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There were only a few times in Crowley’s existence where he felt the entire universe shatter beneath him.
Once when he was cast out of Heaven.
And another when Aziraphale stood before him, grinning, exuding joy, but telling him that he wanted to go back to Heaven, become an Archangel and return Crowley to his former status as an angel.
“Tell me you said no.”
His body was tense with fear and rage as he stared at Aziraphale, whose smile was fading, confusion and disappointment in his eyes which only fueled the fire raging inside Crowley.
“Tell me you said no.”
Aziraphale was silent.
“I…I didn’t say no.” Aziraphale stuttered, his brow furrowing, and Crowley’s stomach dropped.
“I didn’t say yes either,” He quickly added and took a step towards Crowley, a desperate pleading smile forcing itself back onto his face and Crowley glared at him cautiously.
“Crowley, listen, if I’m in charge…I can make a difference.”
“A difference?” Crowley scoffed bitterly and Aziraphale’s face fell once more. “Angel, there is nothing you, or anyone can do to fix them.”
Aziraphale’s brow furrowed, and he frowned. “I-I don’t believe that. Without Gabriel…”
Crowley let out a loud groan. “You think Gabriel is the only one who wasn’t good? It's the whole lot of them!”
Aziraphale huffed. “He was the one in charge, and now…now that can be me, and I can bring you with me…”
“I don’t want to go to Heaven!” Crowley hissed. “Why would you ever think I’d want that? We are fine here. We’ve been fine here.” he stared into Aziraphale’s shocked and pained expression and added, "Haven't we?"
"We've been fine but in Heaven…"
Crowley let out a frustrated growl, cutting him off, and turned away from Aziraphale quickly, pacing a few steps away.
"Alright, okay, before you continue with that…I need to say what I was going to say."
He turned back to Aziraphale with a shaky breath, summoning his courage.
“We’ve known each other a long time. We’ve been on this planet for a long time. I mean, you and me. I could always rely on you. You could always rely on me. We’re a team, a group. Group of the two of us. And we’ve spent our existence pretending that we aren’t. I mean, the last few years, not really. And I would like to spend…” His voice cracked and he groaned and Aziraphale watched him with wide, shocked eyes.
“I mean if Gabriel and Beelzebub can do it, go off together, then we can. Just the two of us. We don’t need Heaven, we don’t need Hell, they’re toxic. We need to get away from them, just be an us. You and me, what do you say?”
Aziraphale gaped at him, his heart pounding, trying to process everything Crowley had just confessed. That unspoken thing between them that had been growing between them just laid out before him.
Go off together, as Gabriel and Beelzebub had done. Gabriel and Beelzebub who risked everything just to be with one another. Who wanted nothing but the other. Who loved so fiercely, it was the only thing that mattered. Heaven didn’t matter, Hell didn’t matter.
But Crowley didn’t understand…
“We can be together…in Heaven.” Aziraphale said quietly and a deep scowl crossed Crowley’s face. “Crowley…”
“No, angel. No.” Crowley growled and then crossed the distance between them quickly. Aziraphale barely had time to wonder, predict what he would do before Crowley grabbed him by the lapels and slammed his mouth down onto this.
Aziraphale squeaked, his eyes widening in shock, hands waving around at his sides as he registered what was happening. Crowley’s mouth, hot and hard, was on his.
His hands found their way to Crowley’s back, shaking as they lingered there as he closed his eyes tightly, for a moment giving into the feeling that he’d wanted for longer than he’d ever really known.
Just as quickly, fear and panic bubbled within and his hands withdrew from Crowley as if he’d been burned, but he couldn’t remove himself from his lips.
The kiss broke and Aziraphale pulled back with a trembling gasp.
His eyes moved about the room, anywhere but Crowley, though Crowley kept his eyes focused intently on him.
His breathing was labored as he tried to catch his breath from the sheer amount of emotion that kiss flooded him with.
"Why did you do that?"
"I need you to think about this, angel."
"I am." Aziraphale responded indignantly, his voice cracking. "I have, I am thinking about us."
"No, you're not.” Crowley hissed. “Because if you knew me, if you knew us, what we've been to each other the last six thousand years, it wouldn't even have been a consideration."
"I…" Aziraphale began but quickly cut himself off with a sharp twist inside of him because deep down he knew…Crowley was right.
Crowley let out a deep breath and approached him slowly. "Stay. Tell me you'll stay. Because I am not going."
Aziraphale’s lips trembled, and he glanced away from Crowley to the door where he knew Metatron was waiting.
His heart ached.
Heaven was….Heaven and he was an angel. He was being offered the chance to fix what was wrong, to change what had gone wrong, to restore Crowley to what he had previously been.
"Crowley, please, I don't want to go without you."
"Then don't."
He said it as if it were that easy.
Tears welled in his eyes.
"You're better than them, Aziraphale."
His eyes narrowed slightly. Better than Heaven? Well certainly the angels had their issues but Heaven as a whole…
"Better?"
"Yes, better. Eons better. Do you know…do you have any idea…" Crowley let out a growling sigh and stalked in circles and Aziraphale watched him carefully.
"No of course you bloody don't you weren't there."
"Weren't where?"
"In Heaven, Aziraphale." He turned to him sharply. "When we swapped and I went up there in your place." He pressed his lips together in a tight line. "They were going to kill you."
Aziraphale’s eyes widened. "What? No that…"
"All of them, not just Gabriel, all of them wanted to throw you into hellfire and because it was me," he angrily pushed his own finger into his chest and Aziraphale flinched, "because I'm a demon, I survived, you survived. And I just can't believe, after all of this," he growled and gestured around wildly to the now clean bookshop, "that they'd just forget all of it, change their minds because they won't. Because they don't and never have and I am not willing to risk your life for them."
"That's not…. that can't be….you're lying." His voice broke because he knew he wasn't. Crowley had never lied to him, but the truth hurt so much more.
Crowley took a deep breath in, his stare piercing through him and swallowed thickly. "Well, if you believe that then maybe you should go."
Aziraphale shook his head slowly. "Why would they…"
"Because you don't belong there."
Aziraphale took a deep breath and huffed out his nose. "Why would they offer this to me now?"
"I don't know but I don't trust it and if you had any good sense, you wouldn't either."
"I…" Aziraphale frowned and once again glanced out of the bookshop.
"We can figure it out together, just as we always have. Here."
Beyond those walls the Metatron was waiting for him to return with his answer. He had walked back into the bookshop so certain that he could make things right. That Heaven was the best thing he could hope for, for both him and Crowley. Yet now he wasn't sure. His stomach felt a little sick with the weight of the words Crowley had told him.
Crowley was a demon, but Crowley had no reason to lie. Aziraphale knew exactly what Heaven was capable of. He had lied to Heaven just to protect three innocent children from their own plan.
He knew he could make things better…but did he truly want to? And could he do it without Crowley?
"Aziraphale…" Crowley's voice drew his gaze back to him and his chest felt tight at the desperation in his eyes.
"We could…. we could just be us."
Seemingly of their own accord, his eyes dropped to Crowley's lips and Aziraphale could still feel the pressure and warmth of them against his own. He brought a trembling hand up to his own mouth and then dropped it just as fast, turning away from Crowley with a sudden gasp.
He closed his eyes tightly, fighting the tears. His hands curled into fists at his sides as he warred with the emotions that were threatening to consume him.
Could he really leave Crowley? Return to a place where he hadn't belonged for quite some time? A place where, according to Crowley, they'd wanted him dead.
A place he thought they'd be safe. A place where he could make it safe.
His eyes opened and a tear rolled down his cheek as he stared at the door.
Crowley wouldn't be safe there, no matter how hard Aziraphale may try.
He couldn't bring Crowley there and Crowley wouldn't go.
But the world…this precious planet he'd come to love so much. He could do so much to help it from Heaven. If…
If…
If they let him.
His eyes narrowed as he turned his gaze to the floor. After all this time, why now?
"Aziraphale?"
Aziraphale straightened up and cleared his throat. He glanced a little over his shoulder towards Crowley.
"I know what I must do."
Crowley furrowed his brow and shook his head. "What…? Aziraphale!"
He called after him, lurching forward, his heart in his throat as Aziraphale marched out of the bookshop.
He debated running after him, stopping him but something stopped him. He felt frozen to the bookshop, helpless as Aziraphale disappeared from view.
He growled under his breath, running his fingers through his hair as he whirled around, away from the door.
Agony. Waiting was agony. Worse than anything, he'd ever had to wait for before.
Each second seemed to tick by at a glacial pace and he stood with his eyes closed, afraid to turn around, afraid to face the very real idea that his best friend, his angel, his love could very well leave forever.
Too long. It had been far too long. He was gone too long.
And then the door opened.
He inhaled, held his breath, opened his eyes and slowly turned around.
Aziraphale was in the doorway, but his eyes were wide with deep emotion, tears welling there and Crowley's stomach dropped.
"Angel ..."
Aziraphale took a sharp breath, his eyes widening more for a moment and then he cleared his throat, took another deep breath, steeled his features.
"Crowley."
Crowley’s jaw tightened; his tongue felt heavy in his mouth.
He'd come to say his final goodbye and Crowley didn't want to hear it.
Then Aziraphale crossed the distance between them, stopping just in front of him and met his eyes.
"You were right.” He said, his voice a little breathless, quick but decided. “I…I told Metatron I was declining the offer."
"You did." It was both a statement and a question as Crowley's dubious eyes looked him over, searching for the truth.
"Yes, I did. I couldn't…I…" Aziraphale grunted in self-frustration and reached out, grabbed Crowley's face in both hands, fixed on his surprised, widened golden eyes and then brought his mouth down to his.
Crowley stiffened in response, just as he had done the first time, but then quickly relaxed, melting into him, moving his mouth and kissing him back as his arms came around him.
Aziraphale let out a quiet whimper of pleasure and Crowley echoed with a growl of his own.
For millennia Aziraphale denied that he'd wanted this, but he could deny it no longer. He'd just denied Heaven for Crowley. To be with Crowley. To live on Earth, where he belonged.
He pulled away, still holding onto Crowley's face and let out a shaky breath, his eyes full of emotion.
"I choose you." Aziraphale said. "Crowley, it's been you…it was for you. I thought…incorrectly so, we could be together in Heaven, as angels but…" he tightened his grip on Crowley's face as Crowley frowned and began to shrink away. He held him in place, meeting his eyes. "I shouldn't have assumed that's what you'd want. It's not what I want, not really." Finally, he lowered his hands to Crowley's shoulders and averted his gaze, laughing nervously.
"It's my turn, I suppose, for a grandiose speech…" he cleared his throat and his hands fell to his sides where his hands twitched nervously.
"Angel…" Crowley's voice was soft, softer than he could ever remember hearing from him, and his eyes snapped back up to him in surprise. The look in his eyes stole his breath.
"I understand."
Aziraphale shook his head and swallowed thickly. "No, no you deserve to hear it. You risked everything just now and I almost threw it all away and I need you to know. My dear Crowley…you are, and always will be, the most important being in my life. I…" he paused, and Crowley lifted his brow, "I don't need you to be an angel. I thought that is what you wanted. I thought it'd make you happy, I thought…"
"You make me happy, Aziraphale. I don't need Heaven. I just need you."
Aziraphale’s lips twitched in a shaky smile. "Forgive me?"
Crowley stepped in slowly, once again closing the distance between them and lifting his hand to cradle Aziraphale’s face.
Aziraphale melted into his touch, giving in.
"Tell me you're staying."
Aziraphale’s hand lifted to cover his and he locked eyes on the golden ones he adored so much and couldn’t believe he almost left behind. "I'm staying."
"Then there's nothing to forgive." Crowley said before once again swooping down to capture his lips.
Aziraphale hummed against his mouth, smiled into the kiss and then languidly draped his arms around his neck. Warmth flooded through him, with the relief of finally. Finally, they were doing this.
“Let’s get out of here, Angel.” Crowley whispered against his mouth.
Aziraphale pulled back to look at him, blinking. “Go where?”
Crowley’s lips pulled into a grin. “There’s a table at the Ritz with our name on it and a ton of alcohol to be consumed.”
Aziraphale’s eyes lit up, his hands sliding to Crowley’s chest as his smile widened to match Crowley’s. “All for us?”
“Only for us.”