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Kremy Lecroux sat in the den of the Inn at the End of the Road watching his merry band of friends as they took a moment to breath now that they were out of danger for the moment. His gaze drifted to the fire genasi who sat in one of the big chairs near the fire and the small brownie that sat on the arm beside him and read to him the fey engineering for dummies. He felt his heart clench, an unusual feeling for the easygoing Alligator, as the small, now wooden hands, turned the pages of the book and painted blue rose eyes turned up to Gideon excitedly. He turned away, finishing off the last bit of tea in his cup and setting it aside. The lizard folk stood, dusted off his purple suit and stretched his back. Gideon looked up at him the moment he moved, always aware of the gator, “hey man, you okay?” Kremy gave him one of his signature easy smiles and reach down to rest his cane on the chair, trying his best to look at ease, “Just fine Gid. I was just gonna go freshen myself up while we have the chance. Won’t be gone to long.” Gideon nodded seemingly accepting the answer before turning his attention back to Twig and Kremy once again felt that strange tightness deep in his chest seeing the small wooden form.
He excused himself from the room, making his way up the stair and down the hall to an empty room. The door clicked to a shut behind him as he rested his back against the sturdy wood and stared at the wall ahead of him. Scaled hands reached to the top of his head and gently took the purple silk hat he wore off and brought it to eye level before him. Grey eyes stared and the deep purple fabric, thumb tracing the cards that sat in the band with a sense of care. He turned the hat in his hands and stopped just on the opposite side of where those cards sat. He felt that tightness returning to his chest but this time it didn’t ease. His breathing picked up as he stared at it, brain working to process the small, humanoid scratches that sat on the brim of his hat. Twig’s scratches. His vision blurred and the room swam around him. He felt disgusted with himself. This hat, this stupid hat was the reason that Torbek had been on the brink of death. His hat was at fault for Twig, someone he cared for deeply, dying. This hat was the reason he watched Gideon nearly lose it as he tried to feed her limp body the bananyas that Gricko had summoned.
It was his fault.
Disgust filled him and he flung the hat away from it watching as it hit the wall and fell to the floor, and he stepped to the side opposite as he glared at it. Frost was right. It really was just a fine hat. He squeezed his eyes shut as his back slid down the wall, the memories replaying over and over in his head. Watching twig disappear into the bronze frog, yelling at Gideon to throw Gricko in the frog when he got too weak, seeing frost disappear into the frog to get them out.
It was his fault.
His breathing was harsh ragged to his own ears, his hand cradling his head as his body shook. He recalled running to the frog, calling on his Patron to help him use a magic not familiar to him to identify the object to save his friends. He remembers as Grecko’s green hand emerged and he was able to pull him out, the goblin’s green skin having a slight blue tint as he coughed and gasped for air. Watching as Gricko crawled his way to Torbek’s limp form and using the last of his magics to summon the good berries and revive the bugbear.
It was his fault.
One hand dropped to his chest, finger curling into the cotton of his shirt as he felt his chest heaving. He remembered yelling at Gideon to get twig out, the feel of Torbek’s fur under his hands as he helped him sit up. He remembered Gideon’s yell as he pulled her out, watched as he cradled her limp body in his arms. Gideon’s panicked voice rang in his ears as he yelled for Gricko, repeating that the small body wasn’t breathing. He had to make a choice in that moment to either get Frost out or help Gideon get twig up.
It was his fault.
His jaw ached with how hard he was clenching his teeth. His memory dragged on as he recalled racing to the frog. He had worked with a death Loa for long enough to know with just a glance at the small arm hanging over Gideon’s that she was gone. Her once pinkish flesh had the pale waxy look of death over it, but he couldn’t bear to tell that to his husband. He recalled reaching in and calling out Frost’s name and feeling the flood of relief as warm fur met his hand and he was able to pull his friend to safety. But that relief was short lived as Gideon cry of distress pulled him back to the situation, to Gricko quietly standing by larger genasi as he cradled the small dead body. And he, Kremy Lecroux, with all his magic and knowledge of death, could do nothing to help, do nothing to undo the damage and pain that he had cause to his friends, to the one he loved.
It was his…
The door to the room was shoved open. A familiar concerned voice filling the room but to him it was fuzzy, distant, almost as if there was cotton in his ears. Large warm hands cupped his face and tilted it up. Kremy opened his bleary eyes to see Gideon in front of him, fear and worry marring his face. Gideon was saying something, but Kremy couldn’t hear him. He blinked and felt wetness running down his cheeks from tear he didn’t realize were falling. Gideon’s warm hands moved to his neck and chest, gentle but urgent as he tugged off Kremy’s bow tie, pushed his jacket from his shoulders, and unbuttoned the top tree buttons of his shirt. Oh, that was better. He could breathe a bit better. The warm hands returned to his cheeks, and he reached up with his own shaky ones to place over them. Gideon was still talking, deep rumbling voice losing the tight edge and holding a calmer tone as he spoke. Kremy tried to understand, tried to make out the word but he could still hear the blood running through his ears. Another soft voice joined Gideon’s and a soft knitted blanket was wrapped over his shoulders by gentle wooden hands. His grey eyes traced Gideon’s face and suddenly he could hear his own voice, though it sounded off to his ears, repeatedly mumbling that he was sorry, that he was at fault.
Gideon hushed him gently and ran his thumbs over Kremy’s cheeks. Kremy clung to that warmth, to that grounding presence that kept him from being swept away by the drowning guilt. Gideon kept talking, kept his hands on Kremy. Twig scurried around the room, gathering blankets, pillows, and getting a glass of water for him. Kremy felt the gentle weight as Gideon pressed their foreheads together and his eyes closed once more. He focused on Gideons hands. He focused on that steadying presence that was always there for him. He focused on his breathing and worked to match it with Gideon’s till his breath stopped stuttering and eased to a gentle rhythm. His hands stopped shaking as they held on to the calloused ones beneath his and slowly, almost achingly slowly, that tightness started to leave his chest.
Gideon didn’t move from where he kneeled until Kremy opened his eyes once more and looked at him with a more focused gaze. Only then did he shift back and move to sit beside Kremy, wrapping his arm around Kremy’s shoulders. Kremy leaned into him, his fingers finding the soft yarn of the blanket as he once again stared at the hat on the floor. He watched as Twig’s wooden marionette body moved towards it and gently picked it up in small hands. She brushed it off, adjusted one of the cards in the band and carried over to the duo.
“Kremy man, What happened?” Gideon’s concerned laced voice pulled his gaze away from the source of his guilt and warm concerned eyes met his grey gaze. He ran his tongue against the inside of his teeth and gave a resigned sigh, “I don’t know. I just… I watched you and Twig; I remember feeling like… like my heart was gonna pop. I just kept remembering everything that happened in that damned attic and I just… It’s all my fault Gid.” His voice trailed off quietly on the last part as he broke his gaze from his partners’ instead staring at his hands that fiddled with the blanket. Gideon was silent for what felt like too long for Kremy. A soft weight was placed on his head and a white apron covered dress entered his peripheral as twig placed the hat on him.
He glanced up, meeting those rose eyes behind her cracked glasses and the bright smile she had, “It’s not your fault Kremy. I just, I saw your hat go in there and I want to show you that I could be a good adventurer like all of you are, I made the choice that got me in trouble. You saved me Kremy, you all did cause… cause you’re Twig’s family!” Tears filled his eyes again and Gideon squeezed his shoulders,” Yeah man, If you hadn’t used your magic to learn about that thing then we would have lost everyone. We are all together in this mess and no one is at fault for what happened aside from the fuckin hags.” Kremy took a shaky breath as the words sank in.
It wasn’t his fault? But it was his hat that had caused it. It was his drive to get it back that pushed them up there so why weren’t they mad at him? Twig gave him a big hug, her tiny arms trying to wrap around his larger frame, “’asides you’re all gonna help Twig become Twig again! Everything works out great!” “Yeah, Kremy we are gonna fix all this and get the hell out of here, as a group, as a family,” Gideon gave him a bright smile and Kremy felt a weight drop from him. They really didn’t blame him. Gideon kissed his forehead and stood. Twig hopped up and skipped to the door before pausing and waiting for them. “come on let’s go back down with the others,” Gideon Gave him a lazy grin as he reached a hand down to the gator. Kremy returned the grin and took his hand, getting to his feet with Gid’s help. Gideon didn’t release his hand, instead lacing their fingers together and walking together out the door and back downstairs to the rest of the party.
Frost was curled by the fire reading one of the many books Twig had. Gricko was attempting to teach Hootsie some now dance, though the young owlbear seemed more interested in trying to chase the rats that skittered about. And Torbek was sitting in one of the corners, pulling things carefully out of his filthy sack and admiring each little trinket he had come into possession of before gently laying them in front of him to admire. Twig skipped to the bug bear with a few trinkets of her own and Kremy watched as she sat with him, and they talked and admired their little precious things. He looked down at their enter twined hands, his own precious thing that he had found. That warm reassuring heat spreading from his palm up through his heart and a small smile rested on his face. Yeah, maybe they were right, everything was going to be fine.
And maybe, just maybe it wasn’t his fault after all.