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They were eating dinner when the floor opened up around them.
“Do you want to make a contract?”
Aki looked at Angel with a level of disbelief. Not because he was strongly against the idea - he knew enough about contracts and more about Angel to know it might be a good idea - but because it came out of nowhere, and he hadn’t had the weight of contracts in so long that it felt like a dull, old ache suddenly splitting open.
Needless to say, the meal was forgotten about.
“Depends,” he answered, slowly. “What are the terms?” He didn’t need to use Angel’s power to fight, so this would be for something other than strength.
“First off: you get access to my years.” Angel was focused, looking at him across the table as he explained his plan (which he’d clearly been thinking about for a while) in a burst of confidence. “Basically, as long as I’m alive, you’re alive. I’d still have the ability to take someone’s years. If I ever did that again. Which I don’t exactly plan to. But you’d get a full, stagnant lifespan, like me.”
This was more than tempting; this was life-saving. Aki was more than aware of the fact that fate seemingly moves for nobody. Now that Makima was gone and they weren’t fighting Devils, he wasn’t sure what would take him out. Keeping a mental countdown to his eventual heart attack or whatever at age twenty four was an insane thing for him to do, but he was used to it. This would change everything.
A dot connected in his brain a second later than it should’ve been that this was such an intentional conversation on Angel’s end.
He’d been living with him for months at this point. They kept their (literally) safe distance, understanding that their arrangement was one of survival. They had to get out, and get out they did. Even now, despite being let off the hook for their disappearance, they thought nothing of the little arrangement.
It surprised him more than it should’ve that Angel was doing all of this because he very much wanted him to live.
“And… what do you get?”
This is where Angel faltered. His eyes strayed, and he paused for just long enough that Aki noticed.
Painfully aware of how bad he was at emotional conversations, Aki still moved his chair around the table, so they were sitting next to each other rather than across. Not too close, but… closer.
“Angel, what do you get on your side of the contract?” He asked again, quieter.
“Do you know how contracts work?” Angel asked, not answering the question but hopefully leading into it.
“I’ve made a bunch, I think I know what I’m doing.”
“No, not like that. I mean on the Devil’s end.”
“Oh. I guess not then?”
“So the Devil is the one who makes up the contract, obviously. There are some set of rules that let the connection that you get from true contracts actually work . I have no clue who decides this. As far as I know, all contracts follow basically every rule.
“The important one to this explanation is that both parties have to gain something, either right away or in the long run. My idea bends the rules a tiny bit, because what I’m getting is a natural consequence of you taking my years. I’d get it regardless. Maybe.”
Aki was totally lost. “Maybe?”
“Well, I guess, in a literal sense, I’d get it regardless, but it should be something that’s bargained for. And I don’t want to make that a condition if you don’t want it.”
Getting his memories back made him quick to fluster. Months of reckoning with a lot of what happened to him made him more anxious, emotive, quick to explain too much into things. He seemed to care about this, and cared about Aki’s thoughts going into it, even if it made him a bit of a nervous wreck when needing to talk about important things.
“Please, just tell me. I’ll be able to make up my mind if I know.”
Angel took a deep breath, and finally just said the word.
“Touch. That’s what I’d get. You get your life back and I get to touch someone without killing them.”
Oh. That makes sense, actually.
Before Aki could reply, Angel kept going. “I’d get that anyways. You’d have no lifespan for me to drain if you’re using mine. It’d be like touching my own arm. But I need to get something on my end, and despite the contract, you being in my life isn’t actually guaranteed. You could accept the terms and immediately leave. I’d be okay with that. I want you to have a full life. But I also want to be in that life,”
He faded out, flushing as he realised that he said way more than he meant to. His eyes moved up to Aki’s, and he knew he needed to not think, or let Angel think too hard. He just needed to answer.
He nodded, and that was that.
*
The next day, they had moved to the living room floor, with furniture pushed around to try to get as much space as physically possible. As per Angel’s instructions, they were sitting on the floor, facing each other.
“Remember how I said there are specific rules for contracts on the Devil side of things?” Aki nodded.
“Would you like to know a fun fact that most Devils won’t tell you?” Aki nodded again.
“Basically all contracts operate at a loss to Devils, at least in the beginning. Flesh gives strength, and souls are really powerful things. Lifespans are also really valuable, obviously. But when Devils bargain, it’s with a long-term goal in mind. You benefit immediately, we benefit months from now. It’s just part of the investment.”
“That makes sense, but why are you telling me this?”
“Because there’s another rule. I don’t know if it’s official, I’ve never heard about it being done any other way and really don’t want to try it now. But the rule is that the one working at a loss is the one to commit to the contract. It's insurance that the person with the most to lose is also okay with it. My point is that you’d have to be the one to start this.”
Aki noticed him start to shut down again. Whatever he was leading to, it was the hard part.
"Okay, so how would I do that?"
“You need to give me the rest of your time. I can take it from there. I swear I’ll make sure you’re okay. But I need it.”
Aki could tell Angel hated having to ask this. He knew his situation well enough to know that he never planned to take someone’s lifespan ever again if possible. Let alone someone he knew. Let alone -
“You can back out,” Angel cut into his train of thought.
“No, it’s not like that, I was just thinking. I… I want to do this. It’s a good idea. It’s just something I need to lead myself into.”
Angel nodded, getting ready to stand, to not do this today, to move on with his life and the inherently finite countdown. But Aki beat him to it, jumping up to his feet, running across the room, and getting the gloves that have followed them from Aki’s apartment, through the escape mission they became key in pulling off. They hadn’t been used in a while, but they still fit him perfectly well. He sat back down, showing his gloved hands. Angel gave him a confused look. “What are you doing?”
“Leading myself into this. I don’t know how long it could take, but let’s try, at least.”
He still looked confused. “Okay, we can practise with gloves, if you want-”
“You first,” Aki said immediately, without thinking. A flush creeped up Angel’s cheeks, and Aki was sure he joined in once he noticed what he said.
Before he could explain his reasoning (and he did have one: he wanted Angel to be comfortable touching him at all without immediately thinking he was going to kill him), Angel crossed the distance, taking his gloved hand in his own. The surprise sent chills down his spine.
It was a boldness he never expected from Angel even before he got his memories back. The truth of his situation changed so much about him, but he always kept to himself. This was new. But Aki didn’t necessarily mind.
And then he noticed that Angel was pressing circles into the soft leather, hard enough for it to not feel like he was just playing with the material. He was looking at it very intently, putting all of his focus into a task that could very well have been mindless. Aki was looking at him, and he was very clearly trying to avoid who was wearing this glove - who was attached to the hand he was holding. Other than that, his expression was unreadable.
Aki let him do it, not quite relaxing into the touch as he was keeping himself still and malleable to it. In the back of his head, he enjoyed the pressure, and wasn’t sure when he had last felt something like it. He became aware of the hand wrapped around the side of his; the shape and surprising hardness of the pad of his thumb pressing down; each individual finger’s place against the back of his hand. The weighty presence of another person, across from him, being responsible for these feelings, also added significantly to the experience. Even if it wasn’t Angel, but rather a very pretty person he had met and immediately trusted at saved you from a violent manipulator levels.
Eventually, Aki’s legs were asleep, the circles had faded into a constant presence, and Angel spoke for the first time since starting this exercise.
“Do you want to get something to eat?”
Aki nodded.
*
After breaking the tension and finishing their meal, the conversation naturally came back to the contract.
“I’d need to be the one starting it, though,” Aki said, nonchalantly, because he knew he’d have to be. “Familiarity is a good idea, but it only gets us so far.”
Angel said nothing, just nodding to show he was listening. He’d been unreadable since earlier, which was consistent for him, at least.
More than anything, Aki was becoming increasingly aware of how much he wanted this contract to work. That feeling in his stomach never went away, but something in him wanted to keep going anyways.
They were sitting on the couch they had found from the closest neighbour who was getting rid of one. Aki’s gloves were on the table in front of them, taken off in a split moment’s realisation before eating. Just as casually as before, he took the gloves off the table and set them down next to Angel, who pulled them on silently. Everything was quiet. Aki knew this was his move to make, and he wasn’t sure what it was that was holding him back.
He knew he must’ve moved his hand, if barely an inch towards the gloved ones next to him, but a wall kept building higher and higher as he got closer. All he could feel was the rising anxiety in his gut, always winning the race and getting to his throat, his brain, his fingertips before he could even be aware that it was happening. For all he knew an hour had passed.
His brain and eyes still overcast, he wasn’t even thinking straight when he did the one thing he’d never do if everything was clear: he spoke.
“I’m not used to this.”
“Most people aren't,” replied Angel quietly. A tiny bit of sarcasm edged his voice, which broke the tension at least, despite the misunderstanding.
“No, not like that. I mean that I’m not used to this, in general. Emotions and stuff. I really want this to work, and I know you wouldn’t hurt me. But-”
“But it’s hard to start,” Angel finished. Aki nodded. The feeling rose, settling in his throat and making it impossible to swallow, talk, move. Instead, he reached over, putting the gloved hands in his own, feeling how big they are on Angel’s hands, the fingertips bending to account for how small the wearer’s hands were. The image of Angel wearing Aki’s gloves was well known to both of them, but never stopped being amusing.
He was familiar with the feeling of the leather, so he redirected his attention.
He was holding not just a glove but a hand in a glove, connected to an arm, shoulder, and so on and that led to the face of the person sitting next to him. He squeezed a little, and felt the solidness of that hand, and made himself be mindful of every detail of how that felt. He wondered what the glove was hiding from him, and fought his thoughts wandering to the future, or the past. Not important. He needed to focus on right this second, squeezing Angel’s hand and being aware that he is right in front of him, something that can be seen and felt and -
Angel pulled his hand away. Aki immediately looked at him, and he explained before he could ask, his voice quiet and eyes a little distant.
“You were crushing my hand”
“Oh, sorry. I guess my thoughts got away from me.”
They sat in silence for a minute that felt like four hours. Okay, the original plan didn’t work. A creeping awkwardness started to appear, which made Aki aware of a time limit, if not in Angel’s mind than in his own. Eventually, he’d back out. He’d go to bed and forget this ever happened and they’d enter the normalcy that they’ve managed over the past few months.
Wake up, eat, occasionally get supplies. Stay home. Go for walks. Exist, 99% of the time in the same room.
It was nice, but he couldn’t just let it go back to that.
Without thinking, his hand went to Angel’s.
The anxiety was still there, but with it came a newfound right-ness . His mind unscrambled and that’s the word he settled on: this felt right. The danger doesn’t exist. It’s not there, not just from the glove but from Angel.
Meanwhile, Angel froze from the sudden touch. He was first unreadable, but continued to be still even as he thawed. Aki looked in the corner of his eye as he had a delayed shock, then something softened. He wasn’t intentional with the touch like he was last time. He just did it, and it felt good and proper and the irrational part of him that tunnelvisioned into the thrill and feeling of this exact moment wondered why they hadn’t thought to break out the gloves and do this before now. Further back, everything else in him screamed.
Eventually, Angel wriggled his hand out of Aki’s. There was nothing at the front of Aki’s mind save for a gentle curiosity. He refused to poke the parts further back.
“Can we talk about this again tomorrow? I want to go to bed.”
Immediately, Aki nodded, and Angel turned to leave. He was so tempted to reach out again, take gloved hand in his own, keep him here. But he knew better. So he let the devil go, and slept on the couch because he desperately did not want to move.
*
He woke up to Angel gently nudging him awake. His eyes betrayed his surprise at him not going to bed, but he didn’t comment on it. “Scoot,” he ordered lightly, and Aki sat up to give him room.
“Do you still want to do this?” Aki asked before Angel had the chance to talk.
“Yes,” Angel answered after a long pause. Aki nodded, noticing that the gloves were nowhere to be found, and neither of them seemed quick to go look.
“Do you?” Angel spoke up again. His voice was a little strained.
“I want to get closer to you. Even if it’s scary, and even if I have to risk my whole life to do it. I trust you. I want to do it.”
Angel sighed a little, nodded a millimetre, and the tension in the room built. Who would take the first step?
In the end, they turned to each other at the same time. Angel began to lift a hand, but Aki beat him altogether. His arms and hands wrapped around Angel’s clothed shoulders meant nothing, really. The only thing the contract cared about was his forehead, gently touching Angel’s as he nearly pushed him over with the force of the hug.
Aki could feel Angel’s breath, smell the sleep on his skin, feel warmth, feel safe, feel tired.
So tired.
Before he knew it, he was falling asleep again, just this time against the weight and presence of someone else. He’d never felt that before. It felt nice. It felt terrifying.
He was sure part of his brain was on fire with that realisation: you’re dying. It’s finally happening. Everything you worked for was leading to this. Look at you, you didn’t even get the Gun Devil. He didn’t care as much as he thought he would.
Try as he might, he just could not keep his eyes open.
*
He’s nine years old, in the only car he’s ever known. They’re on the tail end of a road trip, he and his little brother sitting in a cramped, cluttered back seat as his parents sit in the front. They’re driving in a nebulous night, unaware of the time, the road, how close they are to home.
He’s so sleepy. It’s way past his bedtime, but this is a vacation, so it’s okay. But the excitement has worn on him, and he just wants to sleep.
Just as he starts to doze, he feels the movement slow, hears first a trunk open, then two car doors. A light turns on, visible behind his eyelids. He knows this means the driving is all done, but he still wants to sleep.
He hears a door open next to him, keeping his eyes shut as he feels the cool air break into the stuffy car. He hears a gentle, breathy laugh, as strong arms reach around him, picking him up and carrying him from the car to wherever he is going next. He embraces it, letting himself get heavier, letting something else support his weight for a while, letting himself finally get some sleep.
It’s past his bedtime, and he is so terribly tired.
*
“Aki?”
He woke through tears in his eyes, mind still stuck in the feeling of being a kid, of letting somebody else take control for just a moment and trusting that they would lead you to bed.
Instead, he was still on the couch, in the tiny place he called home for months, with Angel looking down at him. It took some mental reorganisation for him to remember what happened at all, working his way backwards from here to when he was nine, in that car, filling in those gaps all at once.
He got up slowly, trying his best to make sure the world didn't spin. When it doesn't, and more dots connect, and he realises what he actually did, in the name of saving himself, he can do nothing else but reach out and hug Angel again. He held him even tighter than before, not even thinking anything of the touch. Angel supported the weight, quietly yet gladly, feeling soft skin under his arms and gaining a swell of freedom. It was so strong that he teared up too, until they were both sitting on their living room couch, hugging and crying and being so sure of how right this finally is.