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Andrea always liked night the best. Those few sweet hours when she faded from existence. When it was just her, alone in the world. To others, that may seem lonely. But to Andrea, it was more comforting than any hug.
Andrea was different. She had known this for a long time now. She didn't think it was normal for a girl to cry and scream whenever their mom tried to get them to wear a dress. She didn't think it was normal to see a stranger in the mirror.
And so, during her special time of night, Andrea made a decision. She was not Andrea Morales, he was Miles Morales.
Miles always liked night the best. Those few sweet hours when his house was empty. When he could quietly make his way to the bathroom and dig the small razor out of its hiding space. Where he could relieve the pain in his chest via small, precise lines drawn on his forearm. Where he could punish his body for not being the right one for him.
Miles was different. He has known this for a long time now. He didn't think it was normal for someone to wear sweaters in ninety degree weather. He didn't think it was normal for someone to rush to the bathroom anytime they ate. He didn't think it was normal for someone to down a bottle of pills at midnight and cry when they woke up the next morning.
Then, he became Spiderman. Then, his body started to grow in all the wrong ways. Then, he made friends. Friends who were very observant.
"Hey, [redacted], you seem to be losing a lot of weight. Are you eating regularly?"
"[Redacted], why are you wearing a sweater? It's like a million degrees outside!"
"What's up [redacted], you look tired. Is something wrong?"
Everytime he would make excuses and they would accept them.
"High metabolism, man"
"Sweaters are comfortable, what can I say?"
"I was up all night doing homework, I'm fine!"
Then, he stayed over at someone's house for the first time. Then, he had dinner at someone's house for the first time.
"Where are you going [redacted]?"
"I just gotta go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."
He ignored the look of suspicion and concern in their eyes.
He turned on the tap and emptied his dinner into the toilet. Flushing just to make sure nobody heard.
His chest was hurting again. Thankfully he always brought it with him. Unfortunately, he didn't have medical supplies, but he stopped bleeding almost immediately.
The perks of being Spider-Man.
Unfortunately, he got a speck of blood on his sweater. Fortunately, they thought it was just that time of the month.
Then, everything came undone.
Both his parents were at work, he was in the bathroom, fresh blood dripping to the floor, when a text came through on his phone.
12:32 pm Peter
Hey! Who's available for dinner at Sal's tomorrow?
12:35 pm Gwen
I should be able to, I'll confirm tomorrow.
12:35 pm Pavitr
Meee!
12:41 pm Hobie
I should be mate
Shit. Dinner. In public.
He had avoided going to public dinners for almost four years now. It was hard to hide his problems when anybody could walk in at any minute. Still, he wanted to hang out with his friends. He would figure something out eventually.
1:05 pm [Redacted]
I'll be there!
The rest of the day passed slowly, as did the night. Then, the dreaded time arrived.
He walked through the portal to Peter's dimension and began the painfully slow walk, he didn't want to tear his cuts open swinging.
He got there, found his friends, and sat down. He ordered something small, saying he just wasn't hungry, and hoped he could force himself to keep it down until he got home. But, as always, things never went his way.
He ate, felt it settle into his stomach like a dead weight. He tried to hold it in, but he couldn't bear the feeling. So he excused himself and promptly walked to the restroom, praying nobody was in there. To his relief, his prayers were answered.
The universe can be cruel sometimes, he quickly learned. Because the moment he began his process, he heard the tell tale stomp of heavy boots enter the restroom.
He stood up, not ready to face him, but knowing he had to.
"[Redacted]..."
"I just wasn't feeling well, I promise."
He could tell he didn't believe him, but thankfully he didn't push the issue.
Then his sleeve rolled up when he went to take a drink. And everyone saw.
The looks of pity and concern. There questions and condolences. None of it registered to him. All he could hear was the name he despised so much. All he could hear was his own panic ringing in his ears as he got up from the table and ran out of the restaurant.
His phone was blowing up, but he ignored it.
I'm different. My body isn't the one it should be. This life isn't mine and I can bear it no longer. None of it is anybody's fault but mine.
Hobie - You have been such an amazing friend and you have helped me through so many tough spots. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Pavitr - The first time I met you, I knew we were going to be good friends. I tried chai tea because of you, it was really good! Thank you.
Noir and Peni- I didn't know you two for long, and I wish I could have seen you guys again for one last time. Still, the short time I spent with y'all was one of the best in my life. Thanks to both of you.
Gwen - You are the most beautiful girl I have ever met. From the second I laid eyes on you I never wanted anyone more. Everything about you is perfect, and I wish we could have become something more. Never let your smile fall and never let your laugh falter. Just know that I will always be with you. I know you like sunsets, I will make an especially beautiful one tonight. Just for you. I love you, and I wish I would have told you sooner. Thank you.
Peter B. - You came along at a very unexpected time, and I know our meeting was a little less than savory, but you inspired me to grow into the Spider-WomenMan that I am. I never would have been able to do anything that I did without your help. You were an amazing mentor and an even more amazing father figure friend. I hope Maday grows into a wonderful person, and I hope that everytime she smiles you see a little bit of me in her. I could never thank you enough.
Mami and Papi - I love both of you so much and I know I didn't show it much. I wish I could have grown into the young woman you always hoped I would become. I know I didn't show it, but I am so incredibly grateful for everything you have done for me. I could never put into words everything I want to say to you. Me aseguraré de decirle a papá que lo amas. Thank you so so so much.
Goodbye everyone. I will miss all of you.
– Andrea Miles Morales
Hundreds of people tuned into the morning news expecting to hear nothing but the weather and minor crimes. Needless to say, their expectations were not met.
"Early this morning what many may know as Spider-Woman was found dead. Their identity has been revealed as Miles Morales, formerly known as Andrea Morales. They are yet another addition to the many trans teenagers that have taken their lives in the past year. If you are listening, New York will miss you greatly, rest in power"