Work Text:
“Have you ever felt like your world is sinking everytime you try to breathe? Like you’re on a rollercoaster but it derails and all that’s left is rubble. Like nothing matters except this one moment when you feel like you’ve failed everyone and everything around you.”
A sharp intake of breath.
A wavering voice.
A shivering figure.
“I wish I can be good enough for those around me. I wish I can be someone whom I’m proud of. I wish I can wake up everyday without wishing to go back to sleep forever.”
A warm hug.
Drooping eyelids.
A hand idly patting on orange locks.
“It sounds stupid, breaking down over something immature. I sound like a whiny kid. I am one. A fucking child who can’t accept his reality. That I’m just a normal person, and I can never beat talent. I want to keep fighting, to go against this stupid normal person fate that the world has put on me. But I’m just so fucking tired of fighting.”
The hug tightens.
The clock continuously ticks.
The world doesn’t stop for this moment.
“I’m sorry. For burdening you with this small problem. And making you listen to me whine and complain about stupid issues—“
“Don’t be sorry. Please.”
Akito feels droplets of cold, stray tears land on his shirt, dampening it. He feels a weak breath on his ears, reflecting the barely kept composure of the boy sitting behind him. The warm hug gets impossibly tighter, he struggles out a choke.
Akito looks up to find a pair of cloudy grey orbs staring at him, eyes lined with fresh tears. Stray droplets betray his otherwise seemingly neutral expression, and all Akito can think is why?
Why are you crying?
The whirring of the air conditioner can be heard.
The moon illuminates the room with a soft blue.
Toya’s so warm.
“…I’m crying for you.” Akito’s eyes widen slightly.
Why? He wants to beg. I’m not worth crying for.
He can’t get those words out properly. His throat feels constricted, his vision still blurry, his figure still too small. He can only stare as Toya lets his tears fall freely, looking at Akito as if he’ll turn into ashes at any moment.
Akito feels small in his arms.
“I’d be lying if I said it’ll be okay. I don’t know what the future holds, I don’t think I’ll be able to truly understand how much you’re hurting, I don’t know if one day you’ll be sitting here with the same pain in your heart again.” Toya takes a shaky breath. “But I promise that I’ll always be by your side. When you’re fighting against fate, when you’re in your lowest points, when it feels like the world is against you— I promise to face the world with you.”
Akito hiccups. The tears are uncontrollable now, continuously trickling down his face and staining Toya’s shirt as his heart aches at the sincerity in those words. He can’t understand why Toya is still here, why he’s still hugging him and why he hasn’t left this mess of a man to destroy himself.
Why would you stay by my side when I’ll destroy you one day? Why, why, why? He doesn’t feel himself saying it out loud, but it happens anyway.
Toya freezes for a moment. Then, “because I love you,” slips out of his mouth like it’s the simplest declaration in the world. The pure love in that one phrase breaks Akito, and he sobs in Toya’s arms.
“Let it all out. I’m here, I’m here. It’s okay. You don’t have to bottle up your feelings anymore.”
It’s so warm.
It’s so comforting.
He can finally rest in this safety.
He can finally be weak in Toya’s embrace.
“Thank… you.” He chokes out.
“Mm. If you’re tired, just sleep okay?”
Akito barely hears Toya’s words, eyes lined with tears and already half-closed. His body relaxes in the engulfing warmth, and his lips form a small smile for the first time that night.
Akito rests, and the voices stop.