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“I didn’t know you still smoked.” Aaron’s calm voice came from behind her. Emily took her first draw from the cigarette, allowing the nicotine and smoke to stop her from having to answer too quickly. Aaron watched as she exhaled the blue-grey smoke and looked wearily at him.
“Are you going to tell my mother?” Emily asked dryly, however Aaron noticed that it was without her usual humour or goodnatured sarcasm. He had noticed quite a few changes in Emily recently, changes that concerned him.
“Not this time,” Aaron remarked as he watched Emily continue to smoke. This time, he noticed the flash of gold paper that she was twisting in her free hand, as well as the slight tremble on her hand that was holding the cigarette.
He had noticed a lot of things about Emily recently.
A lot of things that concerned him. Greatly.
He wanted to ask her outright, to dig and pry into the secrets that she was clearly attempting to hide from the team, from him. However he knew Emily as well as he knew himself. Aaron knew that no matter what he asked her, she would not give any answer that was more than maybe one or two words. If that. Aaron was aware that Emily’s behaviour had changed recently, even if none of the others had noticed. He hadn’t heard any of them inquiring about her sudden lack of punctuality; something that Aaron knew the Ambassador had drummed into her from a very young age was the height of disrespect. Nor had they mentioned the skittish way she acted in the bullpen or in a precinct. Indeed, it was only within the closed confines of the jet, did she seem to relax. Speaking of the jet, he knew that she had been having nightmares. More than once, he was either woken or distracted from his files by the sound of her whimpering in her sleep or tossing and turning in her seat. Now she was smoking again. All of these shifts in behaviour pointed to one obvious conclusion; there was something terribly wrong.
Whatever this was, whoever this was, had left Emily not just worried or anxious. She was terrified. And that in turn, scared Aaron. Emily never gave any indication of fear. She wasn’t afraid when Reid was kidnapped and tortured by Hankel and his various personalities. She didn’t cower in the compound with Cyrus. Unlike him, she didn’t fear the Reaper’s blood lust. It just wasn’t in her nature to be scared. Everyone often joked and remarked about his inability to feel emotions but until recently, Aaron was more than slightly convinced that Emily was incapable of feeling fear.
Until now.
That was why he was so worried. Whatever or whoever had caused Emily to feel afraid, the threat had to be enormous. Something or someone more deadly than they had experienced. Something bigger than what the BAU had handled before. It was as if they were rushing headfirst into danger, a danger that none of them apart from Emily could see, but a danger that she refused to discuss, even if it could destroy them.
“Emily, what’s going on?” Aaron asked finally as Emily flicked some ash from the end of the cigarette. They both knew that she wouldn’t give him the answers he wanted but they also knew they had a way around it.
“I can’t tell you.” Emily replied. She wanted to tell Aaron however it was a risk that she couldn’t afford to take. Lauren was too much of a liability, too dangerous for the team to know about. If the team were to know, they would want to help. That was always the way things were done in the BAU; whenever shit hit the fan and one of them was in trouble or danger, the others would drop everything and be at their side to help them through.
However this time, if the team helped her, they would die. It wasn’t a possibility. It was a certainty.
“Can’t or won’t?” Aaron asked pointedly. He watched as Emily took another puff of her cigarette, a way for her to consider her answer and not blurt out the first thought that came into her head.
“Can’t.” Emily replied simply. “But even if I could, I wouldn’t.”
Aaron nodded at her honesty and decided to be more direct himself. “Are we in danger?”
“No,” Emily replied truthfully. She knew Ian; he was a firm believer in exacting vengeance against exactly the people who wronged him. He also took pride in being honest, to the point of detriment. He had earned his reputation years ago as a man of his word; whether for business, pleasure or revenge. If Valhalla or Ian Doyle said a word, he meant it. Ian Doyle’s word was his law. He told her outright.
“I don’t have a quarrel with them. However long that remains the case, is up to you.”
The BAU were safe.
For now.
“Are you in danger?” Aaron asked more directly. He watched as Emily flicked ash from the cigarette and took another draw. Another stall for time. Her hand tightened on the gold paper matchbox but Aaron could see a black shape on the front. Her grip made it difficult to determine some sort of logo.
“That depends,” Emily replied finally. Ian was always drawn to the dramatics, always insisted on having some clever word or phrase to punctuate his point. It was usually followed by a bullet to the kneecaps to emphasise said point. Honore de Balzac was an unexpected choice; ever the Irish patriot, Ian used to prefer an Oscar Wilde, James Joyce or Sean Heaney quote.
"Most people of action are inclined to fatalism and most people of thought believe in providence."
Would she be proactive; lead the fight to take him down with the potential of dying with him or would she wait until the BAU team would be forced to intercede to save her? It was her choice. Even though they both knew that she would be forced to make a choice a lot quicker than she would expect to. Her life. Or the team’s.
“Depends on what?” Aaron asked as Emily took a final drag of her cigarette and stamped the butt of it beneath her shoe.
“Whether or not these cigarettes kill me first.” Emily replied as she walked back inside. Aaron watched her go and knew that it was pointless to pursue the conversation further. The walls around Emily had been closed up tight once more and none of them would be able to break them down, not even him. Instead, all Aaron would be able to do would be to wait. Wait for Emily to extend that request for help. Then, and only then, would he be able to help her. Until then, all he could do was respect her request and keep a closer watch on her. If in fact it turned out that she was in danger, then he would be able to help her.
For now, all they could do was wait.
And hope that whatever was coming for them, was something that they would be able to survive.