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Perhaps Ajax thought he was being quiet when he opened the great timber door, shiftily tiptoeing over the threshold to no avail as that smoldering, red-eyed stare met his.
“Care to explain?” Exhaustion was more prevalent in Diluc's voice than anything else, lowered and husky with the inevitable disappointment that came with this revelation.
The sun had long dipped below the horizon, the moon hanging dutifully in the sky and dousing the old mansion in shadows. Gentle candlelight reflected the deep stains of blood seeping into the man’s clothes, the dark carpets soaking up the drops that escaped the cuts and wounds.
“I’m barely injured, c’mon.” the ginger straightened up slightly, holding his arms out. The faded scars covering his arms were now outlined with fresh additions of nicks and grazes. His open posture was likely presented with the desire to appear open, but he looked proud, with relaxed shoulders and an easy grin giving the opposite of its intended effect.
“You know it’s not about that,” Diluc said resolutely, brows furrowing even further as he crossed his arms. The stress radiated off him, his shoulders tensed with his jaw set.
“Archons. It’s been months. Can we just leave it this time?” Ajax sighed, sitting in one of the scraggly armchairs and began picking at the loose threads. He itched at the corners of his nostrils, the blood stinging with every breath he took.
“‘Months’ is an overstatement.”
“You seriously count that? It was self-defense, Diluc.”
The redhead sighed, massaging the deep bags under his eyes and limping over to the opposite chair. “There’s a trend, Ajax.” He put emphasis on the other’s name.
“A trend? Four incidents is barely a trend.” Ajax scoffed.
“In less than a year. Five if you count your little act of ‘self-defense’, which I do.”
Ajax didn’t have a good argument against that, leaning back and continuing to pick at the chair. A pout sat on his lips, forming an expression that no longer suited someone of his age as the usual smile lines fell slack. The bloodied clothes felt like a protective shell; they felt right. The gentle cotton and blouses Ajax had been conditioning himself to wear were stuffy and caressed his calloused skin unpleasantly. It was too gentle compared to the scratchy hardness that his old garments always bore after they’d been washed out with all sorts of chemicals. Even then, little reminders formed in the shape of vague red outlines, his beloved scarf completely overwhelmed with them, a faint metallic smell following the fabric whenever Ajax bothered to dust it out. It was far too tattered and used now to be anything other than a reminder of his past - a past that now felt a lot fresher, after recent events.
“Are you even going to ask what I did?”
“No. Do you think I want to know?” Diluc met his gaze, red eyes burning under heavy lids and angled brows. “We’ve done this too many times.”
“Fine. Do you want me to apologize? Because we both know it’s not going to be genuine.” Ajax said harshly, words clipped in his bitterness. It took a few added seconds of thinking for him to sigh and clear his throat. “I’m sorry for betraying your trust, and I’m sorry for breaking what I promised to you, but I’m not sorry for what I did tonight.”
“I know. It’s just… I can tell, you’re getting worse again.” Diluc’s words came out tentatively and teetered awkwardly. It was a delicate topic for both of them, one neither wanted to touch unless it was entirely necessary. The wound had been left to fester until just before it became fatal. Maybe it had hit that critical point long ago, but neither of them had realized.
“There was no getting better. You knew that when all of this started.” Ajax said quietly, moving away from picking at the chair to his scarred arms, running stained fingers over the texture and closing his eyes. This conversation had been bubbling below the surface for years, its most superficial edges now becoming scratched.
“At first I did regard that idea as a definite possibility, yes,” Diluc confirmed.
“And now?”
A beat of silence, the fire crackling away in the fireplace. It hadn’t been fed for hours, desperately holding onto its last embers. “I’m not sure.”
“You should make your mind up. Uncertainty isn’t a good look on you Diluc.” Ajax huffed a mirthless laugh.
“You’re making it quite difficult. I’m sure you can see that just as clearly as I can.“
“Hahaha, oh… this is good. I often wonder why I even agreed to this. You’ve muzzled me, really. I didn’t think about it at the time - the long-term, I mean - but now I’m living in that reality…” Ajax trailed off, lifeless blue eyes flicking to Diluc’s.
“Don’t warp the events to how you’d like to see them.” His voice was tense now, echoing a wave of anger that would have sparked far faster if it had been only a few years previous. Diluc shifted forward, looking up through his red fringe to glare darkly at his partner. Ajax simply chuckled. The tension buzzed, and he was revelling in it. It had been far too long since he’d been able to coax this old echo of Diluc out of his polite and put-together shell, years of pleasant domesticity eroding his fiery streak to gentle embers. If the ginger had been in a more rational state, he’d have recognized the thought errors his corroded mind was throwing into the fray, but he was so wound up that the old frenzy that battle used to send him into that any semblance of reason was left far behind.
“Says you.” Ajax eventually got out, no other defense laying for him to use.
“I know what you want from me, and I’m not giving it to you.” Diluc sighed, getting up and stretching, “Talk to me in the morning when you’ve decided to stop acting like a child.”
“You expect far too much from me. Have you forgotten who I am?”
“Who you were . Unless you’d rather me start calling you Tartaglia again, hm?”
“I wouldn’t mind-“ Ajax started, eyebrows raising, his reaction having no effect on the other’s stony expression.
“That wasn’t a question. I’ll dress your wounds in our room.” Diluc left no room for any further comments as he turned his back and left, leaving Ajax alone with only the crackling embers to keep him company. The surging bitterness remained as a sneer grew on his lips, no audience there to see it pull on his already tense face. The wounds did need to be addressed, but Ajax - or more accurately, the torn up and warped part of him that grasped desperately onto every thought - begged for them to be left and neglected. To let them scar how he used to and add them to the innumerable collection decorating his body, ones which were far too many and severe even for his age now. The ropy hypertrophy that brought a sick satisfaction to look at and trace with calloused fingers had faded in a way that hurt far more than the original injury. At least, they did now in these punctuated moments of vulnerability.
Even so, he forced himself to get up and sigh, the aches and pains of battle weighing on his ligaments and bones. The blood crusting around his nose was wiped away, hands tingling from the elemental fatigue. The decades were already taking their toll, hair greying prematurely and joints cracking where and when they shouldn’t. Both men knew exactly why and never spoke of it. Their delusions had both been set long aside, even if Ajax often longed for its addicting allure and its buzzing presence by his side. As it had been agreed, the toll they had was too high. In the moment, all Ajax could do was curse his younger self for being so naïve for agreeing to such a disabling proposition. The ring laying on his finger felt much more like a handcuff than a commitment born of any real love.
In their room, Diluc sat there with the bandages and medical equipment, giving a doleful stare once Ajax had undressed and sat on the bed. The only sound was their breathing and the rustling of the sheets. It had become a no man’s land with no further discussion allowed as Diluc gently dressed the wounds, his well-worked hands taking the utmost care as he disinfected and bandaged the worst cuts. Once it was done, warm palms ran over his hard work, then the redhead nodded and rolled over to face the other wall.
“Goodnight, Ajax.” He breathed. The ginger gave a noncommittal but not altogether disagreeing noise in return, not bothering to pull the sheets over himself as sleep took him.
It was just as the sun began to rise as Ajax woke, gasping and sitting upright. Surprisingly, Diluc sat there too, moving to give a questioning glance that asked ‘Are you okay?’
“I’m fine.” The words came out cracked and rasped but were sincere. Diluc nodded.
“Good. Get up.” While it was worded like an order, his expression and softened tone made it feel like a polite request.
“Am I allowed to ask why?” Ajax inquired as he did what he was told, pulling on a casual pair of clothes, brows becoming crescents in his confusion. After the events of the night before, anything but a terse and frustrated conversation was downright puzzling. Let alone Diluc’s face curling into a slight smile.
“We’re going to spar.”
“… huh?!” Ajax looked as though he couldn’t believe his ears, blue irises made entirely visible from how wide his gaze grew. “Your leg-“
“Don’t insult me,” Diluc said, though not angrily. Ajax bit his lip, clearly resisting the urge to fire back, given that he couldn’t remember the last time the redhead had even raised that beautiful greatsword, let alone been in real combat. Diluc had been well and truly softened by countless hours of office work and menial jobs. But he remained silent, trying to process the olive branch he’d been offered instead.
The man was still shell shocked when the two of them made it to the small and unkempt weaponry. Cobwebs and dust lay around the racks of swords, bows and daggers. Not all of it was completely out of use, however. The anvil and shelf of claymores were gleaming, the dirt disturbed recently too.
“When did you…?” Ajax asked, both impressed and utterly distraught.
“Almost every day.” Diluc easily grasped one of the swords and swung it around fluidly, eventually resting the flat of its blade on his shoulder. The ginger’s lips ticked up in a giddy little grin.
“Of course you did.”
“I believe now I had a good reason. Do you need a weapon?”
“Hahaha, funny joke.” Ajax activated the hydro vision and formed the twin blades, brandishing them in the air as proof before banishing them again. “Do you have any rules in mind?”
“No Foul Legacy. Other than that, no. I expect you to perform to the best of your ability.” Diluc said
“You’re leaving an awful lot of room for some extra condition here, I can tell.”
“We talk after this.” Diluc nodded “For now, we do as we used to - fight me how you used to, Ajax.”
The younger of the two shivered at those words, relishing in them as if it was the first time he’d heard them. In many ways it was. Ajax had been the one to approach the other upon their initial meeting, arms spread wide with the promise of combat. The barren dirt and surrounding grass for a moment transformed to the overwhelming white of decades past, the now unmistakable redheaded visage belonging to a blur of destruction wreaking havoc across the Fatui settlement Ajax had been stationed in. The utter desire that gripped the man even now at that memory left a burning pit in his stomach. Suddenly he was eighteen again, the lust for battle flaring and utterly consuming the man.
As he said then, and then again and again later, Ajax bowed his head. “Don’t hold back.”
As their blades met, Ajax watched Diluc’s stance, shifting his weight onto one leg and teetering on the other. He was tentative, taking on a purely defensive position as the ginger danced around him, ignoring the pains and aches from the night before. It wasn’t even close to the intricate dance around each other, feeling much more like an awkward off-tempo tango. Too slow and too cumbersome to be any real challenge. Just as a disappointment was beginning to seep in as Ajax pulled his blades to the other’s back and throat, Diluc quickly switched his footing and swung the hilt of the sword into Ajax’s stomach, disarming him and falling back, teeth bared. It must have hurt, given the long-standing injuries crippling him, but the sword’s infused blaze only burned brighter, the flames going from a red-orange to a near blueish white.
“Good, good.” The ginger grinned, catching his breath after being winded “That’s what I want to see.”
“I’m glad.” Diluc threw the claymore over his shoulder, the phoenix that Ajax had grown to miss so dearly bursting out into the pale morning light and vaporizing the weapons the younger man had thrown out to cover himself.
“I was worried I’d won,” Ajax called as he rounded, rolling his tight shoulder and conjuring one of his hydro polearms
“Not yet.” The redhead replied, parrying a strong blow and barely recoiling from it, holding strong and advancing with the claymore still alight. As Ajax pulled a dagger out and launched himself off Diluc’s onslaught, a laugh escaped him. This was all he’d wanted, after all. The troubles and woes of only hours before ran away for the moment, becoming faint in comparison to the clashing of blades and the sound of rushing blood in his ears.
Now, finally, it became just like it was. Maybe not as polished, but neither two commented on it. Given that Diluc had been largely out of combat for years, his ability to hold his own was shockingly impressive, the man somehow taking advantage of the injury that had plagued him for so long and unexpectedly switched his stance to depend on his lame leg at odd moments in a way he never would have when such an ailment hadn’t been an issue.
Even so, it was inevitable that Ajax would win, Foul Legacy or not. As close as it was, they both knew the ginger had the edge, Diluc relenting as his own blade was disarmed and held to his neck.
“Was that enough for you?” Diluc asked, thoroughly out of breath. He more or less collapsed to the surrounding seared grass and flopped back to face the sky.
“Never.” Ajax joined him “But you know that.”
“Mm. Your nose is bleeding.”
The ginger frowned, feeling the drip once it touched his lips. He wiped it away with a singed sleeve and grimaced as it continued, a metallic tang sitting on his taste buds. The injuries from the night before buzzed, a static burning in his fingers and arms. As the battle-hungry haze faded, the side effects left Ajax winded on the ground. Diluc’s neck inclined in his direction, red gaze neither shocked nor surprised as Ajax curled up in pain. His expression begged for answers from the other.
“I had to remind you why we made that agreement in the first place.” The older supplied “I never muzzled you. You already did that to yourself.”
“You’re so cruel.” Ajax breathed, managing to add a choked little chuckle onto the end before groaning again and folding over further.
“More so than your stubborn insistence on your own self-destruction?”
“Hahaha. If you count that then the cruelest of all is fate itself.”
“Perhaps,” Diluc replied, though his stare implored for further elaboration.
“I was supposed to take it by the throat. Well, I had; Or at least, bent it to my will, after everything. I got so close. But in the end, it was all completely meaningless. I was on the wrong side of history, and instead of going out in some blaze of fire and glory, I was left to slowly rot with a man who all but wanted me dead.” It tumbled out of the man, bursting like a long-blocked dam, barely making sense as he took another breath. “How couldn’t I crack after so long? Because otherwise…” he ran out of steam then, closing up again. It was enough.
“…What was it all for?” Diluc finished. The rest was better left unsaid, both men intimately aware of what ‘all’ constituted.
“Yeah.” Ajax croaked, mouth forming into a little frown as he faced Diluc. His eyes were far off and distant, their empty and endless depths staring off far past any worldly occurrence. The wound was being stripped and cleansed of the infection, leaving the man bare and bleeding for Diluc to simply watch and listen.
The early morning birds chirped as a warm wind gently touched their faces, ruffling the mix of grey, red and orange in front of the men’s faces. Work would begin within the winery soon, coloring the air with the hustle and bustle of everyday life. It was a gentle yet not entirely subtle reminder that it would all continue regardless of if Ajax and Diluc were there to see it. This future wasn’t for them.
“Were you ever happy?” Diluc asked, silently despairing. His tone was quiet as if they weren’t the only two there.
“At first, maybe. Sometimes, still.” Ajax replied, answer not holding onto anything of substance. He bit his lip, sighing. “Yes, I was. I was happy at the idea that maybe I could be the person my family always wished I could be.”
“You succeeded. Your brother-“ Diluc was cut off by a quick shake of the other’s head.
“Teucer’s forgiveness has nothing to do with it. He never saw how I was before. Ma knew that it would never happen. She told me that, in her own way.”
“Hm…”
“And Pa, too. But he didn’t say much about anything in the end.”
“And that’s why this happened?”
“Honestly, I don’t have a good answer for you Diluc.” Ajax closed his eyes, fiddling with his ring. “I can’t be like you and leave it all behind. Ever since the Fatui fell apart, I feel like pieces of myself have been going with it… As I said, I wasn’t supposed to last this long.”
“I know.” It was another quiet admission. “I always regarded this as the most likely outcome, as much as I wish it wasn’t.”
“I did too.”
Not even a week previous, Ajax had received a letter from his youngest brother, informing the two that he was getting married. Only a few months ago, Diluc had reached the age his father had been when he’d died. The celebrations for both had felt muted and empty. It had been far more a mourning for the time that had been lost than anything else. The relationship the two shared since had been largely transactional, Diluc spending long hours away in his office or in Mondstadt’s main city.
“How is this going to end now?” Diluc shifted closer, calloused palm reaching to trace the lines and scars on his partner’s face.
“I don’t know.” Ajax leaned into it, breathing shaky. “I’m so tired.”
“I understand,” Diluc said softly. “It’s alright.”
The dam holding everything back did more than just burst now; it's very foundations were falling apart. Years - decades - of hurt and repressed emotion cascaded through the man. It broke him far more than anything else could, because for once everything had been laid bare in an amalgamation of helplessness and desperation. One final testimony for a man missing one too many pieces to ever be truly whole again. The messy stitching was unravelling and had been doing so silently ever since Ajax had failed to uphold all of the promises he’d made - to himself, his family and his country - in those few paradigm moments years before. All of it had come tumbling down in the worst way. No glorious supernova had been waiting for him, instead destined by the sadistic hand of fate to burn out and eventually get swallowed by time.
And because of it all, against all odds, tears began to build in the corners of the man’s eyes.
“Ajax.” Diluc’s stare widened, mouth slack with wonder as his fingers moved to catch the drops running down his cheeks. “You’re crying.”
“Huh. So I am.” It wasn’t really a laugh, more like a breathy and shocked few puffs of air. The sting of the salt made once clear retinas watery and red, swimming in a way they were so unfamiliar with.
“You haven’t- this is the first time I’ve seen it.” The redhead could barely string the words together. He didn’t say anything more, continuing to wipe the silent tears away. The dull blue irises remained unchanged… but this was the closest they’d ever been to showing any real sign of emotion since that fateful day that was so long ago now. The tears of a scared and lost boy in the deep snowy woods were finally returned to their owner.
“Maybe there’s still some hope out there for me then.” Ajax chuckled a little, though that seemed to just make him cry harder, getting Diluc to pull the man into an awkward embrace on the grass and pressing his face into the mess of ginger, rubbing circles into Ajax’s back. Tension was slowly releasing from muscles pulled to their tightest extreme for years, relaxing and softening under a warm and solid touch. The sobs were dispersed by patches of wet laughter; laughter which Diluc eventually joined in on, until their embrace broke apart. It might have been hours, the ginger’s face a mess of tear tracks and eyes red raw. But through all odds, a smile sat on his face.
“Hey,” Ajax said
“…Hi?” Diluc tilted his head to the side, propping himself up on his elbows and looking at the other. Amber eyes scanned that blotchy, wet face, searching for anything that gave away how he was feeling.
“I think we were wrong.” The ginger slowly inched his way off the ground, groaning. Diluc just shook his head, giving a small chuckle in return.
“Clearly. It’s best if you keep going to prove it, then.” The man responded, his tone full of warmth and something that resembled pride. If anything, it was a start. Perhaps Ajax would die trying, but trying was better than slowly burying himself alive in the way he’d been quietly doing so for years.
“I’ll do that then.” Ajax got onto his two feet, a small smile on his face as he watched the sun slowly rise over the great hills in the distance, bringing light to everything around it. Diluc followed, a new day ahead of the both of them. One where things might just go better than the last.