Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chuuya sighed as he finally shut the door to his apartment. It had felt like the day would never end. His paperwork had been piling up, because he’d been out a lot on field mission, lately. And there was nothing more horrible than sitting at a desk, working through stuffy paperwork for hours on end. 

By now, the only thing Chuuya wanted to do was open a bottle of wine, and then head to bed. 

He knew it wasn’t normal to drink as regularly as he did, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t like there was anybody to stop him, anyway. 

He’d given up on somebody coming to check on him a long time ago. 

Every now and then Kouyou would send him a concerned glance, when he’d overdone it the night before, and the circles under his eyes were even more prominent than usual. 

It’s been happening more often recently. 

Chuuya hadn’t even noticed he was zoning out, working entirely on autopilot, until he snapped back into focus and found himself standing in front of the fridge. 

He tiredly rubbed over his face. God, he was so exhausted. But he couldn’t go to bed without drinking something first. 

The dark thoughts in head had been getting louder for a while now, only spurred on by Arahabaki stirring the flames that engulfed his mind. 

It’s not like he couldn’t go to bed without alcohol. It was just so hard , ignoring the whispers in his ears, commenting, encouraging whatever dark desire he had in the back of his mind. 

For the first time, he finally understood Dazai. And wasn’t that just a scary thought. 

He wouldn’t kill himself, he couldn’t. 

There were people he’d leave behind, Akutagawa, Kouyou... 

His life wasn’t his own, and he’d come to accept that. 

But that didn’t make it any easier to bear. He just wanted somebody to notice. He wanted somebody to see that he was hurting, that he was at the end of his rope, and still steadily declining. 

And yet, there wasn’t anybody. Nobody to help with the nightmares. With the increasing numbness he felt, every time he failed another mission that left casualties. 

In the end, he’d learnt that it was easier to let himself be numb. It helped combat the horrible loneliness he felt, whenever he thought about his dead friends, about the betrayal he’d experienced, the hurt when his partner left the mafia. Left him to go live a better life, leaving him behind in the dark. 

Chuuya knew he’d never escape from the shadows clinging to him. 

And so, he held his head up high and continued onwards. 

When Chuuya opened his eyes, the first thing he noticed was the stinging light of the sun, burning like hot iron into his skull. 

He groaned and tried to turn around to bury himself in his pillows, but he never made it that far. 

With a loud thump he was suddenly on the floor. 

“Fuck.” 

He didn’t remember much from the night before, but it seemed he had failed to go to his bed and instead, ended up crashing on the couch. 

While he heaved himself up on his feet, he realised that his head was positively throbbing with a stabbing pain that way only made worse when he got up. 

The world was swaying dangerously, and he barely managed to stumble to a wall for support, neatly avoiding slamming head-first into the coffee table. The coffee table that was littered with two empty bottles of wine and another one that was also good on its way to being empty. 

That explains the headache. 

After patting himself down for his phone, he found it in his pocket and turned it on to look at the time. 

He wasn’t late, yet, but he certainly would be if he took his time. 

Chuuya made his way to the bathroom, where he dug out painkillers, probably downing one too many of the pills, but better safe than sorry, he decided. The cold tap water was wonderful for his parched throat but settled only just in his stomach, leaving a churning sensation that he was praying would go away before his shift started. 

The rest of his morning routine was so practiced, he didn’t have to think much. Showering, brushing his teeth, and getting dressed in something that didn’t reek of spilled alcohol. He ended up forgoing breakfast and simply settled for some tea to sooth his headache and upset stomach. 

It actually did help a bit. 

By the time he made it to work, he almost passed as presentable. He probably shouldn’t be so good at being able to hide his condition so well, but he’s had years of practice. 

And so, he made his way to his office, curtly greeting his subordinates with a nod. It made him feel a bit guilty for being impolite, but he didn’t quite trust his voice not to betray him so early in the morning. 

Unlike yesterday, that day passed by like a breeze. Chuuya wasn’t able to recall much of it, his mind had grown distant and hazy, blocking out the thoughts that usually kept him awake, but also hindering him from properly getting any work done. 

Chuuya didn’t notice this, though. He was lost in his head, a fog having settled over his mind. 

He thought somebody might have tried to talk to him, at some point. Coming into his office to say, something. 

He didn’t know, he didn’t care. 

When he left the building, he wasn’t sure if he was actually supposed to go home, yet. It felt right to go home, though, so he didn’t stop in his departure. 

It was probably not a good idea to ride a motorcycle in his condition, but Chuuya didn’t care. Nobody was there to stop him, anyway. 

He was glad when he finally arrived at the door to his home. Everything felt so heavy, he wasn’t sure if his limbs would have supported him any longer. 

The air in his apartment was stale, he didn’t open a window when he’d left for work, so the lingering smell of alcohol was still there. 

He didn’t have the energy to open a window. 

Chuuya headed straight for his bedroom, chucking off his constricting clothes on the way, haphazardly throwing them on the floor, not caring where they landed. 

He was left in only his boxers and went to his closet to pull out a hoodie. It was too big on him, making the sleeves hide his hands. 

While he might have sworn to himself that he’d get rid of everything that mackerel bastard had touched, he couldn’t help but keep it. 

It was soft and comfortable, and if he closed his eyes tightly, he could almost feel warm arms embracing him. 

Chuuya buried himself under his blanket, leaving his head to stick out for air, but otherwise cocooned himself entirely. 

If he tried hard enough, he could pretend the burning in his eyes didn’t come from the loneliness burning painfully in his chest. The gaping wound that had never been able to close after it was made all those years ago. 

He pushed his head into his pillow, willing himself to fall asleep. It didn’t matter what time it was, or whether he had more important things to do. 

Nobody was there to stop him, anyway. 

Chapter Text

In the end, the reason he finally broke was, of course, fucking Dazai. 

Chuuya had been doing fine. 

Sure, the night after he’d gone home early to drink himself into a stupor, he’d woken up with the worst hangover since Dazai had gotten him properly drunk. 

And sure, maybe he was barely getting any sleep these past few weeks, but he was handling everything just, fine. 

He was still completing his missions and he was also still handing all his paperwork in on time, so Mori had no reason to complain. 

In fact, the man had summoned him to his office just that morning, informing him of another collaborate mission with the ADA that Chuuya was supposed to participate in. Some smuggling ring that had been getting a little too troublesome, and since the detectives had already been on the case, Mori suggested that it would be easiest for Chuuya to simply cooperate with them. 

With suggesting, he of course meant, ordered. Nothing Mori ever said was meant as a mere request or suggestion. 

Which is why he was now on his way to the meeting point. 

He’d asked if he was supposed to bring any back-up, but Mori had said there shouldn’t be too many complications, and he was also working with the detectives as manpower, after all. 

So, Chuuya was left to deal with the mission alone. Not that he doubted himself. He was strong enough to take on whatever was thrown at him, but even he knew that he wasn’t at his best right now. 

Still, a bit of exhaustion wasn’t going to stop him. 

He was early for the meet-up, so Chuuya took the time to look around a bit, eyeing the many buildings at the port. At least three of them were connected to the smuggling ring. There must be a massive amount of cargo stored there, Chuuya mused. No wonder the boss wanted the smugglers gone as soon as possible. Other people taking over some of their business could cost them greatly in the long run. Not to mention that they had the nerve to set up within mafia territory. 

Chuuya snorted as he pulled a box of cigarettes from his pocket, yeah, those idiots were going down for sure. 

Lighting up his cigarette, he inhaled deeply, enjoying the slight burn in his lungs. 

He waited a while like this, eventually stubbing out what was left of the cigarette. 

It was getting close to the meeting time. Chuuya thought they’d be earlier, considering that blond guy’s obsession with his schedule. 

“Chuuuyaa~” 

Ugh.

If he hadn’t already been having a shit time, this would have guaranteed it. Of course, that asshole would be part of the mission. 

Taking a deep breath, Chuuya tried to steal himself for the upcoming disaster that would be the next few hours. 

“Is my dog ignoring me, now? So mean! See that you never become that rude, Atsushi. It makes for horrible manners!” 

Fuck this, Chuuya didn’t know if he could take Dazai’s bullshit for another minute. 

“Would you stop comparing me to a fucking dog!? That joke got old years ago, you fucker.” 

“My, my, Chibi is so sensitive today. Did you forget to eat? You should be careful, I hear it does bad things for your growth.” 

The arrogant smirk on the mackerel’s face made Chuuya want to punch him into next tuesday, but they were interrupted before it could come to that.  

“Could we, please, just stick to the plan? We’re already late and we still need to go over some key points for the mission!” 

Chuuya only rolled his eyes at the blond's nagging, but he didn’t have the energy to entertain Dazai in his stupid bickering, if he wanted the mission to go over well. 

Dazai only cast him a quick side-eyed glance that was met with a glare, and that was that. 

For the most part, their plan worked. 

Wait till the smugglers’ meeting had started and everybody was there, get close enough to gather potentially useful information, and then bust the place, taking down all the people inside. 

While ‘taking down’ probably meant arresting for the detectives, Chuuya had his own orders to not let any potential threat escape. 

So, when things started going sideways during the fight, he first viewed it as an excellent excuse to take out the smugglers that were still standing. 

What nobody had expected, however, was for there to be an ability user in the midst. 

It became obvious the moment tiger boy got too close to what they had made out to be one of the leaders. 

As soon as the boy’s hand touched the man’s skin, the weretiger suddenly dropped to the ground, where he stayed unmoving and with closed eyes. 

While the blond guy- Chuuya really needed to learn their names- still stared in shock, the smuggler cackled in glee. 

“Not such a tough kitty anymore, eh?” A rough kick to the boy’s side made blondie spring into action. 

“Kunikida, no!” That was Dazai, but why would he- 

Blond- Kunikida, charged at the still snickering man, anger obvious on his face. 

He even got a couple of hits in with some form of bo staff from his book, but he, too, crumbled to the floor the instant he touched the man’s bare skin. 

So, a touch activated ability that incapacitated anyone that gets exposed to it. 

At least he wouldn’t have to worry about shitty Dazai falling victim to that guy. Chuuya would be able to concentrate solely on that bastard. 

“Say, did you really think we wouldn’t expect an ambush?” 

This made Chuuya slightly halt in his stance. Something felt off. 

He looked over to Dazai, who was looking at the other guy in boredom. Nothing serious then, nothing he wouldn’t be able to handle. 

“To think that the mafia really underestimated us that much, I’m hurt!” The man dramatically feigned a wounded chest. “And now we’ve even taken out two of your fighters! I’m sure my boys will have so much fun with you! If you survive long enough, that is.” 

And suddenly, from the other warehouses they’d already been observing, came even more goons. 

Armed to the teeth, they made for a horrifying predicament to their opponents. 

Well. 

Maybe if they had cornered anybody else. 

As it was, Chuuya took a look around. Dazai and him were entirely surrounded. Tiger boy and Kunikida were out for the count, still sprawled out by the smuggler’s feet. 

It seemed, Chuuya would be getting paid extra for this. He’d at least wrangle a vacation day out of Mori. 

“Is that so?” He said back, and, without breaking eye contact to the smuggler, “Oi, Dazai! How many men are we talking?” 

“Ne, Chuuya, did my dog already forget how to count? I thought that only happened with old age! Although, maybe the Chibi is pretty old, for a mutt like you.” 

No number, still under hundred, then. Barely worth noting, no need for anything drastic.  

Still, Chuuya wasn’t exactly at his best today... 

The first shot had him snap his head around, and just like that, any doubt filling his mind, was gone. 

This is what he was good at. He excelled at it. 

Fighting is something he’d been doing for as long as he could remember. 

The movements were all familiar, as was the burn in his chest from the exhaustion. 

It only fuelled him on. 

By the time the once laughing bastard was the only one left standing, he’d long since stopped smiling. He was now gazing into the terrifying eyes of a man that promised pain if he didn’t get what he wanted. 

Chuuya held the man up by his collar. He was breathing heavily at this point, not that the guy in front of him noticed. Chuuya was lucky the man hadn’t pissed himself, yet. 

“Now, why don’t we start with that little ability of yours?” 

The man basically started wailing. 

“Please! Please, I’m so sorry, we will never back here, I swear! Just let me go! I can get you whatever you want!” 

Chuuya grit his teeth together, holding the man a little higher, effectively further cutting off his air supply. 

“What the fuck could I possibly want from scum like you. Tell me what the hell you did to my allies, or I will start ripping you apart piece by piece until you’re begging to be killed.” 

He didn’t usually get this violent with his threats when it came to mere smugglers, but his patience was limited and the energy he’d had for this mission was slowly draining out of him. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a certain mackerel stepping closer. 

He looked back at the man he was holding when the guy finally decided to let something usfeul come out of his mouth. 

“Please, I swear they’re okay! Just sleeping! It’s basically like a coma that takes effect as soon as somebody touches me. While I’m controlling it, I can decide however long I want them to stay in that state and as soon as I drop my hold on them, they’ll be waking up in just a few moments. I swear that’s all! Please don’t hurt me!” 

God, this guy was really pathetic. 

Chuuya knocked the man out, before he could spew any more of his bullshit, then he turned to Dazai. 

“I don’t know if that was enough to stop his control over his ability, so go ahead and touch him to be sure. I kept him alive, so we can further question him, should anything else come up.” 

“Chibiii~ I didn’t know you care so much about my colleagues!” 

Chuuya rolled his eyes. 

“Tch, just go do your thing and we can all get this shit over with. And stop with that shitty ass nickname, already.” 

It was probably a testament to how exhausted Chuuya really was that he wasn’t screaming his head off at Dazai. Though he couldn’t care less at the moment whether or not the stupid bastard noticed. 

He wanted to finally go home and take some well-deserved rest. Now, that the adrenaline was leaving him, Chuuya felt so much worse than before. 

Whereas he was still able to uphold a certain appearance before, he was now just happy to be standing on his own two feet. His legs were shaking just noticeable enough for a certain bastard to see, and his head was starting to work its way to a throbbing pain in his temple. 

He wanted to fucking sleep. 

Movement on the ground told him that Dazai had taken care of the guy’s ability while he was staring off into space, and the two ada members were back online again. 

“What happened Dazai-san? Is it over?” 

The weretiger was looking around with a confused look on his face. Granted, there were a lot more people lying around than there were before he fell unconscious. 

Dazai, however, didn’t really acknowledge the kid. He was staring thoughtfully at Chuuya. 

“The fuck you want!?” 

What was supposed to come out as a biting remark, severely lacked in the force behind it. 

Chuuya was only trying to keep up his bravado through pure stubbornness. He didn’t possess the energy it took to banter with Dazai. 

The bandaged man took a few steps towards him, definitely intruding in Chuuya’s personal space, the redhead thought sourly. 

“I thought Chuuya was supposed to be the one that takes care of himself.” It was said in such a soft voice, Chuuya had almost forgotten that Dazai could sound this way. No teasing remark on his tongue, ready to tear at the last pieces of Chuuya’s sanity. 

Instead, it was replaced with a warm tone he only ever used when he was talking to Chuuya. Specifically, when Chuuya had gone beyond his limit and had to rely on Dazai for help. 

“You- Don’t you fucking dare talk to me like you know me, bastard! It’s been four years. You don’t know shit about me!” 

Chuuya really didn’t know what to make of Dazai’s sudden attitude change, so he held onto the only thing he had. The hurt and rage he felt ever since Dazai had left him. 

Dazai simply hummed in thought. 

“It doesn’t seem like the Chibi has changed all that much, when he is still overworking himself until somebody steps in. I’m surprised Ane-san is still letting you run around like this. I’d have thought she would have strapped you to a bed by now.” 

Chuuya only blinked at him owlishly. 

What the fuck did this have to do with anything? 

“And now the slug is too tired to even properly entertain me. My, what am I gonna do now?” 

“I’m not just your stupid entertainment. I want to go home now, so leave me alone.” 

Before he could turn away, a hand reached out and grabbed his arm, stopping him from leaving. 

“Chuuya, what’s wrong?” 

Chuuya’s head was a mess of thoughts swirling around, making no sense, at all. 

He’d been doing so well, up until now. He was dealing with his problems, maybe not in the most healthy way, but he was dealing with them. 

All this time he wanted nothing more than for someone to see, to finally take notice of how bad he’s feeling. 

And now somebody was right in front of him, asking what was wrong. Of course, it had to be Dazai. 

Chuuya didn’t want to deal with this anymore. He was tired, and his whole body was aching. 

He couldn’t wrap his head around why Dazai suddenly decided to be nice to him, and it was too frustrating to try putting the pieces together in his head. Nothing fit. 

Why couldn’t he just be at home? Wrapped in a warm blanket, maybe watching some tv. A hot chocolate sounded great right now. 

“Chibi?” 

A warm hand was on his cheek, Chuuya couldn’t help but slightly lean into it. 

Then he realised who was standing in front of him and he reeled back. 

If the brunet was hurt by his action, he didn't show it. 

“I don’t think you should be going home by yourself. How about you let me accompany you, instead?” 

A ruckus from behind startled Chuuya back into his other surroundings. 

“Dazai! You can’t just run off with a mafia executive! We still have to return to the agency and fill out the report!” 

Right, they weren’t alone here. 

Chuuya didn’t know how he could have forgotten that. Dazai had just been so nice to him, like back when they were still partners. Back when he would- 

His eyes widened. 

No. He hadn’t done that in years. No matter how much his brain screamed for the release. And even when he had considered trying to indulge it, it didn’t work, anyway. Not since Dazai had left. 

Chuuya had obviously missed some sort of conversation because they were now all looking at him and oh god, what did he miss? Was he still supposed to do something? Did he do something wrong? Why was he not just allowed to go home? He was so tired, please, he just wanted to go. 

His breath hitched softly. 

Chuuya was working himself up, he knew that, but he had no idea how to stop it. The thoughts just came flooding in and he didn’t even know what was going on anymore. 

“Chuuya, breathe.” Chuuya’s eyes snapped over to Dazai, who was slowly stepping close again. “It’s okay, nothing bad is happening. We were just discussing our reports on the mission.” 

“R-reports?”, he stammered out. When did he become so breathless? 

“Yeah. But you don’t have to worry about that, right now. Let me bring you home, okay?” 

Chuuya was so overwhelmed. He didn’t know what to think. The only thing he knew was that if Dazai took him home, then the man would leave him again, afterwards. He didn’t want to go through that again. 

“No, no, I don’t want that. I can go alone.” 

“Chibi, it’s not really up for debate. You can barely stand, just let me help you.” 

If Chuuya had been any clearer in mind and didn’t have to think through a stabbing headache and sleep deprivation bearing down on him, he might have even noticed the concerned tinge in Dazai’s voice. But he didn’t, he was panicking. So did the only thing he knew how and lashed out. 

“No, leave me alone. Fuck off!” 

“Language.” 

That one word left Chuuya winded as if he had just been slapped in the face. 

Mackerel never reprimanded him about swearing. Not unless he was little. Which he wasn’t, Chuuya would know. 

“Um, Dazai-san, isn’t that going a bit too far?” 

The white-haired boy was standing a little to the side, shifting from foot to foot as he watched the spectacle before him. 

“Atsushi, why don’t you and Kunikida make your way back to the office? I’ll take care of the rest.” 

“But-” 

“Now, please, Atushi-kun.” 

Dazai sent a quick reassuring smile to the kid, who quickly nodded and dragged off an arguing Kunikida. 

“We’re alone now, Chuuya. You can let go. It’s okay, I’m right here to catch you.” 

Chuuya could feel his eyes stinging. This wasn’t fair. How could Dazai still make him feel this irrevocable trust in him? He didn’t want to trust Dazai! 

And yet, he knew he was completely safe if the other said so. 

His legs were buckling dangerously and soon he couldn’t hold himself up anymore. Tears began streaming down his face as he broke. 

And just as promised, two arms caught him before he fell to the ground. Steadily holding him to a chest that gave off a strong rhythm, helping in grounding him. 

“There you go, just breathe. In and out. You did so well, Chuuya, just leave the rest to me, now.” 

Chuuya couldn’t stop crying, if he tried. Sobs were spilling out his mouth and he was sure Dazai’s clothes would be ruined when he would be finished, but the other didn’t seem to mind. Only holding him close, gently running a hand through his hair and over his back. Providing the comfort, he so desperately craved. 

Chapter Text

A silent humming and a vibrating surface.  

A warm embrace and a hand softly carding through his hair.  

Chuuya was tempted to simply go right back to sleep. But something didn’t feel right.  

The mission. Chuuya was supposed to be on a mission. Did he pass out?  

“Chibi? You awake?”  

Chuuya hummed in confusion. He knew that voice. But what was it doing here? It wasn’t supposed to be here.  

“ ‘zai?” His eyelids were so heavy. He barely managed to open his eyes, only for the light shining through the windows to blind him. He couldn’t hold back the pained whimper at the sensation and tried to bury himself further in the collar of Dazai’s coat.  

Wait. Window? Dazai’s coat?  

It took a second for his brain to process all the information, until he finally understood that they were in a car. And considering that Chuuya wasn’t currently propped up against a cold window, he seemed to be sitting in Dazai’s lap. If you could call it sitting. He’d burrowed himself in Dazai’s neck, effectively taking advantage of the other’s coat to escape from the harsh light that was hurting his head.  

“We’re almost there, chibi. Then we can get you into your bedroom with the dark curtains. You think you’ll be alright until then?”  

Chuuya desperately wanted to say no. That he didn’t need or want Dazai to be here. But he also knew that there was no way Dazai would leave him alone, now. There were very few times Chuuya had managed to pass out on a mission that didn’t require corruption. And every time, that stupid mackerel would stick to him like a leech, afterwards. Not that Chuuya actually minded that much, but like hell would he ever admit to that.  

A light jostling of Dazai’s leg brought him out of his thoughts.  

“Chibi, I’m gonna need an answer. If you don’t feel well enough to make it home, you have to tell me.”  

Chuuya simply shook his head. He didn’t think he would throw up. Luckily, his headache hadn’t gotten that bad, yet.  

“No what? No, you don’t need a break? Or, no, you don’t think you’ll make it?”  

He knew Dazai was just trying to help, but Chuuya couldn’t bring out the words to explain. He only whined, lightly pulling at Dazai’s coat. Chuuya didn’t want to answer so many questions. He didn’t have the words.  

Dazai lightly shushed him and resumed carding his fingers through Chuuya’s locks.  

“Are we maybe non-verbal, chibi?”  

Oh, that could explain it. Dazai was really smart.  

Chuuya hummed noncommittally and gave a light shrug.  

“That’s okay. One tap for, you’re okay. And two for, you need a break.”  

Tapping. That was their old system, back when one of them couldn’t talk, for whatever reason.  

Chuuya gave a light tap on Dazai’s collarbone before grasping back at the other’s coat.  

The fabric was really nice and smooth.  

Chuuya slightly came out of his little hiding place to get a better look at the beige material.  

Unlike the coat from Dazai’s mafia days, this one looked like it was actually being taken care of and regularly cleaned.  

He pinched some of it between his fingers and let them run over the fabric. The sensation was oddly comforting, and he kept up the motion, the repetition almost lulling him back to sleep.  

“We’re here, sir.”  

Chuuya was thrown off by the sudden voice. Not only because he hadn’t expected it, but also because it had been years since he’d last heard it.  

The man, who had driven them, was one of Dazai’s old team members. He’d often brought them home, after missions. Without fail, the man had always brough them to their destination, safely. But what had stuck out to Chuuya the most, was that he had never brought up anything he happened to overhear in the car. Nor were ever any rumours going around that could have been brought up by him.  

Even Dazai had seen his value and trusted him, only ever requesting him for after-mission transportation.  

It seemed like the man’s loyalty had never wavered, even after four years.  

The cold rush from the door being opened, was certainly not amusing to Chuuya. Even if Dazai might have chuckled at the way Chuuya clung to him, in search of warmth.  

Secure arms under Chuuya’s legs and behind his back, held him tightly to Dazai’s chest.  

If Chuuya wasn’t so exhausted, he might have opposed to being carried around like that. But he couldn’t even bring himself to properly hold up his head, instead letting it rest on Dazai’s shoulder.  

The quiet conversation Dazai had with their driver, completely went over Chuuya’s head. His eyes were closing again, the earlier exhaustion from the mission still heavily in his bones.  

Chuuya hardly noticed when the door to his apartment was opened. He vaguely heard Dazai make an unhappy noise at the state of Chuuya’s flat, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.  

It was only when he was suddenly placed to sit on cold covers, that Chuuya snapped back awake.  

Dazai was turning around to leave, and Chuuya couldn’t let him do that. He’d only just gotten Dazai back, the other wasn’t allowed to leave Chuuya all alone, again.  

Before he even registered it, tears were burning in his eyes, and he was clumsily reaching out towards Dazai, desperate to not be left behind.  

At the noise of Chuuya’s chocked-up sob, Dazai snapped his head around so fast, something must have surely cracked.  

Within an instant, Dazai was crouching in front of Chuuya, gently wiping at the fresh tears.  

“I’m right here, Chuu. I was just going to get something to wear for bed. You don’t want to stay in these dirty clothes, right?”  

Chuuya sniffed. Dazai was right, his clothes felt really itchy after all the sweating, and they were hardly comfortable for sleeping in.  

He used his sleeve to rub at his eyes.  

“Mhm, itchy.”  

Dazai hummed in agreement, reaching out to carefully get Chuuya to stop rubbing so harshly at his eyes.  

“That’s right. So, I’m going to get something from the closet, right there. You can see me the whole time. Okay, chibi?”  

“Not leaving?”  

“I’m not leaving.”  

Chuuya took another second to look deep into the brown eyes of his partner. They held the same openness they always did, back when they were teenagers and the two caught a moment for themselves.  

He trusted those eyes.  

“Uh huh.”  

Dazai smiled at him, then got up and went over to the closet. Like he promised, Dazai stayed in Chuuya’s line of sight the whole time.  

Even so, Chuuya couldn’t help but anxiously start nibbling at his fingers.  

“Chibi?” He snapped to attention. “Do you think you can tell me where we’re at, right now?” Chuuya pondered over the question. His head was really fuzzy and he was too tired to really think over what answer Dazai wanted to hear. He just wanted for Dazai to hold him again. He wanted cuddles and something warm to drink.  

When had he slipped that deep?  

It was scary and Chuuya really wanted Dazai, now.  

He held out his arms again and made grabby hands to Dazai, signalling he wanted to be held again.  

Dazai took the clothes he’d grabbed from the closet and came back over to the bed. Putting the clothes aside for now, he sat on the bed and indulged Chuuya, holding him close.  

“You’re my tiny baby today, hm?”  

Chuuya didn’t really know why Dazai came to that conclusion, but he decided he didn’t care as long as he got held.  

So, he was decidedly not happy, when Dazia began pulling away, again.  

“I know, but we still have to change clothes, remember?”  

Oh, yeah, Chuuya forgot. Doesn’t mean he had to like it, though. Still, he let Dazai help him out of his work outfit and into the other one. He had to admit that this one was way nicer.  

“There we go. One comfy little chibi.” Dazai playfully booped his nose, making Chuuya go cross-eyed.  

It took less time for Dazai to change, and quickly, Chuuya was once again in his mackerel’s arms. Gently being bounced as they made their way to the kitchen.  

Chuuya was glad Dazai seemed to know where everything was and didn’t have to ask. Granted, over the last months, the other had broken into his apartment on a few occasions. Naturally, he would have noted Chuuya’s system to store things. Not that it had changed much, anyway.  

Currently, Dazai was humming some tune from a movie Chuuya couldn’t remember. Bustling around the kitchen, expertly going about his task as though he regularly only used one hand for it.  

Meanwhile, Chuuya had drifted into a light doze. Though, he was startled out of it by the loud beeping of the microwave. Before he could grow too fussy, Dazai had already taken to softly running a hand over his back and gently shushing him.  

Then they were back on their way to the bedroom.  

It was lucky, Chuuya hadn’t made the bed that morning. Dazai could easily sit on the bed with Chuuya in his arms and pull the blanket up to his waist.  

“Chuu, you wanna try drinking something? It should help with your headache.”  

Chuuya shook his head. He didn’t want to drink cold yucky water, even if it was gonna help.  

“You sure? I made warm milk for you, baby. And I promise, it’s sweet.”  

At that, Chuuya hesitantly lifted his head from Dazai’s neck. Warm milk sounded nice. And Dazai even remembered that he only like sweet things, otherwise he likely wouldn’t drink it.  

“Mi’k?”  

“Yeah, baby. It’s nice and warm, right here for you.”  

With gently movements, Dazai held Chuuya in a better position for drinking, so he wouldn’t choke, and he positioned the bottle, so Chuuya could easily take it in his mouth and begin drinking.  

At first, Chuuya was determined to hold the bottle, himself. It didn’t take long, though, until he forgot to hold it up enough, and he began coughing at the sudden air he sucked in.  

Steady hands helped him sit up better, and softly patted his back.  

“Careful, Chibi. Deep breaths, that’s it. Why don’t you let me hold the bottle, baby? I can see how tired you are, and it’s really fine, I promise. Just let yourself be my cute baby chuu, alright?”  

Chuuya didn’t end up fighting, much. Dazai was right, he was so tired, his eyes were burning, and he was only just staying awake.  

Dazai gently took the bottle from his hands and held it, instead. Chuuya had to admit it was nicer like this.  

When Dazai began humming again, Chuuya didn’t even try to fight sleep, anymore. He only registered the bottle being taken away, at some point, and his pacifier pressed between his lips. He had no idea, when Dazai had even managed to dig his stuff up from the back of his closet, but he was too sleepy and warm to think about it, too hard, now.  

The last thing he remembered were the warm lips pressed against the top of his head.  

“Good night, my little chuu.”