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Thick clouds of smoke surrounded the air, twirling amongst Arcjec’s body as if it were sentient. Heaving puffs left their chest, deep purple eyes shielded by thick lashes staring indifferently as the troll slowly let the smoke consume their body. He almost seemed pained by the fumes, yet it kept them alive; what kept them sane for the past grueling sweeps of their life. Every waking moment jumbled up incoherently like tangled wires, his memories and thoughts foggy. Seemingly like static, if you will. Eyes wandered vaguely as if scanning the area for potential threats yet coming up empty-handed. (You could say a bright red threat was beside him, yet they chose not to acknowledge that for now.) Taking in the greyish landscape of his planet, those annoying brightly-hued snakes, unfortunately, popped into view. God, he was starting to hate those things. His chest rose, the end of a cigarette pressed firmly against his lips, holding the grimy smoke within their tender lungs. Their chest fell unceremoniously so, a pillowy cloud escaped their nose. Taz’s heels shifted, mindlessly kicking at the dirt beneath her shoes. She didn’t seem put off by Arcjec’s behavior; if they examined hard enough, she almost seemed... unconcerned. Like she predicted this was bound to happen one day or another. An uncomfortable silence lingered longingly, growing as thick as the polluting smoke that emitted from Arcjec’s cigarette. Their throat clenched uncomfortably, gaze set on the miserable scenery.
“~Since when do you smoke?~”
Her voice practically shook the ground beneath them, with an almost condescending bitterness to it. Turning their head slightly, half-lidded pupils were met with a blank stare, eyebrows pinched in a way Arcjec would dare to assume was concern. Mirroring her expression, he gifted her a half-assed shrug unsure how to answer it. They didn’t have an answer to her question in the first place; it all just came so naturally. Smoking was a coping mechanism like it is for most. It was an escape from the impending doom they felt 24/7, releasing that sweltering stress with a breath. The arms crossed over her chest seemed to shift, cocking her head in response. Right, she wasn’t taking that for an answer.
“XDXD Since when do *you* care what I do? XDXD”
Arcjec spat with just as much bitterness, inhaling another drag instinctively. It wasn’t always like this, this whole... back and forth bullshit. Things weren’t consistently as complicated as they were now, yet Arcjec would do *anything* to retrieve the past. No being can ethically alter the state of time, no matter how many pleasing things domino effect their way into that said timeline. Not even him. Yet, beneath that inky hatred that coated Arcjec’s blood-pusher, they wished things ended differently. He wished Taz didn’t despise them as much as she did; hell, he wished *he* didn’t reciprocate those exact feelings. They dreamed of a life where Taz clung to emotions that weren’t all filthy and full of hatred. What they had was indescribably irreplaceable, but most of all, unfixable. He watched their friendship crumble into pieces within their hands like pieces of sand, slipping through the cracks of their fingers before he could retrieve all the specks.
An irritated scoff left her clenched teeth, leaning her body further into the wall she casually stood in front. Even after all this time, Arcjec could still effortlessly get on her nerves.
“~I don’+. Jus+ wondering why +he hell you +hink i+’s a smar+ idea. You’re killing yourself in +he wors+ way imaginable. Seems pre++y idio+ic +o me.~”
Taz spoke through gritted fangs, her eyes deepening with that all-too-familiar look of distaste. Ash simmered heavy on their tongue, head hanging uncomfortably.
“~None of your ideas hold any sor+ of value anyway, so I’m no+ sure why I chose +o ask.~”
That unwarranted silence again, they were growing sick of it. Instead of routinely lashing out as Arcjec was tempted to do, they shifted a foot closer to where Taz stood, expression unfazed. His features seemed to soften almost uncharacteristically so, his jaw visibly tightened.
“XDXD Are you looking for a sincere answer, or are you fucking with me for the hell of it? XDXD”
A heavy pause.
“~...Wha+?~”
“XDXD Do you want a serious answer or *not?* XDXD”
Taz seemed to stare for almost an unsettling amount of time, lips parted slightly to reveal her distantly shocked look. The crease between her brows appeared, fangs faintly peeking from her lips.
“~Why do you +hink I asked you in +he firs+ place?~”
“XDXD You tend to ask a lot of unnecessary questions that you already figured out the answer to, so the least I could do was ask. Speaking of that, you should answer *my* question. XDXD”
Huffing through her nose, she silently admitted defeat, tightening the arms crossed on her chest. It was a little daunting to see this amount of compliance, yet Arcjec wasn’t the type to verbally complain about good things.
“~A genuine answer would be nice. For once.~”
Growling lowly beneath her breath, all that came out of Arcjec’s mouth was an affirming hum, followed by a trail of smoke seeping through his chapped lips. Teeth gnawed at their bottom lip, stalling with purpose. The answer within his head was blurry, unsure how to fit the pieces together coherently; emotions weren’t his strong suit if you hadn’t noticed. Their tongue seemed to numb up inside their mouth, phrases growing difficult to spew out. The troll exhaled deeply.
“XDXD Okay. Well, the short answer is... I don’t know. I don’t know what compels me to do half the shit I end up doing. It all just seems like... Like my life is predetermined, you know? I’m playing along with this stupid game, and I’m letting the pieces of this torturously moronic puzzle fall into place. I guess developing an addiction was one of those forsaken pieces. XDXD”
Immediately, an impossible amount of regret began to seep into his skin, burning at his flesh like acid. Out of all people, Arcjec decided to pile his well-deserved misery onto someone who could care less about how they felt. It was poetic how pathetic he had become, honestly. They swallowed thickly, painfully tearing his gaze away. They could feel Taz dig her heel into the ground, crushing the dirt mindlessly, yet not uttering a response. She grew eerily silent, the sound of crumbled dirt being the only thing he was focused on.
“~You know wha+ your problem is? You +hink +oo much.~”
Now it was his turn to respond stupidly.
“XDXD What? How does that- XDXD”
“~I *said* you +hink +oo much. You overanalyze every li++le +hing someone does; you cri+icize yourself daily for fucks sake. I shouldn’+ be +alking, but you should +ry +o live in +he momen+ some+ime. Moping around and +hinking abou+ how your life is so miserable isn’+ going +o help anyone, Arcjec. I+ isn’+ going +o fix who you are ei+her.~”
The fingers that clung to his cigarette began to tremble, teeth clenching so tightly they were bound to fall out like pieces of shattered glass.
“~I+ isn’+ your faul+ ei+her, no ma++er wha+ your s+upid insignifican+ +hink-pan +ells you. Life happens, you need +o learn +o suck i+ up. You can con+rol wha+ you do wi+h your life, bu+ you can’+ con+rol wha+ i+ does +o *you.*~”
Oddly enough, she seemed to be speaking from experience, like she’s dealt with something similar before. They didn’t know what they were feeling other than... relief, almost.
“~I ge+ i+ +hough.~”
Arcjec’s head snapped toward her, eyebrows furrowed so deeply he swore they might fall off.
“XDXD Do you? Or are you just throwing me some pity party? XDXD”
“~I do, you inconsidera+e asshole. I ge+ wha+ i+ feels like +o no+ have any sense of awareness in your life. I fel+ like +ha+ for fucking sweeps.~”
Taz stepped closer, idly looming beside him like a skyscraper. He had almost forgotten how tall she got.
“~Even if you don’+ believe i+, which I doub+ you will, shi+ gets better even+ually.~”
With that unexpected monologue, she plucked the cigarette from his fingers, tossing it onto the ground with no warning. Before they could have some sort of retaliation, Taz crushed it with her shoe, smushing it into the dirt. A perfectly good cigarette was destroyed. An unearthly noise left Arcjec’s throat, appalled Taz would go out of her way to ruin such a quality cig. For no reason too, how baffling.
“XDXD You could’ve lectured me perfectly without wasting one of my cigarettes which, might I add, I bought with my own money. XDXD”
Arcjec grumbled, displeased by the ashy remnants on the ground. (Maybe he could piece back the ruined paper and tobacco...)
“~Yeah, I know. Bu+ I’m doing you a favor. You’re welcome, by +he way.~”
She shrugged carelessly, emitting another grumble from the shorter troll. With crossed arms, they stared blankly at the destroyed pile, odd tingles of relief tickling at their nerves. It felt relieving to let everything loose instead of coping with their struggles with addiction. For once, they didn't feel the need to bottle up his emotions into a little glass jar to prevent himself from spilling. No matter how many precautions they took, how much effort they wasted concealing their feelings, they were bound to spill some time. Tired eyes snuck a glance at the girl, purple-tinted irises gazing back. A certain flush prod at his blood-pusher, crooked fangs chewing at their inner cheek. Digging his foot into the ashes, a hint of a smile peeked from behind his apathetic mask.
“XDXD Yeah. Thanks, I guess. XDXD”
Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all.