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Gina still came to Friday night happy hour at Shaw’s. Because of course she did. She was Gina Linetti, The Queen, after all. Her usual bar M.O. was to prowl around the perimeter looking for any hot prospects, but this Friday she made a beeline straight for Amy.
“Amy Santiago, my little padawan. You got some serious nookie last night. Up high.” Gina let go of a little wheelie suitcase and held up a perfectly manicured hand. Amy suspected the suitcase was stuffed with purloined office supplies but honestly with Gina, it could be anything.
Amy ignored the high five and gave her best approximation of a wide-eyed, innocent stare. “I have no idea what you’re going on about. You must be mad.”
God, she sucked at improvising. Undercover was one thing, but when she was lying about her personal life, she went all proper and British. At this rate, she’d be talking about crumpets next. She resisted the urge to scan the crowd for Jake and give away everything.
The rest of the squad might know they were dating, but the Vulture didn’t. And he was here tonight, acting like his usual oily self. The last thing they needed was him picking up on something between Jake and Amy.
As for telling the NYPD alert system otherwise known as Gina anything personal? No way.
Gina folded her arms. Classic Linetti pose. That meant she was about to give a reading. Or maybe this one was shade? Amy could never keep up with Gina-speak and Google had lied to her before.
“I know you guys think you're detectives. It's so cute. Let me show you how it’s done. Exhibit A. You’re wearing a classic Amy Santiago second date dress. J. Crew, a couple seasons out of date, and in a terminally boring purple color.”
"It’s aubergine and maybe I wanted to wear a dress to work. Ha ha!" Amy tried to snap her fingers together, but they didn't make a sound. Great. Nervous, sweaty fingers.
"Uh-uh. Pantsuits give you life. I’m pretty sure you shower in one.”
"Maybe I have a date tonight." Amy's words came out in a rush. Oooh. The panic was rising. Must remain calm.
"Nope. You wouldn't be here with these losers. You're wearing this because you didn't have time to change. Which means you went to his place and stayed the night.” Gina tapped her fingers together. “So that’s interesting right there.”
Amy had been spending the night at Jake’s a lot, which was kind of surprising. Not just because they were so comfortable together, but that she was comfortable at Jake’s. It wasn’t clean clean like her place, but it wasn’t a disgusting bachelor nightmare either. He'd even upgraded from a bathtub full of mail to a laundry basket full of mail. She suspected he was making more of an effort for her sake. She’d be lying if it wasn’t a little flattering.
“Santiago, you're drifting. Pay attention. Exhibit B.” The sexy strut was gone. Gina now paced back and forth with all the purposeful intent of Jill Hennessy in a Law and Order rerun. “You’re rocking one lone stud earring. I appreciate you’re trying to bring back the George Michael look. But number one, it’s not happening and number two, I would wear it better. So you lost an earring somewhere. Doesn’t sound like the neat, orderly Amy Santiago I know.”
Amy had a brief flash of a memory. Taking one of her earrings out and setting it by Jake’s Spongebob toothbrush. Then Jake surprising her with her own Spiderman toothbrush (he said it was because she was also an awesome New York City crime fighter). That led to kissing. Then, ummm, other stuff, and yeah, she had forgotten where her other earring went, now that she thought about it. Had she really gone without it all day and not noticed?
“Oh and I buried the lede. You have a ginormous hickey on your neck. I think it might be in the shape of koala bear.” Gina’s phone clicked. “My followers are going to love this.”
Amy touched her neck. There was a definite sore spot there. She glared at Jake from across the bar. He gave an innocent shrug, or a good imitation of one. Okay, making out in the supply closet had been fun, but she never should have trusted him afterwards when he said she looked “great, as always.” Had her hair been hiding it? Was there concealer in her purse? Was it already too late? Was everyone talking about her already? Breathe, Amy, breathe.
"Luckily for you, I've got something to cover that." Gina pulled out a loose, flowing scarf from her Kate Spade knockoff purse. The scarf was printed with wolves riding unicorns. How was that even possible?
Amy couldn’t believe she was doing this, but she grimaced and held out her hand. Rosa’s wardrobe did not extend to scarves and Amy wasn’t about to give Pembroke any more fuel for a crude comment.
Gina held the scarf out of reach. “Uh-uh, Princess Buttercup. You’re not getting this magical creation until you give up the deets. Did you enchant him with your old lady perfume of rubber cement and gum drops? Did you meet at a nursing home?”
Amy bit her lip. "No. Just no. I'm not saying anything."
And then of course, Jake strolled over. "What's going on over here?"
"Some guy is marking their territory on Amy and she won't give me any juicy details. " Gina flourished the scarf. "I'm holding onto this until she talks."
Jake fake gasped at the hickey and then frowned. "Don't shut your friends out, Santiago. Life is too short."
Ugh, he was enjoying this way too much.
Gina made a face. "Fine. I’m going to have to seduce the information of Terry. If anyone understands the Walk of Shame, it's Regina Rambo Linetti. ” And with that last shot, Gina sauntered off.
“Rambo?” Amy whispered once she was out of earshot.
"I think it’s her mother’s maiden name, but honestly I was always afraid to ask.” Jake smiled and it was The Smile. Not the smirk, not the shit eating grin, or the the grimace. But the real smile.
Amy experienced a funny flip flop feeling between her stomach and her heart. She had this buzzing awareness whenever Jake was close to her. She had felt it for a while, probably longer than she would ever admit, but now it ten times stronger. It was almost painful to sit next to him and not be touching each other.
Gina worked the room in typical Ruler of the Universe fashion. She managed to flirt with everyone, score a free drink, and text, all at once. She might "just a personal assistant", but she had better informers than any cop in the precinct. She was going to figure this out.
“Jake, go mingle. Quick, before she gets suspicious," Amy said.
“Uh-uh. I'm right where I want to be.” He looked at her like she was gummy bears, and hot fudge sundaes, and double rainbows and ugh, it was thrilling and exasperating.
Amy looked away. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you? Stop it. Stop looking at me. Everyone is going to know. We have to be circumspect.”
“I’m not sure what that word means, but I'm going to try to use it in Scrabble,” Jake said.
"You've never played Scrabble in your life."
He slipped his hand on her leg. "There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Amy Santiago."
Her whole body tensed. She willed herself not to react, although she couldn't help but lean a little bit closer to him, close enough to get a whiff on his spicy aftershave. This was a really bad idea.
"Have I told you, you look very sexy in this?" He inched his index finger gently up her skirt to the inside of her thigh.
She moaned a little, then snapped back to reality. “Jake. We could get caught."
He paused, his palm warm and heavy on her skin. "I can stop."
"I didn't say stop exactly." She said. Her voice was a little breathy.
“I have whole new ways of torturing you. This is awesome.” He found the fastener of her thigh high stocking and began to fidget with it.
Her hand clamped over his. “Peralta, I swear to god. If we get caught because of this -”
“I kind of love it you are calling me Peralta right now, but -"
He never got to finish his sentence because Gina chose that moment to come back. His hand slipped away. In spite of herself, she stifled a little sigh of disappointment.
“I couldn’t break Terry, although I tried my damndest. When I asked Boyle, he just giggled. So he's an nonstarter. Rosa pulled out her Mace and glared.”
Gina stared into the middle distance and then spun back on her stiletto heels. She pantomimed firing a gun at Jake. “Jakey, you know all of Amy’s bid-ness. Who is this tragic guy?”
Jake smirked. Amy swore she would use her pencil sharpener on his pinkies on Monday. Just to wipe that look off his face.
Jake put his fist to his chin, elbow on the table, trying for a thoughtful look. “Can't say I know. Amy, who did you drop your granny panties for? Now would you say he was the best lover you’ve ever had or possibly the best lover in the known universe?”
Suddenly she knew exactly how she wanted to play this. She looked down, rubbed at an imaginary wood stain, and managed a little sigh. “You know he was okay. Nothing to write home about. Mostly I felt sorry for him it had been so long since he’d been with a woman.” She looked up at both of them through lowered eyelids, doing her best to play it straight.
Now it was Jake's turn to glare and her turn to smirk. Score one point for Santiago.
Gina patted her arm. “Wow, it’s a real switcheroo for you to be on the giving half of the pity lay. Well, we all have our annual charitable contribution to make. You stored up some good sex karma now.”
She draped the scarf across Amy’s neck and gave her shoulder a squeeze. ‘I’m giving this to you free of charge. It improves your look by about 100 percent. Knock ‘em dead, tiger.”
Gina strolled away, content to fill the jukebox with Beyonce and start a dance off.
“Payback time, Peralta.” Amy muttered, standing up from her bar stool.
“Is this like the time you shaved my troll dolls’ heads?” There was a hint of nervousness in Jake’s voice. Good.
“Oh, I have all new ways of torturing you now.” Amy licked her lips, very deliberately.
Jake's eyes widened. “Is that a threat or a promise?”
“You’re about to find out.” She walked away, not with her usual no-nonsense stride but with a hint of swagger in her hips. She’s no Gina, but she was reasonably sure it worked. Looking back to see if Jake was watching would ruin the effect.
When she reached the women's restroom, she checked first to make sure it was empty. She locked the stall door behind her, doing her best to ignore the gross graffiti suggestions scribbled everywhere.
She wiggled the tiny black silk panties down her freshly waxed legs. Then she smoothed her dress back down, flush with the feeling of freedom. She dangled the panties from one hand and snapped a selfie with the other. She kept it simple. “Do these look like granny panties to you?”
Less than a minute later her phone buzzed. “Please tell me those are staying off for the rest of the night.”
“Only if you’re good.” She sent it back without letting herself think about it too much.
Yeah, okay she's never been the prude everyone thought she was, but whatever she had with Jake was on another level. She wanted to fight with him, make him laugh, and rip his clothes off all at once.
A familiar voice came from the other side of the stall. “This isn't a booty call for Jake. You break his heart and I’ll break your legs. Not even joking. I know people.”
Gina would have made a hell of a mob boss. Amy stared at her shoes. “I have no idea what you’re talking about."
But she neatly folded the underwear into her purse and opened the bathroom stall. Gina was standing there, hands on hips, head cocked at a sassy angle.
“So what gave it away? Who told? Did Boyle break? I told Jake that Charles was going to be the weak link.”
Gina gave a throaty laugh. “Are you kidding? Jacob Peralta has zero chill. When he looks at you, little cartoon birds fly around his head. Also, you guys left the supply closet a mess. Finding the stuff worth stealing took forever. It didn’t take a genius to figure out. Although, I am genius, just fyi. I mostly played along to see you squirm.”
“Please don’t tell Captain Pembroke. He’s being such a creep about everything.”
Gina huffed, honestly offended for once. Maybe? “And ruin the greatest love affair since Zack Slater and Kelly Kapowski?”
“I see us more as more like A.C. Slater and the actress from Showgirls. You know what. I’ll stop there.”
Gina nodded. “Absolutely. Quit while you’re ahead. Screech would have been more accurate for both of you. But yeah, your secret is safe with me. Pinkie swear.”
They hooked fingers and solemnly shook on it. Amy let out a breath she hadn’t even realized she was holding in. “You can have all the Milky Way Darks in my desk. The ones I’m hiding from Jake.”
“Sounds perfect.” Gina grinned her Cheshire cat grin.
“You already took them, didn’t you?”
“Would you have me live like a feral animal over in PR? They’re totally uncivilized. No vending machines."
“Gina, thank you for keeping this a secret. Really. "
Gina rolled her eyes. “Ugh, Winnie Cooper, go hold hands under the table with your boyfriend already. Please, before I throw up.” Somehow, the words didn't come out with her usual venom.
"Gina, you wouldn't be actually happy for us, would you?"
Gina scoffed. "What? Ew, no. Shut up."
But Gina's eyes shone, not "Sparkle Surprise" but with real delight. And Amy suspected Gina was secretly very happy indeed.