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Ren was busy setting up his screens when he hears his door click and open with a soft creak. In walks, Dan Heng, who was murmuring quietly to his phone as he gives Ren a wave. He seems unaware that Ren wasn’t streaming yet, careful to avoid the camera as he continues conversing with the caller. His brows were scrunched soft in concentration, edging to irritation so Ren busies himself back to his setup to give his boyfriend some time.
His chat was waiting, he noticed, seeing the rising view count and the blurring messages whizzing across the screen.
[SUB] sokoke: special guest? hope it’s kafka again
[SUB] issaegi: what if it’s jing yuan? they both live close 2gether nd follow each other on twt
Ren snorts. As if he would ever collab with Jing Yuan. What does it matter that they follow each other’s socials? Jing Yuan was too busy preparing for Luofu’s tournament to even stream nowadays.
[FOLLOWER] p4ndora: mods, do you know? pls share n tell
[MOD] SH_SilverWolf: no he wont tell us
[SUB] sokoke: SW is here??? it’s kafka fss
[SUB] issaegi: @sokoke she lit js said she doesn’t know??
[SUB] chieomi: @issaegi leave her be, she’s in her coping era
[SUB] sokoke: ^^ kafka hasn’t fed us for weeks
[MOD] SH_Kafka: new stream next week with stellaron hunters <3
His chat spams WHAT, filling with excitement and Ren rolls his eyes, abandoning his task to type in his chat.
[STREAMER] SH_BLADE: stop promoting in my chat
[STREAMER] SH_BLADE: also stream starting in five
[STREAMER] SH_BLADE: waiting for my game to load
Ren turns over to Dan Heng, who’s just hung up on the caller. He looks over to Ren, mouthing, “Is the face cam on?” as he gestures to the small camera hanging on top of Ren’s screen.
“I haven’t started. I was waiting for you,” Ren says. He pulls out the extra chair he set up and motions for him to sit. “ Who were you calling?”
“Oh, I saw your stream notification pop up so I assumed.” Dan Heng falls into the seat, adjusting the height to be more level with the camera. He was still visibly shorter and Ren can’t help the smirk that graces his lips.
He gets a soft glare in return but Dan Heng doesn’t bother commenting. Instead, he says, “March. She was asking me to come over because Stella and Caelus are rummaging through trash again.”
Ren doesn’t know much about March, Stella, or Caelus besides the fact that they’re friends with Dan Heng and that they stream occasionally but his brows still rise in amusement and disgust, waiting for elaboration.
He only shudders and says, “Don’t ask. Even I don’t know.”
Ren decides to leave it as that, going back to his stream where his chat was waiting impatiently.
[SUB] sosoke: its been more than five minutes
[SUB] sosoke: howr we feelin chat?
[SUB] minami: my hands r shaking, i think it might be withdrawal
Ren starts up his voice chat but leaves the STARTING SOON screen as it is. As his game loads, he takes the time to thank the new subscribers and donations while Dan Heng waits, drumming his fingers across the surface of his thighs.
He raises a brow to ask if Dan Heng was sure he was ready and gets a nod in return.
The starting screen of Honkai Strike Online blinks to life, the music pumping through his headset in a soft melody. He shares his screen but doesn’t turn on his face cam just yet. He hadn’t felt it before but now, as both his chat and Dan Heng waits, he feels a thrumming anticipation in his blood. It wasn’t Ren’s first time doing a face cam stream but it was a rare occasion, only done during online competitions and real-life collaboration streams. Still, this time it’s different.
This time, it’s with Dan Heng.
Dan Heng, who’s a popular streaming figure and voice actor. Dan Heng, who’s his secret boyfriend.
Ren clears his throat, hoping to wash away the nerves. He feels a hand interlacing with his own and turns his gaze over to Dan Heng, who was looking at him with concern lacing his pretty features.
Ren squeezes his hand in reassurance, then takes a quiet breath before he speaks, loud enough for his mic to pick up on. “I’m sure most of you in chat are wondering who the special guest is. I don’t know how to go around this so I’m just going to turn on my face cam and let you all see. He’s famous enough in the community that most of you will recognize him anyways.”
He turns his face cam on, only to notice Dan Heng had shifted far enough that the camera couldn’t see him. He spins over, thinking he had changed his mind, only to see Dan Heng smiling as his eyes sparkle with hidden mischief. It’s a look he sees often, enough that it sends a flame of familiarity. He can feel his nerves quiet down after their usual antics and realizes that was probably Dan Heng’s aim in the first place.
Ren rolls his eyes, then grabs at the armrest to pull Dan Heng back into the camera frame.
His chat instantly explodes.
[MOD] SH_SilverWolf: ???IMBIBITOR LUNAE??
[FOLLOWER] cloudrot: no way bro got dan feng’s va on stream???>
[SUB] Gen_JingYuan: wtf ren u didnt tell me u 2 were meeting up?
[SUB] Gen_JingYuan: also did you un-mod me???
[SUB] Gen_JingYuan: jingliu’s watching btw and she’s pissed
[SUB] Gen_JingYuan: hi dan heng
“I didn’t know you were watching,” Dan Heng says, reading the chat along with him. “Hi, Jing Yuan. How’s Luofu going? Found any potential members?”
[SUB] Gen_JingYuan: a couple but we still need a few more
[SUB] Gen_JingYuan: why? wanna join?
“Don’t even think about it,” Ren interrupts. “This is why I’ve had you unmodded for years. Don’t tempt me to ban you.”
[SUB] isaeegi: blade knows jing yuan?? and dan heng??
“Yes, we’ve known each other for years,” Dan Heng answers for him. “You’re avatar’s loaded by the way.”
Ren averts his focus back to his game, seeing his character idle play for what must have been the millionth time. He clicks on the game banners, where the newest character Dan Feng peers at him surrounded by swirls of turquoise and blues.
“How does it feel hearing yourself in-game?” Ren asks, mainly for the sake of his chat. He already knows after all.
“A little weird at first. I don’t think I’ll ever fully get used to it. Sometimes I’m immersed in a game and jump a little when I hear my voice. Or a friend’s honestly.” Dan Heng’s reading his chat as he speaks and he seems a little amused by the ongoing rapid spamming of confusion. “They really want to know how we know each other. Jing Yuan and Jingliu as well”
Ren sighs, thinking back to old memories when they were unknown in the gaming world, content to play with each other for hours on end. Until the moon sets, paving the way for the morning sun. He could still remember sitting in the very same room, on the very same desk — though with much more terrible equipment — drinking copious amounts of energy drinks whilst he argued with Jing Yuan over which one of them should be the AOE DPS for whatever new game they were playing.
Jing Liu stopped playing a few years into college, focusing more on her modeling career after garnering thousands of followers after a viral interview that Ren would never let her live down. Now, she’s garnered a couple million fans on most of her socials.
“We used to play together often, with Jing Yuan, Jingliu, and Baiheng — though I don’t know how many of you know Baiheng. That’s how we met but those days are long gone now.”
sword_jingliu subscribed for 12 months
[SUB] sword_jingliu: stop talking like we’re dead.
Ren stifles a laugh, noticing the familiar handle. “I’m surprised you haven’t changed your user. Did you log in just for this?”
[SUB] sword_jingliu: i dont want to see you talking when your user is blade, and yes, i even had to restart my password bc i forgot, so answer the grpchat ren.
After reading the message, Ren spares a glance at his phone — currently on silent — that was lighting up with messages from the group, High Cloud Quintet. It was their old guild name, which they came up with back when they gained a little recognition in a relatively unknown multiplayer game.
“I’m busy streaming,” Ren says, not even hiding his smug smirk from the camera. Instead, he goes back to his game and teleports to where his desired boss mob had spawned. So far, the stream hasn’t gone as terribly as he expected. His chat was still too shocked to ask more questions, taking in the new information they had just gotten and all of his mods were doing a good job at filtering away any unwanted inquiries.
Ren knows he’ll have to reveal their relationship eventually, especially since they’ve planned the stream with the goal of doing just that, but it’s still nerve-wracking to think about. He had enjoyed the privacy; the brief glances they shared in every con, seemingly inconspicuous and aimless tweets that were really aimed towards each other, and the fun adrenaline that came from keeping it a secret. But neither of them planned on hiding it for so long.
His screen fills with a mash of colorful, six-digit numbers as he makes quick work of the enemy. Ren prides himself on being fairly good at this game, considering he had only started it a couple of months ago and he hums, satisfied, when his ult easily breezes past the boss’s health bar. The red instantly dwindles down and the mob explodes into dust, dropping the materials he needed.
“I need to farm this boss a few more times before we pull. Be patient, would you, chat?” Ren says. “Why are you all complaining in the first place? Don’t you want time to ask Dan Heng your questions?”
His chat buzzes with excitement, questions filling the space in mere seconds.
[FOLLOWER] abacuss: howd u 2 meet?
[SUB] claraa☆: how long have you two known each other? (⊙_⊙)
[FOLLOWER] lxrdsei: ik we’re suppose to ask bout dan heng but whydu not stream with jing yuan anymore since u mentioned being old friends?
“A handful of years,” Ren pauses to think. “Since high school?” He shifts over to Dan Heng to check.
“Yea, Ren, Jing Yuan and I met at the same time, along with Jing Liu and Baiheng and we found out we all lived close by,” Dan Heng confirms, adding on to his answer.
“Jing Yuan and I even went to the same high school,” Ren says, rolling his eyes. “Those classes we shared together were torturous enough to keep me away from him to this day.”
Dan Heng scoffs. “You two met up last week. Who are you lying to?”
Ren hushes him with a glare but his chat quickly picked the words up. Without even seeing him, Ren could already imagine Jing Yuan’s laughter. In fact, he knows that his phone was probably blowing up with messages from him right now.
[MOD] SH_Kafka: when were you planning to tell us bladiee?
“Preferably never,” he answers flatly. “But it’s not like I’ve tried hard to hide it from you so don’t act like you didn’t know we were friends, Kafka.”
He emphasizes the words friends, ignoring the flat stare burning at the side of his skull. He pretends to not hear the quiet huff from Dan Heng as he moved on to answer the next question.
[SUB] sword_jingliu: did the game developers base dan feng off you? You two look the same and have similar names lmfao
Dan Heng squints at the screen, humming thoughtfully. “I guess I can see it and you’re not wrong with the names,” he says, though he sounds a little doubtful. “I’ll ask and let you know. Maybe I should cosplay him for the next con.”
Ren chokes on his spit, legs bumping harshly onto the desk as his body wracks and recovers. He lets out a pained curse, feeling the sharp jolt in his knee before it slowly simmers into a light throb.
“Cosplay?” Ren croaks out. He can see the chat losing their shit, laughing at his predicament though a little confused about what happened that caused it in the first place. Dan Heng looked equally perplexed, his face scrunched with worry.
“Are you okay?” He asks, lips quirking downward into a frown. Ren waves him off before he could lean closer to check. “What happened?”
“Jammed my foot,” Ren lies, quiet enough so that his mic doesn’t hear. “I’m good, don’t worry.”
Dan Heng leans back into his chair, satisfied. Good. Ren nearly sighs in relief and goes back to his game. He clicks on the banner icon and hovers his mouse to the wish button on the bottom right of his screen.
Chat quickly fills with messages, most of them telling him to press the button and stop stalling. He ignores them, instead taking some time to turn to Dan Heng.
The man in question was already looking at him and their gazes connected in seconds. Dan Heng’s blue eyes met Ren’s red, sending a jolt of electricity scurrying across his veins and he tamps down the rolling feeling in his gut. He couldn’t stop his heart from clenching in fondness however but he forces down any embarrassing thoughts before he did something as stupid as say them aloud.
“Do you want to do me the honors and pull first?” Ren asks with a teasing smile. “Maybe the game will know who you are and give me Dan Feng.”
“If I get him on my first pull, can you buy me takeout?” Dan Heng asks, leaning over to get a better grip on the mouse. They're close enough now that Ren can smell faint traces of his cologne — crisp and smoky with hints of cinnamon — mingled in with the after-scent of his shampoo — fresh apples— and the smell pulls him back into the melancholy of autumn, with falling leaves and warm, apple pies. He swallows down the urge to lace his fingers into the soft tufts of hair, which filled the entirety of his viewpoint as Dan Heng moves closer, and distracts himself by staring resolutely at his screen.
Still, he couldn’t bite down his next reply. “If you get me Dan Feng in your first pull, I’ll kiss you in front of chat.”
The world stops, frozen at the boldness of his words. Dan Heng was silent, still as he processes the words Ren had just uttered. Then time starts to move again, accompanied by the flurry of shock in his chat.
“Alright.” Dan Heng agrees. He tilts his head away from the camera and gives Ren a private smile. It’s the type that reaches his eyes, turning them into gleaming crescents, and yet again, Ren shoves down the urge to do something reckless. Like, end the stream to be alone with his boyfriend. Or something stupid like that.
“Wish me luck,” Ren thinks, partly because it would save his wallet and also because of their deal.
Dan Heng doesn’t waste any time, clicking the button and waiting with bated breath. They watch, both on edge with similar expressions of anticipation until lo and behold, the screen gleams gold like the entranceway to heaven.
I could lose my 50/50, the pessimistic part of his mind says.
The animation starts with five stars before it parts. An explosion of blue. Then Dan Feng’s splash art pops into life.
His chat was probably exploding. Again. But Ren couldn’t even be bothered to check. Instead, he whips his head over to Dan Heng, who looks just as surprised.
“Fuck, I love you.”
Those four words stumble out of his mouth before he even realized he was thinking of them. They roll out of his tongue like instinct, sounding familiar and fond in his ears. They were familiar and fond but never on stream. Dan Heng looks to be thinking the same because his eyes are wide in shock, jaw hung slightly ajar before he regains composure.
“That was not how we planned for it to go,” he says softly.
“Does it matter?” Ren asks, trying to read his expression. There’s nothing to make out, any and all of Dan Heng’s expressions hidden behind a blank, empty canvas and his chest tightens, worried that he had messed up.
Then, he shrugs. “Not really.”
Ren’s chest loosens, relief coloring his face when he sees that Dan Heng wasn’t mad. Only startled but pleased, based on the slight quirk on his lips.
“I should get my end of the deal, right?” Dan Heng asks, raising a brow.
For a moment, Ren doesn’t have a clue what he was talking about. Then it clicks.
If you get me Dan Feng in your first pull, I’ll kiss you in front of chat.
He had no intentions of backing down, but the blurred motion of chat and his camera’s persistent, red blinking caused him to pause before he could move.
He looks at Dan Heng, then at his PC as if to ask, “On stream?”
Dan Heng’s face wavers a little, now hesitant before he shrugs, looking a little lost.
“Can I bend my words a little and kiss you after the stream ends?” Ren asks, quickly coming up with a compromise. It’s a better option for both of them — Ren, who isn’t ready to share those moments only seconds after revealing their relationship, and Dan Heng, who values his privacy more than his career allows.
Dan Heng takes a drawn-out moment to consider, pressing his lips into a thoughtful frown. Then, he sighs, mournfully as if he had done some great sacrifice that cost him his entire life. “I’ll allow it but only if you buy me takeout as well.”
"Since when did you get so demanding?" He asks but doesn’t even attempt to bite his growing smile. “But, I can agree to that.”
His chat was spamming a multitude of emotes, ranging from hearts to tears. He spares a glance at the log, trying to gauge their reaction and his vision involuntarily lands on his mods. Jing Liu’s handle catches his attention and he reads her comment before he could think twice about it.
[SUB] sword_jingliu: LMFAO so did blade choke bc he was thinking of the boob window that came with dan feng’s outfit?
Burning-hot embarrassment rushes to his cheeks, coloring his face red and he prays that the camera doesn’t pick it up. Except, he forgot that he had upgraded the lenses a few days ago and the high-quality equipment easily catches the color change.
[MOD] SH_SilverWolf: LOL I THINK UR RIGHT HIS FACE IS RED
He hears Dan Heng laugh, amused and Blade scrambles to turn his face cam off. In hindsight, he realizes just how stupid that was because it didn’t help at all, only confirming their suspicions and he groans into the palms of his hands.
“I should ban you two,” he hisses, trying to cool down the mortifying embarrassment of being caught fantasizing about his boyfriend, not only in front of Dan Heng himself but in front of a live stream with thousands of viewers.
I am never living this down, he thinks but then he hears soft, amused laughter fill the air, and his heart stutters to a stop before rebooting back up. Ren practically drinks up the sound like a dying man, his embarrassment briefly mollified by the light, fluttering feeling in his chest and he turns his face camera back on after some coaxing from Dan Heng.
“Not a word. Especially you, Silver.”
[MOD] SH_SilverWolf: too bad, already clipped LLLLL
Ren doesn’t even blink as he presses the red ban button next to her name.