Work Text:
Watching Naruhodo sail away felt like succumbing to his greater fears. The breeze was violently gentle against Kazuma’s face, and his eye lids closed in deference. Standing by the harbor, dressed in pristine white, wearing the suit that had been given to him all those months prior. How miserable he must’ve looked, as his lonely figure craved the blurry and unrecognizable shadows of those who were to depart. His heart was still set on the words he had exchanged with Mikotoba the night before.
They were to leave on the morrow — she had said — and goodbyes were of importance to her. She apologized, for leaving him behind and betraying her prime intention. Kazuma had feigned a content expression; he told her that she was not to worry about going back to Japan. He had died, after all, and time had moved forward for everyone. When she attempted to question his well-being, he simply replied by smiling bitterly and chanting hollow words.
“Do not worry about me, I will be fine.”
To complain was a privilege liars were not worthy enough to receive. He had let Mikotoba and Naruhodo down, he had revealed the contradictions which rested within his apparently sharp and detached logic. He had not been a honest and righteous man, he had no place in his loved ones’ lives.
Mikotoba smiled and thanked him and Asougi thought about all the times he had heard those very words coming from her. When she was a young and shy child, when she began to grow into the professional lady she had now become. If only he hadn’t been so focused on his blusterous emotions, maybe he would have seen the little sister who hid behind Mikotoba’s composure.
Kazuma laughed. Why was she even thanking him? There was no need for any of that. She laughed, too, covering her mouth with her hand. It seemed Asougi had been convincing. At last, Mikotoba said that Naruhodo knew nothing about her visit.
Kazuma’s world crumbled a bit more. His head felt light and his pulse accelerated. Ryuunosuke knew nothing, because he had opted on leaving before he could even see Asougi again.
And then Kazuma was alone, staring at the clear sky and the shimmering sea.
He had lived his life believing that he was made to protect those around him. That’s what his late father had taught him, what his father had been capable of doing until his last breath. However, Kazuma was different from him. He had failed to protect his mother, as her skin turned pale and her hands stilled. Asougi still remembered the emptiness of those times, when he had lost his anchors and his life seemed tormented by a curse.
But he promised himself that he would be better. He swore on his life that he’d never be left alone again, that he’d prevent anyone from getting hurt. Holding Karuma close to his heart, he slept through endless nightmares.
Years later, Naruhodo had brought him back to those promises he had made to himself. Being with him was easy, joyful — he learned to love Ryuunosuke quickly. They used to sit together under rich trees, reading textbooks or practicing English.
“You learn so fast, Asougi! I’m honestly amazed…”
Those words glimmered with appreciation and Asougi’s heart grew bigger. Naruhodo smiled at him, full of pride and faith. Back then, Asougi had a great weight in his hands — Ryuunosuke’s trust was made of glass. A glass so pure, it reflected warm shades. He had wondered if that was what his father meant, when he told him of profound affections that had to be treated with the utmost care.
Naruhodo was eager to leave behind everything he had built in Japan just to follow Kazuma through the end.
Ryuunosuke’s cheeks were reddish and his irises sparkled with fearful enthusiasm as he accepted Asougi’s request. Kazuma smiled, out of authentic happiness — one he had not experienced in so long. He told himself that it’d be okay, even if the truth were to come out. Sooner or later, he would’ve revealed to Naruhodo his intentions, his everlasting mission, the lies he had to say in order to fulfill his dream.
That day, however, did not come, and everything had been discovered in the harshest of ways.
Colorless shards were scattered without remorse, and Kazuma stared at his gashed, bloody hands.
He had betrayed Ryuunosuke. His trust, his appreciation. His warm expression and his soft hands. He had destroyed it all.
He deserved to be left alone, Kazuma realized. He had done more wrong than right and he had made the same mistakes of men he had despised.
He thanked the sea for taking care of his loved ones and he cursed the ruthless waves for taking them further away so quickly.
Asougi waved back to Holmes and Iris. They were distant, but they recognized the sadness in Kazuma’s soul.
“Kazumie, I was wondering,” said Iris once she had approached him “Would you like to join us for tea?”
He shook his head, smiling politely.
“I’m truly sorry, Miss Watson, but I’m very busy these days.” The young lady nodded, understanding. She did not insist, or try to convince him.
“I see! Try not to overwork yourself, Kazumie.”
She went away, hand-in-hand with Holmes.
Asougi thought of a time in which he, too, held his father’s hands to keep himself steady, in the midst of a busy street or during a local festival. What a distant memory.
Kazuma watched as Londoners strolled around the harbor, carrying heavy-looking bags and wearing posh hats. He witnessed the departures of complete strangers. Families would hug and lovingly shout warnings to those who were to sail; lovers would exchange a timid, quick, hidden caress, and then smile through the pain of separation. All of it seemed foreign, unusual, almost unreal. He did not belong anywhere.
The Sun was about to succumb once Asougi finally decided to leave the harbor behind. He took one last glance at the sea, now browning and mysterious. He asked himself what Ryuunosuke was doing, aboard of that steamship. Kazuma hoped, childishly so, that his friend had been thinking about him. Maybe, Naruhodo too was asking himself what had become of Asougi. It would have made it all worth it, to know that he had crossed Naruhodo’s mind even once. To know that he was still wanted, needed, appreciated. That maybe not everything was a waste of Ryuunosuke’s time.
Asougi sighed, salty tears burning his eyes as he ran away from the harbor.