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“But!”
“No buts!”
Dazai sighs with extreme gestures, prompting Atsushi to roll his eyes at his silly boyfriend.
“Look, it’s just… I don’t like it when people around keep staring as if it’s any of their business.” Atsushi sighs and attempts a smile. “Just for this final year.”
“Why the sudden change? We’ve been hugging and making out anywhere for the past, what, six years?”
“Just for this final year.” Atsushi looks away and rubs an arm, “We’ll still go home together and everything. Please?”
Dazai pouts and crosses his arms, turning his head away. He loves to show his boyfriend all his affection whenever, wherever, and whoever is looking. In the first years of their relationship, Atsushi doesn’t mind as much, but now in their senior year in university, he decides they should stop publicly displaying their affection.
To further convince Dazai, Atsushi copies his mannerisms with a brighter expression. “I’ll give you lots of hugs after school.”
“...And?” Dazai mumbles, imploring Atsushi to add more for him to agree.
After a little giggle, Atsushi says, “I’ll give you lots and lots of hugs after school for the entire year.”
Dazai’s pout retracts. “Just hugs?”
“Fine. Hugs and kisses.”
“Deal!” Dazai gives him a thumbs-up, his eyes sparkling and expression brightening up. Then, his smile turns into a goofy one as his eyebrows go up and down. “I’m gonna gobble you up after your graduation party for this, kitten.”
Laughing, Atsushi waves a hand and jokingly pokes Dazai’s forehead. “Whatever.”
“Um, excuse me.”
Before Dazai can say more, a girl Atsushi has never seen around before speaks right behind him. As part of the student council of the university as well as an officer of his program’s student organization, Atsushi recognizes everyone on campus. Except newcomers.
But other than that, Atsushi used to time travel in the past, making sure he wasn’t well-remembered by anyone he may meet in the present. And he often remembers the faces and voices of the people he’s interacted with.
Atsushi turns around and smiles warmly. “How can I help you?”
The girl is someone he remembers being the student council president in a high school he accidentally travels to. She helped him out when he got lost in the area back then. Now, it seems like fate brought them together, and things are now the other way around.
Except, she doesn’t seem to remember him anymore. Understandably so, as he used to wear a disguise whenever he time-traveled.
“I’m a freshman, and I got lost… I was supposed to meet with my friends somewhere.” She looks around worriedly, then back at Atsushi. “I’m told students with an armband can help me out…”
“Ah.” Atsushi glances at his student council membership armband on his upper arm, then nods. “Yes. I still have time to spare. I’ll go with you.”
“Thank you very much! Um…?”
“Nakajima Atsushi,” Atsushi says. “A senior.”
“Nakajima senpai!” She voices out in excitement. “I’m Rinno Moriko. Please don’t hesitate to call me Moriko!”
“Alright, Moriko-chan.”
Moriko looks over behind Atsushi, prompting him to turn around, too. He isn’t quite sure what it is, but something about Dazai’s expression and vibe suddenly seems odd.
“Dazai!”
Before Atsushi can introduce Dazai, another senior in glasses jogs toward them. It’s Ango, Dazai’s friend back in high school as well as his classmate and dorm roommate.
“Atsushi,” Ango greets with a nod that Atsushi returns. He holds Dazai’s arm and glares at him. “Have you forgotten we have morning classes? Atsushi?”
Atsushi nods, allowing Ango to take his boyfriend away.
“Thanks. Dazai, let’s go.”
Dazai groans and aims to give Atsushi one hug before going, but then the latter raises a brow at his spread-out arms. So he crosses his arms instead and pouts.
Atsushi smiles and waves. “I’ll see you later.” Then he turns to Moriko, watching Ango drag Dazai to their major’s building. “Where do you need to go, Moriko-chan?”
Moriko tells Atsushi the story of how she came to transfer to this school where her middle school besties went to in high school while on their way to the lobby where her three other freshmen girls await.
The two exchange numbers as Moriko asks if she can come to him for directions and other things next time. Meanwhile, on the other side of the university, Dazai sits behind Ango, head on a palm, eyes outside the windows, mind on the way the girl’s eyes sparkle with her and Atsushi’s interactions.
Dazai blows on his bangs and buries his head between his crossed arms on the table. It isn’t a big deal, and Atsushi has been nice to everyone, which makes him bright enough for both male and female students to find attractive. It isn’t anything new.
But it doesn’t change the way he feels somehow restrained because of their new setup as no PDA-ing for the rest of the school year. He wishes he could just grab Atsushi by the waist and take in his fresh and addictive scent and maybe peck or two.
The next day, Dazai sees Atsushi and Moriko walking side-by-side with smiles and laughers filling the air around them. Such a shining ray of sunshine, his boyfriend is. He captures people’s attention with his beautiful and kind eyes and the gentle atmosphere surrounding him.
For Atsushi’s sake of wanting to focus on their studies and graduate, Dazai attempts to fight off his desire to snatch Atsushi away and ruffle his hair until the silver locks tangle between his fingers. Instead, he jogs up to them.
“Atsushi-kun! Good morning!”
“Osamu-san.” Atsushi smiles. “Good morning!”
“Ah, hello, Dazai senpai!” Moriko bows as she greets.
“Wait, don’t you have classes at eight? It’s already quarter to nine, Osamu-san!” Atsushi scolds.
“Shh!” Dazai hisses, but before anything else, Ango appears and drags him away, exchanging thumbs-up fingers with Atsushi.
That same routine repeated for the next couple of weeks.
Dazai sees Atsushi with Moriko a lot, or even if not, Moriko often approaches Atsushi. Since they fall under the same department, they get to hang out more and relate more with their subjects, teachers, and activities.
Moriko sticking close to Atsushi these days adds nothing but mushy quantity to Dazai’s jar of jealousy. Atsushi does give him a hug and a kiss before they part ways in the dorms, as Dazai shares his dorm with Ango, and Atsushi shares his with someone else, but he feels the distance still.
Atsushi being distant has nothing to do with possibly cheating on Dazai whatsoever, he knows and trusts that much. Rather, it is due to the pressure of his different positions in organizations as well as the challenging era of senior year digging pressure on his back. That much, Dazai can tell when they walk home to the dorms together.
Still. Still, Dazai wishes he could have Atsushi more to himself or just have more freedom to show affection. But again, he sees to it that he respects the deal they both agreed on.
Months go by quickly, and their midterm requirements are in. Dazai is leaning on a wall in the cafeteria, and Ango and his other classmates sit close by as he watches time pass by on his phone.
Atsushi smiles at the gorgeous and casual sight of his boyfriend on the first floor, a sudden urge to express affection through kisses bugging him. He shakes it off and decides to come down from the second floor to greet him.
As he steps off the stairs, he sees some of his juniors nearby and decides to greet them as well, but his eyes drift to a familiar girl walking toward Dazai.
Since his juniors seem busy gossiping among themselves about something, Atsushi simply walks past them.
“If you’re looking for Atsushi-kun, he went to the professor’s office on the second floor just above.” Dazai points above where Atsushi used to be earlier.
“Ah, um, I was actually looking for you, Dazai senpai.”
“Why?”
Giggles from the side, Atsushi’s other juniors, as well as Moriko’s friends, poke fun at each other, their gazes ignoring Atsushi and focusing only on Moriko and Dazai.
“Nakajima senpai is really nice, so I kinda feel bad.” Hina sighs.
Jun shrugs. “Me too. I’ve been telling Moriko to stop using him to get close to his friend.”
Atsushi freezes.
“That handsome guy, right? Dazai Osamu senpai, was it?” Saya points subtly toward Dazai.
They continue to talk among themselves about how much Moriko has been sticking close to Atsushi in hopes of getting chances like this to talk to Dazai. Atsushi can’t tell what the irritating feeling inside him is. Whether it’s due to the fact someone likes his boyfriend and wants to be close to him or the part where Moriko only approached him in hopes of dating his boyfriend.
None of them know he’s Atsushi’s boyfriend, after all. He thinks it’s normal for girls to ask him about Dazai a lot, them included, as he is popular for his good looks and charming personality. Above all, it is a widely known fact in the university that Dazai and Atsushi are very close. Many of them know they are dating, but some are starting to believe otherwise since the two stopped being affectionate in public.
Even so, Atsushi still doesn’t want to just brag about Dazai being his boyfriend. It isn’t like Moriko has done anything; it isn’t like Dazai will reciprocate her feelings.
Yet, a persistent feeling of jealousy and betrayal seeps into Atsushi’s heart.
He shrugs it off as he and Dazai meet eyes. Atsushi gives a smile hiding his real feelings and thoughts, and runs toward them.
Knowing the truth now, Atsushi fights to control his feelings and voice before speaking.
“Hey there, Moriko-chan!”
“Nakajima senpai.” She bows lightly. “Good afternoon.”
“What’s up?”
“She’s asking for directions,” Dazai says casually, a soft expression on his face at the sight of his lover. “To the second library, right?”
“Mhm.” Moriko nods.
“I can take you there.” Atsushi offers.
Moriko looks like she wants to reject the offer, but then a ginger-haired, short guy slides in and tugs Atsushi’s arm.
“Atsushi!” Chuuya, Atsushi’s close friend and dorm roommate, calls. “I’ve been looking for you, dude.”
“Chuuya-san.” Atsushi looks at Dazai, then back at Chuuya, chuckling at the little glare between them. “Why were you looking for me?”
Dazai and Chuuya have been school rivals since their high school days. Despite this, they are actually good friends, and both have made an agreement to get along for Atsushi’s sake.
Chuuya rolls his eyes at Dazai and looks at Atsushi. “You said you’ll just talk to one of our professors. You were not there anymore when I got there. Turns out you’re hanging out with that fart again.”
Dazai stops leaning on the wall and throws a middle finger between him and Chuuya.
“You wanna fight, huh?” Chuuya yells, provoked.
“Chuuya-san, Osamu-san.” Atsushi glares at both of them, making them pout and turn their heads on opposite sides. With a sigh, Atsushi says, “My bad, Chuuya-san. Is it time for class?”
“You bet it is! Let’s go! I won’t sit in another class with no one to talk to!”
No choice, Atsushi waves and lets Chuuya drag him away.
Dazai smiles lightly. Despite Chuuya getting on his nerves, he’s grateful for him, as he always takes good care of Atsushi when Dazai isn’t around.
But since Atsushi got pulled away, Dazai is left with no choice but to accompany Moriko to her destination. Throughout the walk, Moriko is mostly quiet, but sometimes she will ask him things about his major, his interests, or his relationships. Dazai doesn’t mind. These are things he’s been asked countless times before by literally almost anybody.
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
That is one question he’s heard at least a thousand times. And, like always, he will answer truthfully.
“No.” He slips his hands into his hoodie’s pockets. “I don’t need one.”
“I’m sure you will at some point!”
Ignoring her statement, Dazai stops walking and turns around. “Here it is. I’ll be going now.”
Before she can stop him, he’s already gotten away.
-
The next few weeks have become a very busy one for both Dazai and Atsushi, especially Atsushi, due to exams. But they’ve recently agreed to go out for a date after their midterm exams.
Since that time he finds out Moriko’s real objective, he tries not to change how he treats them. But he doesn’t go with Moriko as much anymore, anyway, as he and Chuuya have been busy with their terms. Dazai, having fewer subjects to worry about, becomes the one Moriko often approaches in the past weeks.
On the way to his lockers, Atsushi hears his juniors, along with Moriko talking.
“Really? Are you sure he’s going to say yes?” Saya hisses.
Moriko cups her pinkish cheeks and gushes, “He might! He is really mysterious, and that piques my interest even more so. We hung out for some time these weeks, too, so…”
“You may have a chance!” Hina encourages. “We’ll be right behind to support you!”
Jun nods. “We’ll prepare the tissues.”
“Hey!” Moriko pouts.
“Just in case!”
And the four of them laugh together and continues to tease and poke at Moriko’s decision to finally ask Dazai out after the seniors’ midterm exams.
The metal of their lockers clamors, their footsteps and voices fading away.
Atsushi closes his locker with one deep breath as he whispers something to himself.
“PDA might not be such a bad thing, after all…” He mumbles, eyes glancing toward the other side, where he can see Dazai with Ango and others in the distance.
The next day came, the last day of exams.
“I’ll see you at the second gate later!” Atsushi waves, running toward a yelling Chuuya.
“Good luck with your exams! Ace it, Atsushi-kun!” Dazai shouts, making Atsushi pull a tongue at him before they both share a laugh and a wave.
Moriko is nearby and hears this valuable information. Dazai will be waiting later by the second gate. This means she must go there fast before Atsushi arrives to witness her embarrassing confession.
“Oi! What are you rushing on about? You’re excited for the date, aren’t ya?” Chuuya pokes at Atsushi, who quickly packs his things after the exam. “Your date’s still tomorrow, isn’t it? Or are you guys planning on hanging out in the dorms? Gah! I’ll lend you some money to book a motel, just please don’t do it in our dorm room. Ow!”
Atsushi punches Chuuya’s arm jokingly while shaking his head, smiling.
“Nothing of that sort! We’ll just eat out and chill in my room later.”
“Doubt.” Chuuya continues to tease. “I have condoms in my second drawer, but use it sparingly. I haven’t used it yet. Just text me first if you’re doing it with Dazai so I can sleep elsewhere.”
Atsushi punches him again, but this time he dodges.
A light blush remains on Atsushi’s cheeks as he rolls his eyes and walks out the door, yelling, “Shut up, Chuuya-san!”
He can still hear Chuuya’s loud laughter in the hallways. He shakes his head with a smile. But Chuuya is right. Atsushi is plenty excited to hang out and chill with Dazai again. Snuggling together on the sofa or the bed, watching their favorite shows and films, playing their childhood video games, or anything.
He misses Dazai so much.
The second gate comes to Atsushi’s view. They decide to meet here because there’s barely people using it, as the main gate and third gates are closer to transport vehicles.
Right there, Dazai stands by by a pillar, with Moriko fidgeting in front of his unreadable face, and the three other girls hiding behind another pillar by the right side, while Atsushi come from the left direction.
“Dazai senpai… I have something I want to say to you.”
“Hm?”
Moriko’s confession is down in seconds. But something takes over Atsushi, his mind goes blank as he strides tp where they are with a serious face, then suddenly, cups Dazai’s face and kisses him straightaway.
Gasps resound in Atsushi’s ears, but he pay them no mind, and closes his eyes, taking in Dazai’s sweet taste, strong scent, and fluffy locks tickling his fingers.
This catches everyone off guard, not just the three girls, but especially Moriko. What surprises them all the more is Dazai’s response.
Dazai wraps an arm around Atsushi while his other hand slides to the side of Atsushi’s neck. He deepens the kiss, licking Atsushi’s lower lip, and exchanging more of each other’s taste, their eyes close, and mind on nothing else but each other’s warmth and touch.
All the longing for a makeout session comes out. Atsushi’s hands go up further to Dazai’s hair, brushing them, then tugging on them as Dazai’s hand on his side slips to his buttcheeks for a quick squeeze.
After one last, longer, passionate kiss, they pull away, out of breath, eyes locking, and hearts beating faster than light.
Dazai grins. “You missed me that much, kitten?”
“Well, I’ve been busy for weeks.” A sly smile appears on Atsushi’s face. “We barely see each other the past month. I couldn’t help myself.”
“Works for me,” Dazai replies with a light chuckle, his arms positioning on an embrace. “But, what about our deal? Didn’t you say you didn’t want to do these things in public in the meantime?”
“Yeah, about that.” Atsushi wraps his arms around Dazai’s neck, a sweet smile present on his face. “I’ll allow it sometimes.”
Dazai places a chaste kiss on Atsushi’s lips before grinning, then looking over to a stunned Moriko, not letting go of Atsushi.
“Ah, what did you want to say again?”
“U-um… Nakajima senpai…” Moriko says in a low, shaking voice. “I-I didn’t know… that you and…”
Atsushi displays an innocent head tilt. “I didn’t mention, did I?”
“N-no.”
“Osamu-san, the cafe might close soon. Let’s go?” Atsushi changes the subject cleanly as he diverts his eyes on his wristwatch. “See you next week, Moriko-chan!”
Once away, Dazai snickers. “What was that, Nakajima senpai?” he teases.
Atsushi rolls his eyes and slaps Dazai’s cheek jokingly. “Shut up. You want me to take what I said back?”
“I was kidding, I was kidding!” Dazai raises his hands in defense, but his smrik remain. “Who knew you’d be more jealous of her than I was.”
Atsushi raises a brow. “You were jealous?”
“Eh, a bit,.” Dazai mumbles, looking away. “I remained true to our agreement, though! I wanted to hug and kiss you so bad every time I see you so stressed out!”
“...I don’t mind.”
“Aw, really? That freshman really got you jealous, huh?”
“Stop teasing!”
“You’re not denying it, though! My kitten was jealous! So cute!”
“Shut up!” Atsushi hisses, his cheeks pink.
Dazai laughs and pinches Atsushi’s cheek. “Fine, alright. I’ll stop if you promise we can hold hands again.”
“We still do. Inside the dorms.”
“You know what I mean! Atsushi-kun, you meanie!”
“Okay, yes, sure.” Atsushi holds out his hand, which Dazai grabs immediately.
As they walk down the streets to the cafe, with judgmental and curious eyes on their joined hands, Atsushi shoves his insecurities and fear down his throat.
So what?
Atsushi smiles at how happily Dazai grins and hums to himself with their fingers clinging onto one another in the face of the public’s eye. Meeting Moriko again may have been the key for him to accept things. Especially one thing.
Maybe PDA isn’t so bad.