Work Text:
Dan Heng stood at the bow of the Starskiff, with Caelus and March 7th behind him. They were on their way to complete the mission they’d been given by the General: to retrieve Blade. The other two didn’t, but he knew what was coming—who was coming. A past that was not his own, a person he no longer was, and someone he no longer loved (who he no longer knew, who no longer was ).
He would never say this to her because he knew how much her missing past hurt her—even though she hid it well, for the most part—but, sometimes, Dan Heng was jealous of March’s amnesia. No matter how much he wished, he couldn’t escape history or run away. He, in the hours of the night where sleep eluded him and waking nightmares filled his turns to take watch, felt more like prey than one of the Hunt. But Dan Heng was no coward. Pragmatic and cautious as he was, he was no stranger to the matters of bringing death and stealing life.
They look down, their vision fuzzy and distorted. Blood drips off of Cloud-Piercer, and as they turn their gaze in front of them, they see what they’ve done. What was once brilliant white hair is a black, scraggly mess. Something had wrong, the person realizes, horror rising as bile in their throat. Golden cracks marred the man’s—could he even still be called that?—handsome face. But what was most haunting were his eyes. Gone were the bright eyes filled with affection and mirth, shining in the moonlight as they drank together. They were now red and hard. Anger, betrayal, and pain swirled in them, still beautiful. But they could never look in them again after what they’d done, they’d never be allowed to. Never able to tell him—
Dan Heng shook his head to try and forget the alien memory. But he couldn’t, not as the memory stood in front of him now. When did we get off the Starrskiff? He wondered. Caelus and March 7th looked at him in equal parts concern and confusion, but he couldn’t bring himself to speak.
He hoped he wouldn’t regret that.
“You’re here~” The voice he never wishes to hear outside of his mind again called. It was a twisted version of the one he had always enjoyed, although he supposed Blade had no other target for the cold hate and wicked amusement it carried—he was the closest there was to Dan Feng. Blade began to cackle as he pulled out his sword, “It’s time to pay the price!”
Caelus and March 7th reacted quickly, drawing their weapons as well. “What are you talking about, Blade ?” March demanded. But Dan Heng put his hands out in front of the two. He wasn’t going to let them get caught up in this.
He couldn’t lose them, too.
But Blade ignored his companions, “You think changing forms will help you escape? Escape…”
“I have told you and that woman many times… I am Dan Heng.” He said simply, refusing to let any emotion show that could be used against him, “I have nothing to do with your past.”
Blade grew closer, his eyes glittering with years of resentment. “Dan Heng, you think another name and face can blot out the sin of your past? You… you didn’t even experience death… I will force this suffering upon you, ‘Dan Heng’ , you will know the pain of death!”
Dan Heng hazarded a look behind him. Caelus looked intense as they always did before battle, as smoldering as the lance they now wielded, but he couldn’t miss the quizzical look on their face as they tried to put together the full picture. March looked perturbed, but it didn’t phase her, “Not on our watch!” she warned, aiming an arrow at Blade’s throat.
But Blade just sneered. “ Trailblazers . Have you never been taught to choose your battles wisely rather than jumping into them?” Kafka laughed softly behind him.
Blade lunged, hissing, “Quit hiding!” at Dan Heng as he lept. Dan Heng pulled out Cloud-Piercer and began parrying his attacks. He knew it was risky, but he didn’t fight back. If I hurt you again, it’ll only prove what you already believe about me , he thought. It was in that moment of hesitation, as he realized the true punishment he’d taken without complaint wasn’t the reincarnation or the banishment from his home— a home that doesn’t belong to you , a voice that sounded like Blade’s echoed—but this , that he lost his grip on his spear. He fell backward hard, watching with wide eyes as Cloud-Piercer clattered uselessly to the ground. “Your true self, reveal it!” Blade glowered, towering over Dan Heng’s prone form.
“Stop!” Came March 7th’s cry, as a barrage of arrows targeted Blade. Caelus darted in between Dan Heng and Blade, a truly terrifying look on their face, pushing Blade back. But neither of his companions was a match for the living weapon that Blade had become—forged by the Imbibitor Lunae, the traitor who destroyed their home; sharpened by Kafka’s whispers and manipulation; and polished with disdain for the careful distance Dan Heng kept, the gaping wound that Blade couldn’t heal. Blade easily danced around Caelus’s defensive swipes and slashed through March’s arrows with the annoyance most would have when swatting at flies. Dan Heng rose, trying to call out to his crewmates, but it was too late. Blade threw his sword, grazing March’s face, leaving behind a sliver of red welling on her cheek. But Blade never missed his target. It sunk deep into Dan Heng’s chest, sharp, but dulled by the terror he felt, for the pain he yet again had brought on someone close, and something else . The last thing he saw before his vision exploded with painfully bright, dazzling bursts of light was March 7th’s tears and Caelus’s hand moving to her shoulder, their expression shifting to pure hatred as they glared at Blade.
Dan Heng felt like he couldn’t breathe, and not from the wound that should be fatal. Water enveloped him and he felt like he was drowning. He wished he was drowning. He cried out (although no sound was actually made) as horns broke through the skin on his scalp. His legs, arms, and torso lengthened, a disturbing sensation that made him want to vomit. His hair rapidly grew, ghosting his skin in a way he had not felt in a long time, its unfamiliarity maddening as it touched him.
His ears, now sharper than ever (physically and metaphorically) could just make out the words being said beyond the roar of the waves. “I have news for you, friends ,” Blade taunted, “Behind you is none other… than the traitor of the Xianzhou! A criminal, forever banished! The high elder of the Vidyadhara, Imbibitor Lunae.”
The water receded, and Dan Heng found himself hovering above the group on a lily. He glared at Blade, feeling nothing but contempt at being forced into this body.
March and Caelus looked up, and Dan Heng wished he could disappear. Their faces carried so much fear and confusion. But there was something else—
He couldn’t place what it was, as Kafka, who had been standing to the side, uncharacteristically quiet, laughed. With two shots of her gun, March 7th and Caelus turned dazed and emotionless. She’d Dominated them. And now, he faced his worst fear, as the two people he’d come to love most turned their weapons on him. Six-Phased Ice swirled around March as she rose in the air. Despite the circumstances, Dan Heng couldn’t help but find her beautiful as her hair billowed in the cold wind. Caelus, too, rose in the air, embers flickering around them as their skin glowed softly with warmth and flames danced in their irises. They were breathtaking. But both of them looked at Dan Heng with an indifference and unfamiliarity that broke his heart.
“I have no interest in stoking conflict,” he said, trying to help them recognize him with the phrase they always teased him for saying. Yet their faces remained blank. March summoned a fan of arrows aimed at him, and the air around Caelus crackled as they formed a fiery shield. Dan Heng tried to break through the shield with his water, but it didn’t seem to do much.
Blade laughed, “Better. But I’m afraid you won’t get through to your friends. They’re caught in their own bitter struggle. Should we make things interesting, Kafka?”
The woman in question spoke, “Unleash the mara, Bladie.”
Bladie? Their relationship is more twisted than I thought , Dan Heng thought, disturbed, though he was preoccupied with the white-hot anger boiling through his veins at what Blade had said about his companions.
Blade’s crumbling sword began to change form, and he slashed through some of March’s arrows. What are they playing at? Dan Heng wondered. But the remainder of the projectiles turned on their attacker, and Dan Heng realized the answer to his question: Blade got stronger the more he was hurt.
.
Caelus recast their shield, this time over March 7th, before Blade’s flurry could reach the girl. Dan Heng couldn’t help but smile. Even under Kafka’s Domination, they still looked out for her.
He then realized what he had to do. But first, he had to trick Blade.
Dan Heng released a meager attack against March’s new flight of arrows. “What’s wrong, afraid to hurt the boy?” Blade goaded.
Dan Heng began to summon more power, water swirling around him as Blade was suddenly under fire from March. You said the wrong thing , he thought with satisfaction. Even under Kafka’s control, March wouldn’t let anyone misgender either of them. It was the one thing she was always willing to cause a problem about, and had almost derailed entire missions before. Caelus had a naturally strong will that resisted the full effects of Kafka’s powers—that’s why they hadn’t attacked him yet, Dan Heng realized—but March wasn’t a pushover either. Especially when it came to the newest addition to the crew.
Better make this quick , he thought, knowing he didn’t have much time before Blade would regain his footing. Dang Heng sighed to himself. “I didn’t wish to harm anyone… but there’s no other way. Forgive me.”
Suddenly, a dragon made of pure, rushing water swept around them. Kafka and Blade, who weren’t expecting it, had no way to counter the gnashing beast surrounding them. Caelus and March 7th fell to the ground unceremoniously as Kafka’s concentration broke, but Caelus’s shield protected them, both from the dragon and the fall. Dan Heng could hear hissing as his water evaporated upon contact with the shield and watched with relief as Caelus held March 7th close.
Approaching from in front of where their confrontation had taken place came the General, Jing Yuan, and his apprentice, a boy named Yanqing. Jing Yuan addressed Dan Heng and Blade in his usual calm, bemused manner, "Many years have passed since the two of you departed the Xianzhou, and yet the circumstances of your return appear to be equally unhappy. If you still thought of me as a friend, you should've forewarned me.”
“My task is complete,” Blade said.
Jing Yuan replied, his easy, knowing smile still on his face, “Mm, that it is.” He turned to Kafka, “Thank you for assisting the Xianzhou in this small matter. Take this person away—I’ll pretend I didn’t see anything this time.”
Yanqing began to speak in protest but was silenced by a look from his mentor as he let the Stellaron Hunters swagger away.
Jing Yuan turned again to Dan Heng, “It’s been a long time… old friend.”
Several people spoke at once. “Can someone explain what’s going on?” March asked, exasperated. “I’m not him,” came Dan Heng's tired correction. And Yanqing objected with, “You’re just going to let them get away?”
Jing Yuan answered all three with, “I suppose I should let our trailblazers talk, and explain a few things to you alone as well, Yanqing. We haven’t much time before we need to leave for Scalegorge Waterscape—as the General of Lofou, it would be foolish of me not to ask for all of your strength at this critical moment—”
March 7th interrupted, “I still want to help, but it should be Dan Heng’s decision—you, you are Dan Heng, right?” she turned to face him, and he got to see the emotion he’d missed before Kafka’s interference: hope . Caelus, too, seemed to be looking for reassurance of the same thing. Despite their silence, the question was obvious.
Did we lose our Dan Heng?
He felt wetness on his face, not from his newly gained powers, but tears. He looked away, not wanting to let them see him like this.
But is that such a bad thing? He asked himself. They didn’t look at him like the eyes in his nightmares, there was no fear, betrayal, or pain. There wasn’t the disgust he held for himself in this body. Just… just what he hadn’t seen since all those years ago. Love .
Finally, he trusted himself to speak. What seemed like unending silence to him had only been a few beats. “It’s—a long story March. It’s me.”
And with that, all the apprehension was wiped from their faces. Caelus, although still quiet, pulled the other two into a hug, and Dan Heng could feel their relief in the silent laugh that shook their firm, sturdy shoulders.
Dan Heng wished they could stay like that forever, but alas, there was still the matter at hand. Dan Heng knew that he could walk away, return to the express with March and Caelus and never see what once was his home ever again, and they’d let him. Jing Yuan would certainly be disappointed but would understand, and his companions wouldn’t think any less of him.
But yet, there was something tethering him here. A past that he had disavowed, yet was undeniably intertwined. A future that he wished to pursue. And a present that was unraveling at the seams. He couldn’t keep it all a secret anymore, and he knew that March 7th and Caelus deserved better, deserved the truth.
As they eventually broke apart, March and Caelus stuck out their hands, both showing their decision to continue with the mission and asking a silent question: Together?
Dan Heng hesitated for a second, there’d be no turning back now, but he didn’t change his mind. He stuck out his hand.
“Thank you, Dan Heng,” the General said.
Dang Heng harrumphed in reply, “As a descendant of the Vidyadhara, I will fulfill my duty to the Lofou.” He kept his other musings to himself, How I am still one of the Nameless? I stand here at the mercy of others without true freedom to speak. My body is no longer mine, and my identity is called into question, confused with someone whose sins have long since been cleansed by the ancient sea.
“And we thank you for that. Now, rest up, we’ll reconvene in about two hours, is that enough time?” The three outworlders nodded in assent. “Good. Oh, and Dan Heng, I’m glad to see you’ve finally begun to understand what I said to you all those years ago.” Jing Yuan noted with a knowing smile before turning away from the group, Yanqing trailing behind him.
A memory flashed in Dan Heng’s mind.
Footsteps echo down the hall outside of the cold cell, growing louder as the visitor approaches. The person in the cell, weakened and shackled, barely turns their head to see who it was as they sit against the wall.
“Dan Feng?”
“What do you want, General?” They say dryly. They knew Jing Yuan wouldn’t change his mind, wouldn’t break the law to save an old friend, so why was he here? What was he scheming to do?
Yet the man doesn’t seem bothered by the lack of familiarity. He just smiles—he nearly always does—as he speaks, “Can I not stop by to speak with my friend and colleague, Imbibitor Lunae?”
“You may do whatever you please. Whether or not I care to listen is another matter.”
“Yet you keep responding to me. You always have to get the last word in.”
They roll their eyes. The General continues to speak, “I don’t blame you, Dan Feng, for what happened to Yingxing—”
“Yingxing is dead,” the prisoner interjects coldly, “The monster that I created in his place is nothing like him.”
“That’s a harsh way to talk about your lover, is it not?”
They shake their head. “If I loved him, I would’ve respected his wishes. I was selfish, and performed the forbidden act, dooming everyone else in the process. And yet, I do not feel remorse. Only anger at myself for committing such a thoughtless mistake. Tell me, General, is that someone who can feel love?”
“Love makes fools of us all, Dan Feng. It is the misfortune of those of our stature that we cannot afford to love so freely, as the consequences of our foolishness are much greater than ourselves. But promise me, Dan Feng, as once last favor for your oldest friend, that in your next life, you remember this: ‘It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live.’ We who live such long lives often lose perspective of the moment at hand, it is our greatest weakness.”
“You know as well as I do, General, that the Vidyadhara do not remember their old selves in their new lives.”
“Perhaps.” Jing Yuan’s eyes twinkled. “But try nonetheless, will you?”
Dan Heng blinked as the memory faded. Jing Yuan’s words didn’t make sense in the memory, and he wasn’t sure what they meant now. But he had a feeling the two looking at him could help.
“So…” March 7th began awkwardly, “What’s with the horns?”
And so Dan Heng began to explain the long story of Dan Feng, Imbibitor Lunae, the High Elder. It was strange, how he struggled to find the right words, well-spoken as he normally was. He detailed all he could remember. The bond Dan Feng had with Yingxing. The failed immortality ritual that had brought them before an entity that could only be the Nameless. How the Lofou had almost fallen to the Abundance. Imprisonment. Jing Yuan’s strange words. Reincarnation. The powers of Lan, the Reignbow Arbiter, a cruel joke of a punishment, that Dan Heng must fight against the very thing he was and had done: rebirth, undeath. The Nameless’s claim still on him, leading him to the Express. How his new body was different, how he no longer felt at home in this old one. He told them both of his early days on the Express, waking up in cold sweats on the futon he’d been given the Archives, refusing to accept a bedroom of his own. Cutting off the long ponytail his new form had worn in a panic one late night. Caelus and March listened patiently, March holding his hand and rubbing circles over his thumb comfortingly as they sat together and Caelus’s hand on his shoulder as they stood beside, listening intently, no doubt reminded of their own discomfort with the identity Kafka had chosen for them.
“The Vidyadhara are not like normal humans, even the Foxians and the people of Lofou. Our anatomy and biology are different, as we carry the ability to be reborn into any form. But I am Dan Heng, not Imbibitor Lunae, this body is no longer mine. I am torn between two Paths, the one I seek for myself, and the ones the Aeons have put me on, as the consequences of the actions of the High Elder,” he finished explaining.
There was a comfortable silence as they took in all he had said. Caelus, for the first time since the meeting with Blade and Kafka, spoke, “We’ve led similar paths, Dan Heng. I am not Stelle, the girl Kafka brought to life with the Stellaron. And Nanook and Qlipoth have both called me. When I met Qlipoth, during the battle with Cocolia, it felt very similar to how you described your encounter.” They punctuated their observation with a shrug, as if it were a simple matter.
March 7th was more somber, a rare sight on the usually cheerful girl, “I haven’t experienced the same things you two have, I have no past. Nothing tying me down anywhere, I’m free to choose my own Path. I never realized how lucky that makes me. I’ve always believed that your Path reflects what your heart really wants, deep down inside. And… and I hope that that is the same Path, for all of us.” She buried her head into Dan Heng’s shoulder, stifling tears.
“Oh, March,” He said softly. “I don’t know what the future holds, but I’ll gladly follow you both wherever you lead.” He felt Caelus stroking March’s pink hair, letting her know it’d be okay.
“You will?” She asked, looking up at him again.
“I will. Can I prove it to you?”
March 7th nodded, confused, but trusting. Dan Heng leaned down and softly placed his lips on her forehead. He then looked over at Caelus as March blushed, realizing what had happened and what it meant. The other Trailblazer nodded and sat down so Dang Heng could put another kiss on their cheek.
There was one thing about the Vidyadhara that Dan Heng hadn’t told them. As dragon people, they were extremely protective of what they valued the most, willing to battle even with the Aeons to keep it. That was what had driven Dan Feng to make Yingxing immortal, to go against their beloved’s will to keep them. But Dan Heng wasn’t Dan Feng. Caelus and March were his, certainly, and he would do anything to protect them, but he would never put them through what Blade had gone through.
Maybe that’s what Jing Yuan meant, the man was too cryptic for his own good. But he didn’t really care, there were things more important than the General right now.
They stayed like that, pressed together, wondering how they would go forward together. Listening to the waves of the sea crash against the stone around them. After some time, Caelus spoke again, amusement in their voice, “Well, I think Pom Pom and Mr. Yang will owe Himeko a lot of money when we all get back to the Express.”
March 7th giggled, and Dan Heng couldn’t help but laugh himself. They were ridiculous, but he loved both of them.
Maybe I didn’t lose my home, he thought, feeling warm and soft even in the oppressive grey fog around them. Maybe I just found two more .