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Will wanted to help, he was a healer after all, helping was what he did but he knew there was nothing he could do this time.
When Nico had felt Leo ‘die’ he felt rage and annoyance at the son of Hephaestus. He had cheated death, something Nico didn’t like at all. With Jason, it was different …
Will walked up to Nico’s cabin, as he did every morning, but he could feel something was off. The air around the cabin felt colder, pressing in on him. When he had opened the doors he found Nico staring blankly into space, sat in the middle of his bed hiding in the shadows, the stillness unnerving. Nico was a quiet person but he rarely sat so still, he was always fidgeting and fiddling with something, but this morning he was perfectly still. Sat up straight, eyes not blinking, he didn’t even flinch when Will opened the door showing no signs he heard Will move towards him.
Will didn’t really know what to do. He could see Nico was evidently not okay, and when Nico wasn’t okay it was 50/50 whether he wanted Will near him or not. Will couldn’t gauge what to do. He wanted to run over and hug Nico but he was scared that Nico would shatter into pieces if he did. He looked so fragile, lost, empty.
‘Nico?’
The small shadow didn’t move. Will moved a step closer, careful not to move too suddenly.
‘Neeks…’
He heard Nico inhale sharply and burrow his into his chest, curling up on himself. At least he can hear me …Will thought anxiety rising in his chest. They had only been going out for 6 months and it had taken that long for Nico to get to a point where he trusted Will enough to not run away when he opened up. This felt like a billion steps back, Nico shutting Will out again, and Will standing unable to help.
‘Nico, I-‘ Will started before Nico cut him off.
‘Jason’ He whispered into the darkness his voice hoarse. Will knew exactly what Nico meant the second he said it. That was one thing that has changed in the last 6 months, they had learnt to know each other’s tones and subtleties inside out. Will could tell from the one word that Nico had felt Jason die and he couldn’t begin to imagine the pain Nico was feeling.
Jason had been Nico’s first proper friend. Someone he has trusted and opened up to. Jason was the first person to find out Nico was gay. The first person Nico has admitted his crush on Will too. The first person who told Nico Will liked him back. The first person Nico told when he decided to ask Will out. He was their biggest cheerleader, always making time to IM-ing Nico to check-in. He was the first person to prove that despite distance and life circumstances Jason was there for Nico. Nico trusted Jason more than anyone knew. They were closer than many people realised. Which made this all the much harder for Nico.
‘Can I do anything?’ Will questioned not moving any closer to Nico, he had seen the crack on the dining pavilion floor from when his sister had died and decided camp didn’t need any more of them.
‘Will…’ Nico looked up slowly like every movement pained him. ‘Just go away… please…’
The pain in his eyes broke Will’s heart, he wanted to hug Nico, tell him it was okay, that he was there for him but he had learnt sometimes people need space and you have to respect that.
‘Okay.’ Will nodded, hating that he was agreeing to leave Nico alone like this. ‘I’ll check back in later if that is okay?’
Nico nodded and Will took that as enough of an answer. He turned to leave when he heard Nico whisper quietly
’Sorry’
‘It’s okay, I love you.’
Will didn’t expect an answer back as he closed the door but he knew Nico well enough to understand he wanted Will there but just couldn’t deal with anything right now. It pained him a bit to not heard Nico say I love you back, Will pushed away the anxiety that Nico didn’t love him anymore. It wasn’t him Nico was upset at, it was the situation, the Gods, Jason. Still, Nico knew Will struggled to give him space, his anxiety always got the better of him. He was getting much better but still , Will thought, he could have said I love you back to reassure me. The logical part of Will knew Nico would open up sooner if he gave Nico space to process his emotions first, and for now, he had to be okay with that. Will went back three times that day, just to see if Nico was there still. Last time Nico ended up running away and Will wasn’t going to let that happen. As much as he wanted to he didn’t pressure Nico to eat or drink, he figured that would be too much right now. Nico wasn’t at a point where he purposely starved himself anymore, he would eat when he was ready.
Every time Will went back Nico sat in the same space, blankly staring into space while they exchange the same 16 words.
‘Hey, anything I can do to help?’
‘No.’
‘Okay, I’ll come back later, I love you.’
For three days Will let Nico wallow in his Cabin, checking in on Nico when he woke up, every meal time, and before he went to bed. He could feel Nico’s grief, but this was different to anything Will had ever experienced before. He would rather Nico scream and wilt all the grass around him and even crack the floor, at least then he knew what Nico was thinking then. This time it was like he was empty of all emotions, disappointed, angry, upset, grieving but it was all internal. So Will couldn’t help.
He knew he couldn’t ‘help’ anyway. He could never bring Jason back but he could maybe make Nico feel a bit better. He could hug Nico, bring him his favourite foods, go on a walk, and comfort him, but only if Nico let him in first.
By the fourth day, Will gave up on leaving Nico alone. He visited him in the morning to be told there was nothing he could do again, but Will needed to do something. Nothing that would make Nico uncomfortable but he would try to see if there was anything Nico needed Will to do. Even to exchange a conversation for longer than 3 seconds would be good. Nico also hadn’t eaten in nearly 4 days which Will knew wasn’t good for anyone. Had he even been to sleep? Will knew what the answer would be, sleep meant nightmares and the nightmares would probably be Nico stuck in an endless loop of seeing Jason dying again and again.
Mid-morning Kayla let Will go from the infirmary early. He hasn’t been paying attention all morning, he nearly gave a camper too much nectar and accidentally spilt medicine all over the floor.
‘For goodness sake Will, just go see him!’ She said rolling her eyes at an anxious Will. ‘ I can see it eating you alive. He won’t hate you if you go earlier.’
As Will made his way over to Hades’ cabin he saw something moving inside. He let out a sigh of relief, Thank the Gods maybe today he will talk to me… he thought hoping the fact Nico was moving meant he was ready to open up to him. But his heart quickly dropped as Nico emerged from the cabin door, bag on his back, looking determined to do one thing and one thing only… he was leaving camp.
Will knew he shouldn’t have left Nico alone for so long, how could he be so stupid?! This is exactly what happened last time too. Nico was left alone for too long, wallowing in grief and he left. Will quickly ran over to the cabin, stopping Nico on the steps of the Hades cabin.
‘Nico, what do you think you are doing?’ He tried to stay calm but he could feel his chest constricting.
‘Leaving.’ Nico said not looking up.
’Neeks, I’m sorry but you are not leaving.’ Will moved so he stood next to Nico.
‘Yes. I. Am.’ Nico looked Will straight in the eyes, saying each word with such determination.
‘Nico I am not letting you leave. What about us? What about camp? You are seriously considering just walking out on everyone who loves you here. Everyone who cares for you and wants to be there for you.’ Anger started to rise in Wills’s chest, he was angry at Nico… For considering leaving him after everything they had been through together. He could hear his voice rising as he carried on, ‘I know you are grieving, but don’t do it alone. I have given you space for 3 days while I’ve been an anxious mess waiting for you to talk to me, and now you are just going to leave me?! I have tried to be patient and wait hoping you’ll open up and this is what you think is best to do now, leave me?!’ Will’s voice cracked, ‘Do you even love me?’ He knew he had said too much, but a wall inside him just fell down and all the emotions from the last 3 days spilt out. Nico stood silently staring at Will, This is it Will thought, he is actually really going to leave you now. Will started to turn away, Nico was going to leave whether he liked it or not, especially now.
‘I love you too much Will.’ A small voice said grabbing Wills’s hand, making him turn around. ‘I love you way too much to ever lose you…’
’Nico… you won’t lose-‘ Will started before Nico cut him off quickly.
‘You don’t know that though.’ Nico’s eyes started to well up with tears. ‘I lost Mama, I lost Bia, I lost everything I knew, then when I finally gain a friend I lose him too and I find out about it became I woke up after seeing his death. No one tried to save him. I couldn’t save him. I lose everything and everyone I touch so if I leave no one else will die. I couldn’t live anymore if I felt you die, saw you die and there was nothing I could do to help. It would break me.’ A few tears rolled down Nico’s face. Will stood watching him speechless, he knew he would never leave Nico but he could see why Nico was so scared to lose him. ‘ I cannot lose you, I love you way too much, more than Mama, more than Bia, even Jason and if this is what I felt like when they died, I can’t even live through the pain I would feel if it was you.’ Nico finished squeezing his eyes shut to stop the tears.
Will did the only thing he could think of doing at that moment, he reached up and wiped the tears from Nico’s eyes, lifting his gaze up to meet his and kissed him. Will didn’t know what came over him. Nico’s best friend has died and that was the moment he choose for their first kiss, as he pulled away he felt anxiety crash over him.
'Nico- I’m so sorry- that was- well really inappropriate… I’m so sorry- I- I just panicked- and I don’t know what came over me- and I…’
Nico pulled Will in and kissed him again. Longer than Will had kissed him and with more emotion. Will could feel everything Nico wanted to say through the way he kissed him. I won’t leave… Nor will I… they silently exchanged. Nico finally pulled looking at Will.
‘Sorry-‘ Will whispered feeling bad again at the inappropriately timed kiss.
‘Shut up Solace’ Nico said with a tiny smile that disappeared as quickly as it came. Will extended his arms around Nico and held him tight as he burrowed himself into Wills’s chest, Will felt Nico relax slowly under Will’s embrace.
‘Is there anything I can do to help?’ Will whispered stroking Nico’s hair.
‘Don’t leave this time. Please’