Chapter Text
“So you agree that you’ll pay me money every month until you die for doing the generous favour of being your friend?” Han Sooyoung asks with her phone in her hand, still out from when she pulled it out to record.
“Mm, yeah sure,” Dokja answers her noncommittally, gaze still trained on the company’s cash-cow and golden child. His intense focus is comparable to when he finds an especially riveting novel. The device follows the line of sight to Yoo Joonghyuk and zooms in, before the video cuts off. Sooyoung shuts her phone off in satisfaction. Perfect material.
She snaps a finger in front of her pitiful friend's face to adequately gather his attention, before continuing.
“Tch, the least you could do when speaking to someone is pay attention,” truth be told her feelings are a little hurt, but why would she let him know that?
Dokja’s gaze is slightly apologetic when he replies, “Okay, sorry, sorry. What were you saying?”
“Well, let’s see,” Sooyoung narrows her eyes while tapping her laptop with her finger, “I don’t think I’ll say it again. You don’t get to know.”
He groans, “Oh, come on, just say it. I’m listening.” It wasn’t his fault Joonghyuk had walked into the office with a distressed aura, clearly upsetting the balance of the universe. Really, if anything Han Sooyoung should be more concerned.
If they didn't fix this truly terrible things may happen.
“Sure you are,” she sighs before continuing and changing the subject, “Why do you keep looking at Yoo Joonghyuk anyways?”
Then, before he can reply, “You’re like, more obsessed with him than usual, and that’s saying something.”
His answering yelp is indignant, “Hey! I’m not obsessed with him. And for your information, I’m staring at him because there’s something wrong with him.”
They both look back over to Yoo Joonghyuk, who is glaring at the office’s water cooler with intense rage, as if he had just witnessed it slaughter his entire family.
Han Sooyoung snorts, “Evidently.”
Dokja gives her a deadpan stare, “No, not the usual emo-goth aesthetic wrong. There’s something off about him; like he’s angrier than usual, I guess? Or frustrated?”
“That is an impressive character analysis, but considering he’s a real person and not a character why don’t you, get this, just go and ask him?”
He huffs, clearly anxious about the situation, yet unwilling to do anything about it. Typical.
“That would be intrusive.”
Her response is a drawn out groan and her head hanging back to hit the chair, “Aren’t you his only friend?”
Dokja’s forehead wrinkles, like he’s trying very hard to think of someone to refute her point, “I’m sure he has other friends.”
“Acquaintances maybe.”
“Okay, but still. What if we’re not that close?”
Sooyung very generously stops herself from smacking him and hums, considering, “Think what you want, but I’d say you’re the person he trusts most.”
Dokja doesn’t answer.
Sooyoung pats his back before getting up for a coffee break, offering a final word as she goes, “There’s not much harm in asking. Either you’re right or you’re wrong. Either he’ll tell you or he won’t.”
She has a point.
Dokja spends much of the day trying to find a way to approach Joonghyuk to ask him about whatever the hell was wrong with him. He makes almost no progress and now, with only one hour left before the work day ends and no plans with Joonghyuk to meet after, he's panicking slightly.
The thing about Joonghyuk is, he’s kind of like a hissy cat; you can’t get too comfortable too quickly or he’ll retreat about 10 feet and take a lot of time to warm up again. So, he needs to approach him carefully so not as to set off any alarms.
Or so Dokja thinks, he’s never had a cat before, so he can’t say for sure how they act. But he reckons Joonghyuk definitely acts like one. Maybe a chihuahua? Something angry.
He physically shakes his head, trying to get rid of the distracting thought and returns to the code on his screen. The words and symbols start blending together and his head pounds slightly, scattering any focus he was in the process of gathering. So much for a productive day at work, he can’t focus at all. When Dokja glances over at Sooyoung he finds her very invested in her character developing, fingers flying on the keyboard. Tch. Pesky geniuses.
Just when he thinks his mind is about to go numb and glaze over, Dokja’s stomach rumbles loudly, not having received any sustenance since the night before. He quickly looks around the office before relaxing. Everyone working either didn’t hear, or does not care.
And then his eyes land on Joonghyuk, who is staring at him. He looks unimpressed. Dokja sweats slightly, wondering if he had done anything in the past day to offend him. Could the reason Joonghyuk was acting odd and irritable (more than usual) be him? It wouldn't be so out of left field.
Joonghyuk still has not broken eye contact. Dokja slowly, mechanically, turns his head to focus back on the screen. These bugs wouldn’t fix themselves. Oh, if only they did. Or perhaps not, Dokja would be out of a job... out of part of a job? He manages to focus enough through the throb at the base of his skull and the clenching of stomach to make a little progress. Key word being little.
By the time there’s movement behind the chair, Dokja has all but forgotten about the frigid stare he was on the receiving end of mere moments earlier. His immersion is broken by an object being set forcefully on his desk.
The enticing aroma leaking out from the presumed lunchbox only serves to worsen Dokja’s hunger. The beast in his stomach is reawoken and grumbles with a renewed vengeance. Everybody definitely heard that one. Dokja’s cheeks burn in shame.
It’s okay, he wasn’t here. He wasn’t experiencing the embarrassment.
His (futile) chants to calm himself are interrupted by a hand gripping his shoulder and Yoo Joonghyuk’s voice.
“Eat.”
“Huh?” the word slips out before Dokja can stop himself, confusion made audible. He spins his chair in its spot slightly to face the man.
“I said, eat. Everyone in the office can hear your stomach.”
Well he didn’t have to put it like that.
But still, “What about you?”
The stare he receives gives off the impression that Joonghyuk has lost all faith in Dokja, which is surprising because it would imply he still had any after four years of being his friend.
“Dokja, I had my break and lunch already, when everyone else also ate.”
The ‘you fool’ is unsaid, but at the same time very audible. A normal man may have cried receiving such treatment from the person of their affections, but Kim Dokja was no normal man. He trekked forward valiantly.
“Oh, really? But then why do you have an extra?” Joonghyuk hates wasting food, so he never makes an excess amount. Dokja doesn’t want to get his hopes up, but this box almost certainly had to be made on purpose, and if it was, was it intended for him?
“It’s not an extra. I had made it for someone, but I didn’t get to see them.”
It certainly didn’t sound like an excuse, in fact this makes more sense, because he was giving it to Dokja so he wouldn’t waste food. He tries to ignore the stab of disappointment in his chest, replying instead.
“Oh. Well, thank you. I’ll eat this when I get home.”
Wrong answer? If anything Joonghyuk looks angrier now than he has the whole day.
“No, eat now.”
Dokja chooses this moment to grumble slightly, whining a response, “But what am I supposed to eat for dinner, then? You know your cooking is the best.”
His heart speeds up as he utters the compliment, trying to act cool. Very smooth, Dokja.
Joonghyuk stares at him for a moment, with a quiet gaze. Another minute of silence passes between the two of them.
“Come to my house at 7, I’ll cook for you then,” it was already enough to almost give Dokja a heart attack, but then he continues speaking, “I won’t always cook for you, start taking more care of yourself.”
And then he quietly takes his leave with assured footsteps, as if he hadn’t just caused Dokja to very nearly combust.
Han Sooyoung snickers at Dokja’s flushed expression– the man at the office who quietly did his work, read novels on his break and never interacted with his co-workers otherwise– losing his cool. It was hilarious.
“Oh, but, but what if my sweetheart isn’t as close to me as I am to him? He only takes care of me and makes sure I don’t pass out from exhaustion,” she mocks in an obnoxious, coquettish tone.
Dokja rolls his eyes, “I didn’t say it like that. And I would appreciate some support from you in these trying times. I am on the verge of losing my shit.”
“Oh, poor Dokja, he has to deal with those terrifying, terrifying, feelings. How will he ever survive,” and then in a more serious tone, apparently done with bullying, “isn’t this good for you, though?”
“It very much is not. I am not looking forward to over-thinking every interaction and sweating while speaking. Even if the food is good. I would much prefer making moves in the form of one masked compliment a day."
She sighs, terribly exasperated, “Not that, you can ask him why he’s acting weird.”
“Oh. Right. I hadn’t thought about that.”
“Of course you hadn’t.”
Sometimes she wonders what Dokja had received in place of his apparent lack of any sense, common or not.
He hums, not minding the insult in favour of considering how he would confront Joonghyuk on his behaviour.
Dokja arrives 20 minutes later than Joonghyuk invited him. You know, to be fashionably late and not appear like he was desperate for more time with the man. He was, but no one other than him and, unfortunately, Han Sooyoung needed to know.
He had started getting ready half an hour before 7 even though he usually took 10 minutes to get dressed for the express purpose of looking presentable. It didn’t help, because he ended up taking extra time anyways. And in the end his outfit wasn’t even very impressive. At least he was clean and smelled nice. Joonghyuk would probably like that in a potential partner.
Joonghyuk’s greeting when he brings him in is curt and to the point, as per usual for him. It seems that he had already started cooking because he made his way to the kitchen immediately after letting him in. Dokja knows it’s stupid, but he still can’t help be a bit disappointed that his effort wasn’t even noticed, let alone recognized.
Still, they were just friends and guys who were friends didn’t usually compliment each other like that. Of course not, they didn’t notice. Dokja had to take what he could get, which was Joonghyuk even inviting him to his house. He was getting a 5 star meal, free of charge.
So Dokja swallows his feelings and instead takes off his shoes and coat, and makes his way to the kitchen as well.
“Sooo, what’s on the menu for today?” he says, while leaning on the counter and observing Joonghyuk stir a pot.
He turns to look at Dokja and says, “Get your arm off of the counter, that’s unsanitary,” before returning to the mystery dish.
He duly does as asked, and instead reattempts to strike up a conversation, “Come on, it better be something tasty. It isn’t every day that I get a professional personal chef.”
Joonghyuk grunts while working and when he moves for an ingredient stored in the side of the counter, needing to navigate around Dokja, scowls. God he's so gone if being treated as a nuisance didn't infuriate Dokja and merely dimmed his happiness.
“Stew, now go sit and wait at the table.”
Well, wasn’t that a freezing cold reception. It’s okay, Dokja has known about Joonghyuk’s social ineptitude since they became friends. He knows he’s not much better himself, but he definitely at least knows how to act like he likes people, which makes a big difference.
In actuality, Joonghyuk most likely was on edge from whatever, the reason Dokja even ended up showing up, regardless of any nerves.
Dokja sits at the table, pulling out his phone and opening his chat history with Han Sooyoung. He’s unaware of the expectant gaze that is placed on him for a few minutes before eventually returning to their original task of cooking.
Han Sooyoung is, as per usual, a huge menace.
local asshole
[hi]
[what do you want]
[since when do i have to want something to text you]
[since ya started conversations with hi]
[touche..]
[i need to pretend like im doing something and i have friends]
[LOL rnt you at joonghyuks house]
[yes and]
[im not helping you just speak to him]
[sooyoung]
[soootugngng]
[SOOOOOYOAUNDS]
[han sooyoung]
[i will name you the sole beneficiary in my will if you reply]
[that’s not worth anything]
[and im your only friend there’s no one else you can name]
[umm.. yoo sangah?? Jung heewon. lee hyunsung]
[lee gilyoung shin yoosung lee seolhwa]
[the fact that you can name all of your friends is sad]
[because i like the ppl who are my friends??]
[if you can’t name them ur not friends]
[also]
[two of those are children]
[and one used to be your doctor]
[so]
[. . ]
[she SAID shes my friend]
[Okay freak]
[i will not debate you on this were literally friends i have her number and everything]
[you know what]
[youre just jealous that im friends with a pretty woman]
[youre friends with me]
[.]
[next question]
[I will block you and snap your thin wrists like sticks]
[noted]
[back to the real problem]
[oh wait nevermind keep speaking it solves my problem]
[like i said]
[just speak to him]
[i tried and he kicked me out of the kitchen]
[he doesnt want to talk to me lol i just need to look occupied so i dont get massively embarrassed]
[? how does that mean he doesnt want to speak to you]
[???? he kicked me out]
[yeah. he doesnt like ppl in his kitchen]
[that doesnt mean you cant speak to him]
[i literally am not comprehending]
[if im right buy me food kk thanks]
[youre literally rich]
[non sequitor]
[thats not how that works]
[im literally a writer, i think i would know.]
Han Sooyoung can be annoying at times, but she is his best friend for a reason. Their humour meshes well, so he lets out a quiet huff of laughter.
“What is it,” Joonghyuk asks as he brings in the dish of food along with cutlery and plates for them (how was he holding so much?)
Dokja shuts his phone off and places it in his pocket, “Oh nothing, just something funny my friend said.”
He expects the conversation to flow normally after that, as with their normal banter, but he can’t help but notice the atmosphere is slightly chilly.
“You should stop going on your phone so much,” Joonghyuk comments instead of acknowledging what Dokja said.
“Huh? What, why?”
“It’s bad for your eyesight and health,” his expression sours, “and it’s impolite dinner etiquette.”
Was he mad that Dokja went on his phone?
He lets out an awkward chuckle, “As if you care about manners. What was I supposed to do anyways, stare at your furniture?”
Joonghyuk’s gaze is slightly confused, uncomprehending, “You stopped speaking on me to go on your phone.”
“Well, yeah, you kicked me out of the kitchen.”
He can’t tell if Joonghyuk is particularly short because of the unknown matter that is weighing on his mind, or if he finds what Dokja is saying incredibly annoying.
“Because I needed my space to cook, that didn’t mean you had to stop. That much should be obvious.”
Dokja can’t help but feel that his own attitude of letting things slide and finding Joonghyuk’s attitude endearing is partly to blame, but Joonghyuk is being overly harsh right now, as if he thinks Dokja will just apologize and take it. And then want to speak to him.
Well, tough luck, because the headache in his skull has yet to disappear even after taking medicine to make their hangout as smooth as possible.
So Dokja responds gruffly, “I don’t think it was. You’re not exactly easy to talk to.”
Joonghyuk’s eyebrows raise, “Sorry?”
“I keep speaking, and you barely reply. I’m sorry if I can’t carry a conversation with someone who doesn’t even want to speak to me.”
The words spill out, Dokja is mortified that this is the way their dinner is going. The food is quickly cooling down and his original purpose of comforting Joonghyuk has since been abandoned. He feels his eyes sting slightly and immediately cools his expression, there was no way he would cry right now. It didn’t even make sense.
Joonghyuk, for his part, looks slightly shaken up. His eyes are wide.
Dokja wishes he could rewind time five minutes and not say anything, but he can’t, so he just stares at Joonghyuk with a burning face.
Finally, he receives a response, “I’m... Sorry. I’ve been having a bad day and it translated. Although in general, I prefer listening better.”
“Mm, really?” somehow, Dokja isn’t convinced; that’s what people always say when they aren’t interested in holding a conversation.
“Yes, I listen to you speak about your novels and the work Han Myungoh keeps giving you.”
Dokja squints, “And if I asked you to prove it?”
“I could.”
“Then be my guest.”
“Okay,” Joonghyuk starts, with the focus he had dedicated to competing when he was still a pro-gamer, “the last novel you read was a complete let down because the protagonist almost never utilized his skill to their full ability. Also, he was unbearable to the female lead and didn’t deserve her.”
Kim Dokja is silent, “Go on, surely that isn’t all you can remember?”
Joonghyuk’s eyes are bright, as if to say ‘Bring it on.’ Never challenge someone who wins for a living, or did in the past.
“Myungoh has been assigning you bugs that no one else in the office has been able to fix and chastising you if you can’t. A few weeks ago, you spent all of our hangouts speaking about a novel where the main character transmigrates into the villain’s body, but the villain was still occupying it when they did. And the villain was the main love interest.”
Dokja flushes, slightly embarrassed, “Do I really talk about myself that much?”
“I told you I like listening,” Joonghyuk’s gaze is heavy and genuine, the weight settling around Dokja in a comforting manner, like the weighted blankets you use to fall asleep.
He’s a bit frustrated, though, “Yes, but I don’t like that. At least not fully. You rarely talk about yourself, but we’re friends aren’t we?”
“Yes, of course.”
Bitterly, Dokja thinks, ‘just friends’.
He leans back into the rest behind him, slouching slightly, “Even today I’ve been meaning to ask you a question, but you’re so closed off.”
“Then ask.”
Oh, this was a nice opportunity.
“Do you promise to answer if I do?” His eyes are alight with mischief.
“Sure, if I can.” Joonghyuk can sense Dokja is up to something, but he has no idea what it could possibly be. Still, after knowing him for several years, he’s certain it isn’t anything malicious and opts for speaking with caution rather than outright denying him.
It's his way of apology.
"All of today, you've been anxious, or otherwise disturbed. Is everything alright."
Joonghyuk's expression goes slightly stony, did he really have to ask about this ? It was something he had wanted to ruminate over by himself for a while before speaking to anyone (namely, Dokja who indeed was one of his only trusted friends) for advice. He hadn't thought the unrest was so obvious, but Dokja must be really observant.
"... Another question, please."
"Oh, come on. I didn't think you were the type to back out of promises, Joonghyuk-ah."
"I said if I could. I can't reasonably answer that right now."
And then, to avoid confrontation because even Joonghyuk could be a coward at times, he gets up to reheat the food that has become lukewarm.
"Oi, don't think I don't know what you're doing. I expect an answer when you finish, you sly bastard."
He doesn't receive a response. At least Dokja knows he wasn't imagining things and there was indeed something bothering his friend. He ought to bully Sooyoung into giving him money... then he remembered that he also owed her because Joonghyuk actually had expected him to speak after being sent to the table.
Although, now he was slightly self-conscious. Would Joonghyuk find it weird that he noticed? Would he suspect anything? Dokja hoped not, had good faith he wouldn't due to what was preoccupying his mind.
Thankfully, as Joonghyuk sits down, the food once again warm, he doesn’t say anything. The silence is stifling however, and Dokja itches to break it.
Finally, Joonghyuk speaks, “There is something bothering me. It is because I can’t make a choice on a matter one way or the other.”
Dokja hums, “If it’s a big decision, whether you're deciding on whether to do something or merely figuring out a problem, you need to consider it carefully.”
“That’s why I’m having a problem,” the response he receives is a bit of a grumble, Joonghyuk’s low voice washing over him like a wave.
The programmer roots around his pockets at that, pulling out a coin, “Have you heard of this?”
Joonghyuk looks confused still, not yet catching on to what Dokja wanted to do.
He clears his throat, “I’ve heard that if you have a choice you’re not sure of, you should flip a coin on it, one side for each option.”
“Isn’t that arbitrary? I don’t want to leave something this monumental to something as fickle as chance.”
Dokja exhales sharply, almost snorting, “Of course you wouldn’t. That’s not the point, anyways. The idea is actually that you’ll make the choice on the way down because you will be wishing for the coin to land a certain way.”
Joonghyuk is silent for a bit, before he takes the coin from Dokja’s hands, where he’s been rolling it over his fingers (a cheap parlour trick his mother had taught him when he was young) and stares at it in his palm.
He tosses the coin. Then he tosses it again. And again, and again, and again. Dokja reckons they might be somewhere near the fiftieth toss when he speaks up.
“Are you unable to make a decision?”
Joonghyuk’s voice comes out low, “No, I was just making sure. I will tell you.”
Dokja stutters a bit, “Oh, no that’s okay, you don’t have to.”
“I want to. You will be the first and only person I tell.”
That is very pleasant actually, it feels as if he’s telling Dokja that he can trust him the most, so Dokja is almost completely unaware before Joonghyuk drops the information, shocking him.
“There’s someone I like."
When Dokja just stares at him, stare blank and breath hitched, Joonghyuk adds, "Romantically."
Dokja’s heartbeat speeds up. He considers Joonghyuk’s behaviour the whole day. The awkwardness around him, the irritation when Dokja didn't make conversation with him, the extra lunchbox he had brought.
‘Could it be...?’
“Yeah? Who is it?”
“Her name is Lee Seolhwa.”
He feels like a fool.