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“Oh baby…” TK sighs as he walks through the ER, over to his husband.
Carlos is lying on a gurney with his awfully bruised left leg propped up on some pillows.
“What happened? Detective Washington said you fell?” TK asks.
“I fell chasing a suspect, the ground was uneven I guess,” he pauses. “Sarina called you?” Carlos rolls his eyes.
“Obviously she did. It doesn’t look like you were going to. You’ve been acting weird for a while now, what’s going on?,” TK places his hands on his hips, staring at his husband, waiting for a response.
“I’m just tired, okay? And my leg is probably fine, they’ll X-ray it and say it’s just sprained or something,” Carlos shrugs.
TK takes a closer look at the bruising on Carlos’ leg, “that’s broken.”
Carlos stays silent and TK takes his hand, it’s not the time to argue. TK honestly doesn’t know why they are arguing, something about hospitals just makes the tensions a little high.
“Mr Reyes,” a doctor pulls back the curtain with a smile. “So the paramedics said you fell, could you tell me a little more?”
“Yeah, um… I was chasing a suspect, I guess I just lost my balance or the ground was uneven. I went down on my leg pretty hard,” Carlos explains.
The doctor quickly writes some notes and takes a look at Carlos’ leg, noting down some other things, “any previous pain or issues with the leg?”
Carlos is quiet for a moment and TK squeezes his hand, “you okay, baby?”
“I’ve had a bit of pain in that leg for a few weeks I guess, I think I just pulled it when working out though,” Carlos says.
The doctor says something to a nurse and then turns back to TK and Carlos, “alright, we’re going to send you for an X-ray. Your husband can stay here whilst we take you down, it won’t be long.” The doctor tucks his pen in his pocket and hands his notes off to a nurse before the nurse steps in and begins to move the gurney.
“I’ll be here,” TK kisses Carlos’ forehead, “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Carlos whispers.
Tk wanders out to the waiting room, fidgeting with his wedding ring as he stares at the clock on the wall. Why hadn’t Carlos told TK his leg had been hurting before he fell? He’s been in pain for weeks. Why was Carlos so annoyed that Detective Washington had called TK? He sighs and sits down in a nearby chair. It’s hard not to spiral with a million theories when your husband is clearly hiding something.
A while passes before he decides that he needs to go back and wait for Carlos. He wanders back through the ER waiting room and to the cubical where Carlos had been. He paces for the remainder of the wait until the nurse comes back around the corner with Carlos in the gurney.
Carlos looks tired. TK hasn’t noticed that before. The warm glow that usually envelopes his husband is gone. Something is different.
“Hey, you doing okay?” TK immediately takes his hand and brings it to his lips, placing a gentle kiss on his knuckles.
“Yeah, they said they will be back with the results of the X-ray in a while,” Carlos says, looking up at TK.
TK runs his hand through Carlos’ curls, “when were you planning on telling me your leg was hurting you?”
“It was nothing TK, just a pulled muscle. Stop worrying.”
“Carlos…” TK trails off as the doctor rounds the corner.
Carlos stares at his leg. It isn’t just a pulled muscle. He knows what it is, and he’s terrified. The lump was there two weeks ago. The moment he had felt it, and the pain before that, which at the time he did actually believe what he’s now trying to convince himself is the truth. Just a pulled muscle. He was showering after work, singing loudly to some song which he can’t really remember now. TK wasn’t home yet. He had scrubbed the soap over his right leg, everything felt fine. Then the left leg. He’d winced in pain, going back over the spot to confirm what he’d just felt. After that came the conscious effort each day to hide the limping that seemed to come with the growing pain. Carlos knows what he’s about to be told.
“We found a tumor, Mr Reyes,” the doctor repeats. Carlos hadn’t been listening. It’s not like he needs to. He feels TK’s grip on his hand become like a vice.
“Is that the cause of the break?” TK asks, quietly.
“The tumour has weakened the bone in his lower left leg, meaning yes, it is more likely to break,” the doctor explains, turning back to Carlos, “the next steps are to biopsy your leg to determine the stage as well as an MRI and CT. Once all that is done, we’ll put your leg in a cast to heal the break just as we normally would.”
Carlos just nods, he doesn’t know if he can’t speak or simply doesn’t want to. He wants to keep ignoring it. But TK knows now so there’s no acting like everything is okay.
TK and the doctor keep talking. They don’t stop for a while. Carlos doesn’t pay attention.
“It’ll be okay, baby. I’m going to be here through it all. I love you. I love you so so much,” TK says, holding Carlos close.
Carlos looks at him, the doctor has gone. He doesn’t know when the conversation stopped and he left, but it’s just him and TK. TK is crying.
“Do you want to call your mom?” TK asks, wiping his tears.
Carlos shakes his head, “not yet.” His voice is barely there.
“You sure? She’d want to be here,” TK says.
Carlos knows he’s trying to help, and he’s right, she would want to be there, but the idea of telling his mom that her only son has cancer only a year after his father was murdered, just the thought of it makes him want to throw up.
“Can we just wait, please?” Carlos says, sounding a little frustrated now.
TK stays silent and runs his fingers through Carlos’ hair, lingering there for a moment when he realises that he probably won’t be able to do that for much longer.
TK hates the waiting that comes next. He’s sat alone for a few hours whilst Carlos is taken away for all the tests and scans. He doesn’t want to call anyone because this is Carlos’ news to tell and it’s doesn’t seem like Carlos wants people knowing. So TK is alone, just him and his mind. At one point, Detective Washington calls, wanting an update on Carlos. TK quickly lies saying that everything is fine, just a long wait and that Carlos is being put in a cast now.
It’s around 7pm when a new doctor shouts for TK in the waiting room and he follows him back to where Carlos is waiting.
Carlos looks to TK with a soft smile and reaches out for his hand.
“Did it go okay?” TK asks, glancing at Carlos’ lower left leg that is now encased in a dark blue cast.
Carlos nods, watching the doctor flip through a few notes. “This is the oncologist, babe,” Carlos whispers to TK.
Oncologist. So this is really happening, TK thinks to himself.
“So the biopsy has been sent to the lab. As for the scans, the tumor is quite large but the good news is, the cancer hasn’t spread to anywhere else just yet which makes this easier to treat,” the doctor explains. “Once we know what we’re dealing with when the lab results come back we will be able to start you on the right treatment. This will likely mean chemotherapy to shrink the tumor to hopefully make surgery easier.”
Carlos takes a deep breath, trying not to cry. He wants to focus on the good. It hasn’t spread yet, they caught it early enough. But it does doesn’t change how scared he is, he still has cancer.
“For now, you can go home, rest and we’ll make an appointment for you tomorrow at 2pm in the oncology unit,” the doctor says.
When the doctor leaves, the same nurse who has been helping Carlos the whole time comes in holding a pair of crutches and TK steps back allowing her to help Carlos get used to them and adjust the height to fit Carlos.
After signing a few papers, they finally make their way out of the hospital and to TK’s car. There’s no conversation. Neither one of them wants to break the silence and possibly set the other off crying. They don’t even turn the radio on for the drive home.
It’s dark when they get home, and TK carefully helps Carlos navigate from the car to their building. Carlos stumbles a bit at first, still getting used to the crutches but he makes it to the elevator and they get up to the apartment.
“Get settled on the couch, I’ll make us some dinner,” TK finally speaks as he unlocks the door.
“I’m not hungry,” Carlos replies, making his way inside and dropping onto the couch.
“I know baby, but you need to eat something. When did you last eat?” He asks, kicking off his shoes.
Carlos rolls his eyes, “breakfast this morning, I didn’t have time at work.”
“Okay, so you’re having dinner, it’s not up for debate, Carlos. You need to keep your strength up.”
“Because I’m dying, I know. You don’t need to remind me,” Carlos snaps.
“Baby, you’re not dying, like the doctor said, they caught it early,” TK turns around, closing the fridge with ingredients in his hands.
TK begins cooking. The silence is deafening before Carlos turns on the TV. TK glances over, Carlos isn’t really watching. He’s looking at it but Carlos is somewhere else.
The pasta and vegetables don’t take long and soon enough TK has dished up a serving into each bowl and carries them over to the couch. Carlos takes the bowl and fork, staring at the contents for a moment.
“Sorry it’s nothing exciting,” TK sits down next to him.
Carlos takes a bite, “it’s good. Thank you.”
There still isn’t much conversation as they eat. The TV plays in the background but they don’t watch it, both of them are too busy thinking. The bowls of food end up placed on the coffee table, half eaten.
Carlos doesn’t look at TK but he finally decides to say something. “I’m sorry I wasn’t going to call you today… I knew deep down it was more than a broken leg, I just…” he trails off.
“I know, baby. It’s okay,” TK says, turning off the TV.
He looks at TK with tear filled eyes, “I’m so scared.” As soon as he finishes his sentence, he starts to cry and TK pulls him close, holding him so tight.
“Me too. It’s okay, it’s okay. We’ll figure it out,” TK cries.
Over the next few days, Carlos has a couple of appointments to discuss his treatment and have more tests. TK goes with him to all of them, calling in sick to work pretending that he has the flu. He knows Carlos doesn’t want their friends knowing yet, he hasn’t even spoken to his mom.
Carlos is laid on the couch, where he has been for most of the time since he was diagnosed, both because he can’t easily move around with the cast, and the fact that he really doesn’t want to leave the loft unless he has to. He holds his phone, his finger hovering over his mom’s number.
TK is out getting groceries. The fridge and cabinets have become pretty bare since Carlos’ diagnosis. If TK isn’t at work, he’s at home, making sure Carlos is okay and safe.
Carlos taps on his mom’s number and let’s it ring.
“Carlitos!” He hears his mom. She sounds so happy to hear from him.
“Hey mom,” Carlos says, quietly.
“How are you doing? How’s TK?”
“TK is good, he’s at the store right now.”
“No work today? Are you okay?”
Carlos sighs, his mom should really have been a detective too, she always know when something isn’t quite right. “That’s why I’m calling… I need to tell you something.”
“You’re making me nervous, mijo.”
“I broke my leg at work and-“
“What?! How?!”
“I fell, chasing a suspect. But the reason it broke so easily is because there’s a tumor in my leg, a big tumor,” Carlos explains.
His mom is silent for a few seconds. “Cancer?” Is all she says when she finally finds her words.
“Yeah…” Carlos trails off.
“Whats the plan?”
He can hear she’s crying now but she’s straying to hide it, Carlos can tell by her tone of voice. “Well, I start chemo in a few days and then once it shrinks a little they will try to operate. There’s the risk of needing amputation but I’m trying to ignore that right now.”
“Text me the date and time of your first session, I need to be there,” she says quickly.
“You don’t need to, mom, it’s going to be rough and TK will be there, I won’t be on my own,” he pauses, wiping his tears. “You… You don’t need to see me like that.”
“You’re my son, Carlitos. I will be there whether you want me there or not,” Andrea says, her voice now reminding him of when he was little and wasn’t doing as he was told, she isn’t asking, she’s telling.
He sighs, smiling a little, “I’ll see you there then.”
A few days later and the dreaded day arrived. The chemo port that was placed at a previous appointment is itchy and Carlos hates it. It catches on his clothes and pokes out the top a little for everyone to see. He also hates that the drugs to stop him from dying are about to make him look like he is dying. He can already anticipate the looks of sympathy when people see he’s sick. TK has been giving him those looks recently. He misses when his husband would look at him with desire and excitement. The love is still there but there’s also fear and worry now. Carlos hates it.
“How you feeling?” TK asks, sitting down in the chair opposite the armchair where Carlos is sat.
“I’m okay, it hasn’t really made me feel any different yet, but I guess that will change pretty quickly,” Carlos sighs, looking down at the port. There’s a thin tube running from the small port on his chest, up to a bag on an IV pole.
TK opens the plastic bag he’d been carrying and pulls out a bottle of water and a few different snacks, “they didn’t have many options at that store we passed on the way in.” He shows Carlos the couple of options of bags of chips and a couple of granola bars.
“Don’t worry, those are great.”
TK moves the chair closer to Carlos and Carlos rests his head on TK’s shoulder. He presses a kiss into Carlos’ curls, “your mom will be here soon, she called me whilst I was walking back.”
Carlos sighs, “she really didn’t need to come.”
“She’s your mom, Carlos,” TK takes Carlos’ hand and runs his thumb over Carlos’ knuckles.
As if on cue, Carlos looks up to see his mom coming around the corner.
“Carlitos!” She smiles, trying to be as quiet as possible to not disturb the other patients who are sat in other areas of the room hooked up to similar medications.
“Hi mom,” Carlos melts into her hug. He desperately wants to protect her from seeing him like this, she’s been through enough in the past year but he can’t lie, he’s glad she’s here.
Andrea turns to TK and pulls him in. “How are my boys doing?” She asks as she begins to pull things out of the two large shopping bags she’d just placed down next to Carlos.
“We’re okay,” Carlos smiles.
“Don’t try to lie to me, mijo,” she pauses and turns to TK, “how has he been? Has he been following the doctors orders?”
“Mom…” Carlos tries.
“Hush,” she glares at her son and looks back to TK.
Andrea pulls a blanket from one of the bags and tucks it over Carlos. He sees an older lady sat in a chair across the room smiling watching the whole interaction.
“I’ve been keeping an eye on him, don’t worry. He’s been resting, we’ve been to all his appointments, he’s been taking his meds,” TK says and Andrea relaxes a little.
“Thank you for looking after him, TK,” she smiles.
TK fetches a chair for Andrea and the two continue to chat quietly whilst Carlos falls asleep.
A few hours pass and Carlos is beginning to feel the side effects. The nurse comes back and unclips the thin tube from Carlos’ port. “That’s your first round of chemotherapy finished. We’ll see you again for your second one in 2 weeks, okay?” the nurse smiles.
“Thank you,” Carlos says, sleepily.
“Let’s get you home, baby,” TK presses a kiss to Carlos’ temple as the nurse walks away and TK begins to gather their belongings.
Andrea hugs Carlos tight, “remember, if either of you need anything just call me.”
“We will do, mom,” Carlos says.
“Both of you get some rest,” she hugs TK, “that means you too, you look tired TK.”
TK laughs, “thanks Andrea.”
They part ways with Andrea and Carlos follows behind TK, hopping with his crutches. They get to the car before the nausea kicks in. Carlos groans and curls up in his seat, waiting for TK to get in the car and take them home.
TK gets in and looks across to Carlos, “you okay?”
“I feel sick,” Carlos says, quietly. Carlos has never thrown up in-front of TK, he knows it’s inevitable with this treatment but he can’t shake how nervous he is, TK has barely seen Carlos catch a cold.
“We’ll be home soon, it’s okay, baby,” TK places a hand on Carlos’ leg and Carlos takes his hand.
“Thank you,” Carlos says, quietly.
“For what, baby? I didn’t do anything,” TK raises his eyebrow.
Carlos squeezes TK’s hand, “for being here. I know I tried to act like I could do it without you and mom but I don’t think I could have.” Carlos starts to cry.
“Carlos, I will be here through all of it. In sickness and in health, baby. That’s what we vowed,” TK brushes the tears from Carlos’ cheeks.
“I love you,” Carlos sniffs.
“I love you too.”
TK starts the car and Carlos begins to fall asleep again as they drive back to the loft.
Once they arrive, TK gently runs his hand through Carlos’ hair, “we’re home, baby.”
Slowly and sleepily, Carlos makes his way, using his crutches, into their building and up the elevator. He slumps on the couch as soon as they get in the loft, leaning his crutches next to him.
“TK…” Carlos says. He sounds exhausted and TK’s heart breaks.
“What’s wrong?” TK calls from the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water.
“Come here.”
TK walks over with a bottle of water, a trash can and some blankets that he’d just taken from the dryer, still a little warm. “What do you need?” He places the trash can next to Carlos and lays a blanket over him.
“You,” Carlos pats the space next to him on the couch and TK sits down, pulling him close.
They stay like this for a while. At one point, TK turns on the TV and they get through around half an episode of Grand Designs before Carlos’ nausea gets worse and he grabs the trash can, hugging it close, still leaning against TK. TK feels Carlos’ whole body convulse with a violent retch and then sobbing.
“Shhh, I’m here. Let it out, baby,” TK whispers, rubbing circles into Carlos’ back.
The vomiting thankfully doesn’t last long and once Carlos has calmed down, TK carefully helps him to their bed.
Carlos still feels too sick to sleep though. At this point he doesn’t know if the nausea is from the chemo or the fact that he’s so fucking scared.
“I’ll be back in a minute,” TK smiles, kissing Carlos’ forehead.
Carlos scowls, he can see a mischievous grin on TK’s face, which seems odd given the circumstances.
A few minutes later, TK returns with a black sharpie in his hand.
“TK,” Carlos glares at him, “what are you doing?”
TK pulls away the comforter covering Carlos’ cast encased leg. He pulls off the cap of the sharpie and settles next to Carlos’ leg. He puts the sharpie to the cast and begins to doodle.
Carlos rolls his eyes and then leans over to get a closer look, “Tyler…”
“Mmhmm,” TK looks up from his masterpiece for a second, the biggest smile painted across his face.
Carlos didn’t realise he could love this man anymore than he already does. Carlos has so much love for TK, and yet there still seems to be more for him to find, more moments like this where Carlos is at his lowest and TK still finds some way to make him forget about it all. He watches as TK draws tiny hearts on the cast. Then he draws tiny stars, some of them a little wonky but it’s adorable.
Carlos smiles as TK begins to draw two small stick men, and something smaller next to them. Carlos squints, trying to figure out what it is that TK is drawing, “so that’s us. But what’s that?” He points to the tiny blob next to the two stickmen.
“It’s Lou!” TK pulls the sharpie away, looking at Carlos, somewhat offended.
Carlos rolls his eyes.
“You don’t even recognise your own child,” TK sighs, smirking a little as he goes back to drawing.
“YOUR child,” Carlos laughs.
“He didn’t mean that, Louis The Second!!!” TK shouts across the loft.
Carlos winces, his head aching.
TK looks up, the laughter falling away. He caps the sharpie and crawls up the bed, “sorry, sorry.”
“It’s okay, my head just hurts a little,” Carlos leans against TK as TK lies next to him.
“Get some sleep, baby,” TK whispers.
Carlos nods, “just don’t draw anything inappropriate on my leg whilst I sleep.”
“No promises,” TK gently kisses Carlos, running his fingers through his curls. “I love you.”
Very quickly, their old routine falls away and this new one takes its place over the next few weeks. TK continues working, and then calls in sick or uses his unpaid holiday every two weeks to go with Carlos to chemotherapy. Carlos tells him multiple times that he doesn’t need to ‘waste’ his holiday like that but to TK it isn’t a waste, any time spent with his husband isn’t a waste, even if it is spent in the chemotherapy suite of the hospital or holding a trash can as Carlos pukes from the chemicals being pumped into him.
Today is a day Carlos has been looking forward to though, finally the cast is coming off his leg. It’s been six long weeks and although he will still need the crutches thanks to the tumor, he won’t have a massive blue cast attached to him.
As Carlos gets ready to leave, he can hear TK calling in sick to work in the other room. Getting ready to leave the loft doesn’t take as long anymore, given his haircare routine is none existent. He shaved his head a couple of weeks ago and now the slight stubble is becoming patchier and patchier by the day.
Carlos slips on his plaid shirt hearing TK’s footsteps approach the bedroom.
“I think we might have to tell the 126 what’s going on soon…” TK fidgets with his hands, something Carlos knows means TK is nervous.
“Why? If it’s about your time off, like I said, I can go on my own,” Carlos says as he buttons his shirt.
TK shakes his head, “they’re getting worried, they know something is going on. Especially my dad, I didn’t even miss shifts when I was deep into my addiction back in New York, they know something is up. I don’t think we can keep it a secret for much longer. Plus Nancy has been hassling me to organise another Catan night…”
Carlos sighs, “we’ll tell them soon, okay. And maybe say yes to the Catan night, we can maybe tell them then? Just, not today.”
“Of course,” TK plants a kiss on Carlos’ lips. “I love this shirt,” TK says before kissing him again, running his fingers over the soft fabric.
“Thank you,” Carlos smiles into the kiss. TK’s kisses are the perfect distraction from everything, almost too distracting when he sees the time and realises they’re running late. “We need to leave, babe.”
For the first time in a while, they listen to music on their car ride to the hospital, they chat about mundane things like the weather and a few weird calls TK has had at work recently. It all feels a little more normal for a second. Whenever Carlos is going to get chemo, TK is so cautious around Carlos, not wanting to upset him or exhaust him, but today is a good day.
Carlos breathes a sigh of relief as the cast is cut and cracked from his leg. The air getting to his skin for the first time in weeks feels great.
This is the first time TK has seen Carlos’ leg without as much swelling from the break. As the nurse tidies everything away, TK takes a closer look, and Carlos points to the lump. It’s grown since Carlos last saw it too.
TK tries to hide his shock and fear when he first sees it, but it doesn’t take a detective to work out the look on TK’s face. “It… It looks sore,” he manages to say. It’s a pretty empty statement, TK knows it’s sore, it’s cancer. But what else is he supposed to say whilst staring at the massive tumor that’s growing inside his husband.
Carlos just nods and TK takes Carlos’ hand. Carlos knew it had been growing this entire time. When he woke up one morning a week or so ago, he could feel it getting uncomfortable in the cast, his skin rubbing against the inside, that was evident by the redness on top of the lump where it was irritated. He hadn’t mentioned it though, TK is scared enough.
The nurse discusses with Carlos what he has to expect as his leg continues to recover from the break and it doesn’t take long before they are out of there and heading home.
“I’m gonna go shower, my leg is kinda gross after being in that cast for weeks,” Carlos laughs halfheartedly as they get into the loft.
“You need any help?” TK says, kissing him on the cheek.
“I can do it myself, we don’t have to worry about the cast now,” Carlos pauses, smirking, “you can still join me though.”
TK smiles, kissing Carlos, carefully unbuttoning Carlos’ shirt.
Carlos leans his crutches next to the shower and TK turns on the water. It isn’t the sexiest as Carlos carefully gets undressed, trying not to fall without the support of his crutches. He is exhausted, and in pain. “TK,” he says quietly.
“Yes, baby,” TK turns around. He’s already naked, lighting a candle on the other side of the room and turning on a small speaker. He flicks through his phone for a moment, finding some nice music.
“I don’t think I have the energy to do anything… but we can just be in there together,” Carlos looks at him. He looks like he’s about to cry, leaning against the shower.
“It’s okay, whatever you need,” TK kisses him again and holds his hands out for Carlos to take.
Carlos takes TK’s hands immediately and uses them for support as he limps into the shower. The warm water falls over both of them and TK pulls Carlos close. Between the steam and the warm water, the aching in Carlos’ body eases a little and he sighs softly. He doesn’t get much relief from the pain usually, the medication doesn’t do a lot and his next chemo session in a few days will completely wipe him out again so he cherishes this feeling.
TK reaches for the soap and squeezes some onto his hand. He rubs his hands together a little, creating a lather and starts to wash Carlos’ chest.
Carlos keeps one hand on the wall, trying to keep most of his weight on his good leg. He closes his eyes and just focuses on TK’s hands moving over his body. TK washes every part of Carlos’ body but then he stops when he gets to the bad leg.
Carlos opens his eyes, looking down at TK, “you okay? You don’t have to do this.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” TK says, quietly.
“You won’t, it’s okay,” Carlos smiles.
TK squeezes some more soap onto his hands and begins to wash Carlos’ leg. Tears burn the corners of his eyes as he feels the lump under his fingers and feels Carlos’ body tense. TK is careful not to miss any of the dust from the plaster, washing off any of the dirt that had caught under the cast.
TK turns the water back up once he stands.
Carlos pulls him close. “Thank you,” he whispers as the soap suds fall to the shower floor.
Carlos grabs the shampoo and squeezes some onto his own hand and begins to run his fingers through TK’s hair.
“Baby, what’re you doing?” TK looks at him, tears mixing with the water.
“You just washed my whole body. I can’t do a lot for you, but I can do this,” he moves his free hand to TK’s waist and TK helps him stay upright.
Once Carlos finishes with TK’s hair, TK quickly cleans himself and then goes back to holding Carlos. He pulls him in. They listen to the music and enjoy the soft pitter patter of the water hitting the tiles that accompanies it.
After a while, once it feels more chilly than comforting, TK turns off the water and reaches for a towel hung by the shower. He takes it and dries Carlos’ arms so they can easily slip into the forearm crutches that TK then passes to him.
TK waits for Carlos to steady himself with the crutches and then carefully wraps him in a big, fluffy white towel. He closes the toilet lid and nods to Carlos, “sit.”
Carlos looks exhausted and it scares TK a little. Carlos never looked sick or tired, in the past. Carlos didn’t get sick. So seeing Carlos so sick is such a new and terrifying experience to TK.
He quickly dries himself and pulls on a hoodie and sweatpants. He then turns his attention back to Carlos. It’s only midday, the appointment was early in the day, but Carlos’ eyes are already drifting closed as he sits there. Carefully, TK helps him stand and gently dries him as well. “Shall we go to bed? We can watch a movie on your laptop,” TK asks as he pulls a T-shirt over Carlos’ head and helps him step into a pair of boxers then sweatpants. Carlos just nods.
Carlos grabs his crutches and makes his way to the bedroom.
“I’ll be there in a moment,” TK calls, quietly closing the door.
TK grabs his towel and somewhat dries his hair with it. Then he stops and drops the towel to the floor. His cheeks burn and he begins to cry, looking down at the wedding ring on his finger. He has spent the last six weeks trying to remind himself that the doctor said it hadn’t spread, it’s just the one tumor. Just the one tumor. There shouldn’t be any tumors - not in his beloved husband. TK covers his mouth so Carlos can’t hear him crying.
When TK finally leaves the bathroom, Carlos is tucked under the comforter and has his laptop on the bed, sleepily scrolling through movies and series’ on their watchlist. “You okay? You were a while in there.”
“Yeah, I’m good. I’ll grab us some snacks. What are we watching?” He smiles, as best as he can for someone who was just bawling.
The two lay, tucked in the covers together, wrapped in each others arms. They aren’t really focused on the movie that Carlos had chosen. Carlos has his head on TK’s chest and their fingers are intertwined.
“We’ll tell them tomorrow. Tell them games night is on,” Carlos says.
“Hm?” TK looks at him, shocked at the sudden conversation.
“I want to tell our friends tomorrow.”
TK squeezes Carlos’ hand, “you sure?”
Carlos nods, “they need to know.’ He pauses, looking up at TK now, “and you need to tell Owen and Tommy tomorrow...”
TK doesn’t say a lot in the message to their friends, just sending a time for everyone to arrive and a short shopping list of snacks that they haven’t got in.
“Do you want to come with to tell Tommy and my dad tomorrow?” TK asks, putting his phone away.
Carlos shakes his head, “I think one tough conversation is enough in one day… I trust you.”
TK goes to work the next morning as normal, reminding everyone to come over to the loft later that evening. He acts like it’s going to be a normal game night but he has no idea if they will even play Catan tonight.
TK watches as Tommy goes back to her office after a call and he follows shortly behind her, nervously knocking on her door.
“Hey TK, what can I do for you?” Tommy smiles.
TK runs his hands together nervously, toying with his wedding ring again. He’s quiet for a few seconds.
“TK, what’s wrong?” Tommy presses, watching the paramedic pace.
“C- Carlos…” he stutters, taking a deep breath. “Carlos has cancer.”
Tommy stands up and walks around her desk to TK, pulling him close. “TK… Why didn’t you say anything?”
“That’s… Thats the first time I’ve said that out loud. Oh my god… my husband has cancer.” TK breaks. He begins to sob. “It’s only in his leg right now, and he’s been having chemo, that’s why I’ve been taking days off, to look after him.”
Tommy is silent, holding TK close as he cries.
As his sobs subside, Tommy breaks the silence and TK pulls away, “have you told anyone else?”
TK shakes his head, “I’m going to tell dad when fire get back from their call… and we’re telling everyone else tonight. He should be okay, it hasn’t spread but… we’re just scared.”
“Understandably…
“I can still keep working, we have a mortgage and other bills to pay. Carlos just felt it was time to tell everyone,” TK sits down on the small chair opposite Tommy’s desk.
She sits down too. “I know Judd doesn’t join for your game nights…”
TK laughs slightly, “yeah he isn’t really into the game we play… Could you tell him and Grace, please?“
“Of course. Now when are Carlos’ next chemo sessions? Let’s figure out your work schedule so you don’t need to worry about calling in.”
Together, they figure out a way for TK to keep working whilst also being there for Carlos. There are multiple points where Tommy suggests TK take a longer period of leave but TK refuses, he needs the distraction.
The rest of the day is a blur the conversation with his father is very similar to that with Tommy. A lot of tears.
This was one of TK’s most exhausting days at work, and it wasn’t even because of the work. He’d have taken any amount of bizarre and hectic calls over ever having to have that conversation again, but now he’s going home to do it all again with their best friends.
He slides open the loft door and he sees Carlos in the kitchen, one hand holding the countertop keeping himself steady, the other chopping carrots into sticks. There’s a few snack bowls on the table, surrounding the game of Catan.
“Hey baby, what’re you doing?” TK asks, tossing his backpack to the ground next to the door.
“Getting snacks ready for tonight,” Carlos smiles, sleepily.
TK wanders over and wraps an arm around Carlos waist. “You should be resting.”
Carlos rolls his eyes, handing off a few task to TK as he will admit, it’s taking a lot longer to set up than it used to.
It isn’t long before they hear knocking on the door and TK opens the door to see Marjan, Paul, Nancy and Mateo all stood beaming with excitement to finally get back to their beloved game.
“Hey guys, come on in,” TK smiles but not really matching their energy.
“Where’s your husband? He’s been working too much to-“ Nancy begins as she pushes past TK, but the four stop in their tracks. They see Carlos in the kitchen, gripping onto a bowl of snacks with one hand, one of his crutches supporting him in the other.
“What happened to you? And why do you have no hair?” Mateo asks.
Carlos limps over, placing the bowl on the table and falls onto the couch, taking a few deep breaths as the pain flares up his leg.
Paul sits down next to Carlos. “Are you sick?”
“Sit down, guys,” TK gestures to the rest of the group. He sits the other side of Carlos and takes his hand.
“I fell at work a few weeks ago. I broke my leg,” Carlos starts. He takes a deep breath, “but they found a tumor when they were looking at the break.”
“You’re dying?” Marjan asks, quietly.
Carlos shakes his head with a halfhearted laugh, “hopefully not.”
“Hopefully?” Nancy repeats.
“It hasn’t spread from my leg,” Carlos shrugs. “So yeah… hopefully.”
There’s an awkward silence, everyone looks like they’re on the verge of tears but no one starts crying. Carlos is holding it together for everyone else and everyone else is holding it together for Carlos.
“Shall we play Catan?” Carlos asks, quietly.
They play Catan. No one brings up Carlos’ cancer again but Carlos can feel everyone’s eyes on him, watching his every move like he’s going to break from the slightest touch or drop dead any second. It’s probably the saddest game of Catan they’ve ever played. There’s very little shouting or playful arguing. It’s possibly worse than the initial conversation. Carlos hates being seen as something that is breakable or fragile. He’s spent so much time being strong for everyone else throughout his life, he has no idea what to do with this feeling.
When they leave, Carlos retreats to the bedroom, grabbing a t-shirt from their pyjama drawer before sitting down on the bed. It’s almost 11pm, the latest Carlos has stayed up in weeks. It’s a struggle for him to get his trousers off sitting down but he manages it, shuffling around. It’s better than the pain of standing up and he needs to do this for himself, he’s felt fragile enough tonight. He unbuttons his shirt and slips it off. It pulls a little on his chemo port, a horrible reminder of what’s to come in the morning. He stares at himself in the mirror across the room. The lack of hair. The port stuck into his chest. The lump on his leg. He hates it all.
“Baby?” TK says, standing in the doorway.
“Oh, hey.. I’m just getting ready for bed,” he wipes his tears.
TK sits down next to him. He counts out the pills that are in his hand and then passes them to Carlos, along with a cup of water.
“Thanks,” Carlos mumbles. He throws the pills into his mouth and sips the water, grimacing at the horrible taste. He places the cup on the nightstand and rests his head against TK.
“Let’s get some sleep, it’s going to be a long day tomorrow.”
This is the first night in a very long time that sleep doesn’t come to Carlos easily. TK quickly falls asleep, snoring softly next to him but Carlos lies there awake.
When he finally does sleep, he only gets about 4 hours when their alarm goes off. He groans and snuggles into TK.
“Morning,” TK kisses him softly.
Carlos replies with another groan, pulling the covers up over his eyes as the light comes through the gap in the curtains.
“I’m sorry, baby. We need to get up,” TK gently pulls the cover down, off of Carlos’ face.
“I barely slept.”
Carlos didn’t need to say that, TK could already tell from the dark circles under his eyes. “You can try to get some sleep during treatment today.”
Carlos’ chemo session goes like clockwork at first but a couple hours in the nausea starts and the exhaustion is intense. The nurses moved him to a bed after a while, in hopes Carlos could rest between the bouts of vomiting. “I don’t know how much longer I can take this,” he sobs, sipping on some water in an attempt to get rid of the acrid taste in his mouth.
“I know, baby. You have to though, we know what happens if you don’t.” TK grabs some paper towels from the table beside the bed and wipes Carlos’ mouth. “I think we should ask your mom to come be with you at home tomorrow whilst I’m at work, I don’t think you should be alone.”
Carlos shakes his head.
“Carlos, you know how stressed she was that she couldn’t make it here today, she’ll be happy to see you tomorrow.”
“She’s already doing enough… you both are,” Carlos pauses, wincing at the pain in his body. At this point he doesn’t even know the origin, everything just hurts. “TK, I can’t do this,” he cries.
“You can, baby, you’re so brave,” TK’s lip trembles, taking Carlos’ hand, “I’ll go ask the nurse if they can give you anything else for the pain.”
Carlos nods, weakly.
Finally, Carlos finds some relief when a nurse comes back with TK a while later and gives him some medication, he even manages to get some sleep after that. TK nervously watches as Carlos sleeps. He looks so small and defenceless in the hospital bed. Those adjectives would never have described Carlos in the past.
When they finally get home, TK ignores Carlos’ request to not call Andrea. She agrees to come over tomorrow, TK didn’t doubt that she would.
Their night isn’t peaceful but neither of them expected it to be. Carlos spends it tossing and turning from pain, or with TK’s hand on his back as he vomits into a trash can. Every now and then Carlos would tell TK to let him push through it alone, he doesn’t want TK going to work on no sleep but he knows TK won’t rest until he knows Carlos can.
TK silently slips out of bed the next morning when he hears a soft tapping on the door.
“Hi TK,” she whispers, pulling him into a long hug. “How is he?”
TK rubs his tired eyes, “last night was rough. He’s in a lot of pain and was sick a lot…”
“Well, Mama is here now. You go get ready for work, I’ll fix you some breakfast. We’ll let him sleep whilst he can,” she wanders through their apartment, already picking up abandoned laundry and starting to make their home a little tidier.
“You don’t need to do all that,” TK looks at her, almost on the verge of tears. Chores like laundry have become something that only ever gets done when they’re completely out of clothes now.
“I want to.”
“Thank you,” TK wipes his eyes and quickly leaves the room before he starts to cry as he changes out of his pyjamas.
As he leaves for work, he kisses Carlos’ forehead, “I’ll be back later. I love you, baby.”
Carlos doesn’t wake up, just stirring a little in his sleep.
Over the next few days, Carlos begins to accept that he needs his mom’s help whilst TK is working. It’s around a week since Andrea began looking after Carlos during the day. As is routine now, TK slips out of the apartment quietly, after a hug from Andrea and a quick kiss on Carlos’ head as he sleeps.
TK’s day is chaotic for the most part, and while it’s exhausting, it’s also distracting which helps. Everyone seems cautious around him in the firehouse, not knowing whether to ask about his sick husband or not.
EMS haven’t had time for a break all day, but finally they get some peace on the drive back to the firehouse. TK lies his head back for a moment with a sigh as Nancy drives. After a few minutes, he hunts for his phone in his pocket. That’s when he sees the 8 missed calls from the past 2-3 hours.
An immediate sense of dread fills him when he sees they’re all from Andrea. “Shit,” he mumbles, calling her back.
“Hey, everything okay?” TK says when she finally picks up.
She doesn’t talk for a moment but TK can hear voices and beeping in the background. “TK, you need to come to the hospital.”
“What happened?! Is Carlos okay?” TK looks to Nancy, “we need to go to the hospital.”
“He had a bit of a fever and a cough when he woke up, he got worse throughout the day,” Andrea explains.
“What have the doctors said?”
“He has an infection in his lungs, they’re worried about pneumonia because his immune system isn’t very strong since the chemo. He’s in the ICU on oxygen and antibiotics.”
“THE ICU?! He was fine when I left this morning, well as fine as he can be with cancer…”
Nancy keeps one hand on the steering wheel and reaches across with the other, taking TK’s shaking hand as he continues to listen to Andrea.
“I- I’ll see you in a few minutes. Please tell him I love him.”
TK pulls the phone away from his ear, almost dropping it.
“What’s going on, TK?” Tommy calls from the back of the ambulance.
TK begins to cry, “it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have been coming to work, I- I probably brought germs home.”
“TK, you said yourself that you boys have a mortgage and other bills to pay,” Tommy says.
TK just shakes his head, staring down at his phone at his lockscreen which is an adorable photo of him and Carlos. Carlos looks so well in the photo which breaks TK more. He still has his gorgeous curls and his skin is glowing.
TK doesn’t wait for Tommy and Nancy when they arrive as he sprints off inside the hospital. He doesn’t need to ask where the ICU is, they’ve become pretty familiar with the location over the past few years, TK could probably find it with his eyes closed.
He shakily presses the buzzer at the door and anxiously waits for someone to answer, pulling and picking at the cuffs of his uniform.
“Hello, how can we help?” a voice comes through the intercom.
“I’m here to see my husband, Carlos Reyes,” TK barely gets his words out, it’s more of a sob.
“Ah yes, he’s in room 5, come on through,” the voice comes through the intercom again as the door clicks unlocked.
TK pushes it and rushes in, frantically glancing around for the room marked 5.
“TK!” Andrea calls across the waiting area.
TK doesn’t know if he’s going to throw up or pass out as he gets to Carlos’ room. His husband is writhing around in the bed, coughing painfully and grasping at the oxygen mask on his face.
“I’m here, baby. I’m here,” TK rushes to his bedside and takes his hand. He feels the heat radiating from Carlos’ skin and he can hear the painful wheeze coming from Carlos’ chest.
“I’m… scared…” Carlos sobs, pulling the oxygen mask away enough for TK to hear him.
“Keep that on baby, it’s helping you breathe,” TK moves the mask back over Carlos’ nose and mouth.
Carlos begins coughing again and TK tries to soothe him as he sobs in pain but it doesn’t do a lot.
TK turns to Andrea, he doesn’t say anything, but they share a terrified look. She places a gentle hand on TK’s shoulder.
Finally, Carlos’ coughing subsides for a moment and he opens his eyes, looking up at TK, still catching his breath and taking short gasps inside the mask. TK runs his hand over Carlos’ cheek, wiping away the tears that had formed from the pain and coughing. “Breathe, baby, breathe. Slow breaths,” TK whispers and Carlos tries to follow the pattern of TK’s breathing.
TK lowers the barrier on the side of the bed, he pulls a chair close and sits, resting his head on the bed and traces patterns on the palm of Carlos’ hand. Andrea goes the other side and adjusts Carlos’ pillows. It’s quiet now, just the beeping of the heart monitor and the sound of Carlos’ unsteady breathing.
It takes a while but Carlos falls asleep and TK starts to drift off a little too until his phone vibrates once in his pocket.
Nancy: Hey man, how’s he doing? Tommy has gone home to the girls but I’m in the ICU waiting room. They said I can’t come in tho, visitor restrictions…
TK turns around and he spots her through the gap in the curtains.
TK: Be there in a minute, not much to update on tho…
He shoves his phone back in his pocket and looks over to Andrea.
“Nancy is in the waiting area, I’m just going to update her,” TK whispers.
“Alright, I’ll keep an eye on him,” she replies, taking her son’s hand.
TK gently kisses Carlos’ head and then quietly slips out the room.
Nancy gives him a sad smile when she sees him walking over.
She hugs him tight before they sit down.
They don’t speak for about a minute until TK quietly says, “I should’ve been at home. Fuck the mortgage, the bills. I should’ve been at home with him.”
“But then you’d loose the loft. You guys still need a place to live,” Nancy says.
“I don’t care if we loose the loft. I could loose my husband…” TK sobs, “I should’ve been at home. I’m probably the reason he has this infection, how many infectious patients do we see daily, Nancy? And I was going back to Carlos every night and passing those germs onto him that he has no ability to fight.”
“TK this isn’t your fault.”
He rests his head on his best friend’s shoulder and they stay like that for a while.
TK sighs, looking over to Carlos’ room, “I’m gonna go back in there.”
She hugs him, “call me if you need anything.”
TK nods and makes his way back to the room, finding Carlos just as he’d left him. He places another kiss on Carlos’ forehead before sitting down and resting his head on the bed again. His grip on Carlos’ hand is tight.
There are multiple points throughout the night where Carlos wakes up, coughing and gasping for air. Each time he is terrified. Up until now, the last couple of months have felt like a slow journey to death, but now Carlos feels like he is actively dying. His lungs won’t do their one job. He’s fighting against his own body.
“TK,” Carlos struggles.
“Yes, baby, what do you need?”
“Thirsty…” Carlos manages before weakly coughing again.
TK presses one of the buttons on the side of the bed and the part behind Carlos’ head begins to tilt, sitting him up a bit more.
Carlos pulls the oxygen mask off of his face a little, “where’s mom?” He looks around and sees the chair on the other side of the bed empty.
“The nurse said only one of us could stay with you overnight,” TK whispers as he grabs the water cup from the table next to them.
Carlos nods, too weak to ask any more questions. TK brings the cup to Carlos’ lips and he takes a few sips, enjoying the coldness on his sore throat. “Thanks baby,” He manages before TK pulls the oxygen mask back over his nose and mouth.
“You’re welcome,” TK kisses his cheek. “Try to get some more sleep, they’re taking you for another scan of your leg in the morning, see if the chemo is working.”
Carlos pulls at the mask again, enough for TK to hear him. “I think I’m dying… I don’t think it’s working…”
TK doesn’t answer immediately. He doesn’t really know what to say, because Carlos isn’t wrong, right now he’s definitely closer to death than a full recovery. “That’s the infection talking, you’ll feel a lot better once it’s cleared up.” TK knows that’s probably a lie.
Carlos stays quiet, he realises he’s probably scaring TK even more, and also he doesn’t think his lungs will allow him to talk much more. He turns to look at him though and gently squeezes his hand.
“I love you too,” TK says as he squeezes Carlos’ hand in reply.
As light begins to peek through the blinds the next morning, TK attempts to get Carlos to eat some breakfast but he ultimately fails. It’s at least a little easier now as Carlos doesn’t have an oxygen mask over his face but rather a small tube under his nose. Carlos takes a tiny bite of the toast that TK holds to his mouth but after a couple more bites he turns his head away from the food. TK sets the plate down on the small table and picks up the juice instead. “Here. At least get some energy in you.”
“I don’t-“ Carlos coughs, “I don’t think orange juice will cure cancer TK.”
“You’re hilarious… Drink the damn juice,” TK rolls his eyes. He has to admire his husband’s sense of humor, it’s less prominent now but when he does joke, TK has to laugh.
Carlos reluctantly takes the end of the straw into his mouth and sips on the juice.
Carlos continues to sleep after breakfast until a nurse comes in to take him for the scans. TK tries his best to reassure him that everything will be fine but it doesn’t matter as when they doctor comes around with the results, Carlos already knows it’s bad news. Carlos holds TK’s hand tight as he listens to the doctor explaining how the tumor has grown and how it’s effecting the blood vessels and nerves.
“The only course of action is amputation at this point. Limb salvaging surgery just isn’t a viable option anymore as the chemotherapy isn’t working as well as we’d hoped, I’m so sorry, sir,” he explains.
“Amputation? I’m going to loose my leg?” Carlos looks at the doctor then to TK and then back at the doctor. “I- I can’t be a police officer with one leg, I can’t…”
“There’s quite a few police officers who are amputees, baby. It’s not impossible,” TK says, squeezing Carlos’ hand a little tighter.
Carlos stays quiet, looking down at his legs.
“We’ll schedule the surgery once you’re past this infection, currently we wouldn’t want to risk anaesthetic with you so sick as we could run into complications,” the doctor says, before apologising once again and leaving.
Carlos looks back to TK with tears in his eyes, “I… I understand if this is too much for you. You didn’t sign up for this…” he gestures to his leg.
“Baby, you’re my husband, you will always be my husband, none of this will ever change that,” TK kisses Carlos’ head.
“At least I’ll be cancer free…” Carlos says, before coughing and groaning at the pain.
Carlos holds onto that goal. Cancer free. For the next few days, he tries to remind himself that by the end of this, that although he will be missing a leg, he will also be cancer free. As he feels his body slowly recovering from the infection and he’s moved from the ICU to a regular ward, he knows that surgery is creeping closer. Their friends visit, bringing ‘get well’ cards, balloons and teddy bears. Detective Washington drops off some flowers from her and his fellow officers. Andrea doesn’t stop fussing her son, she’s constantly there, no matter how many times Carlos tells her he’s okay and that she can go home. She’s always there. She’s so scared, possibly more than Carlos, he thinks. His sisters have also called every day to check up on their little brother. He tries his best to be strong for everyone, but especially them. His mom and sisters have had enough loss.
The night before the surgery is when it really hits Carlos. His mom had just left and TK is asleep in the chair next to him. He pulls away the sheets and pushes himself up in the bed. His fingers ghost past the lump as he runs his hand over his leg. The room is quite dark but the light from the doorway is enough for him to see the paleness of his left leg compared to the other due to the tumor effecting the blood flow.
“Baby?” He hears TK’s voice softly breaking the silence.
Carlos looks over to him.
“Why are you still awake? You in pain?” TK scoots the chair closer to Carlos.
He shakes his head. “No… just thinking.”
“That’s understandable. It’s a big day tomorrow,” TK says.
Carlos continues to run his hand over his leg.
“You want to talk about it?”
Carlos shakes his head again and TK accepts that. This is a lot. TK knows Carlos is just trying to wrap his head around this massive change.
As he sits there, he thinks for a moment that Carlos has fallen asleep until Carlos speaks, “TK…”
“Yes, baby.”
“We know any surgery is risky, and I just want you to know, if anything happen-“
“No. We’re not doing that, Carlos. You’re going to get through the surgery, you’re going to be cancer free. And, at some point, I’m going to have a very cool bionic husband,” TK winks and manages to get a laugh out of Carlos. He misses that smile, it’s so rare these days.
“We should go on vacation,” Carlos says.
TK’s a little taken aback by the shift in conversation.
“Once I have my prosthetic and we have a little more money, we’ll go somewhere really nice, with beaches. I know that’s a long way away but...”
“Baby, that sounds wonderful,” TK smiles.
“We deserve it.”
They discuss the idea more, talking about all the places they want to go, and slowly, Carlos’ responses become less and less until TK can hear his soft snores. TK relaxes a little knowing Carlos is somewhat peaceful. He cautiously moves the sheets back over Carlos, tucking him in. He watches Carlos for a while, admiring how peaceful he looks.
TK groans when he wakes up the next morning, the hospital chairs were doing a number on his back. He didn’t care though, and he wouldn’t tell Carlos, or Andrea who was already there and probably had been for a couple of hours before either of the boys had woken up.
“Morning mijo,” Andrea whispers, putting a finger to her lips, signalling that Carlos is still asleep.
“Morning,” TK rubs his eyes, stretching. He looks at Carlos and sees the lines of marker drawn on Carlos’ leg, ready for surgery.
Soon, Carlos starts to stir from the movement and conversation in the room. “Hey,” he mumbles, his hand finding TK’s.
“Hey,” TK kisses him, so softly, too scared of hurting him. “How’re you feeling?”
“Nervous,” Carlos takes in the lines drawn on his leg and processes just how high they go, it’s a lot.
“I know, I’ll be right here when you wake up though. And whatever happens after that, I’ll be here with you, okay?”
Carlos nods and looks down at his hand. “They’ll be taking me soon…” Carlos pulls off his gold wedding band, “look after it for me.”
TK takes the ring and unclasps his 252 necklace. He slides the ring onto the onto it and secures it back around his neck, “safe and sound.”
Interrupting the tender moment, “good morning Mr Reyes. You ready for the big day?” The doctor stands at the door, a clipboard in hand and a couple of nurses next to him.
Carlos looks to TK, waiting for reassurance.
“I’ll be right here, waiting for you,” TK leans over and places a long kiss to Carlos’ cracked lips. “I love you,” he whispers.
“I love you too,” Carlos whispers back, his voice shaking as he begins to panic.
TK steps back, allowing Andrea to hold her son for a moment. She looks just as terrified as Carlos.
“I’m ready,” Carlos takes a deep breath as his mom moves back, allowing the nurses to come over and start to move Carlos.
The surgery surprisingly shouldn’t take long, according to what the doctors had explained, but to TK and Andrea, it takes forever. TK paces for what feels like hours, with Andrea telling him multiple times to stop - the pacing makes her more nervous than she already is.
TK finally sits down at some point and begins to fidget with Carlos’ ring hanging from his necklace. Normally his own ring would be on there, keeping it safe whilst he’s at work. He doesn’t like that Carlos doesn’t have his ring right now, in probably one of the scariest moments of their life, he feels disconnected from Carlos.
“He’ll be okay,” Andrea speaks up.
TK looks up, a little surprised. “It’s less risky than other surgeries, I think the biggest worry is infections, given his immune system is still weakened.”
“No, I mean after this. I know he’s scared of what his life will be like but he has you. I know you won’t let him go down any dark paths…”
TK smiles, “I try my best. He can be a little stubborn, but I try,”
“Gabriel and I couldn’t have asked for a better partner for our boy,” she takes TK’s and and gives it a squeeze.
The rest of the wait continues to be nerve wracking. No amount of reassurance that they give each other would shake their worry. The worry of complications, Carlos’ mental health afterward and what the rest of his life looks like. It’s terrifying.
But then it gets a little less terrifying, seeing the hospital bed round the corner, a softly smiling nurse pushing it. Carlos still looks so tiny in the bed and his leg, or lack thereof, is covered by the blankets, but he’s sleeping and he looks so peaceful.
“The surgery went well,” the doctor says as he follows them into the room, beginning to explain the next steps. Andrea mostly listens but TK is more focused on his husband.
Carlos slightly opens his eyes and looks at TK, “hey.” His voice is hoarse from the intubation during surgery, and he sounds so so tired.
“Hey baby,” TK smiles. “The cancer is gone, you’re going to be okay baby.”
Carlos nods sleepily. And he’s smiling, and it isn’t forced. It isn’t an attempt to make the people around him feel better. For the first time in months there is a genuine smile across Carlos’ face.
TK kisses Carlos’ bald head before he unclips his necklace and removes Carlos’ ring. Gently, he returns it to where it belongs, being careful of the IV attached to Carlos’ hand. They both know that it isn’t over yet. Carlos has so much rehabilitation to go and it will still be up in the air for a while as to whether he can work again, but for now they enjoy this moment, Carlos is alive.