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The girl, he learned seven days since they started staying together that her name was Rangiku, doesn’t smile.
Gin doesn’t know why he gives it more thought than he should. It should be enough that he was feeding her and that she was some semblance of alive. Until now, he still doesn’t know what came over him and why he suddenly picked her up. It was a whim, like most of his actions tended to be driven by. It’s not as if he had a purpose. It was enough that he was eating and some semblance of alive.
But now, he actually had to plan for things. The first time he went outside to get some food for them, he thought she was asleep. When he felt a small hand gripping his arm tightly enough to bruise, he was only mildly shocked. For the first time there was something different in her eyes aside from blankness - panic, desperation. And he feels something unfamiliar rise in response, something sharp and poisonous before it subsides. Patting her hair, he reassures her, not minding her bruising grip, “It’s fine, Rangiku. I’ll come back.” Huh, that was new. He’d never had anyone to comfort before.
Her grip loosened, but her liquid eyes still gripped him. Her name suited her. She was a golden flower stuck in the mud.
Her expressions don’t change much in the days, eventually months, that they stay together. But there is a spark in a brief moment. It’s as if she’s been reborn when he tells her the day they met would be her new birthday. She doesn’t seem to mind sharing that with him just as she didn’t mind sharing his favorite persimmons. Or maybe it became his favorite with how often they ate it together. Something he only ate for necessity turned into something he actually liked.
He looked at her eating persimmons. It wasn’t enough. This wasn’t enough for her.
Every time he thought he was giving her something, it turned out she was giving him something much more precious.
By the time her birthday came around, in other words the anniversary of the day they first met, he decided to try for something more special.
By the time he arrived back at their place, he was licking a cut on his thumb. He hid the gash on his forearm so he wouldn’t worry her. He was a bit sloppy this time around, getting caught before he could escape. He still saw the black spots as the burly man pressed meaty thumbs onto his throat. Luckily, he had two bottles in his hand. He smashed one over the man’s head. Later as he stood over the bleeding bastard, he could only think, what a waste. At least there was one more to share.
“Rangiku.” Strange, the smile he wore now was the same, and also not. He thought she’d be happy to see him, or at least her own version of happy, where she’d be awake, eyes wide and open, instead of burrowing under the covers.
He wasn’t fazed by anything, but he had to admit to being surprised at suddenly finding his arms filled with girl. She was still a bit weak but she still pounded furiously against his chest.
“Where were you?! Gin, it’s been a week.”
He makes sure to hide his arm further behind. He doesn’t mind her anger. It’s the most spirit he’s seen in her in a year. And oh, how strange, before her he wouldn’t have even known if an entire decade had passed. That must be why she was so angry at a week.
He doesn’t mind the anger, but he does mind the tears. Even back then, she hadn’t cried. But for some reason, her tears also make him…happy. He wonders if there’s something wrong with him to think that. He doesn’t mind other people’s tears, whether he stole from them or they begged him to stop. It would be more accurate to say that he didn’t care about them. But Rangiku’s tears made him happy.
Still it would be bad if she didn’t stop crying. She’d get dehydrated and water was hard to find.
“I’m sorry, Rangiku,” Sure that that would be enough placate her, he suddenly places the bottle in her hands to distract her, “I got you something. Happy Birthday.”
“Huh,” she asks, tear drops still clinging to her eyelashes, “What’s this?”
“It’s sake. Let’s celebrate.”
It’s a paltry celebration, with only sake and persimmons. Rangiku even scrunches her nose at sniffing the contents of the bottle, but Gin takes a hearty gulp showing her how it’s done. Rangiku still looked unsure but she still followed after him just like she always did. When she hiccups, he grins, teeth showing.
Between the both of them, they polish off the small bottle. She seems looser somehow, eyes more liquid than ever as she looks at him with her chin on her wrapped knees. Suddenly, miraculously, she laughs.
It is bright, it is loose, it is free.
Gin opens his eyes in shock.
“You’ve got such pretty eyes, Gin. Why don’t you show them off more,” she says smiling slyly.
Getting a hold of himself, he pats her on the shoulders. “Looks like it’s time for sleep, Rangiku.”
“Nooooo,” she whines, clinging to him, “I want to talk to Gin more. If I sleep, you’ll go away again.”
He laughs. “How about this? It’s your birthday. Why don’t you make a wish?”
She pouts, thinking he wasn’t taking her seriously. “I wish you’d stay with me forever. I wish you wouldn’t leave me behind and go to wherever it is you go off to.”
He smiled softly down at her, easing her down the cot before she noticed. He couldn’t promise her that. He’ll leave her as many times as it takes as long as she survives. But it was her birthday, so he could promise her tonight. “I promise I’ll still be here in the morning,” he pats her over the hand holding his in a death grip, “Go to sleep, Rangiku.”
Finally satisfied that he wouldn’t go anywhere, she drifts off to what he hopes is a dreamless sleep. Left alone, he plans and calculates.
That was Rangiku, bright and playful. She should always be smiling and laughing. He’ll tuck away his selfish desire for her tears in the recesses of his soul. It makes him happy, but he also hates the sight of them. But for her to be happy, he had to tuck away his own. It would blunt him if he forgot himself in this comfortable life with her. Someone had turned her into that shell. Someone had been responsible. Opening his eyes like slits in the darkness, he lets the smile fall as he stared at the firelight.
He would never forgive anyone who made her cry.
He replayed her tears from earlier in his mind.
Even himself.
…
“How rare, taichou. I didn’t know you drank sake.”
“What d’ya mean, Izuru? I have some once in a while. It goes perfectly with persimmons.”
Kira tried to hide his distaste for his captain’s preferred snack, before remembering something, “I almost forgot, Ichimaru-taichou. The vice-captains are having a get-together. Looks like it’s someone’s birthday.” He was still a bit new at this and knew only his peers from back at the Academy. It might be a chance to find out more.
A subtle pause before smoothly picking up another piece. Ichimaru-taichou turns one of those enigmatic smiles right at him. “Take the rest of the night off, Izuru. Enjoy.”
“Hai!” Kira bows energetically. How generous of his captain.
Absentmindedly, Gin waves his lieutenant off. Alone in the dark, he drinks his sake in celebration.