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“I need somebody to race and you’re still injured”
“What about Papai?”
“Already raced him”
“Why can’t they just race again”
“That’s not what he’s paying for”
“Fuck, rich kids are the worst”
“I know, but they are the ones who fund these races so we need someone new”
“There haven’t been any newbies since Stop, no notable ones at least”
“How about that boy of yours?”
“Rain?”
“That’s the one”
“He can’t ride?”
“That’s not what I heard”
“What did you hear” Phayu said crossing his arms
“Well apparently someone was a very famous street racer in korea, different name but I think it's safe to assume that it was your boy”
“And why would you think that?”
“I have my ways”
“He doesn't even know how to ride a bike”
“Just take me to him, please”
“No”
“I am not in the mood to argue”
“Fine but don’t push him”
‘I won’t, I promise”
Phayu lead P’Chai to the back entrance of the mechanics tent and begrudgingly announced that his boyfriend was “sitting at the back”
“You wait here”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously, just wait P’Phayu”
“Fine”
+
“Hi Varain”
Rain looked up, his mouth forming a small ‘o’
“Hi P’Chai” bowing his head
“We need you to race”
His eyes widened in surprise, but just for a moment P’Chai could’ve swore he saw something else there. Familiarity? Fear? “Me? I don’t race”
“Don’t lie to us Varain, we know all about your racing”
And it was like a switch flipped in Rain. His face lost its confused frown and instead he looked… mean. “Why do I need to race?” Rain said cooly
“Rich kid’s dad paid a fortune to get this kid in the race and he refuses to race Papai, so?”
“What do I get?”
“Cut of the money?”
“No”
“It can go towards Papai’s debt, might even be able to clear it if you race the boy a few times”
“Deal. Do I need to lose?”
“Nope, dad wants a fair race to knock that kid of his ‘high horse’ so just race like normally”
“I haven’t raced in a while” Rain warned, climbing up from his spot on the ground
“That's fine”
“I could be shit”
“I said that's fine. Borrow some of Phayu’s gear and chose a bike then meet us a the start in 20”
“Yes P’Chai”
+
Rain followed the older man outside where he met a worried looking Phayu. “Rain what happened?”
Rain refused to look at Phayu. He didn’t want to see that disappointment in his eyes. He’d kept another thing from his boyfriend. Every time they got comfortable in their relationship something new came up and each time he thought Phayu would realise what a waste of time it all was and dump him. “I need to borrow some gear” he mumbled
“Speak up baby’
“I need to borrow some of your racing gear”
Phayu froze, “you have raced before?”
Rain couldn’t do anything but nod
“You said it was your first time on a bike”
“I’m sorry”
“No, no, Rain I am not mad at all, just shocked. We are talking about this later but I am not mad”
“You promise?”
“I promise”
+
Well fuck.
Really at this point Phayu shouldn’t be surprised. Rain was full of surprises and his past had been… interesting, for lack of a better word. But despite all that Phayu couldn’t lie, he was shocked. He watched Rain put on some of his friend’s old riding gear. The gear was a bit roomy but fit fine so they had sourced some better fitting gear from Papai, which was definitely a good choice. The leathery pants hugged Rain’s ass, and the jacket clung to his body, defining every muscle, pinching at the waist. Phayu finally understood why Rain liked him in his racing gear. It was certainly a sight to see, one he hoped he’d see again.
But maybe not at the track.
That desire hid fear. Riding was dangerous. People got injured all the time. Hell, he’d been injured a few months ago. He wouldn’t survive if something happened to Rain. Nothing could happen to Rain. And P’Chai had said he was good but even pros got hurt. Anything can happen. People break rules (it was an illegal race for God’s sake). And Rain hadn’t raced on this track before, or even in this country before.
“Yu” someone yelled throwing their arm over his shoulder
“Pai! Fuck, dude, you sacred the shit out of me”
“Serves you right, checking out your boyfriend, weren’t you?”
“Fuck off”
“Naughty language”
“Pai, i swear to God I-”
“Ahia, only joking. What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing”
“It is because Rain is racing”
“I said nothing”
“Mate, come on”
“Fine. I’m worried about Rain, happy?”
“Not really. He will be fine Yu”
“How can you know that?”
“Well from the rumours I have heard he was a very very good racer, it's not raining, he's racing a bitchy rich kids and you are in charge of his bike. Plus he’s wearing my gear, that's got to be a good luck charm or something.”
“I’m still worried”
“Don’t be”
“I am”
“Phayuuuuu”
“Papaiiiiiiiii”
“He will be fine”
“I know”
“Yu. He will be fine”
“I know”
“Alright then, how about we go watch? Sky’s already waiting up there”
“Yeah, sure, lets go”
+
Phayu caught Rain as he jumped into his boyfriend waiting arms
“I did it, I won” rain screamed, squeezing Phayu tightly
“I’m so proud of you baby” Phayu muttered in his ear, watching Rain squirm as his breath tickled the younger boys neck, “daddy’s proud of you”
Their moment was shattered by a loud screech and bang as a riding helmet collided with the floor. “He cheated”
“I told you last time, nobody cheats at my races. They have no way of cheating”
“Bullshit, he’s the mechanic bitch, of course he cheated, just like that last whore”
Rain saw red. He tried to pull away from his boyfriend, but Phayu just tightened his grip around Rain, “no baby, they will sort it” he whispered, planting a small kiss on his boyfriend's neck.
P’Chai opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, to everybody's surprise, Sky stepped forward.
“What did you just say?”
“Mind your own business”
“How dare you talk about them like that”
The young boy rolled his eyes as he turned to face Sky, “Awwww hurt your feelings too did I? You fucking the mechanic too?”
And then Sky punched him
Hard
Like - there was blood pouring from his possibly broken nose - hard
“Don’t you dare talk about my friends like that or you’ll regret it, you hear me?”
Everyone stood frozen. The kid didn’t even attempt to get off the ground, he just stared blankly at Sky. After a moment, Papai stepped forward pulling a shaking Sky into his arms as he muttered quiet words of comfort. P’Chai jumped into action, nodding to security who hauled the boy onto his feet.
“You are banned from this racetrack. In the future I encourage you to be smarter about your words.”
“M-my father will hear about this” he stammered weakly
“He most definitely will but I am not sure that works in your favour, now get the fuck out”
“Sky!” Rain called, finally freeing himself from Phayu’s grip and making his way through the slowly dispersing crowd to his friend, “Sky? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine Rain”
“Why did you do that? You could have got hurt”
“I said I’m fine Rain”
“We need to get someone to check out you hand, love” Papai said gently
“It’s fine”
“Aiah, Skyyyy” Rain whined, “listen to your boyfriend for once, what if its broken?”
“Fine, jeez, you’re both overreacting”
“That was quite the punch Nong Sky” Phayu added, walking over to the group, “best to get it checked, you two head over to the tent, Rain and I will sort out the rest, right baby?”
“Yeah. Yeah. Go” Rain ordered
And with that Papai led his pouty boyfriend over to the medic tent leaving the other two boys. Phayu reached out and cupped the back of Rain’s neck, willing the boy to meet his eyes. “Are you okay baby?”
“I’m great” Rain beamed, “can I race again? Please?”
“We can definitely talk about it”
“Really?”
“Of course baby”
“Thank you Phi”
“No problem, baby. How about we stop for dinner on the way home?”
Rain lauded himself onto Phayu, legs wrapping around the older man's waist and planting a kiss on his cheek.
“I love you Phayu” he said softly
+
When they had gotten home, Phayu didn't waste a single minute, slamming Rain against the wall and pressing their bodies together. Rain moaned into his boyfriend's mouth as Phayu’s hands roamed wildly. Phayu felt his body driven by a burning desire, that spark that burned just as intensely as the first time. It never faded with Rain, it never would. He let his desire take over as they collapsed onto the couch, the beloved riding gear finding itself on the ground.
“You ready baby?”
“Yes daddy”
Saifah was lucky he wasn’t home tonight
+
Later they were curled up in each other's arms fast asleep. Although sleep had gotten easier for Rain, the problem wasn’t fixed that easily, especially not tonight.
He didn’t know if it was being at the track
If it was the racing
Or the drink he decided to have at dinner
But his mind dragged him back to those Korean streets
*He stumbled over the cracked road, laughing and smiling.
Another win
He won again
Of course he did
He always won
Then he always bought them drink
Then they always ended up at a house
A random house
Then he left. Early
He went back to his small apartment
And that's when it all hit
The drugs
The alcohol
The adrenaline
The cramps sent him to his knees
The pounding blurred his vision
Most nights ended with him drenched in sweat leaning over his toilet
With her screech in the background
He was so cold
So alone
So alone
Alone*
+
Phayu had no idea what woke him up. It definitely wasn’t morning. Then it hit him, he was alone. The bed next to him was empty, but not cold. Rain had only just gotten up. Getting up he stumbled out onto the hall. That's when he heard a groan. Beginning to panic, he rushed to the bathroom where he found Rain hunched over the toilet, tears pouring down his abnormally pale face.
“Shit, Rain baby” Phayu cursed, dropping down to his knees by Rain and placing a hand on his back. Upon contact Rain let out a small groan leaning into the touch
“Phayuuuuu”
“Your okay baby”
His crying became sobbing, “Phayu, it hurts”
“I know Rainy, but you’ll be okay, I’m right here”
“Phayu, I’m sorry, I’m sorry”
“Hey, it’s okay, you haven’t done anything wrong. Are you feeling sick” Phayu soothed, placing the back of his hand on Rain’s forehead, “you don’t have a fever”
Rain shook his head. “Dream”
“Same one?”
Again, Rain shook his head
“Let's go back to bed, yeah? Or do you want to shower first?”
“Bed”
“You go to the bedroom and I’ll go get you some water baby” Phayu directed, carefully helping his boyfriend to his feet.
+
He’d lied again. He kept lying. Phayu was mad. Rain could tell but he had every right to be. He probably thought Rain didn’t trust him but Rain did, he really did. He just didn’t know how to bring these things up. The words wouldn’t leave his mouth no matter how hard he tried. He needed help but asking was impossible. There was something wrong with him and he knew it. Maybe now Phayu knew it. Maybe this was it, he’d had enough.
“Rain, darling, I need you to breathe for me”
Huh? Phayu was back in the room.
He must be. Rain felt strong arms pull him close.
“Its okay Rain, we’re okay, I’ve got you”
“Phayu” he finally managed to croak
“Hey baby, you feeling better?”
All Rain could do was nod
“What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“I lied again”
“You didn’t lie baby. I’ve always told you, you don't owe me anything”
“I should’ve told you”
“No baby, if you wanted to tell me you could of but you never needed to”
“I used to race”
“I’ve heard” Phayu said with a teasing smile, “i also heard you’re very good at it”
“Phiiiii.”
“Where did you race”
“Korean street races”
“Illegally?”
“Very. Remember when I cleaned you, that night at the hospital? I’d done that before at the races. Injured people couldn’t really must go to the hospital and fights were really common and my dads taught me first aid so I knew what to do”
“That’s very impressive baby”
“But I took meds to focus. And I drank. Sometimes a lot. It used to make me really sick after”
“That’s what you dreamt about?”
“Yeah. I love racing so much but everything else…. After I got kicked out from the company it kinda became my job, the only place I got money.”
“I’m sorry baby”
“It’s okay Phi. I am okay now. Can I race more?”
“Of course, baby.”
“It was more fun tonight.”
“Oh yeah, why?”
“You were on the sideline. You were there for everything”
“I will always be here for you baby, no matter what I am here, I am yours.”
And he was Phayu’s