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Loving Bradley Bradshaw had been easy, it was just like breathing for Jake. He even thought about what marrying Bradley would be like. Would their first dance be a country song and would Bradley play “Great Balls of Fire” on the piano before the night was up? Honestly, Jake should have known it was all too good to be true. No one ever wanted to stay, he was too much, too high maintenance, and too selfish. Walking into their shared apartment one Wednesday afternoon to find it devoid of any hint of Bradley, Jake broke. No note, no toothbrush, not even some of his toothpaste was left. He couldn’t focus, breathing now felt like a knife scraping his lungs. Where before everything was bright and happy with Bradley around, Jake could now only see haunting images and muted colors.
Learning to live without Bradley might have been the most painful thing that Jake ever had to do. It beat the physical pain from his childhood and the pain from getting his first air-to-air kill and losing his first wingman in the process. Jake knew there had been things that Bradley didn’t want to talk about, but he was ready to wait until the information was offered. He had no idea that he would be left alone long before he got his answers. Now, with zero reason, zero Bradley, and a heart that feels like it got shoved through a meat grinder, Jake had to learn to pick up the pieces and keep on living. Javy began his rock and savior during this time. He helped him learn to work through the pain and he was finally able to breathe again when he saw a man with a terrible pornstache or heard that stupid Jerry Lee Lewis song. That’s not to say that he didn’t have trouble occasionally, like when he saw a Hawaiian shirt that reminded him just a little too much of Bradley. However, these moments started to come few and farther between.
When Jake found out he was recalled to Top Gun along with the other best of the best, he knew he was finally going to have to face Bradley for the first time in over a year. He called Javy hyperventilating more times than was probably socially acceptable, but Javy only ever calmed him down. They made a plan for when the inevitable meeting would occur and Jake would be okay eventually. Javy was going to be on the lookout for Rooster and warn Jake before he had to face the man. This would allow Jake plenty of time to get into his Hangman mask and slip out with as minimal contact as possible. Of course, this plan did not go exactly right because why would it?
Their first night at the Hard Deck had been shaping up to be pretty good. Some older guy had broken and rule and now everyone got free drinks, and he was sweeping at the pool table. Riding this high, Jake went to the bar to get another round when he heard Phoenix laugh before saying “Bradshaw. Is that you?” Suddenly it felt like Jake was back in that empty fucking apartment and the love of his life had just walked out. Jake could not take a deep breath. He knew the second he saw Rooster’s smug and unbothered face he was going to crack straight down the middle. With that thought in mind, he straightens his back and forces a smirk onto his face. If he can’t face the situation as Jake, Hangman would have to work for a little while. He walks over to the pool tables with an extreme amount of swagger and an insane amount of false bravado. He was ready to face his past.
Hangman walks right past Rooster and Phoenix without ever looking at them. He saddles up next to Javy and looks up with the most self-satisfied smirk he could muster and finally, he lays his eyes on Rooster. “Bradshaw. As I live and breathe.” Jake couldn’t quite force himself to call Bradley Rooster out loud, not yet anyway. The words were choking him but he had to keep himself together. “Hangman. You look good.” If that wasn’t a kick to the teeth for Jake then he didn’t know what was. He wasn’t Jake or even Seresin, he was Hangman now. Reduced to just his callsign. “I am good, Rooster. I’m very good.” As Jake looks at Rooster he could have sworn he saw some hurt in his eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it arrived. Jake must have just imagined what he wanted to see.
If Jake thought that was going to be the end of the conversation he was dead wrong. His brain faded into and out of the conversation and he only replied when he thought it made sense. He made a snarky comment about leading the team and who could follow him when Rooster decided to speak again. “Hangman, the only place you’ll ever lead anyone is an early grave.” Jake expected Bradley to say a lot of things, and not many of them were nice, but for him to casually throw one of the worst days of his life in his face like it was nothing hurt. Losing his wingman killed him in a way not many people knew but Bradley did and he used it against him. With his feet kicked out from under him, Jake did the only thing he knew how to do when backed into a corner, he lashed out. “Anyone follows you is just gonna run outta fuel. But then that’s you ain’t it Rooster? Snug on your perch, waitin’ for just the right moment. That never comes.” The little flinch and step back he got after his words made him feel vindicated as well as guilty.
When Rooster goes and sits at the piano, Jake knows it’s time to go home. As he walks out of the bar he can hear the opening notes of “Great Balls of Fire” and he just crumbles. Luckily Javy had followed him out of the bar and caught him before he could smack the ground. Javy all but carries Jake to his truck and drives him home while tears stream down Jake’s face all the way to base housing.
Training over the next few weeks was weird, to say the least. Bradley was desperate to speak to Jake, he needed to explain and beg him for forgiveness, but to do that he had to get close enough. Bradley kept trying to talk to Jake, but every time without fail, Javy would intercept him and make sure he didn’t get the chance. Just once, Bradley got Jake alone, they were both changing in the locker rooms and Javy was still up in the air. Bradley started to talk “Hang… Jake can we talk” Jake flinches before steeling his spine and turning around. “What is there to talk about Rooster, you left and know we are here. That feels like enough communication for me.” “Jake please listen to me” Bradley pleaded. “Why should I, you left without a note, no warning, and you left me to pick up the pieces, so we are done. I don’t want to talk to you any more than required for the mission.” Bradley looked ashamed and hurt by Jake’s words but he didn’t try to talk again. “I know most people think I am too much and don’t want to stay after they really get to know me, but I always thought you would be different,” with these words Jake left behind a devastated-looking Bradley.
As the mission approached closer, Jake became increasingly worried. Not for himself, but he was worried that Bradley would get picked and he would end up dying on that mission. There was no way for him to stop it, Maverick would pick Bradley, that is just how it was. They obviously had history, and Bradley was the right person for the mission, but that doesn’t make the anxiety go away. When they stood at attention as the Dagger teams were picked, Jake could only feel fear when Bradley’s name gets called. At least he was Dagger Spare in case anything happened. The gravity of the situation hit Jake all at once, Bradley might die, and he never talked to him, maybe it would have helped maybe it would have just hurt him, but he never got that chance.
Bradley was scared, not for the mission though that was scary, no he was worried he would never have the chance to tell Jake why he left that day. Tell him that it was the biggest mistake of his life, and he had a lot of them. Now he may never have the chance. When he gets up to the flight deck Bradley spots Jake and walks over to him. “You give ‘em hell, and when you get back we can talk like you wanted. That means you have to get back to me.” Jake’s voice sounds watery at the end and there is a ball in his throat, but he said what he needed. Bradley nodded and walked to his plane ready to take off. He turned around at the last moment and whispered “Something tells me we aren’t done, because if we are then I have no reason to fight, and I won’t accept that.” Even if Jake couldn’t hear it he had to get the words out.
Jake sat in his jet helpless as he heard Mav get shot down then Bradley. When he requested to launch as backup, he was denied. Bradley hurt him, but Jake was still in love with him, and never really stopped. Not being able to go help was tearing him apart. Then all of a sudden they got word that Bradley’s ESAT was supersonic. Again Jake asked to launch before getting denied. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he left against orders. Jake flew as fast as he could knowing that he would never get to have that talk with Bradley if he didn’t fly as fast as possible. When he saw the F-14 in the sky, he knew he was so close; then he saw the 5th gen fighter behind them and he panicked. He fired before he could think twice. The jet exploded along with the enemy missile not a second too soon. He remembers saying something sarcastic about tray tables, but he flew home in a state of utter shock just glad to hear Bradley’s voice again.
When Bradley stumbled out of the jet, it took everything in Jake not to go over and hug the man, but he needed to talk to the man before he put all of his cards on the table. Between the medical stay, debriefings, and holy shit we didn’t die parties, it was a few days before Bradley and Jake were able to talk. After about a week of agonizing waiting, Jake and Bradley met at Bradley’s house. When Jake drove up in his truck his heart was beating out of his chest. Was he finally going to get answers, or was he going to leave more heartbroken than he started? When he finally pulled himself out of his truck he nervously knocked on the door. Bradley answered almost immediately and showed him inside.
“Would you like anything to drink?” “If you have a beer, that would be great otherwise I’m good with water,” Jake answered. “I’ll go grab us some real quick.” Once Bradley got back and set the beer down, there was a short awkward silence before Jake spoke. “Why did you leave, you didn’t leave a note, and I thought what we had was going pretty well.” With a deep breath, Bradley stopped and started a few times before he finally got the words out. “It was going really well and I got terrified. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you but I couldn’t even tell you about my past and Mav. You deserved so much better than I could give you.” So many emotions flowed through Jake at once. Anger at the entire situation and the position he was put in, sadness that Bradley couldn’t talk to him, and even some fear that Bradley was not in love with him anymore. He didn’t fail to notice the past tense in wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. Riddled with apprehension, Jake began to quietly speak “Ya know I imagined what our wedding would look like. The songs we would play who all would be there. I always thought you left because you realized I wasn’t worth it anymore and that you didn’t love me. It took me hours to get up off the floor once I realized you had left me.” Tears were now freely flowing downs both faces as they continued speaking. Choked up Bradley could barely talk, but he had to say something. “You were perfect, you have never been too much and you never will be! I wanted a wedding and dancing in the kitchen forever with you, but I couldn’t let go of the past long enough to let myself have it. I am so sorry that I hurt you like I did, but I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it right. I loved you then and I love you now, I never stopped and I never will. Is there any way you would let us try again, let me prove that I can be the man I should have been a year ago?” “I think I can manage that, but I have one small condition first.” “I will do anything.” Bradley rushed out. “Kiss me Bradley please.”
Bradley had never made an easier decision in his life. Jake was pulled into a kiss that started out bruising, but slowly changed into something that felt like coming home. An achingly soft kiss that could only be had between two people who were in love. “Will you stay here tonight, just to sleep?” Bradley asked. “I miss being around you and waking up seeing your face every morning.” Jake laughed “I would love that.”
While the start of forever was not perfect or easygoing, it happened with Bradley and Jake together. They fought, both still dealing with guilt and anger from the past. A lingering fear that the other would leave would cross their minds. However, the other was always there to reassure them that they weren’t going anywhere. Whatever issues they faced, they faced together and that was enough.