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The winter sun was slowly setting on the French capital city but contrary to it, Shu Itsuki was climbing the flight of stairs that led to his flat hurriedly, his arms full of grocery bags. He was coming back from a seminar given by an artist whose work he appreciated and now, was to spend the evening with Mika, who had come to visit him. Though Mika had been here for a few days already, the two idols had not been able to spend much time together: his partner had come on a short notice and so, Shu had not been able to empty his schedule for him. At first, Shu wanted to refuse to welcome him. It was not the holidays and Mika was not active as an idol in France. In short, even if he appreciated seeing him in his favorite country, it was quite honestly a waste of time in his eyes. Kagehira would be better served by staying in Japan, focusing on his school and idol work. There was not much time before the holidays either; seeing each other could technically have waited.
But Kagehira seemed strangely down lately and as such, Shu could not bring himself to refuse his request. Perhaps his partner needed help with something, but he had not said anything of that kind ever since his arrival, which worried Shu even more. Hoping to lift Mika’s mood up, Shu had decided to take the time to wipe him up something, even if it would be one of those dishes that could take more than an hour to prepare. If it could get his partner to open up, it would be more than worth it.
Now in front of his door, Shu was struggling to open it. His hands were too full, and grabbing the keys resting in the very back of his pocket while not letting anything else fall on the floor was a task far more arduous than he had anticipated. After a minute, he managed to put the key in the keyhole. Resting his shoulder against the door, he unlocked it by pushing his elbow against the doorhandle.
"Kagehira, I'm home!"
Silence. He removed his shoes and went in the kitchen to relieve himself from all the bags he was carrying. He thought it weird that Mika had not come to welcome him yet, his partner usually sprung at the entry door as soon as it opened. The whole apartment was silent and dark too. Was he sleeping? That hypothesis did not convince Shu, it was too early for that.
Worried, Shu passed his head through the door leading to his living room and sighed in relief upon seeing the familiar silhouette of his partner being slouched upon his wooden desk. The lights of the street that came through the window were the only thing that were lighting up the room. Mika's head was buried in his arms and did not seem to move, even when Shu stepped into the room. Maybe he really was sleeping. after all.
"Kagehira? Are you awake?" Shu lowered his voice to reach out to his partner. He did not want to risk waking him up. If he was indeed sleeping, he would simply put a blanket over him and start his work in the kitchen. He could already imagine Mika's beaming smile if he was woken up by the sweet smell of food being cooked or served.
But Mika grumbled in response, so he had to be awake to an extent. Shu still found the situation quite suspicious. Even a sleepy Kagehira would usually be excited far beyond the limits of decorum in his presence.
He walked to the desk and repeated his question, in a more pressing tone. This time, Mika raised his head slightly and turned it towards his leader.
"...'shi-san...? Mh... You're back...?"
"Yes, I am." He watched in silence his partner slowly stretch, or rather, attempt to stretch. His movements appeared gauche, even more so than usual. "It's unlike you to welcome me in such a fashion." He commented, expecting that it would prompt Mika to provide some explanations for his odd behavior. It didn't. It only pushed him to stand up, which he seemed to struggle to do. His footing was not steady at all, and he almost fell against Shu. Was he sick? Mika put his head in his hand, wincing.
"Did you forget to take care of yourself properly again? Did you go out?"
All he got in response was a faint mumble.
"Oshi-san ... I'm feelin' all weird... Ma body's.. It's like ma strings are all tangled... It's not movin' like I want..."
Seeing how wobbly his partner was, Shu slid one arm around Mika. "Cling to me, I'll get you to bed." His eyes swept the desk upon which Mika was dozing off on. His sketchbook was open, but full of scribbles and imprecise sketches. Art supplies were all scattered on the antique furniture and a half-filled glass was resting in the corner. Shu noted with relief that at least, Mika seemed to have remembered to hydrate himself while working. That was an improvement. The quality of his drawings was quite worrying though. His sketchbooks were never neat, despite Shu's repeated scolding, but this was beyond simply disorganized. It looked like some child's attempt at designing something and it was nowhere the standard he had set for Valkyrie. His partner's weakened state had probably affected his work, but still, to Shu, it was horrendously to look at. No doubt, he would have yelled at his partner for his terrible doodles if he had not been reminded of his state by the incoherent mumbles that were spoken near his ear.
Now that he had secured his grasp on Mika, Shu carefully leaded him to the couch that they used as bed for him. He knew that his partner was too thin for his height, but still, he felt too light in his arms. Did he choose to ignore his nutritionist's advice again? Shu himself was not strong, so he struggled a bit to carry him but fortunately the sofa bed which served as Mika’s bed each time he visited was only a few meters away.
"Here, lie down."
Silence. Despite his command, Mika was still clinging to him.
"Kagehira. Let me go. I have to get you some medicine, you're obviously in need of them." Instead of letting go, his partner tightened his arms around his neck and pressed his head against his chest.
"Oshi-san, maybe I'd feel better with sum maintenance... I always feel so much better when ya give me maintenance..."
Flustered by Mika clinginess, Shu's cheeks started burning him. He would probably have dropped Mika immediately if that did not mean letting him fall mercilessly down on the ground.
"Non! What you need right now is not maintenance but rest. Now, for the last time, let me go and lie in bed." Maybe using doll metaphors was the best to get through Mika's thick skull in this state, Shu thought. "If you behave like a good doll, I'll give you maintenance tomorrow morning. Stop protesting vainly and do as you're told." He knew very well that only asserting his voice a little more was typically enough to make Mika listen.
This time, his command seemed to be heard and Mika let go of him. Half-heartedly, he laid down on the couch and covered himself with his large blanket.
Relieved, Shu sighed and went to fill a glass of water for Mika. Whatever he had, water would never be a bad idea. On his way to the kitchen, he started to analyze the situation. It seemed unlikely that Mika had stepped out of the flat today. If he had done so, Shu was pretty sure that his message inbox would have been flooded with Mika's findings and impressions over what he encountered during the day, which had not happened. But then, why would he be in such a state? Surely, he did not become sick by staying at home.
His mind pondering over this question, Shu absent-mindedly opened his kitchen cabinet filled with expensive glassware. He eventually managed to grab his only plastic cup, which was placed in the very back of the cabinet, hidden from sight. He would not risk having Mika break one of his precious glasses; he had spent too much time carefully looking for some that would suit his taste in antique shops. Shu heaved a sigh in disappointment once he was in front of his sink, which was perfectly empty and dry. No dishes had been used today, apparently. Mika had probably eaten nothing, except for some candies, when Shu had made a point of leaving him something in the fridge that he only had to reheat in the microwave.
Something else caught his eye though. A few days ago, he had been asked to prepare some punch for a party organized by students from his school, which he had of course done. Partying was not his thing, but it was often necessary to be able to network... which was not a skippable part of being an artist, unfortunately. Being asked to prepare alcohol as an idol irked him a little bit. He didn't drink, except for some occasional wine and champagne, and yet, he had had to prepare an alcoholic beverage for other people. Now, the punch that he had prepared was half empty. At a glance, about two liters and a half had disappeared from the glass jar.
Was alcohol the reason why Mika was in such a state? Was he not actually sick, but drunk??
In a panic, Shu put down the glass of water he was holding and rushed to his desk. He remembered having seen a half-filled glass there, and once it was in its reach, he quickly grabbed it and inspected its content. The liquid it contained was yellow and smelled very sweet and fruity... There was no doubt, it was indeed the drink he had prepared reluctantly for that party. He was quite sure that Mika would not drink alcohol on purpose though. Did he think that Shu simply had a huge container of juice sitting around in the kitchen and helped himself?
He wouldn't put it past his partner's naivety. Now that he thought back on it, he didn't remember explicitly telling Mika not to touch that, he had thought that it was quite obvious.
Such carelessness on his part... He was cursing himself.
"Seriously, out of all the perfectly fine and adapted beverages that I have, THAT'S what Kagehira chose? Couldn't he at least send me a text before helping himself? We wouldn't be in such a ridiculous situation if he had the presence of mind just to ASK what was in this container to begin with. Bon sang, what I am even supposed to do with such an unruly partner?"
Trying to calm himself down, Shu took several deep breaths while he kept ranting in his head. Letting go of some heat was necessary before he went back to attending to his partner. In this state, he would not be of any help to him. The only highlight of the situation was that at least, all that Mika needed was some good rest, which he could provide. No medicine would even be necessary.
Once he felt less on the edge, Shu went back to his living room, the glass of water in hand.
"I've brought you a glass of water, it'll help you feel better. You should be more careful with what you drink, Kagehira. I would have thought you would know not to drink unlabeled liquids by now...." Shu sat on the side of the couch to be able to help his partner more easily.
Light-headed, Mika sat up in silence. The alcohol was making him feel so far away from his own body... He hated that; it made him feel like a damaged toy. His clumsy fingers managed to grab and drink the glass presented to him after some hazardous attempts. "What are ya talkin' about...? I only drank juice today...."
"That's exactly what I was talking about, fool. That was not “juice”, there was alcohol in it. I guess that I can at least be satisfied that its taste was satisfactory enough for you to drink several liters of it." Shu sighed. "It's no wonder you are in such a state now. Be more careful next time, I'll let you rest now. Call me if you need anything, I'll-"
Shu froze mid-sentence, Mika had put his head on his shoulder and grabbed his arm, to which his body had an innate repulsion for. Surprise body contact was always awful to him. He was about to free himself and reprimand his partner, but his ear caught a sound that appalled him. Sniffing? Was his partner about to cry?
"Please, Oshi-san, stay... I don't wanna be all alone..."
Shu might despise physical contact, but he was not about to ignore such a desperate plea. He was not a monster. "... If you insist. But not for too long, I do have to sleep in my own bed."
"'Kay... Thank ya Oshi-san..."
Silence came back, only interrupted by Mika's frequent sniffing. The alcohol that impaired his system was making it harder for him to maintain the barriers of the feelings he had bottled up for the past few weeks. His mind was haunted by a spiral of negative thoughts, at keeping them at bay felt like an unwinnable battle right now; his thoughts were relentless. Still, he was doing his best not to break down in front of Shu.
Meanwhile, Shu was observing him, unsure of what to do. He was not used to comfort people and while he knew his partner very well, Mika usually hid such emotions in front of him. He could not do nothing though. Hesitantly, he raised one of his hands and started stroking Mika's hair with it, hoping that it might help his partner feel better.
Instead, it unleashed the tears that the dark-haired idol had been trying to suppress all along. He was now sobbing loudly, which made Shu panic.
"Kagehira, what's going on? Are you in pain?"
"Of course I am! Ya leavin' me all alone lately!"
These words created a crack in Shu's heart. Had he been such a bad mentor? But Mika continued, without letting any opening for Shu to answer: "Ya doin' all good in Paris but I ain't managin' to do anythin' back there. I'm tryin' ma best but I'm too useless and dumb to do anythin' good at all ... I'm even too dumb to tell a drink with alcohol from juice. Ya gonna leave me right? I'm sure there are better artists than me here. Ya wastin' your time with me Oshi-san so it ain't like I wouldn't understand but it still hurts ya know? I know that I’m just a big failure and that I'll never be a great artist like ya but-"
"Kagehira, STOP!" Shu shouted, his teeth gritted. Each word felt like an arrow that pierced his heart. For how long had such a deep despair festered in the heart of his partner? "What are you even saying, I’m not leaving you any time soon, where does all this even come from?" His hand had stopped stroking Mika's hair, he was too in shock of hearing all of that. Had he been that inattentive lately? He was busy, but he still tried to make some time for Mika... Had it not been enough?
"You're saying that but I'm sure ya will... Maybe ya just have not realized it but I'm sure ya'll get tired of me soon... I saw how happy you are since ya in Paris, Oshi-san, and it ain't like I don't want ya to be happy, but... I, I feel like a doll that's been put in a cardboard box...” He added, bawling, “I... Please, don't throw me away...!"
Shu tried to remain calm, at least in appearance. Internally, he was losing all his nerves; he had no idea how to act right now. "I'm not putting you in a cardboard box far in an attic, I told you several times that I only want us to pursue art in our own way. You cannot spend your whole life merely assisting and imitating me, Kagehira. It's not because we are far apart that I'm leaving you behind... I'll always be back in Japan; you know that already. If anything, I'm asking you to be a doll that is able to escape any cardboard box you would be put in. You... You are not my puppet anymore. Your strings can go so much farther than my own reach. I'd like you to take advantage of that."
"I tried but ever since ya left, nothin' I'm doin' is good ... I tried asking help from other people, but I just pile up abominations upon one another... Today was even worse!" Mika tried to wipe away his tears and calm himself a little bit, but failed. Instead, he was almost choking upon his own tears. "I try so hard to make ya proud but I'm just a burden, right?"
"A burden?" Shu bit his lips. "No, you're not. Do you truly think that I would even waste my precious time and braincells on you if I thought of you in such a way, Kagehira?"
Shu could feel the grasp on his arm tighten, "I dunno Oshi-san, I... I feel like I used to understand ya but lately you're so different... So yeah, it wouldn't be that weird if ya left me too!"
It seemed like reason would not get Shu anywhere tonight; Mika was being too stubborn. The thing is, reason was the only thing that he knew how to use. He wondered if he should try a different approach, but what would be the best for his sobbing mess of a partner right now?
"Kagehira, I need to move, let me go for a moment, please." He had tried to speak gently, but such a detail was lost on his partner.
"Uhaah? Ya see, ya leavin' me already! I knew I shouldn't have told ya all of this." Mika's sobbing transformed into an even bigger crying mess. Shu's shoulder was completely wet now. He wished he could have lent a handkerchief to his partner, but unfortunately, he had left his in the pocket of his coat, which was by the entrance.
"I'm not! Just... Listen to me for two seconds already. Rest assured; I'm not leaving you. Just... Let me do something."
Reluctantly, Mika slowly backed down. "What are ya-" he stopped; his eyes widened. His surprise even interrupted the flow of his tears, though only momentarily.
Shu had moved on the couch, and was now facing Mika, his arms spread. A pained smile was on his lips, but it was probably the best that he could offer to his partner right now. "I'll let you have this, Kagehira. Come, and cry to your heart's content. I'll stay with you. We'll talk about this tomorrow, when you are in a better state, for now, just let it out."
Mika could not really believe what he was seeing, but he was not about to let such an offer pass him by. He rushed in his teach's arms, which immediately embraced him. However, between his tears, the alcohol, and the darkness of the room, Mika had misevaluated the short distance that separated them and as such, they both fell on the couch, which was far from Shu's expectations. And degree of tolerance for touch. Still, he could endure it, for Mika's sake, no matter if his body was being crushed by the weight of his partner or if his cheeks were of the deep red of Valkyrie's signature color. Even his stupid heart beating like crazy was the least of his worry right now.
Mika, on the other hand, did not even appear to realize that they had fallen down and instead, kept wailing against his mentor's chest. His embrace felt warm. And safe. It eased his worries, even if it did not make them disappear.
Eventually, once Shu's inner turmoil settled down a bit, he steadied his embrace and started stroking his partner's hair again. He genuinely wanted to help him feel better, but maybe the best course of action was simply to wait for this accursed substance to leave his body.
"That's it. I'm never, ever letting Kagehira drink again. I'll banish alcohol from my home from now on," Shu thought to himself.
The two men stayed like this for a while, neither making the slightest gesture to move, or even make the situation more comfortable for Shu. Eventually, Mika tired out from his crying and his tears disappeared, partly because he had no more water to produce them. Still, he remained there, and Shu became unsure of if his partner was even still awake. However, he did not want to risk breaking the silence and send Mika into another crisis because of his own clumsiness, so he did not speak a word either. Staying with Mika might have been the right answer after all, he thought once the tears had completely ceased.
"...'shi-san...?" In the end, it was Mika who broke the silence, with only a quiet whisper.
"Yes, Kagehira?" Shu whispered in turn.
"Can ya promise me that you're not lyin' and you won't leave me behind...?"
Shu sighed. Only a hug had not quelled Mika's fears apparently, even if it was already quite the gesture for him. He averted his eyes to the ceiling. "Fine. If you need to hear it so much. I'm not leaving you. I have no wish to do so, nor anything to get from it. In short, stop thinking that I will do something so dreadful. I won't."
"That ain't a promise, Oshi-san!" Mika shouted and clenched his fist. He also moved a bit away from Shu while still remaining in his embracing. Supporting his own weight with one of his arms, he was now effectively half-towering above his leader, and half-laying on him. If Mika had not raised his trembling voice, Shu’s mind would probably have gone blank from the position he was currently in. Such proximity was hard to bear, and focusing on the urgent matter at hand was unexpectedly hard. Still, he wondered. Was Mika really hell-bent on hearing those precise words? It repulsed him but fine, if it was what his partner needed to be finally soothed, he would swallow his pride and hesitation, ignore his distraught heart, and do it.
"Okay, okay, calm down. Listen properly as I won't say it twice. And you better remember it tomorrow because your drunken state will not suffice as an excuse to make me repeat that. I promise you, Kagehira, that I'm not leaving you. Not tonight, not tomorrow, nor in the years to come. Is it enough for you now?" What a childish thing to ask of him. But it came from Kagehira, and he was somewhat used to it, even if he did not usually entertain him when he acted that way. His cheeks were burning up and his hands became sweaty, especially considering that he was quite literally trapped between his partner and the mattress. For once, his partner's night blindness was a source of relief rather than a source of worry for him. At least, it allowed him to save face, if only slightly.
"Yes, it is. Thanks Oshi-san, it means a lot!" A smile, though faint, was on his young partner's face. Finally. It lifted the weight of his heart – at least the emotional one. Mika was still crushing him against the couch. "Ya better hold your word though."
An unfamiliar impulse took hold of Shu and he raised slowly his hand, putting it on Mika's cheek. "Rest easy, I'll hold true to my words." With his thumb, he wiped some of the tears that remained on that beloved face. "So please... Don't ever be pestered by such thoughts again. Or at least tell me about them sooner. I'm not so heartless as to refuse to hear you out. Understood?"
Feeling his teach's hand on his face flustered Mika, whose cheeks probably matched the red of Shu's own cheeks. "Uh-aaah~! Yes, Oshi-san. I understand." His weak heart could not bear the touch of Shu's hand any longer, and Mika buried his face back in his chest. The situation was quite strange for him. His body was starting to feel less weird, but the situation did not. However, he wouldn't trade their current circumstances for anything. While it was true that his leader was gentler lately, this was beyond just gentle... Right? It felt like a dream, he thought and chuckled, amused by the silliness of his own mind.
"... What is amusing you, Kagehira? If you're feeling better already, I'll move to my own bed."
"Ngaaah! No, please Oshi-san, can we stay like that a little bit longer? It's makin' ma head feel better..."
It was Shu's turn to chuckle. Mika could be so needy sometimes, it was endearing. "If you insist. I did say that I was offering you that, stay as long as you like I suppose."
"... Is it okay if I ask ya to spend the night with me then...?"
This request took Shu by surprise. He had not planned that far when he had offered a hug to his partner. "Co-come again?" His heart was racing, so much that he could hear his own heartbeat. And considering that Mika's head was still on his chest, he was pretty sure that his partner could hear it too, which did nothing to ease his flustering.
Perhaps it was the alcohol, or perhaps it was the gentleness and care that his mentor had shown him tonight, but Mika felt emboldened and did not back down, even if Shu had given him a golden opportunity to do so. "Stay with me, Oshi-san! Pretty please? Ya didn't spend much time with me since I arrived, ya hafta make up fer it ya know!"
"... I'll make up for it tomorrow."
"No, I want to be with ya now!" Shu could hear a faint sniffle from his partner. Would a refusal erase all the progress they had just made? He could not allow it.
Shu sighed. "Good grief, you're hopeless. But I guess it can't be helped then." Absent-mindedly, he played with some of Mika's unruly strands of hair. "However, I'll set some conditions, and they are not negotiable. First, let me go for now, I don't want to spend the night in my day-clothes. They're already crumpled and dirty enough. Secondly, you'll eat something. I don't have the energy to cook, so you'll have to be satisfied with some leftovers. Finally, no more shedding tears for tonight. You'll have an unsightly face in the morning if you keep doing so."
".... 'Kay but ya better come back fast, Oshi-san." Mika slid down beside him on the couch, which let Shu notice how numb his body was now. Mika was thin, but heavy, nonetheless. He had an easier time breathing now that such a large weight had been removed from him. However, he did not enjoy how strangely empty his arms felt now. Their previous position was genuinely uncomfortable, but it had felt warm... And pleasant. Shu stood up to leave the room, as he had announced. Maybe moving would hush out this ridiculous feeling. He glanced at Mika, who was busy covering himself back with the blanket and curling up into a ball.
"Rest easy, I won't take more time than necessary." He was tempted to, though. His head and heart felt messy, and he wasn't sure how to approach the situation. Getting some time to think would be very much appreciated, but he was not sure that his partner could handle it. After all, he had promised to spend the night with him now.
But Shu was not the only one to be disturbed by a restless mind. If Mika's head had started to relax and when he was comfortably huddled up against his mentor, now that he was alone again, anxiety settled right back in him. What if his mentor changed his mind when he came back? This was actually more plausible than Shu agreeing to share a bed. Or a couch, in this case. What if Shu started to resent him for his neediness? Maybe he had went too far with his last request. Tears started to fill his eyes again but reminded of his teach's third condition for spending the night with him, Mika furiously wiped them away. Shu was right, he had wept enough already.
Mika grabbed one of his plushies that were scattered around on the couch and held it tight against his chest. His stuffed beard made him feel a little less lonely, but it was not as warm and reassuring as Shu's embrace. The wait was already too long for his taste and the longing and uncertainty were becoming unbearable. Still, noises were coming from the kitchen, and it reassured the young man. His teach never lied about such things, so he should be back soon. Suddenly, he was hit by the realization that his dear mentor had probably not eaten anything because of him. Panicked, he tried to stand up but was stopped by a loss of footing. He had thought he was doing better, but his legs were still quite wobbly. He would have to be contented with just sitting on the couch for now. But it wouldn't do, he had to check if Shu ate something too!
"Aaaaah, wot should I do.... How long will it take for ma body to function normally again? Oshi-san deserves better than this... But I'm sure he'll be mad at me if he finds me on the ground cuz I fell on my way to talk to him..." He put his head in his hands, distressed. "Uwaaaaah.... Even if I managed to get up somehow, I'm sure I'd hit so many things. I can't see a thing... And the switch is so far away... If only I knew where ma phone was, I could have some light! Oshi-san wouldn't be happy with me breakin' things. Waitin' fer him here is probably ma best option… but I don’t want him not to eat anythin’ cuz of me, that’s terrible!"
The irritating beeping of the micro-wave broke out in the small apartment and interrupted the chaotic flow of Mika's thoughts. Food. Saliva was already filling his mouth and his empty stomach grumbled. The beeping was soon cut short, and light was finally cast upon the living-room. Shu had returned, a trail in hand and wearing his night clothes, and had flipped the switch of the ceiling light on his way. Mika eating in the dark would make a mess worthy of the biggest bazaars of the world, but not of his apartment.
"What are you doing sitting, Kagehira? You should be resting!" During the short break, Shu had regained his composure as well as the distance he usually put between himself and others and so, his voice had returned to its usual coldness and firmness. Things were more comfortable for him that way.
"Aaaah Oshi-san, please forgive me I'm so sorry! Ya didn't eat because of me yet, right? Tell me ya got something fer yourself in the kitchen, ya need to eat too!"
"Hpmf! As if you're one to be able to give alimentation advice. Start with eating three complete meals a day and then we'll see if you can offer me some useful advice on food." Shu sat next to him and placed the tray on Mika's thighs. "Rest assured, I ate some bread and cheese while waiting for your food to be ready. I'll be fine. Now, stop misbehaving and eat. Your plate won't remain warm for long."
Mika nodded and started eating. Or rather, started his struggle with his food. The quiche was delicious – as everything Shu prepared for him – but it was quite hard for him to pick his food without half of it falling from his fork on its way to his mouth. Clumsiness was usual for him but even so, he felt quite pathetic. What a sad spectacle he was offering to his mentor.
But Shu did not seem to mind, and he watched him without reprimanding him even once.
"Are you feeling better, Kagehira?" he worried.
"Only a little bit but eatin' is definitely helpin'!"
"Of course it helps. How do you expect your body to function if you only feed it with improper substances?"
"... I know you're right but I dunno. I just forget I guess."
Shu sighed and shook his head in disarray. "Set a reminder on your phone or something. Ideally, you should not have to rely on me for that." Still, he liked seeing the delight on his partner's face when he ate the food he had cooked for him. But he would like even more for Mika to be better at taking care of himself.
"I think I like your food too much for that, Oshi-san ♪ ~"
Shu's face reddened, both out of embarrassment and frustration. His arms crossed, he replied: "Cease your ludicrous stupidity at once! You know that bears so similarities whatsoever with what I meant." He was interrupted by the sound of Mika's giggling. "Are you laughing at me, now? Do you mean to drive me to betray my words, foolish boy?!"
"Uh-ahah~, no please Oshi-san, stay, really. I was just thinkin' that I had really missed spendin' time like that with ya. ♪"
Shu stayed silent. It had indeed been a while since they truly had the time to just talk and be themselves, without thinking about work. He would not admit out loud that he had missed doing so though.
"I see. Let's make the most of the remainder of your stay then. My schedule is finally starting to clear up."
"Really? You're really gonna have more free time now? That's great!"
"Yes, I will." Seeing that Mika had finished to eat, Shu took the empty trail and stood up. "Try to sleep, I'll be back shortly. I'm only putting the dishes in the sink." The calling of the bed was hard to ignore, and he had to stifle a yawn. He even felt like leaving the tray of the table but he would not let his partner's tendency of creating huge messes rub on him. Even if the desk at which Mika had "worked" on was a mess in itself. However, he did not have enough energy left in him to clean that up tonight. It could wait tomorrow, when he would admonish Mika for continuing to work even when he was obviously in such a bad shape. On his way to the kitchen, he switched the light off, hoping that it would prompt his partner to sleep.
Once Shu left the room, Mika laid back down on the soft mattress of the couch. He stared at the ceiling, giggling to himself. Despite his teach's advice, there was no way that he would not wait for him to fall asleep. Not that he could sleep. The joy of sharing a bed with Shu grew him restless, even while the alcohol and the late hour were weighting down on his eyelids. It was as if he were on a little cloud. After a minute or two, he heard footsteps headed towards his bed followed by the sound of someone laying down on it.
"Oshi-san...?"
"... Who else, Kagehira?"
Mika turned over to face Shu and extended his hand to try and reach him. It hardly was a good idea.
"Ow!" Shu grumbled in pain. "What are you doing Kagehira, that was my head you just hit!"
"Uwaah?" Surprised, Mika pulled back his hand. "I'm so sorry Oshi-san, I was only tryin' to see where ya were! Ya know, since I can't see anythin' in the dark..."
"Argh, it's fine... Just ... Be more careful. But know that I will move back to my own bed if you hit me the whole night. I'm only on the other side of the couch."
Shu tried to sleep but to no avail. He could feel and hear his partner move around, as well as trying to feel out where he was. It was not long before Shu realized that without any action from his part, he would never be allowed to sleep, despite his need for it.
"Kagehira. Stop moving around already," he sighed, slightly irritated. Even in the dark, he could still see the shape of his partner's body under the blanket they were sharing. How Mika could be more energetic than him despite his state eluded him.
"I'm sorry Oshi-san, I'm just tryin' to find a comfortable way to sleep without botherin' ya!" Shu rolled his eyes. It was his moving around that was bothering the most, not that Mika was next to him, even if that did trouble him a bit. Irritated, he changed the side upon which he was lying to face Mika and impulsively declared:
"Enough already. Here. Take my hand, that will surely calm you down, right? Let me sleep now." Soon, the palm of hand that he put down half-way between himself and Mika was met with his partner's warm hand, and timid fingers closed upon his own.
"Thanks Oshi-san! I'll be sure to sleep well now!" Mika beamed. He was surprised by how delicate and soft his mentor's hand was. Usually, he was not allowed to touch it and so, it felt like the greatest honor to be able to do so. "Please, God or whoever is up there, never let me forget this... Oh but maybe I'm already asleep, the real Oshi-san would not act like that! I hope I'll remember that dream when I'll wake up then!" Silly thoughts were roaming his mind, as usual.
"... You're welcome." Though he was being used to his partner's earnest joy at his most minute gesture of care towards him, right now, those two words were the only thing that Shu managed to utter. He closed his eyes to try to sleep but was pestered by chaotic thoughts instead. "... Did I really offer him my precious hand as some kind of stuffed toy to sleep with? Tiredness truly must be getting the best of me. How shameful. Oh well, at least he did stop gesticulating. If I can finally sleep, it will be worth it...."
But sleep still refused its favors to the poor Shu, despite his exhaustion. His heart did not cease pounding in his chest, despite his desperate attempts at remaining cool-headed. If he was reassured to see that his partner seemed to be in a better state, now that he was in bed and had eaten, he could not help but be tensed. Trying to sleep while having his hand held felt weird. Foreign, even. He was not used to such kind of intimacy. But it was not all bad... It was somewhat enjoyable. His frustrating mind also refused to focus on something else than Mika right now.
Whether it was the sweet sound of his breathing, or the warmth in his hand... His thoughts were stubborn. He tried to redirect them by using several methods. First, he tried thinking about what was on his schedule tomorrow, which was a trap. His schedule tomorrow had been cleared to be able to spend more time with Mika, which sent him back to the source of his current turmoil. Then, he tried to simply count sheep, to no avail. He kept losing count because of these damned wicked thoughts and of his body, which had decided to act up as well. A tingly feeling came from his abdominal area, and he did not understand why: he had eaten, and he was sure that he was not sick. And while he would have loved to set aside that matter for later, his body was so frustratingly uncooperative tonight!
After a few more minutes of internal struggle, Shu sighed. Even taking repeated deep breath was doing nothing to appease his racing heart. Frustrated, he opened his eyes and let his gaze wander upon the few things of this partner, who was now fast asleep, that he could see. The streetlights, whose intensity was dimmed by the thick curtains, allowed him to see that even when he was sleeping, his partner wore a light smile on his face. It was a relief to see Mika be appeased and resting after having seen him in such a distressed state.
If only that smile could never leave that face, Shu would be most contented.
And yet... He had made him cry. It had felt so awful that his heart still hurt when thinking back upon it.
"I promise Kagehira... I'll take better care of you from now on." The promise was silent, but he would uphold it nonetheless. He was not one to consider oaths as something which necessitated to be spoken out loud to be genuine, and his partner was sleeping anyway.
Shu felt relaxed now and closed his eyes again. Maybe it was because he had allowed himself to entertain his silly thoughts and feelings, but he was finally able to fall in a deep slumber, his hand still holding that of his dear partner.