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"Ask him properly!!"
Aziraphale felt a lump in his throat but he ignored it.
He can't let him know.
Any time Crowley raised his voice to him he couldn't help but feel hurt.
Even if it wasn't directly angry. Crowley almost never raises his voice to him.
Usually only when there's a crisis like the end of the world or something.
But other than that, Crowley never yelled at him.
Not long after the events of (hypothetical) s3. Crowley and Aziraphale were in the bookshop.
Crowley was walking around the bookshop. He was pacing.
"My dear, would you stop pacing?” Aziraphale said kindly. “You're acting like there's still something wrong." He said with a small chuckle, sitting at his desk looking at newspaper clippings.
"Like there's something wrong" Crowley mocks. He stops pacing and walks over to where Aziraphale is. Not very close though.
"There is something wrong! We- we need to talk about this." He gestures between them.
Aziraphale looks at him with a furrowed brow. "Whatever do you mean? Us? Well, everything is okay now. I'm here. I'm not leaving-"
"But you did leave!" Crowley raises his voice. Startling Aziraphale.
"That's the problem! We haven’t had time to talk about this whole mess but you left me for heaven and we can't act like that didn't happen! You. Left. Me."
Crowley still has his glasses on.
Aziraphale felt that lump in his throat. Oh no, he couldn't shed a tear now. He got up from his desk, walking over to Crowley. Still leaving distance between them. They haven't talked about what happened that day with everything that was going on. But now it seems like the right time. He wanted to address this calmly.
"My dear, I didn't want to leave. You don't understand-"
"Oh understand perfectly well." Crowley said, rolling his eyes behind his glasses, his voice raised slightly.
"No you don't-" Aziraphale tries to make him understand but Crowley cuts him off.
"Oh, no? Well, what I understand is that you left me for heaven! The place that watched me burn!" Crowley walked closer. Aziraphale stumbled back a bit. Already feeling the tears at the corners of his eyes. "You just went back to them as if they didn't try to kill you! After everything they did you-!"
"Crowley-" Aziraphale tried to get in a word but Crowley wouldn't allow it.
"I thought you were better than that, Angel! But no, you just go back like nothing ever happened! One coffee doesn't just make everything better! But you're too blind to realize that they have been manipulating you-!"
"Will you stop yelling at me!!" Aziraphale shouted with tears now rolling down his cheek. This took Crowley by surprise. He had seen Aziraphale almost cry before, and even though he was angry, nothing hurt more than knowing he made his Angel cry.
"I didn't want to leave you, Crowley! I was threatened! They said if I didn't come back to heaven they would hurt you!" Aziraphale looks away, bringing his hand to his face to wipe his tears.
After a second he looks back at Crowley. Who was just looking at him. No words forming in his mouth.
"I need you to understand that I had no choice! It broke my heart to leave you! I just-" he takes a deep breath and looks down to his hands.
Crowley doesn't know how to respond.
Aziraphale takes a step back. "I understand I've hurt you. The whole time I was there I couldn't help but think about how much I've hurt you. Every day I worried. And I thought, since we're together again, if you didn't bring it up I wouldn't mention it. but now I see I should have apologized sooner. I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry I didn't think we could protect each other. I'm sorry I let that stupid place manipulate me."
Aziraphale was looking down, still crying, with his hands clasped at his front.
"I-"
Crowley really didn't know what to say. He should have known heaven had said something to him. Aziraphale would never leave this place behind so easily.
How could he be so stupid and so gullible to his own thoughts!
He took off his glasses, putting them down on the table, stepping closer to Aziraphale.
"Angel…"
Aziraphale did move.
"I'm so sorry… I shouldn't have assumed the worst."
Crowley hesitantly took Aziraphale's hands.
"No, you have nothing to be sorry for my dear. It's my fault and I'll own up to that. I should have never left. I could have protected you if they ever came to hurt you."
Aziraphale looked down at their hands.
"I'm so sorry…" he whispered.
"It's okay. It's always okay. Please don’t be sorry for something you couldn’t control, Angel. I'm sorry I yelled. I never wanted to make you cry."
Crowley raised Aziraphale's hands to his mouth and kissed each knuckle saying 'I'm sorry' each time, understanding that what made Aziraphale cry was his yelling. He had seen him close to tears multiple times but it was always when he yelled.
He feels bad for getting angry at him. Not knowing the full story and all.
In the future, he would make an effort not to yell at his Angel.
Aziraphale started to tear up again.
“Crowley I don’t deserve this…”
He pulled his hands away.
“Yes, you do. Let me show you that you do.”
He brought his hands to Aziraphale’s face.
“If you’ll let me.”
Aziraphale just looked at him. "But why? I've hurt you. I don't deserve your love." Aziraphale brings one of his hands up to Crowley's.
Crowley just smiled. "Oh Angel, that doesn't matter. What matters is you're here now. And you always will be. My love for you grows stronger every day. And-" he wipes Aziraphale's newly formed tears running down his cheek. "If you'll let me. I would love to show you how much I love you for the rest of our lives."
He's been wanting to say that for so long.
Aziraphale just looks up at him. "please do…"
Crowley smiles again. Then closes the distance between them, bringing their lips together.
Only this time it somehow has more emotion. Crowley is tearing up.
It’s like Crowley is trying to tell Aziraphale everything that he has kept hidden away for the past 6000 years.
Aziraphale doesn’t pull away at all.
He just melts into the kiss as tears roll down his face, wrapping his arms around Crowley’s back.
When Crowley does pull away, It’s nothing like last time. He stays close with his hands around Aziraphales neck and puts their foreheads together. He can't help but smile.
Aziraphale closes his eyes.
“Crowley I-...”
“Shhh… It's okay.”
Crowley moves his arms around Aziraphale and hugs him. Aziraphale then lays his head on Crowley's shoulder and hugs him tight, still slightly crying, but not all of It’s from sadness.
Crowley moves one of his hands into Aziraphale’s hair.
“Everything is okay now.” He whispers.
They both hear a faint sound of a Nightingale.
“Do you hear that?” Crowley said, keeping his voice down.
“I do.” Aziraphale says, matching his tone of voice.
They may not have been at the Ritz and this wasn't Berkeley Square, but the meaning was still there.
They stood there, just embracing each other, for quite some time.
After all that's happened Crowley just wanted to drop and almost fell asleep in Azirapahle’s arms. He didn’t mind but there was a bedroom for a reason.
Aziraphale led Crowley upstairs to his bedroom and laid him down.
Crowley fell asleep immediately but wouldn’t let go of his hand.
“I’ll be here when you wake up, don't worry.” He says and Crowley's hand relaxes.
Aziraphale turned on the light and sat down on the bed next to him, grabbing the nearest book. He miracles his glasses and puts them on.
He was never one to sleep. Especially since he didn't need to but he found himself dozing off. So he put the book and glasses on the nightstand and laid down next to Crowley. Eventually falling asleep.
After all that they've been through.
They definitely deserved a rest.