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Ghost stared at the mirror.
His reflection stared back.
He hates it. Hates himself. His features are too soft, too feminine, and he hates it.
He shouldn’t look like this, he knows he shouldn’t, has know it for as long as he can remember, yet he still does. He still does, even though he’s been on hormones for years, even though his chest is flat - two symmetrical raised scars showing what he had to do to get it that way - even through all that, he still manages to look feminine.
Ghost keeps staring, eyes searching out every one of his flaws. He could stand here all day and never run out of things to criticise about himself. Never good enough, never looking right, never going to be a real man. He may have his height on his side - and god was he grateful for that - and he may have his muscles and broad build, but even those couldn’t hide the curve of his hips, or the softness of his jaw, or the slimness of his waist.
Even his fucking eyes looked feminine. Hell, he wouldn’t be surprised if everyone had already figured him out and they were just too scared of him to bring it up. They probably talked about it behind his back. Probably watched him walk past and whispered to each other. He could imagine it, imagine them saying the things they’d never say to his face. Did you hear that The Ghost is a fucking tranny? Disgusting, isn’t it? Don’t know how he’s allowed in here.
Ghost had never told anyone he didn’t have to for that exact reason. As soon as he passed as a man, as soon as his documents were changed and the legal shit was done with, as far as anyone else knew, he was born a man. He liked it that way. Price knew, of course. He had to, otherwise Ghost wouldn’t have bothered telling him either. More people knowing meant a higher chance of it getting out, of everyone knowing, and that wasn’t something he was going to let happen. He’d fought hard for everything he had, and he wasn’t going to lose it because of something as stupid as him being transgender.
Ghost let his eyes linger on his body for a moment more before pulling them away. He could stand here all day, had done many times before, but he had things to do. It wouldn’t do to dwell on how disgustingly feminine his body was when he had work to do, would it?
Maybe if he kept himself busy he’d forget about it. Ghost knew from experience that that wouldn’t happen, he’d never be able to forget about it, especially not while he’s surrounded by normal men all day, but he couldn’t help but hope that he could spend a little while untroubled by the sense of wrongness that haunted his every moment. It was pointless, he knew, but he did it anyway; he couldn’t bring himself to stop.
Ghost avoided looking at himself while showering and getting dressed. It made him feel slightly better. If he couldn’t see his body, he could pretend that it wasn’t wrong. The clothes helped too, the layers of them managing to hide the shape of his body enough that it almost looked entirely normal. Almost.
The mask though, the mask was his saving grace. It was tight enough to stay put while still obscuring his features enough that the softness of them could simply be dismissed as how the mask lay. Wearing it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary either; many people on base chose to cover their face one way or another. Ghost was sure that without the mask, he would’ve been clocked years ago.
He pulled the mask over his head, grateful for the softness of it, and made to leave his room.
He didn’t even manage to get the door open before all his insecurities came rushing right back. The thought of going out there and seeing all the normal men made him sick to his stomach. The effortless masculinity they exuded, the way they didn’t even need to think about whether their actions were masculine enough or not, made him want to die.
Ghost rested his head on the door, still grasping the handle, as he tried to get his thoughts in control. If he didn’t leave soon he’d probably miss breakfast, and then someone would likely come to check up on him, and this was something he really didn’t want to have to explain.
He’d never talked about his dysphoria with anyone, which wasn’t surprising, since he’d only told a handful of people about being trans anyway, but even if he did want to, he didn’t think anyone would get it. It seemed like one of those things that you couldn’t truly understand unless you’ve experienced it yourself, and since he’d never known, or wanted to come out to, anyone openly trans, he’d kept quiet.
Sometimes though, Ghost found himself wishing he had someone close to him that knew, even if they weren’t trans themselves, just so he could talk about it freely. The thought gets dismissed almost instantly every time. It wouldn’t be safe to tell anyone. He didn’t know the views of anyone on base about trans people and he had no civilian friends to talk to about it. There were people on base who were openly gay or bi and whatever else but that didn’t mean a damn thing when it came to accepting trans people. He knew this fact well. The few times he’d tried to hook up with anyone, all men interested in other men, they visibly recoiled and immediately lost interest the moment he told them he was trans. He was sure the only reason he hadn’t been beaten up by any of them for ‘tricking them’ was because of his size. He knew other trans people had been killed for less.
Ghost thumped his head lightly against the door and let go of the handle. It looked like he’d be skipping breakfast. Hopefully everyone would take the hint and leave him alone.
—
Soap was starting to get worried about Ghost. He’d been sitting in the mess hall since they started serving food, knowing that Ghost usually likes to come down earlier to escape the crowds, but Ghost hadn’t showed. Ghost always shows for breakfast. Well, he has ever since him and Soap started their little routine of eating it together. So Soap didn’t understand why he wasn’t here this morning.
Maybe he overslept? No, that’s stupid, Ghost never oversleeps. But he also never misses breakfast with Soap. What if he actually did show up and just avoided Soap? Soap didn’t understand why he’d do that either though. Ghost had never given him any indication that he didn’t want to be around him. Soap knew he could be annoying, but he also knew that if Ghost was annoyed he’d probably just tell him to shut up or something, he wouldn’t go to all that effort just to avoid him.
Soap checked his watch. With 10 minutes left until breakfast was finished, he doubted Ghost would be coming down. Making a somewhat impulsive decision, he went to grab a plate of food. It was technically against the rules to bring food up to anyone’s room, but Soap needed to know what made Ghost unable to eat with him. He figured if he glared hard enough at everyone, they’d ignore what he was doing. He was pretty well-liked anyway, he doubted anyone would snitch on him.
—
Ghost had moved to lie back on his bed. No point in standing by the door if he couldn’t even make himself open it. He was aimlessly staring at the ceiling, trying fruitlessly to think of something other than everything wrong about him, when he heard a knock at the door.
Someone hadn’t taken the hint then. Great.
The knock came again, more insistent this time, and Ghost wanted nothing more than for them to leave.
“If ye don’t open the door in the next 30 seconds I’m kickin’ it down, so ye better make yerself decent!”
Of course it was Soap. Ghost was stupid to think he could miss their daily breakfast together with no consequences. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to be too annoyed about it, now he knew who it was. Soap was probably just making sure he was ok. If it was anyone else he would’ve ignored them, maybe yelled at them if he was in a particularly bad mood, but it wasn’t anyone else, it was Soap.
The knocking started up again, so he stood up and went to open the door before Soap actually did kick it down. Ghost didn’t doubt that he would if it came to it, and he much preferred his door attached.
When he did finally get the door open, Ghost was greeted with the image of Soap stumbling and nearly punching him in the chest, having to regain his balance after the door he’d been knocking on so ferociously was moved out of his way.
“Alright there, Johnny?” Ghost asked, raising an eyebrow at the scene before him.
“Me? Yep, totally fine. How ‘bout you though, Lt? Noticed ye skipped breakfast this mornin’, everythin’ ok?”
Shit. He was so busy hoping no one would come to check on him that he didn’t think to come up with a good excuse to use if someone actually did. Telling the truth was out straight away. No matter how much he trusted Soap, he couldn’t be sure of his opinions. Even though Soap was one of the few openly gay men on base and often ranted about how everyone should have equal rights, Ghost couldn’t be sure that ‘everyone’ included trans people.
Telling Soap he overslept was a slightly better option, but probably not very believable. Ghost couldn’t remember the last time he’d overslept. Something closer to the truth would probably be better. After all, the key to telling a good lie was to mix in as much truth as possible.
Ghost shifted slightly before replying, “I’m fine, just don’t wanna be around that many people right now. Sorry.”
Soap’s expression relaxed, the majority of the worry melting off his face. “S’ok, as long as yer alright. Brought ye a plate up anyway, ‘case ye were hungry.” He offered out the previously unseen plate of food to Ghost.
Ghost blinked, shocked expression hidden by the mask. “You brought me food?”
“That’s what I said. Ye want it or not? ‘Cause it’s gonna go cold if I’m just standin’ here with it.”
Ghost felt himself smile against his will. “Yeah, thanks. You can, uh, come in, you know, if you want.”
Soap’s smile was almost blinding. “That’d be great, if ye don’t mind. I’ve got so much tae tell ye about. Remember yesterday I told ye I was gonna be training the recruits? Well, there was one of ‘em that…”
Ghost shut the door and tried to tamp down his smile. Being with Soap truly did wonders for his mood. He was always able to cheer him up, even though he often didn’t have any idea what was wrong. Ghost was grateful for it, for him. He could do with a bit more happiness in his life.
—
Soap had left a few hours ago, maybe, claiming he wanted to go to the gym. He did extend an offer to Ghost, but he refused. Ghost didn’t think he could handle seeing everyone else working out right now. Many men on base chose to go shirtless at the gym, and while this wasn’t normally much of a problem for Ghost, today was not a normal day.
So now he was lying on his bed, alone, wallowing in self pity. Again.
Soap had distracted him from his thoughts for a bit, and Ghost appreciated that, he really did, but now Soap was gone, and everything came crashing back full force.
He couldn’t help but wish that Soap hadn’t left. It was selfish, yes, but Ghost liked being around Soap. Soap was bright and happy and everything Ghost wasn’t, and he couldn’t get enough of it.
At first, he’d thought his feelings towards Soap were envy, something he’d felt many, many times before. He’d thought that he felt the need to stare and catalogue everything about him because he was jealous, because he wanted to be more like him. In some ways, that was true. He wanted to be able to laugh and smile as freely as Soap did, wanted to have reasons to be happy like he did, and of course, some part of him would always want to have his body, to be able to wear tight shirts and have them look right, to never have to worry about looking too feminine.
But as time went on, he discovered that the main feelings weren’t envy or jealousy, they were attraction. Ghost was attracted to Soap.
He’d realised too late to cut it off in the early stages, so now he was stuck with a horribly embarrassing crush on the younger man.
Ghost buried his head in his pillow and debated whether screaming into it would make him feel better or not. God, he felt like a teenage girl getting worked up over liking a boy.
He needed to let it go. He couldn’t stop the feelings from developing, but he could certainly stop them from getting any worse. He didn’t know what he’d do if attraction turned into something like love. He dreaded the very thought of it. Attraction was easy enough to ignore, as long as he focused on keeping his eyes and thoughts from wandering. Love, however, was an entirely different thing.
But it was fine. Ghost needed to stop thinking about it because it was absolutely, undeniably, going to be fine.
He was going to get over it, needed to get over it, actually, preferably as soon as possible. It was wholly inappropriate, to start off with. Even if the 141 weren’t as strict about fraternisation as the laws suggested they should be, Soap was still his sergeant, and therefore lower than Ghost on the chain of command. Any feelings he had towards the man could potentially interfere with missions and the choices he made in the field, which was not something he could let happen.
Another, albeit more selfish, reason was that he didn’t want to have these feelings and end up getting his heart broken if Soap found out.
Ghost didn’t doubt that Soap liked him platonically, and perhaps a little more than that, if he was reading it right, but he knew that once Soap saw what he truly was, he’d be disgusted, just like the rest of them. Soap was gay. All of the gay men he’d tried to have something with, whether it be a relationship or just a hook up, had changed their minds once they knew. A couple of bi guys had given him a chance, said that they liked both so it didn’t matter - which honestly made him more than a little uncomfortable - but even they didn’t make it more than a week or two. They’d said he was too difficult to deal with, that his self-hatred and his insistence on them not using any feminine terms to describe him was exhausting. He was too closed off, too scarred, too draining to be around. So even if Soap did manage to look past his transness, Ghost knew it could never happen.
It was a depressing thought, but getting his hopes up only to have them crushed by one of the very few people he trusted was indefinitely worse.
—
Soap had spent a while in the gym. It helped to clear his mind and make his thoughts slower and more controlled, which was exactly what he needed right now.
Something was wrong with Ghost, and Soap suspected it was more than not being in the mood to be around people. Sure, he’d said he was fine, but Soap didn’t believe him. While they were talking in Ghost’s room, Ghost was clearly trying hard to act like everything was ok. Soap could see right through it though. He saw the tenseness in Ghost’s back, saw the way he was hunched over slightly, as if he was trying to hide himself. There was a noticeable improvement in his mood the longer Soap was there for, but there was still a lingering sense of something around Ghost that he couldn’t identify.
It worried him, more so than it would if it was anyone else. Partly because of his not-so-platonic feelings towards Ghost, but also because he was usually so stoic and outwardly emotionless that whatever was causing him to react like this must be really bad.
Soap didn’t really know what to do. He wanted to go and ask what was wrong and if he could help, wanted to comfort him, if Ghost let him, but he didn’t know how Ghost would react. He didn’t want to accidentally make things worse by crossing a boundary he wasn’t aware of. On the other hand, that might be exactly what Ghost needed, and he might be making things worse by not doing anything and leaving Ghost on his own.
Soap groaned and rubbed his hands over his face. This was all so confusing.
He went over his options again and again while lying on his bed. He’d gotten back a while ago and this was all he’d been thinking about. Go to Ghost and comfort him, or leave him alone. He knew he’d certainly feel better if he could comfort Ghost, but whether Ghost would feel better was more important. Maybe he could try to do it discreetly? He could initiate friendly conversation then gently nudge it into a direction that might get Ghost to confide in him? Soap was bad at keeping conversations going in one direction, his mind was too hectic for that, always jumping from thought to thought, but he could try his best, and if it didn’t work then he’d just find some other way to go about it. Yeah, that was a good plan, he’d do that.
—
Ghost was staring into the mirror again. He should’ve stayed in bed, might have been able to overcome his thoughts then, but apparently he was incapable of doing what was good for him.
His mask was off, thrown somewhere on the floor, along with his shirt. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides. Small drops of water made their way down his face and onto the floor.
Pathetic.
He could hear his father’s voice in his head, feel the sting of his hand hitting his cheek. Real men don’t cry, he’d said. Ghost had never told him he was trans, but he didn’t exactly hide it either. He should’ve know better. His father would never hit a girl after all, no, he had far too much respect for that. A boy though? Fair game.
Ghost’s chest felt tight. His whole body felt like it was trembling. He was trying to control his breathing but any techniques he’d known were rapidly disappearing from his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut, felt more tears run down his face, and hated himself even more.
Real men don’t cry.
He knew it wasn’t true. He wouldn’t think any other man weak or inferior because they cried, especially not in his line of work. But he couldn’t help believing it. It had been beaten into him for years. Even if he didn’t believe other men were lesser, he would believe it about himself.
And still, the tears kept coming.
Ghost moved a hand up to cover his mouth, hoping to stifle any sounds he was making. The walls were thin, and he couldn’t afford for anyone to hear him like this.
He was in the middle of trying - and failing - to calm himself down by taking deep breaths when he heard a knock at the door. It sounded tentative, like the person out there wasn’t sure if they wanted him to hear or not.
He panicked, hurriedly wiping his face and grabbing his shirt and mask. He’d barely gotten his shirt over his head when another knock came, stronger than the first, accompanied by a voice.
“Ghost? Ye there? I wanted tae talk tae ye again, see if ye were feeling better.”
Fuck.
Ghost pulled the mask on, adjusted it so it sat right, and stubbornly avoided the mirror. His eyes were probably rimmed red and his voice hoarse from crying, and Soap would definitely pick up on it, was too perceptive not to.
He heard another knock.
“We don’t have tae talk if ye don’t want tae, I just wanted tae make sure ye were ok. Tell me tae bugger off and I’ll leave, I swear.”
He was offering Ghost an easy out, and if he wasn’t completely stupid, he’d take it. Unfortunately, he was completely stupid when it came to Soap. Seeing Soap would make him feel better, it always did. Soap would have questions, but if Ghost avoided answering them, he’d stop asking. He was nice like that.
Ghost stood just in front of the door and tried to steady his hands. He could hear Soap shuffling around outside, so he knew he hadn’t left.
There was a high chance that he’d break down if Soap started trying to comfort him. It wasn’t too late to take the out.
He opened the door.
Soap looked up at him with a bright smile that quickly dimmed once he took in Ghost’s appearance. Ghost could imagine what he looked like - dishevelled clothes, red eyes, and shaking like a fucking leaf. What a sight he must have made.
Soap opened his mouth to say something, but Ghost pulled him into his room before anything could leave his mouth.
The door clicked shut, and they were left staring at each other in silence. Soap opened his mouth again, before apparently losing courage and closing it.
Ghost swallowed heavily and wiped at his eyes again. Soap’s concerned look was making him want to hold onto him and cry into his shoulder until he felt better, but that was a dangerous thought, so Ghost turned away until he couldn’t see Soap’s face anymore. He was such a fucking idiot. He never should’ve let him in.
“Are ye- have ye been cryin’?”, Soap asked hesitantly.
Ghost shrugged. He didn’t need to answer, it was obvious what he’d been doing.
“Ye know ye can talk tae me, if ye want. I’m not gonna judge ye or anythin’. I just- I mean- I wanna help, if ye want me tae. Or I can leave. Whatever ye want.”
Ghost felt a sob rise in his throat. Soap was too nice to him. Ghost didn’t deserve this treatment and Soap shouldn’t have to try to deal with him crying everywhere like a child.
He saw Soap turn to leave in the corner of his vision, and finally found his voice.
“Please don’t leave.”
The stupid, selfish words made Soap pause. They came out smaller than Ghost intended them to, soft and afraid, and he regretted them immediately. Soap had probably only offered because he didn’t want to seem like he didn’t care. There was no way he actually didn’t mind being around Ghost while he was like this. Ghost was supposed to be the strong one. He wasn’t supposed to feel and cry.
He heard the echo of his father’s voice once more, and the sob that was rising up finally managed to escape.
Soap immediately rushed to him, reaching out but stopping before he could touch. “Is it, is it ok if I touch ye?”
Ghost nodded before he could talk himself out of it. He wanted Soap to touch him, to comfort him, even if it was selfish, even if he shouldn’t. As Soap’s arms wrapped around him, he couldn’t find it in himself to care.
Hugging Soap was, without a doubt, one of the best things he’d ever experienced. It was warm and soft and he could hear Soap whispering words of comfort in his ear. It’s ok, it’s ok, c’mon, let it all out, it’s ok.
He buried his head in Soap’s shoulder and inhaled shakily. His mask was damp with tears and snot and he could feel it slowly drying on his face, but he wouldn’t take it off. It was uncomfortable, but showing his face would be more so. Also, taking it off would require moving, and he never wanted to move from this position for the rest of his life.
They stayed there for a few more minutes, Soap gently rubbing one of his hands up and down Ghost’s back. Ghost took a few deep breaths before reluctantly pulling away.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t have-“, Ghost pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and exhaled sharply. “I shouldn’t have made you put up with that. You can leave if you want. I’m sorry.”
Soap brought his hands up to softly grasp Ghost’s wrists and tug his hands away from his face.
“None of that, yeah? If I didn’t wanna be here, I wouldn’t have come in the first place.”
Soap smiled reassuringly at him, and Ghost lowered his head to hide away, ashamed. It was nice while it lasted, but now he was calmer, Soap would have questions, would want answers that Ghost didn’t know if he could give. What scared him the most was the fact that he was starting to actually want to tell Soap. He’d never wanted to tell anyone before. But Soap made him feel so safe, it was hard to imagine him looking at Ghost with disgust because of it. And him and Soap were friends, even if he didn’t accept him, surely he wouldn’t spread it around base? Ghost had never known Soap to do anything like that, he wasn’t really the type to start rumours.
The worst that would happen was Soap would leave and wouldn’t speak to him again unless necessary, which was a pretty bad scenario in itself, but definitely not something he couldn’t deal with. It would hurt, of course, and he’d regret it for the rest of his life, but if it went well, then he’d gain someone to confide in, someone who truly knew him and accepted him for everything that he is. He hoped it would go well. If Soap started asking questions now, Ghost wouldn’t be able to help himself.
Soap realised he was still holding onto Ghost’s wrists and let them go awkwardly, a blush rising on his cheeks. He cleared his throat, disrupting the silence between them, and started to talk.
“Do ye wanna talk about it? If not, that’s fine. I just wanna help ye any way I can.”
Ghost did want to talk about it. He just had no idea how to go about it.
He opened and closed his mouth a few times, before walking to his bed and sitting on the edge, putting his head in his hands.
“I do wanna talk about it, I just, I-“, he took a deep, shuddering breath before continuing, “I do, just please don’t, please don’t hate me afterwards.”
Ghost felt the bed dip beside him and a thigh press against his own. “I could never hate ye. No matter what ye told me, I’d never, never, hate ye.”
Soap grabbed one of his hands and laced their fingers together, pressing a kiss to the back of Ghost’s hand before bringing them down to his lap and leaning further into Ghost. Ghost felt new tears well up in his eyes and quickly blinked them away.
“I- There’s something, something about me that I don’t tell people about. It’s not anything bad, or, well, it might be, to some people. It’s just… private. I don’t tell people so they can’t use it against me or, or anything like that. I don’t think- I mean- I hope you won’t. I trust you and I like you and I don’t want to lose you because of this but I’m not gonna force you to be around me or speak to me if you don’t want to. I understand, it’s happened before, some people don’t like it and that’s, well, it’s not fine, but-“
Ghost cut himself off to take more deep breaths. He could feel his chest getting tight again.
“I’m sorry, I’m rambling, it’s just, it’s hard to talk about. I’ve never told anyone I didn’t have to before.”
Soap squeezed his hand. “S’ok, I don’t mind. Take yer time, I’m not goin’ anywhere.”
Ghost nodded and prepared himself for rejection. If he prepared for the worst, it would surprise him less if Soap reacted badly, even if he didn’t think that would happen. He had to be prepared for every possibility.
“I’m-“, Ghost swallowed, and braced himself for a punch. “I’m transgender. I was, I was born a girl. I always knew I wasn’t, but that didn’t matter, because I had a girl’s body, and that was the only thing people saw when they looked at me. I don’t- it’s not like that anymore, I take hormones and, and I’ve had surgery but sometimes I just, I just look in the mirror and all I see is a woman. It feels so wrong and I hate it but I can’t do anything about it. That’s why I was crying. Just been having a shitty day.”
Ghost was tense, waiting for Soap to move, to speak, to do something to let him know what he thought.
Just when the silence was starting to get too much, Ghost heard a soft sigh. Was that it? Was he horrified? Confused? Shocked? Ghost was about to pull away when Soap finally spoke up.
“Oh Si. C’mere, it’s ok. I would never hate ye for telling me somethin’ like this. I’m honoured ye trusted me enough tae tell me. Anyone who reacted badly is a fuckin’ idiot and they never deserved ye anyway. C’mon, shh, it’s ok.”
Ghost had never been so glad to make an impulsive decision in his life. If he died right now, clinging to Soap’s shirt and sobbing into his shoulder, he’d die a happy man. This was the most acceptance he’d ever gotten from anyone. For the first time in his life, he was being made to feel like him being trans wasn’t something he should be ashamed of.
Soap was holding onto him just as hard, one hand on his back and one hand resting on the back of his head, still whispering soothing words. His voice was smooth and low and the best thing Ghost had ever fucking heard.
He blinked away the last of the tears, an uncontrollable smile firmly plastered on his face. “Thank you, so much. I can’t even begin to explain how much this means to me, I just- thank you.”
Soap pulled back slightly, just enough to look at him without having to loosen his grip. “There’s no need to thank me, I’m just doing what everyone else should’ve. Yer perfect, Si, and nothing or no one shoulda ever made ye feel like ye weren’t. I’m sorry ye had tae hide this from everyone for so long. I understand why ye did it, but no one should have to carry somethin’ like this all by themselves. I’m glad ye told me.”
“If you don’t stop being so nice I’m gonna cry again”, Simon warned, smiling. He didn’t actually want him to stop, he’d probably never want him to. Soap saying all these things about him made him feel good, and he didn’t ever want to not have this again.
Soap huffed out a laugh, and moved the hand on the back of his head to cup his cheek, thumb stroking just under his eye, catching on the edge of the mask a couple of times. “As long as it’s happy tears, I’m fine with that.”
Ghost just smiled harder. He hoped he remembered this moment forever. Soap looked beautiful like this, eyes bright and smiling widely. If he could choose a place in time to stay in forever, he’d surely choose this moment.
Soap’s hand moved down to caress the bottom of his mask. “May I?” Ghost nodded. “Yeah, you can take it off. It was getting uncomfortable anyway.” Soap began to slowly pull the mask up his face, making sure to look for any signs of Ghost being uncomfortable. Finding none, he took it off completely, dropping it to the floor and moving his hand back to Ghost’s face. “Fuck, yer beautiful.”
Ghost felt his cheeks heat and ducked his head. “Shut it, I’m not.” Soap raised an eyebrow. “Ye calling me a liar? ‘Cause I think yer the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.” Ghost’s blush spread down his neck and he groaned, causing to Soap to laugh lightly and shift closer. “Really though Si, ye are, and I’m gonna keep telling ye ‘til ye believe me.”
They were close now, foreheads almost touching, and Ghost found his gaze drifting down to Soap’s lips. He had wanted to kiss him for months, but he’d never let himself imagine what it would be like. Now, it seemed like he wouldn’t have to imagine.
Soap began to lean in, and Ghost met him in the middle. The first touch of lips on lips made Ghost want to explode with how happy he felt. It was chaste and they were both smiling into it, which may have made it slightly awkward, but neither of them cared. To them, it was perfect.
They pulled apart and rested their foreheads together, not wanting to lose contact, not even for a moment. Ghost thought this might be the happiest he’d been in his life.
“Do you wanna stay the night? Not to do anything, just, you know, sleep.”
Soap’s smile was blinding. “‘Course I do, I’d never pass up an opportunity tae be around ye.”
And as they lay down to sleep, Ghost kept smiling to himself, sure that Soap was doing the same. He felt no regret over what happened; telling Soap was definitely one of the best decisions he’d made. It was almost worth being rejected so many times, to have someone as perfect as Soap reassure him. Ghost knew that, after this night, falling in love with Soap wasn’t something to dread, it was something inevitable, something that wasn’t very far away at all. Ghost couldn’t wait.