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"I'm just… I'm just so tired, Luke. I'm tired of being alone." They were talking about Tyler Green again. He was the only one she could trust to talk to her about this completely void of judgement.
Luke sighed. "You need to decide if he makes you happy or if he just makes you feel good. If he just makes you feel good, then that's fine, but you can't risk your job and the case over it. But if he actually makes you happy, I will fight for you to be able to be with him."
Penelope stared at him, stunned. "…why?"
"Hm?"
"Why?" Penelope repeated. "Why would you fight for that? Why do you care if I end up with him?" This was the first time she'd received anything akin to encouragement from him or anyone about pursuing something with Tyler.
"Because I care about you." He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Again, why?"
Luke was taken aback. "Why do I care about you?"
She nodded. "Yes, why? I have treated you in ways you don't deserve practically the entire time I've known you. I don't deserve your care."
He squinted his eyes at her. "You don’t deserve my care? Or you think you don’t deserve any care?"
She didn't meet his eyes. "I said what I said."
Luke crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. "So, what, you think you don’t deserve to be treated right by the people in your life?"
Penelope blushed and ducked her head, unable to even face him.
To his immense delight, Luke had finally become the person she went to when she was crying. She had opened up to him about everything in her past. He knew about everything that had happened to her. He also knew how it had affected her. "What is it, Penelope, you think you don’t deserve to be happy because of your past?"
She didn't say anything.
"Look, if happy is him, then I’m happy for you. You deserve to be happy."
That's what made her snap. "STOP IT! Just, just stop being you! Stop being so fucking nice!"
"No!" Luke shouted back. "I won't stop being nice to you! I happen to be nice to the people I care about and I fucking love you!"
Penelope was momentarily stunned into silence. "…you what?"
Luke desperately tried to recover. "I. I care about you."
"That's not what you said."
"It's what I meant."
"Is it?"
He just stared at her, hoping she'd let it go.
She didn't. "You. You said you love me."
"Forget it."
"Luke, did you mean it?"
He almost laughed. "It literally doesn't matter anymore. The ship has clearly sailed, if the ship was even there to begin with. I'm learning to live with that. Now answer the question."
"What question?"
"Does he make you happy or does he just make you feel good?"
Penelope shook her head, helpless. "I… I don't know how to answer that, Luke."
"Really?" He challenged. "Or are you just unhappy with the answer?"
"I'll tell you the truth if you tell me the truth. Do. You. Love. Me?"
"Why. Does. It. Matter?"
"Just tell me," she pleaded.
His resolve could only hold so long. "I don't just love you, Penelope, I am in love with you. My big stupid heart doesn't know how to quit you."
Tears in her eyes, Penelope said, "He doesn't make me happy. I've given up on being fucking happy."
"Why?" Why would she deprive herself of happiness?
"Because I–"
"If you say 'because I don't deserve to be,' I swear to you, Penelope, I will scream, because you do."
Her face hardened. "Because of fucking YOU! Because my big stupid heart doesn't know how to quit you! Because even if I said there was nothing there that doesn't mean I meant it! I've gotten pretty damn good at lying to the both of us the last seven years."
Luke was stunned. "But…."
She cut him off. "Shut up, I’m not done. I’ve pushed you away for so fucking long I didn’t even know you still had the ability to come back. I did everything I could to destroy your idea of me, this vision of me that you have."
"Why?" Luke asked, voice broken and desperate.
"Because I am bad and I am broken and I am not enough for you. You are so amazing, Luke, you don't deserve me."
"Don't I get to decide that?"
"How could you want me?"
"How could I not?"
She looked up at him, and he was still looking at her the same way he always did. Even then, though things were complicated and they were genuinely fighting for the first time in… ever, he was still looking at her like he loved her. Her voice was quiet when she spoke again. "What if you’re wrong about me?"
"What if I’m right? Isn't that worth finding out? I… I've been here for seven years, Penelope. I've loved you for seven years."
"Seven? Really?" Her eyes were watering.
"Yes."
"The whole time?"
"The whole time," he promised. Vowed.
Penelope took a deep breath. "I love you, Luke Alvez. You’re everything good in this world. Spending time with you, being around you… you make me unbelievably happy."
Luke was silent, waiting for a "but" to follow. But it didn’t. It was a full sentence. "What, there's no catch?"
"Should there be?" She asked him.
He shrugged. "I'm use to there being one."
"I never liked him. Tyler, he was just a means to distract me, I guess. He didn’t make me happy and he barely made me feel good. Because deep down, who I wanted was you."
"Then why him?"
"Because in some weird, twisted way, he reminded me of you."
Luke laughed dryly. "That’s probably the most hurtful thing you’ve ever said to me. And that's kind of saying something."
"I mean, he’s not you," Penelope tried to explain. "There is no one like you. I never even knew men could come in that shade of green flag… until I met you. It was… easier, I guess? To be with him than just admit how I felt about you. You have similar backstories, you treated me in similar ways near the beginning, if you squint really hard you kind of look alike. I could pretend."
"If you felt this way, why did you end things three years ago?" He needed to know, to understand.
"Because you are terrifying. Things were awkward and I was so scared of loving you only for you to not love me back. And then you agreed with me–"
"Only that things were awkward, not that there was nothing there."
She nodded. "I realize that now. But I thought you were confirming what I was thinking. But the heart wants what it wants or else it doesn't care, and despite it all I still wanted–want–you, so I gave up on being happy. I thought feeling good was all I was going to be able to get. I didn't think there was a world in which you loved me."
Luke looked at her softly. "I don’t think there’s even a universe in which I don’t love you, Penelope. It’s always going to be you." He held his hand out, and she took it. "Always has been, always will be."
She gently stroked the surface of his hand with her thumb. "I'm so sorry, Luke."
"Don’t be."
"No. I need to tell you that I’m sorry. I need you to understand that. More than anything, you need to understand how sorry I am. I will never regret anything more than the way I treated you. Robbing us of these last three years…"
Luke shrugged. "Well I'm not blameless."
"Yes, you are."
"I could have told you."
"You never would have and we both know it."
He smiled softly at her. "Yeah… you're not wrong."
"Why is that, anyway?" She asked him. "Why wouldn’t you tell me?"
"Because I respect you too much. I never wanted to ruin anything… Even if that meant just a friendship with you. I never wanted to let my feelings come between us."
Penelope smiled softly. "Okay, when I said 'shade of green flag' this is exactly what I meant."
Luke frowned. "I'm not going to lie, it's heartbreaking to me that basic respect is a shock to you. Penelope, I never wanted to be that kind of guy that makes it a big deal that you don’t feel the same way, I’m not a teenage boy. It hurts like hell. To see you lower yourself to whatever it is this is. That you only realize people want you, care about you, when they push you. I never wanted to push you."
"Well maybe I wanted you to."
He shook his head. "I'm not like them. I’m not like the others… I won’t guilt you."
She smiled again, feeling the softness of his words in her soul. "You really do care about me, don’t you?"
He nodded quickly. "Unconditionally."
"Luke… can you forgive me? For everything I've put you through?"
He tugged lightly on their still joined hands. "It's all already forgiven."
"Then can I kiss you?"
Luke smirked. "Short answer? Yes."
Before he could continue speaking, her lips were on his. He held her tight in his arms, their lips moving slowly and determinedly against the other's, slow, soft, tender kisses demanding every ounce of their attention and focus.
Penelope smiled when she at long last pulled back. "So… what was the long answer?"
Luke smirked again, his face only an inch from hers. "Fuck yes."
We tugged her close and covered her mouth with his again. Things weren't perfect, there would still be a lot they needed to work out, but they were good, and they were happy, and that was all that mattered.