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Lin shut the door of the Satomobile with a dull thud. It was pouring at the scene of the crime, as it had been for the past couple of days. She did her best to ignore the chilling water trickling down her spine through the crevices of her armour. Instead, she focused on the scene ahead of her.
“Three dead, one severely injured. We suspect arson, though it’s too early to tell,” Officer Chung reported. Lin nodded at him, taking in the state of the building. Its front had crumbled, littering rubble on the surrounding pavement, barely visible in the dark of the night. Inside, what had previously been a restaurant, or a bar, was a mess of blackened remnants of furniture, décor and stone from the fallen ceiling.
The Chief ducked under the barricade tape to have a closer look, Officer Chung trailing anxiously behind her. From here, it was clearer what had happened – a fire had started in the far corner of the room, quickly climbing up the wooden posts that braced the ceiling, causing it to fall through, and crushing the unfortunate people beneath it.
Lin scanned the room for clues as to how the fire may have started. She took in a shell of what was probably a gas tank, thrown against the wall close to the source. It was unusual for a gas tank to be kept in the salon of a hospitality establishment. So this was either neglect on the part of the owner, or a strategic placement with malicious intent. Lin reached into her belt to get her notebook and a pen to document the scene. As she did so, her eyes landed on the arm of one of the bodies trapped in the rubble. It was visible only from the elbow down, the rest of the body hidden under heaps of stone and embers.
What she saw made her freeze. The pen and notebook dropped to the floor from her suddenly trembling fingers. Officer Chung was saying something, but Lin couldn’t hear him from the echo of her pounding heart in her ears.
The hand was covered in delicate black lines. Slim rings of ink wrapped around its wrist and fingers. An intricate pattern covered the back of the hand. A chain of checks above two narrow lines, under which several different shapes – a boat, a fish, a spear – lined up to create a pattern and tell a story.
Normally, Lin didn’t cherish tattoos. In Republic City, it was mostly triad goons who covered their skin in ink – to display masculine strength, or belonging to their criminal gang, or whatever bullshit. But those were Southern Water Tribe tattoos. Done traditionally to women by women, they served to preserve the culture of the Tribe, and connect members to their ancestors and community.
Lin knew, because the same delicate lines graced the hands of her lover.
But surely, this couldn’t be Kya lying unmoving under the debris. The place wasn’t anywhere near the hospital or their apartment, so she would have no reason to be in this part of town. Yet again, Kya was a free spirit. She could do whatever she wanted, and Lin never felt entitled to knowing what Kya was up to.
Panic blossomed in Lin’s chest, hot and heavy and nauseating. She tried to quell her suddenly laboured breathing, conscious of Chung and the other officers around her. Mostly successful, she took one shaky step towards the body. She felt suspended in air, her limbs somewhere in space she couldn’t really locate. The only sensation grounding her, propping her up like a puppet, was the forceful, fast, even painful drumbeat of her heart. She didn’t want to go near the body. She didn’t want to see her partner sprawled lifeless on the floor. But Lin also needed to know, needed to see in order to believe if such terrible thing could be true.
Her weakened legs carried her to where the body lay, and she didn’t have the strength to do anything but drop on her knees beside it. With difficulty, she raised her hands and swung them, carefully clearing away the debris. She focused her gaze on where the stones dropped, hesitant to look at the body. But she knew she had to.
With a final, pained inhale, she cast her eyes at the person’s face. It was a woman with high cheekbones and a straight nose. A deep gash marred her forehead and caked her dark hair in blood.
It wasn’t Kya. The wave of relief that hit her drained the last of her strength. She slouched next to the body, bracing herself on her hands. With her eyes closed, she tried to inhale deeply and exhale.
And yet the grief wouldn’t leave. Something dark was eating her inside out, a corrosive acid spreading through her body and burning. She felt despair hollowing out her chest, leaving behind only emptiness and sorrow. What would she do without Kya? How could she live without Kya’s gentle smiles that reached her eyes, without her teasing, without the warmth she sparked within her just with her presence?
Had she told Kya that she loved her before she left for work today? The thought of Kya not knowing how deeply Lin loved her with her whole being made her feel sick. Kya was a precious thing, a kind soul that deserved all the love and care in the world.
Lin suddenly felt an overwhelmingly strong urge to protect Kya from everything bad, to make sure she was fine, safe, happy. This urge finally returned some sensation in her numb body. She got up, still shakily.
“Chief? Are you okay?” Chung asked nervously. She schooled her expression as best as she could and barked out,
“Wrap this up on your own. I’ll look at the report tomorrow.”
With that, she strode with single-minded focus out of the wrecked bar and towards her Satomobile. She was too rash on the drive home, far too careless and aggressive than usual. A part of her protested this reckless behaviour, but it was drowned out by the other emotions still raging inside of her.
She climbed up the stairs of her apartment building quickly, two steps at a time. When she reached the front door, she almost crashed through it. And there Kya was, lounging on the sofa with a book in her hands, safe, alive and well.
Upon the commotion of Lin’s loud entry, she looked up.
“Well, look who’s home early!” she teased. It was almost ten pm. Her grin dropped when she took Lin in: her hair was dishevelled, chest rising rapidly. But it was the look on her face that scared Kya the most. She had never seen such pain and fear distort her lover’s beautiful face.
“Lin, are you alright, love? What happened?” Kya stretched her arms out towards Lin.
In two strides, Lin reached her and dropped to her knees on the floor beside her. She buried her head in Kya’s chest, arms wrapping tightly around her torso. She needed to feel Kya’s warmth, the steady beat of her heart, the certainty of her breath. Kya cupped her head gently with one hand, the other draped on her shoulder.
“It’s okay, dear,” she said in between stroking her hair, “everything is fine”.
She was worried. Lin was always so stoic. Her emotions never expressed outwards, blocking up on the inside instead. Yet here she was, clutching Kya for dear life, her body taut, shaking like a leaf in the wind.
“You’re fine, I’m fine, it’s all fine, dear” she murmured, holding Lin tight.
After several minutes in Kya’s embrace, Lin finally felt the surety of her liveliness, and let that reassure her somewhat. She leaned back, arms on Kya’s knees, and looked at her face. Kya’s brows were furrowed, but she softened her gaze for Lin and smiled.
“It’s okay, dear,” Kya said, stroking Lin’s cheek with one hand.
Lin looked down and her eyes fell on Kya’s other hand. Her tattoo hugged her skin beautifully, the fine lines decorating her fingers and wrist standing out against her gentle dark skin. Lin saw now that Kya’s slender fingers were wrapped by four narrow rings of ink at the base, whereas the woman from earlier had three. How could Lin be so stupid? Had she paid so little attention to Kya’s tattoos before? The thought was unbearable. Kya was beautiful, and wonderful, and deserved all the love in the world.
Lin looked up to meet Kya’s eyes with determination. Slowly, she took both her hands in her own. She began with the left one, bringing it to her lips and kissing each tattooed finger, once per every inky line. Then she moved on to the more intricate painting on the back of her hand, tracing the pattern with small, soft kisses. Next, she paid attention to the rings wrapping around her wrist, turning Kya’s hand and kissing on the inside. She never dropped Kya’s gaze for a second, hoping to convey her love and care and devotion.
Kya was mesmerised. She didn’t know what had brought this on, but she couldn’t not enjoy it. Her whole body tingled from the intensity of Lin’s feelings. Kya got the message loud and clear. She had to bite back the tears brimming behind her eyes.
Lin repeated her ministrations with Kya’s other hand, methodically and tenderly. The intimacy of the moment soothed the panic and the sorrow little by little and allowed her breathing to finally even out. After she kissed the last line on her wrist, she squeezed Kya’s hands as they lay atop her palms and caressed her knuckles with her thumbs.
“I love you too,” Kya said quietly from above her.
Lin nodded and closed her eyes, bringing the backs of Kya’s tattooed hands to her forehead.
“There was an incident in a bar,” she muttered in Kya’s hands, “and one of the casualties had similar tattoos… I couldn’t see the body, only the hand, so I thought…”
“You thought it was me”, Kya finished her sentence quietly.
Lin nodded.
Kya’s heart clenched painfully. She couldn’t even imagine how Lin must have felt at the prospect of losing her.
“I’m fine, love” she said firmly, and squeezed Lin’s hands. Gently, she nudged Lin’s chin up so she could look at her.
“I am here, and I am fine, and I will continue to be, sweetie,” Kya said while stroking Lin’s scarred cheek.
Lin let the words wash over her and tried to process them.
“I also couldn’t stand the thought of losing you without you knowing… how much I love you” she whispered the last part.
“Lin, I know that-“
“I will put more effort,” Lin interrupted her, speaking with determination, “I will tell you ‘I love you’ more often. I will make you breakfast, and spend more time with you… I will do better, I promise” she swallowed thickly.
“Oh but sweetheart, you don’t have to. I know you’re busy and you already do enough to make me feel loved, don’t worry.” Kya responded gently.
“But I want to.” Lin shook her head. “I know I’m not the most vocal and affectionate, but –“
“None of that. You are you and I love you for you, okay? You’re more than enough, and you make me so, so happy.”
Lin’s eyes widened. This is all she wanted, to make Kya happy. And if Kya said she was happy, maybe things were okay.
She nuzzled Kya’s tattooed hands and stayed like that for a while.