Chapter Text
Wandering the world with no one by your side was isolating Mizuki presumed as they fastened their cloak towards them, the lantern was shattered after a mishap with a rock and a resting place. And their hood was slipping back off the top of their head as they headed through the mountains and the snow, their horns being revealed to the public slowly. Not there was a public to be revealed to in the world of ice and snow, there was no point in them trying to hide it and deny it. But they naturally did it.
They were naturally secretive, but in a world of isolation, why were they at all? It was it futile really to be secretive when there was no one to protect their secrets from but, it was good whenever they had to venture into towns and villages. When the winter was a little too harsh and rough.
They sighed once more; it was a little pitiful at this point, but they had made their bed and they had to lie in it. Their heart had to get so numb they supposed for it to truly work as they made their way through the snow, trudging through it somehow walking in their heels before stopping as they spotted a gather of people like them. Similar looking hermits.
Hermits in this world were hated, detested really. Just because villages had accepted a wandering Mizuki, didn’t mean they accepted Mizuki. They simply realised their little village could get money and if shit went wrong, they had a villain to hang at the stake. They had someone that was evil and cruel, and Mizuki didn’t exactly disagree with them.
They were kind and nice, according to the children they showed empathy and care to whenever they did go through the villages. Children rushing forward against their parents wishes to touch their cape or their staff. To gasp and stare at it with admiration before giggling to their friends that they had done it. That they had touched the wandering hermits clothing and items and were not cursed themselves, not appearing in boils and other things which Mizuki believed was holy fictious since, well, they were not capable of magic. If they were, they would’ve burrowed themselves in a cave, a spacious one at that they thought, and never had to leave for food, drink, hygiene or even oil in their lamp.
Hermits were simply outcasts and hated for the horns on their head and their lifestyle and being different. Which Mizuki was used to, they were always orchestrated for being an outsider even in their solitary confinement of hermits, even with their supposed family they were an outsider. The broken horn on their head signalled that.
They stopped their slow walk and brought it down to the point that they probably were sinking into the snow entirely, their calves would get engulfed if they didn’t cling to their staff like a lifeline, their lamp jingling by their side pitifully from how it wasn’t lit up.
One of them turned to face them, blue eyes staring into their soul, and they fixed the hood on their head, made sure it covered their horns and forced a smile on their face as they wandered forward. It was fake, too pinched but they needed to be friendly and civil they supposed. In a society of outcasts and those that hated them, they needed to have one another’s back to starve off and delay the inevitable hatred and prejudice that targeted and punctured their backs.
“Good day,” the blue eyed one bid which led to their other friends turning to look at them similarly.
Mizuki glanced over them and noted important details. Firstly, the white haired one lacked a staff like the other two and instead held onto the arms of the purple haired one and the brunette. They were also the leader of the little troupe of isolated people. Secondly, they actually had appropriate shoes for the weather and snow about them, well the purple haired one did. Thick and nice boots that would cut through the snow and make a dent that you didn’t have to really worry about a staff. Which begged the important question, at least to Mizuki, why did they carry a staff like that? It was intricate, probably made of ash if they had to haphazard a guess. That was if they had to haphazard a guess as they looked at the curved structure of the top and how comfortable it was. Thirdly, the brunette and the others were wary of them and proud of their horns that were curved in a way that they would like.
“Good day,” they returned evenly, nothing seeping through their tone of voice except a vague disinterest and pleasantries as they watched them carefully. Thought about them hard.
“Your lamp,” the white haired one began. “It’s empty.”
Mizuki nodded at that and the white haired one frowned deeply. “You should come with us; you shouldn’t be alone and lampless. Ena will guide us to a village so we can refill it.”
The brunette – Ena – made a face at her leaders demands but didn’t outright protest save rolling her eyes and a small scoff. She remained silent and smiled at them, however, Mizuki could tell it was forced. Her cheeks were tilted too far up and her eyes too narrowed as she looked over at them.
“Why don’t we introduce ourselves?” the purple haired one began with a certain voice that felt foreboding and, in a twisted way, comforting.
It was forced, too lilted and happy. Too full of emotion that it lacked it in a way with a grin that would’ve cracked a porcelain face wide open and the shards would fall to the ground, shattered. It was something that made Mizuki’s skin crawl, but they didn’t have to care. After this journey, they would never see these people again. It was the life of a hermit such as them, it was the ‘suffering’ they had to exhibit. To make tentative allies and bid them a solemn and harsh ‘farewell!’ when the journey was over. So, they didn’t need to think about the fake happiness in the girl’s voice and how Ena rolled her eyes at the sound and tone.
It was comforting to know that other hermits faked their emotions like them and the person in front of them thought they had mastered it, but they had mastered the sickly-sweet sound that trapped you fully. Which wasn’t a good sound in the slightest and made Mizuki choke to death on the air around them as they waited for her to introduce herself.
“It’s nice to meet you, I’m Asahina Mafuyu.”
“Yoisaki Kanade,” the white haired one greeted, holding out a hand to Mizuki. They took it gingerly and turned to the brunette.
“Shinonome Ena,” she eventually said. “Pleased to meet you…”
“Mizuki. Akiyama Mizuki,” they returned, and she hummed.
“Mizuki…” Ena repeated before shaking her head, as though to clear it of a silly notion. “Are you going to join us for the journey?”
“I would like it if you came,” Kanade whispered. “I don’t think I could bear to move on without you.”
They thought about it for the moment and glanced up at the sky, the sun was heading west so it would’ve been setting they supposed, and they could’ve made it without the lamp, they had done so before and yet… They gave a grin, a weak one, to the trio and nodded their head a little, as guilty and as hesitant as they felt. As nauseous as they became, they supposed they had to.
What was that their sister said? Something about seizing the opportunity and living in the moment, and whilst they were scared of the trio, scared of the inevitable pain. It was a moment and opportunity presented to them and well, their lamp was empty, and a village wasn’t far away they presumed. They could leave as fast as they joined and no one would be none the wiser that at one point, they were there.
“Great,” Mafuyu exclaimed, and they visibly winced from the octaves she reached and how enthusiastic it was but the words and sound didn’t quite meet her violet eyes.
They shook their head and sighed, if Mafuyu was two faced and had multiple personalities and wanted to hide it. That was for her to do so without their judgement. They were hiding their horns and their life, why should they penalise and orchestrate her for doing something similar to them? They shouldn’t, scratch that – they wouldn’t do so which meant simply accepting her words at face value though they knew it was deeper than that.
Speaking of their horns… they tugged their hood closer to them and stood around awkwardly whilst Mafuyu and Kanade made conversation, Ena was also lingering, pursing her lips in something that felt like vague disinterest or irritation. They wanted to say something to her. But they didn’t know what, so they kept quiet and waited besides her and looked over at Kanade and Mafuyu, their serious conversation that brought a small quirk to the corner of Mafuyu’s lips.
Eventually, the sun was setting too much, and Kanade took a deep breath. She looked to Mafuyu, and they had a silent conversation, Kanade wrapping her around the bulk of Mafuyu’s thick sleeves and Ena took that as the cue to get ready. Holding her lantern out and nodding softly, leading the herd the right away.
Mizuki and she walked in tandem, they didn’t mean to, nor did they intend to. They could’ve slowed down, but that would’ve caused Kanade and Mafuyu to slow down, or worse realise what their goal was and that they were only using them for light since the moon wasn’t the brightest anymore. It was a bright thing, don’t get them wrong, but not as bright as normal to cast some sort of glow on the ground which they could follow to find something. They were somewhat confident they could’ve ran around in the darkness though, it didn’t bother them nor hinder them like ought to have, but Mizuki was a strange anomaly they supposed in the hermit community and they were on their own, they needed to be able to survive and surviving they had done. They were alive, arguably, and they were somewhat healthy. They weren’t dead or hung which was fine by them.
The walk was done in silence, not the companionable type that rarely took over hermits. It was the awkward one, the suffocating and stifling one as all you could hear was the sloshing and the trudge through the snow. The kind that sent clouds of white dust up into your face and smothered you all entirely. That had their dark outfit looking all light coloured and kept the tips of their fingers frost bitten and trying to fall off whilst they clutched the staff in their hand and shook their head.
The cold was their friend, they thought it was at least. It hurt them, but then regular friendships hurt them. The frigid ice that coated the floors and hung to the entrance of caves were around more often than other people, and arguably, each icicle and snowflake was unique and did not know their history. But Mizuki liked to dream sometimes, delude themselves really, that they all did know one another and the pain that settled within their heart.
That was what they thought, at least.
As Ena navigated a cave, they all ducked in one after another, Ena placing a lamp in the centre of the home and checking to make sure it wasn’t a secret nesting den. It wasn’t, which they were glad for as Kanade and Mafuyu sat down, Kanade resting her head on Mafuyu’s shoulder. The purple haired girl looked to be unbothered by the action and the horns as she closed her eyes in turn and Mizuki winced visibly. It ought to be uncomfortable they thought, but that was simply their thoughts on the matter. The reality was that the other two were as close as can be and understood one another well and Ena was on her lonesome, sitting opposite to them and her eyes closed.
Mizuki was loathe to admit that she was pretty. Not that it meant much, people were pretty, and feelings couldn’t be caught, but Ena was by all conventional standards of beauty, stunning and ethereal. They would’ve thought they were dreaming, but the pain in their extremities from the chilling and vile cold reminded them that they were alive and grounded them as it hurt to walk from how their toes felt near enough to falling off and being abandoned somewhere.
“You can sit, you know?” Ena urged, her kind attitude slipping off her face and out of her voice. She was overtaken by sleepiness and irritation that rolled off her like the waves of an ocean in the midst of a storm. “We’re just gonna bunker down because Mafuyu hates late night travels.”
“You know they are unsafe statistically. It’s not my fault you thrive better at night, Ena,” she laughed, but it sounded strained. Like she added a joke at the end to cover something up.
“So is sitting in a cave waiting for someone to see the lamp and find us,” Ena snapped before sucking in a deep breath and shaking her head. It seemed like a consistent fight that occurred between the two of them.
Mizuki didn’t have to care, but their interest was piqued admittedly, and they wouldn’t be ashamed to admit that if someone called them out on it. It was just…
“I can go on watch,” Mizuki suggested easily. They were restless and the tension of the fight was getting to them really.
Mizuki didn’t like fights, but they didn’t really like people so watching people fight always baffled them and made them uncomfortable. It made them awkward, and they despised it because they didn’t get it. Besides, their family rarely fought too until…
They cleared their head for the moment and continued to smile, taking their staff and heading to the mouth of the cave as a new flurry of snow came down from the sky. They didn’t hear anyone try to get up to dissuade them or the likes, so it must’ve been fine they supposed as they perched themselves at the mouth of the cave and took a deep breath in.
Snow was so pretty to watch fall and coat the land.
There was an old folk tale, their sister used to tell them it when they were bored and wanted to dream for a moment or two, maybe three. It always hinged on one specific idea, that ice and snow and water, specifically water, remembered everything. Remembered and caught every rippling wave. Remembered each and every fish that swam in it. Remembered a different world and life and the bodies that fell deep in. Remembered the pain that coated the earth and so did snow and ice. So whilst the snow covered their tracks, hid them from the world, it remembered who Akiyama Mizuki was and the path they forged and walked with iron links.
They looked back as they heard movement and Ena joined them, stifling a yawn with her hand and dragging her fingers through her hair and huffed. They quirked a brow at her and shook her head as though to say, ‘don’t ask.’
They respected that and stared off into the darkness.
It was tense, and not the good kind. Not the kind that you felt upon receiving a gift and wondering what the hell you could get in there. But it wasn’t a bad kind of tension either like waiting for immenient doom. It was something else, an unfamiliar tension that Mizuki didn’t know if they would continue to hate forever or grow to love. They hoped it was the former, the latter required commitment and that was a scary thought.
“You don’t have to wear your hood around us,” Ena began easily, glancing over at them subtle, only moving her eyes for the barest of moments before looking off into the snow.
“I want to.”
There was a pause and Ena stared at them longer before shrugging. “Okay then, I just wanted you to be comfortable on this journey. It might take longer than you are used to with Kanade and Mafuyu being… them.”
“That’s fine. I hope I’m not imposing.”
“You aren’t. I forget you’re here sometimes and then something happens, and I’m reminded it’s not just the three of us…” she trailed off and Mizuki wanted her to continue to speak but wouldn’t press her to speak. If she wanted to speak and keep conversations alive, she would.
She didn’t and simply let the silence take over them and, soon enough, her eyes were fluttering closed, her hood was on her head and soft snores sounded from next to them. They wanted to move her, send her far, far, far away from them. But they didn’t want to touch her as they rolled their eyes and laughed to themselves.
Sleep and exhaustion nagged at the back of their mind too, but the night sky and the stars and the snow was a pretty sight and Mizuki liked pretty things. It was a collector like mindset that they possessed to remember pretty things in utter detail. To remember them exactly and cherish them even if the pain that followed once they no longer possessed them or where near them broke their heart, they would gladly suffer like that they reasoned. They supposed, really.
But sleep could not evade them forever no matter how much they desired it. No matter how much they yearned to be awake all night long and the next day and the nights and days after that, they could not not sleep.
Reluctantly, at the mouth of the cave, a dangerous place they thought, they curled up to the side, brought their knees to their chest, the staff sitting in their lap and pulled their hood down and the cover of darkness slipped away.
#
Mizuki was probably asleep for an hour or two before the first sound alerted them to be awake and they looked around only to see Mafuyu wandering in the cave. Her face looked strange, a blanket of emptiness covered it and Mizuki was certain that Mafuyu was faking something, maybe all of her feelings really as they caught her eyes and her mask situated itself on her face. By that point, there was no point in them trying to clamour after another half an hour or more of sleep, they were fully awake and alert.
They were used to little sleep, sleepless nights taking over them more often then not.
“Akiyama,” Mafuyu whispered, looking over at them happily but failing to conceal the weariness in her eyes. The knowledge that she had made a mistake must’ve replayed in her mind and poisoned her lips and tongue as she glanced over at them.
“Mafuyu,” they smiled back at Mafuyu. “Good morning, you’re up early.”
Mafuyu hummed and brought her cloak closer to her. She gripped her staff tightly too, for the briefest and barest of moments her knuckles turned white. She took in a shaky breath, willed herself to calm down and smiled over at them.
“I need to get breakfast for the four of us. Would you like to come?”
“If it’s not an inconvenience,” they returned pleasantly and Mafuyu laughed slightly.
“It isn’t, otherwise I wouldn’t have offered it to you,” She smiled easily.
Mizuki nodded and began to get up a little, it was a slow movement, making sure not to accidentally hit Ena in the process. Not that they were necessarily budged up together, right next to one another but more so that they were overly careful around her, around everyone actually if they had to be honest and real.
They held onto their staff and readjusted their hood since it had begun to slip for the shortest and briefest of moments which caught Mafuyu’s eyes. She said nothing but it was clearly noted in her mind as she headed to them easily, her footsteps measured and slow, each one carefully calculated and leaving a soft and echoey click from her boots. They weren’t thin or tall like Mizuki’s, but they were heeled, nonetheless.
They glanced out to the outside, dawn was beginning to come, and the sky was almost a soft purple colour, and the moon was slipping away behind clouds. Maybe Mizuki had had less sleep than they thought, so why did they feel so rejuvenated?
They shook their head as the two of them, Mafuyu and Mizuki, headed off into the snow, a new path in the way and a new set of footprints that covered up their hold path and memories. The old silence which they still clung to, but was even worse because there was only the two of them adventuring for berries or something.
“What clan do you come from?” Mafuyu asked eventually as Mizuki crouched down and looked at a certain bush. They pulled the twig and twisted it around, glancing at the berries before shaking their head. Poisonous.
“A hermit one,” they answered vaguely.
Mafuyu made a noise in the back of her throat. She didn’t say anything more as a fox skirted past and Mizuki gasped and raced after it.
It was impulsive but foxes were everything that Mizuki loved. They were adorable and feisty, they had claws and would ruin them they supposed but the fox was everything in life. So cute and so fragile, precious as it ran around and burrowed itself in the snow, camouflaging itself to the environment.
Mafuyu followed along as Mizuki bent to look at it and smiled. “Hey,” they called out and the fox snapped its head towards them as though it understood them perfectly. “You’re a cute thing, aren’t you?”
The fox barred its teeth to them, and they laughed quietly and sat next to it on the snow, blood lining the fox’s mouth probably feasting on some rat or mouse, whatever little critter it could get within its grasp and reach. It was oddly gory for Mizuki to find adorable and cute, but the that was simply within the fox’s nature and sometimes, you needed the darkness for the light.
The fox eventually went towards them, snapping its jaw but Mizuki stayed perfectly still, and only had their hand out which it sniffed softly, blood coating it before jumping on them and sending them flying into the snow. Their hood fell and Mafuyu gasped, they didn’t know whether it was because of their now revealed horns or the fox on their chest, they hoped it was the latter. The fox sniffed them before stopping and getting off of them, as though the fox recognised them and maybe it did. Mizuki was familiar with this area after all, primarily staying there.
They sat up and Mafuyu watched them cautiously, but with intrigue that was not hidden. She took a breath and pulled them up. “We’re alike, aren’t we?” Mafuyu began as they dusted the snow from their hair.
They stopped in their tracks and shivered. Her voice was deep and soulless, empty and hollow as though someone had stolen what made a person a person from someone and let the husk roam around the world, but it made sense with how they noted her voice before was fake and false. A happy persona that she wanted people to perceive over this one.
Her eyes were hollowed out too, where there seemed to be happiness dancing in them and there was light. There was nothingness almost like fish and Mizuki wanted to believe they were dreaming, but they knew they weren’t when Mafuyu stepped away from them and analysed them.
They laughed awkwardly. “I don’t get how you could say that. You’re being a little strange, aren’t you Mafuyu?”
“Strange? I am? You understand me, don’t you? More then Ena and Kanade I think because you know what I’m on about, you’re honest about yourself and your feelings. It was why you were kicked out, right? You seem so happy, but you were faking just like me because you are unsatisfied with your life, you want to die,” Mafuyu explained, it was the longest she had spoken and with her direct and blunt tone Mizuki felt fear within them.
She wasn’t right, but she wasn’t wrong they thought, and they shook their head.
“I want to die as much as the next person,” they answered, it was a safe choice. Their hood went on their head again and their horns were covered up and their hair, so was their heart if Mafuyu could read them this easily.
“I’m just Mizuki, why I left my clan is really not important.”
“It is when you have a broken horn. You fought something.”
“You are really observative, aren’t you?” Mizuki muttered bitterly. “But, Mafuyu, there’s nothing for you to concern yourself with. Let’s get food and get back, right? This talk of death makes me uneasy.”
Mafuyu hummed and glanced over at them. The silence was revolting and thick, she held out her staff and moved their head with it before pulling it back and away from them and towards her. She stabbed it into the ground, a subtle threat displayed.
“You know these foxes, you must know where to locate food,” Mafuyu settled on eventually. “Lead the way.”
Mizuki nodded and held their cloak closer to them, making sure that their locket was tied up tightly. That it was closed properly to avoid it falling off in front of Mafuyu and the others again, not that they thought they would judge if Mafuyu seemed to be thinking of death they were almost like outsiders that were suffering and banded together. Rejects that wanted to be found and wanted. Appreciated and fighting their way from the urge to die on their own because Hermits often did Mizuki supposed, they were not meant to be alone and isolated. Getting kicked out was a punishment, the harshest one but it didn’t work for them.
Save their family, they had no one so it hurt to not be with their sister or parents, but they had encouraged them to be true to themselves and if this was the price to pay, it was the price to pay to honour them. Mizuki didn’t exactly like people, people brought pain and didn’t understand them but maybe this group could.
It was laughable to think like that, but Mizuki needed to think of something hopeful to avoid panicking over whether or not Mafuyu would stab them in the back and reveal their secret. Not that she knew it exactly, she only saw their horns and that one was damaged. She didn’t know the full truth or their full history, but she knew enough to make Mizuki unsettled and wary of starting a friendship.
#
When they reached the cave again, Kanade was awake and humming under her breath softly looking at the lamp carefully. Staring into the burning depths of the light. Ena was still asleep at the entrance, snoring softly and burying deeper into herself, staff in her hand.
“Kanade,” Mafuyu greeted once they entered the dank cave. Mizuki watched the two of them talk for a moment, Kanade moving to remove her cloak so they could rest the forage that Mizuki and Mafuyu had acquired on there.
Her voice being empty was becoming soothing as the time went on, it was grounding and made their heart calm listening to her talk idly. Not that she talked much in all fairness, she was more silent and spoke when spoken too. When an answer was acceptable and even then, it was often curt and short. The longest she had spoken was when she accused Mizuki of wanting to die, but that had to be a long speech when you were talking to Mizuki who would avoid giving an answer if they could. Mafuyu must’ve realised that they would deny it to her since she did give up and they walked in silence which made Mizuki speak up instead to have something to occupy their mind.
Ena whimpered next to them as they sat in their original place from the night prior and she cracked open an eye, glaring up at them before throwing a rock at Mafuyu, avoiding Kanade. “Can you be quiet? Some people are trying to sleep.”
“Person, you mean. It’s only you, Ena.”
Ena gritted her teeth and huffed, looking away from Mafuyu and out into the world. Complaining as she cracked her back and felt her under eyes. She sighed and shook her head, yawning awake. “Morning, Ena,” they smiled over at her, and she glared at them.
“It’s too early to be chipper.”
“I’m not chipper,” they laughed, and Ena rubbed her face and eyes, yawning once more.
“You’re awake and alive, didn’t you go to sleep last night?” Ena asked carefully, scrutinising them.
“I did,” they confirmed, and Ena frowned.
“You went to sleep after me….”
“Look, I just woke up. I can’t go back to sleep otherwise you wouldn’t be seeing me at all and I wouldn’t see you.”
“You want to see me?” Ena questioned.
“It’s best not to make this whole thing awkward, right?”
Ena seemed to deflate at that before nodding along. “I suppose you are right Mizuki. So, how was getting food with Mafuyu?”
“It was something.”
“Did she tell you the exact way to skin a wild deer and how specific it is?”
“No, but I wish she did,” Mizuki admitted, and Ena gasped.
“How dare you!”
“Is there something wrong with that?”
“Yes?!” Ena cried out. “They’re innocent and don’t deserve that. God, how can you be so callous?!”
“I’m sorry?”
“You’re going to be. But I suppose you got us something that didn’t require killing of animals,” Ena shrugged, taking a strand of her hair and curling it around her finger.
“I know these plains pretty well. It was easy to do so.”
Ena opened her mouth in recognition and nodded along before laughing a little. She stared at them carefully and sleep had fully vanished, and she was interested in them, something dancing in her eyes. A gleam of happiness that unsettled Mizuki, there was no way, nor any reason for her to be happy seeing them. It was unbelievable and there was no way that was what within them, but each time they analysed her body language whilst Mafuyu and Kanade conversed, that was the only reasonable explanation that they could imagine and fathom.
It was unbelievable to think that Shinonome Ena was happy to see them but then there was something about abandoned Hermits that made them latch to one another. That made them need to be close to one another. There was an undeniable connection that made them all open up to one another and get close, that took pity on one another and made them dependent even if they all had thoughts of death and dying themselves. People with dark and twisted minds who were hated by society and life, who no one knew to trust and were alone in their society that needed them to be close to one another, they just naturally did it. Fell into a rhythm because there was an unspoken rule and connection between them, there was something there that led them to one another be it a higher power that had abandoned them long ago and took pity upon them. Be it magic that people said existed and festered within them, or be it something by another name, fate, destiny. There was a connection, a ruddy red ribbon that suffocated them and connected them to one another.
There was no denying that there was something there and Mizuki wanted to push them out, all of them. Keep them far away and fake it and maybe they could, Mafuyu knew something was wrong and it was dangerous but the thoughts of being with someone, having a partner to embark on journeys with was overwhelming. It was scary and daunting, you had to let people in and the last time, the last time scarred Mizuki and broke them, literally. They didn’t know they could do it again, but the soft smile and the excitement in Ena’s voice as she looked over at them and spoke about how the journey would take a day or two more was enough to almost convince them to stay.
To stay for as long as they could, watching her and making her happy. Making her the prettiest and most beautiful thing around that they wanted to collect and admire forever and ever. But they couldn’t do that, they couldn’t stay so as cruel as it was to entertain her fantasies, they did not have it within them, in the deepest darkest sections of their heart to stay and admire her. There was something that was missing between them, but they would entertain her fantasies a little longer, smiling and teasing her lightly. Shoving her lightly and forcing an overdramatic smile and lilt in their voice.
For the moment, as the sun began to peak over the horizon and melt the snow, Mizuki would entertain a childish dream. Would entertain the thought that someone could open or melt their heart, just the merest of fractions.
They were cruel and they had left for being true to themselves, and here they were lying but it felt so right to lie to her. To have her not see them as broken and be concerned for them. It was just something that they would dream about for a moment longer, sitting away from the others as they had breakfast with whatever they could forage with Mafuyu. Lingering in the darkness where they belonged before Kanade forced them closer and Ena made space next to her, shrugging easily in the darkness.
They thought of themselves as weak, not a fighter, but they were. Every minute with this group of people, with Mafuyu and her everlasting knowledge and thoughts, with her omniscient gaze that bore into them, with her dead voice that made them feel normal. With Kanade and her kindness, making sure Mizuki was always in the fray with a soft smile, trying to include them in conversations even though it probably didn’t work so well since they wanted to seem proper and rigid. And then Ena. Ena that kept close by to them, even on their walk after breakfast, slowing her pace to match there’s and whilst she didn’t say something, biting her lip and staring at them. She was always there.
Sometimes, there would be a soft brushing of the backs of their hands, and she would laugh and splutter, getting all haughty and riled up for no reason. For nothing logically. But it felt natural they supposed even if it was too quick, there was no good reason outside of the loneliness had seeped into them for so long and having acquaintances. The need to be around people like Hermits were meant to even if it went against their name.
That was how fate worked and society, quick and cruel as the snow became thicker and fresher. Their noses became redder and tinged, about to fall off before they slipped into a new cave and looked for any firewood. Something, anything, to make a house, a cave, a home for them.
#
The fire was beautiful, it was too cold for them and Ena to sit at the entrance, so now they were watching the flames crackle and burn. It was a nice noise within the comfortable silence they held between them, Ena smiling fondly at the flames.
“They’re pretty, aren’t they? I wish I could draw them.” She whispered in the darkness, her voice barely heard that any kind of wind would’ve swallowed it whole, and her dream would’ve disappeared.
Mizuki glanced over at her, but she was unmoving, and Mizuki thought they had imagined it. But they didn’t, they knew they didn’t. It was something that Ena said only for them to hear, and them alone even though Mafuyu and Kanade were sleeping softly and soundly. Their snores filling the cave that Ena had taken the only opportunity she could to speak up for them, to reveal something about her that made her more than someone to rile up who was alone when there was a partnership between Kanade and Mafuyu.
“You can draw them,” Mizuki returned, looking over at her. “I believe in you.”
Ena scoffed lightly. “How can you believe in me when you have never seen me?”
“Why should I doubt you? You’re you, you seem determined so if you want to draw it, I know you can do it,” Mizuki explained easily.
Ena pursed her lips unconvinced. There really was no reason her to believe Mizuki, they weren’t even close. They had spoken once or twice, maybe more, maybe less really. They had teased her once or twice, acting as though she was someone familiar before they clamped up and reminded themselves that they were basically strangers. Strangers united through a common goal of making it to a village.
Ena tapped the floor softly, “Tell me a tale.”
“A tale?”
“A story, I like the sound of your voice and I want to get to know you better, but you won’t let me, I think. So, a story should suffice- Hey, your hair is pretty,” Ena breathed out, reaching to touch a fallen strand.
They tensed; they stopped breathing as Ena twirled it before backing away. She placed her hands over her eyes, “You can fix it, you know? I guess you’re uncomfortable with it, but it’s a pretty pink.”
They froze for a moment, looking over at Ena who was staring at the cave floor, hands firmly pressed over her eyes, and they believed she was closing them too to make sure that she never saw anything. They smiled softly at her for the moment, tucking it behind their ear and pulling their hood over even further to prevent it from slipping back. Any further and she would’ve known, she would’ve known something more than they wanted her to know.
Mafuyu knowing was scary, but it made the girl comfortable. The two of them must’ve, along the way, struggled with identities within their own clan and then Kanade, she wasn’t the most out of tune to something being wrong with them, but she wasn’t aware of it almost. Though whenever Ena did manage to get Mizuki to speak, she looked over at them, almost analysing their voice before talking to Mafuyu softly, humming under her breath.
Ena knowing was scarier in a way, she knew something was wrong, but never called them out on it. She respected their boundaries even if she didn’t do so with the other members, particularly Mafuyu. The two of them winding up in pointless spats with harsh words and stares thrown to one another, with Ena nearly ripping her hair out and having to fix her hair hastily, the pearls no longer in the correct position and the front pieces pulled too far front. They were at odds to one another, they understood one another closely and Ena, if Mizuki had to guess, resented the fact that she understood Mafuyu with the snide comments she made whenever they inevitably fought.
But she didn’t understand Mafuyu with the topic of identity, there was something within them that ran deeper which meant how could Ena comprehend Mizuki and their own identity and struggles. People would say they would try and then only ridiculed Mizuki and then they were left familyless, not friendless because they had no friends to begin with as sad as it was to say that your family was your only friend.
There was probably information missing and Mizuki was jumping to painful conclusions, but it was natural to brace for pain with people.
Ena caring for their hair and boundaries made their heart feel warm and light, like there was hope and for the moment they believed it. Smiling to themselves giddily, excitedly and shaking their head softly before reminding themselves Ena couldn’t see them still and it was them and the fire alone.
“You can look now,” Mizuki instructed, and Ena slowly removed her hands and smiled. “Thank you, for that.”
“No problem. We’re friends and friends look out for one another.”
“Friends…”
“I mean, only if you want us to be. I would like to be friends though.”
They hummed for the moment and gave no response. “Back to that story, hm, why don’t I tell you about the sun and the moon.”
Ena looked offended and irritated, but realised she was getting somewhere with them and that it was progress. Who could look any scrap of progress in the face and refuse it because she wanted something else? No one and that was Mizuki’s plan. To deflect from an answer about being friends and hopefully, Ena would forget all about it and she wouldn’t press forward.
They doubted that because something ignited within Ena’s eyes, a new flame that wouldn’t burn out or die easily. A flame that could engulf the whole world if they let it do so and they were tempted to let it do so and burn themselves in the process, remind themselves that getting close to people hurt them and that they would surely die. To have the nice stinging feeling of pain return to them and their heart that felt a little too full and light. That felt a little too joyous.
“The sun and the moon,” Ena repeated. “Isn’t that a tale you tell children to tell them to not dream too big, that love is hard and troubling?”
“In some stories, for me… the sun amplifies the moon, and the moon orbits the sun. It’s something that other people would call incorrect, the moon and sun orbit us, but I think there’s something more to play.”
“Didn’t… Didn’t someone else say that I think. He was accused of being a warlock if I remember rightly from when we passed through a village briefly.”
“Probably, I tend to not explore much. I fill my lamp and go.”
“Of course, you do,” Ena spoke, amusement coating her tone as she shook her head fondly, a smile playing at her lips. “So, back to the sun and the moon.”
“Right, well I know in some places they are considered siblings. But I think they are lovers, lovers that are so devoted to one another that they would work together. Lovers that better themselves since the moon shows the suns shining light,” Mizuki explained offhandedly. “The moon shows us the beauty of the sun, and that was how they worked. Loves separated for whatever painful reason, so far apart that they can never meet but their love and duty to one another persists. It’s childish almost I suppose but comforting for some.”
“Are you a part of the some?”
Mizuki scoffed momentarily. “As if.”
Ena flinched but schooled her features into that of neutrality. Mizuki didn’t question it as she laughed stiffly, “I suppose you’re right. But it’s nice to dream and wish, isn’t it?”
“I understand why people would like it,” Mizuki admitted. “But the world isn’t meant for daydreaming and idyllic lives. It isn’t meant for me to dream and ponder about in that way.”
“I can say the same. The world isn’t made for the talentless Shinonome Ena.”
“I don’t think you’re talentless-“
“You don’t know me.”
“Yes, but I think you aren’t talented in what you want to be. Everyone had a talent somewhere even if it doesn’t align to their wants and their goals.”
Ena rolled her eyes and brought her knees to her chin. “What are you talented in then?”
Lying. Reading people. Perceptiveness. Deflection. Disappointment.
“Being me!” they exclaimed with too much happiness that they were able to write off as though talking about themselves and being themselves was something they loved. That honesty was something they loved and were adept in.
It wasn’t.
“That totally isn’t vain,” Ena deadpanned.
“But, Ena,” they pleaded momentarily. “Don’t you want to be adept in being you?”
“Not really if me is this talentless fraud surrounded by talented people like Kanade and Mafuyu.”
“What are they talented in?”
“Music and the likes. That’s why they always whisper to one another to create a song so we can go busking for something, anything to get more oil. You know Hermits don’t make any money from this and they… they get us what we need.”
“I would hate to be talented in music, I would over think every sound,” Mizuki admitted, and they logged it in their mind. It explained Kanade’s odd behaviour over the sound of their voice, she was good at picking up sound, so they needed to fake it really good.
“Probably, and then Mafuyu’s good at being a two-faced bitch,” Ena sighed, getting up and Mizuki followed like she was holding a leash and dragging them everywhere.
“The stars are pretty tonight, aren’t they?” Ena mused and Mizuki stared right at them. They swore they saw some movement next to them, but they looked up at the twinkling stars that were reminiscent of childhood dreams and pitiful wishes.
“Yeah, very,” Mizuki agreed, looking back at Ena, catching her head whipping to stare at them as they looked at her. Strange.
Ena hummed and shook her head. “Will you accompany us only to the village, or more?”
“The village, you know that’s what we agreed upon.”
“Then I think we need to cherish our time together.” Mizuki rolled their eyes at that but would entertain her for the next two days.
“So, stargazing each night?”
“Of course, who do you take me for?”
Mizuki shook their head exasperated with her but said nothing more or less. They looked out at the stars together and Mizuki wanted to capture them because they were so pretty, but they lost their lustre from the last time. Too far away to reach and collect they supposed…
#
Mafuyu messed with her staff bored whilst Mizuki and Ena got distracted by a litter of fox cubs, one of them instantly coming over to Mizuki and bonding with them as they laughed and smiled at it. Ena rolled her eyes, sat in the snow which would probably coat the back of her cloak and legging’s, feet hanging in the air because she had no proper footwear unlike them.
“I didn’t take you for someone to like animals and cute things. It’s strange.”
“Really? Is a girl not allowed to like cute things, Ena?” they teased lightly as the foxes curled up around them.
“A girl can, I just didn’t take you for it. It’s surprising since you’re pretty… you.”
“Are you trying to offend me, Ena?”
“Not at all.”
They looked away from her and sighed, they would have to move eventually. But they didn’t want to, the cold of the snow and the foxes was something they loved too much to want to leave. But they were no longer alone and that required sacrifices. Hopefully, they were there when Mizuki was gallivanting the world alone and on their own, but why did their heart ache at that?
#
The village was within sight, they were close and now the snow was fading out, it had been for a while no longer being so deep that they had to huddle around a fire for warmth and now they were there. Though Ena seemed to be dragging her feet, making it last longer as they walked in tandem the two of them, their teasing and conversations fizzling away from the air around them. Now there was a sad silence that covered and smothered them, that weighed them down and plagued their mind.
Ena sighed for a moment as they reached rocky pavement, and the village infected their ears. Loud cheering could be heard all around and it was suffocating and, admittedly, largely and pretty annoying. But they really made no comment whilst walking with Ena further in, irises lining the path and foxgloves.
“This is it, isn’t it?” Ena sighed softly once they broke into the village itself, the clinging of the blacksmith and the children’s laughter clogging their senses.
“It is…” they said sadly themselves. It was strange they didn’t mean to get closer to Ena, but it was something that felt necessary as they walked together, Kanade and Mafuyu off in their own world. Talking about whatever they could and they… they were both alone and needed someone. It was only fair that it wound up being them and Mizuki enjoyed it.
It was strange to enjoy spending time with Ena, but they did, and they learnt a lot about her. Like how she had a brother (who they fondly called Little Brother since Ena gave them no name for him) and that she had an artist for a father which probably explained her self-doubt. They had told her little about themselves, only that they liked the colour pink and that their hair was naturally wavy which she accepted readily before she talked about herself when silence fell between them.
Often, they would tease her, poke fun at her for anything. Teasing her which made her get angry and Mizuki realised that was their favourite expression of hers the way her mouth and eyes would widen in shock before closing and becoming slits. The way she would grit her teeth together and grumble very loudly about them. She would get all upset and frazzled and it was just utterly adorable and fun to them, stimulating really and it kept them interested when they were often considered too fickle for relationships and friendships. Too impatient and needing to move and break free for those relationships.
They walked side by side, Kanade and Mafuyu slipping off ready to sing in the centre with the poor excuse of a water fountain. Now they were alone, navigating the village side by side trying to delay the inevitable.
They wanted to run, to make it easier, but they couldn’t do it easily they supposed. Like poison, Ena had seeped into their blood and veins. Had made them addicted to her and whatever disgusting feelings plagued them that made them physically ill each time they thought about her and leaving. Every time they thought of her laughter or something more, maybe something less like a small nose scrunch and they wanted to stay. They had to fight themselves to not lock their knees together and look over at her.
“If I begged you to stay, would you?” Ena asked tearily, looking at them before they reached the shop to fill their lanterns. “If I cried and begged you to be with me. To stay with me. To stay with us. Would you consider it?”
They looked away from her and shook their head slightly. She walked ahead, not saying a word, racing to get the oil or whatever they needed for their lamps, it was all hazy to Mizuki as something suffocated them. As it made them struggle to breathe one more. As they took in deep breaths that felt as though they were shallow and Mizuki felt dizzy and like they were on a ship, swaying.
Ena got what she needed and tossed what Mizuki needed at them angrily. “Have a good day.”
Ena stormed away, stormed off to the other two and Mizuki watched her retreat. She paused before turning back and hugging them tight, getting close to their face that they could see each detail of her skin, see each eyelash as she got up to them, holding their hood tightly and firmly over their hair.
“I love you.”
Mizuki paused and turned their head, they laughed awkwardly. That sounded like a confession, but it couldn’t be, right? There was no way in hell that Shinonome Ena just confessed to them romantically, but she did as she pulled away and cupped their cheek, slipping under their hood softly. They tugged it forward a bit more as they looked down at her, at the way she was staring at them with pure love and adoration in her gaze.
“I….”
“You don’t have to say it back. I couldn’t let you leave without saying it though and denying myself what I’m feeling.”
Mizuki looked at her as she pulled back and walked away, missing the warmth of her hands on their cheeks before Ena slipped off into the crowd. And in a world where Hermit’s were dressed decadently, you expected them to find her to say something, anything, but they couldn’t. It was as though they could never find her again and she had slipped from their grasp like grains of sand falling between fingers.
They took in a deep breath and sighed; they wouldn’t say anything. Mizuki was never one for action and Ena would be the one that got away they supposed, and they would never cross paths with one another again, they hoped.
#
Hermits probably didn’t do cursing because they were cursed, they supposed. They hadn’t seen Ena in so long, there was no sign of her, or the others and Mizuki presumed they moved on, moved forward instead of retracing their steps as Mizuki set up in one of the old caves that they had been to together. It was a journey transporting their few meagre belongings to the new cave, but they had done it. In doing so, they needed a lamp top up faster than before which led them to the village where Kanade was there, eyes red and all alone, surrounded.
The people called out and cried out in anger and distaste, Mizuki wanted to walk by, but they couldn’t leave Kanade to suffer and struggle. That was just too cruel they supposed, so they fought their way to the front and stood next to the girl with fear dancing in her blue eyes.
She looked different, thinner for a fact, her cheeks were sunken in and her eyes haunted and scared. Her outfit was lined with twine rope now, no longer tawny ribbon around her thighs that matched them all.
“Okay, okay, I’m going to take her away from here,” Mizuki stated to the crowd, trying to placate them as they took Kanade by the shoulder’s and led her away and through the crowd. She followed along diligently until Mizuki found a small and dark alley to duck in and let go.
“What happened? Where’s Ena?”
“Ena… I failed…” Kanade whimpered out and Mizuki’s heart began to race. The walls felt like they were closing in on them and they couldn’t breathe.
“What do you mean?”
“Ena’s slated to be executed.”
There was a ringing in Mizuki’s ears, and they froze in place before racing off leaving Kanade alone, Kanade who didn’t realise the impact of what she had just said. Who was going to be alone in the cruel world with Mafuyu missing and Mizuki following along to wherever Ena was.
Their heels clicked on the floor, and their heart raced as they tried to locate the closest thing to a gallows to see Ena. But the crowd was gone, and they knew they were too late. Their hesitance to say something, anything, had led to this path of racing to the front of the crowd, battling the rich to see Ena and Mafuyu on the closest thing to a stage that was available.
Their heart was racing and Mafuyu seemed numb to the whole thing, no visible marks on her face, unlike Ena who had clearly fought this fate. Her lips were stained with blood and her hair was messy. Her eyes were glazed over with tears and not of disinterest as though she wasn’t there, Ena was aware of every feeling. Every tug of the rope, the burning around her wrists and in being aware she made eye contact with Mizuki and the desperation grew.
Her eyes widened in recognition, and she stopped in her track, tossing her head around to try and remove the makeshift muffle from around her mouth as Mizuki stared up at her in fear. The whip next to her cracked harshly and she continued on which meant Mizuki had to continue on. If they fought, couldn’t they get out together? If not, they would die together, and Mizuki had spent days without her in a world coated and smothered in grey this way…
They raced around the side to the stairs and hit someone with their staff as Ena managed to get the rope off around her mouth and gasp out.
She started to claw at the people as Mizuki waited for the perfect opportunity, forgetting to mind their back as someone disarmed them and hit them over the back of their head, their vision disappearing for a moment. They blinked blearily, swaying as they were forced on stage and orders were barked out aloud. Mafuyu walked past them, a sadness in her eyes they thought, and soon they were pulled up to the stage, their hood slipping down, and everything was exposed.
Ena didn’t watch, closing her eyes and crying as the rope began to be lowered and their heads were forced into it before it snapped shut.