Work Text:
The first time Isagi hugged Rin when he was the one to kick the winning goal, emotions exploded on his guts. Warmth surfaced from his chest to every inch of his skin—it was a sensation he never felt until that moment. He was not the one to be proud of any achievements, but he felt exactly like it when Isagi yelled about how perfect his finishing goal was.
His skin against him felt good as it was scary. Rin could feel it, how that hug was more than physical and how he was melting against the warmth Isagi exuded and how, against the cold thick walls that took him years of abandonment and longing to build, Isagi might have just made his way inside his space.
The warm invasion made Rin's stomach tighten.
Nii-chan, I feel dirty...
With an uncomfortable pain in his stomach, he tore away from Isagi's embrace as he always did. His intense gaze seemed to see right through him even though Rin's face betrayed nothing, not showing more than his usual frown, never showing the conflict brewing in his gut. Hence all he could do was look away, his eyes searching for someone whom he knew wasn't there.
He could look for his brother all he wanted, and he will never show up. He never did.
Rin walked away.
For the next few weeks, Rin avoided Isagi. Nothing really changed, except for the lesser amount of their banters and death threats. No one pointed it out too because it's Rin and he was always distant.
Everyone thought that it was just him ignoring Isagi to focus on their upcoming match but the truth was far from it. He was doing anything but focus. Whenever Isagi is in close vicinity, red alarms blare at his head, making him slip up a little, as it eventually drives him away from the boy. He will then think about their interactions a lot after, especially at night when he fails to distract himself from his thoughts.
"Rin," a familiar voice called him out, causing his shoulders to jerk upwards and him getting off his feet from sitting at the bench. He stumbled a little as he got away from Isagi while his heart thrums against his chest.
"What," and a death glare was all he could muster amidst the internal panic. He could feel his palms sweat as he tried to rub it off his shorts.
Isagi's eyebrow raised. "That's new. What's with that reaction?"
He stared at him with his calculating, tantalizing blue eyes and Rin felt the urge to punch the boy in his face so that he would not look at him anymore. He hated Isagi's intense gaze upon him; it's almost as if he could see right through, catching up to his carefully masked thoughts like he always did in the field.
Rin dislikes Isagi but he would not deny the boy's ability to always catch up, no matter how far the gap was. He'd always run to him with perfect calculation and clutch him like a mouse catching its prey. The next thing Rin knew, he's already dancing to Isagi's tune. It's almost annoying how well they complement each other.
Rin is, after all, someone who takes pride in his solitude. In his head, he hopes that Isagi will not catch up to him. He knew that if he did, he might as well just recite him out loud like a book.
"None of your business. Why did you come here?" Rin asked sharply.
"You were taking your sweet time in here," Isagi replied, his eyes wandering around the locker room. "Ego-san and the others thought you were dead. Such a shame you weren't."
Rin's right eye twitched. He walked towards the other boy which made him step back. "Want me to kill you?"
Isagi chuckled lightly and waved his hands off. "Nah, I was just kidding. Ego-san was looking for you, though. Keep your murder tendencies in check."
Rin almost rolled his eyes. He turned around and pretended to look for something inside his locker.
"I'll go back in a minute."
"Sure," Isagi responded. As he was going back, he whispered something that caught Rin's ears.
"I kinda missed the threats, though..."
As soon as Isagi left, Rin sat on the bench again. He clutched his hotter than usual face and let the crack on his mask show. His face displayed an agonizing, helpless frown far from his cold demeanor earlier. His head felt lighter.
What the fuck...
Rin was going nuts.
This was the fourth quiz he took that day, and they were all pranks that displayed the same awful joke. Rin wanted to kick the monitor because of the sore eye inducing text.
The rainbow colored text flickered on the screen.
If you clicked on this quiz, you are probably GAY!!!!!!
He slowly closed the "Are U Gay" quiz tab. He leaned on his desk chair and sighed, eyeing his computer monitor. A tab with the Google search "am i gay quiz" is beside the "how to stop liking someone" tab which was also beside the "signs you have crush on someone" tab.
Rin closed his eyes to think. This is too bizarre for him. He never liked someone romantically before. He's not even sure if he liked the boy, but his reactions to Isagi from weeks—or months—ago was weird enough for him to not notice. Rin is not ignorant; he has self awareness to some extent.
And that self awareness is telling him that he likes the person. The boy.
Rin felt nauseous at the thought. He is not sure if the subtle ache in his stomach is just out of pure disgust, or the "butterflies' ' as said on the blog he read about signs that you have a crush on someone. He always labeled the random stomach ache when Isagi is near as the former.
He felt a headache coming. While it was hard to acknowledge, this is what he has now.
Rin then thought about Sae. He took his phone immediately and searched his name on his contact list. He stared at his profile for a few seconds.
It's funny how his reflex was to ask Sae when he needed help on something. After all those years that he was distant, Rin still needed his older brother in desperate times even after he invented himself to become a sword. Swords are used to fight and slash bodies. They do not weep.
Hence like always, Rin still did not reach out and turned down the idea of asking for help. Turning off his phone, he rests his forehead on its screen.
Nii-chan, is this okay?
Is liking a boy okay?
Rin drank his water quite harshly, slumping as he sat on the bleachers. He was distracted today, which was too much for his liking. This attraction thing is creating problems for him, and it is concerning. It has already affected his practices. He practices with Isagi on a daily basis!
He doesn't understand. He already did the tips he read on "how to stop liking someone", why is his 'like' not coming off? He already distracted himself enough through football but it always ends up with him getting distracted by a certain player!
Rin wanted to throw a tantrum there and then. His eyes then caught a glimpse of Isagi fooling around with a bob head. Bachira.
"Stop!" Isagi yelled from far away, laughing frantically as he tried to get away from Bachira who was also laughing at his reaction. The bob head caught his waist and tickled it endlessly while Isagi was laughing and yelling like a dying pig until they laid on the ground.
Rin's eyebrow twitched. What the fuck? Did they come here just to fool around?
His sharp gaze scrutinized the behavior of the two. He felt a weird tug in his gut as he looked at Isagi chuckling loudly, his eyes almost disappearing in his big smile. His blue eyes were directly looking at Bachira, who was also smiling at him fondly.
They are so close. Rin knew that. Their closeness is more than physical.
But they are too close.
He felt another tug in his chest. Could he be close to someone like how Bachira and Isagi were to each other? Rin honestly didn't think so. He was always distant and alone, even when he's with other people. It was his own choice to be that way.
Even if a person embraces him tightly, he would always be at an arm's length.
How could he be close to someone?
How could he be close to Isagi?
At that moment, he envied Bachira.
Rin looked away when Isagi's head turned his way. He stood up and walked away from the bleachers towards the field. His steps then came into a halt when he remembered something from the blog about the signs you have a crush on someone.
"Number 8: You feel jealous when they are with other people."
"Hey, Rin! The ball!" a voice shouted at him from a distance, pulling him out of his thoughts. His eyes caught an upcoming ball from his right.
He kicked it angrily.
Fuck...
The first person to come to Rin's aid when his ankle twisted was Isagi.
It was his first time being careless and getting injured in a practice. The official match is near, and he might not make it if he doesn't heal soon. The frustration he felt for himself and his fucking stupidity overwhelms the pain in his ankle. He wanted to punch something so badly.
Rin knew he was already light years away from Sae and his skills. Their distance would never shorten, if he keeps being so damn helpless all the time.
The nurse left as soon as he was done with his ankle. He told him straight away that his chance of being able to join the upcoming match is low. Rin laid down quietly, gritting his teeth in anger.
Isagi walked near his bed. "Rin—"
"Don't touch me," Rin spat sharply as he slapped away Isagi's hand. He can't be less than self-sufficient; it was already embarrassing enough that he's the one who helped him immediately.
Isagi then quietly sat on the chair on the bedside. His right hand now has a red mark on it.
"Go away, Lukewarm."
He kept silent and pretended that he was not hearing Ring which made the taller's blood boil even more.
"Are you fucking deaf? Didn't I tell you to—"
"Shut the fuck up, Emo boy," Isagi interrupted. Rin's eyes widened slightly at the sudden retort. For a few moments, it was quiet until the boy spoke again.
Isagi cleared his throat. "You see, Rin, you happened to be our team's ace. I know how the likes of you work to some degree. You are a perfectionist, to a fault. Your every move is optimized for you to improve your skills which are aligned to your goal of crushing your brother in the field.
Hence, when you fail a little, you take it to heart. You criticize yourself way too much. Remember when I went outside of your expectations? You were mad."
Rin looked away with furrowed eyebrows. He hates how accurate what Isagi is spouting right now. He might as well just write a profile about him, and he will probably be right about everything.
"While you did get up after your setbacks, didn't it take you some time? Nevermind your injury, I'm sure you'll recover quickly. But you being prone to spiraling because of a shortcoming? I don't want complications on our team in the long run. After all, it isn't Blue Lock without you."
Isagi sighed while looking at Rin who refused to look back at him. "Rin, what I'm saying here is, it's alright to lag behind Sae for now. You don't have to rush."
Rin finally looked at Isagi. Those were the words he wanted to hear for so damn long. How did he...
How did Isagi know exactly what to say to him, at the exact time he needed to hear it?
He exchanged gazes with Isagi. He could feel the genuine concern in his eyes, and his chest hurts again like the way it did when he hugged him for the first time. So painful, but it felt good. Rin felt guilty for feeling somewhat nice.
The intensity of Isagi's blue eyes felt like those orbs were sucking Rin in; telling him that he knew, he always knew him; telling him that it was alright, it's okay to be a little fragile.
The warmth was too much for him so he looked away. The world became a little more vibrant in his eyes. Rin thought that it was bad news.
"Also, Rin, weren't you distracted lately? Don't blame yourself too much. It can't be helped sometimes."
A touch on his forearm felt like electricity ran through his skin. Isagi's hand was warm as it caressed it lightly, as if he was soothing a baby; as if he was touching something dainty. He knew very well that the boy knows that he's anything else other than fragile and weak.
Why is he treating him so gently?
Rin shifted on his seat and tried to relax his body. There was an uncomfortable yet familiar feeling in his stomach. He could it in every inch of his skin.
After all, there was something that Isagi would miss if he did create a profile about Rin Itoshi. It would be Rin's "likes" section. Isagi doesn't know and he wouldn't dare write his name in the blank, no?
Rin helplessly looked at the window. It was raining. In his head, he called his brother again.
Nii-chan, come get me. The frustration feels like razor blades running against my skin and digging through my bones.
Intimacy was no better.
"Sorry for calling you an emo boy, by the way," Isagi blurted in embarrassment.
Rin only huffed at the audacity.
The match had just ended. Blue Lock won, as Rin had expected. He got to play in the match as he took the nurse's words seriously each time and actually followed his recovery tips. For a while, he didn't get to practice. But he did take the opportunity to observe the dynamics of his team and enhance his spatial awareness. Overall, the game was not his best. He could have done better.
Rin planned to go home immediately after the match but Isagi held him up and asked him to wait for him. He could ignore him, but his head rushed to think about the possibilities as to why Isagi wanted to be with him after the match.
His eyebrows met as he thought. Could it be... that?
Does he even like boys?
No, even if he liked boys... does he even like me, generally, as a person?
Wasn't Bachira and him—
"Hey!"
Rin got pulled out from his preoccupation. He watched Isagi walk towards him blankly.
"What's this for? I want to go home already." he asked Isagi as they walked together. The boy was busy looking for something in his bag.
"Nothing, really. You didn't look satisfied even though we won," Isagi responded while still rummaging in his bag.
Rin didn't say anything. He was right again, about him. Something in him felt a little good, being seen. "...Yeah."
"Geez. Be a little more gentle to yourself, man."
Isagi finally got his hands out of his bag. He had two oranges in his hands. He offered one to Rin. "I forgot these oranges my mom packed for me. Want one?"
"No."
Isagi retracted his hand. They walked side to side; one was appreciating the sunset and one was peeling an orange. Once he was done with the orange, he offered a segment of it to Rin. When he shook his head, he didn't retract his hand until he took it from his hand.
When Rin took the segment, he pinched it a little which made it squeeze and pop in his fingers. He looked at his hand with dripping orange juice blankly and wiped it off with his handkerchief.
Isagi chuckled. "See? You have to be gentle on some things, Rin."
He then divided the orange into two, giving the half to Rin. He took it wordlessly.
How can he speak when his heart is already rioting in his chest? He wondered if Isagi could hear it. He wondered if he did, what would he think of it? Would he be disgusted?
It was now Isagi's turn to admire the sunset after peeling the orange. And it was now the time for Rin to adore how Isagi looked with the setting sun. The orange tint in his blue eyes was rather beautiful.
Rin wanted to reach out and tuck his hair with a flower. Morning glory. Blue, like his eyes.
Still, he teared his eyes away from Isagi. He felt embarrassed of his thoughts. Humiliated, even. His own desires that make him look like he needs anyone other than himself was shameful. He wouldn't dare let anyone know that.
He's sure it'll pass. It should. It would.
"Um, Rin..." Isagi mumbled. He looked at him but his eyes immediately saw his red ears.
Huh?
"Promise me you won't tell anyone what you'll hear from me and promise me you'll forget it immediately," he continued, each syllable he's spatting was faster than the other. Rin almost couldn't catch it. He nodded mindlessly.
Isagi took a deep breath in and faced Rin in the eye. He lightly slapped Rin's face on both sides which made his eyes widen. He didn't remove his hands on the other's cheeks then cupped his face a little tightly. Isagi looked at him intensely as he closed their gaps a little.
"Rin, you see, I—"
"ISAGI! YOU'RE HERE!"
A sprinting Bachira was seen from a distance. He jumped on Isagi's back as soon as he reached their place. Isagi almost fell to the ground, his face beet red.
"Oh! Rin-chan! You're here! You're finally coming to our celebration, eh?~" Bachira exclaimed happily. His eyes then shifted from Rin who looked confused to his friend, Isagi.
"Eh? Isagi? Why are you red? Are you alright? Should I..."
The more questions Bachira asks, the redder Isagi gets. He can't even look at Rin anymore.
"Hey, hey, Isagi. What happened to y—"
"BACHIRA, YOU IDIOT!"
The two of them ran off to the restaurant where they were supposed to celebrate their win. Bachira was laughing frantically as he ran, teasing him because he finally got a hint of the prior situation. Isagi sighed mentally.
Guess that could wait.
He then looked back to Rin. "Rin, let's go!"
Rin hoped inwardly that what Isagi was saying to him earlier was anything good.