Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

DAY 0
LOG 0

I'm alive again! That's unusual. When I die, I'm supposed to die proper so the next batch can carry on our duty. Getting an actual second chance feels weird.

Where am I, though? I don't recognize this alley.

LOG 1

I asked some locals where I was. They grabbed cleavers and told me it's not their usual choice, but I look more appetizing than any hare they've ever seen. I told them my knives aren't nearly as picky about what they chew up, even filthy cannibals.

That'd make this District 23, then.

As cathartic as it was to graze after getting trounced at the library, I just realized there’s a serious problem on the horizon. I went to the library with the rest of 4th pack, right? And I know one other 4th pack batch got sent in before us. If I'm back in the City, it stands to reason that the previous batch is back too. And that puts me and every other R Corp flunky that stepped foot into the library twice in a sticky fucking situation. There's now a set of copies of all of us somewhere in the City (or more, if R Corp was psycho enough to brew up another batch after fucking up twice already), and the Head of the City has a strict "no clones" rule. Very strict. "Wipe R Corp’s miserable existence off the face of the planet if we don't comply in seven days" strict.

I better get my ass out of this hellhole and back to HQ, then. I'd track myself down right now if I could, but given where I woke up, she could be anywhere in the city. Better to report for duty and make use of R Corp's resources.

DAY 1
LOG 0

I’m back in District 18. R Corp is taking a strict "First Come, First Served" policy regarding Fourth Pack stragglers: first clone to arrive is immediately reinstated, second clone gets politely escorted to the disintegration chamber for early retirement. It's kinder than I expected from the higher ups, honestly. The power squeeze the City's facing these days must be harsher than I thought for the board of directors to be trying to salvage Fourth Pack at all instead of disposing of us on principle. I half-expected them to have replaced us with a fresh batch of Fourth Pack soldiers by now, but it looks like they’re stuck with whatever they can get their hands on until someone invents a new perpetual motion machine.

It's a miracle I made it first. I was up all night trekking across the city to reach HQ. I could have taken a W Corp train to make it sooner, but I’ve never trusted them. I don’t have hard details, but Nikolai adamantly refuses to use them when we have missions in the city, and I assume she has good reasons.

LOG 1

Most of the Fourth pack survivors are coming from the second batch to visit the library. They’ve got an obvious advantage, since they know the first generation's out there. Most of the latecomers don't even know what's going on until the cuffs are already on them. It feels like the City in a nutshell: fair rules of engagement, unfair preparation allowed to one side.

I'm part of the platoon providing security for HQ. We’re disarming the ones that need to die as efficiently as we can, but a few of them are catching wise. We all came back to life with our equipment still in hand, and when a 4th Pack soldier decides they don’t want to just go and die, things get dicey pretty quickly. We’ve kept unintentional casualties to a minimum so far, thank god, but the property damage to the plaza is getting out of hand (some of the Rhinos we shoot at see the writing on the wall and decide they’re taking something with them, usually a nearby building). Quarantine orders have been issued to the entire district while we try to sort out the mess.

We’ll see how much of 4th Pack is left after all the dust’s settled. Hell, we’ll see how much of District 23 is left.

DAY 2
LOG 0

The other captains finished up a few hours ago. Rudolph fried himself from the inside out, shorting out an entire neighborhood's power grid in the process. Maxim wasn't allowed anywhere near himself for collateral damage reasons, but the Ravens found his copy at his favorite curry place and managed to subdue him there. Nikolai walked through the front doors of R Corp, asked if she was the first one there, and was off to the war room immediately to help conduct the recovery effort. When her copy arrived an hour later asking the exact same question, she didn't bat an eye when the cuffs came out. She handed over her equipment and strode off for disintegration without another word. I asked the Ravens if they could save her massive nuts for me, but they told me to fuck off.

There's not so many clones arriving at HQ anymore. I wish I could say tensions are relaxing, but there's a Beholder in the lobby, and that scares the fuck out of me. If we miss even one, we can be sure the Head will know.

LOG 1

I've been relieved of sentry duty to help track myself down. I'm shocked I didn't surface somewhere already. I'm not the sort to shirk duty, and it's been long enough that I could’ve reached HQ from any far flung corner of the city by now.

Could my clone be dead? It's not… totally out of the question. Based on reports from the other Library survivors, they've been surfacing all over, and I can think of one or two places dangerous enough to cause even me trouble.

No use dwelling on that, though. The safest way out of this mess is to find and deliver myself back to HQ to put the question to rest beyond any shadow of a doubt. If I can't do that in another day, the higher ups will have to step in, and then I will be in truly deep shit.

DAY 3
LOG 0

I am in truly deep shit. I've checked the safehouses I stashed emergency supplies in around the city. None of them have been touched. I've been up and down the streets of the district I grew up in, on the off chance that my clone was feeling sentimental. I checked my favorite ramen stall. Firing ranges all across the City. Hotels. Cafes. Not a single trace of me in any place I have any reason to care about.

My time limit technically doesn't expire for another three days, but I can be sure R corp won't wait that long to settle things. They've got me, and that means the easiest way to make sure they're in compliance is to dispose of me. It doesn't help that I'm the only member of fourth pack with a clone still at large. I'd be impressed at how thoroughly she went to ground if it weren't my ass on the line.

Where the fuck am I??

DAY 4
LOG 0

Nikolai called me in. She told me I was one of her finest and she really didn’t want to liquidate me. I told her she could shove her worthless platitudes up her ass for all I cared. Probably not doing my rapidly dwindling lifespan any favors, but to my surprise she had an actual point to make.

"The Library,” she asked. “Is there any chance you'd go back alone to finish our original assignment?"

"Not a chance in hell. Not our mission anymore."

She sighed. "I misphrased. Is there any reason you'd go back to the library for ANY reason? Any at all?” She narrowed her eyes. “An old crush, maybe?"

For the record, I did a damn good job keeping my face straight. "I put aside whatever I felt about the Red Mist a long time ago, Commander. What’s going on here? Are you getting your last shots in before you’re rid of me? Better make it count, bitch." Okay, I completely lost my temper, but I’m still pretty sure I kept my face straight.

"Shut up and listen.”

That was a direct order. No way around it. I squared my shoulders, stood at attention, and half-shouted, “Sir! Blow me!”

Nikolai rolled her eyes. “R Corp still has some questions outstanding about the Library. What the librarians know, what they have on us, what they can do with it. The board of directors isn't planning to throw 4th Pack at it a third time, thank god, but they need someone to do reconnaissance.

"If it's you, that kills two birds with one stone. The Head doesn’t care what happens in the outskirts. If you take the mission, that'll ease up the deadline so we can make a proper sweep for your better half. If we find your clone's corpse, you might even be allowed back into the city."

"And if you find my clone alive? What then?"

"The board certifies her immediately. You would be disposed of the instant you finished your report." I opened my mouth to argue, but she cut me off. "You're not exactly negotiating from a position of strength. If you get out of the city right now, you have a chance. If you don't-- well, you have about three hours to find yourself before the Ravens formally mobilize against you. I'll let you run the odds on that."

“Three hours? There’s two and a half days left on the deadline!”

“CEO’s not taking a chance on that. I’m not either. Now get the fuck out of my office.”

So, I guess I'm going to the outskirts! If I can even make it to the library on my own, I might have to take another go at burning it to the ground, just to pay it back for all the shit it's putting me through.

LOG 1

I’m in a hurry, so I took a W train to the border checkpoint. It was fine. Dunno what Nikolai’s so worked up over. Maybe she’s just resentful she can’t afford first class tickets.

LOG 2

This is it. I'm leaving the city, most likely never to return, on some kind of hare-brained suicide mission to a library that already killed me twice. If I do my job right, R Corp probably disposes of me the instant I get back. Or I could give up and stay in the outskirts for the rest of my life, which I would consider a much slower and more annoying equivalent to disposal.

Maybe I'm being unfair, though. It doesn't look so bad just outside the city walls. Maybe the outskirts have civilized a bit since the last time Fourth Pack was out here?

DAY 5
LOG 0

I HATE THE OUTSKIRTS!!!

DAY 6
LOG 0

Just doing this to clear the daily log reminder on my stupid helmet! Happy grazing!

DAY 7
LOG 0

busy

DAY 8
LOG 0

I think I bought myself enough breathing room for another log. There were still a few bandits after me last night, but I can only hope they've given up by now and returned to their ambush spot at the City gates. I've been out of the City plenty of times before now without being ambushed. Probably because the rest of Fourth Pack was with me all the other times.

Now that I had a single second to think things through, it makes sense. There must be a steady stream of exiles from the City, and it stood to reason that some of them would still have expensive loot or modifications on them. If I were an exile bandit scumbag-- and it might be time to start giving that career path a serious thought now that the City wants me dead-- I would pick my fights carefully, letting larger groups through without hassle. A single Rabbit must have looked like a juicy morsel.

Well, they won't get that morsel. They got some lucky shots on me before I noticed them, but they're in the rearview mirror now, my wounds are sealed and healing, and I'm not planning to slow down now that I'm through their blockade. I wish I could have spared more time to graze, but I'd like to get the current mission out of the way first. I can fight for pleasure later.

DAY 9
LOG 0

My thoughts keep drifting to that other Myo. If she was standing in front of me right now, would I kill her for all the trouble she's caused me or shake her hand and wish her well? R Corp's selection program is about producing the best me possible, and this clone has pretty fucking well outmaneuvered me at this point. Maybe she deserves my spot. If she's any smart, she's already crawled out from whatever rock she was hiding under to take over my life in the city.

I can see the Library on the horizon, not that that's worth much. Landmarks in the outskirts tend to hang on the horizon for days and days, unchanging, until you notice you're right next to them. At least I can go in a straight line from here.

DAY 10
LOG 0

I’ve arrived at the base of the library. There s a lovely set of double doors at the front entrance. I see two guards, evidently not worried about intruders given that they’d brought out a table and some chairs to play cards. One of them has red hair, is covered in a lattice of scars speaking to a long history of battle, and has been the object of my admiration for almost as long as I've been alive. The other just noticed me and started waving, and is also me.

She wasn’t actually supposed to be here!

All my earlier pontificating went out the window. That bitch is dead. Don’t care about the mission, don’t care about the library, don’t care about Kali. I’ve done this a thousand times before. Just unholster my weapon, take aim, and fire.

Chapter Text

I came to at their table, where they’d helpfully propped me onto a seat after Kali punched my lights out. Dumbass that I was, I had assumed that silly logical truths like me having a gun and Kali sitting unarmed at a table twenty meters away would give me a chance against a former colored fixer. She’d been in front of me before I had my rifle even halfway pointed at the other Myo, and the rest of our epic showdown had lasted about three milliseconds.

My weapons were leaning on the door to the library behind Kali, and she’d left my helmet on the table, but she hadn’t bothered to tie me up. Anybody else wouldn’t have lived to regret underestimating me like that. Kali… could get away with it. For now. Until my head hurt a little less.

"Need an ice pack?" Kali asked, noticing I had roused. She had put away the cards and was now idly ashing a cigarette into the dust of the outskirts. "I couldn't hold back. I know what you can do with a weapon."

I should have been so flattered. "I'll survive," I said. Stupid answer. I had a raging headache and I could feel my left eye swelling shut. But at least I would keep my pride. “What’s next? Interrogation? Torture? Are you waiting for someone more important to show up and order my death?”

“Nah,” Kali said simply. “Not in that business anymore. I just don’t want anybody getting hurt.”

Great. If the Library wasn’t going to do me in, that took “dramatic last stand against impossible odds” off of my list of options. I guess I’ll be learning how to be an outskirts bandit after all- “Hey, hands off!” I shouted at Other Myo. She’d picked up my helmet.

“Why do you care? It’s mine too.” To prove her point, Other Myo thumbed the biometric scanner on the neck of the helmet, which beeped affirmatively and unlocked for her. She shrugged and tossed the helmet over to Kali, who caught it easily in her free hand. “Not like it matters. Angela forced me to incinerate my kit before she would open the doors for me. Didn’t want traceable tech in the library, I guess.”

I swung my attention back to Kali. “You can’t do that,” I pleaded. “I’m not dumb enough to try fighting you again. If you just let me take my equipment when I go, maybe I’ll have more than a snowball’s chance in hell out there. Without it, I’m sunk.”

Kali raised an eyebrow. "You're not planning to stay? She is," she said, tilting her head at the architect of my misfortune sitting across from me.

“What? God, no,” I said, genuinely confused. Stay at the library? They tried to kill me!

"What the fuck are you doing here, then?" Asked Other Myo. "Geb said-"

"Don't call me 'Geb'," Kali said, putting the helmet back on the table. Oh, right, she went by a different name now.

"Gebura said there'd probably be another one of me running around, but I dunno why you'd hike all the way out here by your lonesome just to say hello. What's your angle?"

"My angle is I got orders, asshole. I can't stay in the City while you're alive, so I got exiled while they try to track you down. I guess that's out of the cards if you're holed up here. Would it have killed you to let anyone in R Corp know you were going on vacation?"

"Oh yeah, the clone thing,” she said with exaggerated nonchalance. “Forgot about that. And no way I'm ever talking to R Corp again. I'm done with all that."

"Wh- Done wi-" I spluttered. "You fucking psycho! R Corp is your entire life. I know because it's MY entire life. Where do you get off pinning all this trouble on me and then tucking tail and running to the farthest possible point from civilization? Are you kidding me?"

"Hey. Chill," Gebura said, although something about the way she lit a new cigarette as she said it suggested she was interested in seeing where this went.

"You really don't get why I'm here?" Other Myo asked. "You see who you're sitting next to, and you still don't get it? I came here for her."

I flushed crimson, either from embarrassment or anger. I could decide which later. "You did not just say that. Not in front of her."

"I couldn't believe it either when she told me the first time," Gebura said between puffs of smoke. "She really bared her soul when she arrived a few days ago."

I looked at Gebura skeptically. I wasn’t the sort to bare my soul to anybody. "Look. Let’s say I were to decide to sever all ties with R Corp: maybe I would end up here. But why sever in the first place?” I found myself genuinely invested in the question, and not just because the window on my last opportunity to return to the city was slamming shut in front of me. R Corp didn’t hire just anybody on; there was a strict psychological criteria to be met, and anybody who made it onto the team was highly unlikely to randomly decide they want out, not in a thousand generations. Myself included. Even now, cast out of city without any hope of ever being let back in, I would throw myself at Nikolai’s feet and grovel for any chance to work with the 4th Pack again.

Other Myo was looking thoughtfully at me. “Who killed you?”

The seeming non-sequitur threw me off my pondering. "Huh?"

"The first time you came to the Library. Who killed you and the other Rabbits?"

"Uh, I dunno. Some weedy loser with blue hair."

"Chesed," mumbled Gebura. “Good on him.”

"Sure. And that matters?”

“Means fuck-all for you,” Other Myo said. “But I got got by- I was killed by- It was more significant for me.” She wasn’t able to say the name out right, it seemed, but she tilted her head slightly toward-

Oh. Pieces were starting to fall into place, now.

“We’ve been in some bad shit,” Myo continued. She had her left hand on her thigh, tapping discordantly. I did the same thing, sometimes; meant she was anxious. “I’m sure you know all the usual half-assed justifications we come up with. Just doing what I’m told, for the good of the City, can’t have justice without order, the higher-ups know more than we do, all of that shit. It didn’t work.” She leaned forward and dropped her voice to a whisper, and Gebura courteously turned away to smoke, even though she’d apparently heard this whole spiel before. “What was I supposed to do, when the person I admired most killed me? What clearer sign could there be that I chose the wrong path?”

“What the library was doing,” Gebura said carefully, “wasn’t so just.” She’d been listening in after all. “You shouldn’t expect any sort of absolution here.”

“Regardless,” Myo said with a wave of her hand. “A sign’s a sign. I had to leave. Immediately. I booked it for the walls the instant I got back. Didn’t want to tempt myself into staying, and R Corp would have ganked my ass if I actually tried to quit to their faces.”

“True enough,” I said with a shrug. Silence settled between the three of us. Gebura was happy to smoke in peace, and Myo was too self-conscious to continue trying to justify herself; I was still trying to wrap my head around her decision.

I’d asked her why she left, hoping against hope for some earth-shattering revelation that would make everything make sense. The hell of it was, I’d gotten exactly that. If there was one person in the world that could change me to that extent, it was Gebura. Everything Myo had said made sense.

But it didn’t move me.

Maybe I just had to be there, under the weight of Gebura’s fury, dying at her hands. Maybe this Myo had some crucial psychological difference to her, picked up from her own unique experiences, that set her up for this decision. Maybe there was something wrong with me, not her. Whatever it was, I felt it like an itch underneath my skin. The mission was still there. I had to complete the mission.

And it was never my mission to kill this Myo, was it?

“Gebura,” I said. “I’ll have to decline the offer of hospitality.”

“I see,” Gebura said with obvious relief, to Myo’s immediate chagrin. “Wasn’t looking forward to trying to figure out how to tell you two apart.”

“I was sent here to learn more about the library,” I said as levelly as I could. “I need to know what your current plans are, what resources you have access to, and what impact you’ve had on the outskirts.”

“Not gonna happen,” Gebura said immediately.

Myo scoffed. “You coulda learned all that if you made nice and stayed, dumbass.”

I sighed. “You know I’m not one for subterfuge. Fine, then.” I was tapping my own thigh now. “We’ll have to fight.” Gebura and Myo stiffened. “Oh, come off it. It’s not like this’ll be any harder for you this time. I just want to be able to say I gave my all.” Wait, that’s odd. Neither of them were actually looking at me. I was trying to stand for my principles, here! A little respect would be appreciated!

“I would have an easier time believing that if you weren’t sitting at a table with them,” a familiar voice behind me said.

I spun around and shot out of my chair faster than I think I’ve ever moved in my life. It was Nikolai. She was in full Fourth Pack regalia, and her wrist rested idly on the hilt of her shamshir. I tried to snap reflexively to attention, but she shoved me out of the way. “You’re mine,” she said at me, and then to the Myo still seated, “which would make you the renegade.”

Oh, wow, Myo looked profoundly uncomfortable. She was rescued from having to do or say anything, though: Gebura stepped into the space between Myo and Nikolai, with that ridiculous sinewy blade of hers drawn. Where did she store that thing?

“Kali,” Nikolai said, sliding her hand to the grip of her sword.

“Not my name,” Gebura said icily.

“She’s under your protection?”

“Afraid so.”

“And this one?” Nikolai asked, tilting her head toward me.

Gebura looked at me, but didn’t answer. She was letting me decide.

This was it, wasn’t it? My absolute last chance to renounce R Corp. Gebura could protect me. I knew she could, and I knew that I would never have to fear retribution as long as I stayed by her side. This was it.

I threw myself at Nikolai’s feet and grovelled. “Sir! I would never do myself the disservice of associating with these scumbags, Sir!”

“Oh, shut the fuck up,” Nikolai said, but she took her hand off her sword, and the atmosphere became very slightly less frigid. “I’m not here to fight. We only detoured this way to pick up a corpse to report to the Head and settle our ledgers. No such luck,” she said, looking at me disdainfully.

“Then you’ll be leaving now,” Gebura said, her sword still raised. It was a little gratifying to know she’d been comfortable enough around me to talk without her weapon drawn, even if it was because my clone had softened her up. Even if she just didn’t see me as a threat.

“Hmm,” Nikolai paused. “No. Let’s finish this business properly. Only one Myo allowed. Let one of them kill the other, and I can take the survivor back to the city.”

Gebura steadied her stance. “I just told you-”

“Wouldn’t involve you or me, Mist. Just Myo vs. Myo. They’ve been doing this for a long, long, time.”

“Not me. Not anymore,” said Myo, finding her nerve at last. “I’m not fighting anymore. This is-” Uh oh, she was losing it. Hang in there! “I’m formally tendering my resignation from R Corp. Never again.” Attagirl. Her entire existence was a giant thorn in my side, but this wasn’t the death games. I could root for her if I wanted.

Nikolai scoffed. “That’ll make this easy, then. Go for it,” she said, patting my back.

“No,” I said.

Nikolai glared at me. Oh god, this was bad. Pivot! “Sir! ‘No clones in the City’, right?” I stammered. “If she’s in the outskirts, she’s not our problem. We can leave her be. …Right? …Sir?”

“Jesus christ,” Nikolai said through gritted teeth. Her frustration was writ plain across her face, but that was still preferable to skewering me on the spot. “Do you know what kind of disaster you’re flirting with here? If the top brass caught a single whiff of what either of you are saying, your entire line would be retired on the spot. Do you understand?”

“Sir. I’m just saying it’s not necessary.” Now this was suicide. I really did want back into 4th Pack, but I wasn’t about to throw Myo to the wolves. I wouldn’t kill her. Never mind that I tried a few hours ago.

Nikolai glared at me. Glared at Myo. Looked at Gebura. Looked into the distance. Came to a decision. “Well. We’re both in the shit now. Don’t think I’ll be letting you have an easy time in the Pack after this. I hope you like cleaning toilets.”

“Sir,” I said simply, trying not to gape at her. Was she actually going to bat for me? We had developed something like a decent rapport over the years, but I never thought her opinion of me had evolved past the mildest professional respect. What she was doing now was, if not treason, then at least in the same ballpark. But it meant I would live.

“Get off your high horse,” she said, easily reading my emotions. “Fourth Pack’s short staffed as is, and the brass have decided to celebrate our return by throwing us at another dungeon. I need my officers.” She stepped back and fished an empty vial out of her jacket (slowly, to avoid further antagonizing Gebura). She threw the vial to Myo. “You two are thick as thieves now, aren’t you? Fill that with blood and I can prove you left the city. You get to live, mine gets to live. A happy ending fit for the outskirts.” She muttered that last line.

“I dunno,” Myo said. “She did try to shoot me. Hahaha!” she burst out laughing as my eyes widened. “Nah, I got you.” She procured a combat knife and flicked it across her palm, quickly filling the vial. She tossed it back to Nikolai, who caught it in her gloved hands and smoothly deposited it into a different jacket pocket.

“So be it,” Nikolai said. “I now pronounce you dead in the eyes of the City. You show your face in front of our walls ever again and you’ll wish we killed you now when we had the chance to do it clean.” She nodded to Gebura. “Always a pleasure, Kali.”

“Fuck you.” Gebura shot back, weapon still at the ready. Did she and Nikolai have history?

“Not on your life. Get your shit together, rabbit. We’re parked just around the bend.” With that, Nikolai sighed and strode from the plaza in front of the Library, evidently not concerned that Gebura might attack her while her back was turned.

Gebura only put her sword away (I was watching this time. It slithered straight up her arm onto her back) after Nikolai was fully out of view. She fetched my gear for me while I got my armor and helmet back on. “…Good luck,” she mumbled as she gave it back.

Nikolai was waiting, but I didn’t want to leave it at this. I still had one question left. “Uh, Myo. Got a sec?”

“Not a lot else going on,” She said, and stood up to approach. I pulled her into a private huddle. Gebura tensed, but didn’t bother rearming herself or intervening.

“So,” I whispered, nodding over toward Gebura. “What’s going on? Do you think you have a chance?”

“Ah.” She clicked her tongue. “I’m taking it slow. I don’t think she takes me seriously yet.”

“Anyone can see that much, genius.”

“Shut it. I’m working on it. She started inviting me to training a few days ago. That’s progress, right?”

“Yeah, actually. Not bad.” I fixed up the rest of my sheathes and holsters, and gave Myo a half-assed salute. “Good luck.”

“We both know you’re going to need it more.”

And I was off, after the most peaceful meeting I’d ever had with myself. Gebura was already getting another smoke out, while Myo waved enthusiastically after me like she didn’t have a care in the world. Fair play, since she officially didn’t.

I waved back.

DAY 11
LOG 0

I’m back on the open road, with (most of) Fourth Pack at my side. I half-assumed I’d be dead the instant I was out of Gebura’s sight, but it’s been a day and Nikolai hasn’t disposed of me yet. I can tell from the glint in her eye that she’s looking forward to extracting her pound of flesh from me, though. The next few missions are gonna suuuuuuck. Other than that, it’s like the Library never even happened to us. Maxim’s stupid jokes, Rudolph’s irritated threats, Nikolai’s stone silence… it’s all the same as ever, which is more comforting than I expected.

But it’s also comforting to know one of me managed to make it out. I still don’t get it, but if she’s happy I can at least be happy for her. Who knows, maybe I’ll have my own epiphany and escape the rat race some day? Hopefully without needing to die to learn my lesson like she did.

…Shit. I better remember to delete this log later.