Work Text:
“Wait- stop. Right there. Don’t move an inch. Not. One. Inch.” Harry’s wand was out and redundantly aimed at the man just inside the doorway of his room, who actually obliged and froze. “Do you have any idea how much you suck right now?” he asked and almost groaned at his word choice. By the look on Sirius’ face, the thought had crossed his mind too. “Don’t answer that,” he said and Sirius had the decency to look a little embarrassed. “Did you draw the short straw in coming to ‘talk it out’ with me?”
Sirius broke the ‘no movement’ rule and stepped further inside the room, closing and warding the room silently before he turned back to Harry. “Do you want to talk it out?” he asked slowly.
“You have absolutely no idea what you’re doing, do you?” Harry asked and his Godfather sent him a pathetic look.
“I’m not the most mature person in the house,” the man admitted. “What with my formative years being stolen from me by a corrupt Ministry...” he hurried on quickly at his Godson’s impatient look. “But even I know having your Godson, the one you’re supposed to be setting an example for, walk in on you having sex is pretty bad.”
“I’m sure you felt just terrible when you had a dick in your arse-”
“Harry-”
“And quite obviously hitting something good inside because I swear those screams-”
“Harry!-”
“And don’t even get me started with the language!”
“Alright! We screwed up-”
“Well you certainly screwed something,” Harry muttered and snorted at Sirius’ pathetic look. “What was it? Right there, Remy, harder! Let the whole fucking house hear me!” he imitated and Sirius flushed.
“I do not sound that whiny,” he responded and all Harry could do was arch an eyebrow.
“Sirius,” he said slowly. “My one and only Godfather, my reason for being, the light of my extremely dark and dismal life...”
“Unless you’re gonna confess your undying love for me, get to the point,” Sirius warned and Harry smirked.
“Do you know how shitty it is to have such a good looking guy around and have him being ‘responsible’ for you?”
“I do actually,” Sirius said, surprising Harry a little. “It’s nice to know you think of me when you jerk off,” he smirked and sat down on the end of Harry’s bed, making his Godson scowl a little but when no further complaint came, he pushed on. “When I was 16 I stayed at your dad’s place a lot, here just wasn’t cutting it, y’know?”
“Do you have any idea how bad you sound right now?” Harry asked.
“You just walked in on me being fucked by Remus and you ruined what promised to be a mindblowing orgasm, you can handle this as punishment.”
“Your priorities are a little skewed,” Harry pointed out and the man just grinned.
“So I stayed with your dad at the Manor you’re not supposed to know about-”
“The one we visited last week during our covert op to get me more informed about what I should have, hold and be?” Harry asked for clarification and Sirius nodded once. “Right, carry on.”
“So I stayed with your dad at the Manor you’re not supposed to know about and there, obviously, were your Grandparents. Lovely people, it’s a crime you never met them but that’s not what we’re here to lament, we’re here to lament the fact that your Grandfather was a stone cold silver fox and me, the impressionable, hormonal sixteen year old that I was, was convinced I was in love with him; he was the most gorgeous man I’d ever laid my eyes on, at the time, and I spent many-a night beating one out to his image...”
“I’m a little grossed out right now,” Harry admitted and Sirius nodded sadly.
“It’s to be expected. But however attractive you think I am, know he was ten times as attractive, and he totally didn’t mind being the focus of my attention. So in that spirit, if you wanna beat one out over yours truly-”
“Literally?” Harry asked innocently. “Over your face? While Remus fucks you?” He saw Sirius’ eyes glaze at the thought and smirked. “Good talk Sirius,” Harry said. “I’ll think long and hard about what you’ve said.”
He led his still dazed Godfather back to the room Harry had found him and Remus in earlier and deposited the man beside a now dressed, blushing werewolf before leaving them.
“Harry?” Sirius croaked as Harry reached the door.
“I’ll just go sort myself out at the mental image of you being fucked by Remus while you think of both him and my Grandfather...” He chuckled as Remus’ groans disappeared behind the silencing ward etched into the walls of the bedroom.