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Kenny’s coughing sounded alarmingly wet. He’d developed pneumonia, Stan had overheard the doctors telling him and his family when he’d arrived at the hospital. He’d been waiting outside the room, a bouquet of flowers in his arms. He knew it was cheesy, but he didn’t know what to buy someone who was only eighteen and dying. Was it insensitive to bring him something living? Did Kenny even like flowers? He wasn’t sure, it just felt like the right thing to do. He’d asked his mom for help choosing some and ended up with a bunch of chrysanthemums.
He’d also overheard the doctor tell Kenny that the pneumonia would probably be what killed him. He didn’t hear how Kenny responded to that.
Now, the flowers were in a vase and Stan was sat at Kenny’s bedside pretending nothing was wrong, pretending like his best friend wasn’t actively trying to cough up a lung.
"Can you pass my water?" Kenny asked eventually. His voice was hoarse and his breath sounded wheezy. It rattled around his chest like it was hollow. But he’d gotten a full sentence out, which was a small victory.
Stan obliged and held the little paper cup and straw up to Kenny’s lips. He knew he hated it, how dependent it made him, but he’d also insisted he was sick of the ice chips so this was the compromise. It was a deal he’d made with Kyle and Stan would be damned if he went against Kyle’s word.
Kenny took an extra long sip, maybe because he really needed it or maybe just to prove he could, and leant back against his pillows. He exhaled heavily and shakily, like the small action had exhausted him. Stan put the cup down.
"Did you get it working?" Kenny asked and he did sound a little better now he was hydrated.
Stan looked back down at the controller in his hands. "Yeah I think so."
He’d snuck the new PlayStation in, because it really wasn’t fair to let Kenny die without playing it. That was the conclusion Tolkien had come to, all by himself, before lending his to Stan anyway.
It had some zombie game on it that Kenny had been excited about for months. Stan thought it was a little morbid, to play something about the undead as he was on his deathbed, but that was Kenny.
"Good. I want the last thing I see to be Leon Kennedy’s ass."
Stan snorted in surprise. "Huh?"
"He’s the main character Stan you—" Kenny coughed weakly. "He’s really hot. Trust me."
Stan smiled. "Okay Ken." He set the controller aside and twisted his chair so he was facing him more directly.
He didn’t know what to say. What was there to say? Sorry you’re dying? There was nothing Stan could think of that would summarise even a fraction of his feelings.
"Do you like the flowers?" he asked eventually.
Kenny smiled. "Yeah dude. It’s kinda gay though."
"Sorry."
Kenny reached out and squeezed his hand weakly. It was a good sign; just yesterday he hadn’t even been able to lock their fingers together. "Don’t be," he said softly. "No boy has ever bought me flowers before."
Stan smiled and squeezed his hand. He felt Kenny’s pulse, thready as the doctors called it, and swallowed. "Can’t imagine why."
Kenny smiled and rested his head more firmly against the pillow. He turned it to the side though, so he could keep his eyes on Stan rather than the wall opposite.
"Seriously, thanks. They’re really nice."
"I wasn’t sure what to bring," Stan admitted.
"You didn’t have to bring anything. Being here’s enough."
Kenny shuffled slightly, pulling his blankets up further and tucking his ratty teddy bear more securely under his arm. He’d had the thing for ages. Stan remembered he had it the first time, when they were all so sure he wouldn’t make it. Stan still thought about how he got there and all he saw was that bear on the floor and he thought—
He stopped himself when he felt a lump forming in his throat. They were all doing their best not to cry in front of Kenny. They knew he knew he was dying, but he didn’t need to know how badly they were hurting about it. He didn’t need the stress.
"This is gonna make you really uncomfortable but I’ve updated my will," Kenny said.
Stan looked up. "You’ve got a will."
"Yeah. I made it when I was a kid and gave Cartman my PSP. He can still have that, I guess, but it needed changing."
"Well… that’s good."
Kenny smiled and reached out to give Stan a light smack. "Don’t you wanna know what you got?"
Stan sighed and leant back in his chair. "Sure Ken."
Kenny’s smile turned in a way that could only be describe as evil. "You, my dear, get all my Playboys."
Stan’s jaw dropped in surprise, sending Kenny into a fit of laughter. He curled in on himself and banged his little fist against the bed, because it was just so hilarious to give Stan a bunch of porn when he died.
"Mind your IV," Stan scolded.
Kenny’s laughter turned to coughs and he unfurled, looking at Stan, still with humour in his eyes. Stan offered the water cup and he took a sip before speaking again. "I also have to ask you something. It’s kind of related."
"To porn?"
"To my after death wishes. But you can’t tell anyone."
Stan nodded. "Okay?"
Kenny inhaled and suddenly wouldn’t make eye contact. "I’m giving you Mysterion. If you want it."
"Mysterion?" There was no way Stan was hearing him correctly, but then Kenny nodded. "What do you mean?"
"It’s gonna sound stupid but I… I still dress up, sometimes. For Karen. When she needs someone to talk to, you know, she talks to Mysterion. Her guardian angel." Kenny sighed. "And I haven’t done it for a while cause she’s kind of too old, but she’s gonna need someone to talk to after I’m gone so I think she needs one last visit except I can’t do that. And you’re the closest to me proportionally and with the mask and stuff she probably won’t notice and—"
Kenny cut himself off with a heaving sob and he rested his head against his knees. Stan put a hand on his back and he could feel him shaking minutely. He hadn’t seen Kenny cry yet; it wasn’t a good sign.
"I’ll do it, okay?" Stan whispered. "I promise."
Kenny didn’t respond, just reached out and hugged Stan as tight as he could. He was still crying, loudly and now all over Stan’s hoodie, and he was at the point of hyperventilating.
"Kenny, Ken, it’s okay," Stan said quietly. "She’ll be okay, please, just focus on your breathing right now. Please."
Except Kenny didn’t stop, not until the nurse came in to sedate him. She glared at Stan like it was his fault, and advised him that he should probably leave.
"Let Kenny get some rest," she said.
Stan nodded. He picked up the teddy that had fallen on the floor, tucked it back into Kenny’s side, and left.
~*~
Stan bought flowers when he visited next time. Lilies. He’s just been drawn to them when he saw them at the store.
Kenny was doing worse this time. It was visible, in the circles beneath his eyes and the tube coming out of his nose that wasn’t there last time. He was back on ice chips and was sucking on one idly, staring into space, when Stan arrived. He’d still smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.
"How’re you finding the game?" Stan asked, after he’d put the lilies in a vase. Kenny had quite the collection of flowers by now; seems everyone had the same idea.
Kenny shrugged. "I finished it. I… I was kinda disappointed."
"Oh no. Why?"
"I guess I’d just been waiting for it for so long and then it was over, like I didn’t get a chance to enjoy it."
Stan smiled slightly. "I’ll get Tolkien to provide another game. Spider-Man?"
"Nah it’s okay. I don’t really have the energy anyway." Kenny tilted his head to the side to get a better look at Stan. "You look tired."
"Look who’s talking."
Kenny snorted, then coughed. "I’m dying, what’s your excuse?"
Stan’s stomach rolled. "School work. Speaking of, Wendy didn’t want you missing much so she—"
"Stan."
"She gave me all her notes, you can use them to catch up so you’ll be good for finals and—"
"Stan. Come on." Stan fell silent and looked down at his lap. Kenny sighed. "I’m not gonna do finals. I’m not gonna go to college. It’s okay."
"No it’s not."
Kenny smiled slightly, Stan caught it in his periphery. "Okay. You’re right, but I’ve accepted it."
"I wish I was as brave as you," Stan admitted.
"Yeah well… I am pretty great. You’re gonna be so fucked without me."
Stan laughed, surprising himself. "Yeah. Probably."
"Who will you share judgey looks with when Kyle and Cartman get into it?"
"Who will tell us all the innuendos that fly over our heads?"
"Urban Dictionary, probably. Or you could whip out an Ouija board… Ask my spirit."
"You’re planning on sticking around then?"
Kenny grinned and for a brief moment he looked almost like his old self. "You know I can’t stay away from you for too long."
"I’m gonna hold you to that," Stan said. "I’m gonna buy an Ouija board and I’m gonna talk to you every night."
"Every night?"
"Every single one. So do me a favour and just… don’t go into the light, alright?"
It was a selfish thing to ask but Kenny nodded. "Sure Stan." Then, suddenly, an uncharacteristically shy expression crossed his face. "Since we’re asking things…. Can you just do me a favour?"
"Anything."
Kenny swallowed. "Can you… Can you kiss me? Please?"
Stan’s breath faltered and if he was the one hooked up to all those machines he was pretty sure they’d be going haywire. "Kiss you?"
"If you want to I just— Fuck. I really like you, and I’d just like to know how it feels… before I..." He mimed slicing his throat open.
Stan still hadn’t cried in front of him yet, but he was getting dangerously close. "You like me?"
"Yeah, I do."
It wasn’t fair. Stan had been in love with him for years and— It wasn’t fair.
Stan climbed onto the bed and sat right beside Kenny. He laced their fingers together and he could count every freckle on Kenny’s face if he wanted to. "Okay," he said.
Because it was easier than a confession, easier than admitting they’d wasted all their time. Kenny’s eyes told him he knew, and he nodded, sparing him.
Stan closed the already limited space between them in a kiss. It was chaste, it had to be really. Kenny barely had it in him to hold onto Stan’s hand, let alone get hot and heavy. It lasted long enough for them both to start crying; Stan could taste the salt on Kenny’s lips before he felt the wetness slide down his own cheeks.
"Please don’t cry," Kenny whispered. He lifted his hand to wipe away Stan’s tears but couldn’t get it high enough.
Stan took his hand and helped him out. His fingers were cold against his cheek. "I’m fine," he promised. "I’m sorry."
"I wouldn’t have asked if—"
"I’m glad you did," Stan assured. He squeezed Kenny’s hand before laying it down in his lap. "I just wish you did sooner."
Kenny smiled slightly. He rested his head on Stan’s shoulder and closed his eyes. "Me too."
"It’s not fair Kenny I— I don’t want you to die."
"Me neither."
Stan swallowed thickly. "I kind of hate you for leaving. But I don’t actually."
Kenny cracked an eye open and smiled slightly. "I know. It’s okay."
"It’s not okay. I don’t know how to live without you."
For some reason Kenny laughed. "Yeah you do… You’ll be… just fine."
He closed his eyes again and for one brief moment Stan panicked. Except his heart was still beating, his chest was still rising and falling every few seconds.
Kenny was just sleeping.
~*~
Stan got a call from Kevin at 4:37 in the morning and he didn’t have to pick up to know what it was about.