Chapter Text
Craig Tucker is eight and he's fucking pissed.
After he and Tweek were separated, following their second fight, the hospital stuff had called their parents (which was totally unnecessary, they calmed down on their own just fine... mostly), who gave them the grounding of a lifetime.
And the worst part was, now that he was thinking rationally (and a Tucker should never stop being rational... maybe his parents were right to ground him after all) he knew he had been played for a fool. He and Tweek both, actually.
Speaking of Twitchy, they were still stuck in the same room... fuck South Park and its stupid small overcrowded hospital. Though he was a victim too. Might as well make some conversation. Or better yet, plan some revenge. They had enemies now. Common enemies.
"Hey."
"Argh! You still wanna fight? I'm not scared of you! Bring it on!"
Craig tried to look as annoyed as possible, but his black eye made looking like anything a chore.
"Calm down, Twerp. I don't want to fight anymore."
"How can I trust you? What if they lied about lying and you really hate me, uh? What then? Maybe you want to kill me! Oh God, I'm too young to..."
"Listen, I don't have the energy for wordplay or tricks right now. I come in peace." He was actually still lying on his bed, too hurt to move. "Well, come is a strong word. I just wanted to talk to you."
"And what if you are lying? Jesus!"
"Nevermind. Keep being crazy."
Craig flipped him off (his middle finger had begun itching). Then he crossed his arms and turned to the other side. Fine by him. He'll have to take revenge all alone. As usual, he himself was the only person he could trust.
A little while later, Tweek spoke to him... and without screaming. That's new.
"Craig... you really wanted to... just talk?"
"For fuck's sake, that's what I told you!" He turned back. He bit his tongue before adding something sarcastic. He would be playing their game that way. He had to be calm... as hard as it was in that moment. "We have a common enemy."
"We have an enemy? Oh God! Do they want to kill us?"
"Tweek, focus! It's our reputation that's on the line, here. We're looking like gullible morons right now."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah."
"But who's our enemy?"
"Those four assholes! Who else? They set us up, one against the other."
"You're saying what they told me was false? All of it?"
"Of course it was! I barely ever noticed you existed before they made that bet on us."
"Thanks..."
"Come on..." Craig tried to roll his eyes... fucking black eye. "You want to tell me you are always thinking about me? What are you, a queer?"
"No! That's not what I meant!"
"Good, then."
"You think they made us fight just to bet on us?"
"I'm fucking certain of it. But when I get out of here... and my parents calm down, I'll make them pay. Especially that fucker Marsh."
"What? Why him in particular?"
"Think about it. Who's their leader?"
"I don't know. Should I? Oh God I missed something important again? Argh!"
"Dude." Craig was hating his life in that moment. "I'm just saying... Cartman is too fat and stupid to be the mind. Kyle is a whiny bitch and pussies out when things get tough. Kenny is... kinda bearable I guess, but way too quiet. So that leaves..."
"... Stan."
"Exactly."
"It makes sense. What do we do then?"
Great, he'd convinced him. Now, about the plan...
"I'll think about. We're gonna make their lives a living hell!"
Tweek didn't look too enthusiastic about it. Whatever.
The more he thought about it, the angrier he got. Not only did Marsh use him like he was a fucking toy... no, he dared to think Tweek could beat him in a fight! The audacity of that bitch. Fine, Twitchy had come pretty close to beat him... but that just meant he was a tough motherfucker. Craig respected that. But he was still the strongest. The troublemaker part... maybe he could admit he was the one most often in detention, but that wasn't his fault! People are just so fucking stupid. It's absolutely necessary to tell them to fuck off. It's his duty as a smart person.
He gave a glance at his... roommate. He wasn't that bad. A little too emotional for Craig's likes, but still. And Clyde needed some other friend who was a crybaby just like him. So he decided to make him an offer he couldn't refuse.
"Tweek."
"Gah! What? Are they back already?"
"No. I wanted to ask you something."
His left eye twitched. "Yes? I won't give you my organs, man! I need them."
What the fuck?
"I simply wanted to know if... you'd like to hang out with me and the boys."
"Oh. Well... ok. I don't have a lot of friends, you know? People usually think I'm weird..."
Yeah, who would have ever guessed... but. Craig knew people shouldn't be judged by their appearances. And he did know how to throw a punch, so that was already cool enough.
"Don't worry. We're cool, unlike Stan and those guys. And! If we become friends, that would totally fuck up their plan of making us fight."
Tweek beamed. "You're right! You're very smart, Craig."
"I know."
"Why do you think they chose us to fight?"
"It's kinda obvious, Tweek."
"Is it?"
"Yes. Of course Marsh is jealous of me. He thinks he's hot shit, but deep down he knows I'm better than him. At everything."
"If you say so... I wanted to ask you a thing, too."
"Go on."
"Are you two related? I mean... you kind of look alike."
"We do what? Are you kidding me? We have nothing in common."
Craig was definitely not still pissed for that one time Clyde mistook Marsh for him. If he could trick his best friend, maybe Stan did have a somewhat similar appearance (it was clear he was just copying Craig, obviously). Then again, his best friend wasn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. Still, Craig had stopped talking to him for three days when that happened... he would have carried out the punishment a little longer, if Clyde hadn't started the waterworks in front of his parents.
"Jesus! I was just asking."
"It's fine, I guess..."
Then, he suddenly realized. It was just like Red Racer! Why didn't he think about it before? He had found his nemesis. His hero also had his own nemesis, Green Racer, who looked somewhat similar to him but was the complete opposite in everything else (and evil, like Marsh)! But good always triumphs in the end, so Craig will come out on top.
There was just one thing he and Tweek had to settle.
"So... we agree I won the fight, right?"
"What? Are you crazy? I beat the shit out of you!"
"You wish."
"If you want to go for another round..."
If Craig wanted to be friends with the guy, they had to find some common ground. He'd never tell him of course, but he was respecting Tweek even more after seeing him stand up for himself.
"We'll call it a draw. How does that sound? I don't wanna fight you anymore. I think you're okay."
"Uhm... alright. A draw is fine."
"Then, welcome to my group Tweek! When we get out of here, I'll go tell the others the good news."
Craig slammed Marsh's locker door to get his attention, just as he was talking with his little ginger boyfriend.
"What the fuck?" He realized who he was speaking with. "Oh, you're back at school, dude."
"Yeah, we're back." Tweek was behind him clutching his coffee thermos, still not looking completely sure about the whole thing. "And I'll let you know your scheme failed."
"My what?"
"You wanted us to be enemies, but we're friends now."
Marsh seemed unimpressed. "So what? Good for you, I don't give a shit."
"You should." He stood up straight, taking advantage of his superior height to show Marsh who's boss. "Because we'll make you and your stupid friends pay."
"Hey." Kyle tried to insert himself in the conversation.
"Shut up, I'm talking to your boyfriend."
Before Kyle could say anything, Marsh beat him to it. "Hey, he shuts up when he wants to! And we're not gay!"
"You aren't? Strange, considering you're such a pussy."
"Who did you call a pussy?"
"You, bitch. If you wanted to see who's the strongest, you should have challenged me. Instead you hid behind Tweek like a coward."
"We can always do it now."
"Fine by me."
They studied each other for a little while, then Marsh threw the first punch. But this time Craig was more than ready for a fight.
His parents were not so happy to be called because of him getting into a scuffle for the second time in a row. He even had to endure his father talking to him about anger management (as if he needed something stupid like that), in addition to the grounding.
Still, wiping that satisfied smile from Marsh's face...
Totally worth it.