Chapter Text
Songs recommended
1. Hurts so good by Astrid S
2. Who by Lauv feat. Jimin and Jungkook
Jungkook sat on the couch surrounded by pale white walls that looked horrendous on this uneventful day. He could draw the outlines of various furious faces on the walls. The silence was deafening as he sat immobile and void of any emotions. He tries to convince himself, whispering absolutely nothing inside his brain cause his heart knows everything would go down the drain the moment he stepped into his so-called home. Jungkook thought today would be so memorable as his beloved husband entered the audience for the first time. His manager Yoongi did something out of the blue that left Jungkook frozen in front of millions. He accepts he is selfish but at what cost? Loud knocks on the door mingle with air as he feels himself drowning in guilt, anger, or melancholy. The thumping of his heart resonates in those four walls with beads of sweat forming on his skin damping his thin tee. The door clicks open when Yoongi enters with a nonchalant expression as if he didn't stir a tornado in the latter's life. Jungkook feels like he is tied to the strings played by his Management through Yoongi. He stares blankly at the glass of Champagne offered as he won the silver medal for the first time in his 2 years of career. He is no newbie to the racing industry but the racers with who he competed are way more experienced.
"Drink it up, kid"
"Jungkook?"
"Are you listening?"
Yoongi's voice fades into the background as Jungkook eyes land on his phone vibrating with the name he is trying so hard to avoid since this evening. A kind of panic courses through his veins causing him to rush out of the room with trembling limbs. He picks up the phone after a lot of contemplation tapping his fingers on the steering as raindrops hit his windows. Sweat drips from his jawline falling softly on his neck and disappearing into the shirt. Eyes are closed shut anticipating a reply from the other line. Jungkook's voice aches to come out from his throat listening to a tiny whimper by his husband
"Min-ah!"
"Gguk"
Jungkook presses the pedal as the car races out of the garage onto the highway. Speed limits are ignored and traffic lights are skipped, Jungkook enters their penthouse with a racing heart to find his husband crouched down on the floor leaning against their coffee couch
"Jimin!" He breathes
"Come here!"
Jimin speaks in a whisper as Jungkook tears his gaze away from the older, heart-wrenching noticing the latter's swollen eyes and pale face. He shifts uncomfortably placing his palm on Jimin's hoping to soothe the pain he has caused
"You did great today Gguk-ah. It was a sight to watch" Jimin smiles
Jungkook knows the implication is far from what Jimin is speaking. He knows what exactly happened after the race. He knows what Jimin witnessed from the stands. He definitely knows what his husband is feeling.
"Jimin, I can explain"
"Explain? Oh, you want to explain to me how the race starts and the rules? Or how players are selected for the tournament? I am all ears Jungkook, come on" Jimin turns to face him with silent tears running down his pale cheeks
"Please understand, Min"
"I told you I am all ears, explain Jungkook"
Jungkook raises his palm wiping the stream of tears on his husband's cheeks, feeling Jimin's muscles tensing under his touch. Jimin doesn't move away or break eye contact finding answers to all his unknown questions.
"I at least deserve to know right Gguk-ah! Don't I? P-Please explain" His voice cracks painfully but he doesn't stop stroking Jungkook's hand slowly with his thumb
"It was never supposed to happen Jimin, the timing was bad. I didn't want it to happen that way. I-"
Jimin cuts him off with an empty laugh as he moves inches away from the younger
"How long did you want to keep it from me? Or did you think of bringing her home? So, I can cook proper meals and chit-chat. Sorry Jungkook, I am so busy for all that shit" Jimi scoffs thumbing his tears away
All the bitter memories of that evening play in his mind, making him hate himself for believing something was not off about Jungkook. He encouraged Jungkook in every way possible, despite his job he gave his husband all the support he needed. He was on face time with him at his first race 2 years ago. He did abandon his work a few times tending to the younger's injuries when he was training so hard. He knows he was not a completely loving husband and Jungkook was not so different. They made up in their own ways, they did sort out their own problems in one way or the other. Both were so similar in everything except Jungkook was not so vocal about his concerns or problems. He was more inclined to physical affection which included stolen kisses, back hugs, and probably a lot of sexual intimacy. Jimin never complained, he was happy that Younger found one or the other way to portray his emotions. The only time Jungkook was vocal was during their intercourse, he would praise Jimin or voice out anything that was bothering him. Where did he go wrong then? Where did he do a mistake for his husband to find comfort in an outsider?
"I will explain Min, you need to understand. You should not have left the place without a word"
"Should I sit there and watch my husband being all lovey-dovey with some random shit?" Jimin screams just above a whisper, his voice laced with pain and anger
"You can't call her some shit Jimin, I want you to understand and be patient while I am explaining. Don't just freak out about everything!"
"How are you even defending her Jungkook? You want me to be cool and listen to my husband's affair with a smile on my face? What's wrong with you?"
"I can't make up excuses Jimin, I know I have done a mistake but I never knew Yoongi would do something so stupid as this. Everyone with whom I compete is professional. Gaining a place among them is highly impossible, if not this way. We need to spend loads of money on different people to secure a place and I chose the other way. Racing is my dream Min and I can't give up on it for something so silly like this"
Jungkook lashes out with a sudden surge of anger in his body. He feels enough pain for letting his husband down and crushing his heart. His nose flares and his cheeks turn red from the amount of anger and pain bubbling inside his body. Jungkook regrets raising his voice and seeing Jimin flinch at his outburst and stand up with shaky legs and puffy eyes
"You out of all don't have any right to scream at me Jungkook. I should be the one yelling and screaming. I know it's your dream, I was there with you at every step of your career, and I saw you struggle and grow with my own eyes. And does this look silly to you Jungkook? You practically cheated on me and is that silly to you? Were you and your management so desperate to win a medal by doing all this disgusting stuff? I want to know if you ever wanted to tell me about you doing this behind my back?"
"I am in this damn field for more than 8 years Jimin and I know how it works. Not everyone is as rich as you to buy anything and everything they want. People need to lose something to achieve something. I accept I did a mistake but it's not like I stopped caring about you or stop making love to you. I had my reasons, I was so so desperate to enter the Formula 1 racing track. You will understand when you strive hard for something for years and still you are denied because of your status. And this struggle you will never know Jimin, you got everything on a freaking golden plate from your birth. You will never understand"
"Are you implying I didn't work my way up here? This is not the issue Jungkook, I never ever showed any difference between us. I would have not loved you if all societal norms were in my head. When and why did it start? And just to make you understand Kook, making love is not equal to loving someone. Anyone man can fuck around but that doesn't mean you love all of them. I understand you were desperate to excel in your career but you could have told me, we would figure something out. I am your husband Jungkook, you can rely on me and I would do my all to help you. Why did you choose t-this way Gguk-ah?"
Jungkook breaks eye contact as Jimin stumbles on his foot and his body shivers with all the yelling. His voice barely comes out with the number of sobs racking his thin body. The truth is so hard to digest, it's painful to think that his husband is so intimate with someone when it is supposed to be reserved only for him. Those tattooed arms grip his waist lovingly as Jungkook whispers sweet words into his ear with every thrust. His lips dance over Jimin's delicate neck as their bodies entwine with each other in the most intimate way possible. It hurts to think that his husband's lips dance with others for what? To make a place in the freaking industry.
"I didn't know it would go this far Jimin. I didn't want it to go this far too, do you think I was happy to do all that stuff with someone other than you? I was not able to meet your eye when you so lovingly asked me about my practice and my day. I couldn't eat a spoon when you cooked the meals. I felt so disgusted and pathetic to even touch you with these hands remembering all those filthy scenarios in my brain. I don't have any other option Jimin, I need to sustain myself in this Industry. I need to make my way up in some way when my talent is not enough" Jungkook voices out eyes brimming with unshed tears and hand reaching out to cup his husband's face
"You should have opened up to me Jungkook. Do you realize how agonizing it is to watch your own husband with naked eyes kiss someone on national television? I was frozen kook, my body shook when I witnessed you smiling with some random lady on the podium taking your medal. I was in the dark and Yoongi was announcing your relationship and you just nodded to everything with a smile. I wanted to run out of that place the moment I saw your arms encircle her waist so tenderly. I couldn't breathe Jungkook-ah, I c-can't imagine someone in my place beside you. Please stop it Jungkook, I can't take this anymore. We will find something out, we will pay how much ever they want. I will help you please leave it Gguk-ah" Jimin cries clutching his chest
"I can't Jimin, I can't. After all this, I just can't go back to being anything. Everything I have now will be broken down to shreds. It's hard for me too Min, but I want to race. I can't leave this in halfway"
"Are you saying you will continue meeting her? Tell them you are married for god's sake Jungkook"
Jimin screams louder than ever, his patience and sanity hanging on a thin wire eyeing his husband's crying figure. How can Jungkook say to his face that he can't stop meeting her straight to his face? His heart twitches with pain as his grip tightens around the wooden chair to stabilize himself from collapsing. His head is pounding with intense pain and feels as if blood will seep out from his eyes if he keeps them open for long.
"I fucking can't Jimin. My career is everything I have. Why can't you get this into your thick skull that I will not put my career on stake revealing that I am married to a man and someone like you?"
Jungkook regrets every word he let out as Jimin collapses with a thud on the carpeted floor, his eyes void of any emotions staring back at Jungkook with trembling pale lips. He rushes to hold his tiny husband causing the latter to scoot away drawing his knees close to his chest
"What d-do you mean by someone like me Jungkook?" His voice is so low and hoarse as another wave of pain washes over Jungkook
"Jimin, I didn't mean it that way. I am so sorry, Jimin I-"
"What do you mean Gguk? Is she making you feel much more pleasurable than me?" It comes out way more stern and low
Jungkook hates himself for the way his mind and body take control of his heart. His actions are the complete opposite and the words that roll out of his tongue seem to have a mind of their own. He feels somebody possessed him to act this way.
"Yes, she is. I can't stop this ever. My career is the most important and I am going to do every fucking thing that is needed to protect it. Do you get it? I can't and I won't reveal shamelessly that I am married to a scientist who has anxiety attacks so often and he is so damn weak he can't understand anything. I can't reveal I am stuck to a man who is so self-centered and damn clingy every time without any remorse"
Both of them freeze in their place as soon as the words Jungkook's mouth. Jungkook stares at Jimin who is trembling so hard under his vicious gaze and venomous words. What had he done?
Jimin's body goes into autopilot as he stands on his shivering legs staring at Jungkook with tears running down his chocolate orbs. He takes a step back, hands finding his keys on the wooden table
"Thank you f-for voicing out Jungkook-ah. I am so sorry for being b-born this way"
Jimin runs out of the door, out of the massive corridor, and out of the elevator panting hard. He steps into his car and starts the engine with shaky hands and labored breaths. He covers his ears with his palms digging his nails into the cheeks drawing a little blood, stopping the dangerous voices from echoing inside his ears. Tears burn his eyes and he lets out whimpers out of the pain. Jungkook's voice surrounds him as he makes himself much smaller in the seat trying to shield himself from someone he loves to death. The shirt over him feels so heavy restricting the airflow as he allows his body to slip into the state where he can dream about their loving relationship if it's possible anymore. Jimin falls on the steering wheel with a soft thud with voices resonating inside the car as his body goes numb and eyes flutter shut with all the pain and exhaustion
Self-centered. Clingy. Weak