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"Nancy, I don't think this is a good idea." Barbara whispers wearily checking over her shoulder. Despite her jittery nerves she keeps Nancy's cheap flashlight trained on the lock of Ms. Turner's door. They've made it so far there's no way she's going to back out now. Usually it would be her in that position, watching her best friend break into their school in the middle of the night, but she promised herself it was for a good cause.
It's not their fault that Ms. Turner gives out the hardest tests in the entire fifth grade, so they shouldn't be punished for failing their end of the year test. Nancy swears she's never seen half of the stuff in the study packet in her entire life. Who's it going to hurt if she and Barb copy down the answers? Not their grades. That's for sure.
She fiddles with the lock using a screwdriver and her uncle's old work badge. Normally Nancy would worry about damaging it, but the lock is so simple she's positive their teacher will never notice. Besides stupid boys like Steve and Tommy trip enough kids coming in and out of class everyone can just blame the busted lock on them. Foolproof.
"Track suits are a bad idea, Barb," Nancy hears a click, "Ah-ha!" She pushes the door in revealing a dark classroom. A stiff cold rushes over her. Come on, she tells herself, you're ten years old being afraid of the dark is for babies. Taking Barb's hand they walk side by side to Ms. Turner's desk. Sitting neatly on top of a large pile of those dreaded tests is the answer sheet.
One answer sheet.
Nancy's not sure if it's a fake set out to trick them and get them both in trouble. Her father would wrangle her if she got expelled. He never listens to her. Being careful to not disturb the pile too much she doesn't find anything to prove theirs is a decoy. Barb managed to compare some answers to the test to prove her suspicion doesn't hold water. They copy the answers to a piece of paper and leave as quietly as they entered.
The ride back home was exhilarating. Racing through the road that cuts across the forest she feels like a wild bandit escaping into the red dust of the old west. Pedaling as fast as she could she whooped and called into the cold spring night. Her heart races as her breath crystalizes against the pitch black. Barb laughs, her long red hair billowing in the wind, "You're insane, Nance!"
They make it back to Barb's house as quietly as they can. Her home is warm to Nancy. It's a breath of fresh air against the rough tension on her own. She almost feels bad for leaving Mike at home, but with Will over he shouldn't be alone. Barb hugs her the moment her feet land on the plush carpet. Heaps of whispered praises flutter around her like she wasn't fighting Nancy all the way up.
There's nothing personal behind it. Barb is an overly cautious person, anxious until proven wrong, but it's a strong contrast to her steadfast support. Even though Nancy has a hard time with anything that doesn't involve academics she has Barb to fall back on. In a way Barb protecta her. She's Nancy's best friend after all. Fifth grade would be boring without her.
After seering the answers into their heads and writing them on the eraser sleeve they get back into their pajamas. As she slips on her tank top she feels a bright buzz spreading over her heart. Looking down the gasp that escapes her mouth is loud enough to wake half of Indiana. Barb rushes over trying to poke her arm through the oversized sleep shirt. Nancy touches the word that writes out in sloppy handwriting.
Barb's cold hands ghost across the words over Nancy's heart. Intelligent, the word has been with her for so long she can't remember a time it wasn't there. Her mother told her about the beauty of soulmates. How somewhere out in the vast world would love her, unconditionally entirely devoted, and written on her skin would be the traits they love most. Resting beneath it Nancy can see the word, Daring.
Her mother used to lament, placing her hand over her incomplete words, an old wives tale. Souls born with a strong moral compass are granted words with unquestionable meanings. Solid and true. The younger a soul is when their words take shape the stronger the love. Fierce and loyal. Love will form in the order of which the words appear. When they fall in love the cold flesh they've known their entire life will grow warm.
An eternal love with no bounds. The kind of love her mother never knew. Nancy knows she's still looking for him, and she hopes he's doing the same. Her mother deserves a fairy tale ending. She loves Nancy so much even without someone to share it with. It makes her feel guilty for being the reason why she stopped. Barb softly cooes wondering aloud if she'll ever meet her's.
Nobody else in their class has more than their first word. Some, like Barb, don't have even that yet. She thinks she can feel his heartbeat on the fresh word. Daring, he'll love her for something so unbecoming for a girl. He won't find her stubbornness annoying but something to be cherished, and he wouldn't want to change her for anything in the world. Because to him she's perfect.
Looking into Barb's eyes Nancy spies an emotion close to jealousy mixed into her brown eyes. She wants what her parents have, the only adults Nancy knows that are soulmates, and seeing her best friend experience something she hasn't yet must hurt deeply. Shaking her head Barb's eyes clear as she quotes their favorite movie, "God bless the man who calls you his soulmate."
The years crawl forward. They pass Ms. Turner's test with a strategic 'B' and soon forget about that night entirely. Carol Perkins shows up to sixth grade with all three of her words written neatly on her chest. Girls fawn over her not noticing, or mentioning, that the letters kept changing shape, and it looked suspiciously close to her older sister's handwriting. People would stop caring as the months passed. Before she knew it she found herself in the awkward limbo between middle and high school.
Mike, her shitbird little brother, spends more of his time with his friends. It hurts at first to see him drift away from her, but she supposes it's the only good response as she starts falling onto Barb as well. Even though they don't spend much time with each other as they used to she still cares for him, so when he comes home red faced and close to crying his eyes out she gets an idea.
She's read through his Dungeons and Dragons book a few times, it was her Christmas gift after all, and she became fascinated by the Elf class. With the help of his best friend she managed to sew together a half decent robe, fished out an old tiara, and craft pointed ears with some putty. Nancy digs out a notebook filled to the brim with campaign ideas from when she had to teach Mike and his friends the game. Getting herself refamiliarized felt natural.
Barb was right. She is a nerd.
With her toy archery set strapped to her back she descended the steps swiftly. Her brother and his friends sat around the cheap dinner table they got from her grandmother when she moved to Florida. They're slumped over looking almost too dramatically downtrodden. Will stands on a step behind her wielding her dad's hiking stick. Slamming it onto the wooden plank a hollow bang bolsters his announcement, "Gentlemen! Bow down before Queen Evastria the Eternal!"
Mike looks up still crying, and the overwhelming sadness within them spurs her on, "I have watched your simple minded party galavant through the shire. Through your spineless adventures you may have vanquished many of my oafish compatriots, but I can see through your bumbling victories as nothing more than a chance upon lady luck! As you can see I have trapped you within my labyrinth. I will accept nothing but unconditional surrender."
One by one she sees them slowly return to the usual rowdy group of nerds she knows. Will lays out the first sheet of grid paper placing their figures in the middle. Describes the layout trying hard to not break character. It's a simple room carved out within a large cave system; there are exits in the shape of giant faces beckoning them into the darkness revealed by their gaping jaws. Above just barely seen in the shadows are smaller faces with hollow eyes and open mouths. If they look hard enough there's a rope dangling from high above.
She smiles when Dustin challenges her, "Unconditional surrender my ass!" He charges towards the entryway carved with the face of a wise old man. She gives him both die telling him he needs a perfect twenty and a ten. It's rigged just enough to make the outcome satisfying whether or not Dustin hits it. The boys cheer him on their bad mood effectively squashed by their collective excitement.
Dustin rolls a sixteen and eight. The group dissolves into loose chaos. Nancy darkly relays that his character charged the egress to find himself flung back to his party member's sides then describes large stone slabs sliding down from behind the mouths. They're trapped. From above water pours from the gaping holes in on the smaller faces. She tells the boys that they have two minutes to escape.
Mike and Dustin try to break through the slabs, but only manage to injure each other. Lucas takes shots at the faces hoping it might trigger something. It aggravates the water flow meaning they now have less time. Will asks her the layout of the room again and she grants him that mercy. His level head might just save them because when she gives him one crucial bit of information his eyes light up. He tells them to wait.
The water lifts them off the ground. Dustin tries to roll for action in a last ditch effort to save them, but his character is instead weighed down by his heavy armor. Everybody starts shedding their own armor to buy themselves time, yet every action they take proves useless. As the water rises the ceiling comes closer, Will proudly proclaims, "I reach up and pull the rope!"
Success! The water drains from the room and the party members land on the ground ready to explore. A large boulder crumbles in the mouth of a king beckoning them in further. It's the call to adventure and the boys seize it without a second thought. Though Evastria's face is impassive on the inside Nancy is smiling from ear to ear from the excitement in her little brother's eyes.
Later that night after the boys tire themselves out she slowly makes her way up the stairs shedding her costume on her dresser too exhausted to do anything else than taking a shower. Tonight was a healthy distraction from the newfound stress of being too old to stay home but too young to go anywhere. The tight binds of social expectations have been so constricting lately. Most of the friends she had growing up have slowly started distancing themselves.
Nancy hopes, against all evidence, that high school won't be as lonely as this summer.
The concept of warmth is an out of reach mystery. Her mother loved to compare the feeling to a well worn song. Nancy takes a record from her mother's old collection. Loading her favorite onto her hand-me-down player the soft guitars of Emerald Eyes wafts into the air light and without care. She lays down rubbing her hand over her heart feeling the raised skin of someone else's handwriting. A smile bubbles up onto her lips thinking about the person on the other side.
Would he be tall, rouged, and charming or would he be reserved, plain, and barely taller than her. A romantic or a realist? How would they meet? Will it be a once in a lifetime moment where they both knew or would it draw out over the years until they found themselves in love? Is he here in Hawkins or is he somewhere far away in another country? Like her, would he be searching the world?
She likes to think the thrumming under her fingertips is his heart beating alongside her's. A steady reminder that she isn't alone. Friends come and go. Love can fade. Time is eternal, but so is the connection to a man who she knows, no matter how he looks, is the most beautiful man in the world. If the words already are a sign he would love her not despite her negative qualities, but because of them.
Something foreign blooms under her touch. It's a bright burst she's never felt before. She must have at least twice in her life because her finger traces the words as they appear. The moment that soft buzzing disappears Nancy gets up from her bed grabbing the mirror on her bedside table. There in the reflection are the two words she committed to memory ages ago and her final word freshly written beneath, Kind.
Fifteen finds her with a boyfriend, a posse of the school's biggest bullies, and a failing relationship with her best friend. Barb has been distancing herself from Nancy doing the one thing she promised to never do. Carol and Tommy are manageable if she ignores them. Steve's sweet when he wants to be. He shows her a side of him few people ever get to see, but that was a product of his self consciousness.
It doesn't make his actions any more favorable. He's a bully, King Steve, kids cower from his shark-like eyes. His words are blunt that hit hard when he wants them to. There were a few times he insulted her because he couldn't turn off the persona. Although sometimes it doesn't feel like it's one at all. Their relationship feels more like it's for his pleasure more than her's. Making out before class, needing to grab her in public, showing her off like a prize.
At first it was flattering. She felt like someone who was desirable, she felt pretty, and she lived in a small bubble of euphoria.The moment it burst sent her crashing hard into the packed earth.
Carol told her that her first time would be mind blowing. That she would achieve a bliss unknown to man, but when she meekly crossed the bridge with Steve she was met with a cold shame. The moment he was satisfied he rolled off of her already tumbling into a deep sleep. She sat awake for hours until the light of the morning greeted her with silent condemnation of a little girl who thought she could make the decisions of a woman.
As she walked through the halls of Hawkins High she could feel the eyes on her. Every time she caught someone staring she shrank further and further into herself. Steve swears up and down that he told nobody else, but the mischievous edge in his smile couldn't guarantee that Tommy and Carol didn't. She accepted his puppy dog apology and found herself reluctantly smiling at his kiss.
When she gets to class she finds herself on the precipice of shattered innocence.
Barbara Holland, her best friend since kindergarten, was dead. Years would pass before her worst fears would be confirmed and it took decades for her to fully accept the loss. For the moment she's faced with an isolation so heavy it feels like a ton of bricks sitting on top of her chest. Seeing the photographs that Jonathan took crushed it in. She thought he was a harmless quiet kid who wouldn't harm a fly, but seeing him take advantage of her vulnerability made her feel sick.
Nancy tried to see the good in him despite him never trying to see more in her. He bucked and brayed against her all the while they searched. Finding the portal was one thing, but going into it was another. She was spurred on by his words that almost challenged her for her cowardice. That whatever soulmate waiting for her would inevitably drag her into the same life her mother fought against. Watching her entire world crumble she took whatever comfort she could take.
Shared trauma. She read about it in psychology during sophomore year. It's the backbone of her entire relationship with Jonathan. Steve threw her in the trash publicly humiliating as a side to destroying her social life. Jonathan was all she had left after Barb. Her little brother effectively shut her off as he turned into a preteen. Her friends became passing acquaintances, applying for jobs became an obstacle course, and the only person she could talk to was Jonathan.
Despite the betrayal she saw something more to Jonathan, and he saw something in her. Of course with a shaky start it was inevitable that their relationship was fraught with arguments. Most would venture into the large economical gap between them, she was used to those, but sometimes it was over who lost more to the Upside Down. Those always left her feeling hollow. At least he got his little brother back.
When he was sweet there was no better love in the world. He spent countless expensive rolls all on portraits of her. Holding her when she needed to feel someone else close. His apologies came in the form of sincere words and dates. Dates with Jonathan felt more like something they both needed than the quick satisfaction of a backseat.
Getting a job at the Post was the sledgehammer to the weak pillars. They fought more, their dates grew sperse, and their insecurities came to light. When the men at the Post gave her lead away for the third week in a row she decided to keep it to herself when the next case fell into her lap. She was at the deli waiting for the office's order when she overheard the son of the pharmacist talking to a kid from school. Keeping her head in her book she listened to them discuss a deal.
Before she knew it she had the bones of exposé prime to print on the same day Hopper and his deputies bust an underground drug ring. The pharmacist's son is selling hard prescription drugs for the cheap. All she needs is concrete evidence and a slip up. It comes when he decides to park his Fiero in the pharmacy overflow parking behind the building and away from prying eyes.
"This isn't a good idea Nancy. It's illegal. You're breaking into some guy's car. For what? For a story that nobody will believe?" Jonathan nags, verbally trying to pull her back, he caught her sneaking off and insisted he come solely to get her out of trouble. She's had her lip firmly stuck between her teeth trying hard not to snap at him, sighing, "It's not breaking, okay? It's just a Pontiac. It doesn't take an act of Congress."
"Nancy. This is stupid. Don't you ever think things through?" The moment the words leave Jonathan's lips, her hands, that were digging through her purse, stall. A cold tight pain stretches across her chest. It's epicenter lies over her heart. Her words thrum with a scorching pain hearing someone she loves criticize a quality she will one day be loved for.
Looking into his eyes she sees his worry clouded by frustration. There was a time when she wondered if the man she was dating could be him. Steve loved her wild side and often wondered aloud how someone so sweet could ever exist. How lucky he was to be her's. Though he never cared for her brain. He openly complained about her spending more time studying than in his bed or playfully mocked her about making honor roll, again.
That was when she first felt the deep ache. The ache which only her soulmate could fix. Her mother calmly talked her through it when she came home from school terrified that she was having a heart attack. She thought that maybe Jonathan would be the solution. Their relationship, flawed as it is, was a breath of fresh air.
Jonathan adored her intelligence. He's said many times that Nancy is the only woman in the world who could solve the mysteries of the Upside Down. She's seen the look of love in his eyes when she interacts with his little brother or stops to greet pets who want attention. However, despite showing how capable she is he still insists on fighting back. Nancy could fell a demogorgon with her bare hands and he'd still treat her like she was nothing more than a child in over her head.
In quiet moments she believes their relationship could be compared to a firework. A large bright spectacular burst that burned too quickly before a true bond could be formed. The joy lasts for a moment before it's forgotten when another explodes in its place. Then, when it's all said and done, the only thing that remains are tendrils of smoke falling to the ground.
There was a time she thought he could be her soulmate, but the fantasy is proving itself to be a mirage.
Pulling out her uncle's old Parisienne key she slides it into the locked driver's side door. Thank god for the idiot at GM who never changed Pontiac's key design. Leaving as little trace of her as she can she slips in. Her hands reach for the compartment first finding only a few fast food receipts and some movie tickets. Next she tries under the seat. She pulls out a notebook bulging with extra pieces of paper and wear. Nancy stuffs it into her purse and locks the door.
"That's personal property. Nancy. This is stealing." Jonathan's voice has the hard edge of an argument hidden under his tongue. Doing her best to ignore it she rushes back down the alleyway looking as inconspicuous as possible. He hovers behind her clutching his camera close sneaking peeks over his shoulder. Leaning close he finishes, "Some of us can't afford to go to jail."
"One: Last time I checked, wild animals can't report a crime. Two: Hopper has better things to do than look for a missing notebook. A notebook filled with incriminating evidence." Nancy seethes gritting her teeth. Rounding the corner she heads into the deli. She knows the office is going to make fun of her for their lunch arriving late, and the last thing she needs is an argument.
To both of their dismay they don't get arrested while Nancy loses her story. Tom somehow found out, Jonathan swears it wasn't him, and her lead story, everything is ripped from her hands. He threatened to sack her and throw in the cuffs too, but she talked him down with the promise to turn the notebook in. Par for the course when it comes to being Nancy Wheeler.
Summer passes by with another threat from the Mindflayer and the Upside Down. Her little brother got dumped, her relationship with Jonathan was left in tatters, her social circle expands marginally, and she almost dies twice in two drastically different circumstances. Cowering in the face of death gave her perspective on her relationships. She might be able to accomplish whatever the hell she wants on her own, but she never wants to die alone.
Watching Jonathan move across the country should have evoked something more sympathetic than relief. He was her friend, she felt safe under his touch, and genuinely loved him. No matter how much she loves the memory of him she can't help but feel bitter to any everlasting testament to what they once had. Jonathan, in their last few moments, held her close.
He promised to give her everything he didn't give her when they were close now that they'll be far away. Jonathan pours out his entire heart to her confessing that there is no him without her. Looking into her eyes she sees the tears shining. She takes his hands putting them up to her heart hoping to feel an ounce of what he does. A shocked gasp falls from his lips, he asks, "Can you feel it? The warmth?"
His hands are still cold.
Robin Buckley is an enigma. Somehow after spending nearly thirteen years in the same class they never met until the ever growing black hole of the Upside Down dragged her down with them. Once Nancy saw her she couldn't go a day without her there in some form. With an annoying habit of burrowing into people's hearts Robin made her presence as constant as the sun on the horizon.
Dustin couldn't go five minutes without mentioning her, Lucas was always complaining about Erica's new babysitter, and wherever Steve goes Robin isn't too far behind. It should be driving Nancy up the wall, but it doesn't. She likes Robin's company. There's something endearing about her being so unapologetically herself. It drew Nancy in the first time they properly met.
Nancy loves her classmates at the Streak but being editor-in-chief is about as stressful as being locked in a box with an angry badger and a demogorgon. Since Hawkins terrible football team managed to drag itself to state this year there are some nights she doesn't come home until long after the streetlights have turned on. She loves it.
One night after spending hours condensing one of Fred's meandering reports she gets out at a respectable six in the afternoon. She's stuffing her notebook into her bag when she nearly trips over someone waiting on the sidewalk outside of the band room. Before she can apologize she hears a frantic, "Shit! I'm sorry! Are you okay? I didn't mean to trip you, swear! My best friend keeps telling me I need to wear a traffic cone on my head and I like one hundred percent agree!"
"It's alright. I'm okay. You're Robin? Right?" Nancy asks. She can't help the smile on her face as Robin tries to correct herself. When she shoulders her backpack the weight of it has her tumbling backwards towards her instrument case. Before she can trip Nancy reaches out to steady her. Robin answers, breathless, "Um, yeah, that's- I'm Robin. I guess this is the second time you saved my life. I'm in debt to you or something, Nancy Wheeler."
"That's funny. I don't remember giving you my name." Nancy teases in spite of herself. Robin blanches, her eyes widen, and Nancy can see her mind reeling. She gapes like a fish, trying to save face, "Oh, shit, it's- we- um, cultural osmosis. We have the same friends, or in my case friend, and we have been in the same class since forever, and like everyone knows about the untouchable Nancy Wheeler. Also there's the-"
"Robin! Breathe, I'm only playing," Nancy keeps her tone light, "So what are you doing here? I thought band ended after four?" She thanks every god that abandoned her that the snow storm isn't rolling in until the end of the week. Looking down Nancy takes note of Robin's oversized jacket. At least she won't freeze to death.
"It did. My um- my ride was supposed to pick me up, but knowing him he's probably jamming his tongue down Judy Norman's throat again." Robin snorts with an edge in her voice and softness in her eyes. A twinge of longing breaks out. She wishes she still had that. Packing it away Nancy mutters more to herself, "That sounds like Steve, so would you like me to take you home? I don't want to find a human popsicle in history tomorrow."
"Sure," Robin smiles, "Lead the way Ms. Wheeler." She picks up her instrument case without falling over showing immense pride in the feat. They spent the drive talking about school, weighing in on the bland gossip, and just pretending to be normal. That single thirty minute drive to the edge of the county was the closest she'll ever get to therapy. It's no wonder why Steve can't get enough of her.
Life goes on. She and Robin work on a report together later that month. They don't talk much outside of school and their relationship could be described generously as passing acquaintances. However she notes the smaller complexities to being one of the few to notice Robin Buckley. She's quick with sharp retorts ready to defend either her own or someone else's honor, she always has a book in hand, and at every lunch period she hides behind the old stadium concession stand. However, that's all she cares to know about.
The Streak gets a feature in the Indiana Star. Her mother bought at least five copies so she could show it to her friends, proud that her daughter's making a name for herself, and her father simply acknowledges that she can finally do some honest journalism. Although honest journalism to him is kissing Ronald Regan's ass, and she'd rather stick her head into the jaws of a demogorgon before that.
Spring comes and they're thrown into another stress inducing ride with what could be the most sadistic thing the Upside Down has thrown at them. Chrissy Cunningham, the sweetest girl in school, is dead. Fred died alone and afraid. Just like Barb. Sure he might have been a cynical pessimist, but he was just a nerd who took out his frustration with his bullies by writing about them. If she never let him wander away he might still be here.
It always happens when she gets too caught up in herself. She pushed Barb away so she could sleep with Steve and let her die in the cold abyss of the Upside Down. If she held tight to her feelings for Jonathan then she wouldn't feel like she's stuck in a beartrap of fading love. Maybe, just maybe, if she didn't get distracted by a story and told him to stay home the Fred wouldn't have died twisted and drained of blood.
When Robin insists on coming with her the first thought in her mind is to push her back towards Steve because she refuses to be the reason why another person dies. She could never look Steve in the eyes again. Even as he tried to take her place she, just as stubborn, used her reasoning to cow him into giving up. As Robin sat in the same spot Fred did barely a day ago she made a promise to never let her die the same as him.
With the help of Robin she found that her baseless theory held water. When she heard Robin praise her Nancy had to keep herself from preening at the compliment. They wake early that morning to Max writing at the desk. The moment she closed the door to the basement Robin asked with heavy concern in her voice, "Did she even sleep?"
"Would you?" Nancy's at the phone calling the first person on her list. Teddy Cramer is a mega geek. He makes Dustin look like a hillbilly when it comes to computers. If anybody could fake very authentic University documents it would be him. Picking up on the second ring he gives a disinterested greeting, so she acts as sweet as possible, "Hi, Ted? Could you do me a huge favor, please?"
"For you? Anything." Teddy's weepy voice has a dreamy sigh to it despite being woken up by her. Half of the guys at the newspaper have a thinly veiled crush on her, and even though she feels bad for exploiting them she has to admit it's extremely useful when going undercover. Wrapping the cord around her finger she peeks up to wink at Robin, answering, "You will?! Oh, you're the best! I need you to forge some documents for me and my friend. I'm doing a piece on the criminally insane."
"And you need college clearance?" Teddy asks already at his computer, "Come over and I'll have you set in an hour." Pressing herself against the wall she doesn't want to look at Robin anymore. It might kill her to see anybody else regard her with the same deep frustration as Jonathan. She gives him a few names and just enough information to seem legitimate. Thanking him profusely she hangs up before he can ask her out.
Closing her eyes Nancy barely squeaks out an apology before she hears, "Holy shit! That was awesome Nancy! You're like a mob boss or something! You have a bunch of minions who will wait on you hand and foot! Remind me to never get on your bad side because I don't think I want to take a long swim in Lovers Lake with concrete shoes."
"That didn't bother you?" Nancy's voice is tinted with confusion. Robin is bouncing on her heels. Her eyes are gleaming with sheer adoration like Nancy just raised the Titanic itself from the icy depths of the Atlantic Ocean. It's been so long since someone looked at her like that. She's grown so used to an argument that she's taken back by the genuine awe in Robin's voice, "Not at all."
"But this is illegal." Nancy prompts hoping it can jump start reality and give her the fight she knows is due. Robin might be too good to be true but even she has to have some doubt. Instead Robin, sitting crouched on one of her dining room chairs, slaps the top of her knees in excitement. Her lower lip slips in between her teeth, shrugging, "Even better."
The words above her heart buzz with something new. Like the cold air around them dissipated leaving an entirely foreign feeling. It feels like the air around a fire. Thin yet wraps around her body so easily breaking apart the cold lessening it and growing the world around her. For a moment, if Nancy could ever let herself, she can believe that this is what warmth feels like.
On the ride to Teddy's place she notices the small changes from the first time Robin sat in her car. At first she kept her hands to herself still teeming with energy but too new to let it out. Now she flutters about her space drumming her fingers to the song on the radio or her hands dancing in the air as she speaks. She talks freely about herself now, but it's more in the vain of explaining her more 'negative' attributes.
They arrive at Teddy's house before dawn. It's a small flat house reminding her of the military home she used to see outside of Charlestown when her family used to visit her uncle. Teddy refurbished his parents garage, living out of it and building computers when he's not at school. The moment he sees Robin his eyes light up. He greets her with a nerd handshake, "Robin! I'm surprised to know the smartest girl in Hawkins is friends with the best trumpet player in Indiana!"
"Don't be. She's a nerd just like us." Robin answers sounding more at peace. Stepping back Nancy watches Robin's defenses lower, turning into someone softer and casually cooler. Teddy is Robin's complete opposite; he's shorter, more round, and his long shaggy hair is almost always in his face. He excitedly rushes to his bookshelf handing Robin a copy of Lone Wolf, Shadow on the Sand. It's a game book series that Dustin is obsessed with and she now knows the person who showed him.
Like he said on the phone within the hour they have everything they need. The small batch of references was more than enough. He gives them the fake documents excited to learn about the scoop when it's over. Robin has an extra trick up her sleeve. She snatches up both the papers and Nancy's portfolio and swiftly disappears into Teddy's house. When she comes back she has a cat-like smirk on her face.
Nancy follows her into the car. As they drive through the morning traffic she sadly watches Robin's defenses raise, but to her relief they aren't as high anymore. She preens at the small observation. They talk about Victor Creel growing more and more excited as they get closer to her house. When they get there Robin rushes in first ready to surprise Steve. Staying behind Nancy looks at the fake documents. On the line above Dr. Brantley's name is his signature written perfectly in ink pen.
"Hey- uh, Wheeler? A little help?" Robin asks sheepishly. She turns around to find her actively wrestling with the unconventional buttons. There's a reason why it's her least favorite shirt. Smiling to herself she wanders over to rescue her from the dastardly decorative buttons. Her first form of action is actually getting Robin into the shirt. Which shouldn't be too big of an issue. The shirt used to be Barb's.
She tamps down those dark thoughts by noticing the words over Robin's head. It's a very strong social taboo to look at someone's soulmark but all social convention went out the window the day she saw the words Nancy 'The Slut' Wheeler on the awning of The Hawk. Besides there's something almost endearing about Robin's words: Clever, Loyal, Clumsy. Nancy raises an eyebrow, a coy smirk playing with her lips, "Clumsy, huh?"
"What?! Oh- um, yeah. It's nice to know I could trip, fall down the stairs, and break my neck and my soulmate would still find me charming." Robin rushes out in one breath. Nancy doesn't expect the snort flying from her lips genuinely caught off guard by the comment. Robin can be funny when she isn't trying to psychoanalyze her relationships. Humming out the last bit of her laugh she counters, "I'm sure Steve would be right next to you, snapped neck and all."
The loud laugh that thunders from Robin's chest shakes her entire body as she loudly protests, "Me?! Soulmates with Steve 'The Hair' Harrington?! Platonic sure, but romantic? A date? With him? No thanks, Nance. I'd gladly take my chances with helping Ted Wheeler and put up your Christmas lights instead."
A burst lights up in Nancy's chest. Despite her less than hospitable introduction when they met last year, as well as the library earlier, Robin's incessant ramblings have started losing their annoying luster. In fact they're becoming more endearing like it's a trait with the same nobility as the word, Loyal. Steve warns her up and down to give Robin a couple of days to warm up to, but she finds herself clicking into place with Robin much easier than he made her believe.
It feels like Robin has also caught onto whatever this is. She wields an old nickname like it was her's alone. Quick and simple as if it wasn't something heavy. An old nickname that seems to be said out of sheer annoyance more than anything now. Her boyfriend calls her that when he feels exhausted from her dogged approach to journalism, or when he feels like she's being unfair. The way Robin says it... Nancy shakes her head, "Nance?"
"Oh, sorry!" Robin's eyes grow large, gaping like a fish, "I didn't mean to cross a line. Are like nicknames strictly for like after blood pacts and surviving the supernatural apocalypse? Oh, wait, do you not like them? It's like total habit to call people nicknames, not like that should be an excuse, but if I see a guy with a bushy mustache I'm gonna call him 'Pornsatche' because a guy should never-" Nancy stops her tumbling rambles with a gentle press of her finger against Robin's lips.
"It's fine, Robin, I promise. It's just been a while since somebody called me that." Not since Barb died. A soft smile works its way onto her face. Barb always called her that. She rarely ever called her by her name. The few times she did it was a warning that she was disapproving whatever Nancy was doing. Everytime Steve tries saying it, so softly like she were fragile, it makes her want to slash his tires, but when Robin says it... When Robin says it. "It feels nice."
Nancy is a lot of things. She's stubborn, she's courageous, she's dogged. If there's a scoop she'll chase it no matter who stands in her way, or if her friends need a plan she can create it with a number of failsafes. However her Achilles will forever be spontaneity. Her plan can be rendered useless if a single step is out of place or thrown off by something unseen. When the director cuts her plan in half she starts reeling.
Her saving grace comes in the form of seething words on Robin's tongue, "Don't apologize, Ruth. Screw that." Nancy's first instinct is to fight back to recover whatever ground she had by her own merit. It has the opposite effect spurring Robin further into a completely made up story appealing to his ego and tearing him apart in the way only Robin can.
She watches in awe seeing Robin speak so passionately she can almost believe that Director Hatch, a man she never knew existed until a few hours ago, was her childhood hero. It's even more impressive seeing the man himself flash through hundreds of emotions. Pure indignation to humble pride written on a stoney face and shiny eyes. He's falling for it. A total lie conjured up by a brilliant mind mere moments before they're said.
It's captivating. All the persistent nagging thoughts that still find Robin annoying start to evaporate leaving not shame but adoration. She felt it when listening to Robin in the library as she explained the conspiracy newspaper with the context of their own experiences. Even though her brain processed every syllable her heart stalled at the idea that there was someone in the world who didn't need her to fight back. Who kept up with her and blasted through the brick wall that always appeared.
Robin is smart in every way that Nancy isn't. Her mind could run laps around people like the director and Nancy herself, but in the same breath she also has a hard time remembering important dates or historical figures. It's her greatest curse to be so gifted emotionally that she doesn't realize the impact of her own words.
Like a gorgon who isolates herself to not hurt others but instead of meeting the blade of Perseus she found a blind man who warmed her heart and showed her there are others like her. Nancy might still be ambivalent to Steve's presence and confused about his forceful re-entrance into her life, but she will be forever grateful that he brought them Robin. Robin, who looks the director in his eyes, flares her snakes, and turns him to stone as he lets them into the facility.
Somewhere in this vast world Robin's soulmate sits unaware that he's the luckiest man alive.
So much can happen in a few short days. Twenty-four hours can feel like nothing when a person is having fun, but fighting for her life makes each second tick through an entire lifetime. Another person dies at Vecna's hands, they get dragged into the Upside Down defenseless, she learns who Vecna truly is, Steve tries to win her back, new unknown yet familiar feelings emerge, Jonathan is still unreachable, and they're effectively on their own.
Max hasn't left her side all day. It seems like a creature comfort to find someone she sees as untouchably brave and latch on so she too can be that brave. She indulges Max and lets her talk. Sometimes she talks about Billy, others Lucas, and usually a comfortable silence leaving the heaviest topics unsaid. Although she would be lying if she said that watching Max light up at making a homemade explosive wasn't funny.
Since she's somehow the only reasonable adult in the group, despite Eddie being the oldest, she makes sure the kids don't see him making a shoddy explosive of an M80 with two WD-40 cans strapped to it. As a consolation she lets Max help her in her own crime. She's sawing off the barrel of her shotgun when Max asks, "Who's your soulmate?"
"I don't know," Nancy says too quickly. Too truthfully. Like a sneeze that she didn't know she needed until it made itself known. Max sits back, eyebrows raised, she doesn't blame her for being surprised Nancy's on the same boat too. In a move far too mature for a fourteen year old Max stays quiet letting Nancy sit with her thoughts.
She knows Jonathan isn't him, the silence and the distance started long before this spring, and Steve is trying too hard to be someone he's not. Nancy saw the words over both of their hearts. Jonathan, Gentle, Compassionate, Outgoing. Steve, Awkward, Athletic, Lionhearted.
When Nancy fell in love with Steve she was in wonder of his charisma and a gentle heart few saw. No matter how hard he tries she can never love him again. They're too different now being with him will only remind her of what she lost. He's chasing a girl who died when she got trapped in the Upside Down trying so desperately to find her best friend. Hopefully soon he can stop chasing that illusion. It will be better for them in the long run.
Her relationship with Jonathan hasn't healed. They have to keep their phone calls short before an argument inevitably slams the phone into the receiver. If he is her soulmate then it could never be realized until they're decades old and decades apart. That kind of torture seems fitting for the life she's lead. Some cosmic, fuck you, and it probably wouldn't be the worst realization this week. Nancy looks into Max's scared blue eyes, smiles, asking, "How about you? Is Lucas Mr. Right?"
"I really hope so. Considering I only have two words right now it would suck if he wasn't." Max sucks some air in between her teeth grimacing for extra effect. They look over to Erica and Lucas, currently arguing over their spears, almost like his name was said he looks up at Max and smiles at her like a dork. Nancy brushes her shoulder against Max's, "I think he would be thrilled to be your soulmate. Plus, wouldn't it be more romantic? Getting your third word because of him?"
Max sends a timid wave to him which causes him to bounce in his seat giving her a larger wave looking so happy to have made her smile. She hears Max laugh before she hides it in her sleeve. Turning to Nancy she doesn't see the fear anymore, but a bubbly happiness that used to be there long before Billy died. Nancy wraps her arm around Max's shoulder when she hears, "I hope you find them. You're too sweet to be alone."
Kind. The word buzzes over her heart. She doesn't know how to take in what Max said. It's been so long since that word appeared that she doesn't feel like it belongs to her anymore. She's changed so much and the idea that she can be capable of kindness anymore feels like a fantasy. Henry Creel himself, when he violated her mind, showed her how broken she is now.
She isn't lovable anymore. Who would want to strap themselves to someone who can't sleep without a weapon under their pillow? Who could love a woman who corrupts everything she touches? Who in their right mind would put themselves through the stress of loving her? She's killed everybody she loves, she's cold, and she could never be whole again. Is she so horrible to trap her soulmate in a relationship with her? Maybe.
Henry was right. She'll kill her soulmate long before they can love her.
Nancy remembers vividly the day Blue Öyster Cult's Revolution By Night came out. She cleared her schedule to spend the day with Jonathan happy to share a part of her that people never see with him. It went terribly. He criticized everything from chord progression to the lyrics. For years afterwards she felt like the woman in Shooting Shark, too heavy to love, and for some ungodly reason it plays in her head as her world ends.
They were prepared. She had everything planned. Nobody strayed from the plan, but she couldn't plan for everything. The house shook and she grabbed onto Steve hoping his solid mass could keep them stable. A hand lands on her shoulder from Robin grabbing her. A whimper escaped Robin's lips as dust fell and Nancy wanted nothing more than to comfort her.
When the vine wrapped around Robin's leg she felt her heart stop, and when she cried out Nancy's name it started again pounding in pain. She didn't have to think. What she needed to do was save. Nancy couldn't let Robin be hurt like everybody else. She's too special to be another name on a stone. Another name that Nancy is responsible for. Seeing her clear blue eyes so scared hurts like the vines themselves are tearing apart her own body.
Getting ripped from Robin's side was terrifying. She was trapped on the wall being choked to death, but as the air drew in smaller and smaller and dark splotches clouded her vision all she cared about was saving Robin. Everything in her screamed to get to Robin's side and tear the vines off with her bare hands. Nancy could die here for all she cares, but if it meant that Robin would live then it would be worth it. Robin is worth so much more than this shit hole, and as their eyes connect she can feel Robin thinking the same.
That one look flips her entire world on it's head, but at the same time it's never felt more right. She wants to tell Robin about Barb, she wants to show her Revolution By Night, she wants to take her to Boston. They've only known each other for the equivalent of a week, but she's never felt this strongly about another person. As her mind grows hazy she gives Robin a silent, I'm sorry.
The moment she's dropped onto the floor she feels two sets of hands on her helping her up. Once she's on her two feet she dives into Robin's arms happy to know that she hasn't lost her yet. Feeling her holding back just as tight is like coming home. Even in this total hellscape here in Robin's arms nothing can hurt her. She hopes Robin does too.
They live. All of them. Somehow they escape the Upside Down without losing another person to the slaughter. Eddie, for the first time in his life, followed orders and tucked tail the second things got bad making sure Dustin was safe. Thanks to Erica's quick thinking and Lucas' hand to hand combat skills they managed to keep Max on this side of the lord. While Henry licks his wounds the late night is spent cleaning their own.
They're sitting on the lip of one of the Harrington guest bathrooms distracting each other from the stinging wounds. Nancy has her fair share of cuts from the violent drag across the splintered floorboards. Robin has a few nicks on her arm from Steve's ax that got too close for comfort. Mostly it's just dark bruises painting their bodies in mottled purples and painful black.
"I like this one," Robin hums, "It sounds like the guitar is laughing." They scavenged out a tape player from Steve's room and the tinny speakers blast an old mixtape. Dustin made it a long time ago, he denies it to this day, when he still had an adorably hopeless crush on her. He used a lot of her tapes to make it. Automatic Go-Go's, Don't Talk to me About Love Altered Images, Shaking Through R.E.M. More importantly. The opening song to Revolution by Night, Take Me Away.
This is probably the most quiet Robin has ever been as she takes in the music. Nancy remembers the words Jonathan used to describe this song, boring and unoriginal. He thought it was ridiculous that a serious band like Blue Öyster Cult would make a song about aliens. Like they weren't a band of pure experimentation, like they didn't have a fictional dinosaur on one of their album covers, like they don't have a rock infused dirge about a fictional vampire.
Then she remembers Robin in the library unashamed in her belief in aliens. You never know. She really doesn't know Robin, but if her life could be filled with moments like that it wouldn't be a bad one. Nancy could listen to her talk about aliens for hours and never be bored. For now she settles for listening to Robin hum in harmony along the edge of the chorus. Her singing voice must be beautiful.
Once their finished with Robin's wounds they switch to Nancy. They're both girls, so she doesn't think twice about stripping off her mud soaked, dust covered, shirt. She makes a mental note to burn it later in the morning. Nancy misses the bright red blush painting Robin's features. Unsurprisingly Nancy doesn't miss the groan curling from her lips, "Come on! Of course you get cool words!"
"They're not that cool," Nancy replies shyly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She looks down at the words that have been with her for years, her oldest companion, and smiles at their mystique. It's been a long time since she looked at the scraggly handwriting with a longing fondness. Robin scoffs, "Please, Nance. They're like totally screaming, 'I'm an uber badass!'"
"Last time I checked badasses aren't kind," Nancy wits dryly. Robin runs a towel under the water pressing the freezing cloth to her face. She leans in close, her warm breath tickling Nancy's nose, a smile graces her parted lips. A flutter settles in her stomach. Her voice is calm, "And that's what makes you an uber badass. Let me guess. You were born with all three weren't you?"
"No, Robin, I wasn't 'born with all three,' but I did get my first word when I was a few months old," Nancy smiles in spite of the sharp sting from a large gash on her cheek. She feels the grime brush away with every stroke. Robin's hands hold her like she's a golden bust being polished, cleared of centuries old patina. The smile on her face paints her voice, "Lucky! I didn't get my last two until I was fifteen!"
"Whoever he is will be lucky to have you," Nancy says with enough certainty hoping that alone will quell the self-deprecatory thoughts rising in Robin's mind. She likes seeing Robin confident. It feels like an offense to god whenever she talks about herself like she's a nuisance at best. The moment she saw the raw confidence radiating from her as she locked horns with the director she knew there was no going back. Tucking her head down shyly facing away from Nancy, her voice is soft, "I hope so."
"Sounds like you have somebody in mind?" She doesn't expect the sadness in the question. It feels like disappointment on her tongue. Sure it would suck not spending as much time with Robin, but she would be happy. If that happiness is without her then she will somehow live and understand. Robin applies a few butterfly bandages to the large gash, tapping her face to signal that she's done, "There was this... boy."
"He um- he was the smartest guy I've ever met," Robin sigh dreamily, "He had everything; popularity, brains, looks. I was a goner. We had the same English teacher, Mr. Calloway, it didn't matter what book we had that week- it was like he'd already read it a thousand times. I- um- I remember he gave me an annotated copy of Catcher in The Rye. It was so cute. Every time there was 'profanity' he would black it out with sharpie."
Robin gathers some salve for Nancy's wounds, continuing, "But the notes, it was like he was there with Holden. Sympathizing with his struggle even placing himself in his shoes. I felt like I had a look into his soul, and I wanted to love him in the way he did for- an- another girl. Even now when I'm with him I feel like I'm no more than Robert Ackley. An insignificant side character that Holden felt pity for."
"I wish I could be more," Robin whispers, "But all I do is clam up and get in the way. He could never want me the way I want him." I want you, Nancy's mind screams out. If only Robin could see what she sees. Because there is nobody in this world that deserves the words over her own heart more than Robin. All she can do is suck in the air through her teeth as the cold balm is applied to her skin, reassuring, "Whoever he is. He's the biggest idiot in the world."
Robin looks at her with something behind her big blue eyes, a humorless laugh pushes past her lips, "I don't think that's possible."
A few days later when her mom decides to donate half of the attic and some of her old wardrobe she's roped into it, so she's digging through her old schoolwork in the closet. She finds a heavily annotated copy of the Catcher in The Rye . Black sharpie marks cross out various words. On the back cover written in hasty, scratchy, handwriting is a single word, Thanks.
"Despina Montagas could snap me like a pencil and I'd thank her." Robin sighs dreamily seeing a woman in a blue form fitting suit flex while standing on top of another lady. It's Sunday night and she's once again on baby-sitting duty. They're at Steve's house watching some special wrestling show. Eddie gave her the long rundown of what Wrestlerock is and how Greg Gagne is the worst wrestler to ever exist. All of which tumbled into a long rant about Vince Macmahon is the closest thing we have to the antichrist, not the fun one.
It was interesting to listen to, but he quickly became distracted by large shirtless men running across the screen. He's currently protesting against the television calling for a review as a woman with half her head shaved riots outside the ring. A Battle Royale they called it. Robin briefly described it before she too got very distracted by women throwing each other over the ropes.
Apparently Steve has a long standing one-sided rivalry with the announcer so he usually watches the matches while the radio blasts instead. He offered Nancy the chance to play her own music as a sign of goodwill despite, or in spite of, knowing she'll have a thousand questions. For that she brought a range of albums to shove in Eddie's face. Autumnal Park by Pseudo Echo, Up to You by Blue Peter, Stoneage Romeo by Hoodoo Gurus.
She puffed her chest in pride when he gave her a thumbs up halfway through Fables of the Reconstruction.
Now as they're watching women in what can generously be called bathing suits throw each other over the rope she can see the appeal. Robin says wrestling is like dancing, Lucas says it's closer to Dungeons and Dragons, but as she watches them perform she's reminded of a magic show. In many ways the tricks are the same as wrestling moves. Slight of hand or illusions it all depends on if the audience believes.
"Now imagine a Luna Vachon and Despina sandwich with you in the middle." Steve grunts from the lack of oxygen on the floor. He and Lucas have been trying sleeper holds on each other. From his beet red face she's about to intervene so he won't pass out. Eddie cheers as some girl named Debbie gets trapped on the ropes. Robin groans, unable to take her eyes off of Despina as she slams a woman to the mat, "Eww, dude, you're so gross."
"You didn't say no!" Steve trails out the last word with a sing song lilt. He's losing consciousness. She taps Lucas' arm so he can let go. The moment Steve's free he scoops Lucas into a suplex throwing him onto the couch right next to Nancy. As he throws his hands up in victory she catches his eyes and levels a death glare. It doesn't last because in the next moment Robin and Eddie start yelling. Nancy looks to the television to find Despina, in all her glory, getting flipped over the ropes.
"You bitch! Candi Devine! You don't deserve the championship!" Eddie starts, pointing at the screen, Robin finishes, "Sherri's going to kick your ass so hard!" They turn to each other. Eddie grips her flannel and she holds onto his denim vest screaming in pure frustration. It's cute to see them bonding, they level each other out, but she just likes seeing Eddie making friends. Lucas pipes up staring slack jawed at the screen, "Hey, uh, guys?"
Everyone, including a dazed Steve, turn to the television. Candi charges towards a woman layed up against the corner. At the last second the woman drops down with the top rope in hand. They watch Candi soar over the rope and onto the floor. Robin whispers a quiet, holy shit, before they celebrate very, very loudly. Even Nancy gets caught up into the commotion cheering with them so freely.
Eddie sweeps Robin into a hug twirling themselves in a sloppy dance as the outro of, Dancing Until Midnight, Nancy's favorite track bellows into the air. She watches them so engrossed in their small moment of joy. As the show rages on Nancy can't take her eyes off of Robin laughing freely. Her hair fans out wildly, her light blue eyes so clear, she's in the presence of a goddess on earth. Planets collide and stars burn out in the very same moment that Nancy finds herself falling for a girl.
Later that night after Eddie tired himself out she watches Robin and Lucas clean up while Steve preps his guest rooms. There's something ethereal about Robin. The way she almost floats above it all while her feet remain firmly on the ground. She can tear someone down to size the same way she breaks open the people she loves so she can understand and love them more. Her movements and speech is so erratic yet she's the most calming presence in Nancy's life.
Almost as if she were signaled by Nancy's thoughts, Robin looks up, finding her eyes easily and she's given a large broken smile. That strange buzz returns to her chest she feels something grow in place of the bone chilling cold. Robin makes her want to do stupid things just so she can hear her voice some more or see that smile. A cold hand grabs her shoulder, "Oh shit, sorry Nance," Steve apologizes for scaring her, "I need some help with the sheets."
"Of course!" Nancy internally cringes at the faux optimism in her voice. Could she make it more obvious that she knows she's caught? Steve's face twists with confusion, looking like a curious puppy, his eyes dart towards Robin before his big brown eyes light up with something behind it, his voice is more of a whisper, "We need to talk."
A paralyzing fear washes over her body. She feels her feet lay flat on the ground in self preservation ready to flee the moment danger arises. Nancy knows these feelings are unnatural, shameful, but it might break her to know that Steve has the power to so much more than ostracization. Both fight or flight fail her when he reaches out grabbing her bicep. The grip is gentle and his thumb rubs the muscle beneath in soothing circles, "It's okay, I'm not angry."
Nancy follows him into a bland guest room. On the bare bed is a fitted sheet crumpled in the middle. Despite her nerves she smiles to herself. Even at twenty Steve still needs a small army to dress a bed. He watches in total wonder as she shows him how to do it by himself without the thing fighting back. They're in the middle of tucking in the first sheet when he says, "You're into Robin."
The same fear rushing through her veins runs colder. She tries to catch his eyes to garner any information. Looking for anything so she can rush downstairs and leave with Robin in tow. His body language gives her nothing, so she digs her heels down ready to go down with a fight. Keeping her tone hard she defends herself, "And what of it?"
"I think you should go for it." Steve spreads the comforter. It takes Nancy a minute to recover from the emotional sledgehammer to the face. This is Steve Harrington. The guy who pushed around nerds called them slurs. He isn't nice to people like her let alone endorses this kind of behavior. She gapes at him in total disbelief, "Steve, it is nineteen eighty-six. Do you know who our president is?"
"Robert Orr? You know I don't know politics Nance," Steve whines genuinely confused about their president, "But I know Robin and you should too. Because it's a big mistake to think you know how she'll react. Go for it. She just might surprise you. Now fold that corner or I'll snap your shotgun like a toothpick." He points to the foot of the bed where she haphazardly shoved the sheets under.
"When did you get so smart?" Nancy asks, looking him in the eyes. If she met this Steve at fourteen maybe things could have been different. Getting people who loved him for him and rectifying his mistakes by learning from them. She can almost fall in love now. Almost . Maybe not everything changed for the worse since their lives were uprooted barely four years ago. He smiles, "A couple'a knocks to the head will do it to you. And- I guess I finally accepted that I can never be the man who will love you the way you deserve."
Later in the morning as Robin climbs into the deathtrap that is Eddie's van she catches her hand reaching for the door. Robin smiles with an easy, Can't keep your hands off me Wheeler? It sparks a furious blush over her face. God, this woman will be the death of her. If she's going to shoot her shot she might as well do it while she still has the confidence, "It was me. Wasn't it?"
In a flash she watches Robin raise her walls and slam the doors shut. Her back stiffens, her breath stalls, her eyes can't keep ahold of Nancy's. She fidgets with her entire body looking like an addict in the midst of a relapse. Like the cat that ate the canary she's caught, but Nancy needs a confession. For both of their sakes. A shaky, "What?"
"We had Mr. Calloway's ninth grade English. I gave you my copy of the Catcher in The Rye . You had a crush on me. Right?" Each word Nancy says it feels like a ton of bricks are simultaneously lifted off of and dropped onto her chest. Watching Robin's demeanor change as she draws it together doesn't help. She should never be ashamed of herself, not for this. Meekly nodding Robin quietly asks, "Why?"
"So I can know if it's okay to do this," Nancy stands up on the edge of her feet, a hand on top of Robin's shoulder for balance, she gives her enough room to pull away. Robin's eyes are full of hope locking with hers; it has Nancy's heart swooping. Leaning down Robin closes the gap. It's the most magical feeling that's ever consumed her.
Robin holds her like she's the greatest treasure ever granted to her. Like Nancy is her wildest dream come true, and her kiss is the air gifted to a drowning man. Except there is a greater miracle. The electric touch of Robin's lips could create and fell kingdoms in one swift movement where two becomes one. There's nothing more intoxicating than the woman in her arms.
A seering sensation blazes across her chest, it's unknown, but it feels like the fairytale she grew up loving. There has never been a cold like this in her life. It's not cold, yet she doesn't feel the absence. Intense, bright, and unifying. For a brief moment the world ceases to exist. She'd gladly trade the entire universe if it meant she would get to kiss Robin again. Faintly she hears Eddie celebrating as he hits the busted headrest, Lucas cheers her on, and somewhere Steve is whistling.
To her disappointment this moment can't last forever and the world has to start spinning again. The second she pulls away Robin is yanked away in a tight bear hug from behind. He jumps up and down genuinely happy for his best friend. She can't hear everything he's saying, but the laugh bubbling from Robin's lips fills in the space between Cassanova and ex-girlfriend stealer. Nancy feels a ring laden hand rest on her shoulder, looking over Eddie smiles at her, "Welcome to the club, Wheeler."
A few days later Henry makes a pretty inconvenient return with some more property damage and another good hit to taxpayer money. If he wasn't currently trying to kill her it would be pretty respectable. Ever since Eleven came back to Hawkins he's been targeting her either as some sadistic full circle or he's playing with his food. One way or another they're going to put an end to him once and for all.
The night before they head into the open jaws of death they decide to break into the crumbling Hawk Roller-Rink on the edge of town. Henry wants them scared and they're not going to let him have it. Because if they don't see the end of tomorrow they might as well go out with a party. Packed into her station wagon and Steve's BMW they follow the destruction out to the old township.
Grown out homes, abandoned businesses, and forgotten churches cut out and fight against the forest. Half of the reason why none of it has been torn down is because most of the land is unincorporated. Passing by the old plywood casino they turn off the county road into the large parking lot outside of the rollerplex.
"Dude, this place is so old my parents went here for their first date." Steve comments dryly as he exits the back of the car with a flashlight and a toolbox full of tools he doesn't know the name of. Nancy's surprised she can hear him over the cacophony of rowdy teenagers. She takes Robin's hand wandering up to the boarded up doors. Eddie brushes his shoulder against her's, "Pretty sure mine banged in the bathroom."
"And your mom gave birth there too, huh?" Robin asks, watching him fight with a large board. He pops it off just as soon as Dustin and Steve arrive knocking them both on the head. The rest of the kids start piling in through the broken windows. Eddie has a cheeky smile on his face, "Nah, she popped me out in the back of a squad car."
"That's not the brag you think it is, Ed," Steve says, rubbing his forehead. He clears away some broken glass gesturing inside, ladies first, staring directly at Eddie who passes by him with a kiss on the cheek. Nancy can't tell if his face is red from anger or something more. Robin drops a sloppy kiss on his other cheek laughing when he pushes her through.
The roller rink still has power which can't be said for most of Hawkins proper. Despite being abandoned it doesn't look any different from the place she knew growing up. Pinball machines line the outer walls, a concession stand on the far side of the entrance, a row of private rooms overlooking the large wooden rink. She finds the kids sitting at the embedded skatewall tables trying on shoes.
They're doing their best trying to knock over each other while staying upright. Eddie's found himself in the box and is openly complaining his little heart out about the only selection being ABBA and country. He handles a Tanya Tucker album like it was radioactive and loads it onto the turntable. The lively country tune of Lover Goodbye bounces off the walls.
Nancy watches the kids skate around the rink. Lucas clings onto Max for dear life terrified about falling over, Mike is bumbling on skates too big with limbs too long while Will keeps him from falling on his face, Dustin is currently demanding Steve to push him every time he loses momentum ultimately leading to them falling on their face.
"Well, what do you say, partner? May I have this dance?" Robin asks with a smile in her voice. Looking over her shoulder she finds Robin holding up a pair of skates looking incredibly nervous. God this woman. She'd gladly jump off a cliff if Robin asked nicely. Nancy mirrors her smile with her arms crossed, she teases, "What so you can have your hands all over me?"
"Well, now that you mention it," Robin rasps, "I thought you'd enjoy watching me wipeout. Bambi doesn't have shit on me, Nance." The self conscious lilt in her voice is masked by a gleam of self determination in her eyes. She smiles already seeing her splayed out on the wood like a starfish. It's cute seeing the same bravery when facing down Henry Creel used for skating. Nancy looks up, kissing her cheek, "Of course."
With some gentle coaxing and a death grip on her arms she pulls Robin out onto the rink. Her feet almost immediately split in two directions. If Nancy wasn't holding her back she would have lost a few teeth after slamming her head onto the wall. She settles into a turtle position; knees bent, shoulders in, and hunched over. Swaying to the music Nancy tugs her along.
As they circle a few times Robin starts to loosen her stance finding her equilibrium and actually uses her skates and not just coasting. She keeps pace next to Nancy her chest puffing with pride when she doesn't need the wall to turn. Eddie grows bored of his selection and throws on another country album. He also decides it's a good idea to hop the wall with skates on. The moment his feet land with a thud he's on his ass gripping the back of his head completely dazed.
"Hey, um- Nance. I- uh- shit. I did have an ulterior motive." Robin stutters swiftly losing her confidence. Nancy gently guides her to the middle away from the noisy kids to give them a semblance of privacy. The fragments of light bouncing off the disco ball highlight her defined features. Rubbing the back of her neck she continues, "I wanted to ask you something."
Nancy hums unsure where this moment is going. She gives her all the time she needs working through her own anxiety. Quiet rambling words of encouragement are drowned out by Johnny Lee's Looking for Love . When she hits the right track she takes a deep breath subsequently losing it when she looks Nancy in the eyes. Trying again her hands dance wildly in the air before they hesitantly take Nancy's.
"Look, I'm not going to sugar coat this. I know not all of us are going to survive tomorrow, and- and if that- if that means me then- then I want to know I'm, you know, not alone." A few trace tears fall down her face, Nancy catches them with her thumb, she can't deny it. They got lucky last time, but she would be lying if she said the thought of losing Robin didn't scare her.
Gaining the confidence again she tries a little louder, "Nancy Wheeler. I've been ass over tea kettle for you pretty much the moment you handed me a pencil in eighth grade. Every time I saw you I wondered what it was like to fall in love. The way you challenged teachers, shooting at a car speeding towards you, and putting up with me. Nance, you might not be perfect but you're perfect for me. Certified valedictorian, total Amazonian warrior, and the sweetest person ever with a heart of gold."
Robin closes her eyes bracing for impact, "Will you be my girlfriend?"
Nancy looks up at this beautiful mess of a girl who stole her heart, and melts. She's found someone willing to die for her, someone who Nancy herself would kill for, someone who she wants more than anything in the world to be her soulmate. Her mind calls out a desperate answer, but her tongue sits too heavy in her mouth. When words fail her she has always turned to action.
As the chorus swells and a bright buzz seizes her heart. Warmth. Nancy reaches up wrapping her hands around Robin's neck bringing her down. Tilting her head up she greets Robin with a kiss. Her entire world lights up the electricity courses through her veins. Kingdoms fall, worlds collide, stars implode; new life begins, planets form, universes grow. Pulling back for breath Nancy gives her answer. Robin's hands are warm.