Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Early Morning Escapes

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Late Night Rendezvous

•••

The morning after, Tim woke up to see Lucy quietly getting dressed at the foot of his bed, and he watched her with a grin on his face because she hadn’t noticed he was awake.

“Leaving so soon?” Tims voice was low and playful, and Lucy swivelled around only in her jeans and her bra, and she smiled at him, and then she was on the bed, crawling towards him and she pressed a series of soft, gentle kisses to his lips.

“Need to shower, but you can pick me up later?” Lucy left him longing for more, but she got off the bed and then walked to where he’d discarded his shirt last night and she put it on, the 3/4 length sleeves becoming full length on her.

“Okay, I will. I’ll be at your apartment for 7pm. Get home safe.” Tim mused and then she left, and Tim rolled over and buried his head in her pillow inhaling the scent of lavender and honey.

And he was absolutely infatuated with how his pillow now smelled of her, of Lucy.

—•—

—lucy

Lucy was buzzing, her whole body still coming down from the high of spending the night with Tim, and as she reached her apartment door, she hoped that Jackson would still be asleep so she wouldn’t be subjected to the line of questioning she was sure she’d be receiving at some point, if not as she crossed threshold, definitely later on today.

She fumbled with her keys but eventually opened the door and as she gently shut it she kicked off her shoes, thinking she had managed to get away without disturbing her roommate but as she tiptoed in the direction of her bedroom Jacksons voice broke the silence.

“Have fun with Tim last night?” As Lucy turned around, she saw Jackson, leant against the wall with a huge smirk on his face.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Lucy shrugged, trying to play it off, even though at just the thought of him, her lips pulled into a smile.

“You, Lucille, are a lying liar who lies, if you do not sit your butt on the couch right now, I will come and tackle you.”

Lucy looked from her bed to the couch and then admitted defeat going to the turquoise blue piece of furniture and dropping onto it with a heavy sigh, with Jackson following suit.

“You’re wearing his shirt?!” Jacksons voice had gone up an octave and Lucy let out a laugh, looking down at her shirt, his shirt, and the way it smelled like him brought her so much comfort.

“Yeah, we had an amazing night, he was amazing. I have never ever felt so comfortable with someone, so respected.” Reminiscing about their night together, and how after they had exhausted themselves, they both lay awake talking about the most random things, just getting to know each other.

“Are you going to see him again?”

Lucy smirked at Jackson and then nodded, knowing full well that he would be waiting at her door tonight…she hoped.

“You’re seriously falling for him, I have never seen your eyes so big, your smile so wide. Where is my Lucy Chen, and what have you done with her?”

Lucy got up, wanting to shower, and possibly go shopping so she could find something to wear for tonight, “she’s right here, don’t you worry about that Jackson. She’s just a little bit happier, and a little bit awestruck after a night of the best sex she’s ever had!”

Jackson covering his ears and shouting ‘la la’ set her off into fits of giggles, and she put him out of his misery as she disappeared into her bathroom.

Lifting his shirt off with a gentleness she didn’t possess with her other clothes, she brought it to her face and inhaled, and she was immediately surrounded by him, so she folded the shirt and left it on top of the laundry hamper, stripping off her jeans and underwear and throwing them with disregard, not caring that they ended up in a heap on the floor.

After spending so long showering, Lucy went into her room and laid on her bed in just a towel, staring up at the ceiling, wishing she had stayed just a little bit longer with him, laid in his arms, where she felt so incredibly safe.

But the more she thought about him, the more she scolded herself, because she had met him last night and they had spent a single night together, it was ridiculous for her to even think she was catching feelings for someone who was essentially a stranger.

Even though, he didn’t feel like one.

His touch felt so familiar, and it wasn’t rough or needy, it was kind and gentle and slow.

His eyes were this perfect misty blue, and if she could spend the rest of her life staring into them, she would have.

As she toyed with the idea of getting up, she wondered what Tim was doing right now, had he gone back to sleep, or was he thinking about her, or was he just going about his day like any other person after a one night stand, just like she should have been doing.

—•—

—tim

Everything reminded him of her, her smell clung to his clothes, and his bedsheets and when he realised that he couldn’t stay in his apartment without being reminded of her, he showered and headed out because if he didn’t do something he would have probably spent the whole day staring at the wall and thinking of a certain brunette who had stolen his heart.

Why he was so fixated on her, he didn’t know why, but he wanted to know her favourite colour and her favourite song, he wanted to know what made her happy, and what made her feel better when she was sad. He wanted to be the one who held her as she cried, and always made her smile.

How could he miss someone he’d only just met?

They were practically strangers, but Tim knew that from the moment she’d fallen into his arms last night, that she was something special, something else entirely. And he felt like he’d known her forever.

His stroll through the busy streets of LA took him to the beach; and whilst it wasn’t his favourite place to go he wondered if Lucy liked going there and maybe he would handle the white sand and the salty water, just for her.

As he walked along the stretch of pier he came across a stall, and he normally didn’t pay much attention to the trinkets that were being sold, but as he glanced over he saw the most beautiful, moonstone ring, and immediately he thought of her.

“How much for the ring?” Tim inquired to an older looking woman, with a kind smile and wise gaze.

“For someone special?” The woman made conversation and Tim smiled instantly when he thought of Lucy, “that smile tells me everything I need to know, she must be very very special if she’s got you smiling like that. It’s not often anyone smiles with their eyes anymore. Tell me about her.”

Tim looked at the woman, wondering why he’d been able to give away so much with just a smile, but then he found himself obliging to her request.

“I met her yesterday, last night, but the moment we caught each other’s gaze across the room I felt something I’d never felt before. It’s like I knew her, but we’ve never met. I asked her to dance, and then watched her sing before I caught her from falling off of the stage. She has these gorgeous brown eyes like pools of honey, and her smile, her laugh, it makes me happy. I didn’t want her to leave this morning, but we’re seeing each other again tonight, and I just want to be wherever she is. I know I sound so stupid, and pretentious, and probably incredibly creepy. But I have never felt this way about anyone else.”

The woman had listened to every word, and when Tim finished talking she was holding out her hand and he didn’t know why but he let her take his hand.

“She’s different, she’s a breath of fresh air for you. You’ve suffered a lot as a child, and as you’ve got older, but you persevered, and now you’re stronger for it. This young woman, she’s going to help you heal, she’ll listen to your pain and take it in with her own, she’ll be there by your side always. I see a beautiful life, you both already have a bond, you’re tied together. You always have been, it just took you a while to find each other. Cherish her and let her cherish you. It won’t be easy, I wish I could say it will be, you’re going to face a lot of challenges and there’s going to be pain and sadness and regret, but no matter what happens you’ll always love each other and find your way back to her, and her to you.”

Tim furrowed his brows, he was used to clairvoyants and fortune tellers parading their half assed predictions of people’s futures, but the way this woman had been so accurate about him, and how she had spoken so earnestly about their love. It sent shivers down his spine.

“The ring, you can have it for free. She’s going to love it, and it’s going to become so important, more than either of you think it will.”

She enclosed the ring in his opened hand and Tim looked at her with a grateful smile.

“Thank you, I might bring her back, I have a feeling some of your jewellery is just her style.” Tim pocketed the ring and then took a step back.

“I move around a lot, but I’d be delighted if you did, I hope you have a wonderful date tonight, treasure your girl Tim.”

As he turned on his heel to walk away, he briefly glanced back, because he realised that he hadn’t actually told her his name, but the woman wasn’t there anymore, and he felt for the ring in his pocket, and he sighed with relief that it was still there.

Everything that woman said to him, it stuck with him as he walked back along the pier, and past the beach, and all the way back to his apartment, and now he couldn’t wait for tonight. To see her again.

—•—

—lucy

A day had never dragged so much as today had, and it wasn’t until 6pm that Lucy actually let herself get ready, because otherwise she’d have been ready from midday.

Jackson had kept her occupied for the afternoon, mostly just with watching movies and planning her outfit for tonight.

She pulled her skirt on and then the matching top, it was a beautiful linen skirt/cropped shirt combination, with both pieces of fabric bearing the same black colour with intricate floral patterns in a deep pink and white haze. She fiddled with the fabric of the skirt until it sat just right and then messed with her hair, looking at her reflection in the mirror trying to make herself look ‘perfect’ but part of her knew that Tim wouldn’t care if she turned up in her pyjamas.

“Are you almost ready? You’ve been in there for 45 minutes and you don’t want to keep ‘Mr. Best Sex I Ever Had’ waiting do you?” Jackson’s voice pulled her out of her trance, and she checked her watch and her eyes widened because she really had just lost track of time.

Lucy grabbed her leather jacket and then headed out of her room and went to put on an appropriate pair of shoes, from the many choices she had strewn by the front door.

As she slipped into her black combat boots, she turned around to see Jackson staring at her and she rolled her eyes when he started making kissing noises at her.

“Behave yourself. Maybe you should make yourself scarce just in case we do come back here after. I can’t make any guarantees that we won’t be loud…” Lucy grinned triumphantly, and then jumped when the buzzer went off meaning that either some hooligan had decided to press all the buttons to try and gain access to the campus accommodation building, or Tim had arrived.

Lucy went for the phone and pulled it off the hook and pressed it to her ear.

“Hello.” Was all she said, waiting to hear his voice on the other end of the line.

“Hi, I wonder if you could help me, I’m here to pick up this beautiful girl, we’re going on a date.” Tims voice sounded so different from how she’d heard it before, it wasn’t his voice fighting to be heard over the crowd in a club, or his husky, low voice as he told her all the things he wanted to do to her, as they made love, or his morning voice which was so unbelievably sexy, it was just his normal voice, and she loved it just the same.

“I’m afraid she’s not here right now, will I do?” Lucy heard him laugh down the phone and a grin was fully covering her lips.

“You’ll do perfectly, want me to come up, or are you meeting me down here?”

Lucy looked at Jackson, and decided he was in too much of a giddy mood to meet Tim right now, but she did want them to meet at some point.

“I’ll come down; I won’t be long. Bye Tim.” Lucy pushed the phone back onto the holder and then reached for her jacket and purse, grabbing her keys off the little hook that said her name under.

“Don’t wait up!” Lucy called over to her friend, and when he blew her a kiss she caught it and kissed her closed knuckles and then threw it back.

“Make good choices! Love you!” Jackson’s voice was cut off as she closed the door, but she knew he knew she loved him back.

The wait for the elevator seemed to last an eternity, and Lucy kept fiddling with her fingers as she watched the numbers count down until she reached the ground floor.

There he was, standing with his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth, and as Lucy approached the door she felt the hairs on her arms stand up, right as they made eye contact.

She pushed the door open, and Tim caught it and held it open for her, and she swore there was an electric field surrounding them, because she felt like she was vibrating, completely and utterly buzzing with anticipation and excitement.

Then they touched, he held out his hand, and she took it, and the sparks that ignited between them both were undeniable.

“Hi. You look so beautiful.” Tim spun her around and then in one swift motion he pulled her in for a kiss, and Lucy almost dropped her jacket and her purse as she moved her arms around his neck and melted into his lips.

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” Lucy teased when they finally broke apart, she took a second to take in his outfit, his dark trousers and navy, patterned shirt, complimented each other perfectly, “what do you have planned for us tonight Bradford?”

The way they both just let their hands intertwine as they started walking, it just felt right.

“Well, I thought we could do dinner, I made us reservations, and then maybe a moonlit walk on the beach?” Tim told her the plans and Lucy moved a little closer to him as they walked so she could bump her hip with his.

“That sounds perfect,” she let him lead her off campus and pretty soon they were on the quiet streets of Los Angeles, heading to wherever Tim wanted to take her, “anything would be perfect with you.”

Tim stopped them from walking, and Lucy looked up at him with a confused expression.

“Is everything okay?” She questioned, moving closer to him, and then his hand cupped her cheek, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“Everything is perfect, you’re perfect, this, is perfect. Excuse me for saying this, because I know I sound crazy, but I feel like I know you, like we’ve known each other for years. I feel so comfortable with you, like I’m right where I’m supposed to be.” The way Tim spoke with such sincerity, it made Lucy weak at the knees, because hearing him say he felt like that, like she did, it was more than she could ever imagine.

“You don’t sound crazy…I feel the same, it’s like I feel like you’re meant to be here, with me, like our hands were made for each other, like our bodies fit together perfectly, like we knew each other in a past life. I have never felt so seen and heard and understood, and we’ve only known each other for 24 hours. But I already know that I don’t want to let you go.” It felt so good to get that off of her chest and when Tim looked at her with a gentle smile, she reached up to press her lips against his.

“Come on, let’s go eat, and then we can talk more, and get to know each other better.”

They carried on walking and eventually arrived at the restaurant, and it looked pretty fancy, definitely a step up from the karaoke bar.

“Good evening, sir, madam. Do you have a reservation?” The waiter at the door greeted them, and Lucy didn’t let go of Tim’s arm, leaning into him.

“We do, it’s under Bradford.” He briefly pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Perfect. Mr and Mrs Bradford if you’d like to follow me.”

Tim opened his mouth to correct the waiter, but then he’d already started walking, and Lucy just smiled, walking beside Tim as they weaved through the restaurant.

“Hmm, that doesn’t sound too bad.” Lucy whispered in Tim’s ear just before they sat down, and when she sat opposite him, she enjoyed the way his cheeks had turned red.

“Let’s do the first date and then see where we go from here…” Tim retorted with a playful tone, but he reached across the table and took her hand in his and she squeezed it gently.

They spent the whole evening talking, and Lucy told Tim about her parents and her life goals, and about whatever he asked her, and Lucy listened as he talked about his mom and his sister and how he didn’t know what he wanted to do, but he was happy with that for now and by the end of their three course meal, she felt like she knew him so much better.

So, when they finished eating, and argued about who was going to pay; with Tim winning and Lucy repeatedly saying that it was her turn next time, they left the restaurant and eventually found themselves walking along the beach, shoes off, toes in the sand, hand in hand.

“You are one of a kind Lucy. I have never wanted to share my deepest darkest secrets and my wildest dreams with anyone else, not so soon, I trust you with my whole heart. I got you a present, I didn’t plan to, but I went on a walk earlier and stumbled across this stall on the pier. I had an…interesting…conversation with a woman. But anyway. I saw this and thought of you.”

They stopped in the sand and Lucy turned to Tim, watching him pull something out of his blazer pocket and then he reached for her right hand and slid the moonstone ring onto her finger, and immediately Lucy brought her hand to her face, the ring was illuminated by the moonlight and she gently brushed her fingers against it.

“Tim…” she looked from him to the ring and then back to him, “it’s beautiful, thank you.”

Her hands cupped his cheeks, and she pulled him in for a long, passionate kiss, and if she had more guts, she would’ve pulled them down into the sand and let their bodies do all the talking.

But it turned out Tim had enough courage for the both of them.

He tugged his blazer off and threw it down on the sand.

And as Lucy continued to kiss him; his hands slid down her hips and then he hoisted her skirt and legs up so she could wrap them around his hips, and then he lowered her onto the fabric separating her from the sand.

“You. Are. Everything…everything I’ve been looking for, waiting for.”

His voice was low, and his words were just for her as he whispered them in her ear.

Lucy began to unbutton his shirt, tugging him closer to her and she didn’t stop kissing every single part of exposed skin, needing to leave her mark on him, her lipstick now more on him than on her lips.

“Whether it’s fate, or a coincidence that we met, I don’t care. All I care about is that I have you, and that we have the chance to give us a try, I don’t care about the fact that I met you yesterday, and that to some we would be moving far too fast, at a million miles per hour, because it doesn’t feel like that to me. I feel like we’re going at the perfect pace, in our own world, where no one else’s opinion matters. Because I have you, and you have me, and that’s all I care about.” Lucy gasped when Tim found her sweet spot by the tattoo on her neck, just below her ear.

“As much as I’m thoroughly enjoying this…I don’t think having sex on the beach is the best idea.” Admitting that was probably the best move, because Lucy wouldn’t be able to stop with just one time.

“Well, I guess, we’ll just take it back to my place. Come on beautiful girl.” Tim stood up, and then helped her up, wrapping her in his blazer and then he turned around and bent down slightly and Lucy furrowed her brow but then when he looked back at her she knew what he wanted, and she looped her arms around his neck and let him hoist her onto his back.

His arms supported her thighs and she let her head fall onto his shoulder, leaving soft kisses on the skin by his ear, whispering to him the whole way back to his apartment.

—

And there they were again, the morning light spilling through the gap in the curtains, as she laid in Tim’s bed, and their legs were tangled together. She had propped herself up on her elbow so she could watch him sleep.

Their clothes were strewn across the floor, and Lucy let her hand draw circles lazily on his stomach.

This time though, she wasn’t rushing to leave, she didn’t want to. She was so extremely content in Tim’s arms, with his arms around her waist and his body so close to hers.

His skin warm and soft, their bodies almost one.

“You know, it’s creepy to watch someone sleep.” Tims voice was very low and gruff, and then she saw him open his eyes and look at her, a smile instantly pulling on his lips.

“Oh shush. You’re just so handsome…and I’m scared if I stop looking at you, that you’ll disappear.” Her smile faded as she admitted her feelings, giving in to the pit of fear that was burrowing into her stomach.

What if this was some cruel dream? What if she was about to wake up in her own bed, because this was too good to be true.

“Do me a favour Lu. Look at your hand,” Tim’s instructions seemed flippant until she remembered his gift, and she pulled her hand up and splayed it on his chest, and there was the beautiful moonstone ring, “that’s real, last night was real, this is real too. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

He pulled her on top of him, and Lucy buried her face in his chest before pulling back up and kissing him with a hunger that she had never felt before.

Oh, how she hoped that he would stay, that this wasn’t a dream, because she needed him to stay. He was a breath of fresh air, but also an old friend.

All of this love she felt, it was new and old, she felt it blooming but it somehow had always been there, buried deep inside her, as if she’d been waiting for him for her whole life.

“I’ll hold you to that,” Lucy whispered, and then settled back into his arms, her head on his chest, his hands so delicately pressing against her skin.

“I’ll keep my promise, for you, I’d do anything baby.” And Tim’s words sank into her bones, and she knew that whatever happened, the love that was growing for him, would never leave her, its vines were tangling with her bones and her soul, and she wouldn’t be able to stop loving him if she tried.

Chapter Text

•week two•

After their date, all it had taken was Tim asking, ‘can I see you again,’ for Lucy to say ‘yes’ and that’s how she’d found herself practically living at Tim’s apartment. Dates had been planned but each one fell through because they decided that just being together, it was all they needed.

—lucy

“You are my greatest adventure Tim Bradford, and I’m not sure I’d want to be on this journey with anyone else. I know it’s only been a week, but I have never ever felt like this with anyone. You have this incredible energy, and I feel so safe with you, and I know I probably sound so stupid because it’s been 7 days, but…”

Her words break the silence that had settled between them, and Tim shifted underneath her and sat them both up, so she had no choice to look at him instead of looking at the frayed corner of his grey blanket.

“But what?” Tim urged her to continue, and she saw from the way his blue eyes seemed to be softer, drawing her in, that he wasn’t judging her or setting her up to humiliate herself, he wanted to listen to her.

“I just don’t want to be apart from you. It doesn’t matter that we’ve spent so much time together, that we have grown so close, I could sit in silence with you and be content with that. And I’m just putting it out there, that’s it’s completely okay if you don’t feel the same. I’m just clearly a little bit insecure and over the top, this is the first time in a long time that I’ve been with anyone.”

Lucy searched his blue eyes, and she expected him to ignore her, or try and deflect, or make it seem like her feelings were ridiculous, because in all honesty they were.

But he doesn’t. And that just makes her fall deeper into the spiral of feelings that she was having for Tim.

“Well…as it happens I do feel the same. I’ve had a few girlfriends before you, a few flings, but no one has ever made me feel so respected, so heard, and so cared for in so many ways like you have. You’re something else Lucy, I don’t know how I managed to deserve someone like you in my life, but all I know is that I don’t want to risk losing you, and if that means that we spend all summer getting to know each other, without a label or expectations, then that’s fine with me. All I care about is that I get to fall asleep with you in my arms and wake up to your beautiful face. That I can make you breakfast and help you cook dinner. I want to make you laugh, and listen to your crazy thoughts, and hear you sing in the shower. You make me feel so much, and I haven’t ever wanted to just be around someone as badly as I want to be around you. It’s like you’re showing me the world in it’s true colours, and they’re so bright and beautiful…and I don’t want to ever go back to seeing just grey.”

His confession, his honesty, and his willingness to be so vulnerable with her like that, it just made her fall harder, faster, and more than she’d ever care to admit.

Lucy doesn’t reply for a moment, she chooses to press her lips against his, dragging her tongue across his bottom lip but pulling back before things got too heated.

“Thank you, for being so open and honest with me,” she grinned, because he seemed ready to just go back to cuddling but Lucy had other ideas, “I think, I want a shower…”

Then, she rolled over and out of the bed, stripped off Tim’s shirt and dropped the black fabric to the floor, knowing that as she turned around he was following her naked body to the bathroom with his eyes.

—

That was the longest shower she’d ever taken, and she was sure they’d used up all of the hot water, and not because either of them had extensive showering routines.

“I should probably go back to my apartment; I don’t want Jackson to think I’ve completely abandoned him.” Lucy pouted when she saw Tim’s face fall, and she walked over to him in just her jeans, no bra, her wet hair stuck to her back.

As she settled in between his legs, she found comfort in how he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer.

“I don’t want you to go. What am I supposed to do without you?” Tim sounded genuinely sad that she wasn’t going to be staying.

“This could be good. We did just spend the whole week together, and I know we both feel the same, but distance makes the heart grow fonder, or whatever they say. I’m not saying we stop communicating, you can still text me and call me. But a couple of nights apart can’t hurt.” Lucy pressed a series of kisses against his lips, and then moved to his neck and shoulders and slightly damp chest, and then with a final kiss to his lips again, she pulled back and walked over to his drawers and took one of his sweatshirts.

“Just in case I miss you too much, I’d leave you my shirt, but it wouldn’t fit you…” Lucy bent down to pick it up, but Tim lurched forward and grabbed it from her before she could curl her fingers around the hem of her shirt.

“I think I’ll keep it anyway. If that’s okay?” Lucy furrowed her brows, but a smile tugged at her lips, and she nodded.

“Yeah, you can, I’ll let you know when I get home okay. Please try not to die of boredom without me. And do not watch the next episode of ‘My Neighbour Is a Killer’ without me.” Lucy tugged on her socks and then stood in the doorway of Tim’s bedroom, looking around and seeing the little touches of her she’d left behind. Her perfume sat on ‘her’ beside table, and her clothes were nestled in a drawer, she knew full well his bed was now a mixture of his cologne and her lavender and honey shampoo.

“Having second thoughts Lucy Elizabeth?” Tims voice pulled her from her trance, and she narrowed her eyes when he used her full name feigning annoyance, but in actual fact, it made a warmth pool in her stomach, and she wanted to hear him say it again.

“You wish Timothy, just admiring how much of me I’ve left in your room, just a shame it won’t actually be me you’re sleeping with for the next couple of nights. See you later…” Lucy blew him a kiss and then slipped her shoes on, grabbed her keys off the hook and with a final glance over her shoulder, grinning stupidly when she saw Tim waiting in his doorway, shirtless still, and frowning, she left.

—

“Luce? Is that you!?” Jackson’s voice echoed throughout their college apartment, and Lucy had only just managed to make it back to her room, but she turned back around and walked into the living room, waiting for Jackson to emerge from his room.

“You could’ve answered me you know?” Jackson looked flustered and Lucy smirked, wondering what she’d interrupted, but then it clicked when a shirtless Isaac Young followed behind Jackson.

“Sorry, I was just going to go to my room and mind my own business. Hi Isaac, how are you?” Lucy’s tone was playful, but she was sincere with her question, and as she moved to the kitchen she offered him a genuine smile.

“I’m good thank you Lucy. How are you?” Lucy busied herself with making everyone a coffee, but she briefly looked up to reply.

“I’m…brilliant actually.”

“Does Tim Bradford have anything to do with that? I assume that’s where you’ve been?” Jackson started, and Lucy looked over at her best friend, and she knew he wasn’t mad because he was smiling, and in turn, a smile found its way onto her face too.

“Yes. He’s amazing Jackson, he’s not like anyone I’ve ever been with before, and I don’t mean that because we’re moving too fast or he’s pressuring me, or whatever. We both feel the same, and we’ve agreed that we’re not going to label what we are, and that we’re going to take things slow. It’s actually why I’m back, I think a couple of days apart is healthy. As long as I’m not interrupting you two?” Lucy stirred a ridiculous amount of sugar and cream into her coffee, remembering how Tim had bought sugar and creamer just for her, and then shivered when she took the first sip. She pushed the other two mugs over to Jackson and Issac and then moved to the couch.

“This is your place too Lucy. You’re not interrupting anything. But for the record, I don’t think you can go even a night without Tim. In fact, I’m willing to bet on it.” Jackson grinned, and Lucy looked at him with a less than enthusiastic expression.

“Hmm,” she looked down briefly at Tim’s sweatshirt that covered her, “okay, deal. I bet that I can last the whole 2 days without asking Tim over or going to his place.” Lucy tried to sound convincing, but she knew she didn’t.

“And I bet you won’t make it through the evening.” Jackson held out his hand and Lucy shook it, letting Jackson pull away first, and then she watched as the pair headed back down the hallway and Lucy just smiled. She was happy that Jackson was happy.

—

Lucy spent the rest of the afternoon keeping herself busy, she cleaned the apartment, and her room, and even did some grocery shopping, so that when dinner time came around she was in the kitchen cooking just so she had something to do.

So, when Jackson and Isaac appeared at around 7pm, Lucy was plating up her own food and at the sound of their footsteps she grabbed two more plates and made them both a plate.

“Something smells amazing.” Jackson spoke with appreciation and Lucy smiled, pushing them their plates across the island and settled into the chair closest to her.

“It’s nothing special, just chicken Alfredo.” Lucy shrugged and twirled her fork into the small bowl of pasta. Even though she was delighted at how good it did taste.

“If this is how you are because you miss Tim, well, I’m just saying I like this break you’ve proposed. Because the apartment is spotless, and this is the first thing you’ve cooked in months, so thank you, and thank you Tim.” Jackson earned a middle finger and Lucy had to resist the temptation to throw a bread roll at him.

They ate in pretty much silence, and afterwards Lucy was grateful that Jackson offered to clean up especially since she’d cleaned all day and cooked them dinner.

It meant she could quickly shower and then burrow under her freshly washed covers, in Tim’s sweatshirt, and after she had gotten comfortable she didn’t hesitate to grab her phone.

Her fingers hovered over his name, and she wanted to call him so badly, their last correspondence had been midway through her cleaning session and he had simply said, ‘I miss you :(’ to which she had replied, ‘…I miss you too, I hope you’re not just wallowing without me though babe. Go out for a walk? Make sure you eat dinner. X’

Lucy groaned in annoyance and tried to just plug her phone on to charge and get some sleep, but the longer she tossed and turned, she came to the realisation that her bed was just far too big for her, so she grabbed her phone and clicked on his contact.

—

Tim: ‘Hello?’

Lucy: ‘Hi…’

Tim: ‘Is everything okay?’

His voice was as soft as she remembered, and it sent shivers down her spine, but her heart was longing to hear him whisper in her ear rather than through the phone.

Lucy: ‘No…I miss you. Too much. And my bed is huge, and you’re not here. I know we’re trying to set healthy boundaries but…’

Tim: ‘Screw the boundaries. I’m on my way.’

Lucy’s lips curved into a smile, and she felt like a 16 year old with a high school crush that she was sneaking around with in fear of her strict parents. A feeling she knew all too well unfortunately.

Lucy: ‘Let me know when you’re here…I kind of made a bet with Jackson that I could last 2 days without you, and he said I wouldn’t even make it through the evening.’  

Tims laugh sounded like pure heaven through the phone.

Tim: ‘Okay baby. I’ll let you know. I’m going to hang up so I can drive. See you in a little bit.’

—

Lucy sat on the edge of her bed, anxiously waiting for the message from Tim to let her know he was there.

Twenty minutes later and her phone buzzed, and she quickly got up, being quiet as she pushed down her door handle and when she saw the dimly lit living room she was glad knowing that meant Isaac and Jackson were in bed.

She padded across the floor barefoot, and when she got to the door she couldn’t resist peeking through the peep hole, and there he was, smiling, hands shoved in his jeans, waiting for her.

Unlocking the door quietly was another task entirely but she managed it, and she pulled Tim inside and locked the door behind them.

When she turned around, he was right there, and the distance between them was nonexistent, but she didn’t care.

“Hi.” She whispered, letting her hands fall against his chest.

“Hey. I missed you, so much.” His hands found her waist, and he tucked his fingers into the waistband of her pyjama shorts.

“Did you eat?” Lucy questioned seriously, because she had been the one to mostly cook for them over the last week, and she knew Tim had a tendency not to eat otherwise.

“Yeah, there was some leftovers from last night in the fridge. Don’t worry. Can I take you to bed?” He leant down to whisper the last part in her ear, and she practically melted at the sound of his voice.

“I thought you’d never ask.” Was all Lucy could say, so she didn’t protest when Tim slid his hands to the back of her thighs and pulled her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist.

—

Afterwards, when they were cuddling, Lucy’s bed seemed just right, with them both in each other’s arms, naked, and content.

“Is it going to be a sneaking me out mission in the morning too?” Tims voice disturbed the silence, but Lucy didn’t mind, she’d missed his voice, and how their conversations just flowed effortlessly.

“No. I don’t care. I want you to stay.” Lucy buried herself into his chest and when he kissed her shoulder she smiled.

“You are everything I ever wanted, and I’m glad that the universe pushed us together.” Tims fingers drew patterns on her back and the calming gesture made her eyes feel heavy until she couldn’t stay awake any longer and she fell asleep in his arms.

•••

—tim

The next morning was exactly how he pictured every morning going, and how he hoped they would.

He’d woken up first, and not even ten minutes later Lucy had appeared from her room in his shirt, her hair all over the place but to him, she was still the most beautiful girl in the world.

“I can’t believe you just happened to get everything for pancakes, it’s almost like you were planning to break our ‘two day break’ rule.” Tim teased as she passed him two plates and the blueberries from the fridge.

He didn’t miss the way she rolled her eyes, but he reached over and covered her nose and part of her cheek with pancake batter, and her laugh was like the sweetest melody.

She tried to get him back, but she ended up getting more batter on herself than him, so she excused herself to change, and Tim kept an eye on the pancakes, not having noticed Jackson stood watching him, until he cleared his throat.

•••

—jackson

The laughter from the kitchen was what drew Jackson from his bed, and he was discreet as he poked his head out of his bedroom door so he could see what was going on, and sure enough Lucy hadn’t been able to last the night because he could see her and Tim in the kitchen making breakfast. Lucy drowned in Tim’s shirt, both of them smiling and laughing.

When Lucy eventually left he decided it was the best time to come out of his room and he made his way into the kitchen, and he made his presence known to Tim.

“Hi, I’m Jackson. You must be Tim Bradford.” Jackson reached out to shake his hand. Waiting whilst he dried his hands on the towel.

“Hi, nice to meet you Jackson, Lucy’s told me great things about you!” His smile was sincere, but Jackson knew he wouldn’t be doing his rightful duties as Lucy’s best friend if he didn’t steer the conversation in the direction he wanted.

“She’s happy, happier than I’ve ever seen her, but you have my word, that if you even think of hurting her, I’ll hurt you.”

Tims face faltered slightly, and Jackson felt a little bit of triumph.

“I wouldn’t dare, she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I won’t hurt her.” Tims voice was steady, and there was a look in his eyes, a softness when he spoke about her, that satisfied Jackson for the moment.

“Good. Are there extra pancakes up for grabs?” Jackson changed the subject when Lucy came back into the kitchen, and he didn’t miss the bashful look on her face when she noticed him.

“Yeah there’s loads. Please, help yourself.” Tim pushed an already full plate over to Jackson, and then he saw how Lucy gravitated towards him, and how Tim’s attention was instantly focused on her, and only her.

“Morning Lu.” Jackson teased, moving to grab two plates for him and Isaac.

“Morning Jackson.” Lucy replied with her head against Tim’s shoulder, a lazy, happy smile on her face.

Jackson would’ve teased her. But she was so happy, and he didn’t want to interrupt that.

“Thanks for the pancakes.” Is all he said, and then headed off into his room, eager to see if the pancakes tasted as good as they smelled and looked.

-later that evening-

—lucy

Whilst Isaac had gone to get some more clothes and Tim had gone to pick up take out Lucy was left with Jackson alone, and as they both curled up on the couch, she took the opportunity to confide in her best friend.

“What do you think of Tim?” Her question seemingly fell on deaf ears until Jackson turned around and began to talk.

“I’m going to be 100% honest with you Lucy because I love you, and you’re my best friend and practically my sister, and I know that’s what you need from me,” Jackson’s unreadable expression sort of put Lucy on edge but then he broke out into a soft smile, “when I first met him, albeit briefly, at the karaoke bar, I thought he was trouble, but that’s because I assume that with every boy after your heart. But the way I saw him looking at you all night and when he caught you from falling offstage, I knew I could trust him, at least a little. But the morning after, when you snook in, and you were wearing his shirt and a smile bigger than I’ve seen you wear since I’ve known you, I know he must’ve been special. Different from other men. He loves you; I can see it in the way he’s always staring at you, and how he treats you, I know you don’t think this is some summer fling, but I can tell you that he doesn’t see it that way either. You have this aura of light whenever I see you now and that’s all because of Tim. I already told him I’ll hurt him if he hurts you, so I’ve done my big brother duties. So, as long as he keeps his promise, I’m happy that you’re happy.”

Jackson’s deductions and observations were welcomed and quite frankly they were music to Lucy’s ears. And she didn’t hesitate to lean forward and pull him in for the biggest hug.

“Thank you. I really really think he’s it for me you know? Like, it’s only been a week, but I’ve already shown him parts of me that I’ve never dared to reveal to others. We’re not rushing things, of course. But I think by the time July is over, if it’s still what he wants, if I’m still what he wants. That that’ll be it. No more new relationships and one night stands. I can really see myself marrying him Jackson and having a family with him. Is that crazy?” Lucy’s positive that she does sound slightly deranged, because it had been a whole 7 days and she was already planning out a life with Tim.

“I think, you’ve met your soulmate, and that you feel so comfortable with him, that all of those things that people normally take months if not years deliberating over, are coming naturally to you because you love him, and you feel safe and secure with him, and his intentions are clearly matching yours. I know you’ll do what’s right and what’s best for you both, just know that I’ll be here for you for anything you need okay?” Jackson parted with wisdom that Lucy hadn’t heard from him before and she knew he approved of Tim, and that made Lucy visibly relax and she sunk back against the couch and let herself focus on the tv show that Jackson had turned on.

One ear listening out for the key in the door, meaning that Tim would be back.

•••

—tim

After picking up tacos, and a small bouquet of freesias for Lucy, he started to drive back to Lucy and Jackson’s college apartment, and on a whim he called his sister.

—

Genny: ‘Hey Timothy, long time no talk, how’s my favourite brother?’

Tim rolled his eyes playfully because he’d missed his sister’s sarcasm and quips that she seemed to only reserve for him. Since he’d moved out he didn’t frequent home as much as he’d have liked, but now he had Lucy he wanted to at least arrange a visit, so Genny and his mom could meet her.

Tim: ‘Gennifer. I’m your only brother of course I’m your favourite. But I’m good, I’m great actually. How are you?’

Genny: ‘I’m fine. Mom’s fine too. You, Timothy Alexander Bradford are great? Wow. You have to spill it all. Did you win the lottery, or did you meet someone?’

Tim didn’t answer straight away, mostly because he was smiling so much, and because he was trying not to run a red light and get into an accident.  

Genny: ‘OH MY GOD! YOU DID!’

Genny’ s voice was loud and screeching and it crackled through his speaker, and he winced.  

Tim: ‘As a matter of fact, I did. Her name’s Lucy and she’s just…she’s perfect. As close to perfect as anyone can be. I know I’ve dated other people before, but I have never ever felt so, in love than I do with her. She’s special Genny. I really really do love her. We only met a week ago, but I already know I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want to marry her one day and have a family. I really am just head over heels for this girl, and when I say she’s it for me, I mean it.’  

This time it was Genny’s turn to stay silent and Tim knew she was processing everything he’d just said. Even he was still processing it all.

She was quiet. For maybe three or four minutes. But then she started to speak.

Genny: ‘She sounds like the one, and Tim, I am so happy for you. You deserve everything good, and it sounds like Lucy is the good thing for which you’ve been waiting. Please, don’t wait too long to bring her over. I know I want to meet her, and mom will too. Thanks for confiding in me, I know I’ve been a bit of dick recently.’

Tim softened at his sister’s admission, and he tried to shake off the feeling of guilt over not going to visit more.

Tim: ‘You’ve been going through a lot I should have been there more. But it’s okay, I promise to try harder, and call more, and I’ll definitely bring Lucy home to see you, and mom. Thanks for listening, I know to anyone else I’d have sounded absolutely ridiculous. I have to go now because I’m back at her apartment, but I’ll text you tomorrow. I love you Gen.’

Genny: ‘I love you too.’

Tim falsely thought she’d end the call after her response, but she was still on the line when he turned off the ignition and when she spoke again he knew why.

Genny: ‘Use protection! You’re probably having sex like rabbits, knowing you, and how much you sound like you’re already a married couple. We don’t want little Lucy’s or little Timothy’s running around just yet.’

Tim rolled his eyes, but he knew his sister was offering him some hard won perspective. Considering she was pregnant with her first child at the age of 20 because she hadn’t used protection and been careful.

Tim: ‘I will…now I’m going to actually go now because she’s waiting for me. Bye Genny.’

Genny: ‘Bye Tim, I love you, and I’ll mail you some condoms.’

—

Tim physically rolled his eyes so hard that they probably should have fallen out of his head. But he pushed his thumb against the red end call button and then grabbed the bag of food and headed upstairs.

When he walked into the apartment, Isaac and Jackson had settled on the armchair and were cuddled up together, and Lucy had stood up the moment he stepped in the door, and she immediately folded into his arms.

“Hey. I wasn’t gone for that long. Everything okay?” He kissed the top of her head and then followed her into the kitchen.

“Yeah. Everything’s perfect now you’re here. And with food too.” Lucy started dishing everything up and after putting the flowers into a vase, Tim went to make everyone a drink.

So, when they all had a plate of food, and he got to sink into the comfort of the couch, with Lucy sat beside him, he felt content, and accepted and at home. But he knew that as much as that was down to the fact that Jackson approved of him, it was because Lucy was his home.

He did truly love her, and the sooner he could tell her that, the better. But for now, he would stick to showing her with the small, sweet gestures that brought the biggest smile to her face.

Because he would do anything for her.

Anything.

Chapter Text

•week three•

—lucy

Lucy woke up and Tim wasn’t anywhere close to her when she reached for him, and she groaned in annoyance when she opened her eyes and realised he actually wasn’t even in bed anymore.

It wasn’t often he woke up in the middle of the night, so after Lucy woke herself up properly enough to pull on some clothes, which was really just her underwear and Tim’s shirt she decided to go and try and find where Tim had ended up.

Her feet made contact with the cool hardwood floors. And she shivered as a breeze wrapped its arms around her and she in turn wrapped her arms around herself, and as she got closer to the living room she hoped she could convince Tim to come back to bed pretty imminently.

She found him stood at the island, a glass of water in his hand, and he was staring out the patio windows. His face barely lit up by the string of lights she’d convinced Tim to put up above the cabinets, just so she didn’t trip when she went to get a glass of water in the night like she had done a few times before.

Lucy stood in the doorway, leaning her tired frame against the wall, and she stifled a yawn.

“Baby? Is everything okay? Come back to bed.”

She watched as he looked over at her, and then he held out his hand and Lucy smiled tiredly at him, all thoughts of going back to bed were abandoned, and she immediately walked over to him.

He took her in his arms, and she let her head rest against his bare chest, listening to the steady thump of his heartbeat, and it calmed her down.

“Sorry I couldn’t sleep, and I didn’t want to disturb you.” Tim whispered, and when Lucy heard him sigh, she moved her head and cupped his face with her hands, looking straight at him.

“Something on your mind my love?” Lucy was about to suggest that they go and sit on the couch, but Tim lifted her up and sat her on the kitchen island and she smiled now more or less face to face with him.

“I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have you.” He stood in between her bare thighs and Lucy wrapped her feet together so she had him trapped, and her arms looped around his neck.

“I’m the lucky one actually. You’ve practically let me move in, and you treat me like a queen. You truly are amazing Tim.”

Words ceased to be spoken, and Lucy took immense pleasure in pressing her lips to Tim’s, until their bodies were so close that they might as well have been one person, and Lucy almost asked Tim to take her to bed that second.

But they had all the time in the world for that, so after a heated, and extremely enjoyable make out session, she pulled back, breathing heavily and letting her forehead rest against his.

“Dance with me?” She whispered softly, and when Tim helped her down from the island, she shivered when her feet touched the cold floor again, but as soon as she was wrapped up in his arms, that didn’t matter.

Tim put a song on, and Lucy smiled softly when she recognised it, Tim had apparently decided that it was their song, and Lucy hadn’t exactly disagreed. It was a very beautiful song, and she enjoyed the melody but also the message in the lyrics.

—

Best Part by Daniel Caesar ft.H.E.R filled the dimly lit expanse of kitchen they were in.

‘You don’t know babe. When you hold me. And kiss me slowly. It’s the sweetest thing. And it don’t change…

If I had it my way, you would know that you are…you’re the coffee that I need in the morning, you’re my sunshine in the rain when it’s pouring, won’t you give yourself to me? Give it all…oh.’

Lucy hummed along as she let herself sway with Tim, and even after a few more elaborate dance moves, she craved the closeness and pressed herself back against his bare chest.

‘I just wanna see. I just wanna see how beautiful you are. You know that I see it, I know you’re a star. Where you go I’ll follow, no matter how far.

If life is a movie, then you’re the best part, oh. You’re the best part, ooh, oh-oh-oh-oh, best part.’

“Nothing is ever going to feel like this, if we’re not meant to last forever, and I’m not saying that because I want things to end, but if something happens. I know that I’ll never ever feel love like this again. You make me feel safe and adored and just wanted. I don’t want us to end.” Lucy’s admission seemed to make Tim feel something because he pulled her close to him, and he pressed his lips to her temple. He didn’t sing, rather he spoke the next verse, and Lucy melted further into his arms.

“It’s this sunrise, and those brown eyes, yes. You’re the one that I desire. When we wake up, and then we make love, it makes me feel so nice. You’re my water when I’m stuck in the desert, you’re the Tylenol I take when my head hurts, you’re the sunshine on my life.”

Everything was just perfect right now.

‘I just wanna see how beautiful you are. You know that I see it, I know you’re a star. Where you go, I’ll follow, no matter how far. If life is a movie, then you’re the best part. Oh-oh-oh-oh…you’re the best part…oh-oh-oh-oh…best part.’

—

As the song faded out all Lucy could focus on was the way Tim’s lips had found her sweet spot behind her ear, and she didn’t care about dancing anymore, she just wanted him to take her to bed.

•••

—the next morning

—tim

Somehow, Lucy had managed to get him into a routine in just 2 short weeks, and he wasn’t saying that he didn’t enjoy spending time with her, or that he particularly hated grocery shopping, it was more fun with her, but when it came to their Saturday mornings he could think of 100 things he would rather be doing than walking around the store that was full of families and stray kids, and rude people.

“Do we need this?” Lucy questioned when she picked something up off of the shelf, and Tim didn’t answer her straight away, focusing on the fact that she’d said ‘we’ in relation to some sort of floor cleaner.

We. He smiled. Lucy hadn’t officially moved in, but she might as well have, and now they were grocery shopping together, and she’d just said ‘we’ so nonchalantly as if they’d been together for years.

“Baby? Are you okay over there?” When she moved closer and touched his arm he seemed to shake off the trance and smiled at her.

“Sorry I was in my own world. Yeah, you might as well get some.” Tim nodded to the cleaner in her right hand and then she put it on the cart, and they carried on browsing the aisle.

When they were finally done, they queued up and Tim helped Lucy put everything on the conveyor belt, but then he realised they’d forgotten something.

“I forgot shaving cream. I’ll be right back.” Tim abandoned the potato chips in the cart and quickly headed back to the aisle he needed so he didn’t hold up the other shoppers waiting to use the till they were on.

But as soon as Tim approached the till, he saw Lucy laughing, and the cashier leaning forward every so slightly too close, and how his eyes were not on her face and instead on her boobs, and Tim felt jealousy bubble up inside him and he not so subtly put the shaving cream on the conveyor belt which seemed to deter the cashier from doing anything else.

He helped Lucy pack the groceries silently and then took charge of the cart after they’d paid, and he ignored Lucy’s confused questions and just drove them home.

They weren’t together.

Tim had no right to stop another man flirting with her, but he hated the way he’d felt when he saw them, how immediately he’d wanted to punch the dude in the face for even looking at his girlfriend’s boobs. But she wasn’t his. And Tim needed to remember that.

At some point. Lucy had just stopped talking to him altogether, and she even seemed mad, so after they got all the groceries in the house, he thought she’d storm off and go sit in the garden or their room and take a bit of time, but she stood in the kitchen, the island separating them, and she was unreadable.

“What?” Tim threw the remark at her and carried on filling the fridge, but he didn’t miss the audible huff and how she laughed sarcastically.

“Don’t what me Tim. You’re the one who’s been acting like an ass the whole ride home, you didn’t answer me when I asked you what was wrong and now you’re acting mad at me? What the hell!” Her voice wasn’t soft and welcoming anymore, and Tim stiffened, realising that this was the first time he’d heard Lucy get angry since they’d been together, like properly angry.

“Well, you didn’t seem to have a problem with flirting with the cashier, and he was having an extremely great conversation, with your boobs!” Tim abandoned the strawberries and stood up, he turned around to face her, and she was angry, he could see it in the way she had clenched her fists and narrowed her eyes.

“I wasn’t flirting. I was making conversation! And I am so sorry that I can’t control another man’s actions, but I didn’t ask him to look at my boobs!” Lucy had moved away from the kitchen island and was now closer to the living room, her hands in her hair and her eyes anywhere but on him.

“Do you know what, I don’t care, we’re not together, you can do whatever you want!” Tim shouted back at her, unable to get to the scene out of his head, it just kept replaying over and over.

But no longer had Tim said that he regretted it instantly because Lucy lost the anger, and she sunk down on the back of the couch, and finally made eye contact with him, but her eyes were sad and searching his, and he could see them pooling with tears.

He regretted what he said instantly. He hadn’t meant it. He wanted them to be together, he wanted to know that Lucy was his and only his, but he just didn’t want to make her feel like she had to make that decision, that she had to be tied down to him, because truthfully he hadn’t ever loved someone as much as he loved Lucy.

And he did. He didn’t just like her, and want to spend a few weeks with her, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, and he wished he’d thought about that before creating an argument, and a hostile environment.

“You’re right,” Lucy’s demeanour changed in an instant and she was back to being angry, and even though the tears had spilled over, he knew that she was mad, “we’re not together. So, I could just leave right now and find a random stranger and fuck him! But I don’t want to, and the sooner you get that in your head Tim, the better. I wasn’t flirting with the cashier, as much as you’re going to fight me on that, you’re the one making it into a problem and creating an argument and you think you get to stand there and accuse me of something without even pretending you want to hear my side of things! Do you know what? Fuck you Tim. I deserve someone who can trust me, and who listens to me, and doesn’t just jump to conclusions!” Lucy pushed herself off of the couch and started walking away, but Tim didn’t want her to, he was afraid that he’d lose her if he let her go now. And he couldn’t lose her. He loved her.

“I do care! I care about you Lucy, I love you!”

•••

—lucy

That stopped her.

A heavy silence settled around them after Tim said that, and Lucy stopped still in the middle of the hallway, fighting the urge to turn around instantly and just run into his arms.

He had made her feel like she was a liar, and that she cared for him so little that she would flirt with the first random guy she saw.

That had hurt her, so much, because she truly hadn’t had a clue, she had just been trying to be friendly and make conversation whilst she’d waited for Tim.

Lucy didn’t want the cashier or anyone else for that matter. She wanted Tim.

Two weeks was too quickly to completely know that she loved someone. Even if that someone was Tim, but she knew. Deep down. He was it for her.

Lucy loved him.

Part of her wanted to keep walking and leave Tim to think about what he’d done and how much he’d hurt her by not only accusing her of flirting with someone, but also basically saying that since they weren’t together that he didn’t care.

But he’d said he loved her. And Lucy couldn’t stop playing those words in her head over and over.

“I love you.” She whispered, slowly turning around, and when she saw him looking at her, not moving, she knew he hadn’t heard her.

So, she walked over to him, and when they were inches apart, she reached out and touched his arm.

“I love you.” It was soft, and gentle, and how she’d wanted it to be said for the first time; even if it was on the back of an argument, even if they’d only known each other for two weeks, Lucy was absolutely and irrevocably in love with him.

“You’re not just saying that? Just because I said it?” Tim finally answered, all the anger; and jealousy had been filtered from his body and he just felt like he was floating, and that Lucy’s hand on his arm was the only thing keeping him grounded.

Lucy shook her head, and this time, she leaned in to softly kiss his lips.

“I love you. I don’t want to see other people, and definitely not that cashier. I want you and only you, and that’s it. I know we’ve only known each other for two weeks Tim, but I don’t ever want to be without you. You’ve become this constant in my life, and you’ve made me so happy in such a short amount of time. I never thought it would be this easy to love someone and want to give them all of me. But you make it easy. I don’t want to just be someone who sleeps in your bed 6/7 nights a week, and kisses you, and makes love with you, I want to be your girlfriend. The only person in your life who gets to see you, the real you.” Lucy felt incredibly exposed being so vulnerable. But Tim made her feel safe enough to do that.

Tim looped his arm around her waist and pulled her close, and then Lucy reciprocated his actions and her arms looped around his neck.

“I’m sorry, for getting mad, for picking a fight and for jumping to conclusions. I just, had all of these feelings for you, and I got jealous when I realised that you weren’t under any obligation to stay with me. That you weren’t mine.” His apology was all she needed to hear. She leaned in and kissed him heavily this time.

“But for the record. You’re all mine. No one else’s. So, you’re my girlfriend, absolutely and completely, all mine.”

Tim moved them into the bedroom, and Lucy wondered if undoing the buttons on her jeans, or pulling her shirt over her head would be too forward, too much pressure on them both after they’d just argued and confessed that they loved each other, but then Tim picked her up and laid her on the bed, and then crawled in beside her so they were facing each other.

“I just want to lay here. With you. And talk. Is that okay?” Tim whispered, his hand gently brushing her hair out of her face.

Lucy nodded because it absolutely was.

“What did you want to talk about?” She whispered, inching a little bit closer to him as they settled into a comfortable position, and Lucy let Tim guide her hand to his, and their fingers interlaced.

“Everything. Us? How are you feeling, because I don’t know about you but I’m still in a little bit of shock over the confessions. Not that I didn’t want to confess, but it happened because I started an argument, and not because either one of us were necessarily ready.”

Lucy sort of laid there for a minute, not talking, just staring at Tim, and she wondered how lucky she was.

No one, ever, had given her such an easy opportunity to talk, and no relationship she had been in in the past had ever given her such a healthy view of communication.

“Yes, I agree that it came from anger, and frustration, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t want to say it, or that I wasn’t thinking about it. I love you, and not just in a ‘you’re good in bed and treat me well’ sense, but I love how open you are, and how attentive and understanding you are. How you make me feel safe and happy and how I can be completely myself around you. We don’t have to talk; we can just sit in silence and enjoy each other’s company. It’s beautiful, and I never thought I’d experience that kind of intimacy with anyone.” Lucy felt so much warmth spread throughout her body as she allowed herself to be open and honest and raw with Tim, and when he reached out, unlinking their fingers so he could rest his hand on her thigh, she looked at him and smiled softly, pressing a kiss on his cheek.

“What about you?” Lucy offered him the same opportunity to open up and she hoped that he’d take it.

“I wish I’d said it sooner. I wish I hadn’t started an argument with you. But no relationship is perfect and even though it was more of a bicker than an argument, it felt good in a way, to have our first fight. We’ve been living in this constant state of bliss and understanding, and don’t get me wrong I’ve loved being with you. But like I said, no one’s perfect. I love you, more than I’ve ever loved anyone else, and I hope you know that, and I hope you know I’ll remind you of that always. I think that the fact that we do just work so well together may seem brilliant, but I think it’s also going to be important that we do get better at communicating so we can talk about things that are bothering us. To avoid fighting. By dealing with the conflict and feelings in an appropriate and healthy manner. When I’m with you I feel safe and supported and like we’re one person, so in sync. I trust you so much Lu, and I am so glad I met you.” Tims confession brought tears to her eyes, and she smiled when Tim reached out to gently wipe his thumb over her cheek.

“I’m so glad I met you too, you have made my life so much better, and I honestly don’t want to lose you. Ever. So, I promise you that we’ll communicate and talk to each other, and that we will work through anything that life throws at us.” Lucy tangled her legs with Tims, but she hated laying in bed with so many layers on, not to mention how warm she was feeling in her jeans.

“What do you say to showering, and then just having a chilled out day? I’ve been wanting to just relax and enjoy you before Jackson drags me away this weekend.” Lucy pondered how she’d be when she spent the weekend with Jackson and his family, it was a tradition they’d started in the last couple years of school and had continued into college, that Lucy joined Jackson for the first part of their family holiday. Especially with Lucy’s rocky relationship with her parents, it had been a welcomed escape and now it was just a wonderful few days that she got to spend with her second family.

Jackson had told her that she could bring Tim, and she’d brought it up to him, but after talking with him about it he didn’t feel comfortable, and he wanted Lucy to have a good time and he promised he’d pick her up after she got back.

Tims lips captured hers and she inched forward her body needing to be close to him when his tongue slid across her bottom lip, and she was already at his mercy.

Tim broke apart from the kiss, “shower and relaxing; both things I love doing with you.”

So, they showered, and other things which meant they used up all the hot water again, and then when Lucy finally decided on which shirt of Tim’s she was stealing, and he’d moved his comforter and their pillows to the couch, they curled up under the covers and Lucy just enjoyed being in his arms.

“Okay random question incoming, and you don’t have to answer, but I’m just curious.” Tim interrupted the silence, but Lucy wasn’t really focusing on the movie, and was so cosy that she was pretty sure she was going to fall asleep curled up in Tim’s arms and surrounded by the warm comforter.

“Go on.” Lucy smiled as she moved her head to look up at him, adjusting her position so she could give him her full attention.

“Do you want kids? I know that this is insane, and I really am just probably overstepping the limit today. But we said we’d communicate with each other, and I’ve been thinking about it that’s all.” He sounded very quiet and like he was embarrassed and maybe a little bit nervous about the question, and Lucy had to admit it had caught her off guard, but she wasn’t uncomfortable with the question, nor did she not want to answer, she actually felt happy that Tim had found himself so comfortable with her that he could ask her that question.

“I’d love kids. Obviously not right now, but I do one day, and I would love nothing more than to start a family with you. We have a long time before that happens, and we have so many things we can do together before we even approach the subject with any intention, but yes. I do. I can just imagine you being an amazing dad Tim.” Lucy felt him shift uncomfortably and he tensed up at the end of her sentence and Lucy reached out and gently laid her hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat get faster.

“My dad was a shit dad. He was abusive and just emotionally checked out. I don’t want to end up like him, I’m scared that I will.”

And at that moment, Lucy fell so much more in love with Tim, because she knew how hard it must have been for him to share that with her. But just from the sheer fact that he trusted her enough, it made her heart simultaneously melt and break.

“I’m sorry baby, that your dad was a bad dad,” Lucy started, and she pulled Tim in for a hug, letting him know that she was there, “I’m so proud of you for telling me, thank you, but I need you to listen to me when I say this. You are nothing like your dad, you never have been, and you never will. You’ll be a brilliant dad to our children when the time comes, and I cannot wait for that moment. I love you so much.” Her heart ached for the little boy inside Tim who didn’t know how loved he was or how loved he was going to be, and she didn’t need Tim to tell her anything else, she wasn’t even sure she could bare to hear it, knowing that someone could hurt their child like that. But she was glad he’d confided in her.

“Thank you babe, I love you too. How many kids are we talking?” Tim was eager to move on, she could tell, but she didn’t mind. She knew he’d talk about it more if he needed to, she knew that he knew she was there.

Lucy kissed his cheek and then pretended to be deep in thought as she broached his question.

“Four? Yeah, four is pretty perfect. They’ll all have someone to play with. Although I think we’ll have more girls than boys. I think one boy and three girls.” Lucy had always wanted a little boy first, and now she had Tim, she was excited about the prospect of a little boy with his beautiful blue eyes and his sense of humour and kindness, and Lucy wondered how long they would end up waiting before they made it a reality.

“Four kids sounds perfect. Although, I’ve always thought I’d have a girl first. I don’t know why. I imagine she’d look just like you, maybe blue eyes when she’s born but then they’d turn brown. She’d have your smile, and your heart. Lucy…I really can’t wait to start a family with you.”

Hearing Tim say that, caused an explosion of butterflies all throughout her body and she was so excited and happy that they were on the same page.

It probably wouldn’t happen for a while, preferably they’d meet each other’s families, and Lucy would finish her degree and they’d be in their own place and be financially stable, but Lucy wouldn’t be mad if things happened sooner for them, because she planned on never letting Tim go, so it really didn’t matter when their family started, not to her anyway.

“Neither can I, but I want to cherish the time we have now. Everything seems to be going slow, but then you end up realising that really time was flying away from you and before we know it we’ll have forgotten to enjoy the smaller moments, and I don’t want to do that, I want to enjoy every single second that we have.”

Lucy felt Tim move so she was in a comfier position and then he started gently moving his hand up and down her bare back, the swirling patterns sent her into a deep state of relaxation, and she curled up against him.

“I promise you we will. We always will. Every day I get with you, ever hour, every minute, I promise to cherish. Because you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I never want to take that for granted. I love you, and our hypothetical future family, our son and three daughters.”

Lucy sighed softly and buried her head against Tim’s chest, “I love you too. More than anything in the entire universe.”

If this was what true love felt like, Lucy was glad she was experiencing it with Tim, because even though she wasn’t one to believe in soulmates, if they were real, Tim was hers.

He was everything she’d been looking for and more and she knew that she would do anything to mean she didn’t have to live in a world where he wasn’t. Because that was an unthinkable scenario that she hoped would never come true.

Chapter Text

• week four•

—lucy

Spending time with Jackson and his family had been exactly what she needed, not that she didn’t enjoy spending time with Tim, but as they’d already discovered, spending time apart was just as important as spending time together.

So, on the Sunday evening, after being with the West family since Thursday, Lucy was having mixed feelings about leaving them, and also wanting to go home, and when she said home, she meant Tim.

He was her home.

Their lake house was a place that Lucy always felt safe at, but this time, something was missing, and that something was Tim. Him sleeping beside her, the way his arms would wrap around her when they slept, and how he would pull her close to him.

Lucy had escaped the hubbub in the living room after they’d all cleaned up after dinner and she had taken refuge on the porch swing, curled up with a blanket and a mug of hot chocolate, and she wanted to message Tim, she wanted to call him just so she could hear his voice, but she didn’t, trying to remind herself that they would be back together tomorrow.

Her phone sat in her lap, but she didn’t make any movements towards touching it, but then his name flashed up on her screen and he was calling her. A photo of them both was Tims contact icon, and it displayed on the screen as she watched the call ring out.

At the last second, she reached for her phone and pressed accept and put the phone to her ear.

—

Tim: “Hey you, sorry if I’m interrupting but I just missed you, and your voice, and I can’t wait to see you again tomorrow.”  

Lucy leant back against the wooden seat and all of her worries of being clingy and too much washed away when she heard Tim say he missed her.

Lucy: “Hey baby. I missed you too. I was going to call but I didn’t want to bother you, I figured you were busy or with Genny. Can I come straight over to your place tomorrow when I get back?”

Tim’s chuckle on the other end of the line made the warmth spread throughout her stomach to every corner of her body.

Tim: “You could never bother me, Lu. And of course you can, I plan on making up for all of the kissing and cuddling that we haven’t been able to do. But that’s for tomorrow. How’s your break been? And Genny says hi by the way.”

Lucy: “Hi Genny. Tell her I hope she’s doing well and that I can’t wait to meet her soon. I’d come home right now if I could…the break has been great, I’ve missed you, but I’ve loved seeing Jackson’s family and just being around them. They’re my second family and I’ve missed them. Jackson’s mom told me that I have to bring you next summer. No excuses. She really wanted to meet you, but I promised her we’d both come next time.”

Tim: “I’d love nothing more. We should plan a little holiday before you go back to school. How does a road trip sound? We could swing by my mom's place, you can meet her and Genny and then we could go along the coast, spend each night at a different place.”

Lucy glanced over at the patio door and saw Jackson’s mom waving at her and she smiled at her with a gentle grin, holding up two fingers letting her know she’d be two minutes.

Lucy: “I would love that. We can talk about it tomorrow, I love you, but I should get back to everyone, I snook outside and it’s getting a little chilly now. I love you so much, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Tim: “I love you too baby, so so much. Let me know when you’re travelling back tomorrow. Bye Lu.”

Lucy: “Bye Tim.”

—

Lucy tucked her phone away and then waved at Andrea who promptly opened the patio door and closed it behind her, walking over to her and sitting next to her, covering her up with another blanket.

“Hi sweetie, was that your Tim on the phone?” Andrea leant back and turned her head to look at her and Lucy smiled softly.

“Yeah, he was just calling to let me know that he missed me, and that he can’t wait to see me tomorrow.” Lucy felt the way her cheeks got warm, and she knew she was blushing.

“You really really like him, don’t you?” Andrea reached over and laid her hand over hers, squeezing gently before she pulled away.

“I don’t just like him Andrea, I love him. I know we’ve only been together for three weeks, and that from an outside perspective we’re taking things entirely too fast, but I don’t want anyone else. He’s it for me,” her hand twisted the moonstone ring and she smiled at the memory of Tim giving it to her on their first date, “I want everything with him, a life that I used to only dream of. He’s perfect. And I know I’m probably biased. But Jackson’s even given him his blessing, and Jackson’s hated every single person I dated. Tim isn’t just a fling, or a short-term relationship, I can seriously see myself getting married to him and having a family. When I think about my future now, Tim’s part of that. I don’t know what I did to deserve him.” Lucy couldn’t help but wonder if maybe one day Tim would realise, she wasn’t everything he wanted and he’d leave her, but she knew that that was just unnecessary doubt that sat in the back of her mind, and she just needed to ignore that nagging voice, because Tim loved her just as much as she loved him.

“Lucy. You deserve everything good in this world. You are a wonderful young woman, and I am so grateful to have you in my life and that you’re part of Jackson’s life. If Tim makes you happy and treats you well, that’s all I can ask for. You deserve it. Hearing you talk about him, and seeing the smile on your face as you do, it makes me so happy.” Andrea leaned forward and pulled her in for a hug and Lucy settled into the embrace.

Things with her parents would never be easy, she knew that, and they would always have their opinions on what was right for her, and Lucy would always disagree. Not having them as a main part of her life was what was best for both parties, and she didn’t need them anymore. She’d made her own family and it had been the best choice she’d ever made.

“Thank you. For listening and for just being here. I love Jackson and I love your family. You’ve been so kind and generous to me, and I really appreciate it Andrea. I love you.”

“Oh sweetheart. We love you too, I love you. Come here.” Her hugs, they were the cure for everything bad in the world and Lucy felt like for a split second, that she was a little girl, enveloped in her mother's arms.

“Right, come on, let’s go back inside. It’s getting too chilly for me out here and I can see how pink your cheeks are from the cold.” She helped her up and Lucy folded up the blankets and then followed Andrea inside.

•••

—tim

After he hung up the phone, he was aware of the fact that his sister was staring at him, with a huge smile on her face.

“You two are so in love that it makes me have hope that I’ll find someone. When do I get to meet this sweet, ball of sunshine that is your Lucy?” Genny threw a popcorn kernel at him, and Tim rolled his eyes but moved from the kitchen to the couch and sat down beside her.

“Soon. I want her to meet you, and mom. I love her so much Genny. More than I have ever loved anyone. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone in the way that I love Lucy. You’re right, she is this ball of sunshine, she’s the light in the darkness and she has this ability to bring happiness to every single room she walks into. This isn’t some summer fling, when I think about five, ten even fifty years down the line, Lucy’s there, in my mind, in my future. You’re going to love her, moms going to love her. She is seriously the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” Tim knew he’d overshared, and he was being incredibly sappy and overly in love, but Lucy had that effect on him. He was pretty sure she was his soulmate. Even if he didn’t quite believe in the concept, he believed in the love that he felt for her, and how just hearing her voice, seeing her smile, had the ability to turn his day around.

“Tim…she makes you happy. That’s enough for me and it’ll be enough for mom. That’s all we both want. I’m glad you found your special person, and that you’re going to have a happy, love filled life. You deserve it.” Genny squeezed his hand and then placed it on her belly, and Tim smiled when his nephew kicked against his hand.

He wanted these moments with Lucy. A family. To watch her carry their children if they were blessed with that. He couldn’t wait to start a family with her.

“I promise. We’ll make plans and come and see you and mom in August.” Tim promised, letting Genny rest her feet in his lap as they both turned their attention to the tv.

As he laid in bed that night, all he could think about was how tomorrow it wouldn’t feel so big, so cold, because his girl would be back beside him, where she belonged.

•••

—lucy

Lucy didn’t think they’d ever been so quiet but so content.

Her weekend had ended, and she had come back to Tim’s after saying goodbye to Jackson, and immediately his arms had welcomed her, they had spent all day just talking, catching up and other things and now Lucy was in the garden, laid on the patio furniture wrapped in a blanket, and she was watching Tim in the kitchen cooking.

He kept glancing at her, as well as chopping up vegetables and dancing around the kitchen to whatever song was playing on the radio.

The stars were out, and Lucy kept trying to find the different constellations, but she couldn’t tear her eyes completely away from Tim.

She was trying to memorise every single detail, the blue of his eyes, and the crinkles by his eyes when he smiled, how his hands looked rough but the moment he touched her skin, they were the softest, safest part of him.

What had she done to deserve him. His laugh, his smile, his voice when he woke up in the morning, and the way he whispered goodnight. How he held her that little bit tighter when she had to go, and how his kisses were always heavier after time spent apart.

With anyone else, he was always slightly hardened and more outspoken, but with her, he was soft and gentle, and he opened up to her like a flower freshly in bloom, and she loved seeing him become the real Tim, the person under the steely glare and tall walls he built up.

But he’d built her a door, so she could come inside and coax him out and day by day Lucy would remove a brick, so that his walls would one day be non-existent, and Tim would just be Tim.

Timothy Alexander Bradford was hers.

Her soulmate. If they even existed.

Nothing could have ever prepared her for the love that she would experience as she walked side by side with Tim, learning how to love him, and at the same time how to love herself.

He taught her that, he would trace every curve, kiss every stretch mark, and every bump and blemish. He made her feel like she had been sculpted so perfectly and that she had been made just for him.

This must have been what true love was, and not in the cheesy, overly optimistic sense, but in the way that you become one with the person you love, from the second you meet.

It was true love in shared glances across the room.

It was true love in the little touches, that left the patches of skin on fire for hours after.

It was true love in the whispered confessions and midnight kisses.

It was true love in the sense that nothing that was thrown at them, was an obstacle too much for them to overcome, Lucy knew that life wasn’t smooth sailing and that to think that would make her naïve but god…with Tim by her side she knew that she could do anything that she wanted to, and that he would hold her hand, and he would know she’d be there to hold his hand too.

•

—tim

Having her back, under the same roof, in his arms, just a short few feet away, it settled his heart.

She was it. There wasn’t an explanation for that, that didn’t make him sound absolutely insane.

Because how did he explain to anyone that Lucy was more than just a missing piece she was final piece of the puzzle that he had been waiting for.

Looking at her from the kitchen, he saw how she was gazing up at the stars, and then back at him every now and then. He always caught her eyes, and he smiled so wide, so much so that his jaw ached from the smiling he was constantly doing, nothing had made him smile so much, so brightly, that was all her.

If someone had told him five years ago, before he entered his twenties that he was going to go on a journey to meet his true love, he’d have laughed in their face and then probably would have gone out drinking just to have something to do. Not giving his future a second thought.

But here he was.

And there she was.

A stranger. A friend. A lover. But also, so much more than that.

Girlfriend didn’t seem like the right way to describe her, she was more than a label, their relationship was more than just a conversation point.

Lucy was his future fiancée.

Lucy was his future wife.

Lucy was the future mother of their children.

Lucy was his future.

She wasn’t his past, but she was his present and everything that came after. And Tim couldn’t wait for that life, one that they were going to build together.

Lucy Elizabeth Chen was who he’d been waiting for and to be able to love her and see her love herself.

He was also learning to love himself by seeing himself through her eyes, it was something no one had ever made him feel before. This feeling that he was enough and that his past didn’t define him.

Before people had made up excuses as to why dating him, and his past with all his baggage wasn’t fair to them.

But Lucy…his Lucy, she’d taken his hand and the handle of the suitcase, and she’d helped him drag it home and she had helped him unpack it, together.

She had listened to everything, with an open heart, ready to offer advice or just let him know that she loved him no matter what.

Before they had met. Tim was lost. He was lonely. He was prepared for a life that would entail nothing exciting, just barely getting through each day.

Now, he was grateful for what they had. Their late-night conversations, and early morning confessions. The dancing in the kitchen in the middle of the night and the sunrises they watched from the comfort of their bed.

He loved her. Irrevocably. Unconditionally. Always.

And now, as he finished cooking their dinner, and started plating everything up, with a soft smile on his face, he watched how she made her way inside, wrapped in a blanket, and she silently set the table.

“Baby…can you come here?” Tim spoke quietly but Lucy heard him, she always heard him.

The blanket was removed from her body, and she returned it to its original place, draped over the back of the couch, and then she was in his space, her arms around his neck, her head on his chest.

“Mhmm.” Was all she mumbled, and Tim pressed his lips against her hair taking a deep breath, and there it was, that intoxicating scent of lavender and honey.

“I love you. So much.”

Lucy shifted when he said that, and he looked down, seeing her look up.

“I love you too baby. Always.” She grinned, and Tim didn’t think he’d ever get tired of seeing her beautiful smile, and over and over again he had to fight the urge to just capture every single moment in a photo or a video so he could have all of those moments forever.

“Let’s eat and then we can just cuddle all night, I have missed you being in my arms. I know we agreed that space is super important, but I miss you so much every time you’re not here with me. There’s actually something I’ve been meaning to ask you…” Tim took a breath, because he hadn’t expected to ask her this so soon, and he knew she’d had a long day, and that maybe he should have just waited until tomorrow.

“Ask me what?” Lucy stood up straighter so she could look at him properly and Tim moved back a couple of inches, and he slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out the key.

“It doesn’t have to be a huge thing; we don’t have to make it anything. But I love you. I love waking up with you and having you here, and I was wondering if you’d move in with me? I’m not talking everything; not straight away, maybe you could just have a drawer, and a quarter of the wardrobe and you can leave your toothbrush in the holder, next to mine. But I want your shoes by the door and your clothes all over my floor and you in my bed, every morning, and every night.”

Tim watched Lucy’s face, and how she seemed to be deep in thought, glancing from him to the key, and then she leaned in and softly kissed his lips.

“I might need two drawers?” Her grin was so wide, and it sent shivers down his spine, and Tim pulled her close and just held her in his arms.

It was so easy, that decision, she made it without them needing to talk about it in length, because they trusted each other so much, that they knew whatever happened, they’d face it together.

•

—lucy

So, Lucy did just that. Barely waiting a day to do so.

Two drawers of her clothes in Tim’s dresser.

A quarter of the wardrobe, filled with spattering of colour that contrasted with Tim’s monotone half of the closet.

Her purple toothbrush sat beside his blue one, and Lucy finished by leaving her shoes at the door.

His key sat on her keychain, and she smiled every time she looked at it.

After moving in, she settled on the couch and watched as Tim busied himself with tidying things whilst he was talking to his sister on the phone and Lucy pulled her phone out and saw that she had a couple of unread messages from Jackson.

—

To Lucy:

From Jackson:

‘I’m going to miss you, but I am happy for you Lulu. You and Tim are made for each other. He makes you so happy and knowing that you’re happy is all that matters. Your room will still be your room. I won’t change a thing. If you ever need to come back, or just want to. Please do.’

To Lucy:

From Jackson:

‘I remember when we first met, and how shy you were, and how long it took for me to get you to open up. It was worth it when you trusted me completely, but I’ll never forget how long it took for me to see the real you.

You know how I know that Tim’s the one? Because you asked him over in the middle of the night and snook around like a couple of teenagers afraid of getting caught, and I heard your laugh, the laugh that took me months to hear. You were yourself around him from the very beginning.

I love you endlessly Lucy Chen, and I hope you understand where I’m coming from when I say that I hope you don’t come back here. I want you to be happy with Tim, and I know that you will.

I’ll see you soon.

Don’t miss me too much.’

—

As she read his words, and looked over at Tim, as she caught his gaze and he gave her his biggest smile, she settled back against the couch cushions, and there was a heavy feeling of relief and comfort that settled in her stomach, it weighed her down but not in a bad way.

She felt like she was exactly where she was supposed to be.

Falling in love with Tim.

Falling in love with herself.

Falling in love with the life she had always dreamed she’d have.

Chapter Text

•weeks 5•

—lucy

Living with Tim was perfect, every single second she spent in their home, she fell more in love with him.

Somehow, they’d managed to grow even closer, and Lucy found herself so in sync with Tim, and he was so in sync with her. The only way she could describe it was just pure, domestic bliss.

Never had she felt so comfortable and at ease than when she was sharing a space with Tim. And Lucy had told herself to set boundaries, that she had the apartment with Jackson to go to if she needed, and that it didn’t mean that they weren’t doing well if they needed to spend time apart.

But Lucy hadn’t even thought about it. Being apart from Tim was the furthest thing from her mind, and she wondered if her moving in had been either the best idea, or the worst.

For now, Lucy chose to see it as a good thing, and she enjoyed waking up with him in the morning and curling up beside him at night.

How he’d wake her up in the morning with a coffee, and how she convinced him every single time to come back to bed and cuddle.

How she enjoyed setting an earlier alarm some days just so she could make Tim breakfast, or even run out to their favourite breakfast place and surprise him.

Two weeks of them, living together and enjoying it, had only made her want their future to come so much sooner, because she knew that they were probably in the honeymoon phase of their relationship, especially with their newly facilitated living situation, but Lucy wasn’t so sure she believed in those superstitions, or the idea that they couldn’t just be happy from the beginning.

—

Lucy had been beaten to it that morning, and her plans to make Tim breakfast were turned around, so when she finally woke up to the sun spilling through a gap in the curtains, she rolled over and hoped to bump into Tim, but instead she got his empty side of the bed, and this made her open her eyes and look around, sitting up so quickly that stars were clouding her vision.

“Tim? Baby?” Her voice wavered but then she was immediately put at ease by the sight of her boyfriend coming into their room, shirtless, messy hair, and two mugs of what Lucy presumed was coffee from the aroma that had filled the room.

Her stomach felt heavy, and she frowned slightly because normally her morning coffee made her feel hungry for breakfast, and not sick like it was doing.

Lucy grasped the mug in her hands and looked over at Tim with the most convincing smile she could muster, “thank you.”

She took a few sips before putting the coffee mug onto the bedside table and curling back up in bed.

“Sorry you woke up without me baby. You were tossing and turning all night and I didn’t want to wake you up. Are you feeling okay? You look a little pale.” Tim sat down on the edge of the bed and Lucy moved closer to him and sighed softly at the way he gently pushed her hair back and rubbed his thumb against her temple, leaning in for a kiss.

“I feel okay, just a bit tired and achy. But don’t worry about me, I think I’m just run down. We’ve been doing so much together lately, and I think we just got so excited that we forgot to take a breath and just let ourselves be slow and present.” Lucy was grateful when Tim got back into bed properly and helped her move so she was laid against him, and she focused on the steady thrum of his heartbeat, she let it settle her own.

“I think you’re probably right baby, how about we just stay in today, have a chilled-out morning and then do something in the afternoon if you’re feeling up to it?” The way that Tim was so understanding and caring, it never failed to make Lucy feel absolutely on top of the world, and one hundred percent certain that she had found her soulmate.

“I don’t want to do nothing; we could go to Emilia’s Diner for breakfast and then find a hiking trail. Pick up some things for a picnic beforehand and then we can just take our time. Then have a little date night at home after?” Lucy found herself moving her hand up and down Tim’s bare back as he pressed gentle kisses on her shoulder and her cheeks and forehead.

“That sounds perfect baby, anything with you is perfect, we could have just stayed in bed all day and I would have been content. You’re what makes my day better, and knowing you’re happy is all I need.”

The love in his voice was why Lucy knew that they were going to be okay, no matter what, because no matter how much they argued, or disagreed, they would always have the same amount of love for each other, before and after any sort of disagreement or bicker.

—

Getting dressed and ready seemed to be the hardest part of the day, and Lucy still hadn’t been able to shake the nausea that was overwhelming her, she almost wished she could actually throw up, so then maybe she’d feel better.

Nothing Lucy pulled out of the closet seemed comfortable enough to her, and she eventually settled on a pair of lightweight, soft leggings and one of Tim’s shirts, her stomach was bloated, and she didn’t want to wear anything that was going to make her more uncomfortable.

Then she spent the better part of half an hour doing her hair and stressing herself out because she didn’t want to be sick and then get Tim sick too.

Tim was waiting for her by the door when she finally finished getting ready and she plastered a smile on her face and then put her trainers on and kissed Tim on the cheek as she headed out the door.

—

Breakfast was actually good, despite Lucy worrying about her newfound aversion to coffee this morning and her lack of appetite afterwards, and she was glad that she was feeling slightly better.

“So, our August road trip. Are we planning it, or is it just going to be spontaneous?” Lucy questioned as they started walking a familiar hiking trail, she was slightly ahead of Tim, but she kept looking back and blowing him kisses which he pretended to catch and then throw back at her.

“We should probably have a loose plan in place because I don’t want to just show up unannounced and mess with any plans my mom or Genny have. They’ve said they’re free, but I know Genny is waiting on a doctor’s appointment and my mom is a very spontaneous person. I was thinking the second week of August?” Tim had managed to get in front of her and she was slightly confused when he stopped walking, so she did the same.

“Before we continue this conversation, piggyback ride?” Tim asked, already bending down facing away from her, and Lucy grinned, took the backpack with their picnic from him, and immediately got on Tim’s back, securing her arms around his neck as he secured his hands around her legs.

“Second week of August works for me.” Lucy agreed and then kissed Tim’s cheek.

They both enjoyed hiking so to be able to do it together was a great experience, and when they reached the top of this particular trail, there was a bench that sat at the top, and as much as spreading out their picnic blanket seemed enticing, the moment Lucy had read the engraving on the plaque on the bench she tugged Tim’s hand, and they sat down together.

“We sat at the top of this trail every evening of our anniversary for 50 years, and we want others to come and do the same. So, my wife asked for this bench to be put here when she passed, and I scattered her ashes here, and my ashes are scattered here too. Elizabeth and Alexander Hope – their love was strong for 52 years, and this view saw it all.” The engraving made Lucy cry, and she looked over at Tim as he reached out and grabbed her hand, and she hoped they’d have 50 years or more, she had so much love for the man sat opposite her, and she would never be able to share it all with him.

“You really are so beautiful Lucy.” Tims smile said it all, and Lucy leaned over and pulled him in for a kiss, she was lucky, so lucky, and she hated the feeling that was buried deep inside her that kept telling her that her luck wasn’t going to last forever.

They shared the picnic and Lucy took so many pictures, the view truly was so beautiful, and she even took a few photos of Tim when he wasn’t completely concentrating, and his smile was so captivating that Lucy couldn’t help but think about their future and hoped that their children had his smile.

Eventually it started getting colder and they made the choice to head back to the car, and by the time they reached the bottom Lucy was exhausted and she barely got buckled in before she leant her head against the window and with one hand on Tim’s thigh, she fell asleep.

But when they got back, Lucy woke up without Tim needing to coax her awake because no sooner had they pulled into the drive, Lucy’s stomach flipped and that alone woke her up.

She fumbled with her key and ran in the house, barely managing to make it to the bathroom before she threw up, and she wanted Tim, so when she felt him scoop her hair up and gently rub her back she felt calmer.

“Baby, are you okay?” He whispered, gently and when she was certain that she wasn’t going to throw up anymore she leant back against him, and let out a heavy sigh, slowly shaking her head so she didn’t get dizzy.

Tims hand touched her forehead, and she knew he was checking if she had a fever, but he didn’t seem satisfied when he removed his hand.

“You’re not overly warm, maybe it was something you ate at the picnic, or when we went out for breakfast?” He wiped across her forehead with a cool cloth even though she didn’t have a fever, and she sighed at the slight relief that she felt when he let the cool fabric sit on her forehead.

“I don’t know, maybe it’s a stomach bug, I felt off this morning, or maybe I’m just run down. The hike won’t have helped if that’s the case. Can you help me get undressed and in bed?” Lucy just wanted to completely strip off and wear the minimal amount of  clothing as possible, because nothing sounded better than that, and curling up in bed right now.

“Of course, baby. I’m sorry you’re not feeling good.” Tim carefully lifted her up and Lucy just snuggled close to him, he smelled like his cologne and a mixture of lavender too and she loved that their scents had become intertwined just as they had.

Lucy helped Tim get her undressed, but he mostly did it and then he helped her into one of his shirts and tucked her into bed.

“Try and sleep, I’m going to tidy up the kitchen and then I’ll come and join you. If you need me just shout for me okay baby?” Tim was sat on the edge of the bed, gently stroking his hands through her hair, and she looked up at him through her lashes, her eyes already half closed.

“Okay. I love you.” Lucy replied with barely a whisper, and she watched as Tim reluctantly got up and walked out of their bedroom.

It took her half an hour to find a position that didn’t make her body ache any more than was bearable, but she slept the entire evening and only woke up when Tim roused her to get her to drink water and eat a little bit of something, which was some dry toast and crackers, not too heavy on her stomach, and surprisingly she managed to keep it down, and when Tim finally came to bed she found herself immediately in his arms.

“I’m sorry if I ruined our evening plans babe.” Lucy whispered, briefly taking her eyes off of the tv, and when Tim looked at her, she only saw love in his eyes.

“Lucy, you didn’t ruin anything. You’re sick, and that takes precedence over anything. I am glad that I get to take care of you. We have so many more nights to spend together, it’s okay that tonight didn’t go the way we planned. All I care about is making sure you get better. I love you baby, so much.”

Lucy sighed softly, and she brought Tim’s hand to her mouth and kissed his knuckles before settling down in his arms and tangling their legs together.

“I love you too. I am so grateful for you, and I’m so lucky that I get to call you my boyfriend. The day I get to call you my husband and the father of our children is going to be so cherished and so perfect.” Lucy didn’t care how pretentious she sounded because she knew that she was going to have that with Tim, they weren’t a summer fling, they were it for each other.

“I’d marry you tomorrow if I could, but I think you should meet my mom and sister first. They’d kill me if I didn’t invite them to the wedding.” Tim’s words meant so much to her, and she wondered for a moment, what her life would have looked like had she not met Tim.

She’d probably be having a boring summer; besides the fun she’d have with Jackson, and she definitely wouldn’t have such a positive outlook on her future as she did now, that was thanks to Tim, and he was her future.

“I can’t wait to meet your mom and sister, you’ve told me so much about them, and I know that they’re amazing people just from your stories. I hope they like me.” Lucy curled up closer to Tim, and when he moved to cover her more with the blanket she smiled.

“They’re going to love you; I don’t know who wouldn’t love you. You’re this beautiful, kind, ball of sunshine, and you always see the best in people. You saw the best in me. You shared your love with me and made me a better person in this last month than I’ve ever been. My mom already loves you from me just telling her about you, and my sister approves. She never had been able to get onboard with my past partners, but she liked you from the beginning. I don’t want you to worry okay?” His fingers danced across arm and shoulder, and she closed her eyes, getting tireder the longer she tried to concentrate on everything.

“Thank you,” her voice was barely a whisper, and she knew she was done for when Tims lips pressed against her cheek and her forehead, “we can redo our date night tomorrow, I promise.”

With that, she let herself completely get lulled to sleep by Tim’s heartbeat.

•••

—tim

It was barely 3am when his phone rang and dragged him from the heavy sleep he’d managed to fall into.

He shifted out of Lucy’s arms and grabbed his phone, heading to the kitchen so he didn’t disturb her. It was only then that he saw Genny’s name on the screen, and he immediately answered.

—

Genny: “Finally! Why did it take you so long to answer your damn phone?”

Tim: “Hang on. It’s 3am. I was sleeping Gennifer. Why are you mad at me? More importantly why are you calling me at this time? What’s going on?”

Tim knew he sounded mad, he was a little bit, but mostly he was tired, and his mind was also focused on Lucy, he was worried about her.

Genny: “It’s mom. She’s in the hospital, she got recently diagnosed with breast cancer, it was stage 2 so not too far gone, but it’s been taking it out of her and tonight I went in to check on her and she was unresponsive. They don’t know what’s happening right now, but it’s not good. I need you. Mom needs you Tim.”

He heard how broken his sisters voice was, and his heart ached, he wanted to ask why he hadn’t been told, or what exactly had led to this moment, but he knew Genny didn’t need that stress on top of everything else.

But then his eyes moved to the open door of the bedroom, barely making out his girlfriend’s sleeping form in their room, and he was full of conflicting emotions, because he didn’t know what would happen when he arrived in Sacramento, and yes he loved Lucy, more than anything, but they’d still only known each other for five weeks, it wasn’t fair of him to bring her into this, and he didn’t know if it was the shock talking or the stupid part of his brain but he made his decision there and then, that he wasn’t going to be waking Lucy up, he was going alone.

Genny: “Tim? Are you still there??”

His sisters voice pulled him from his thoughts, and he stood up, running his fingers through his tousled hair.

Tim: “Yeah. Sorry. I’m going to pack a few things and then I’ll be on my way. I love you. Tell mom I love her too.”

Genny: “I love you. Drive safe.”

—

Tim let his phone fall into his lap because he realised just how fucking painful what he was about to do was going to be.

He didn’t want to leave her, he wanted to wake her up and ask her to come with him, and what hurt the most was he knew she’d say yes.

But he couldn’t do that to her. He couldn’t ask her to uproot her life, and leave the only place she’d ever lived, he couldn’t take her away from Jackson, he was her family.

He would spend the rest of his life justifying his actions, but even he knew that it wouldn’t be enough.

Trying to wrap his head around the fact his mom had cancer, and things were serious, and also that he’d be leaving his heart in LA, it was tearing him apart.

He pocketed his phone and then moved to the bedroom, and he started packing, being as quiet as he could.

In twenty minutes, his half of the closet and his drawers were empty, and he was trying to bring himself to walk away from Lucy, from the woman who he loved more than life itself, and the heavy, sickening feeling of guilt and shame were weighing him down.

It was an awful position he’d been put in, and he wished that Genny had called in the morning, then Lucy would’ve been awake, and she’d have fought with him to let her come, but she was dead asleep, sprawled more on his side of the bed, and he couldn’t do it.

She deserved someone who wasn’t going leave in the middle of the night.

She deserved someone who wouldn’t ever choose cowardice over being a decent human being.

She deserved someone who was capable of being everything she wanted, and half an hour ago, that was Tim, but now, it wasn’t.

The tears that fell were angry and painful, but he couldn’t stop them, and he knew if he stayed any longer he’d start sobbing and then he’d wake Lucy up.

He moved across the room, and he leaned over and pressed a long, salty kiss to her forehead, taking in a breath, hoping he’d remember that scent of lavender and honey that had intoxicated his senses from the day they’d met.

“I’m sorry. I love you, so much baby.” Was all he could say without breaking, and he moved away from her, and the duffel bag felt light compared to the sadness that was weighing him down.

His footsteps were heavy, and he felt like he was walking through treacle, because he knew his body was trying to stop him from leaving, it was the most painful feeling as he shoved his feet into his shoes, and barely bothered with tying his laces, and he took his keys from the hook, leaving Lucy’s to hang by themselves.

“You’re a coward.” He mumbled, and the tears that were falling down his face were hot, and they only further added to the ache he was feeling in his chest.

Unlocking the door and leaving, it only made him hate himself more, and for the first time he found himself wishing he’d never met Lucy, because then she wouldn’t have to go through the pain she was about to, and he wouldn’t be the cause.

As he pulled out of the driveway, he cast a glance at his home, and he knew, deep down, he wouldn’t be back. He wasn’t ever going to be able to show his face in LA again, because he was leaving Lucy, and he was shattering her heart as well as his own.

He was leaving his safe place; she was his safe place and his home.

His sobs were loud, and his shirt was soaked with tears, because all he could think about was how she’d wake up in the morning and expect him to be there, and he wouldn’t be.

But he couldn’t turn back now, Lucy needed him, but she’d be okay, eventually, she’d find someone who would give her the world, but he just wished that he could’ve been that for her.

In another life. They were happy. But just not this one.

•••

—lucy

Everything ached when Lucy woke up and she blindly reached for her phone and groaned at the way the phone lit up and the screen was too bright, but she squinted until she turned the brightness down and then looked at the time.

05:53am.

She groaned and then turned back over and expected to be able to curl up in Tim’s arms, but she was met with his empty space, and she sat up instantly, looking around and listening for any signs that he was in the bathroom or the kitchen, but the house was silent. Too silent.

“Baby?” Lucy called out into the darkness, and then she waited, but she didn’t get a reply, so she got out of bed and fumbled in the dark for her sweatpants and then checked the bathroom, and then the living room and kitchen, and even the garden, but he wasn’t there.

Five calls. No answer.

His closet was empty. His drawers opened and most of his clothes were gone, and when she reached the front door his shoes weren’t there, his keys weren’t hung up, and she peered out the small window in the door, and his truck wasn’t in the driveway.

Lucy’s stomach sank, and she knew what it meant, but she didn’t want to believe it.

Why would he just leave?

No note. No goodbye.

There was no rationalising his actions.

He loved her, didn’t he?

Then again, maybe he didn’t, maybe she’d been too much, talking about their future, and maybe Tim had just agreed because he didn’t want to upset her but truthfully he found it too much too fast, and he’d finally had enough, and she hated the cold shiver of doubt that crept down her spine.

Lucy sank onto the bed and curled up and sobbed, clutching his pillow, and trying to inhale every single bit of his cologne.

One last try.

The phone rang out.

“You’ve reached Tim’s phone, I’m sorry you missed me, but leave a message and I’ll call you back when I can.”

Her heart shattered then, because he didn’t want to hear from her, he was gone, just like that, no note, not even the decency to say goodbye.

So Lucy got up, and she made the bed so there wasn’t any evidence it had been slept in, and she wanted to pack but she couldn’t, because it made it even more real, so she grabbed her phone and took one last look at their bedroom, and her feet carried her down the hallway until she got to the front door and she slipped her feet into her shoes, took her keys off of her hook with shaking hands and then left.

The silence of the morning meant that she heard the way her keys dropped on the floor through the door, she didn’t ever want to go back so she hadn’t wanted to hold onto his house key, or the keychain with a photo of them.

She walked back to hers and Jackson’s apartment and made it to the front door without crying, but as she fumbled with the key, trying to put it in the lock, her lips trembled, and the tears stung as she tried to hold them back.

Lucy hadn’t wanted to wake him up, but then she heard the lock clicking and the door opened and as soon as she made eye contact with Jackson she started sobbing, barely giving Jackson time to catch her as she crumbled to the floor.

“Lucy? It’s barely 7am, what are you doing here? What’s wrong?” Jackson picked her up and brought her inside before Lucy was even able to produce a coherent sentence.

“Tim left.” She deadpanned, because she didn’t have the energy to be emotional, she’d cried so much and she was already exhausted from yesterday that she just wanted to sleep, she wanted it all to be a bad dream that she could wake up from, but it wasn’t. It was reality. Her new reality.

“Did you have an argument? What do you mean he left?” Jackson was holding her hand, and he’d wrapped her up in a blanket, probably because she was shivering so much

“No. We didn’t fight, we went to sleep last night, everything was fine, but then I woke up at 6am and he wasn’t in bed. I looked for him thinking he’d gotten up, but his clothes were gone and his shoes and his truck. He left me Jackson.” Lucy felt her stomach flip and she barely managed to get up and make a run for the bathroom before she threw up.

Jackson was by her side, and he stayed there until she asked him to help her to bed, she could feel the anger and tension in the air but she was just glad that he didn’t voice it, that was the last thing she needed, he kept looking at her like he wanted to ask more questions but he didn’t and Lucy was grateful, because everything hurt, her stomach and her head and her heart.

When he finally left her she somehow managed to fall asleep.

—

It had been a week.

A long, painful week without Tim, and Lucy was the worst she’d been since the day Tim had left, and the realisation that her period was late dawned on her early in the morning.

They’d used protection, and they’d been careful, but Lucy wasn’t dumb, she knew it wasn’t 100% effective, so she sat on the thought for a few hours and then decided she needed to find out.

She took Tim’s shirt off which might as well have become part of her since she hadn’t taken it off since he’d left except to shower, but then she’d always put it straight back on.

It was folded neatly, and she left it on her pillow, and she tried to make herself look somewhat presentable, but her jeans were too uncomfortable and snug, so she went with leggings which were more forgiving, and she just pulled a random hoodie from her drawer and pulled it on.

No amount of make up was enough to cover the dark circles under her eyes, so she didn’t even bother, and she left her room seeing Jackson on the couch reading a book.

“Hey Lu. How are you feeling?” Jackson abandoned his book and got up, and Lucy thanked him silently for the way he pulled her in for a hug.

“A little bit better. I’m just heading to the store do you need me to pick anything up?” Lucy questioned, letting Jackson pull back from the hug.

“Lucy…I’m worried about you. You’ve spent the last week throwing up every day and I know you haven’t been sleeping, this situation is making you so poorly. I think you should go to the doctor.” His concern was etched onto his features and Lucy could see that it had been affecting him too.

“I don’t think I’m sick…” Lucy wasn’t going to say anything until she knew for sure, but she didn’t want Jackson to worry about her for any longer than he already had been, “I think I’m pregnant.”

That was the first time that Lucy had said that out loud and it sent a shiver down her spine.

Jackson’s face was unreadable but then came the pity and Lucy hated it, she was sick of feeling fragile and in pain.

“I’m going to get some tests. I’ll be back in a little while. I love you.” She kissed his cheek and then grabbed her keys and left the apartment.

—

There were so many varieties of test to choose from, so Lucy grabbed a few different brands and then a few other groceries, before heading back through the store with her basket half full.

On the way to the checkout, she went past the baby clothes, and stopped for second to have a look, and when she saw a baby blue sleep suit with ‘I Love My Daddy’ embroidered on the front, she almost lost it, because Tim was gone, and if she was pregnant, she was going to have to do it on her own.

The drive home was silent, she didn’t want the radio on, or any music, she just needed to be back at the apartment, to find out if she was pregnant or not.

Peeing on each test was a humbling experience and she washed her hands multiple times after, and she sat on the edge of the bathtub out of the line of sight of the tests.

Jackson was waiting on the other side of the door, and she knew he was pacing because she could see his shadow appearing and disappearing through the crack under the door every few seconds.

This was huge. If the tests were positive, she was going to have a baby. A child half her, and half Tim’s.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. They were supposed to get married and find their perfect home, and then bring their children into the world.

She wasn’t sure she could do this on her own.

Without him.

But then her timer went off and she stood up with shaky legs and they carried her to the sink, and she looked at each test, one had two pink lines, one had a blue cross, and the other, a digital one, said pregnant.

And part of her crumbled, part of her wanted to cry, and part of her wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening.

But her hand fell to her bloated belly, and she felt strangely comforted by the knowledge that there was a tiny little ball of cells in her belly, a tiny little life, her baby…their baby.

They had made that.

They had created a life.

And now Lucy had to keep on growing it, and she had to do that without Tim, she wouldn’t get the joy of telling him he was going to be a daddy, or see his excitement at their first scan, or when they found out the gender, she wouldn’t see the proud, scared look on his face when he held their baby for the first time.

The hate that had taken root in her heart for Tim, it eased a little, because she had a little piece of him, and maybe it wouldn’t make up for losing him, but she needed to let it go, she needed to focus on her baby, and herself now.

“Lucy? Are you okay in there?” Jackson’s voice sounded distant, and she had to take a second before she felt like she could walk to the door.

Opening it up and looking at her best friend, she barely managed to open her mouth before her words turned into a sob.

“Oh Lu. Come here.” She felt safe in his embrace, and it wasn’t Tim, but it was all she had, Jackson was all she had now.

“I don’t think I can do this on my own Jackson.” Lucy whispered, voicing her fears, and hating that she’d even allowed herself to think that.

“You’re not alone. You have me, you’ll always have me Lucy. You and this baby are never going to be alone. I know you’re probably terrified, and rightly so, you’re having a baby. But I’ll be there at every appointment, and I’ll be there to hold your hair back when you’re sick, and build the crib, and buy all the clothes. I know I’m not who you want but I promise you that I’ll never leave you.” His lips pressed against her hair, and she only moved closer to him, and he wrapped his arms around her tighter.

“You’re going to be the best uncle, and I am so grateful for you Jackson. I love you. Just…thank you.”

Even though ten thousand thoughts were running through her mind, she just let herself enjoy the safety of Jackson’s embrace, and she tried to focus on the next 9 months, not the past, just the future.

Because a week ago, her future was with Tim, and they were planning so much.

And now, her future revolved around the little life she was growing, who would become her world. They were her priority right now and she knew that she’d be okay, eventually, and maybe one day it wouldn’t hurt her as much.

Maybe…

Chapter Text

After…

September.

—lucy

The aftermath of Tim leaving and Lucy finding out she was pregnant sent her into a spiral, and it wasn’t until the middle of September that she even thought about leaving the apartment, and that was only because she had a doctors appointment and even though she wanted to check out, she cared about the little baby growing inside her, and she tried to eat 3 meals a day, and she kept up with her prenatal vitamins, just because of her baby, their baby.

She was 10 weeks pregnant, and she crossed off each day on a calendar, and cleared the notifications that popped up on her phone that told her that her baby was the size of a poppy seed when she had found out, and then week 6 a lentil, week 7 a blueberry, week 8 a raspberry, week 9 a grape and this week, a kumquat. Lucy had needed to google that and was so confused at how something so little could be messing with her body so much.

“Lucy? Are you ready to go?” Jackson’s voice floated through the crack under her door, and she adjusted her shirt, Tim’s shirt, and stood up shouldered her bag, then opened her bedroom door and smiled unconvincingly at her best friend.

“Sorry. I was in my own world. Yeah, I’m ready.”

Jackson had been brilliant, he hadn’t forced her to go out or talk to him, he’d just cooked her meals and went out to pick up her vitamins, and he held her when she cried, and told her that she wasn’t going to be alone.

Her parents hadn’t been as supportive, and when she told them, and then about the whole situation, they were nasty, and it broke Lucy’s heart that they’d just decided to completely abandon her when she needed them most. But strangely it hadn’t hurt as much as when Tim had left.

The appointment went well, and everything looked perfect, but Lucy didn’t feel perfect, nothing was perfect, and as soon as she was in the safety of Jackson’s car, she broke down.

“I hate him Jackson, how could he do this? I don’t think I’ll ever understand. I wish I could. It’s not like I told him I was pregnant, and he got cold feet and left, he just packed up some things in the middle of the night and just left me and he unknowingly left us. Maybe if I’d have realised…I was feeling awful the day he left, I hadn’t slept, I hated the smell of coffee and I threw up that evening, if I’d have put two and two together and realised I was pregnant, maybe he would still be here with me…I don’t think I can do this without him, how am I going to raise a kid on my own?” Jackson’s hand on her knee did little to stop her from crying and shaking but she laid her hand on top of his, because she appreciated him, so much.

“I don’t know why Tim did what he did, he loved you, that much I can tell you for sure. And I don’t know what was going through his head when he left you, but he made a mistake, and he at least owed you an explanation. You can’t blame yourself for not knowing you were pregnant Lucy, you said it yourself that you were both careful; this is just something that happened, a blip, an unforeseen circumstance. Maybe it would have made Tim not leave, or maybe he’d have left regardless. But please do not blame yourself, because you will never be able to move forward if you stay stuck in the past. And as for being alone, you’re not Lucy, I’m not going anywhere, and I will keep reminding you of that. Not through your pregnancy, not after that. There is no way that I’m abandoning you, you can push me away and shut me out, but I’ll still be here, on the other side of the door, and the next room over, I promise.”

Lucy looked over at Jackson and she leaned over and pulled him in for a hug, holding onto him tightly.

She didn’t deserve him, not his kindness, or his love, but it was all she had, so she wanted to make sure she didn’t lose him too.

“I love you Jackson, thank you. Can we go home now?” Lucy moved back into her seat properly and tugged impatiently at the seatbelt until she could pull it across her body and clip it into place.

—

Lucy ended up showering and getting back into bed, but she was grateful for Jackson having changed her sheets so she could crawl in between the clean covers, wrapped in Tim’s shirt, taking comfort in the little things as she started feeling more exhausted than ever before.

Her phone laid on her pillow, and she toyed around with the broken edge of her phone case, and then she typed in her passcode and her finger hovered over Tim’s contact, she’d called him in the days after, leaving nothing but angry, sad voicemails. Begging him to come back.

But since then, she hadn’t called, because he hadn’t returned any of the messages she’d left.

She wasn’t sure why she finally pressed on his name, but then it was ringing, and she brought her phone to her ear and listened to the dial tone, hoping that today would be the day he answered but of course not, because there was his stupid, formal voicemail.

“You’ve reached Tim’s phone, I’m sorry you missed me, but leave a message and I’ll call you back when I can.”

Lucy was about to end the call, and she wanted to throw her phone, and curl up and cry. But she didn’t, she waited for the beep and then started to talk.

“Hi…I don’t know if you’re listening to these messages, or if you’re even getting them. For all I know you’ve ditched your phone and you’ll never hear these voicemails. But I’m so lonely, and I want to be able to tell you everything, so, maybe this’ll help. I’m pregnant, I can’t remember if I said that last time, I was very angry and very loud and very upset. But I’m pregnant, 10 weeks pregnant to be exact, and the baby, our baby is the size of a kumquat. They’re growing well, and I had my first appointment today, everything looks perfect, and I wish I could show you the photo, our little baby is going to be loved…I just wish you were here. My parents, they practically disowned me, they don’t want anything to do with me or our baby, and part of me wishes I felt more about the situation but I’m still reeling from losing you…I hate you for leaving me, for leaving us Tim. I want to say that there’s nothing you could do that would make me take you back…but if you came back now, if you knocked on my door Tim…if you asked me to come with you, I would come with you in a heartbeat, I’d follow you anywhere. But I can’t. Because you won’t. You left me…you left me and our baby. And I hate you, but I love you more.”

Lucy ended the call and dropped her phone back on the bed, and she was going to try and sleep but she looked over at her desk and saw the scrapbook she was going to use as a gift to Tim, she was going to put lots of pictures of them inside, and letters, telling him how much she loved him, but now it was just going to sit there abandoned until she probably eventually donated it.

Unless…

She swung her legs out of bed and went to grab the scrapbook, and then the strip of two ultrasound photos, having given one to Jackson, and she grabbed a pen.

Sticking the ultrasound photos on the first page and writing the date, and ‘10 weeks’ underneath; Lucy flipped back to the very beginning and started writing down the things she thought were important, the things that she thought Tim would want to know in case he came back.

Our baby’s name : - - Chen

My due date : March 28^th, 2011

Our baby’s birthday :

Time of Birth :

Height :

Weight :

Moms Name : Lucy Elizabeth Chen

Dads Name : Timothy Alexander Bradford

She closed it, for now, and wondered if she’d be able to keep up with it all.

Lucy wanted to enjoy the pregnancy, but every milestone, every moment, she just kept thinking about the fact that she didn’t want to experience this alone, she wanted to experience it with Tim.

She wanted him there to hold her hair back when the morning sickness hit.

She wanted him there for all her appointments.

She wanted him there when she realised she had a tiny bump.

She wanted him there to feel their baby kick for the first time.

She wanted him there when she felt huge, and needed reassuring that she wasn’t.

She needed him there when their baby was born.

But he wouldn’t be, not for any of that. He was gone and he was never ever coming back.

It wasn’t going to do her any good wallowing in her room, so, whilst she was feeling okay, she decided that she wanted company and she headed into the living room and smiled when she saw Jackson sat on the couch, and she silently sat down beside him.

“You doing okay Lu?” Jackson mumbled into her hair as he pressed a kiss on top of her head.

“I’m trying. We’ll be okay, all three of us, I know we will.” Lucy nestled her head in his shoulder and laid a hand over her stomach, her tiny, little belly, where her tiny little baby was, safe and protected from all the bad things in the world. And Lucy was determined to protect them from everything bad, she never wanted her son or daughter to go through the same heartbreak she was, not with her awful upbringing, or with losing Tim.

“Of course. We’ll be all right Lu, I promise.” Jackson agreed and Lucy sighed and just tried to forget about everything just for a while.

•••

October.

The appointment that followed her ten week ultrasound, was the 14 week ultrasound, and it was less invasive, and Lucy went by herself this time, but she asked for a recording of the heartbeat, and another three extra ultrasound photos, one for Jackson, two for the scrapbook.

“In your notes, you explained that you’re on your own, and that the father isn’t in the picture. It’s none of my business, but I’m here if you want to confide in someone, and I just wanted to let you know that you have options for support that I can recommend.” Her doctors’ tone wasn’t condescending, it was slightly comforting, but Lucy just smiled and took the paper towel to wipe off the gel from her stomach, and she tugged Tim’s shirt down over her small bump.

“Thank you.”

As usual, Lucy went straight back to her college dorm, she tried to study, she wanted to do well for her baby, and that meant trying her hardest to focus on everything despite the fact that she was slowly drowning at the prospect of being a single mother in less than six months.

Her mind was against her today, as it was usually, but even more so, which meant her desk was traded in for her bed, and her fingers found Tim’s contact once more.

In the emptiness of her room, there was his voice, as if he were laid right beside her.

“You’ve reached Tim’s phone, I’m sorry you missed me, but leave a message and I’ll call you back when I can.”

Lucy waited for the beep, that awfully loud beep, and she took a deep breath.

“Hi, you, I’m 14 weeks pregnant now, I heard her heartbeat today, I know I just said her, but I don’t actually know, I just have a feeling that we’re having a girl, you said you thought you’d have a girl first…anyway. I’ll find out in just over a month, and I’ll tell you. I don’t really have many updates, just that the nausea is subsiding, I have a little bump, the baby’s the size of a peach right now. Our little peach. I…wanted to show you something, I got the doctor to let me record her heartbeat, and I thought you might like to hear it,” Lucy left her phone on the bed momentarily, and then grabbed the CD and her laptop and sat back down, waiting for it to load before she moved the phone to the speaker, and she let the sound fill the room, it was like a high speed train, apparently babies heartbeats were so fast in the early stages of pregnancy, and Lucy thought the sound was calming, “don’t worry it’s supposed to be that fast. It’s just weird. The further along I get, the more it feels real, and the longer I get into the pregnancy, the longer it’s been since I last saw you…I miss you. So much. I hope you’re doing okay, and that you’re happy at least. I love you.”

Lucy ended the phone call and then curled up in bed, falling asleep to the fast paced rhythm of their baby’s heartbeat.

•••

November.

Lucy was nervous, she’d been putting off the appointment all morning until Jackson had knocked on her door, and she remembered that she’d put her appointments on the shared calendar that was on their fridge.

“Luce? Are you okay, your appointment is in half an hour. Did you need a ride?” His voice was gentle, and Lucy looked over at her closed door, every intention of ignoring him and pretending to be asleep; but then her hand moved to her belly and the little flutters she had begun to feel were going crazy and she knew that it wasn’t just about her, she had this baby growing inside her that was counting on her to be alright. They were already down one parent, and Lucy needed to make up for that, she wanted her child to always know they were loved.

So. Lucy got up, and she pulled on some sweatpants, she combed her fingers through her hair and then opened the door, coming face to face with Jackson.

“Can you come with me? I don’t want to go on my own.” Jackson took her in his arms and Lucy let him hold her.

“Of course. Always. Come on, let’s go.”

—

The whole ride home, all Lucy could think about were the words ‘congratulations mom, you’re having a boy’ and Lucy hadn’t really let it sink in until she got back home, and Jackson left for work.

The past month she’d been sure she was having a girl, it was easier to think she was having a girl, because then she wouldn’t have a mini Tim running around, she wouldn’t have to look at a copy of the man she lost, those blue eyes…

It became a routine. After each appointment she took her phone, called Tim’s number, and then waited until she could leave a voicemail.

“Hey…surprise daddy, we’re having a boy. He’s healthy and he’s growing pretty fast, he’s the size of a banana according to my app, and pretty soon I’ll be able to feel him move properly. I’m glad that I know, it makes thinking of names easier, but I wish you were here. I want you to be here. I am so mad at you, and I don’t want to be, not in these voicemails, hell Tim I don’t even want to be making these voicemails. I would rather have you by my side. But I can’t, and I feel like updating you, even if you never hear them, it helps, a little.”

The sob that followed was heaving and Lucy had tried not to cry on the voicemails, and up until this point she’d been pretty successful but tonight, she’d been caught off guard and instead of keeping on talking, she cried until the beep sounded and she was no longer able to record anymore of the voicemail. Her heart was still as broken as it had been the day he left, and she didn’t know how to fix it or if it ever would be fixed.

•••

December.

In the succession of two weeks, Lucy had dropped out of college for good, and her and Jackson had moved into an apartment together, and Lucy was getting settled in her new room, and now along with her own things to set up, she had a few baby things to find room for.

Jackson had gone out to go grocery shopping and Lucy had told him she’d stay and unpack and so after she’d organised the living room and the kitchen, she’d done half of her room before she’d given up and laid down on her bed.

She felt huge and she didn’t fit in any of her clothes, so Tim’s shirt was all she was able to wear, all she wanted to wear, along with the few pairs of oversized sweatpants she owned.

That was part of the reason she decided to go shopping, partly she just wanted to get out of the apartment. But half an hour in, she wished she hadn’t.

Laden with a few bags, holding some maternity jeans, a few sweaters, and maternity shirts, as well as dresses and pyjamas, Lucy walked through the shopping mall and then she stopped, dead in her tracks, because someone who looked exactly like Tim was walking in her direction, and she couldn’t breathe.

It wasn’t him, she kept telling herself that, but deep down she wanted it to be, so she stayed, and then he got so close, and Lucy’s heart sunk when she realised that it really wasn’t him.

Lucy made it all the way home before she broke down, and she waited until she’d cried what seemed like all of her tears before she picked up her phone and called Tim’s number.

“Hey baby. I quit college. It’s too much for me to handle, and I think that making our son my priority is the best thing. I can do classes when he’s older, but right now he needs me, all of me, so…” Lucy took a breath and then she felt it, a movement in her stomach she hadn’t felt before, and she realised that it was their son kicking and she laid her hand over the same spot, and sure enough, he kicked again and Lucy sighed softly, “hi baby…sorry, he just kicked me for the first time. It’s a crazy feeling but god I wish you were here to feel it too. I thought I saw you today, I was out shopping and someone who looked like you, they were walking towards me, and I wanted it to be you. So fucking badly Tim. I don’t care why you left; I just want you back. But you’re not coming back, and me and your son are going to have to have a life ahead of us that doesn’t include you. And I’ll always love you, but a part of me will forever hate you for that.”

Lucy ended the voicemail and then she heard Jackson come in the front door and she headed out into the kitchen.

“Lu? Is everything all right.” Jackson probably saw her bloodshot eyes, and Lucy simply shook her head and went to the couch and dropped down, and Jackson came and sat beside her, she didn’t say that she thought that she’d seen Tim because she didn’t want to keep bothering Jackson about her pining over a man who wasn’t coming back and instead Lucy reached out for his hand.

He gave it to her, and she laid it against her stomach and there it was again, he kicked, and for the first time that day she felt happy when she saw the look of awe on Jackson’s face.

“Did he? Was that him kicking?” Jackson moved closer, and Lucy laid her hand over the top of his.

“Yeah, I felt him for the first time earlier. He’s strong, he’s my little peach, and he’s always going to know that his mommy loves him.” Lucy watched Jackson’s face change, and she waited because she knew he was going to say something.

“And his uncle Jackson too, he’s going to be so loved Lucy. By you, and by me. I am never going anywhere. You’re stuck with me, for life. I’m not making an empty promise, I’m not ever saying it won’t be hard, but when it gets tough I’ll be there to hold your hand, I’m not walking away.” In that moment, Jackson’s words meant everything to her, and she leant into his side and accepted the hug, because as much as she wished it was Tim’s arms that were enveloping her in a hug, it wasn’t, and she had to get used to that.

Because Tim wasn’t coming back.

•••

February.

By this point in her pregnancy, Lucy was just exhausted, she was huge, and she was tired, and she wondered whether she’d make it through the next four weeks or if he’d make his appearance earlier than his due date, on his due date or after. And she hoped that the third option wasn’t going to be one that happened.

Her scrapbook for Tim, was full of ultrasound pictures, and Polaroids of her belly at near enough every week of pregnancy, so if Tim did come back, then he wouldn’t feel like he’d missed out entirely.

Now she was nearing the end, her name choices had been narrowed down, and Lucy had chosen today to make a final decision.

Jackson had helped her narrow down the names and she was waiting, she wasn’t sure what for, maybe for Tim to knock on the door and apologise, to give her an explanation, but she knew that wasn’t happening, so she dialled his number and then started the conversation the same way she always did.

“Hi babe, I miss you. Our boy’s getting big, my doctor reckons I have a month left, but I’m hoping he comes a little sooner, I feel like I swallowed a planet, and my ankles hurt so much, and I can’t do much anymore without getting out of breath. I think I’ve figured out his name, but I wanted to tell you, before I decide definitively. I wanted to give him part of you, so I want his middle name to be Timothy, and his first name is going to be Theo. Theo Timothy…”

Lucy laid her hand on her belly and gently poked where she knew Theo’s hand was, and when he pushed against her hand she smiled softly.

“I don’t know how much I’ll tell him, about you. But I know that I’ll never lie to him. He’ll know you, that he has a dad, just that you’re not in our lives. I’ll show him pictures and tell him stories. But nothingwill ever make up for the fact that you won’t be here. If I didn’t have Jackson and my aunt Amy, I’d be doing this all on my own. My mom and dad don’t want anything to do with me, or their grandson. It’s killing me, but I know that I have to be strong enough to put it all aside. I’m going to be a mommy, properly, in a month. It’s not just about me anymore. You were supposed to be here on this journey, and I never imagined I’d ever have to do this alone. July seems like it was years ago, but nevertheless I’m grateful for the time we spent together. I loved you; I still love you, and that’ll never change Tim. I just wish you hadn’t left…”

•••

March.

“You’ve reached Tim’s phone, I’m sorry you missed me, but leave a message and I’ll call you back when I can.”

She was a mother.

A mom, to the most perfect part of her, her son.

Tim was a father.

A daddy, to the most perfect part of them, their son.

So, where was he? Why wasn’t he laid beside her? Offering to take their son so she could shower or eat? Telling her how proud he was of her for bringing their son into the world.

He was gone. Not just for a few hours, not for a few weeks, or months. He was gone indefinitely, and Lucy had to make peace with that.

Lucy had waited until Jackson went to get something to eat, and she was alone with Theo in her arms to call Tim.

“He’s here. He’s safe and he’s perfect. Our son. We have a son Tim, and he looks like you, but he has my nose, and I love him so much already. I wish you were here; I wish you could hold him, hold me. Theo Timothy Chen…I gave him my last name, since I figured you weren’t coming back. He’s mine, and he is yours too, but you’re not here so… We can go home soon, and I really really wish that you’d walk through the door like a proud daddy with his car seat, and the biggest grin on your face. But Jackson’s here, he’s going to do that, and he’ll be walking out the hospital holding our son, because he hasn’t left my side since the day you left me. I don’t know if I’ll call you anymore. I have to think of Theo now. He needs me, all of me, not just little parts of me that aren’t aching for you. I love you Tim, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop, but I have this little boy who needs me more now. Wherever you are I hope you’re safe and happy.”

Lucy ended the call and almost deleted his number, but she didn’t.

Not yet.

She couldn’t.

—

It had been almost 12 hours since she was discharged and Lucy was struggling to adjust to this new role, even though she knew that so many single parents fared well and that it wasn’t an impossible task, she ached for Tim, she wanted him to be there.

Lucy had managed to settle Theo and after showering she was back in her room, finally able to wear Tim’s shirt again without the worry of stretching it too much and ruining the only thing she had that still remotely smelled of him, and she picked up her phone and called Tim’s number. But this time, his voicemail wasn’t what she heard.

“Sorry, the number you are trying to call has been disconnected.”

And then, Lucy lost it, she broke down and sobbed into her pillow, trying to be quiet so she didn’t wake their son…her son.

Somehow, she knew that had been something she was going to face, that eventually his number would be disconnected, but why did it have to be today? Why did it hurt so much?

Theo stirred and started crying and Lucy only cried harder, but she leaned forward and gently picked up the tiny baby, and she cradled him close, trying to stop her own tears.

“Shh baby, it’s okay, I’ve got you. Mamas got you.” Moving off the bed, she pushed her door closed so she didn’t wake Jackson up and then she started to sing.

“When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother what will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? Here’s what she said to me…

Que sera sera, whatever will be will be, the futures not ours to see, que sera sera, what will be will be.”

Theo stopped fussing and stared up at her with his big, blue eyes, and she swore she was staring into Tim’s eyes.

“When I grew up and fell in love, I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead. Will we have rainbows day after day, here’s what my sweetheart said…

Que sera sera, whatever will be will be, the futures not ours to see, que sera sera, what will be will be.”

After moving around the room, Lucy eventually settled on the edge of her bed, gently stroking the bridge of Theo’s nose, watching his eyes flutter as he nodded off again.

“Now I have children of my own, they ask their mother what will I be? Will I be handsome? Will I be rich? I tell them tenderly…

Que sera sera, whatever will be will be, the futures not ours to see, que sera sera, what will be will be…

Que sera sera, what will be…will be.”

Lucy didn’t know what she could say to the small, innocent little baby in her arms, something she created with Tim, who should be with her right now, watching them both, offering to take him when he fusses all night, but he wasn’t, and partly Lucy thought that was her fault, that the four weeks they shared were this one sided affair, and that Tim finally couldn’t do it anymore.

Lucy wanted to let out all of her anger and emotions, she wanted to say everything to her son that she wanted to say to Tim, but she didn’t, it wasn’t his fault.

Her fingers gently brushed across his forehead, and she kissed his cheek.

“I’m sorry.” Is all she could manage to get out. And she wondered if she’d spend the rest of her life apologising for the father Theo would never have.

But right now, she moved back against her pillows that no longer smelled of Tim’s cologne, glad that she still had his shirt that she hadn’t taken off since coming home from the hospital, and she stared at her baby, her day old son, and she knew that she’d do anything to give him the world.

“If I could…I’d go back to before we met…me and your daddy, but then I wouldn’t have you, and you’re the only reason sweet boy, why I’m grateful for what we had.” Her voice was barely a whisper, but she didn’t care, she just watched the way Theo’s chest rose and fell, and she held him in her arms, he was hers and she was his, and that’s all they’d ever need.

Just each other.

Just enough love.

“Without you Tim…we’ll be okay.”