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Bilbo stopped dead in his tracks. He stood there, still, staring at the little one happily sat in the high chair that Thorin had so lovingly carved for him. The youngster was sitting there, happily bashing the tiny little spoon they had in their chubby little hand, against the tray and their second breakfast, giggling softly at the noise it was making.
Bilbo slowly approached; a fake smile plastered on his face. “Hello darling, enjoying yourself?” Bilbo softly asked as he got closer. Bilbo slowly stroked the child's black curls as he stood next to him. He slowly moved the hair away from their ears and touched the tips gently, making the child squeal with excitement. He next looked into what should have been deep blue eyes, eyes like the blue topaz Thorin preferred, or the blue peonies in Bilbo’s garden. Eyes that should have looked almost identical to the child's Adad’s, but instead were a molten gold. Bilbo took a deep breath to centre himself and gently lifted the child's top gum. There should have been only a few top teeth at the moment, instead, there was a mouth full of sharp, jagged teeth.
Bilbo gave out a startled noise and stepped back wringing his hands together in horror. He needed a moment to compose himself before he went and murdered his dwarrow nephews.
Bilbo stood there, hands shaking with rage. How dare they! They had only one task this morning. One task that should have been easy for two apparently grown dwarrow. One task that the bloody stone-headed idiots failed in. And what a failure it was. They were also obviously so dense that they hadn't even realised that they had screwed up big time. It wouldn’t be them that suffered either. Oh no, it would be him and Thorin and most of all, their precious little Frodo.
Bilbo started pacing, making the little one laugh at him, Bilbo couldn’t help but cast a small smile back at them, after all, it wasn’t their fault. They were rather cute considering all things. However, cute or not, Bilbo had to figure out how to get them back where they belonged. And how to get Frodo back in his arms, where he belonged.
As Bilbo stood there, contemplating his next move, the objects of his rage fell in his front door, a mix of dwarrow hair and limbs. Bilbo walked out into his entryway and stood there, hands on hips and a ferocious scowl on his face. It was Kili who noticed first, who stopped the pushing and shoving. He took one look at Bilbo’s face and gave what he thought was a charming smile. “Hey Uncle Bilbo, nice day, isn't it?”
Fili then realised Bilbo was standing there and pulled himself up to his full height. He didn’t say anything, just stood there with a confused expression on his face, trying to figure out what they had done now. “Not really, no,” Bilbo replied curtly.
“We didn’t do it,” Kili blurted out. “Whatever it was, it had nothing to do with us, honestly. We're innocent dwarrow,” Kili rambled on, giving Bilbo his best innocent look. Unfortunately for Kili, Bilbo had grown up surrounded by tiny fauntlings who had puppy dog eyes down to a tee, Kili’s were pathetic in comparison. Bilbo looked between the brothers, Kili may have been trying for the puppy dog eyes but Fili was trying to impersonate his uncle's stoic glare. Sadly, for him, Bilbo had stared down Thorin in the height of his gold sickness, so neither approach would work on him, and the more he looked at the lads the angrier he got.
Bilbo eyed them, and using a sickly-sweet voice that made both lads wince he asked “So, did you enjoy watching Frodo for us this morning?”
Unsure where this line of questioning was going the brothers exchanged a look of confusion. “Yes, Uncle Bilbo, he was as good as mithril, wasn’t he Kili? He’s a little jewel to watch. No problem, right Kili?” he asked as his brother nodded next to him.
“Hmm, and did you go anywhere nice?” Bilbo asked, a vein of iron entering his voice. The brothers once again looked at each other, trying to sense the trap they were about to walk into, but unsure what it was.
“Not really Uncle Bilbo, we just took him for a little walk, out and about you know?” Kili tried with a wide smile.
Bilbo’s glare intensified. “Ohh, out and about, yes? And this walk out and about you took, did it, by any chance take you near the Old Forest?”
Kili and Fili traded uncomfortable glances. “Would you believe us if we say no?” Fili asked, not quite looking at Bilbo.
“How dare you lie to me!” Bilbo shouted at the pair in front of him. “How dare you stand here, in my kitchen, in my smial which I opened to you whole-heartedly and lie to my face.? How dare either of you lie to me about my child? About your cousin? How dare you let me down so badly? You have put him in real danger. You’ve betrayed every ounce of faith I, or Thorin have ever had in you when it comes to Frodo.”
They almost tripped over themselves trying to explain to Bilbo. “It wasn't like that Uncle Bilbo”
“We only went for a walk”
“Nobody explained why the forest is bad”
“Why didn’t anyone tell us how quiet baby hobbits are?”
It was the last one that caused Bilbo to look at both lads with disgust. “The reason your uncle hired me in the first place is because hobbits are small, quiet and sneaky. You’ve lived here, surrounded by faunts long enough to know how quick and mischievous they are. Frodo isn't the exception to the rule. How dare you blame anyone else for your actions. Or for the danger you put my child in. You took him near the Old Forest. A place you were warned about as soon as you moved here. I explained how dangerous it is for an adult hobbit, why would it be different for a toddler? Why were you so Yavanna dammed stupid?” Bilbo screamed at them.
Both boys backed away slowly, they had rarely seen Bilbo angry, let alone as furious as he was now. Bilbo whipped his head up to stare them down. “You are not going anywhere, I have one of the most important questions of your life to ask you, and you had better answer honestly, Understood?” He waited for two meek nods before taking a deep breath. He knew the answer really, but felt he had to ask. “Did you, ever, even for a moment take your eyes off Frodo in the Forest? At all?”
The lads looked at one another. “I don’t think so, he was always in our sight uncle, I'm sure of it” Kili answered assuredly.
Fili looked up from the floor, his face a picture of anguish. “That’s not quite true. Kili isn't lying, at least not on purpose” He quickly said to Bilbo who was glaring daggers at the younger dwarf. “He tripped. He fell and I helped him up. Frodo was right next to me. When we were both up, Frodo was a little further away and sat playing with some mushrooms”.
They looked at Bilbo concerned as his face went white. It was a stark contrast from the red it had been since the start of there interaction. They heard him mumbling mushrooms, toadstools, oh Yavanna as he sat himself down, unsure if his legs would support him.
Kili rushed to reassure him “ohh yeah, it was really cute Uncle Bilbo, he was sitting in a ring of them, it was adorable. He didn’t eat any of them though, we checked to be on the safe side.”
“Of course you did, I'd never suggest you poisoned him. Just took him to where he can end up in a fairy ring Kili”
“Ahh, that sounds cute, we should have got a sketch,” Kili replied with a soft grin.
It was then that Bilbo realised that they had no idea how terribly dangerous their actions were. And that as open-minded as they were for dwarrow, he doubted they would believe the danger they had put Frodo in. They had heard the stories of the Old Forest and obviously still believed the stories to be over reactions from the softer hobbits. Bilbo just slumped in his seat and gave a soft sigh. It looked like this was going to be up to him to fix, after all, he didn’t expect Thorin to quite understand all the intricacies of the situation if the lads couldn’t, either.
Bilbo sat sipping the tea that Fili had made him, thinking through his options. There weren't many, short of going and switching the toddlers back. He wanted his baby back, as soon as possible and nothing was going to stop him.
He looked over at his nephews. He did love them, but they had been really irresponsible and needed to know their actions were unacceptable. Even if nothing else, they should have respected the fact that Bilbo had said not to go to the Old Forest, regardless of their own opinion.
Bilbo turned the cup in his hand one last time before making his decision. Standing up he called the lads to get their attention. “Right, I've thought about it and decided on your punishment”
“Punishment?” Kili called out incredulously. “We’re grown dwarrow, you can't punish us!”
“I can't, can’t I? Ok, get out of my smial. If you won't accept the fact that you dismissed the boundaries of caring for my child, you can’t be around my child, that includes living in my smial. So, you either accept the fact that you’re banned from drinking and going to the Green Dragon for a month and must clean my smial from top to bottom or you pack and go somewhere else. If you can’t understand that there are consequences to your actions, you can't stay here with my young child. I suggest you decide quickly, as me and the baby are going to pack for Brandy Hall. You have until then to decide.” Bilbo stated as he walked over and grabbed the child and stormed off into his room, leaving Fili and Kili open mouthed.
Bilbo would never usually give them an ultimatum and the fact he was putting his foot down over some old hobbit tales showed them how worried he had actually been, more than anything else.
Bilbo was inside his and Thorin's room taking deep, slow breaths to calm himself down so that he didn’t go back out there and knock his nephews' stubborn heads in with his frying pan. Ugh, Dwarrow, he thought, giving an inward snarl at the whole lot of them.
As he slowly started to pack for the next few days he started calming down. He looked over at the child on the bed, it was starting to whine. Bilbo could feel all his parental instincts screaming at him to care for it. To feed it from his breasts like he would Frodo. The fact that they looked so much like Frodo was tricking his brain into wanting to care for them. Bilbo gave a deep sigh and walked towards the child with one of Frodo's (and Thorin’s) favourite dummies. They rarely had cause to use it, so Bilbo decided it was a small price to pay to keep the child quiet. “I'm so sorry little one, I know you're hungry, but I can't feed you. You need to go back to your mummy and I want my Frodo back. Don’t worry though, you can have this and one of Frodo's blankets to snuggle with. Yes, that’s it, be calm,” he said gently as he shushed the child and placed them in the sling on his front securely. Picking up his bag and placing it on his back he walked back out of his room. Unsure what he would see.
What he saw was a huge relief. Fili was walking around with the mop, whilst Kili had a duster in hand. Bilbo took a deep breath and thanked the lads.
“Were really sorry Uncle Bilbo, we really did just want to take Frodo out. We love him like a little brother and would never intentionally harm him.”
Bilbo walked up to Kili and pulled him down to rest their forheads together and did the same to Fili. “I know boys, but the same way I believe you when it comes to dwarrow matters, when I say something is dangerous for your younger, much more fragile cousin you must listen. Accidents that you would have shaken off as a babe will kill him.”
The brothers looked at each other pale faced. They hadn't even considered that. For all he looked like Thorin in colouring it was obvious Frodo was more hobbit than dwarf. They just apologised again until Bilbo gave them a kiss on the cheek each and told them he’d be back in a few days so no mischief for their uncle. He left his smial to twin choruses of course, and no worries. He had a slightly indulgent smile on his face as he walked out. Yes, he was still fuming mad at them, but he did love them, and as long as he got his Frodo back safe and sound, he would forgive them, eventually.
Bilbo looked down at the sling as he got closer to Thorin's forge. He let out a relieved breath as he realised the little one was fast asleep. He carefully covered up their jagged and odd-looking ear tips with some of their loose curls so Thorin wouldn't see them. He was grateful the child was asleep, after all, even Mr. Oblivious Thorin Oakenshield would notice this little doppelganger wasn’t Frodo if they were awake chattering to him, or opening their mouth.
It wasn’t that Bilbo didn’t want to tell Thorin, he had every intention to do so after he had Frodo back safe and sound. It was just that he knew his husband. He loved everything about him, but that didn’t mean he was blind to Thorin's short comings. One of those things was that he wasn’t much of a planner. He charged in, fire and brimstone fueling him along and didn’t think of the long-term consequences. This “quest” needed a much softer, clever, cunning and diplomatic solution. So, telling Thorin before he had Frodo back was not an option sadly.
Bilbo stopped outside and looked at the sign marking the entrance to Thorin's forge. He couldn’t help but snigger every time he saw it. Only a dwarf as arrogant as his husband would treat his whole race as idiots. He looked up at the sign saying “Thorn's Goods and Gear” and shook his head at his husband's hubris.
Bilbo was waiting for the day when someone called Thorin out on it, someone with such a close name, living with his two nephews, Kilian and Filian, and living close to “The Hero of Erebor”, as Bofur had delighted in letting Bilbo know was his epitaph amongst the dwarrow of the Lonely Mountain.
Hobbits as far as Bree, and even some of the dwarrow who lived there had come to Hobbiton for Thorin's superior goods. Bilbo had mentioned his worry every now and again, but Thorin had brushed it off. He had stated that most Dwarrow weren't overly observant, and as such an old dwarf with a similar name to the great, but very dead Thorin Oakenshield wouldn’t even raise hairy, dwarrow eyebrows.
Bilbo stood there a moment, looking at what Thorin had created during his 6 years here in the Shire. He took a moment to let his mind go back to that second eventful time when he had ended up with unexpected dwarrow company at his door again.
It had been a long year for Bilbo. A year of sniggers, the name Mad Baggins following him around. But most of all, a year of sorrow and grief. He’d buried his heart under Erebor and could never have it back, not for all the treasure in Arda, and he was finding it difficult to move forward in any meaningful way.
The Depression had sunk its claws into him, but unlike most hobbits he had no overly close family to help him claw his way out of it. Usually having family, parents, siblings, children, nieces and nephews and such would help a hobbit settle The Depression. Bilbo had none of these, or at least any that he was overly close to, and the few he actually liked lived on the outer edges of The Shire. The majority of his Baggins relatives had washed their hands with him (apart from Lobelia, but she just wanted his smial, not for all of Arda would Bilbo allow her to have it, he’d rather raze it to the ground).
If it wasn’t for his grandmother, Adamanta Took, and his three Favorite cousins, Drogo Baggins, Dodinas Brandybuck and Dinodas Brandybuck, Bilbo would have lost himself in The Depression completely. Once The Depression let him out of its claws enough to try and win back some form of a reputation, it was destroyed once again by a very dead dwarrow King on his doorstep.
What a shock that had been, the loud knock on his door, the sluggish movements and knowing he should answer it for his relatives but knowing he was in no fit state for company.
Bilbo had eventually done as all good hobbits did, straightened his rather rumpled clothes and opened the door. Only to stand there, jaw open in shock as one deceased Thorin Oakenshield said his name. Just that. Just Bilbo’s name leaving Thorin's lips. Bilbo had stood there transfixed, angry at his own mind for conjuring the one being in the world he had waited to see.
It had taken Thorin gently touching Bilbo’s cheek to startle him out of his daze. “But... your dead, I buried you, I stood at your tomb and sobbed, your dead, your dead.” Bilbo had started muttering to the hallucination before him. Tears had filled Thorin's eyes as he noticed Bilbo start to black out.
It was an overly tearful and confused hobbit who laid in his bed with the cup of tea Thorin had made whilst he wanted for an explanation.
He explained that he had honestly thought he was dying. When Elrond had come to see him, to ease his pain he had found he could be healed. Bilbo had already left Erebor with Gandalf so neither knew that he had survived. He explained it had taken so long to get back to The Shire as he had to wait until he could leave the mountain in secret.
Bilbo had gotten angry, all the bloody hard work he’d put into getting his dwarf his bleeding throne and he didn’t want it anymore. His confusion was obvious so Thorin had rushed to explain. That yes, he had fought so hard to get Erebor back, and largely thanks to Bilbo they had succeeded. However, lying on his death bed had shown Thorin what and where he wanted to be. It wasn’t in the mountain, ruling as he had since he had been barely more than a child.
He wanted to be selfish for the first time in his life, he explained. He wanted to live in the peace and serenity of The Shire. He wanted to live in a warm hobbit hole, hopefully with a warm hobbit husband by his side. Bilbo’s face had flushed bright red as he’d raised his nose and muttered it was a smial, thank you very much.
They had shared their first of many kisses as Bilbo’s door banged open. Making him jump. Thorin had sheepishly explained that his boys didn’t want to be royalty either and wanted to live with Thorin and Bilbo if possible. For all intents and purposes, the Line of Durin was dead. Dain was King of Erebor with Dis as his advisor. Only those two and The Company knew that the three dwarrow were alive and well in The Shire.
Bilbo smiled as he looked at the sign again. Yes, his husband had done well for himself here. Everyone agreed he was much happier. Especially Dis when she had come for an extended visit after Frodo's birth. The love and happiness in his smial often took Bilbo’s breath away. This is what he’d been missing when he ran out of his home that fateful morning. When he’d run after a handsome dwarf and his stunning voice. And whilst it wasn’t the way they’d all imagined it, finally Thorin, Fili, Kili, The Company and the long destitute people of Erebor had all returned to their new homes.
Bilbo sighed as he walked through the doors, now to upset his hotheaded husband, he thought with a sigh.
Thorin was busy in the forge when Bilbo softly called to him. “One moment Amralime,” Thorin called back.
Bilbo hissed loud enough for Thorin to get the message to be quiet. Thorin came out wiping his hands on a rag, walking over with a soft smile as he approached the two. “He sleeping?”
“Yes, I'd like to keep it that way, we have a long journey.” Bilbo answered.
Thorin looked at Bilbo in surprise. “You do? Why?” he asked suspiciously.
“Don't look at me like that, Primula asked for help with her and Drogo’s wedding. I have to go to Brandybuck Hall to help. You don't mind, do you?”
Thorin took a moment to think about his answer. He knew Bilbo and Frodo would be safe, and they were going to his family's home. Family who had done much for his hobbit whilst he was unable to, but it still rankled at his possessive nature to have both of them where he couldn’t get to them quickly. One look at Bilbo’s worried gaze settled his thoughts. “Of course not Ibem, I will just miss you both. Any idea how long you will be gone? I have too much work for the upcoming harvest season to come with you.”
“I know, and I apologise, but we need the details sorted soon, before everyone gets too busy with harvest. I think we will be gone about 3 days, hopefully we will be home early enough for lunch.”
Thorin looked at the love of his life, holding their precious child, the one he thought he would never be blessed to have. Yes, it was frustrating for him not to be able to go with Bilbo and Frodo, but his hobbit would keep them safe. Not that there was much danger in The Shire of course. Thorin also understood that Bilbo was just as adventurous now as he was before he became his husband. Yes, he may stay home and return every evening to him but Bilbo had been an independent hobbit long before he even knew of Thorin.
It had led to a few arguments and misunderstandings in the earlier parts of their relationship. Thorin still recovering from his wounds and gold sickness, getting possessive over all the hobbits who admired Bilbo without him knowing. Bilbo getting frustrated at his smial being turned upside down, his routines being destroyed and his independence unintentionally being curbed.
Like with all their disagreements it came to an argument. A heated one, but after, new understandings and boundaries were set. Now Thorin knew to take a step back. Bilbo wouldn't be taking Frodo away for a few days if he didn’t have to. Considering Thorin owed Drogo his beloved's life, he was one hobbit he wouldn’t begrudge losing time with Bilbo for.
Thorin pulled Bilbo close, mindful of Frodo between them. He took Bilbo’s face between his hands. Pressing him with multiple kisses on his face, and a slower, softer one on his lips he looked at his heart before him. Resting their foreheads together, Thorin softly spoke to him, “of course, take as much time as you need. Let me know when you get there safely and if you need extra time. If you do, I will come and meet you if that is acceptable?”
“Of course love. We will miss you terribly and will come home as fast as possible,” Bilbo answered. Giving Thorin one last lingering kiss before he walked to the door. He turned around suddenly and moved back to Thorin's embrace quickly. “I love you; you know? More then I ever imagined. I'm going to miss you terribly.”
Thorin chuckled as he pulled Bilbo into a hug, running his fingers through Bilbo’s hair and the braid he had put in this morning. “I know Ibem, the feeling is mutual, for both of you. Go on then, and take care,” he released Bilbo, gave Frodo a kiss on his soft little cheek and watched as Bilbo walked off to the pony station. Thorin stayed at the door until they were finally out of sight. With a resigned sigh he walked back into his forge, intending to get as much done as possible in the next 3 days.
~~~~<>~~~~
Bilbo made it to Brandy Hall about 6 hours later, it had been a long ride and he was more than ready to get off this pony. The little one was restless and hungry too, causing Bilbo to frown. Guess he was taking an evening walk in the woods then, he thought. He couldn’t allow himself to feed the child, but his heart hurt hearing their hungry cries. Hopefully one of his many relatives would feed them without Bilbo having to explain. He wanted to get in, get the needed equipment and get back out again as soon as possible.
With terrible timing, Bilbo walked into the large kitchen as his Aunt Mirabella turned around. She gave a shriek of happiness as she rushed towards him. She grabbed his cheeks and kissed them thoroughly.
Bilbo stood resigned, hoping the baby stayed quiet. Sadly, they did not. They gave a cry causing Mirabella to turn towards them. It was as she was gushing all over “Frodo” that they smiled at her.
Mirabella took one look at the child's mouth, at their sharp teeth. “Oh Bilbo, oh no, oh no.” She gasped out. The child reached out towards her, causing her to let out a high-pitched shriek and stumble into a nearby chair. Bilbo stood resigned as he heard the pounding of hobbit feet beneath his aunt's hysterical sobs. So much for getting out of her quickly, he thought grumpily.
Bilbo looked at the door connecting the kitchen to the rest of the great smial as his Uncle Garbadoc and his cousins Sarados, Dodinas and Dinodas rushed in after hearing Mirabella's shrieks. The three younger men rushed to their mother as Garbadoc looked around and noticed Bilbo. “What happened lad?” he asked urgently.
Before Bilbo could reply his aunt grabbed Sarados’ arm and pulled him closer. Her other two sons followed suit pulling in tighter around her. “Garbadoc, stay away. He’s brought an abomination here.”
Garbadoc looked between his wife and his nephew confused. It was only when the babe smiled at the hobbit looking at him that Garbadoc realised what had happened. “Ahh,” he said, unsure what to actually say as he took a step back from Bilbo and the babe.
“Enough,” Bilbo snapped at the five hobbits staring at the child wide eyed. “They are a babe, Fae or not, at the moment. Knock it off and help me get what I need and we will leave”.
Mirabella glared at Bilbo. “You dare bring an abomination into my home. One who is the cause of my grandnephew's death? Why isn't it dead Bilbo? You need to drown it or bury it with iron. But you need to do it now.” She looked at Bilbo’s stony glare, and then at his body. “You didn’t feed it did you? Say you did not Bilbo?” she asked him incredulously.
“Of course, I didn’t. Stop staring at my body, stop staring at the child and stop being dramatic.” Bilbo snapped back aggressively. “I would also like you to stop saying rubbish about my actual child, thank you very much,” he said very peevishly.
Garbadoc looked at Bilbo softly, sadly. “Ohh lad, you know what's happened, don’t you?”
Bilbo looked at his uncle like he was an idiot Bracegirdle and not a more intelligent Brandybuck. “Of course I do, hence why I'm here. I need the Forest Kit.”
“Bilbo, you need to get rid of it, revenge won't do anything to bring Frodo back, but you can get rid of that THING!” his aunt all but screeched at him.
“Enough! Frodo isn't dead, Frodo can't be dead because of who he is, who I am. I need the kit. I need to take this one home and get my baby back. I will do it without one of the Kits if necessary. But it will be easier with one. Also, I need something to eat please? As soon as possible.”
Bilbo was rather appalled at his lack of manners, but he didn’t have much time, and a pregnant hobbit needed food, especially when they were going on a rescue mission into the Old Forest. Well, not that any other pregnant hobbit would go into the Old Forest but Bilbo was out of all other options. It was Sarados who rushed over to the cupboard and pulled out one of the lemon drizzle cakes they were to have for supper and brought it out. Bilbo took one look at it and stepped back. “Sorry to be so rude, but do you have anything else? Lemons.” he explained, trying to laugh it off.
“Bugger, you aren't Bilbo?” Dinodas suddenly called out “Well you can't go now, can you? Me and Dodi will have to.”
“You and Dodi can do what you want, I'm getting a Kit and going to get my son back. With or without it.”
The other hobbits were looking between the pair confused until Dodinas next spoke. “I can't believe you even married him, after I've been asking for years.”
“Dodo, not now, I don’t have time, or the energy for this. I love him, he loves me and he is Frodo’s Adad. Enough. I need to hurry.”
“You're not going Bilbo. Frodo's dead, do you want to follow in his footsteps? Do you want to kill that one to, before it even has a chance of life?” Dodinas all but shouted, pointing at Bilbo’s abdomen. It was then the other hobbits realised what Dodinas was so angry about. All started shouting different things about not risking the newest babe, getting rid of the infant in his carrier, accepting Frodo's fate, etc.
Bilbo stood, trying to breathe, trying to remember that this was his family and they loved him, and Frodo. However, every word they spoke wound him up more and more. “Stop! Right now! I told you Frodo isn't dead. I'm going to get him. Tonight, as soon as I've eaten and packed some food. When I have a Kit, I'm walking out the door. Taking this one home and fetching my boy. Nobody will stop me, understood?” he shouted. Glaring at the hobbits around him.
“Bilbo, son.” Garbadoc started until Bilbo cut him off.
“No. You forget who I am, who Frodo is. Who's blood runs through our veins. The whole reason I have him in the first place. I have less than 36 hours to get my boy home. You forget I stole from an enraged Elf King and a dragon. I can get my son back if I have the supplies I need. I will bring him home.”
Bilbo’s family watched him in awe. They had all heard about his “adventures” but it was another thing to see him, stood there in a silvery mail shirt, hair pulled back in braids and a sword on his hip. This Bilbo wasn’t the same one they saw wandering around Hobbiton on the arm of Thorin. This hobbit was a warrior, looking like renditions of his ancestor Bullroarer Took.
It was Garbadoc that came out of his stupor first. He walked closer to Bilbo and clapped him on the back, carefully avoiding touching the child. “Alright lad. Mirabella knows what a pregnant hobbit needs. She will sort that whilst I go get three Kits ready.”
“Three?” Bilbo enquired.
“Aye son, you don’t think I would let anyone, let alone your aunt's favourite nephew go into the Old Forest alone do you? Especially pregnant. Don’t be daft lad, Dodi and Doni will go with you.”
Bilbo blushed a bright red. He knew the fact he was most of his aunt and Uncles favourite nephew, as well as his Took grandparents favourite grandchild, was the only reason he had been accepted back into hobbit life so easily, with a Dwarrow husband, Dwarrow nephews and the ability to be a male bearer, which was revered by his Tookish family and disgusted his Baggins side of the family.
The fact that his Brandybuck family was taking him and this whole situation so seriously felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulder. He would have gone alone of course, but the fact he didnt have to was a huge relief. Besides, more people meant more protection for Frodo. From anything and everything.
Thankfully both of his cousins were large, strong hobbits (some of the largest and twice Bilbo’s size) and had both been in the bounders so knew how to use the Kits and weapons they were going to take with them.
Bilbo was outside muttering to himself when Dodinas and Dinodas walked up behind him. Bilbo’s ears twitched as he heard someone creeping closer.
He turned with the iron coated dagger in his hand, resting straight on Dinodas' breast. “Don't Dino, I'm really, really not in the mood for your games. This isn't a fauntling Fae hunt. If you aren't serious, you can stay here,” he all but demanded.
“Fine, fine. I was just testing your reflexes anyway.” Dino joked, causing his brother to snort in laughter.
“Of course you were, now knock it off and get ready. You have everything?” Bilbo asked.
“Yep” replied Dodinas, as he started handing out the equipment. Both three and four-leafed clovers were handed out and placed in either trouser pocket, buttons done up to keep them safe. An iron nail placed in the left shirt pocket close to their hearts, a daisy pinned to their lapels, an iron horse shoe attached to a belt loop, and finally, iron daggers sheathed on their belts. After checking each other and sending a prayer to Yavanna they saddled up and made the journey to the outskirts of the forest.
It was there, on the eerie edge of the Old Forest that they tied the ponies and left all their packs, bar a small one with snacks for Frodo, who would be starving when they got him back.
It was as they were lighting their lanterns that Dodinas finally asked what the plan was. “There isn't one. I'm going in, demanding my child back, and if they don’t give me him, they will all die.” Bilbo said sharply.
The brothers looked at him shocked. They had never heard a hobbit with bloodlust in his voice. “Bilbo,” Dodinas cautioned.
“No, they stole my CHILD. I burgled my Dwarrow King from the deepest dungeons in the Greenwood, I stole the Kings jewel from first a dragon and then my beloved himself. Most importantly, I stole Thorin from death's grip. I held his stomach closed until help came. If these Fae think they can keep my child, they will have to think again. If I have to wade through their corpses then so be it.” Bilbo stated, glaring at his cousins. Dodinas and Dinodas took a step back at the look on Bilbo’s face and the fire burning in his eyes.
“Dear Yavanna, you really took on a dragon didn’t you Bilbo,” Dodinas said in awe. Bilbo just grumbled away to himself as he turned around and marched off into the Forest. Following Fili and Kili’s very obvious tracks.
“Bloody hobbits, don’t believe a word I say,” Dinodas heard him grumbling and he gave a small smile at how riled up his cousin was. He looked at his brother and both followed Bilbo into the dark, dangerous Forest, feeling a little better about their odds of getting Frodo back if Bilbo was as capable as he appeared.
The trio had been walking for around half an hour when Bilbo called them to a halt. There was a large clearing ahead of them and Bilbo could almost feel a shimmering in the air around him. As soon as he stepped foot in the clearing the baby strapped to his front started wiggling and gibbering nonsense. Getting overly excited. Bilbo scanned the area carefully.
He quickly removed the sling and the child and passed them over to Dodinas. Dinodas was the better fighter of the two so he took a few steps backwards and took the rear-guard placement. Bilbo told Dodinas not to let go of the baby until he said so, and if he said run, then he was to run fast and far out of the trees. They weren't getting their infant back until he had eyes and hands on his own.
Bilbo cast another suspicious look around before stepping a few paces into the clearing. Putting one hand on Sting and the other on his dagger, he called out. “Fae of the Old Forest, I call you. I call you by blood and bone, by one who belongs as you do. I call you to give back what you took.”
Bilbo waited quietly as the shimmering in the air became obvious to see, even to their hobbit eyes. He refused to blink or tear his eyes from the spot where it was concentrated. As he looked, he saw three shapes emerge in front of him, on the other side of the clearing.
Bilbo risked a quick glance behind him at his cousins. Dodinas had tight hold of the infant and Dinodas was clearly scanning the area whilst Bilbo remained attentive to the figures appearing in front of them.
Once the shimmering air cleared Bilbo looked at the three figures in front of him. They were between dwarves and men in height, however they were as slender as elves with smaller hobbit-like feet.
They were all very androgynous looking and seemed to be made out of barks and leaves. Bilbo sized them up and realised if they wanted to disappear all they had to do was step back towards the trees and he wouldn’t be able to pick them out.
There was an unsettling quiet between the two groups, with only the child squeaking and calling out excitedly. Bilbo realised he would have to make the first move and make his demands very clear. Fae were tricky and often dastardly, so he would need to use all his wits and the ”silver tongue” he was reported to have to get out of this with Frodo safe and free.
“Fae of the Old Forest, thank you for answering my call. I am here for a trade.” he stated softly, trying not to appear as antagonistic as he felt.
The Fae looked at him like he was a worm beneath their feet, as though he had no right to call on them. “Who are you who calls us? We haven't had dealings with hobbits for many generations,” the Fae on the left of the three spoke. Their words were as soft as the wind between the leaves and Bilbo had to strain his ears to make sure he could hear what was being said.
Next the middle Fae took a step forward. They were wearing the largest and most decorated of leaves on their head, so Bilbo assumed they were the leader of the Fae before him. “We have nothing of trade, and you have nothing to offer. Be gone from our place,” they said. Command evident in their voice.
Bilbo took a step forward, slightly withdrew his dagger and said one word, “no!"
The Fae looked at him bemused. Why wouldn’t this unwanted being leave. They had nothing for it.
Bilbo drew himself to his full height, planted his feet in the warrior stance Dwalin had taught him and glared up at the Fae. “I want my child back, unharmed, the way he was taken and free to leave. No tricks, no surprises. I want him in exactly the same condition as he was before you took him. “Bilbo demanded.
There was as soft wispy sound. It took a few moments for Bilbo to realise the Fae were laughing at him. When he did though his glare got even frostier. “Now,” he repeated with more venom in his voice.
The Fae looked at him startled. It had been many generations since a hobbit had defied their right to rule the Old Forest any way they wanted. That included dealing with trespassers.
“He stood in a fairy circle. He’s ours.”
“He is not!" Bilbo shouted up at the Fae leader. “There is an old pact between our peoples. Younglings are not to be harmed, on either side. They are to be returned home. I'm returning yours. I want mine,” he growled out.
“It was alone, adults let it play and left it in our care. It is ours forever more.”
“My child is not an it. And he is still being fed from my body so he is obviously being cared for. You will starve him. Furthermore, the two who accompanied him were not adults. They were Dwarrow teens. So still younglings themselves. Now my baby?” Bilbo forced out as politely as possible. One hand curled so tight his nails were drawing blood.
The leading Fae stepped closer to Bilbo, head cocked, looking at him like he was a mystery. “You're a very bold hobbit. But there are only three of you. You have no power to take your child back. He will be our slave. Goodbye hobbit.” They sneered at him, instantly reminding Bilbo of Thranduil during a snit.
“You may want to reconsider that.” Bilbo called out.
“Indeed?” asked the leader, smirking at what he believed to be Bilbo’s desperate and futile attempt to recover his child. “And why is that hobbit? You have nothing we want.” They sneered at him.
“How about your lives? The lives of your families? The very Forest which we are stood in?”
The Fae all laughed, tinkling and bell like, with a malicious undercurrent to it that left the hair on Bilbo’s arms standing up. “Of course, you and those two will destroy us, were terrified,” one of the underlings taunted him as they laughed.
“You should be.” Bilbo said so seriously and calmly that they whipped back around to actually look at him, properly this time.
“And why would that be?”
Instead of answering directly Bilbo slowly walked his way closer to the Fae, until he was less than five steps away. “Do you know who I am? What I am?” Bilbo enquired almost friendly.
“Insignificant,” one of the Fae answered with the other sniggering.
“Yes,” Bilbo agreed, “I am insignificant in the grand scheme of things. But understand, if anything happens to this insignificant hobbit or my son you will all burn. Down to ever last child. I will dance around your funeral pyre. First, we will start with this one. I will slit their throat in front of you. I will have every right to as you have broken the pact, not I.” Bilbo stated, calmly and almost detached.
“You wouldn’t dare. You will be dead before you tried hobbit!” the leader sneered.
“How stupid do you think I am? Unlike you, I know my enemy, I know what is going to happen if I don’t get my child back. Unlike you, I have people who know if I am not back in 12 hours to start the preparations.”
“Preparations, what preparations?” The leader asked, trying to act aloof and unaffected by Bilbo’s cold demeanour and aggressive stance. No hobbit had ever stood up to them like this. It was just a fact that occasionally hobbit young went missing, or other infants were left with the hobbits until they reached their majority and rejoined their brethren.
“I will give you one more chance to return my son to me of your own free will.” Bilbo ordered.
“Never.” The Leader screamed at him.
That was the last straw for Bilbo. He had tried trade and diplomacy. Now came force. Almost instantaneously after the Leader spoke Bilbo was standing in front of them with his Iron-tipped dagger against their neck. Bilbo secretly enjoyed the slight sizzle the Fae’s skin made when the iron touched it.
“I will not give you another chance. I want my child. I want him now. Before I call Yavanna and the Old Spirits to dispense justice on you, whilst I destroy your entire legacy as you are trying to destroy mine."
“The Old Spirits, ha, why would they answer your call Hobbit?” The Leader snarled at Bilbo.
Bilbo gave a shark-like grin before answering. “Because flesh of flesh and blood of blood, bone of bone and heart of heart. All who are Fae can call for aid, even against their own.“ Bilbo replied maliciously and received great satisfaction from the gasps he heard.
The Leader was finally looking frightened, finally taking Bilbo seriously. “Who are you?" They croaked out, with the blade slowly pressing into their neck.
“That should have been your first question. I am Bilba Labingi, Son of a Took and a Baggins. Fae on both sides. Bearer of Frodo Baggins-Durin. A Prince of Erebor. Consort of the great Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain.” Bilbo answered grinning evilly at the Fae under his knife as their eyes grew wide at what Bilbo was saying, carefully watching the others out of the corner of his eye.
“Do you want to hear more?” Bilbo whispered in the Fae’s ear, almost secretively. “I am thief, burglar, The Stinging Fly, He who Walks Unseen. I am the Riddler in the dark, the only person in history to escape the dungeons of Greenwood. I am Smaug the dragon whisperer and the one who caused his demise.” Bilbo carried on.
“I am elf, dwarrow and man friend, Dwarrow royalty who has three colony armies marching forwards as we speak. Erid Luin can be here in hours when Thorin calls the alarm. If my child isn't returned, you will sign your own doom."
“Your lying” one of the Fae squeaked out.
“Listen to my voice, see if I'm lying for yourself. My elven, dwarrow and mannish friends are royalty. They will come to the aid of the only child of The King Under the Mountain in a heartbeat. I am friends with the eagles of Manwe and giant shape shifters. How much is one little dwobbit worth to you? Because to me he is worth the entire world, and every soul in it. Especially the souls of those who decided to steal him from a burglar.” Bilbo said almost sweetly.
“You wouldn’t dare, blood of blood protects us,” someone stuttered out.
“Not anymore it doesn’t.” Bilbo replied. “You had your chance. You have destroyed the pact, not I. You refused to return a child to his bearer. You lack all familial honor. Your ending will be rejoiced as you will have single handedly destroyed the colony here.”
The Leader was still stuck under Bilbo’s knife, blood slowly dripping from the knick in his neck. “Is one little creature worth genocide?” They asked.
“Shouldn’t you be asking yourself that? After all, I’ve made my position very clear.” Bilbo emphasised his words with a quick movement of the knife, causing it to touch undamaged skin. “Shall I tell you exactly what will happen if you don’t fetch him shortly?” Bilbo asked with a condescending grin.
“My husband will call reinforcements. Erebor, The Iron Hills and Erid Luin will answer. They will come with their axes and saws and chop your home down, one tree at a time, before it's either all gone or they find Frodo. Next the elves will shoot each and every being that tries to flee. The earth will scream with the blood spilt on it, as the men scorch everyone in their path. They do like their fires after all, don’t they?” Bilbo asked almost conversationally.
“And if my child is harmed, in any way, I will throw your tortured bodies to the orcs and goblins. I will salt the earth so nothing can recover. I will have my child, or my vengeance. The choice is yours. It is time to decide, now!” Bilbo shouted, face twisted with the fierce anger he felt.
This time the Leader looked at Bilbo with no small amount of respect, and fear. They took a hesitant step back, away from the knife and Bilbo. “Very well, the child will be returned and the bearer of that one will be summoned. We will make a straight trade, no repercussions on either side. Do we have a deal?”
Bilbo took a moment to appear to be thinking. “Deal, even trade, one child for another. May the Old Spirits watch us honour our agreement.” Bilbo declared loudly into the shimmering air. Making sure the Fae wouldn’t try another trick on them after he had Frodo.
He stepped back and motioned for Dodinas to come forward with the child. They stood waiting side by side as a fourth Fae appeared, holding a screaming, squirming Frodo. The infant in Dodinas' grip let out a shriek, causing Frodo and the Fae’s eyes to jump to them.
Frodo screamed out “Papa”. Trying even harder to get loose. He finally bit the Fae on the hand that was holding him, he tumbled and ran headfirst, as fast as his chubby toddler legs could take him. Screaming “Papa, Adad,” as loud as he could. Bilbo crouched and pulled him into his arms as soon as he was close enough. Trusting Dinodas to cover them if necessary.
“Hey Baby, you ok? I missed you,” he whispered softly into Frodo’s hair. He stood, Frodo in his arms and motioned for Dodinas to pass the other infant back. The Fae grabbed them and clutched them as hard as Bilbo was Frodo. A look passed between them. The Fae nodded their head gratefully before disappearing back into the mist.
Frodo didn’t take kindly to being ignored now he was in his father's arms. He was babbling and batting at Bilbo’s arms, over excitedly. All Bilbo could really make out were the words “bad” and “leaves”. He was sure there was a weed eater in there too. Thorin and the boys really needed to watch their tongues around the faunts, Bilbo thought idly. Bilbo quickly passed Frodo over to Dodinas, who secured him in the sling, as the Fae approached.
“Our business is concluded. Do not return Bilba Labingi. Take your offspring and leave our woods.”
“I will, but do not make me return. If any young do not return after stumbling in your Forest I will return. This time there will be no warning." Bilbo replied, glaring at the Fae. With that, he started walking backwards, hands on his weapons.
Frodo was still shouting and trying to get to his papa but the adults ignored him for the time being. They reached the edge of the clearing and all three hobbits dashed off quickly through the Forest. They didn’t stop until they were outside the Forest boundaries and next to their ponies. Only then did Bilbo once again gather Frodo in his arms. He crouched down, surrounding his boy with his body and sobbed into his hair. Telling him how much he missed him and how loved he was. Frodo just stood there, in his fathers arms. Content for the moment.
It was much later, after a peaceful ride back to Brandy Hall, that found Bilbo and Frodo sat on the pony in front of Dodinas. It was Donidas quiet “oh bugger” that alerted Bilbo to the next crisis. He looked up and saw what had upset his cousin. There in all his majestic, glowering glory was his husband.
“Well, he was quicker then I thought he’d be,” Bilbo mused aloud.
“You knew he’d turn up? And you didn’t warm us?” Dinodas gulped out, eying Thorin and the dagger he was twirling, warily as they approached.
“Yep, I actually expected the lads to take longer, what with having to explain they were in trouble. They don’t usually like to admit when they acted like fools.”
“Ahh but I asked why they looked upset and Kili looked ashamed. I believe losing my child is a different kind of shame then all the other mischief they get into.” Thorin called out, one big bushy eyebrow raised in an unimpressed way.
“I’m surprised they figured it out to be honest love. I never told them,” Bilbo called back.
“They didn’t, I did. They are currently being pampered by your aunt, as apparently losing young hobbitlings is something of a regular occurrence?” Thorin asked, a bit confused and slightly annoyed.
“Only if they are Tooks and Brandybucks. And they have nothing on the males of the Durin line, present company included.” Bilbo said with a sweet smile for his husband as he rode his pony next to him.
“Bilbo, Amralime, is he well?”
“Of course he is, you don’t see the Forest on fire do you?” Bilbo said cheekily as he pulled his cloak off Frodo’s sleeping form. “He’s fine Thorin, I swear.”
Bilbo saw Thorin intake deeply as he softly stroked his child’s hair. “Thank you for saving him” Thorin said quietly, turning Bilbo’s hand and kissing it.
“Always, besides, people need to learn they shouldn't steal from a burglar. He’s mine too”
“I now Ibem, I know. Come on down, out the chill” he said quickly, pulling Bilbo off the pony, with Frodo nestled safe in his arms.
Thorin turned to the brothers who had been stood there quietly. He really didn’t like Dodinas, though Dinodas was good company down the Dragon and at parties.
“I thank you both, for helping Bilbo and saving Frodo. I owe you a life debt” Thorin said regally, bowing his head at the two.
“No you don’t, ignore him you two,” Bilbo called quickly. “No debts, no deals on the edge of The Old Forest, also, they are Frodo’s family, they are blood bound to help. Now stop being daft and come on,” Bilbo prattled on, still walking away, ready to go to bed.
“Honestly Thorin, its no problem. Bilbo’s right, he’s family,” Dinodas said.
“Exactly, couldn’t let him run off on his own again. Last time he came back followed by dwarves, this time Frodo wasn’t the only babe to consider,” Dodinas carried on.
“DODI, shut up.” Bilbo shouted over, face pink.
“Another babe?” Thorin asked confused, then noticed Bilbo’s pink face. “Another babe?” Bilbo just ignored him. “You went on a rescue mission, pregnant? Bilbo Baggins-Durin. What do you mean you went against enemies pregnant?”
Bilbo gave a huff and glared at his cousins for good measure. “I had to get Frodo back, you would have failed, I took back up. Me, Frodo and the babe are fine. So drop it Thorin.”
“Drop it, drop it? I swear you are more reckless then the boys.”
Donidas and Dinodas stood back, a little confused at the huge smile crossing Bilbo’s face as he sniped away at his husband. Thorin crowding Bilbo into the smial, ranting all the way.
“Those two are weird,” Dinodas decided as he heard Bilbo’s happy laughter filling the air, as they disappeared into their room. All safe and together once more.