Work Text:
Dina always had a fascination with eyes ever since she was a young girl. It was how she fell in love with her first girlfriend in New Mexico at 12, with those amber eyes that she still had dreams about even three years later; three years after she fled, leaving her girlfriend, her life, her family, everything she knew behind.
It was how she found herself gravitating toward Jesse, with his charming confidence, sweet smile, and beautiful brown eyes that made her pause, stare, and wonder if that feeling in her chest would ever dumb down to small buzzes of affection rather than whirlpools of excitement and anticipation.
It was how she found herself now, staring at the cute girl in front of her as if she were some sort of foreign species. Dina felt a little stupid, just staring at her like that. She must’ve been scaring the girl since she seemed to be tensing up next to her father, fidgeting with her fingers as she made and broke eye contact over and over again. She remembered to introduce herself, though it was a little shaky, and she believed her voice cracked a little when she said her name. The girl smiled up at her, and her eyes were wide and so, so green that Dina suddenly felt like she couldn’t breathe.
The girl held out her hand with a confident smile, a complete 180 from her apparent anxiousness a few minutes before.
“I’m Ellie,” she said, her smile knocking the wind right out of Dina when she realized that the girl– Ellie – had dimples, “the old man right next to me is Joel.”
Dina looked up to Joel, who greeted her with a grunt and a nod.
Dina nodded back at Joel, looked at Ellie, and remembered to breathe.
She took Ellie’s hand in hers and gave it a slight squeeze.
“Ellie,” Dina repeated breathlessly, “I think we’ll be good friends.”
Ellie just squeezed back and smiled.
Dina couldn’t tell if it was the sun or if it was just her, but she felt her face get a little warm after that.
Dina and Ellie had grown closer, way closer and it was driving Dina insane.
Ellie was closed off at first, preferring to hear Dina speak rather than speak herself, which was understandable. Dina remembered being the same way with everyone else when she first moved to Jackson. The number of people that were encased within the gates of the town overwhelmed her, but she managed to melt into their hospitality quickly enough. She made friends with Maria first, who took her under her wing almost immediately. She was like a mentor, maybe even somewhat of a mother figure. Her strength and bravery reminded her of Talia, and it would sometimes make her heart ache whenever she remembered that her older sister was gone for good. Maria then forced her to mingle with the other teenagers, which she did. She met Charlotte, who then introduced her to Eleanor, then Beatriz, then Isla, and…the list went on and on until she made friends with Jesse.
Her cheeks grew warm at the thought of their first meeting, that stuttering in her chest that never went away entirely at the thought of the boy, even after their less-than-savory argument from a few nights before.
Dina and Jesse were on a break, as they both decided. They needed space after their dispute, and Dina complied. A few tears were shed, and her throat went tight every time she thought about finding him again, but she was recovering, and she knew that they’d apologize and get back together in no time.
Ellie could tell that she was feeling down though, so she decided to do all of the talking in their hangout this time, telling Dina all about the time that she saw Joel kill a bunch of runners in one go, her favorite sights that she saw on her way from Boston to Jackson, and how she got around to talking to Beatriz and Isla and found out that they’re actually really cool and she was looking forward to talking to them soon.
Dina rewarded Ellie with a small smile and a few comments of her own.
“You see? I told you that branching out would be good for you,” she teased, “ you should be thanking me for pushing you to talk.”
Ellie scoffed, rolled her eyes, and sat next to Dina.
“Shut up.”
“Make me,” Dina said, looking up at Ellie with a playful glare.
Dina expected Ellie to scoff, tell her to shut the fuck up, groan, or even push her.
She didn’t.
Ellie just stared at her, and Dina realized how close they were to one another. She stared back at Ellie, even though her heart was in her throat and she was shaking ever so slightly to the point where she seriously doubted that Ellie noticed.
From where she was sitting she could see the golden flecks in Ellie’s green eyes. She could see acres and acres of forests, grass, meadows, and beauty in those irises and if Dina continued to think like this about Ellie then she was most definitely going to drive herself insane with…with something. Something foreign, but also achingly familiar.
She didn’t.
Ellie eventually broke eye contact with Dina, seeming to find the rock that she picked up much more appealing than whatever turmoil was shifting around in Dina’s eyes.
Dina was never one to break during a competition, even if it was a silent, unofficial, and hardly acknowledged one. She forfeited only when it was necessary– but looking right into Ellie’s eyes made her nervous, scared, even. She thought that Ellie would see right through her, see that she became concerningly infatuated with her in such a short amount of time and that she’d push her away, yell, and stare at her with disgust.
She didn’t.
Instead, Ellie kicked her foot up and leaned her cheek on her right knee, her eyes darting from where Dina was sitting and back to the rock, acting nonchalant in a very Ellie way that Dina was starting to find comfort in.
“You want to tell me what’s going on with you?” Ellie asked.
Dina almost wanted to laugh, to say that she was fine, or to just roll the topic off her shoulders and bring a new one up, but when she looked up and saw that Ellie was looking at her, really looking at her, she sighed.
Her eyes…It’s always her fucking eyes.
Dina just looked into Ellie’s eyes and held her breath before ultimately spilling over.
Ellie seemed satisfied with making Dina break.
Dina wanted to kiss her.
She wasn’t sure if she wanted to admit it.
It was Dina’s 16th birthday, and Ellie decided that she was going to wake Dina up at the ass-crack of dawn to celebrate with her. Dina didn’t mind waking up early, in fact, she was quite the morning person. So when Ellie snuck into her room through her window and woke her up she just blinked a few times and smiled tiredly.
“Happy birthday, D,” Ellie whispered, though she didn’t need to. Dina lived alone, and it was not like her parents were going to rise from the dead and scold her for being up so early, and with company no less.
She hoped that her parents were watching over her.
She made a note to pray later.
She sat up and rubbed her eyes, stretching as she attempted to wake the rest of her body up. When she felt that she was awake enough to reply, she turned and sat on the edge of her bed, her feet touching the floor as she faced Ellie and grabbed her hand, interlocking their fingers together.
“Thanks, El,” Dina replied. Her voice was heavy with sleep, almost as if the rest coated her vocal cords in a thick layer of honey. She wondered if Ellie liked it.
When she looked up to see Ellie’s reaction to the touch, she took note of the fact that Ellie seemed somewhat flustered, but despite that, she squeezed their hands together.
Dina’s heart fluttered at that.
Ellie pulled Dina up from her bed with one hand, which was a horrible idea since Dina’s legs were still wobbly with sleep and the amount of force Ellie used nearly knocked them both over.
Dina had to grab onto Ellie for support, and Ellie had to hold Dina’s waist to keep them both still. For an awkward moment, they just stared at each other in the dark. Dina could feel Ellie’s warm breath on her lips and it made her whole body shiver.
Ellie was the first one to break contact.
“Now,” Ellie said, clearing her throat as she attempted to play what happened off. It made Dina smile, “Go get your bag and get ready.”
Dina stared at Ellie for a few moments.
“Get ready for what?” Dina asked, somewhat dumbly.
Ellie smiled and rolled her eyes.
“The lake, Dina. I told you that I’d take you.”
Dina furrowed her eyebrows, visibly confused.
“Yeah, but I thought you meant that you wanted to go with me and the others.”
Ellie broke eye contact with Dina and played with her fingers, pressing on the skin and twisting the appendages.
She was nervous, and Dina was delighted by that fact.
“Yeah, but I thought it would be better if we just went by ourselves, you know? It’ll be like a pre-celebration…thing.”
“Wow, you have such a way with words,” Dina replied, her voice monotone in a way that made Ellie annoyed.
“Shut the fuck up,” Ellie laughed, punching Dina in the shoulder.
“Hey! You can’t hit the birthday girl. That’s, like, against all birthday rules,” The older girl whined.
“Well, fuck your birthday rules! Your breath stinks. Go get ready,” Ellie said, giggling.
Dina flipped her off and got out of bed, she let Ellie sit there as she got ready for their early morning at the lake.
“I’m surprised that you haven’t drowned yet,” Dina said, enjoying the feeling of the cold water on her skin.
“Hey! I’m a strong swimmer,” The redhead whined, a slight pout on her lips. “Joel’s lessons have paid off.”
Dina smiled at Ellie, her heartbeat picking up at the sight of Ellie’s pout. The other girl could be frustratingly adorable sometimes.
“Cute, but that’s not what I meant,” the brunette clarified, “you and I both know that you love your sleep. How you managed to wake up at 6 a.m. and not fall asleep while swimming is beyond me.”
“Ha ha. Fuck you, too.” Ellie scoffed, “See if I’ll ever do something nice for you again.”
Dina laughed and swam towards Ellie, a bright smile on her lips.
“Aw, don’t be like that with me, El. You know I meant well.”
Ellie glared at her but allowed Dina to come closer to her in the water. They were practically face-to-face.
“I know you Dina, and you definitely didn’t mean well.”
Dina bit her lip and held back a giggle at the reply that generated in her mind.
“Don’t question the birthday girl’s intentions.”
Ellie’s face dropped at Dina’s words.
“Fuck you!”
“When and where?”
Ellie’s face turned bright red at the question, her eyes opening wide from shock.
“Wha-?”
Before she could finish, a strong thrust of water from Dina's palms smacked Ellie’s face, effectively wetting the girl’s previously dry mug.
Ellie was coughing hard, and Dina was nearly in tears from how hard she was laughing. Her arms were holding her stomach tightly under the water, long wheezes leaving her lips as Ellie’s coughing continued.
When Ellie was sure that she could breathe without feeling like taking deep breaths would rattle her lungs, she swam aggressively toward Dina, making Dina screech and swim to the other side of the lake.
“You’re such a dick!” Ellie yelled, swimming so fast that she was beginning to grow tired.
“You love it!” Dina shouted back, but she continued to swim away from Ellie. Even though she loved the younger girl, Ellie could be terrifying when she was upset.
Ellie continued to swim until she finally wrapped her arms around Dina’s middle, trapping her against her body. Dina tried her best to squirm and get out of Ellie’s grasp, but she had an iron grip and Dina was tired after attempting to escape Ellie’s wrath.
“Okay, okay! Fuck- I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” Dina squeaked, “I surrender, have mercy!”
“You surrender?” Ellie repeated.
“Yes,” Dina wheezed, a large amount of joy filling her chest that seeped out of her in giggles and short breaths of air, “Yes, I surrender! Let me go!”
Ellie laughed and leaned her face near Dina’s neck, her lips lightly brushing against Dina’s ear as she whispered, “That’s what I thought.”
Dina nearly jumped out of her skin at the contact. She immediately turned to face Ellie, trying to see if her expression would give Dina any clue as to what she was thinking, feeling, or intending.
It did not.
Instead, she found herself staring into Ellie’s big green eyes with wonder. She took in all of her features, appreciating every single one of the small details on her face. Her eyes trailed over the constellation of freckles that Ellie had across her nose and cheeks, the small scar on her eyebrow, the adorable dimples on her cheeks, the blush that was appearing on her face from either embarrassment or anxiousness; maybe both.
Dina’s gaze always came back to Ellie’s eyes, though.
She felt her own cheeks burn with something. She couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was. It was almost like it was a mixture of everything. She felt admiration and adoration, happiness and wonder, appreciation and anticipation.
But somehow, somewhere, she felt desperation.
It was rooted deep into her stomach, growing stronger and harsher with each passing second, minute, hour, day…
As she continued to look into Ellie’s eyes, she noticed how her eyelashes were wet– or maybe damp was the right word – and how a small water droplet fell from the long hairs and landed directly onto her cheek. She noticed that Ellie was laughing nervously, and the desperation only grew. It morphed into this monstrous, greedy thing that wanted nothing more than to keep Ellie right where she was, keep her in this moment with her so that they could waltz around each other, waltz around this feeling and, and, and–
“You okay?”
Dina snapped out of her trance and blinked once, twice.
She cleared her throat and looked down into the clear water, a sheepish smile growing on her lips as she made eye contact with Ellie again.
“Perfect.” She whispered.
Ellie had started making new friends.
That wasn’t a problem with Dina, of course it wasn’t. If anything, she was more than glad that Ellie was forming relationships with other people rather than sticking with her and Jesse all the time.
Not that Dina minded that either.
Her, Ellie, and Jesse were usually spotted together. Whether it was at one of their houses, out at the Tipsy Bison, the theater, or in the park; they were often around one another. Their trio just worked. There was always laughter shared between the three of them and many inside jokes were created with each passing day.
It was comforting, almost like home.
They all had friends outside of their circle, though. Dina had all of her girl friends, Jesse had his guy friends, and Ellie had an odd mixture of acquaintances, friends, or people that she would simply nod at with respect.
Dina found it funny how Ellie had such an odd mixture of people in her corner. Dina would poke and prod at the redhead, telling her that she seriously needed to drop the mysterious act because it was fucking with her social circle.
Ellie would push Dina away and tell her to fuck off with a smile and an eye roll, and Dina would giggle and give Ellie the most half-assed apology in the world.
Dina smiled at the memory but quickly stopped as she was suddenly reminded of the bitter taste that was lodged in her throat.
Ellie had started making new friends.
That was perfectly fine.
What Dina didn’t appreciate was how this… girl was taking up a lot of Ellie’s time.
Seriously, it felt like Ellie was out with her all the fucking time.
It made Dina feel a certain discomfort that made her skin burn uncomfortably with every reminder of the girl’s existence.
Cat was her name.
The girl that Ellie couldn’t seem to get away from.
Jesse seemed to like her well enough, which only made Dina even more irritated. Jesse didn’t seem to understand why Dina was so short with Cat. He would assure her that the other girl was great, that Dina has barely spoken to her, that her and Ellie get along just fine, so why can’t Dina do the same?
Dina wanted to gag Jesse.
He was right, though. Cat was great. She was beautiful, too. She had pretty brown eyes, a round face, a pretty smile, tattoos on her arms, and a sleek haircut.
She was funny, too. She would catch Ellie giggling with the girl whenever they hung out together in public.
She would’ve sought out friendship from her if the sight of the girl hadn’t made her so bitter.
Dina sighed and continued to eat her breakfast in peace. She was sitting on the park bench, simply feeling like people watching. It was soothing to see the people in Jackson living their peaceful lives. She smiled and waved at the kids who passed by with their parents, her heart melting at the sight of their tiny hands holding onto their parents’ bigger ones tightly. She made small talk with the elders of the town, making sure to ask how they were doing and see if there was any way that she could assist them later that week. Some of her other friends even sat down with her, deciding to have long conversations about anything that they might’ve missed since the last time they talked to one another.
It was calming.
Soon enough, she finished her breakfast and her friend left, giving her a hug and a squeeze on the arm, promising that they’ll hang out soon.
As Dina sat up to get back to her home, Ellie appeared and greeted her with one of her blinding smiles, dimples indenting her freckled cheeks and all.
Dina’s heart ached from how beautiful the sight was.
“Dina!” Ellie said excitedly, her hand reaching out to lightly grab Dina’s bicep.
“Hey, El,” Dina replied softly, a small smile painting her lips at the touch, “Where’ve you been? I’ve missed you.”
And she really did. Her heart ached with each day that passed without being able to talk to Ellie, or even look at her. She missed her best friend, and it sucked that they hadn’t been able to bond as much as they used to in previous weeks.
“I’ve missed you too, D,” Ellie admitted, a soft smile adorning her face. Dina almost wanted to melt into the girl, “I’ve been hanging around. Y’know, expanding my social circle.”
Dina rolled her eyes and lightly smacked Ellie’s arm, making the other girl groan and retract her hold on Dina’s bicep.
“Shut the fuck up, Ellie,” she giggled.
“What? It’s true! Isn’t that what you wanted?” Ellie whined, dramatically rubbing her arm.
“Whatever, El,” Dina replied, a small breath of laughter leaving her lips.
She looked over at Ellie, her eyes taking in her look for the day. She was dressed in a gray long-sleeved shirt with a blue button-down shirt on top of it. She had her khaki cargo pants on along with her usual canvas shoes.
She looked good. Very good.
Dina had to suck in a breath at the realization.
She then realized that Ellie’s sleeves were rolled up, and she couldn’t help but notice that there was an outline for a tattoo on her right arm.
She gasped and immediately grabbed Ellie’s arm, turning it every which way so she could see the entire design.
“Holy shit, El!” Dina said, a small laugh leaving her lips, “When the fuck were you going to tell me that you were getting a tattoo?!”
Dina traced the small black lines with her index finger, taking notice of the way that goosebumps seemed to rise on Ellie’s skin at the touch.
She let out another laugh of disbelief.
“Oh, yeah,” Ellie said, almost sheepishly.
Dina raised a brow at that. Ellie was usually so confident, so seeing her shy over something like this was most definitely questionable.
“Is…Is that all you’re going to give me? Just a small ‘oh, yeah,’ and no explanation on why you decided to do it and who is tattooing you?” The older girl teased, her finger lingering on the large moth.
Ellie seemed to hesitate, which made Dina’s heart pinch uncomfortably in her chest. She knew that her and Ellie hadn’t been able to talk as much as they used to, but had they really been so distant that she was now hesitating to tell Dina about her life?
It made Dina uneasy in the weirdest way.
“Nevermind, you don’t have to-”
“You know Cat?”
Dina’s heart sunk to her stomach, but she swallowed the discomfort down.
“I know of her,” Dina replied tentatively, “why?”
Ellie made eye contact with Dina, her eyes flickering from Dina’s face down to her half-tattooed arm.
“She’s the one tattooing me.”
Dina nodded.
“Okay.”
Ellie took a deep breath and looked Dina in the eyes, which made the older girl’s heart stutter in her chest.
“We’re, uh, also dating,” Ellie added, an apparent giddiness swimming between her irises.
Dina felt like she was going to be sick.
“Oh,” Dina replied, her voice wavering, “that’s- that’s great, El.”
Ellie nervously looked at Dina, her eyebrows furrowing as she smiled shyly.
“Yeah?”
Dina nodded, her whole body feeling tense.
“Yeah.”
She let go of Ellie’s arm, feeling like the skin-to-skin contact was burning her from the outside in.
She cleared her throat and smiled tightly at Ellie, who seemed confused, yet relieved from the interaction.
Right as Dina was about to bail, Cat appeared next to Ellie, startling the both of them.
“Hey, Ellie!” Cat beamed, her hand grabbing onto the back of Ellie’s arm.
Ellie grinned back at Cat, her cheeks flushing in that pretty pink color that made Dina melt and break at the same time.
“Hey, Cat,” Ellie whispered, and her eyes– god, her eyes – fucking gleamed at the sight of Cat, “What’re you doing here?”
Dina wondered the same exact thing.
“What, am I not allowed to visit my girlfriend?”
Ellie giggled and fumbled with words for a minute.
“No, I never-”
Dina cleared her throat, bringing Cat and Ellie’s attention back to her.
“Hey, Cat,” Dina said dryly.
“Hey, Dina,” Cat replied sweetly, and it almost made Dina want to punch her.
Cat turned back to Ellie, her hair swishing from the movement.
“I’ll see you later for your next tattoo session, okay?” Cat whispered, her face all sweet and soft at the sight of Ellie, and Dina’s heart broke when she saw that Ellie looked at Cat the same way.
“Yeah, yeah. Okay,” Ellie agreed.
Cat leaned up and pressed a chaste kiss onto Ellie’s lips, and Dina’s whole body burned with bitterness and envy. She didn’t feel like herself.
When they parted, Ellie let out a soft breath and watched Cat leave for a few seconds before looking back at Dina.
Ellie’s eyes were shining with excitement, the green seeming a lot brighter if that was even possible.
Dina had to go.
She couldn’t stand to see how happy Ellie was, even if it made her look gorgeous.
She couldn’t stand to think that Ellie found someone who brought her more joy than Dina yearned to provide her with.
As Ellie opened her mouth to say something to Dina, maybe apologize for the interruption, Dina cut her off with her wobbling voice.
“Hey, Ellie, I really need to go,” she murmured.
Ellie’s eyes dimmed a little at her words, and Dina’s breath caught in her throat. She felt so, so guilty, but she couldn’t have stayed there with Ellie even if she tried.
“Oh, okay,” Ellie mumbled, “I’ll see you around?”
Dina hummed but didn’t confirm or deny whether that would be the case.
When Dina made it back home, she lay limp in her bed, eyes facing the ceiling.
She thought about Ellie’s eyes, and she sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed.
The dance was a new opportunity for Dina, a bright one, even.
Her and Jesse officially called it quits. They knew that their relationship stemmed from familiarity and consistency, not one of love and growth. Everything that they did was on autopilot, and it didn’t feel genuine anymore. They loved each other, of course, but not in the way that they were used to falling into.
It was for the best.
There were no hard feelings between them, thankfully. They decided that their friendship would benefit them more than a romantic relationship ever could.
Jesse had also taken note of Dina’s feelings for Ellie, and he made sure to let Dina know that it was cool with him and that there was no way that he could ever hate her for loving Ellie.
Dina sighed and hugged Jesse for the second time that night, her frame melting into his when he wrapped his arms around her.
“Go get your girl,” he whispered, a smile very clear in his voice.
“I will,” Dina replied, a soft laugh escaping her lips.
Getting said girl was harder than she thought.
Ellie was perceptive when she wanted to be, always knowing when someone was down and somehow finding the best way to bring them out of that mood. Dina would’ve thought that Ellie figured out Dina’s feelings for her ages ago, but that was not the case.
It frustrated Dina to no end. How could Ellie be so clever, yet so dense when it came to matters that concerned her? It was horrible, and Dina had found herself wanting to strangle Ellie more often than not for her obliviousness.
Dina would blatantly flirt with Ellie, calling her all sorts of things that ranged from cute to gorgeous, stunning to breathtaking, adorable to wonderful, and yet Ellie would just brush it off, laugh, and blush in that typical Ellie way that she does.
It would’ve been cute if Dina didn’t feel like groaning and melting into a puddle of flesh every time Ellie just didn’t get it.
But Ellie was there. She was there in the church nursing a glass of whiskey while she stood there with Jesse and she looked irresistible.
Dina had to take deep breaths before approaching the redhead, confidence seeping through her body, though that might’ve been the three drinks she had before she even stepped onto the dancefloor.
She smoothly made her way towards Ellie, her breaths a little labored after dancing for so long.
She made sure to touch Ellie’s arm, to be sure that the girl in front of her was real and breathing rather than a drunken hallucination that was fueled by her four-year-long desperation to be something with Ellie. Never anything less than important, yet never anything more than there; there in Ellie’s life, in her achievements, in her thoughts, speech, heart, air–
It was now four drinks that she had, and she felt her yearning grow.
She dealt with it by leading Ellie to the dancefloor, grabbing Ellie’s hands, and positioning them on the small of her back. She had to hide the spark of excitement that shot up her spine at the feeling of Ellie’s arms around her; her hands on her.
If Dina smiled at the feeling of Ellie’s nervous hands awkwardly resting on her back, nobody said a word.
Ellie was an awkward dancer, a stiff one.
Dina found it cute.
That girl was always on high alert, never allowing herself a minute to truly relax and enjoy the moment. Ellie was unique like that.
Dina wondered if Ellie was prepared to flee when needed.
She mentally shook those thoughts away from her head, and she focused on the gorgeous girl in front of her. Dina was giddy with excitement, and she would go as far as to say that she was drunk off of it if she didn’t already feel a little buzzed from the four drinks she had.
The conversation that she and Ellie had felt like a complete blur. Dina didn’t even register what she said until she tucked Ellie’s stray strand of hair behind her ear, laid her hand on the back of Ellie’s neck, and whispered those ten words right at Ellie’s face.
Before she knew it, she was kissing Ellie. The touch of her lips against her best friend’s was addicting, and she didn’t think that she could ever forget how soft they were when they brushed against her own.
Needless to say, Dina was fucking stoked.
In a burst of confidence, she slid her tongue into the kiss, her heart stuttering in her chest when she felt Ellie’s brushing against hers.
It took everything in her to not drag Ellie out of the church and into her bed.
She relented.
When they both– reluctantly, unfortunately, sadly – pulled away from the kiss, Dina was blessed with the sight of Ellie smiling brightly at her, looking like Dina herself promised to take her to the moon.
Ellie’s eyes glowed under the fairy lights, and Dina felt herself fall in love all over again.
Ellie always thought that Dina had a special way of looking at people, whether that was literally or figuratively.
She always managed to make the person that she was interacting with feel like they were her whole world, that no one could take her out of the small bubble of conversation that they created.
It made Ellie melt every time, especially when Dina’s eyes looked like they were swallowing her in while also giving her a rush of life at the same time. It made Ellie’s skin tingle with anticipation, and she could never seem to get her breathing right whenever she made eye contact with the girl.
Ellie never thought about eyes until she met Dina.
She found herself looking into them more and more.
Ellie believed that she noticed how big and beautiful Dina’s eyes were when they were at the bonfire together, Ellie playing the guitar while Dina smiled and swayed along to her strumming. She didn’t know how she spent her four years in Jackson just not recognizing the vast beauty that Dina’s eyes were, but that night, she felt her world shift in the slightest way.
Dina was gazing at her with that stare. The stare that made Ellie weak to the knees and willing to do whatever Dina asked of her.
Dina was looking at her with her favorite gaze, and because of that she nearly fucked up the chords and made a fool out of herself in front of everybody else.
It didn’t matter, though, because she and Dina were in their own enclosed bubble, one where nobody except them mattered, and Ellie’s voice and gape were the only things that grounded them to earth.
Ellie felt her body tingle with want, and she had to fight the urge to put her guitar down and slam her lips against Dina’s.
It was so fucking hard.
Dina’s eyes at that moment were so deep, and dark, and brown, and magnetizing that Ellie had to hold back a whine from how hard her heart was slamming against her chest from pure impulse.
It was so fucking hard.
Ellie considered changing her favorite color from green to brown because of it.
She didn’t want to look away.
Ellie couldn’t bring herself to look at Dina, look into those bottomless eyes of hers.
She felt as though she would break if she did.
She knew that she had to go, that she couldn't stay for the sake of Dina and JJ.
She had to leave for herself.
But as she heard Dina’s breath become shaky, her words turn wobbly, and her whimpers of hurt come out more and more often, Ellie wasn’t sure if it was worth it.
She almost didn’t want to leave.
She opened her eyes nervously, her heart pounding in her throat as she made eye contact with– her love, her very heart and soul, her rock, her everything – Dina. The redness around Dina’s eyes only made her heart shatter, and Ellie had to will herself not to cry.
Stay, is what Dina pleaded.
What she begged for.
What she hoped.
Ellie couldn’t bring herself to do one simple thing and she hated herself for it.
As Dina held her face– always so gentle, even while Ellie was breaking her heart – Ellie felt her mind fight for and against Dina’s words.
Yes, we do have a family. No, she could never be more important than you, than us. I love you. I can’t stay to prove that. Joel was family. Joel was a father. My father. Abby ruined everything, ruined me. I know she ruined you. Why can’t this be easy? I love you, I love you, I love you. It hurts how much I love you and our son. I can’t stay. I can’t stay. I can’t stay. Please forgive me.
As Ellie stared into Dina’s eyes, she felt her will to leave only break into pieces. Dina looked so fucking hurt. So beautiful, and tired, yet so betrayed.
Ellie wished that she was stronger.
Ellie wished that her heart didn’t melt so fast at the sight of Dina’s pleading eyes.
Her hand somehow felt so heavy when she placed it on Dina’s wrist, and it felt even heavier when Dina slid her hand down and let go of her, almost like that was the final snip of a thread that held the both of them together.
It was even worse when Dina stepped away and faced her back to her.
She knew that Dina was trying to be strong.
That only made Ellie feel so weak.
Ellie could tell that Dina was trying to will herself to breathe, to talk, to be the bigger person.
It hurt knowing that Dina was building up a wall to protect herself from Ellie.
“I’m not gonna do this again,” rang in Ellie’s ears as she continued to stare at Dina’s back, mentally begging Dina to turn around, look at me, I can’t handle knowing that my last memory of you will be your back facing me as you cried.
“That’s up to you,” felt like the final blow to their relationship, and Ellie had to bite her tongue after she said it, after she saw how Dina curled into herself a little more at her words.
Ellie left with a bag on her shoulders and guilt settled deeply into her stomach.
Dina’s sad, soulful eyes lingered in the back of her mind, and the painful fluttering of her heart at the thought of them only made Ellie tremble.
She wished she was better.