly walks around the sofa and the low table, as if any moment she will be enlightened by the right decision. She knows which one would be right, she just wants an excuse to tell herself it's ok to indulge. Why start being responsible now? Hasn't she fucked up every step of her youth anyway?
It seems the universe actually listens to her for once, because her doorbell rings loudly.
Rhaneyra stops and eyes the alcohol cabinet. Saved by the bell, quite literally , she thinks. Probably another of Jace's orders.
The doorbell rings again, longer this time and Rhaenyra sighs and jogs to the door.
"COMING!”, she screams while thinking about the absolutely raving review she will leave.
She jerks open the door and what she finds surprises her more than Father Christmas being real.
Under her wooden porch stands her brother with a worn duffel bag thrown carelessly at his feet. He has another bag slinging from his shoulder while his arms are holding a baby.
Aegon's eyes look empty like those of a doll and at the same time it feels uncomfortable looking at them as if he's too deep in his head to protect his thoughts and she can read them all. Rhaenyra feels like she can see his brains and she doesn't like what she sees: it's a desperation that reminds her of her own.
She looks Aegon over and he looks worse than he did at the Christmas lunch, his eyebags deeper, his skin pale and gray, hair greasy and windswept more than his usual.
A little breath leaves her lips while she hangs on her front door: "Aegon…"
It's half question, half statement because Rhaenyra doesn't remember a time when her brother came willingly to her house.
His eyes suddenly focus on her, as if whatever abyss his mind had thrown him in had lost its pull. His answer is her name, barely whispered as she did with his.
"Rhaenyra."
His voice is hoarse and his throat swallows uncomfortably: she can bet he had another screaming match with Alicent.
Aegon looks her over and Rhaenyra realizes her brother hasn't seen her in homewear in a long time: like Alicent, Rhaenyra takes care of her appearance almost as if it's armor.
His eyes go up and lock on her own and he wets his lips. Aegon hesitates.
"That offer of help of yours… still up?”
If seeing Aegon on her porch had shocked her into silence, which was a feat in itself, this could silence her for a good while.
She did say it, though, didn't she? Hadn't she seen how scared he was and thought of herself, lost and with Jace to look after? Hadn't she felt bad about being a shitty sister to all her siblings? Her fingers twitch for the comfort of twirling her rings around and around.
Rhaenyra takes a step back. Her hand closes around the edge of the door. She tilts her head at Aegon.
"It is. Come inside before either of you will catch a cold."