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1.
The thing is, no matter how casual or careless Dan Feng could be, none of his paramours ever seemed to hate him. See: Jing Yuan currently in the kitchen making breakfast for him even though Dan Heng had just passed by his brother's room, and he'd definitely heard some not so decent noises coming through the door.
Was it that blond thing that had shown up at their door crying at 2 a.m. last night? Was this a two for one deal now??
Dan Heng tried not to waste too many brain cells on Dan Feng's inexplicable liaisons, because he would never understand how his brother's mind worked.
He silently and stealthily made his way to the front door, tiptoeing past the kitchen, because it was always awkward to meet Dan Feng's conquests the next day. The best case scenario was them doing a double-take at him and staring for too long, their thoughts basically written on their face about what it would be like to get in bed with both twins. (Dan Heng would rather die). The worst case scenario was—and Dan Heng's face darkened at the mere thought—when they mistook him for his brother and tried to accost him. It was the reason why Dan Heng had decidedly chopped his hair short as soon as they left home, even though Dan Feng cried for days afterwards over how they were no longer matching.
Dan Heng froze, foot already halfway into a shoe, when Jing Yuan poked his head out of the kitchen.
"I made you a set too," he said, smiling warmly at Dan Heng, who only jerkily nodded his head in return.
Thankfully, Jing Yuan didn't try to make small talk with him. He hummed a little tune to himself and took the tray out with him, heading in the direction of Dan Feng's room.
What kind of angelic service was this? Dan Heng wondered to himself in awe. Dan Feng invited someone into bed with them, and Jing Yuan even made them all breakfast? Dan Heng stared guiltily at the breakfast left on the table for him, conflicted for two seconds before snatching up a piece of toast. He took a tentative bite. It was perfectly crispy but soft at the center, just the way he and Dan Feng liked it. The eggs were also cooked exactly right, the yolk oozing out slowly when Dan Heng pressed a fork down. He scooped them between two pieces of toast along with a few pieces of bacon and munched away, sighing happily.
He hoped Jing Yuan would last longer than the usual week.
2.
Then, there was Blade.
Dan Heng had run into him—literally—when he'd opened the bathroom door one morning and steam had wafted out, dissipating leisurely like some mythical scene out of a Xianxia novel to reveal the half-naked figure of the most perfect body Dan Heng had ever laid his eyes on.
"uhm," Dan Heng stuttered, unable to tear his eyes away.
The man's voice was even hot, deep and husky. "You're not Dan Feng."
"I'm—gone," Dan Heng had answered, brain finally booting back online as he almost tripped over himself in his haste to flee back to his room. He didn't need a shower. He needed a hand down his—no!—He just needed a few deep breaths. Many deep breaths. Many many deep breaths.
*
Blade's breakup with Dan Feng was also the thing of legends. They had screaming fights that involved throwing books, then lamps, then furniture, and Dan Heng huddled cowering under his blankets as his finger hovered over the speed-dial to emergency services.
He was both relieved and horrified when the thumps against the wall were followed by screaming of another kind.
Dan Heng thought sadly: he was going to have to disinfect everything.
*
It was a few (quieter) weeks later when Dan Heng bumped into the man again outside the downstairs of their apartment on the way back from an evening class.
He was just standing there, staring up at where Dan Feng's room was.
"H-Hi?" Dan Heng waved a hand awkwardly.
Blade was smoking a cigarette, picturesque as a model even amidst the lazy mishmash of buildings that made up the college town architecture. "Is he up there with someone else?"
Dan Heng nodded, then immediately shook his head.
Blade raised an eyebrow, the smoke drifting from his cigarette adding an artistic haze to his face. "Which is it?"
"I'm...not sure," Dan Heng finally admitted.
"Is he—happy?"
"He's...Dan Feng," Dan Heng shrugged. His twin's thought process and emotional contentedness factor was a mystery beyond a mystery to anyone else, and Blade seemed to understand as he didn't say anything else, but he didn't leave either.
3.
Dan Heng walked into the living room and almost spat his coffee out. "A-Aren't you two with each other?"
Kafka eyed him from where she was curled up with Himeko on the couch, hair mussed and in a shirt that was only half buttoned up—a shirt Dan Heng recognized as Dan Feng's. "Anything's worth a try. And if you want to try, try with the best, right?" She blew a kiss at Dan Heng. "If Dan Feng can’t do it for us, no man can."
4.
Dan Heng was already late for class, dashing out of his room in a panic while shoving textbooks haphazardly into his backpack without even looking at the titles, only to stop short and stare at the person emerging from Dan Feng's room. His books all went clattering onto the floor.
"Professor Yang?"
His professor was missing his signature scarf, and the amount of skin that was bared at his neck was almost indecent, was indecent with the way it was mottled with—with—Dan Heng couldn't help the sight that was emblazoned on his eyeballs, and sincerely wished he could go blind right this instant, immediately.
Could he somehow erase the last ten minutes of his memory and pretend it never happened, was that technology available yet?
Professor Yang coughed, trying to pull up the lapels of his shirt as he nodded at Dan Heng before going on his way, perhaps in a more hurried manner than usual. "Don’t forget to hand in your paper by Thursday."
5.
Can I stay with you guys? Dan Heng texted Caelus one late Wednesday night, as he took in the number of unfamiliar shoes piled up outside the door. My brother is being a ho again and I have a paper to finish.
Caelus' door on the opposite side opened, inviting him in. "Again? Is there anyone on campus Dan Feng hasn't rolled into bed with yet?"
Dan Heng only gave a long-suffering sigh in response.
-
That was why, it was inexplicable that not a few days later, Dan Heng opened his front door, only to look back up at the number, then at the distinctive set of matching boots and sneakers that had obviously been kicked off in a haste by the side, then back up again, with a growing sense of dismay and betrayal.
He stormed upstairs to his brother's room and wrenched the door open.
The sight that greeted him was, as expected.
"Dan Heng!" Caelus meeped and dived under the covers.
Stelle shrugged, draped as she was on Dan Feng, as if to say, what can you do?
"No," Dan Heng intoned, slamming the door shut again. "No."
His phone chimed incessantly as he made his way to the nearest coffee shop, feeling like his only sanctuary in the world had been violated, his closest allies defected.
He flicked the screen on with a flinty expression. Let's see what Caelus had to say for himself then.
im sry dan heng, but your brother's reaaaaaaally hot
not that ur not
it's not the same?
we're friends, so i dont see u that way
did you know he could do that with his tongue? w o w
shit i didnt mean to send that
i'm really sry dan heng i'll make it up to uuuuausodsjfkljga;
Dan Heng filled the screen with periods and furiously ignored them for a week.