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Is that all you’re capable of now, child?
The voice comes in the night, cold and whispery; slipping through the cracks of her harried mind, seeping into her consciousness like spilled, dirty oil. Dread settles low and silty in her belly, and she knows that if her heart still beat with any frequency it would have frozen in her chest.
Delilah.
In a way, she knew this was coming. After everything, she had suspected.
But she had hoped too.
You’ll have to be stronger than this, darling.
Her whole body tenses, stiffening wood-like where she’s wrapped around Imogen. Fleetingly, in a dark corner of her mind (the one that makes jokes when she really should not), she thinks that, likely, she hasn’t been this stiff since the rigor mortis set in.
Jaw clenched, she just wraps tighter around Imogen’s beaten form.
Healing had sealed the majority of the wounds, but some still lingered around the edges. A bruise under her eye, a laceration on her upper arm, a shallow puncture over her hip bone. She can’t help but remember the way Imogen hung, limp like a ragdoll, in the demon’s maw; the way her blood dripped down its massive jaws.
Helplessness has never sat well with her and she has never felt as helpless as she did today.
Ineffectual.
Dear, sweet, Laudna, Delilah’s voice coos from the shadows, saccharine sweet and cloying, oozing like molasses into the walls of her skull, Always trying your best but never quite…reaching.
“Shut up.”
Laudna’s voice is barely a breath, croaked out against the soft skin of Imogen’s neck. Kept quiet in the still space of the cavern they’re resting in, still conscious of the other people just feet away. She pulls Imogen closer to her, back to front, she can feel her bones creak; like tree limbs bending in the wind.
Tsk, tsk darling, that’s no way to speak to someone who can help you.
The words are smug but the voice is wispy; fading and ephemeral.
“Shut up.”
She presses closer to the back of Imogen’s neck, burying her face into the nape. Reflexively, her arms further tighten against the woman in her arms, seeking comfort in her warmth, curling into the solid weight of her.
Imogen stirs at the pressure, breath hitching.
“Laud..?” her words slur with sleep, not truly awake but still worrying over her, “Wha’s wrong..?”
Immediately, Laudna loosens her grip, shame roiling in her belly, thick and sticky like ink, coating the back of her throat, the empty spaces in her chest.
She does her best to loosen the tightness of her jaw, to relax her muscles.
“It’s nothing, darling, I’m sorry for disturbing you.” Laudna murmurs next to Imogen’s ear, pressing light, soothing circles into a patch of unblemished skin at her hip, “Go back to sleep, you need to rest.”
Imogen hums absently, a languid sound of pleasure that skitters shivers up Laudna’s spine.
“M’kay…” Laudna can feel Imogen nod her assent, going slack against her once more, “Love you…”
She can feel tears prick hot at the corners of her eyes.
“I love you, too. More than anything.” Laudna tells her, swallowing thickly against the tightness of her throat.
My, my, dear. Lying to your dear, lovely Imogen? I didn’t know you had it in you to lie to your woman.
Laudna grits her teeth, grinding until it hurts.
“You don’t know anything.” Her voice hisses, nearly imperceptible, while she gently extracts herself from Imogen, taking care not to jostle or wake her again. Silently, she casts her gaze about the space, passing over the sleeping forms of her friends, taking note of the two Ashari keeping sleepy watch where the entrance to the cavern was sealed. Neither paying attention to the group behind them.
I know more than you will ever fathom. Don’t kid yourself, girl.
It takes tremendous effort to suppress a derisive snort as she rises to her feet.
Gingerly, she takes her time stepping over her friends and their belongings, dodging over loose rocks and pebbles, taking care not to trip or make a sound. She finds her way to the back of the cavern, as secluded as she can possibly get in close quarters. Quiet enough for this.
Ah, alone at last.
“Shut the fuck up.” Rage seethes through Laudna’s clenched teeth, “What do you want.”
She crouches down on the dusty floor, doing her best to look like she’s just looking through her travel bag in case anyone wakes.
The same thing I’ve always wanted, dear heart.
Laudna’s grip threatens to rip through the thick canvas of her bag.
“Gods, I hate you so much, why can’t you ever be straight forward.” She can feel her fingers strain where they’re clenched, “I’m so fucking stupid, how could I have let you come back after all this. How could I have been so careless?”
Directionless, the rage in her can only simmer with no outlet, hot and boiling in its impotence.
Child, you are more of a fool than I ever took you for if you thought I was truly gone.
Delilah’s voice is mocking, dull and caustic, echoing out from whatever corner of Laudna’s mind she’s taking refuge in. It saps the fight in her. Her hands release their aching grip on her bag, limply letting it sink to the floor.
But…I think you knew that already, didn’t you?
Laudna stutters a breath, and Delilah cackles. It’s a cruel sound despite the way it fades in and out of existence, flickering.
Amusing, Delilah breathes, I knew I was right. That you knew you’d give me more strength when you killed that boy, but you did it anyway. It was truly exquisite, darling, a wonderful show. A perfect welcome home.
Stifling a gasp, Laudna can’t help but flash through that moment. Bor’dor’s final breath wheezing, his tears still wet as he died, the way her own tears dripped, inky and terrible, onto his still face.
Where was that effectiveness today, child?
It hits like a knife.
A tear tracks its way down the side of Laudna’s face.
So brutally effective against one defenseless man, but you couldn’t even protect the one you supposedly love most? Laudna can almost see the sneer on Delilah’s face, Pathetic. You’ve fallen far without my guidance, Laudna.
Trembling, Laudna covers her eyes with a single hand, hoping against hope that the pressure will keep the gathering tears at bay.
She almost died today, her voice drips like honey, because you couldn’t do anything to help her.
“Stop.” Laudna can barely force the word out, raspy and broken. Desperate. “Please.”
Oh, I know you did your best, darling, the soothing candace of the fleeting murmurs is eerie against Laudna’s mind, it just wasn’t enough. It rarely is.
Sharp, brittle nails dig into the side of her face where her hand is still pressed against her eyes. The pressure of it doing nothing to stop the slide of inky tears that slip their way beneath. Rage and helplessness batter her ribcage in equal measure, fighting and clawing for supremacy.
“Stop it.” Laudna croaks, trying desperately to choke back the tears.
In the end, wasn’t it her that saved both of you?
A harsh breath punches it’s way out of Laudna’s chest, leaving a vacuum that sucks her in from the inside; bending her over herself where she’s huddled, alone, in a dark little alcove in a dank little cave.
She doesn’t respond.
I know you want to be of use, Delilah breathes, gentle, You’ve always wanted to be of use, I know you, and you’ve done so well under my care. I can help, just as I’ve always done.
Laudna only whimpers, strained and quiet.
You want to protect her, don’t you girl?
“Yes.”
Laudna can feel the wicked, curled grin that Delilah breaks into. Feels it carve against her soul, the hollow spaces that doubt and inadequacy left in her chest. It makes her nauseous.
You’d kill for her?
“I’d die for her.” Laudna snarls, voice thick with tears.
Oh, I know. You already have, haven’t you?
A tremor runs up Laudna’s spine, an ache like ice forms a pit under her sternum where Otohan’s blade skewered her like she was nothing.
We had a nice little chat, her and I, I’m not sure she ever mentioned.
Delilah’s faux-innocent musings give Laudna pause.
Did she ever mention…?
She shakes her head. It doesn’t matter.
She was willing to do anything to get you back. Delilah’s voice slithers around the back of her skull, That’s what she said. Anything. What would you do to protect her?
Laudna stills, all but the restless twitch of her hands.
“I-”
What are you willing to break for her?
Indignation flares to life in her gut, igniting the confusing mess of conflicting emotions warring in her into pure fury. She lets it run through her, warming her blood, drying her tears, shaking her bones. She can feel her eyes flash with the power of it.
“I would break everything for her.”
Her voice is rough when it escapes her, worn ragged around the edges with restraint.
Good, then you’ll have no qualms helping me help you. Our agreement is intact.
Laudna growls, slipping her hands up into her hair and clutching tight, letting the sting of it ground her in the moment.
The more power you gain, the more power I gain. And I will help you wield it in defense of your lover. Delilah hums again, chuckling darkly, the sound of it bouncing disorientingly from ear to ear.
“Why should I?” Laudna mutters, still tugging at her own hair, “You’re fading. I can hear it. I don’t have to listen to you, you…you murdered me. You hung me from a tree. You’re here now doing…doing this. Why would I ever listen to you when I have Imogen now. I’m not alone anymore, I don’t need to talk to you.”
If not for me…you wouldn’t even have your dear, darling, Imogen, now would you? Delilah tsks, voice amused, like playfully scolding a child, I’ve only had your best interests at heart, my girl.
A breath gets stuck, hitched painfully in Laudna’s chest, she tries to gasp around it, to relieve the pressure but it only comes out as a pitiful little sob.
Don’t worry, darling girl, Delilah soothes, the lilt of her voice bell-like, soft and ringing, I know you’ll make the right decision. We are so alike, after all. You’re capable of great things. You and that girl of yours.
Laudna just lowers her head to her knees.
I can see this has taken a toll on you, Laudna swears she can feel the ghost of a caress on the blade of her shoulder, Remember, this is all for your own good. I’ll be back again soon, darling.
Blissfully, it’s silent for the first time in what feels like hours but could only have been at most half of one. She takes a few deep, shuddering breaths, head still pressed against her knees.
‘Laudna? You’ve been over there a while, baby. You ok?’
Startled by the unexpected sound of Imogen’s voice in her mind, Laudna doesn’t even think of the state of herself when she whips her head around to look at her.
She sees Imogen’s eyes widen and her brow knit, sees her gaze drift over the ink stained planes of her face.
‘How long have you been awake?’ Laudna asks, turning away quickly and brusquely wiping her face.
There’s a slight clatter of pebbles and a soft swear that she recognizes as Imogen.
She goes to turn, to scold Imogen for getting up when she’s still injured but Imogen, grave faced and determined, has already taken her place at her side. Lightning scarred palms move her own away from her face, taking their place to wipe away the tears gently.
‘What happened?’ Imogen’s mind voice is heated, angry. On her behalf, Laudna realizes only after flinching and seeing the way Imogen’s face falls.
A tremble runs through Laudna’s body. She wonders if she ever actually stopped trembling, if she had been shaking this whole time and not quite realized.
“I-” Laudna catches on the sounds in her throat, “...Delilah.”
The look on Imogen’s face when she hears Delilah’s name could only be described as incensed. Idly, Laudna notes that her rage is beautiful to behold, coloring her cheeks and hardening her brow in a way that stirs something in her chest.
“That fucking bitch, what did she say to you.” Imogen grabs both sides of her head, tilting it around like she’s looking for damage. Laudna’s slow, languid heart picks up a few paces.
Laudna closes her eyes, “Nothing that I wasn’t already thinking, I suppose. It was just…hard to hear aloud.”
“What did she say, Laudna.”
“Just…critiquing my performance today…says I should have been better. That I let you get hurt,” She swallowed thickly against the bile that rises, “that I need her to be strong.”
Anger burns across Imogen’s face like a wildfire.
“How fucking dare she try to manipulate you like this. Of course Delilah fucking Briarwood would try to kick you while you’re down. Fucking bitch.”
“She’s right though,” Laudna starts, soft and resigned, “I couldn’t protect you. I couldn’t do anything. I’ve never felt so helpless.”
Imogen’s whole body slackens, sagging towards Laudna like she’s weighed down by the world. She presses a lingering kiss to her pale forehead and sighs, breath rattling.
“She’s not right.” Imogen’s mouth lingers on Laudna’s forehead, lips brushing as she speaks, “I know because I know exactly how you’re feeling. I felt exactly the same when Otohan ki- when Otohan got you.”
Laudna can feel Imogen’s hands begin to tremble where they still hold her face, her heart cracks a little at how affected she still is by the incident.
“All I could think about was how I didn’t protect you. How I failed. That if I had just been better you’d be here still. I would have saved you.”
Her voice cracks at the end and Laudna can’t help but raise her head and press a lingering kiss to her mouth.
Imogen’s breath shudders out against her lips, “You make me feel safe, Laudna. I saw you standing over me and despite all the danger and the blood loss I felt safe. Because I knew you’d do everything you could to help me. Just like I would do for you.”
“I-”
“Shhhh,” Imogen cuts her off, “You did everything you could. You took care of me after. You haven’t left my side and I feel so lucky. You tried so hard, Laudna. Sometimes it doesn’t work even when you try your hardest. But I’m ok. I might have some fucked up dreams for a while but that’s normal for me.”
Cracking a small, wet smile, Laudna nods.
“We’re gonna protect each other, ok Laud?” Imogen nudges their noses together, “You and me against the world, like always. Fuck Delilah Briairwood and her manipulation. She chose now to talk to you for a reason. Because you’re exhausted, because you’re worried and scared. Because I’m hurt. Don’t listen to her.”
Imogen presses another kiss to her lips and Laudna hums her assent.
“We don’t need her. I don’t need her.” She mumbles, letting her lips brush over Imogen’s with every word.
“You don’t need her, baby, she needs you. Remember that.” She lets herself tug Laudna’s lower lip between her teeth, relishing the quiet shiver.
Reluctantly, Laudna breaks away, casting a furtive glance around for prying eyes.
“I…” she trails off, wringing her hands together.
“Yeah?”
“I am…sorry though. For not doing more. And for,” She waves her hand around, “for making you comfort me after what you went through. It’s…unbecoming.”
Sighing, Imogen takes her hand, lifts them both to their feet, “You did nothing wrong. If apologizing makes you feel better then…fine. I accept. But I won’t let you apologize for needing comfort. I know you’ll keep taking care of me when I need it, and I will. I wasn’t joking about those dreams, I know I'll have bad ones after that.”
Laudna lets herself be led carefully back to their bed rolls, stepping over friends and rocks quietly.
She’s quiet while they snuggle back up, back to front, Laudna’s long, thin arms wrapping securely around Imogen’s waist. Curling up against Imogen’s back, she presses her forehead back against the nape of her neck and sighs, rattling her ribcage like autumn leaves.
“I’d do anything for you, Imogen. Anything at all.”
Imogen hums and Laudna can feel it vibrate through her.
“I know, baby. And I would do anything for you, too. Anything it takes.”