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Kunikida had deemed today a useless day.
Marked off in his schedule, clear as ever, written over three times to get that bold effect, was the 10th-anniversary party for the Armed Detective Agency and all its members. Ten years ago today, Fukuzawa met a young boy with no future aspirations and made a successful person out of him. The duo then encountered a distressed Yosano and saved her from the havoc of war.
Somewhere along the way, the agency found two new clerks and seven new members including himself, only with the departure of one.
So for such a big milestone, Fukuzawa took some requests for what was wanted at the party. The results were clear. Alcohol.
From 11 am to 2 pm, the agency members held a small celebration down in Café Uzumaki and invited the staff to join them. They cheered, danced, laughed, and ate; everyone allowed themselves to let loose, just for one day.
When everyone began to settle, further discussions were brought up about what would happen later that night.
It would be adults over 21 only, was the first rule declared. And since Kenji was adamant about planning a sleepover for himself, Kyouka, Atsushi, Tanizaki, Haruno, and Naomi- it would simply be no problem.
The second rule came with more kinks. Port Mafia members and Guild members were allowed to join. No tensions would be held, at all. The Decay of Angels and The Hunting Dogs, however, were strictly off-limits.
The third rule was set in stone by the man of the house himself. Rides will be arranged, bodyguards will be present, and escorts will take everyone home safely from Bar Lupin.
And it was settled.
Kunikida was drunk. Drunk is an understatement, however. He was borderline blackout, absolutely wasted, and completely plastered. The two hours he had dedicated himself tomorrow morning will unquestionably be used, most likely with his head hung over the toilet clearing out his stomach.
Right now he's slouched over a barstool in a corner tucked away from the crowd. The bar is too tiny for this many people to be in it and the poor old bartender behind the counter looks like he's about to have a heart attack.
Thankfully, Mori decided not to come, because Fukuzawa would not make any exceptions for his Elise.
He's lost in thought, staring at his drink when he notices a figure slink over his way.
It's Yosano, he figures quickly and spins on the barstool a bit to face her. She makes quick work of the gesture and turns to do the same.
"Kuni~" She's clearly as shit-faced as he is, but drunk Yosano is a bit louder than him. However, since Kunikida has been devoid of conversation, he is desperate to mess around with anyone he sees. He is sure Dazai is doing the same.
He looks at her. "My, my, you look marvelous!" He's still an overthinker when he's drunk, so he had barely noticed the tight little black dress she was wearing. Her hair clip is still shining as bright as ever, and a gold statement necklace embellishes her chest.
Yosano leans in, pulls him by his collar, and they are mere inches apart. "You want a taste, sweetheart?" He can faintly smell her cherry lip gloss under the thick stench of alcohol.
He pulls back softly. "Let's get you home, alright?"
She whines softly as he stands up, and Kunikida is far drunker than he thought. He makes quick work loosening his tie a bit and helps Yosano off her barstool modestly.
They march forward with arms linked, both supporting each other. She's playing with her jewelry with her free hand as they wander around aimlessly.
Dazai spoke loudly with his well-known jesters' privilege. "Here's to my lady!" The sound of his voice rings through the bar.
He clicks his glass against another ladies'- whom he does not recognize. As Kunikida stares at her, he notices a fair smile on her face and she doesn't look as enthralled as Dazai is to be here. She fixes her petticoat-type cape dragging behind her and throws a floor-length pigtail over her shoulder. She stares back.
Kunikida stumbles around listlessly with Yosano on his arm. He can barely think for himself, but something inside of him is screaming to get Yosano safe.
He finds Kouyou speaking down to someone that he can't quite see. Either way, the thought of her puts him at ease. Sick of his own skin, and sick of the bar- he pushes Yosano into Kouyou's arms. She moves aside to make room for Yosano and gives her a respectful kiss on the cheek. It is now revealed that Kouyou was talking to Chuuya, he looks dazed and lost in thought but nods and throws back some wine. Yosano blushes, hard.
Kouyou gives him the look that she would like to meet him again under better circumstances- in a decade or so. She hopes they both last until then, and he looks forward to it. He remembers her a little.
He sways as he walks off again, hoping to find Dazai somewhere in the bar or throw up his intestines. Kunikida is shuffling limply across the floor in hopes of finding someone he trusts. He can feel himself getting drunker by the second and is well aware that horny Kunikida will take over if he doesn’t get himself home. But Kunikida is looking at the paint on the wall chipping off, and he thinks he doesn’t really want to leave.
While he’s absent-mindedly engrossed in staring at the wall, he sees a familiar figure. Tall, lean, dark-haired, and utterly gorgeous.
Before he knows it he is sprinting to cling on to them. He’s been so desperate to find Dazai, and he certainly hopes he can take tonight further. When he goes to speak, only drool comes out as he clutches onto the figure.
He’s running his hands up and down Dazai’s arms and leans in to talk to him. “Hi, darling.” It’s hushed, it’s quick, it’s quiet- but gets the point across. Dazai doesn’t quite react, just stands there still; Kunikida does not see anything wrong.
He can’t believe his own dirty thoughts, but as he’s pressed up against Dazai, he moves to sort of grope him. As he leans to stare into Dazai’s eyes, he can’t quite see them... He wonders how long he’s been growing his hair out. Dazai catches his hand before he can squeeze particularly too hard.
Dazai moves to leave and Kunikida whines- slipping his hand into Dazai's and stumbling behind him. He feels like he’s seven years old again. He trips over his own feet, the bar smells dusty and warm, Dazai shakes him off.
Kunikida cannot bring himself to get up off the floor.
He sits there with his hands in his lap for lord knows how long before someone takes him by the hand, helps him up, sits him at the bar again and his ideals book is slapped onto the counter in front of him. He’s gawking silently as the person grabs him by the chin to face him.
It’s Ranpo. He’s holding an unnaturally colored drink and looks frankly, perfectly sober. He’s talking but Kunikida didn’t hear it. He peers a bit longer before actually hearing Ranpo’s words.
“Don’t flirt with my man.”
Ranpo walks off and he’s still staring. Ranpo grabs Dazai by the hands as he walks off. And to the other side of him, he hears Dazai speak.
“Kuni!”
Kunikida snaps his head to look at the voice. He is looking at Dazai. He turns his head again. He is looking at Dazai.
“Kuni? You okay? Who you looking at?”
He’s looking back at Dazai and points to the other Dazai wordlessly.
“That's Poe. Kuni, what happened?”
He studies his ideals book as he listens to Dazai speak, and feels so incredibly stupid. He huffs and leans into Dazai. It’s the real Dazai this time. “Can we go home Dazai?”
Dazai is surprisingly sober. “Of course, Kuni, but tell me what's wrong.”
He shrugs “Nothin’.”
And Dazai takes him by the hand and walks him to their driver to get home safely. Fukuzawa is sitting appropriately on the porch and is watching everyone leave. Holding on to Dazai with all his weight, he cannot bring himself to wave or speak. He slides into the car and Dazai is mindlessly speaking to the driver.
The night finishes off, and it was proven to be a perfectly useless evening.