Work Text:
First of all, March doesn’t normally knock. Normally, she just barges into his room with her definitely bigger than average woven basket nearly overflowing with scrapbooking supplies and decorations. Normally, she doesn’t even close the door behind her, which means Dan Heng has to get up and close it after her as she makes her way over to where his bed laid and drops her basket to the side of it, a few supplies dropping onto the floor from the impact, before making herself comfortable at the head of the pallet, placing the pillow on her lap. Normally, her smile would be so big and bright, it would take up her entire face and her eyes would be squinted, practically closed.
(At some point, Stelle had joked that they would have to start wearing sunglasses around March. The comment made Dan Heng exhale heavily from his nose.)
And, normally, she exclaims, “You can stop whatever boring organization you torture yourself with when I’m not around because, I, March 7th, am here to save you from your self-inflicted boredom!” …Or something like that. It’s not like Dan Heng memorized how she entered his room or anything. Definitely not. Totally.
…
Anyways.
Today, she knocked on his door. Seven knocks, he noted. Today, when he let her in (a foreign concept to him, he’s used to her letting herself in), she entered with a soft “Hi, Dan Heng. Ready to do some scrapbooking?” instead of her usual emphatic entrance phrase. Today, after he closed the door behind her (similarities: 1, differences: 3… Not looking good so far, Dan Heng.), she walked over to his bed, carefully setting the pink, woven basket to the side of his bed. Even the big, blue ribbon that was tied into a bow on the handle looked like it was drooping.
(He remembered when she had finished making it some time ago. She was very proud of the final product and said she had surprised herself with how much patience she held while hand weaving the basket. Dan Heng wasn’t surprised, he knew she could do it.)
Today, she sat at the foot of his bed instead of the head. To anyone else, this might not be that concerning of a difference. But, she didn’t even grab the pillow. She likes to sit at the head of the bed because she has first dibs on the pillow (ignoring the fact that it’s his pillow), and she likes using it to cushion her elbows on his lap. Today, her smile was small, but her eyes were still closed. Perhaps to hide the storm of emotions swirling in her eyes at that moment.
It was wrong. It was all wrong. But he kept quiet for now. He’s never seen March like this, but he likes to think he can make pretty accurate assumptions, and he assumes that March will speak up on her own whenever she was ready. He would wait. He’d wait for however long she needs him to. He grabs his own scrapbook and his trinkets he collected from this world before he joins her on the bed, at the head this time. As he moves the pillow to sit down, he glances at it before wordlessly offering it to March. She takes it with a quick smile, setting it on her lap (similarities: 2, differences: 5… Does this count as improvement?) before setting their books down and spreading out the decorations from this world’s expedition in the space between them. It lacked the enthusiasm that March usually carried with her. She still doesn’t say anything more.
That’s okay.
He’ll wait.
…
He’s weaker than he thought.
It’s been, at most, 15 minutes. Dan Heng is not at peace. In fact, he is the furthest thing from it. He’s anxious, fidgeting with the materials much more than he normally does. He keeps looking up at March, praying she’ll say something. But she doesn’t even meet his gaze. She keeps her attention on the scrapbook, placing the decorations with precision. Not to say that she normally doesn’t, but normally, she’s talking. Right now, she is not talking, and Dan Heng is considering that he might just be trapped in a nightmare. This is the longest March has ever not spoken during their scrapbooking sessions. What was the previous record, you ask?
30 seconds.
…
It has now been 30 minutes. Dan Heng has stopped decorating his scrapbook in favor of watching March instead. She doesn’t seem to mind. He waits. Waits for her to say something, to question him as to why he’s stopped decorating his scrapbook. But she doesn’t. She doesn’t even so much as glance at him. Has he upset her? He tries to recall all of their past interactions, but can’t seem to identify anything that he could’ve done to upset her. Maybe it’s what you haven’t done. The horrible thought makes it to the front of his mind before he can stop it. He can’t do this anymore. Yes, he said he’d wait but that was Dan Heng from 30 minutes ago. This is Dan Heng now, and Dan Heng now is going to lose his mind.
“March-“
“Do you know why I started taking photos and scrapbooking?”
Dan Heng was cut off before he could fully get March’s name out of his mouth. He unconsciously let out a sigh of relief at hearing March’s voice for the first time in 30 minutes. He was sane again, everything was as it should be. And then he remembered he had a question to answer. He recomposed himself before responding, picking up and fiddling with one of his decorations.
“Hm, I guess I never really thought about it. I had just accepted it as part of your hobbies because it made sense. It was crafty and involved photo taking, and you’re a crafty person who liked photo taking.” Dan Heng’s gaze never left March. March’s gaze never met Dan Heng’s.
March let out a small laugh. It was a far cry from her normal, joyful one, but it was genuine. “I guess that makes sense. But there’s more to it.” She pauses as she carefully tapes a dried regional flower with washi tape. It’s color matched that of the regional flower. Dan Heng waits semi-patiently for March to continue.
“So I can never forget. Or, at least, so others can always remember me.” She runs her finger along the tape she had just placed. “In case something bizarre ever happens to me, like if I get trapped in ice again and you guys find me and i wake up with no memory of my pervious adventures, or if I just disappear one day with no explanation and you guys just can’t find me, no matter how hard you look, you’ll always have something to remind me or to remember me by.
“That’s my biggest fear, you know? Being forgotten or losing my memory. Or, god forbid, both at the same time. That would just be the worst. When you guys woke me up from the ice, I was terrified. I might not have showed it, but can you imagine being asleep in a block of ice for an unknown amount of time, and waking up surrounded by people you don’t recognize, with no memory or recollection of who you are where you came from or how you got there? I don’t what anyone says, to me, that is hell. Constantly forgetting and being forgotten.” March has stopped decorating her book. She’s trembling, clutching the pillow as if it was her last lifeline. Dan Heng could hear her voice breaking, and felt his heart breaking with it. He closed both of their books and moved their trinkets and decorations aside from the moment.
“I had a dream, or I guess this counts as a nightmare. I woke up from the ice again, but I knew who I was, I knew I was March 7th. And you all were standing around me. You, Pom Pom, Mr. Yang, Himeko, even Stelle and Caelus were there. But, none of you remembered who I was. And I kept trying to remind you guys. Remind you guys that you were the ones who gave me the name ‘March 7th’. Who gave me a home on the Express, who gave me a purpose to travel across worlds. But, as I kept trying to remind you, I was starting to forget. Starting to forget all of the memories that we all had made, until I had forgotten my own name. And then I blinked, and I was alone. It was dark, and no matter how much I screamed nobody came to help me, and… and-“ March cut herself off with a sob, and Dan Heng practically dove to wrap his arms around her. His body seemed to move on his own accord, his brain unable to bear the sight of his best friend (“best friend”) in such despair.
March sobbed into his shoulder. Her tears and snot were leaving several wet patches on his jacket, but it was no matter to him. He could wash it later. His priority right now was comforting March. He wasn’t good with words, and he figured he should wait until March’s sobs died down. So for now, he just rubbed her back in a comforting motion, muttering quiet reassurances, telling her to let it all out, that everything was going to be okay. And this time, he was able to wait. To be patient, and to just be there and hold March.
He didn’t count how long they stayed like that. It didn’t matter. He instead focused on the small things, like how he could slightly feel March’s teeth on his shoulder as she tried to muffle her sobs. Or the material her jacket was made of, and that it was similar to that of those reflective raincoats they came across when they visited Earth. In fact, he’s pretty sure that’s where her jacket came from.
Her sobs quieted down after a while, reducing to nothing but hiccups and shaky breaths. Dan Heng started taking deep breaths in and out in another attempt to calm her down because he knew that March would start trying to copy his breathing pattern out of pure habit. When her breathing was no longer shaky, Dan Heng made no effort to move from their current position, but this is when he had decided now would be a good time to try and use his words.
“You’re not alone, March,” he whispers, loud enough for March to hear but not loud enough to disturb the emotional tension too much. “When I awoke in the Shackling Prison from the forced molting of Dan Feng—or Yinyue Jun—I was surrounded by a group of people who I didn’t recognize. The moment I had opened my eyes, they had told me that my purpose for being created was to atone for Dan Feng’s sins. They didn’t tell me what he had done—what I needed to atone for. They just told me that I was to never return to the Xianzhou.
“I guess my story is a little different from yours but, we have a similar baseline. I used to think I didn’t mind being forgotten. If my sole reason for creation was to atone for my past life’s sins that I couldn’t even remember, what about me now was worth remembering? Every ship I joined was wiped out by a remnant from my past life, who insisted that I needed to ’pay a price’, so anyone that might’ve wanted to remember me is no more. But then, I found the Astral Express. Or, I guess I should say they found me first. I was hesitant at first but, Himeko insisted that they wouldn’t let anything happen to me or the Express. A few months after that, we had found you. Despite having just awoken from being trapped in a block of ice, you had brought a new, more positive energy to the Express. You made me realize that I perhaps don’t want to be forgotten. Not by you guys anyway, my family. We’ve had so many memorable moments together, even more so after Stelle and Caelus joined us from the space station. These aren’t things I’d like to forget or be forgotten by the others.” He had lost his point, but Dan Heng thinks he got through to March anyways.
“Dan Heng, are you trying to make me cry again?” March finally looks up from his shoulder. Her face was red and wet, and her eyes were starting to puff up. She had her lips turned in a pout. Dan Heng laughs and reaches for a nearby box of tissue and hands them to March, where she loudly blows her nose.
“My apologies, I didn’t mean to get carried away.” Dan Heng sheds himself of his jacket after March pulls away, tossing it towards his hamper. He misses. Damn. “But, you understood what I was trying to say, right?”
March finishes wiping her face before responding. “Yes, but I have a question.” Dan Heng motions for her to continue.
“So, this ‘Dan Feng’ guy isn’t your brother!? Why didn’t you correct me last time?” March looks incredulously up at Dan Heng as her voice pitches into a whiny tone.
Dan Heng stares for a minute before bursting into a full blown laugh. Out of all the questions he had already come up with answers for in his mind, this certainly wasn’t one of them. March continues to stare in complete disbelief of the sight in front of her. What was so funny to Dan Heng? She was totally being serious in her question!
After a few moments, Dan Heng’s laughter eventually dies down and he wipes the tears from his eyes. he takes a few deep breaths before answering March’s question.
“No, Dan Feng isn’t my brother but, please don’t misunderstand. He’s not me, either. I don’t wish to be addressed as or mistaken for him. I wish to be my own person, to make my own memories and decisions. I wish to no longer be known as Dan Feng but, rather, Dan Heng. I’m not him.”
March nods in understanding, but then pipes up once more. “So then why did you only change one letter of your name? If I wanted to separated from my past incarnation, I think I would change more than one letter of my name.” March laughs, her statement phrased in a matter-of-factly tone.
Dan Heng lets out a short laugh along with March. “Unfortunately, that was not my choice. But not many people called him ’Dan Feng’ anyways. He was more publicly known has ’Yinyue Jun’, a once high elder of the Vidyadhara species.”
“But, don’t you ever get curious as to what he did to be forever exiled from his home?”
“I tried to research it once but, it seemed that the Vidyadhara did everything in their power to keep the public from knowing of such an affair. So, I was unable to find much. However, it is no longer of matter to me. I prefer to stay in the present and look ahead than worry about my past.” Dan Heng shrugged. What Dan Feng did really no longer concerned him. He had a family now, his main focus was taking care to not lose them and to hold them as close as possible for as long as he can. Ah, that reminds him. He had a goal for their scrapbooking session today.
March had opened her scrapbook once more and was happily attaching her decorations onto the pages. She had been humming to the music on the Express, but had given up after Stelle or Caelus had changed it for the 3rd time in under 5 minutes. Dan Heng decided to follow suit, opening his scrapbooking and laying out his decorations again.
“March?” The person in question looked up at Dan Heng, who was focused on taping a regional leaf he had found.
“Dan Heng.” She tilted her head.
“Do you know why I like scrapbooking?”
“Why?” March was tapping her fingers on the page in anticipation. She never really gave it much thought, just assumed Dan Heng did it because it gave him something to do.
“Because I like you.” Dan Heng doesn’t look up as he says this, as if it’s a question about the weather on a Thursday afternoon. “You bring a sort of balance in my life that I never experienced before on my previous ships. I always look forward to going on expeditions with you and these scrapbooking sessions that we have after every one. I’ve memorized your reactions and the way you behave based on your mood, to the point where I think I could predict what you would say in certain situations. But, you also always surprise me and surpass my expectations somehow. I’m never bored when I’m with you, and I like that, even if I’m not the best at showing it.” Dan Heng finally looks up at March, only to find her with her jaw dropped. They stare at each other like that for almost a full minute before March’s face morphs into a big smile, one that, in Dan Heng’s eyes, could outshine the sun itself.
She carefully closes their scrapbooks and sets them aside again along with their decorations so as not to ruin them, before she practically tacks Dan Heng with a hug. Dan Heng yelps in surprise and barely avoids hitting his head on the wall behind him as March begins peppering kisses all over his face, punctuating each one with ”Mwah!” and landing a final one on his lips.
“You know, I’ve totally liked you since, like, forever. And with how big of a nerd you are, I was waiting for you to finally catch on and notice but, you never did! Do you know how confused I was? I kept thinking to myself, ’How can the smartest guy I know, who spends his free time doing research not notice that I have the biggest crush on him?’ Even Stelle and Caelus were in disbelief of how oblivious you were! I was starting to think that maybe you did know, you just didn’t feel the same way, but now I see there was no need for me to worry.” March beams as she pulls away from Dan Heng’s face, squishing it between her hands.
Dan Heng blinks.
It all makes sense, now. How March always dragged him to do activities with her, more so than she did with Mr. Yang or Himeko or Stelle and Caelus. How whenever they were organizing pair assignments to bring back synthesizer materials and credits, March always demanded they went together. How March takes so many mundane pictures of him that, to him, held no value or meaning until now.
Ah…
Not his proudest moments, he must admit. But it’s like Tingyun would say whenever she was healed during battle.
Better late than never.
He smiles best he can while March is squishing his face. This is truly an unforgettable moment. He might even put this in his scrapbook later. He’ll be sure to keep it with him during his next hatching rebirth (if he ever has one) so he never forgets his sunshine personified.
Besides, with March by his side, how could he ever forget?