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Hyunjin is wide awake. He hasn't been able to fall asleep for the past three hours. Not after what happened. Not that much happened. But it felt much. He hates it.
It would be a lie if he said he's surprised because there isn't anything surprising about it. Everyone who has talked to Seungmin has a crush on him.
Hyunjin is Seungmin's best friend, of course, he has a crush on him. What isn't there to love? Seungmin is a great listener, he's nice, caring, determined, and hard-working. So really it's silly that Hyunjin thought that he would never look at Seungmin as anything more than a friend. So silly, so stupid.
He has no idea how he didn't realise that earlier. It took him a sunset and one glance at Seungmin.
He just has to close his eyes and that's all he sees.
Seungmin in Hyunjin's jacket, the summer breeze being colder than expected. He has a camera in his hands. But he's not taking photos. Yet. He's too mesmerised by the sea, by the sun, by the colours that range from blue to peach colour.
Hyunjin knows it's beautiful, but he doesn't look at the sea. Because he can see it in Seungmin's eyes.
The breeze slightly moves Seungmin's hair and he blinks. It's such a simple action, everyone blinks, but Seungmin somehow makes it look graceful.
Hyunjin opens his eyes again. He looks at his dark ceiling, but he still can't stop thinking about peach eyes and the blue sky.
He rolls on his side. He could easily text Seungmin and tell him about his newfound feelings, but why would he? Why would he risk the friendship, when he is perfectly content with it?
He loves Seungmin, he loves hanging around him and yes it might hurt a little now, but he is alright with that. It's better than never talking to Seungmin ever again.
He takes his phone that has been charging on the nightstand. It's three am. He sighs and unlocks it.
If he video-called Seungmin, Seungmin would answer. That's how much of a good friend he is. And then in the morning, Hyunjin would buy him coffee for staying awake for him.
He doesn’t call him. He can't face him yet. Hyunjin isn't sure when he could, but hopefully tomorrow. They always have lunch together.
Whenever it's Seungmin's time to pay for lunch, Hyunjin never gets dessert. It doesn't matter though. Seungmin gets him dessert anyway.
Hyunjin opens Instagram. He sees sunset photos. That Seungmin took. Hyunjin is tagged in it. The caption says “Always together under the same sky”. It's a bit cheesy. Hyunjin likes it that way.
He taps twice and sees a heart appear. He reposts it on his story. He always does that. He claims to be Seungmin's number-one fan. Seungmin doesn't agree. He says his mom is his number one fan.
Hyunjin scrolls. There are many selfies, some photos from vacations, cats, and paintings.
None of the photos seem to catch Hyunjin's attention and he closes the app. His arms fall on the sheets. He sighs.
He feels haunted. There's a certain emptiness inside him. He knows what it is, but he doesn't give it a name.
If I don't give it a name, it isn't acknowledged. It isn't. It doesn't exist. Right?
He leaves his phone on the sheets as he puts his hands on his face, rubbing any sleep that’s left away. His eyes hurt. He should sleep.
He gets up. Hyunjin goes to get a water bottle from his mini fridge. The cold water travels through his body. Slowly he feels more and more awake.
Hyunjin falls on his bed. His phone falls on the floor, but he doesn’t bother to take it. Seungmin would scold him for not taking care of his belongings.
It reminds Hyunjin of the time they were studying at the library. Well… Seungmin was studying. Hyunjin was mostly staring. At assignments, but also occasionally at Seungmin. He’s cute when focused. There’s nothing that can distract Seungmin when he’s focused.
Hyunjin doesn’t think Seungmin realises that he pouts when he can’t think of an answer. Or when he furrows his brows when he reads something confusing. Or that he puts his lips in a thin line when he’s on a writing spree.
It’s adorable. Hyunjin could watch Seungmin studying for hours. No wonder he’s failing. Hyunjin chuckles.
Soon after he realises. Seungmin. He can’t stop thinking about Seungmin. It’s just Seungmin, Seungmin, Seungmin, Seungmin, Seung-
Beep
It’s his phone. He got a notification. Weird. He looks around for his phone. He can’t see it. It’s too dark.
He turns on the light. There it is. His heart clenches. He takes it and looks at the notification.
Oh. It’s a notification from Duolingo. He hasn’t been on the app for two months now. He should delete it. But he doesn’t.
He buries his face in the pillow. What was he expecting? Seungmin is still sleeping. He’s very diligent with his sleep schedule. Unlike Hyunjin.
Ah, there it is. Seungmin once again has made his appearance in Hyunjin’s mind.
What should he do? Is there anything he can do? He takes his phone again and opens Tik Tok. He scrolls mindlessly and when he sees a puppy he sends it to Seungmin.
Seungmin isn’t often on Tik Tok. He opens it once a week and complains that there are 87 messages from Hyunjin. To that, Hyunjin says that Seungmin doesn’t need to have a for you page thanks to Hyunjin.
He smiles. Seungmin makes him so happy. Why should he stop thinking about him? He doesn’t think he can love Seungmin any more than he already does. The damage is done. And so be it.
He loves Seungmin. He won’t hide it from himself. He won’t stop himself from loving Seungmin. It makes him happy. And as long as it does, he’s lucky.