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Drew has never been considered nice. Far from it really, and he knows it himself. Arrogance, egoistical, selfishness defines him. Sure, he doesn’t take pride in it, but he doesn’t bother to hide it either. After all, he had been taught since young to never show his weaknesses. If he had any at all. (He has played the “self-absorbing bully” in other people’s life for years, so much so that he manages to delude himself into thinking he was actually superior.)
After all, money was life in this society, what does Drew have to lose? Being the son of a multimillionaire. At least, that was what his father taught him, before he had left for his business trip to god knows where. It was an attempt at comforting the 5-year-old child that he was going to be fine on his own, with the money that his father will mail him every week.
It didn’t work. The house felt lonely as ever. Drew listens to the chattering of the neighbours next door. He blocks it out. He hates it. Why was he the only one who doesn’t deserve love?
He learns to be assertive and controlling, to make sure nothing will slip through his fingertips again. Especially the people he loved. (Even though he will never admit to loving them. Especially his parents.)
He learns to be arrogant and egotistical, to hide his iced heart, which he believed was undeserving of love. He doesn’t need that cheesy feeling anyway. He hates it.
So when Zoey confesses to him, he accepts it. Not out of his desire for love. Absolutely not. (He ignores the fact that she only likes his money, not him.)
-
Jake has always been considered the nicest guy in high school. Girls falling for him left and right. Charming, considerate, kind, always carrying the brightest smile, even after being bullied and outcasted. He doesn’t take pride in it either, not because of the same reason as Drew, but because he doesn’t believe in this praise himself. He was humble, like no other. The purest of heart, who just wants the best for everyone.
Drew hates people like that. Nice kids are nerds. He knows that. Most of all, he knows that they are who he wants to be, if he had the courage to be that weak. Especially the music club members, who willingly stand on stage to embarrass themselves. He wishes he could have the same courage. That doesn’t change the fact that he hates them though, going out of his way to bully them.
So why does he find himself extending a hand to Jake?
Jake’s bullies retreated at the sight of Drew’s glare.
Jake takes his hand.
And Jake smiles, the brightest smile Drew has ever seen.
Drew, the notorious school bully, still isn’t sure why he extended his hand for Jake, the victim of bullying. But he doesn’t regret it.
-
Jake slowly morphed into part of Drew’s friend group. Being invited to their game nights, part of their group parties, and an integral part of Drew.
Their shared glances, common humour, fun experiences was the best time Drew has ever had. Drew had less time to hate on others now that he himself is experiencing the love he longed for ever since he was a child. Something about Jake made him want to become a better person.
His head hurts, but not as much as his heart. He keeps these thoughts to himself.
Something about the way Jake looked at him made Drew feel uneasy. No, sick. He was sure it was a stomachache. Or the flu. He needs to get it checked soon. (He doesn’t. Even if he was sick, he liked this… feeling. He would rather stay sick, by Jake’s side, to continue feeling this warmth.)
Slowly, the iced heart caged in his ribs began to melt.
He wanted to scream at Jake, for him to run away before Drew did anything to hurt him. Drew knows that it would be likely, and he doesn’t want it to happen.
Somehow, being controlling and assertive gave him the feeling of control, but he still ends up losing the people he loves anyway. He doesn’t want that to happen to Jake. Not that he cares for Jake or anything, he would rather die than feel those feelings, much less enjoy them. (He would rather die than love Jake. He buries this thought along with the blissful and ignorant self he was at 5-year-old, before his father left him.)
-
Drew knew it would happen.
He watches Jake join the music club. Joining them during break time for rehearsals. After school, for more practice.
He felt like a 5-year old child again, begging his father not to leave.
It was Jake’s choice after all, whether to be a part of the music club or Drew’s friend group. Why was Drew so affected by it? He was determined to ignore this feeling.
Drew would never want to befriend the music club members, still too egotistical to be their friend. What are people going to say when they see him running back to his victims, apologising?
Drew has been known for being self-absorbing, but he was not oblivious.
He notices the way that Jake looks at Hailey. Painfully reminiscing of the time when he used to be the receiver of that look. The lingered gaze on the turquoise-haired girl. The indifference towards anything other than her. And Drew knows that he would never be her.
After all, Drew was an arrogant bully and Jake was the popular student. What made him think that Jake could ever love him, even if he wanted to? It was not like he gave Jake anything to like, anyway.
-
Jake defends Hailey, putting himself against Drew explicitly. And Drew feels something break in his chest.
Oh.
Oh.
Drew finally realises why he extended his hand out to the golden blonde in the first place. A bit too late to regret anything now. He doesn’t acknowledge it, not yet. It was easier to walk away. So that was what he did.
He walks away, like Jake never mattered to him.
Pretending Jake’s smile did not save him.
Because Drew is a heartless bully. He does not feel. Not in this life.