Chapter Text
"-no longer your child! Not with those eyes!"
"How dare you-"
"Accept it! He is no longer just a—not with those demon eyes!"
It's loud. The whispers. He hates it. He doesn't want it. All he can see is their eyes, how they glare at him. Not even covering his ears can stop the whispers of them, of the demon eyes he has.
He hates it.
Why.
Even on an average day of Konoha, it wasn't odd to see the Nara heir alone. After all, the boy had a knack for being quite independent and being from the Nara's it wasn't weird seeing him walking alone.
What was odd was seeing him alone, on his own. Even the civilians know that the Nara heir couldn't be alone because he wanted to. No, he was always at least with someone, even if he didn't want to.
Seeing him with the Akimichi heir was the most common sight, the plumb boy always eating something. Or maybe even with the Yamanaka lady heir, always screaming his ear off about topics they don't know about.
Maybe if it was a good day, they would see them all together with some outliers like the Inuzuka boy, or the pink haired civilian girl, and at times even with the demon boy.
All in all, it was sometimes rare to see the Nara heir on his own without anyone to drag him along. But. It wasn't their business.
All but civilian rumors. What some don't know however, is that civilian rumors hold truth, they hold some information, information that a silver-haired ninja took in stride, even behind his orange book, he stared at the back of the boy and only twitched when his hidden eye under his headband throbbed. The ninja pressed his hand against the pressure almost as if responding back.
"Yeah, I know…" he whispered, yet the throbbing didn't stop, borderline painful, until the genin disappeared behind some trees, out of sight.
Kakashi looked down at his book, which was still open, and only sighed and slammed it shut with one hand, adjusting his headbang and getting up from the wall he had been leaning on. He slowly put his book away in the same pocket he always put it in. Before doing a sign and disappearing in a flash of green leaves.
On good days, Shikamaru could say that the building pressure was easy to ignore. Like a buzzing from a mosquito, it was very easy to ignore but annoying. Annoying enough to maybe make him snap at his friends, making him feel like shit after, but their eyes never held any anger. Only a mutual understanding of his situation.
On so-so days, it was more as if he had bugs crawling all across his body, it was harder to ignore and harder to hide, always shivering against the feeling, and it was pretty hard to hide this from his sensei's sharp eyes. Asuma was anything but stupid, Shikamaru knew this, and that man cares too much. Shikamaru sometimes wondered how big the man's heart was, too big for a place like this. His teammates, on the other hand, gave him an understanding look. Doing what they could so maybe Asuma could end their practice earlier so Shikamaru could leave and do what he needed to do.
On hard days, however, it was a burning sensation, all over his nerves and his body, it hurt. A lot. It felt like his body was trying to extend, like something inside of him didn't fit. And worst, his eyes. They burned. It was even harder to hide the extended blinking and flinching. Days like these is when his eyesight would go blurry. His eyes would leak tears.
(tears that as he rubbed them, he would ignore the dark red that would smudge across the back of his palm. nothing to see. ignore it.)
Usually, when it was one of these days, his teammates would notice and do everything they could do to be able to let Shikamaru slither away from Asuma. So he can go do what he needs to do, to make it stop.
(a part of him, the overwhelmingly Nara part of him, knows that Asuma knows that he isn't ok, that there is something wrong with him. yet he doesn't say anything and lets him get away with heavy questions in his eyes, but makes it seem that he was distracted by Ino and Choji's antics. Asuma is not a jounin for nothing.)
All he needs to do is get to his spot in the forest surrounding Konoha and he's fine. He'll be fine.
He goes around the forest easily, touching the trees as he goes, making the mental map he always has in his head to the spot he needs to go. He gulps and ignores the heightened feeling in his body.
He blinks the liquid that has been accumulating in his eyes away, he stops for a moment and raises his hands, pressing the bottom of his palm to his eyes and pressing. Wanting the throbbing feeling in his eyes gone.
Shikamaru, while doing that, did not notice the man that landed near him on a tree branch. Not disclosing himself, just watching as Shikamaru twitched in slight pain, still with his palms against his eyes. That man then disappeared again.
Shikamaru took a deep breath before removing his hands and continuing the route he had been walking on.
Every step he took, he could hear the whispers.
(the whispers of his shadow. speak to me, they say. pay attention to me, the scream. you can't listen to them. a Nara can't speak to their shadow—)
And the throbbing of his eyes didn't stop, but at least they could be ignored now.
(red. not his eyes. they don't belong to him. why does he have them. why is the red part of his dreams now. traitor. a fake.)
He needs to go. Then, he can ignore it. Like he always had.
(you can't ignore it for long… it whispers cruelly in the back of his head. you can't hide for long little Nara… secrets aren't meant to be hidden for long. Shikamaru blocks the voice from his head, but the laughter echoes through his mind.)
The words and that sentence repeats over and over in his head. Distracted, he doesn't notice the person leaning against a nearby tree, an orange book open.
Only did Shikamaru notice when a pulse of chakra reached him.
(it wouldn't be until later, after he was done, with a clear head, and a conversation deep in his mind that the curiosity of that pulse of chakra would register. a pulse, made on purpose, to let Shikamaru know he was there. Willingly. Only then would Shikamaru wonder how much was truth, and how much was exaggeration. why would someone like him know about secrets anyways…)
Shikamaru stopped and looked towards the origin of that feeling.
It took Shikamaru a while to register the ninja and see that he was familiar. The silver hair, the mask, the covered eye—(the one that had the sharingan- quiet. stop. no.)—the orange book (which Shikamaru was sure was porn… probably… most likely.)
Shikamaru stared a bit at the familiar ninja, who finally noticed him and put a mask of surprise at seeing him.
"Oh! Mini-Shikaku, how rare to see you alone! Especially around these parts!" A jovial tone said with something else that put Shikamaru on edge.
The genin squinted at the silver haired ninja, his mind processing before finally looking at him in familiarity.
"Oh… I know you. You're Naruto's sensei. Kakashi Hatake. My dad also talks about you." Shikamaru said with his familiar lazy drawl. Squaring up against the jounin, he didn't expect anyone in the forest, he even avoided the parts where Shinobi's train often!
Kakashi, closing his book, looks at Shikamaru, something in his eyes, hard and dark, enough to make Shikamaru slightly shiver. Just as Kakashi closed the book, a closed eyed smile overtook the jounin's features, whatever dark look he had before gone under the now cheerful smile.
"Oh? I hope only good things!" Kakashi says, "About how handsome I am maybe!"
Shikamaru makes a face, "More about how late you are to meetings and how he can't understand your mission reports"
Kakashi blinked at the boy before chuckling.
What is going on, I need to go. Shikamaru thinks looking to the side.
Kakashi notices and goes quiet. He leans away from the tree he had been on and walked closer to Shikamaru.
"Say, mini-Shikaku… it's different to see you on your own." Shikamaru flinches, Kakashi either doesn't notice or doesn't care as he keeps going. "I usually see you with the Akimichi heir, or with the Yamanaka girl. Even some of my own little bundle of cute students can be seen with you at times."
Shikamaru gulps.
"So. What has you so alone, little Nara?" Kakashi ends with a close eyed smile and tilt of his head. Even with Kakashi's eyes closed, Shikamaru still feels dissected, like the jounin was looking deep into his soul for the answers.
Shikamaru racked his mind for an excuse, one coming to him quickly.
"I'm… going to go cloud watching…" He said, the lie flowing easily through his lips. He wasn't exactly lying, maybe when he was done, he could do some cloud watching. To take the edge off.
Kakashi hummed, not looking quite convinced.
"You have to be careful around these parts mini-Shikaku. You never know what could be in this forest."
Shikamaru raised an eyebrow at the jounin, confused. He looked at Kakashi with a bewildered face.
"Like animals? We don't have anything dangerous here. Unless you think a tiny squirrel or bird is going to kill me." Shikamaru said with a light smile.
Kakashi hums again. "Sure. Animals. You never know what could be hiding in the shadows." There was a tone in Kakashi's voice that stumped Shikamaru. Why is he saying this? Why is he telling him this?
(a warning… it says. listen to the wolf… it whispers.)
A jolt of pain interrupted his thoughts process, a pulse of pain flowing through his veins and it takes everything in him to not make any noise. He quickly looks down and widens his eyes in slight panic, quickly looking up at Kakashi who was still looking at him.
He needs to go. Now.
"Right. I'll… make sure to be careful. I gotta go." Shikamaru says quickly and turns to the side just as quickly, enough so he couldn't be stopped.
Shikamaru still feels Kakashi's pointed stare at his back, he doesn't stop walking and keeps going.
"Oi! Mini-Shikaku!" Shikamaru stops for a small second.
"There are only so many secrets you can hide, little one. That shadow of yours isn't long enough to hide them all."
Shikamaru takes a sharp breath, panic flowing through his body, his heart pumping erratically. He turned around in a flash, mouth open to question only to see that no one was there anymore.
(the wolf is right… it whispers crawling all over his mind. there are ears and eyes everywhere little deer… it mumbles in his ear, the tickling sensation making him shiver. Iisten to the wolf… it hisses at him.)
Shikamaru shakes his head and lets out a light scoff.
"What does he know about secrets. We don't need to listen to him." He whispers to himself, it took him a moment but he continued to walk.
(he ignores the disappointment it feels, who cares about its feelings. Nara's aren't supposed to- stop. stop thinking.)
Shikamaru kept walking. Unbeknownst to him, Kakashi stood just above him on a nervy branch, a thoughtful look on his face. The throbbing on his eye caught his attention. In the time he had been close to the young Nara, the pressure didn't stop.
His sharingan, Obito, was trying to tell him something. He just knew it.
Kakashi stayed there until he saw that Shikamaru was completely gone.
"Well. Let's see if you are as smart as they say… Shikamaru-kun." And with that, Kakashi disappeared in a flash of green leaves.