Work Text:
First snow
Sang Zhi is under the covers, showered and comfortable, yet sleep evades her. Their pre-wedding party had come to an end some time ago. Her friends had whisked her away for the night, with the plans of pampering the bride come morning. Her stomach leaps with excitement at the thought that she’ll be getting married in only a matter of hours.
But strangely enough, it’s not the excitement of her wedding that keeps her up now. It’s the thought of her groom that makes her worry. For the sake of propriety, Jiaxu was not staying at the same hotel as her. Still, it was only a five-minute drive, but it’s enough distance to leave her feeling slightly uneasy. She twists and turns and tries to talk herself out of it.
She glances around the room and is blessed to see her friends fast asleep. Grabbing a pen and paper, she scribbles them a quick note. She doesn’t intend to stay out too late but she rather not altogether disappear on them.
Sang Zhi is out the door and into the waiting taxi in no less than ten minutes. She’s had the same repetitive thought now and all it serves to do is make her sad. Because while her family have been in fully attendance tonight and all the days leading up to their wedding, Jiaxu has only had by his side, her and Sang Yan.
She’s asked Jiaxu about the family he wanted to invite to their wedding and his answer broke her heart.
“I … don’t have anyone to invite,” he told her. Sang Zhi noticed that he had looked a little embarrassed by that. “You’re my family, Zhizhi.”
She had held him close that night. They had not spoken further on that for a while until she asked again, if there was no one he wanted to invite. In the end, Jiaxu settled for a few far lost distant relatives but he had made it a point to tell her that everyone he wanted at his wedding had already been invited.
Sang Zhi thinks about her parents on the drive over to Jiaxu’s hotel. Their excitement and happiness has made every moment more memorable. Her heart aches, knowing that Jiaxu is without his parents today of all days. She can’t imagine not having her mǔqīn and fùqīn with her. Ever since they bid each other goodnight, she’s worried about him going back to his hotel room alone. She knows he must be thinking of his mother today. They had flown back to Yihe two weeks ago, and left flowers at her grave. Jiaxu had been a little more morose on their way back, but she understood why.
In the elevator, she pulls out her phone and calls his number. He answers on the second ring.
“Wéi,” comes his soft answer.
She hears it immediately in his voice. The soft heartbreak he’s been holding on to all night. She knows then that she’s made the right choice coming to him tonight.
“Wéi, Jiaxu,” she replies. She looks up and sees the elevator almost glacially climbing to his floor.
“Why aren’t you sleeping, Sang Zhi?”
“I couldn’t sleep,” she tells him.
“Why not?”
She pauses for a beat, “Because you’re sad.”
He chuckles softly, like he wants to laugh it off. But they both know she’s right. “I’m not,” he tells her nonetheless.
“Jiaxu.”
She hears him exhale into the phone, picturing him hunched over, alone in his hotel room. She silently urges the elevator to go faster.
“Jiaxu,” she gently urges him, “it’s okay.”
“I don’t want to be sad on our wedding day, Sang Zhi,” he admits. “I didn’t think it would hurt this much to not have them here. It’s been years now but …”
"They’re still your parents. You’re allowed to miss them as much as you want, whenever you want,” she tells him.
“I know.” His answer is still too quiet for her liking. “It’s just today of all days, I’m feeling … it a little more.”
He doesn’t need to clarify what the ‘it’ is. It is the absence of parents; it is a lifetime of loneliness that has only just been cured. It is the part of a family that he will never get back.
Jiaxu doesn’t get melancholy often and she knows their wedding has brought forth some of the things he didn’t even know he missed. But she wants to remind him, that despite it all, he is not alone. There will always be a family waiting for him on the other side and together they will honour, and miss and remember his parents.
Duan Jiaxu is not without his family.
“Didn’t I tell promise your māmā that you would not be alone anymore?” She asks him. Finally, the elevator climbs to his floor and it dings softly. She all but runs out, looking for his room. “Jiaxu?”
“You did,” he answers slowly.
“Are you not my family, Duan Jiaxu?”
She hears the stocky intake of breath and knows he’s fighting back his tears now. “I am.”
“We’ll miss them together. You’re not alone, Jiaxu,” she tells him. Holding the phone, a little tighter, she whispers, “It’s okay.”
She’s standing before his door now and gives him a moment before she knocks. “It’s okay, Jiaxu,” she repeats as she knocks once more.
She can hear the rustle of his clothes as he gets up. “One minute,” he says. “Someone is at the door.”
Sang Zhi’s still got the phone to her ear, when he opens the door. His eyes are slightly red, his cheeks tinged with just the barest hue of pink.
“Sang Zhi,” Jiaxu breathes out in surprise. Absently he cuts the call. “What are you doing here?” he asks as he leans out to look up and down the corridor.
Before she can reply, he pulls her into the room. She kicks off her shoes as he guides her through the hotel room towards the couch.
“Sang Zhi, what are you doing here so late? Did you come alone?” he asks worriedly.
She smiles, reaching for him. He pauses and looks down at her. Sang Zhi’s fingers brush against his cheek and she can feel the dampness there. He doesn’t move away and she takes that as a good sign.
“I told you. I couldn’t sleep. Not when I know you’re sad … and in pain.”
“It’s not painful, really.” He tries to dissuade.
“You’re missing your parents, Jiaxu. Anybody would feel the pain of their absence.”
She is desperate that he understands this. So, she guides him to the couch, making him sit as she kneels before him. Her hands go to his face once more and this time, he closes his eyes, leaning into her touch.
“No matter what, you’re not alone, Jiaxu. You have people that love you,” she tells him. “And your parents – your māmā and bàba will always be with us.”
He pulls her closer, burying his face into the crook of her neck and she does nothing but hold him tighter.
“Xièxiè Sang Zhi,” he finally says. He pulls back a little so he can look at her. Brushing aside some of her hair, he grasps her face in his warm hands, “for coming to me tonight. For knowing what I wanted even before I realised it myself.” His thumbs swipe across her cheeks as he speaks, “Xièxiè for making me a better man.” He tips her chin up, their lips the barest distance apart, “Xièxiè for loving me more than I deserve.”
He steals whatever reply she might have with a soft kiss. He pulls her up and onto the couch beside him. He wraps his arm around her, tugging her closer and for the moment, they both sit quietly, watching the night sky. It’s a beautiful scene, she sees through the floor to ceiling window that his hotel room has. But it’s not the night sky she’s focused on, it’s their reflection in the glass. Huddled together on the couch, she can barely tell where he starts and she ends.
“You know if you had been just a few minutes earlier, you’d have run into Sang Yan,” Jiaxu tells her.
Sang Zhi smiles. She loves that her brother was there. That he probably guessed as much as she did that Jiaxu would be a little lonely tonight.
“I’m just surprised he actually left. You know he’s been having difficulty lately, sharing you,” she quips and Jiaxu laughs.
“He’s going to have to get used to it.”
“Hmm.”
She closes her eyes and she knows she’s never felt more at peace than in this moment. Jiaxu is gently playing with the ends of her hair. She can hear the gently rhythmic beat of his heart beneath her ear and if she’s not careful, it will be enough to lull her to sleep.
“Zhizhi,” he finally says breaking the silence.
She looks up at him, but he’s looking out the window.
“It’s snowing.”
She sits up immediately, looking excitedly out the window. She can see it too now.
The first snowfall.
She had been warned by a few people that having a wedding so close to winter would mean weather not ideally suited for a wedding, but the first snowfall had always been special to them. But she never actually thought she’d get the first snowfall on the eve of her wedding. It was almost too perfect.
Without realising it, she’s standing before the window, watching the snowfall. She feels Jiaxu behind her as he wraps his arms around her, tugging her back so he can rest his chin on her shoulder.
“I remember our first snowfall,” he tells her. “I was already in love with you and didn’t even know it.” Sang Zhi smiles as he continues speaking. “I am grateful for many things, but that first snowfall … that’s something special.”
“It was.” She agrees. Looking at their reflection in the window, she catches his eye, “Want to make a wish? All wishes made on the first snowfall come true.”
Unexpectedly, he frowns a little, “I don’t know what more I could wish for. I have everything right here.”
There’s a warmth rushing up her cheeks but she insists. “One wish Jiaxu.”
“Fine. One wish.” Without moving away from her, he brings his hands together at her front, like a prayer and closes his eyes. She watches him, still in the reflection and she’s tempted to ask what he wishes for.
She knows what she wants.
Him. Them. Together, healthy and happy for all the years to come.
So, she closes her eyes and places her hands over his as she makes her wish. When she opens her eyes again, he’s already looking at her. Intently, and with deep seeded desire. She knows that look, feels it to the very depths of her bones and it always sets her alight.
“What did you wish for?” he asks. He turns over their hands, intertwining their fingers.
“I can’t tell you that, it won’t come true,” she teases. He pouts slightly and she chuckles. “What did you wish for?”
“You,” he whispers as he kisses her cheek.
“You didn’t have to wish for that. You already have me.”
He places another kiss to her cheek but he doesn’t move away. His lips move slowly down and Sang Zhi moves to give him a little more room.
“I wished for you to be happy, always,” he murmurs against her flushed skin.
“That won’t be too hard, not if you’re with me,” Sang Zhi says. “Right?”
“Right.” He shifts her a little so he can look at her more clearly.
She knows what he’s going to say, but she needs him to hear it first.
“Wǒ ài nǐ, Jiaxu,” Sang Zhi says. It’s a soft declaration but it echoes beautifully in the quiet of their hotel room. “From our first snowfall to our last, I will always love you.”
He grasps her face gently in his hands, pushing back her hair as he leans in closer.
“Wǒ ài nǐ, Zhizhi.”
He doesn’t let her say anything more, gently tipping her chin up so he can kiss her. It’s a soft kiss but when his fingers find purchase in her hair, as he pulls her closer with his other hand, it sets her heart racing. She pushes up against him a little more urgently.
She’s breathless when they pull apart. Her fingers have twisted the fabric of his sweatshirt and she’s not ready to let go.
His fingers are caressing her cheeks and she leans into his touch. Looking up, to meet his eyes, she’s fallen in love all over again.
There’s a small mischievous little smile that is playing on his lips and she can’t help the breathy little chuckle that escapes her. He teasingly raises a brow and she loops her arms around his neck.
“I can’t stay,” she murmurs as he kisses down her neck once more.
“Hhmm,” comes his response.
She loses all coherent thought when he hoists her up. Instinctively, she wraps her legs around his waist. He holds her against him as if she weighs nothing. She giggles when he walks them into the bedroom and there is no argument to heard from either of them then. She impatiently tugs at his shirt and he drops her onto the bed, quickly pulling it off himself. Sang Zhi is all breathy little moans when Jiaxu comes back down to kiss her.
It’s the first snowfall with her first love on her final night before she becomes his wife. Sang Zhi could not have asked for a more perfect end.