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Chapter Text

"The Offspring" by Kelli_Ro

August, 1996

******************************** 

The Offspring 

The police department was in chaos. Children of various ages dressed in nothing but cotton, hospital-style gowns were ransacking desks of exasperated detectives and wreaking havoc with the water fountain. 

Mulder and Scully approached a harried-looking sergeant and asked to be directed to the detective in charge. 

"Detective King," the man responded, motioning to a tall, stocky gentleman in his late forties, "over there." 

Scully started for Detective King but stopped when Mulder didn't follow. She gave him a questioning look. 

He nodded in the direction of a uniformed officer. "You go ahead and talk to King, I'm going to question the officer who brought them in." 

Scully nodded in return and they headed their separate ways. 

Mulder approached the young man. "Officer..." he bent forward slightly to examine his name tag, "Creed. I'm Fox Mulder, I'm with the Bureau," he said, flashing his badge. "Can you tell me what happened here?" 

Creed nodded and took out his pad. "Yes sir." The officer was still green and glanced at his pad nervously as he spoke. "My partner and I were out on patrol, we had just gone down Lexington and turned onto Chapel when we saw this group of kids coming out of the field behind the old church-- just comin' out of there like a bunch of ghosts floating up from the cemetery. It was weird. Anyway, we rounded them up and brought them in. There were fourteen of them all together, all girls, ages range from about two to twelve. We questioned some of the older ones, but..." the officer shook his head, and Mulder knew well the expression on his face: skepticism. 

Mulder raised his eyebrows at him. 

"Couldn't really get anything out of them." 

"Why, what did they say?" Mulder's heart pounded in his chest, his throat tightened in anticipation of what the officer was going to say. Cases like this were the reason he was in all this to begin with— maybe, just maybe, one of those children could be Samantha. 

"Said they were dropped off from some ‘alien’ space ship. That they were born on the ship from mothers who were... here let me get the word they used..." Creed consulted his pad, "'abductees'." 

Mulder nodded, containing his disappointment, but stepped closer in interest. "Well were they able to tell you why they were returned now?" 

Shrugging, Creed responded: "No sir. They say they don't know. We don't know what to make of it. Right now we're thinking maybe they were in some kind of cult and brainwashed or something. Lot of talk about that around here, you know? At any rate, we've got a list of the mother's names— we're going to check them out." 

"What about the younger ones? Surely they weren't able to tell you their mother's names." 

"No, no sir. The older kids knew their mother's names for them." 

"Do you have the list?" 

Creed nodded and handed him a piece of paper. Mulder scanned the names on the list. He got about halfway down the page when he suddenly felt like someone had thrown a bucket of ice water over him. "This name... is this right? You got this list from the kids?" His tone had taken on a hint of urgency. 

The officer examined the name he indicated and double-checked it on his own pad. "Yes sir, says it right here: Dana Scully." 

Mulder looked over across the room at his partner... and saw her face go white; obviously, she had just received the same information. She looked up at him and their eyes met across the room. The panic in hers was evident. Mulder went to her. 

"What..." she was clearing her throat as Mulder came up along side her, "what did you say those last few names were?" 

King re-read part of the list: "Beth Hollan, Donna Price, Anne LeMay, Dana Scully, Maria DiCostansa, Julia Walters..." He turned his attention to an approaching officer who required his signature. 

Scully looked up at Mulder and he could see that she was at risk of losing the dinner they'd had only a short time ago. She straightened and turned her attention back to King. "Well we're going to need to contact the mothers as soon as possible to see if they can corroborate the accounts of 'abductions'." 

Mulder stepped closer, between her and the detective, drawing them into private conversation. "Scully what are you doing?" 

"I'm proceeding with the case." 

"Did you hear what he said?" 

"There's nothing wrong with my hearing." 

"One of those children—“ 

"Let's not talk about this right now, Mulder." 

"You have a better time?" 

"Mulder..." 

He could see she what she was doing, trying to shut off the feelings by focusing on the job like they both had so often. She was really rattled, but no way she was going to show it. 

She stared at him, and he could see she was trying to keep her breathing even. 

He rested a firm, supportive hand on her shoulder. "Let's not jump to any conclusions here, Scully," he said evenly. "We don't know how accurate those names are, we haven't checked any of them out.” He smiled thinly. “Besides, chances are there are more than one Dana Scullys in the world." 

She nodded in response, but her eyes were unfocused, staring out across the room. “You’re right; it doesn't mean..." her voice trailed off as a group of the children ran by. Trailing behind some of her older cohorts, a little girl with big blue eyes and perfect cupid's bow lips was looking around the station in bewilderment. She was the only redhead in a sea of blondes and brunettes. 

Mulder heart sank; he could've spotted that little girl in the middle of a crowded theme park packed with children and he would've known she was his partner’s. He looked back down at Scully and saw that she was having a similar reaction. Her mouth dropped slightly and a small sound escaped her throat. 

Mulder turned her away and, draping an arm across her shoulders, started to lead her out of the room. 

“Wait—" she tried to turn around, “Mulder—“ 

Mulder continued to escort her out of the room with firm but gentle resolve until they were in the quiet hallway. 

She leaned against the wall as Mulder held her shoulders, trying to help her stay anchored. “Scully—" 

"This isn't possible," she muttered to herself. 

"We'll check it out—“ 

"This isn't possible! I can't..." She brought a hand up over her face. "My God what did they do to me?" she breathed, not directing the question at anyone in particular. 

Mulder tightened his grip reassuringly and waiting for her to look at him. "Scully, I want you to go home, I’ll—" 

"There's no way I'm leaving, Mulder," she said firmly. "I have to know if... I have to find out what's going on." She ran her hands over her face and back through her hair, trying to will down the bile that was rising in the back of her throat. "This is impossible," she repeated in a whisper. She looked up at Mulder and met his eyes, and she could see they were both thinking the same thing: of course, it most definitely was. 

*********************** 

Detective King watched the two FBI agents through the glass in the hallway. Whatever they were talking about, it looked pretty intense. But they'd been talking for some time now and he was anxious to get the ball rolling. When he was able to catch Agent Mulder's eye, he motioned to him. 

*********************** 

"King wants us." Mulder looked back down at Scully, but she didn't seem to have heard him. "Scully are you sure about this?" 

After a moment, she looked up at him and nodded.

"Because you can take some time—“ 

"No. I'm sure, Mulder." 

Their eyes held for a long moment. Mulder nodded back and went into the room. 

************************ 

"Sorry to interrupt but I don't have all night," King said. "What do you want to do about these reports?" 

Mulder looked around the room. "Look, it's late. Why don't we wait and finish questioning them in the morning. We'll also need to get them to a hospital and run some routine tests, and of course some blood samples if we're going to have to do maternity tests. What are you doing with them for the night?" 

"We called in DCYF. They're taking them to a shelter for the night, until all the mothers can be contacted." 

Mulder tried to sound as casual as he could. "Well Agent Scully is going to be taking one of the children into custody with her tonight." 

The detective stared at him, the name not registering; his only concern the distinct feeling that his toes had just been stepped on. "You can't do that..." 

Mulder rested his hands on his hips. "The Bureau expects the full cooperation of your department on this matter, Detective." 

King stared defiantly back at him; this wasn't procedure, and he wasn't going to back down. 

Sensing the man bristle, Mulder dropped his hands and lowered his voice. "Look, my partner thinks that one of the children may be... may belong to a relative, we want to get a head start on that one. If you catch any heat on it you can tell them I said she was taken under my authority." 

After a moment, King nodded uncertainly and Mulder gave a small smile in appreciation. A minor commotion to his right grabbed his attention as another group of children moved past him. Once again, the little red-haired girl trailed behind. Mulder stared at her. 

King followed the agent's gaze to the small child. A wide grin spread across his face. "She's a cute one, isn't she? One of only a couple of the two-year olds we brought in. The older girls call her 'Lily'." 

Mulder turned back to face the detective as a cold chill descended on him. And he knew things would never be the same. 

******************************* 

Calling in another of his favors, Mulder had taken Scully and the little girl to a friend and had him run the blood test right then and there; he didn't want Scully to have to agonize about it all night... and he didn't want to either. The test only confirmed what they both already knew: it was true, the child was hers. She was also given a cursory physical exam, and it was obvious that she had been well cared for; she was in the normal percentiles for height and weight in her age range... though it was estimated she was probably closer to three than two. She had a solid, mesomorphic build and her motor skills were above average. All in all, she was in perfect health. 

Though it was very late by the time they were heading back to her apartment, Scully sat wide-awake and stoic in the passenger's seat next to him as Mulder took them home. She didn't say a word the entire drive back. 

When they'd finally entered her apartment, Scully brought the sleeping child into the bedroom and settled her on her bed, surrounding her with pillows. Her face was weary and strained as she came back out into living area. 

Mulder looked up at her from the couch as she came to sit next to him. She looked like someone on the verge, so lost that he didn't know what to say to her. 

After a moment Scully sat forward on the couch. "I put her on my bed— I hope that's okay." She turned to meet her partner’s concerned gaze, her eyes brimming with the unshed tears she was fighting back. She made a helpless gesture with her hands and smiled weakly at the floor. "I don't even know if she's supposed to sleep in a crib at this age." She studied her hands in silence, and she was grateful for the warm and heavy hand Mulder rested on her back. After a long moment, she started again. "I don't know if I'm ready for this, Mulder. I just don't know if I can do it. What am I going to do if I can't? What am I going to do?" She covered her face with her hands, and this time she couldn't hold back the tears; a small, choked noise escaped her. Mulder reached an arm across her shoulders, pulling her to him. She leaned into his chest and cried silent tears. 

Mulder's heart twisted as he held her. That she could turn to him for comfort meant more to him than she could ever know. And those rare times she did, he wished he could say something to help her feel better, but just like those other times, she seemed content just to be held by him. 

It was a long time before her tears dried. 

****************************** 

The next day Mulder was surprised to see Scully enter the office— and on time no less; he had assumed she would take the day off. "Hi," he said, his tone high with surprise. 

"Hi." She knew what he was wondering. "She's with my mother. Mom said she'd watch her for me whenever I needed it until I can get some kind of day care worked out." 

Mulder nodded and wondered what Mrs. Scully's reaction had been. Shock would probably have been an understatement. He watched his partner with concern. Scully had that look on her face, the one he knew so well. He'd seen the same look on her face the day after her father died... her emotions were being kept bolted down. 

He got up and helped her get her coat off, then rested his hands on her shoulders. "Are you all right?" 

She stared at his chest and nodded. 

She wasn't, of course, but he wasn't going to push. 

******************************* 

Mulder watched her carefully as the days moved on; he was certain she would crack at any moment and if that happened he wanted to be there to help her pick up the pieces. But with each passing day, he saw that it wasn't happening, and he began to worry that when it did it was going to be disastrous. That first week she stayed late at work, came in on that Saturday... she was avoiding going home; avoiding being with that little girl. 

"Scully what are you doing?" 

"What are you talking about?" 

It was late, almost two weeks later, and Mulder couldn't stand to watch it anymore; he decided to confront her about it. "You should be home," he said cautiously. 

Staring at him because she couldn't deny it, Scully remained silent. After a moment, she nodded at him, then lowered her eyes. "You're right." She started stacking the files she'd been going through. 

"Just leave that, I'll get it. You go." 

"You're sure?" He nodded and she forced a small smile in return. 

Scully gathered her things and left, and Mulder stared after her for a long time. The other children had since been examined and returned to their mothers; all of them found to be in the same condition as Scully's little girl was: developmentally, physically, and psychologically well. Why had they been returned? Just to camouflage the return of the one they really wanted to send back, possibly to distract them? He ran over and over in his mind the list of recent cases they'd been working on, but he couldn't think of any that might be perceived as some kind of threat to the forces who had worked against them for so long. 

So why? His thoughts focused on that little girl. He wished so much he could talk to her, that he could ask her what it had been like, had they taken good care of them? Did they hurt them? Did she know a girl with pale blue eyes and long brown hair named Samantha? He'd probably never know. His questioning of the older girls had proven unfruitful; they had very little memory of their time prior to being found, of their surrogate “parents.” The detectives in the squad had jokingly called them "the offspring.” Somehow, Mulder couldn't quite find the humor in that. 

***************************** 

Scully roused her sleeping mother from the couch and saw her off. After she'd gone, Scully sat in her kitchen for the longest time. She'd made herself a cup of tea to relax with before she went to bed; but it remained untouched. She stared at the table. What was she going to do? She'd never thought she was cut out to be a mother, though she didn't discount the possibility that someday that would change and that she would have children. But she'd always assumed she'd have a husband to share the joys and responsibilities with, and certainly that it would be planned. 

She chided herself: stop whining. So you didn't plan it... it's not that little girl's fault. And she needs her mother. Though her rational side scoffed at the mere idea, in her darkest moments Scully found herself wondering who her daughter's father was... had he been some other abductee? Or worse— one of her abductors? Or was Lily some product of genetic experimentation that required no father? Scully shuddered at the mere thought of the word “clone." They certainly looked like mother and daughter, but it's not like they were identical. She shook her head. What did it matter really? What she should be concerned about was that there was a little girl sleeping in the other room who needed her, a little girl who was her flesh and blood. The anger rose in her stomach. Assuming she had actually carried the child, she had been denied, no— robbed— of even remembering the experience of pregnancy, of that precious time after the birth where mother and baby bond; and now she had a stranger to love. 

Scully got up and left the kitchen, leaving her cold mug of tea sitting on the table. She entered her bedroom and padded quietly over to the little bed she'd finally purchased; she'd quickly grown tired of sleeping on the couch. Moonlight caressed her back and bathed the room in colorless tones as she stared at the sleeping child for several minutes. Finally, she went to her dresser and quietly changed into her nightshirt. As she started back toward her bed, she saw that the child was now awake; she sat up and smiled at Scully as she approached. 

Scully smiled back. "Hi," she said softly. 

"Night time," Lily informed her. 

Her smile widened. "Yes it is." She hesitated for a moment, then reached out to her. "Come here, you want to come see me?" 

Lily extended her arms up to Scully so she could pull her up over the bed's safety rail. 

"That's it, come here," Scully crooned softly as she brought her into her arms. She turned and pulled the bedcovers back, settling in with her. "You want to sleep here with me tonight?" 

Lily rubbed her eyes and nodded as Scully helped lie her back. Propping her head up on her hand, Scully watched the little girl fade almost immediately back to sleep; it was amazing how kids could do that. She touched the child's face gently and pushed a strand of hair back off her brow. Lily seemed to have more hair than she thought other kids her age had. It just touched her chin and was very fine. A delicate fringe of bangs covered her forehead. Scully remembered her mother telling her once that she had had an abundance of red hair from an early age... 

The thought touched Scully, and with a sudden surge of emotion, the realization that this little person was hers hit her. For the first time she let the affection come. Leaning down to kiss the child's forehead, she pulled her close and settled down to join her in sleep. And just like that, the bonding process had begun; and Dana Scully started to fall in love with her little girl. 

***************************** 

Saturday morning the phone in the office rang unanswered. Sitting at home on his sofa, Mulder replaced the receiver and sat back. Good: she hadn't gone into work today. That was an encouraging sign. So she and Lily would spend the day together... he wondered how they'd fare. He debated about whether or not to go over to Scully’s apartment, not knowing if she really wanted some time alone so they could get to know each other or if she'd appreciate Mulder being there for support. He couldn't decide. Usually, Scully was so easy for him to read, but he couldn't quite figure what she needed from him on this one, what he could possibly do to help. Then again, he knew her better than most, and he should probably go with his instincts... 

***************************** 

Scully was pleased to see Mulder at her door. “Hey— what are you doing here?" 

He stepped into the room and smiled at Lily, who was playing on the floor with some pots and pans. She was wearing a tee shirt and a pair of the smallest jeans Mulder had ever seen. She smiled and displayed a wooden spoon to Mulder, widening his grin. 

"If it's about work, this isn't really a good time," Scully said apologetically, "I wanted to spend the day with Lily..." Scully watched for his reaction. Normally, she was on 24-hour, seven-day-a-week call with her partner to talk about work; she hoped he'd understand. 

"No... actually I just came to see how you were holding up; if you need anything." 

Holding his gaze for a moment, she wondered if he would ever know how much she appreciated that. She reached over and gave his hand a quick squeeze. 

But he didn't let her draw her hand away, he held onto it and she looked at him with surprise. And then that tension was there between them again, an undeniable attraction that turned a tender moment into an awkward one and, for just a moment, suspended them in a place where nothing else existed but the two of them. 

Lily came over and pulled on his coat, reminding them that they were wrong. "Hi," she said brightly. His presence always meant... 

Mulder smiled at her. "What? You want these?" he teased, displaying his keys. 

She shook her head at him. "What you have? I see?" Lily was smack-dab in the middle of her language explosion, and Mulder got the biggest kick out of her cave-speak. 

"I think she's got my M.O. down, Scully," he said with a smile, reaching into his trench coat pocket and pulling out a small stuffed bear; Mulder always brought her a little something when he came to visit. 

Lily took the toy from him and smiled her thanks. "Mee- ow," she said-- bear, cat, monkey... to her it was all the same. 

"It's nice of you to bring those things," Scully said. "Between you and my mom she'll have an adequate supply of toys in no time." 

Mulder smiled reassuringly at her. He knew it had been a rough couple of weeks. She'd been trying to get everything she needed for the baby, but she seemed to run into instances where she needed something she didn't have on almost a daily basis. Mulder also knew her mom had been a tremendous help, but Scully was feeling overwhelmed. 

Lily watched Mulder curiously. "What that guy doing here, Mommy?" 

"Guy?" Mulder asked, a little insulted. He looked over at Scully. "I guess I should be glad she didn't say 'dude'." 

Scully smiled down at the little girl. "Who is that, Lily?" 

One hand cradled the stuffed animal, the other she kept close to her as she pointed at him. "Man." 

Scully picked her up. "That's Mulder." Glancing at him, she teased: "Not Fox—MULDER.” 

"Why do I get the feeling I'm going to be 'guy' for quite a while?" 

“At least until you figure out what you want her to call you.” Lily lay a small hand on Scully's cheek. "Where my ‘neeks, Mommy?" 

She was looking for her sneakers; Scully had promised her a walk to a nearby playground. "I don't know, where'd they go?" she asked, walking back into the living area with her and setting her on the floor. 

Lily displayed her hands questioningly. "Where go?" 

Scully grabbed her waist playfully. "Did you hide them, Lily?" 

"No hide them, Mommy," she laughed. 

"No?" Scully interrogated, tickling her stomach. 

"No!" Lily bent forward as she laughed and tried to push Scully's hands away. 

Mulder's smile faded. He loved seeing this new and beguiling side of Scully, but as he watched the scene a sudden, strange sense of foreboding seized him, and for the first time in the course of his and Scully's relationship, he felt like an outsider. It was the most horrible feeling in the world. "Hey," he said as Scully looked up at him, "I'm going to go." 

"Oh..." Scully said, feeling a bit chagrined. Of course, Mulder probably had a million other things to do with his Saturday than accompany her and her toddler to the playground. "Okay, well thanks for stopping by. I'll see you Monday." 

Their eyes held. 

Mulder gave her a smile he hoped was reassuring, then turned and left. 

***************************** 

Mulder decided to take a step back and give Scully space to bond with her daughter.  He didn't want to intrude, understanding that she needed the time to get to know her little girl. So they saw each other at work, and he would drive her home now and then and bring Lily some toy. But that was it. He would give her whatever time she needed. She deserved that from him and he would never, ever make her feel guilty about that.  But it was hard, for the simple fact that he missed her. 

Before, it was plain to see— not that either of them would acknowledge it— that they needed each other. Now, he wondered if maybe that wasn't as true anymore; at least not for her. She had Lily. Maybe Lily satisfied some need in her that he never could... and that thought devastated him more than he wanted to admit. 

***************************** 

Scully wondered what was going on with Mulder. It seemed like she rarely saw him these days, aside from work of course. Fortunately, things were slow on that end, so she could devote her free time to Lily. She was reluctant to invite Mulder on "family" outings with Lily... she didn't want him to feel responsible for filling in that part of the little girl's life; not that he ever would, but the last thing Scully would ever want would be for him to think she was on the hunt for a father figure for her daughter. But she often wished he'd volunteer to come along or suggest they do something together because the truth was, she missed him. But obviously, he was uncomfortable with the situation, and she would never push. He'd been so supportive through the whole thing; maybe he just needed to get used to the idea that things had changed.

And if he couldn't? That was a possibility she didn't want to consider. 

***************************** 

When Scully called in to say she was taking the day off, Mulder assumed it was to spend it with Lily. He was surprised when he went to run some papers she’d forgotten to her to see Margaret Scully in the apartment. The older woman was coming around the corner from the bedroom when Mulder came in. "Mrs. Scully?" 

"Oh Fox you scared me!" she said with a smile. "I didn't know who that was coming through the door." 

"Sorry about that... is Dana here?" 

"No, she just wanted to take some time for herself today. I'm not sure exactly where she went, maybe into Georgetown. She didn't mention it to you?" 

He shook his head at her. "No." Mulder followed her into the kitchen and leaned against the counter as she prepared Lily's lunch. 

Maggie got the distinct impression he wanted to talk to her about something. "Did you want to leave a message? I'll tell her you stopped by..." 

"No that's okay. She forgot these files she was going to look through at home so I just thought I’d bring them by." 

"Well I'll tell her you were here." 

They were silent for several minutes as Maggie finished preparing lunch and started on some breakfast dishes in the sink. 

Mulder studied the floor. 

"You know, Fox, you've been a real help to Dana. She really appreciates everything you've done." 

Mulder looked over at her with surprise. "I haven't done anything..." 

"You've been there for her, Fox," she said pointedly. 

Mulder stared at her. 

"It's true. Dana said she doesn't know what she would do if you weren't there for her through all this." 

He turned to better face her. "Really? Dana said that?" 

She nodded, and Mulder felt like he'd found something he'd lost. 

********************************* 

It was a cool and misty afternoon, so Scully was alone as she sat on the bench overlooking the Potomac. After she'd spent a few hours walking around Georgetown pretending to window-shop, she decided to head down to the water and sit for a while so she could think away from the crowds of shoppers. Her thoughts were consumed with Mulder and the state of their friendship. She felt like he was slipping away from her, and didn't know what to do about it. Was he afraid of getting too close to her now that she had a child? It would be just like him to worry about Lily becoming a target like she herself had. Or was he just grieving the loss of a partner because he felt like she would no longer be as committed to their work together? 

When she'd sat on that bench for close to an hour and she still didn't feel any better about the situation, she sighed and stood. Darkness was settling in, and she decided to head back to her apartment. 

At home, Scully continued to mull over her thoughts as she worked on stowing the dishes that had been drying in the rack. She was apprehensive about talking to Mulder about what was going on between them, but she didn't know what else to do. She would confront it first thing in the morning at work.

Suddenly, the sounds of Lily talking to herself drifted through the baby monitor. Scully was thankful for the distraction. 

"Get shoes. Shoes. Mommy get Lily shoes." 

Scully smiled to herself as she listened. 

"Playground. Go playground 'morrow." 

The little girl was silent for a minute, and all Scully could hear was that gentle baby breath coming through the monitor. Then she started again: "Time go. Time go home, Lily. See Mommy. Time see Mommy. Bye bye." 

Scully's face fell. She was barely aware of the sound of the cup she’d been holding clattering to the floor as she turned quickly and headed for the bedroom. 

Lily looked over at her as she entered. "Go sleep Mommy?" 

Scully crouched down by the small bed. "No not yet. Lily, what did you say about coming home?" 

"Home." 

"That's right. What did you say?" 

"Here home." 

"Yes, but..." frustrated, Scully couldn't think of any other way to ask her. "Lily... before you came to *this* home, where were you? Do you remember? Can you tell Mommy?" 

Lily stared at her, and Scully could see she wasn't getting through. "Playground 'morrow Mommy?" 

"Sure." Scully smiled at her and regarded her affectionately. "We can go to the playground tomorrow. Come here." Scully picked her little girl and hugged her tight. 

********************************** 

The following morning Scully was surprised to see the lights in the basement office of the J. Edgar Hoover building turned on: Mulder was there already. She braced herself outside the door, then swung it open. 

Mulder looked up at her. "Hi." She didn't look like she was in any mood to talk, but Mulder really wanted to clear the air with her. 

"Hi." Scully headed over to the desk, avoiding eye contact with her partner. She placed her briefcase on the floor and slipped off her coat. All right, better get this over with. “Mulder—" 

“Scully—" 

They spoke simultaneously: "You first." 

Scully lowered her eyes and smiled. “Okay, I'll go," she said, then looked back up at him. "Mulder... is everything all right?" 

He was surprised by the questions. ”What do you mean?" 

"Well... it just seems like you've been so remote lately. I mean you can still call me or stop by if you want to talk about a case or something. It was just that that day you came by—“ 

"Scully," he stood and moved around to her, sitting back on the corner of the desk. "It's not like that. I just want to..." he motioned with his hands, "you know, give you some time with Lily, to get to know her. I don't want to be in the way." 

"In the way? Mulder..." she shook her head at him. 

"I understand, Scully." 

"No I don't think that you do." Mulder stared blankly at her and she didn't know what to say. How could she tell him she needed him more now than ever? 

He stood and stepped closer. "Look, I'm still here for you if you need me, Scully. I just figured you wanted some time to get to know your little girl. You’ve already lost so much time with her." 

"I do want that, but that doesn't mean that I want less time with you... anytime you want to come over, or call, that's fine, that hasn't changed." 

The corner of his mouth turned up at her in appreciation, but he still regarded her uncertainly. 

"I'm not abandoning you, Mulder," she assured him. And she hoped he wouldn't do the same. 

******************************** 

The days moved on; soon a month had passed, and Scully's fears of abandonment soon were put to rest. Mulder was great with Lily, and Scully was so grateful to him. Most partners would've bailed a long time ago. But then Mulder wasn't just her partner, he was her friend. And for that she would always be thankful. 

One evening while Scully was down in the laundry room, Mulder sat typing away on Scully's computer. Lily played quietly with her toys in the middle of the room. It was becoming somewhat of a comfortable routine they were all falling into— spending quiet evenings together.

It wasn't long before Lily grew bored and wandered over to the desk where Mulder was working. "What doin'?" 

Mulder smiled at the big blue eyes staring up at him. "Nothing that I couldn't use a break from,” he said, removing his glasses and pinching the area across his nose where they’d been resting. He lifted Lily into his lap as he reached for the stack of CD-ROM's, pulling out Myst and starting to boot it up. "You want to play a game?" 

Lily examined the blank screen. "Where game?" 

"Hold on, you'll see..." and as they waited, she rested back against his chest, and Mulder leaned in to smell the top of her head. He was fascinated by that sweet, clean scent, a pure freshness that eventually fades with years of marinating in pollution and UV rays. He leaned in further, pressing his cheek against her small one and giving her a hug. 

She reached up and patted his face. 

Mulder grinned against her cheek, and then she sat up as the monitor came to life, watching with fascination as the sounds and pictures danced before her eyes. 

Scully came into the apartment hearing Lily instruct Mulder as she pointed to the left side of the screen. "You go there please." 

"Mulder if that's Doom II we're going to have to have a serious talk." 

He smiled at her over his shoulder, then returned his attention to Lily. "Okay that's enough for now." It was nearing the time Scully liked to give Lily her bath. He turned off the monitor.

"Not over," Lily complained. 

"We'll play more another time." 

"No that's all right," Scully sat heavily on the couch, "you can play a few more minutes if you want." 

"You sure?" Mulder asked. 

Scully nodded and sat back on the sofa, glad he was going to stay. It was nice to have another adult around so she could sneak in a shower or load of laundry or just have a moment where she didn’t have to worry about what Lily might be getting in to. In fact it seemed Mulder was spending more and more after work time with her and Lily. After they'd had their talk, she expected she'd be seeing more of him, but she just didn't think so *much* more. Not that she minded in any way. She knew he had taken a real shine to Lily, but often he would stay long after the little girl had gone to bed. Maybe, like she did, he just missed that time that they used to spend alone together. 

Not ten minutes later when Mulder turned around to ask Scully if it was time for Lily’s bath, she didn't appear to be on the couch. Setting Lily on the floor, he stood and went over to peek over the back of the couch. Scully was fast asleep. Though she would never admit it, motherhood was exhausting her. Not wanting to wake her, Mulder draped a throw blanket over her and decided he'd give Lily a bath for her. He'd never been much of a baby person... he was much better at relating to older kids than small ones. But he and Lily were growing comfortable with each other now; and besides, he thought, how difficult could it be? 

Mulder soaped Lily's head as she played contentedly with her little plastic doll, practicing one of her favorite words: "Bay-bee, bay-bee, bay-bee," she recited as she dunked the doll under the water and back up again repeatedly. She closed her eyes and sputtered as Mulder poured a cup of the warm water over her head to rinse out the baby-shampoo. She laughed and dunked her doll back under the water. "Water Da-dee." 

Mulder froze. And like the Grinch in that ridiculous Christmas story, he suddenly felt like his heart had expanded to three times its normal size... and at the same time, it scared the hell out of him. He stared at Lily as she continued to play. 

Scully entered the room and startled him. 

"Mulder what are you doing?" she asked with a smile. 

“Hey you’re up. I was just giving her a bath for you—just about finished,” he said, pulling Lily out of the tub and reaching for a towel. 

Scully shook her head at him—he never ceased to amaze her. These past few weeks, she had seen sides of her partner she never would've guessed existed. 

"Mulder you didn't have—“ The phone rang out suddenly and Scully went to answer it. "Be careful," she called over her shoulder to him, "she's quick." 

Unfortunately, her advice went unheeded; as Scully stood beside the couch trying to get off the phone with a persistent telemarketer, Lily ran into the room, still stark-naked. Mulder chased behind her with the towel. Scully hung up the phone and watched as Lily streaked through the room, emitting a steadily escalating squeal as Mulder descended on her and secured her in the towel. 

Scully's smile widened.”I warned you." 

Returning a rueful smile, Mulder threw the little girl playfully over his shoulder and headed back into the bathroom. 

Later, once Lily had been tucked into bed, Mulder came out of the bedroom and into the kitchen where Scully was folding up the laundry she’d brought up earlier. He stood in the middle of the room and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "She's all set." 

Scully turned around to face him. It suddenly seemed deadly silent in the kitchen. “Thanks. I’ll go say goodnight.” 

“You’re too late; I think she was asleep before her head even hit the pillow.”

“Oh. I’m not surprised; she was tearing around the playground like a wild thing today.”

Mulder watched her with a smile, taking delight in the fondness he saw in his partner’s eyes every time she spoke about her little girl. They’d come a long way since that first rocky night.

Scully got the impression he wasn’t quite ready to go just yet, and she was in no rush to see him leave. "You want to watch a movie?" 

The corner of his mouth turned up as he walked over to her. Standing close, he watched her for a moment with a playful look in his eyes. "What kind of movie?" he asked lowly. 

Damn him; he loved to unnerved her like that. Not to be undone, Scully swallowed and kept her cool. "Sorry to disappoint you, Mulder, but I'm afraid most of my selections these days are of the 'G' variety." 

He grinned at her. "Got any popcorn?" 

Taking that as a yes, Scully smiled slightly back and turned toward the counter. She reached for one of the cupboards. 

Mulder watched her as she cleared a few of Lily’s toys from the kitchen table. Lily, that little girl with bright eyes and her mother's stubborn streak. That little girl who had called him Daddy. A sudden sense of restlessness settled over him. "Actually, Scully, on second thought I think I'm going to go.” He glanced lamely at his watch. “I didn’t realize how late it was." 

"Oh... “

“Rain check?”

“Sure.” Scully watched him gather his things and go. 

******************* 

Citing a possible cold coming on as an excuse, Mulder spent the weekend at home, consumed with his thoughts. He was glad he had a couple of days alone to sort out his feelings before seeing Scully at work on Monday. He tossed and turned throughout the nights. That single word Lily had uttered had thoroughly unnerved him. Why? Maybe because a father is something he never thought he'd be. Ever. Not that he was now; but that little girl thought he was. And why wouldn't she? He was always around; they were always together... how many people had mistaken he and Scully for husband and wife during the course of their partnership? Why should Lily be any different? It wasn't that the thought of fatherhood was repulsive to him; on the contrary, it was just one of those things that he thought was reserved for other people. He had a hard time just imagining himself being married, finding someone who would want put up with him.

And even if he did. the idea of being a father was… unsettling. He didn't think he had it in him, but then, Lily didn't seem to care... so the question was, did he want to be a father to her? Yes, his instinct responded immediately. And was that such a bad thing? He didn’t know. What he did know was that the most important thing to him was Scully, and giving her back the unwavering support she’d shown him over the years. 

And her little girl, who he’d grown to care for in an astonishingly short period of time. Maybe, he thought wryly, being a father to Lily was the perfect arrangement... he could have that taste of fatherhood with out actually having to go through that whole first part— skip finding a mother and go right to parenthood. He smiled at the thought. Scully would love that, right? Hey, mind if I borrow your kid so I can play at being a father? But no, it wasn't going to be like that. If he was going to commit to this, it wasn't going to be on a trial basis. He couldn't do that to Lily. He would have to be in it for the long run.

And in that moment, he realized that that was just fine. 

*******************************************************

Mulder entered his partner's apartment and smiled at the sight before him: Scully was sacked out on the sofa, in spite of whatever movie was blaring from the television. He suspected she'd fallen asleep just minutes after tucking Lily in. 

He opened the bag of fast food he was carrying as he went quietly to the couch, crouching down in front of her. Pulling a french fry from the bag, he waved it under her nose. 

Scully opened her eyes sleepily and looked at him. "Mulder?" 

"Hi. Want some fries?" 

Sitting up so he could take a seat beside her, Scully reached for the remote and silenced the TV. 

"I brought you a late night snack." He shot a glance to the clock and shrugged as he pulled two burgers from the bag. "An evening snack." He set them on the coffee table in front of them. "Hungry?" 

"Yeah actually I am." She reached for her soda. "Thanks." 

They were quiet for a while, which wasn't really so unusual, but Scully knew something was on her partner's mind... she just couldn't figure out what. 

"So Scully have you thought about Lily's birthday?" 

Maybe she was about to find out. "Birthday?" 

"Yeah. Are you going to give her one?" 

Scully hadn't really given it any thought, but he was right, and she felt a pang of guilt at not having thought of it first. 

"I have an idea." 

She looked at him curiously. 

"September twenty-eighth." 

"Why, what's the significance of that?" 

He passed a napkin over his mouth. After a second, he looked back at her. "That was the day you came back to me." 

She tilted her head to the side slightly as she watched him; sometimes he touched her so deeply that it took every ounce of self-control not to reach out and hug him. "Mulder..." she started, but couldn't find the words. 

"And there's something else I've been wanting to talk to you about." 

His tone caused her to stop and place her food back down on the bag she was using as a plate. “What is it?”

“Lily…” he struggled to find the words, then decided to simply jump in, "she thinks... she called me Daddy the other day." 

Scully’s eyes widened and her heart sank. She could think of few things more effective at driving someone away than the sudden, unexpected responsibility of parenthood. No wonder he’d been acting strangely. ”Oh God, Mulder— I'm sorry... she doesn't understand.” Scully attempted to explain. "We just got this new picture book about families— she generalizes, you know. I'll work on your name with her—“ 

"No you don't understand—that’s not why I’m telling you this. I didn't mind." He paused, staring at her intently. "I don't mind." 

Scully watched him curiously. Slowly, she realized what he was getting at. “Mulder, are you saying..?”

He gave a decisive nod. “Yes.”

For a moment she was speechless. Then she said, “You’ve been so great with her, Mulder—I can’t tell you how much it means to me to feel like I’m not doing this alone. But this…I don’t want to put that responsibility on you.  It’s a lot to ask—too much. And I can't let you—“ 

"This is not a decision I made lightly, Scully. I've given it a lot of thought.  She's such a great kid; she deserves that from me. I want to be there for her. I want to be a father to her, I want to go to all those recitals and soccer games—“ 

Scully regarded him playfully. "Soccer?" It was all too bizarre, the two of them talking about this kind of thing. 

He smiled at his hands. "Hey I have big plans for her." His face became more serious as he turned to face her. "God knows I didn't have the perfect paternal role model, Scully; but if you'll let me, I'll do my best for Lily." 

Her tone was soft but grave. “Mulder, what are you going to do if you get married, have a family of your own someday? If I do?" 

"If you do, then I just hope you'll always let me be a part of her life." 

"And you?" 

"Well my dance card is pretty light at the moment," he joked. "I don't see that happening anytime soon. But it doesn't matter; when and if I do, I'll always consider Lily my first." 

Her eyes filled with tears, and she loved her friend so much she thought her heart would explode. And this time, she did hug him.

******************************* 

Mulder had volunteered to keep an eye on Lily while Scully grabbed a quick shower. As she was getting out of the tub and reaching for her robe, Scully could hear Lily laughing joyously, a string of uncontrollable giggles streaming from the other room. She stole out into the living area to take a peek. 

Mulder was sitting on the floor; Lily was standing just in front of him with her arm outstretched. Mulder had her hand pressed against his lips, blowing against her palm to make indiscreet noises. 

A wide smile appeared on Scully's face as she watched. "Having fun?" 

He looked up quickly, and Scully could see that he was momentarily chagrined... but that quickly faded off his face and he took on an expression she couldn't quite put her finger on. 

Mulder watched her standing there in a thin cotton robe, still wet from her shower, her hair piled on top of her head with damp tendrils clinging to her neck... Time to go; he swallowed and stood. “Well my work here is done,” he said with a smile. “I'm gonna take off." 

Scully was surprised by his sudden announcement of departure. "Oh... well thanks again." 

Mulder walked over and stood before her. Scully looked up at him expectantly, and she suddenly had the strangest sense that he was going to kiss her. But he didn't. Regarding her playfully, he carefully took hold of the collar of her robe and pulled it together; she was by no means exposed, his gesture was meant only to tease her. And that it did. He hesitated, and Scully could feel the color burning in her cheeks at his touch, even through that thick collar of cloth. He leaned in slightly. "Bye." 

He released her, and it was a moment before she could manage a response. "Bye." 

Scully watched him as he started to reach for his coat. "Actually-- do you think you'd mind staying just a few more minutes while I change?" 

"Sure, take your time." He was glad for an excuse to delay going home to his empty apartment. He watched as she disappeared into her bedroom and closed the door. 

Mulder looked back at Lily. She was looking at him expectantly, like she was counting on him to do something spectacular. Lily loved music, it didn't matter what kind, and Scully kept the radio on for her until she could go buy one of those tape recorders they made for kids. Right now the radio was tuned to an oldies station, and The King was singing about his Blue Suede Shoes. Mulder motioned to Lily. "Come here, Lily." 

She stood and approached him. 

"Come here, stand on my feet." He took her hands and steadied her as she placed her bare feet on the tops of his shoes. "You wanna dance with me?" 

She cocked her neck all the way back to look up at him and nodded. 

Mulder carefully started stepping slowly from side to side and then back, holding her hands securely in his. 

Lily grinned up at him. 

"Hey see that, you're dancing." 

"Dancin'," she echoed. 

The song was just finishing when Scully came back into the room in her jeans and a comfortable shirt, her hair brushed and casual around her face. She stopped short at the sight before her. 

He flashed a sheepish grin as he helped Lily off his feet. 

"Dancin'." 

"So I see." She looked back at Mulder. "I didn't know you danced, Mulder," she teased. 

Evidently, she'd forgotten about walking in on him and Phoebe that time in Boston; and he wasn't going to remind her. Mulder approached her with a devilish smile, hooking his arm around her playfully and pulling her close.  "I do.” 

Scully stiffened in surprise, then relaxed. Their faces were close as they smiled at each other. Mulder held one of her hands out to his left as the other rested on her back. After a moment, Mulder let his head fall forward slightly, resting his cheek against her temple, and started to rock with her. The scent of her shower still lingered on her skin; she smelled so good.

Sitting slumped back amidst the pillows on the couch, Lily rested her head on her hand. She watched mesmerized, as if one of her storybooks had come to life and the hero and heroine were sharing a dance at the Ball. 

Scully closed her eyes and let him lead her gently, moving slowly back and forth as Aretha Franklin serenaded them with her slow, soulful ballad...

Ain't no way for me to love you

if you won't let me

Ain't no way for me to give you all you need

if you won't let me give all of me

Mulder’s hand dropped to the small of her back; and then that thing was happening between them again: the lure of that line they often danced along but never crossed… still, there were times like this, when his resolve felt worn out, threadbare, and temptation threatened to consume him.

But how can I how can I how can I

give you all the things I can

if you're tying both of my hands?

And if you need me to love you

say, say that you do

please please please

don't you know that I need you? 

His breath touched her ear, sending a shiver down her spine, and Scully wondered if he knew how being close to him like this effected her. Probably best if he didn’t, she thought. They enjoyed a special connection, a closeness she cherished, but she doubted Mulder would ever push it further, or if she would even want him to.  In any case, she sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one to do so. So she indulged these little moments where she let herself imagine what it might be like if things were different between them.

By the time they finished their dance Mulder's head was spinning and he was having a hard time getting the signal from his brain to his arms to let go of her.

Scully's legs were unsteady as they slowed then stopped their movement and she was glad he didn't release her right away. 

They pulled back slightly, staring at each other awkwardly. 

"Well I better go," Mulder said at last, releasing her. The spot she had occupied was a cold vacuum in her absence. 

Their eyes held, and after a moment, Scully straightened. "All right, I've got to get her ready for bed anyway." 

"Not sleepy," Lily assured her. 

Scully walked to the sofa and crouched down. "Not sleepy?” she asked with a smile.  “You just want to dance with me now, don't you?" 

Mulder watched as Scully picked Lily up and held her back in an exaggerated dip, and his partner's face was filled with a joy he had never seen. He had admitted to himself that he'd quickly grown to love Lily, but as he watched the two of them together now, it was in that second that he realized he had also fallen in love with her mother.

*************************** 

It had undeniably started long before then, but it hadn't really hit him until that single instant when she smiled at her daughter and the pure happiness there filled his heart. What the hell was happening? And how was he going to stop it? And more importantly... did he want to? Lily had changed everything, brought he and Scully together on a new level... one that was much more personal. She'd shifted their worlds around like plate tectonics, and suddenly their entire focus was different. She made him feel like nothing else in the world was as important; and every second he spent with that little girl chipped away a little bit more of his disillusionment and cynicism at this world. Lily had completely stolen his heart... and her mother had had it for a long time. Then, he could see clearly what he wanted: them-- Dana Scully and her daughter. And the strangest thing was, that wasn't such a scary thought at all. 

*****************************

Scully sat on the floor in front of the couch with Lily in her lap. She opened the new book her mom had just bought for Lily as the little girl waited excitedly. The first page showed a colorful picture of the world, with child-like drawings of children of various ethnic backgrounds holding hands around the circumference. 

Lily smiled and pointed at the picture. "Earth." 

A chill prickled the back of her neck. "How did you know that, Lily?" 

"Kids playin'," she said, running her finger over the children in the picture. "You turn page please?" 

Scully obliged, but her brows drew together as she did. Of course, she could've easily have learned that word on TV; but Scully had the feeling that there were just things about her daughter she might never know. 

When they'd finished the book, Scully helped Lily make a bridge from blocks. Lily was quiet, and Scully was left to her thoughts. They were, of course, with Mulder... with what had been happening between them. Lily had filled a strange void in her life—one she hadn't even known existed— but at the same time, she never felt more lonely. Maybe that was exactly why she was feeling more strangely drawn to her partner than she ever had before—and that was no small thing to admit. Mulder probably wasn't even aware of what was happening; here he was being wonderful and supportive and she was lusting after the poor guy. She sighed inwardly and tried to focus on the task at hand. 

A soft knocking on the door interrupted their construction project and Scully got up to answer it. 

Mulder displayed a file as he stood in her doorway and offered an unsure smile. "Can I run some things by you?" 

"Of course, come on in. It's almost Lily's bed time anyway." 

Right on cue, the little girl came running over to him with outstretched arms, her face lit up like a Christmas tree; she wasn't expecting a toy;  they'd long since nixed that particular ritual.  She was simply thrilled to see her favorite “guy." 

Mulder brought her up into his arms and gave her a hug before setting her back on the floor. 

Lily looked up at him expectantly. "Playground?" 

"Sure, you drivin'?" 

Lily smiled, knowing she was being teased, and placed her hands on her hips. "Settle down now," she mimicked in the exact tone she'd heard her mother use on several occasions. 

Scully smiled and rested a hand on her head. "That's my girl. You tell him." 

Mulder smiled back at her, then their faces grew more solemn. 

“So,” Scully said, “you wanted me to look at those files?" 

Lily settled on the couch watching one of her videos while Mulder and Scully sat at the desk behind her, going over the case file. She had been stubborn about going to bed. Lily always hated to go to sleep when Mulder was there, so they'd set her up on the couch, knowing in a matter of minutes she'd be out anyway. The room was dark except for the light by the computer where they worked and that coming from the TV. It got late, and they eventually decided to call it quits for the night. Scully realized the video Lily had been watching was long since over, the TV displaying a blank blue screen. She got up from her chair, and Mulder followed her over to the couch. They looked over the back of the sofa at Lily; she was sound asleep. They watched her for a moment. 

"She looks so much like you," Mulder whispered. 

"Uh," she grunted softly. "Poor thing," she joked, “freckles are a nightmare.” 

"What? I'm serious... she's going to be beautiful." 

Scully looked up at him, trying to gauge his intent, and their eyes held. "Well," she cleared her throat and started to lean over the couch, "I better get her to bed." 

Mulder stopped her by laying an arm over hers. 

She froze. 

"Why don't you leave her here for a while?" he whispered, and when she looked up at him, his face was intense with... she didn't know. Was she misreading him again? She straightened and stared at him. Maybe he’d decided they should keep working. ”I’ll get her another blanket." Scully didn't hear Mulder follow her into the bedroom, so she was startled to see him standing in the doorway when she turned back around. There was no mistaking the look in his eyes now. 

Mulder watched her in the moonlight, and his heart was pounding in his chest. He was about to cross that proverbial line— would Scully let him through? For better or worse, the effect he suspected he might have on his partner was about to be put to the test, but he needed to know if she felt the same way. He closed the door most of the way, leaving it open a few inches to be able to hear Lily if she woke up. Walking over until he was standing very close to her, he held her face lightly. 

Scully’s mind was reeling—if they did this, things were going to get irrevocably complicated—but then Lily had already done that, in the most wonderful of ways, since coming into their lives.  "Mulder..."

"What?" he said, bringing his face closer, daring her to resist him. 

But she had quite suddenly lost her grasp of the English language and could not answer. Her skin tingled; the only thing she was aware of was broad shoulders and the smell of warm skin.

And so they stood motionless, locked in the moment. 

Mulder knew what he wanted but could see the doubts in her eyes; it was time to be brave.  Taking a step closer, their bodies touched gently, and he lightly brushed his lips across her open mouth. A small noise escaped her as he did so, and then he kissed her upper lip, then her bottom one, and she was left thirsting for the full feel of his kiss, of his mouth against hers. And then he obliged her, pressing his mouth squarely against hers, his tongue slipped between her lips and the desire shot through her; she drew her arms up around his neck and held him tightly, every bit of hesitation and concern evaporating in the heat of that kiss. This was Mulder, and she loved him. Of course she loved him; had loved him as a friend for a long time and more recently, as something more. Only she hadn’t been able to admit it to herself. And now, feeling how badly he wanted her, any reason she might have had for restraint flew right out of her head.

Mulder lay her back on the bed, and she could feel his hands moving over her, sliding underneath her clothes, the pure arousal of his gentle, hungry kiss. And then they both lost in the feel of each other, working haphazardly at their clothes but still partially dressed when their bodies came together at last, melting into each other’s warm embrace. 

Then, in a suspended moment their eyes met and held, and two friends smiled at each other, because they were happy, because they were making each other feel so good, because they had everything in the world that they could want…

Afterward they lay facing each other in hazy, drowsy contentment. Scully rested a palm on his cheek as unspoken words flowed between them.  She shifted closer to nuzzle his neck as his arms came around her. They lingered there for some time, until she lifted her head to kiss his jaw, his chin, her lips hovering at his mouth as he pulled her tighter against him. This time they took it slow, working their way to bare skin and with more deliberate purpose.

Later in the night, after their second episode had left them spent and sleepy, Mulder got up from bed, and, slipping on his boxers, went out to get Lily off the couch. They hadn't intended on falling asleep, but sheer physical exhaustion had denied them any say in the matter. So in a moment of panic Mulder had jolted from sleep, remembering she was sleeping out in the other room. 

Lily was curled up on the sofa, snuggled up to one of the pillows. Mulder smiled and gathered her into his arms, always amazed at how small she was. "Not sleepy Daddy," she mumbled from somewhere in her dream state. Mulder's smile widened. 

Once she was settled back in her bed and he'd secured the safety bar, Mulder slid back into bed with Scully. She was sleeping on her side, facing him. He pulled her to him and kissed her softly. She responded to him, kissing him back though still half asleep and he wanted more than anything to roll her over and have her once more... but not with Lily in the room. He took a deep breath and hugged her close, willing the sleep to find him. First thing in the morning, they were going to have to start looking for a two-bedroom apartment. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Offspring 2: Without a Trace 

The day's first delicate rays of sunshine filtered through sheer white curtains and filled the bedroom with a warm, hazy glow. Mulder opened his eyes to find he was looking directly into Lily's. Evidently, she had mastered the art of scaling her bed's safety guard. She studied him with a curious expression. 

Mulder smiled at her. 

"You sleep over." 

"Yeah I did..." Mulder shifted to look over his shoulder at Scully, who was still sleeping soundly. He turned back to Lily. "I um..." he looked at her, at those innocent eyes... and he suddenly felt extremely guilty about the unspeakable things he'd done to her mother the night before. "I got really tired and fell asleep." 

That answer seemed to satisfy her; she pulled herself onto the bed and crawled over him to get to Scully. "Time wake up, Mommy." 

Scully smiled drowsily and pulled her closer, taking in her baby’s warm and sleepy scent. Lily snuggled up to her. 

"Does she always get up this early?" 

Scully finally opened her eyes and looked at him over Lily's shoulder. "I haven't used my alarm clock in months." 

Lily maneuvered over Scully and slid off the bed. She ran into the living area, her bare, chubby feet slapping against hardwood floors as she went. "Fruit Loops!" she yelled excitedly as her voice disappeared into the kitchen. 

"Settle down, Lily, I'll be right there," Scully called to her. She looked up at Mulder, who had propped himself up on an elbow to look down at her. 

"Fruit Loops? You don't really let her eat that stuff, do you, Scully?" 

Her mouth curled up slightly: she was guilty. There was no telling what Lily's life had been like before she was returned; and because of that, Scully had to admit, she had a tendency to want to give her everything her heart desired now. 

Mulder rolled toward her and brought Scully into his arms, suddenly finding Lily's breakfast habits were the farthest thing from his mind. "Hi," he said, leaning in to kiss her. 

"Hi." 

His smile was boyish. "I had fun last night." 

"Me too." 

"I think I used muscles I never knew I had..." 

She suppressed a laugh. 

Mulder pulled her closer and drew her into a lingering kiss, letting his hands run down over the smooth fabric of her nightshirt. He rolled on top of her, and she could feel the desire rising in him. "I want you," he whispered between kisses. 

"Mulder..." she whispered back, in that moment wanting him more than anything. 

With a quick groan of frustration he rolled off of her. He ran a hand through his hair and looked back over at her. "Okay, if you’re going to get her some breakfast, maybe I should go take a shower." 

The look in her eyes was playful. “Might I suggest a cold one?" 

"They don't make water that cold, Scully," he said with a smile.  

She gave a short, quick laugh, the gem that she seemed to so rarely bestow and it widened his own grin. 

Scully got up, threw on some sweatpants and headed for the living area. 

Lily was standing in front of the TV, watching a cartoon with wide-eyed interest. The program flipped to commercial and an advertisement for the very thing Lily had requested only moments ago appeared on the screen. 

Lily pointed at it and looked back at Scully with awe and delight. "Loops," she said. 

Scully came up behind her and brought her into her arms, holding her several feet above the floor. She pressed her cheek against the little girl's. "Lily you're not hungry are you?" 

"Hungry," she agreed, then clasped her hands in front of her in anticipation. "Down please." 

Scully smiled. "Down?" 

Lily squirmed excitedly in Scully's arm. "Yes!" she laughed, "I go down now." 

Mulder came into the room pulling his tee-shirt on, still in his boxers.“What’s all the commotion?”

Lily outstretched her arms to him. "Help help!" 

Smiling, Mulder rested his hands on his hips and teased: "You're on your own, kid." 

Lily shrieked gleefully as Scully shifted her until she was holding the little girl above her head. She wriggled and twisted by Scully kept hold.

Mulder took pity on the wee captive and approached them, easily lifting Lily out of the hands of the petite woman who'd been holding her. 

"Hey..." Scully complained as Lily was essentially air-lifted from her grasp. 

The child's eyes were bright with excitement; she looked down at her mother expectantly. 

Scully smiled and tried to reach up to her. "I'm gonna get you, Lily!" 

Her laughter escalated as Mulder held her higher above his head, out of Scully's reach. Lily had that infectious, joyous laughter and Mulder couldn't help but smile. 

Suddenly, the three of them turned their heads in unison toward the door: keys were turning in the lock. 

Her eyes wide with panic, Scully turned to look at Mulder. "My mother..." 

Mulder quickly handed Lily to Scully and went back into the bedroom. He grabbed for his trousers and shirt and ducked into the bathroom. 

Scully met her mom at the door as she was entering. “Hi— you're early." 

"Well I figured you'd be up. Where's my girl?" She smiled brightly as Lily came running to greet her. "Hello, sweetheart," she said as she reached down to hug her granddaughter. Straightening, Maggie suddenly realized Dana was still in her nightshirt. "Dana why aren't you dressed? Aren't you going in to work today?" 

"No I think I'm going to take the day off." 

"Why what's wrong?" She reached out a hand and gently touched her forehead. "Are you feeling okay?" 

"I'm fine, Mom— really. I just didn't get to sleep until late last night; I'm tired." 

"Sleeped over here," Lily contributed. 

"Lily," Scully said quickly, "why don't you go get your new book— you can show it to us, okay?" 

She headed off for the bedroom. "Kittens, mittens," she said, indicating the subject matter of her book. 

Maggie turned back to her daughter. "Okay then, if you don't need me I'll go." 

“I’m sorry, I should have called—I overslept.” Scully lifted her eyebrows as a thought occurred to her. “Actually, maybe you could take Lily to the playground? I promised her and I'm not really feeling up to it. It would be nice to have a few hours to myself." 

Maggie eyed her uncertainly. "Are you sure you're all right? Your cheeks are all rosy, Dana; have you taken your temperature? Maybe you have a fever or—“ 

"I'm fine," Scully assured her. 

The two women stared at each other. Maggie was thrilled to spend the morning with her granddaughter, but she got the distinct impression her daughter was trying to get rid of her.

Scully started to sweat under the scope of her mother's dubious gaze. "Well I'll go get Lily dressed," she said, leaving Maggie to wait in the living room. She scooped up Lily in the hall as she was on her way back out with the book. "Judas," Scully joked, picking her up and holding her upside down. 

Lily laughed. 

"You want to go to the playground with Grandma?" 

Lily nodded from her upside-down position. 

Scully shifted her upright and set her back on the floor, casting a quick glance at the bathroom door—Mulder was still hiding out; she would try to be quick. She and Lily shared a smile before Scully turned toward the dresser and pulled out some clothes. Lily refused to wear dresses, her little jeans and a T-shirt being her favorite ensemble.  Scully conceded... she never liked dressing up either when she was a kid. And besides, she was planning on saving that particular battle for when Christmas came around and she wanted Lily to wear something nice. So she helped her slip on a dark green shirt and, after steadying her as she stepped into them, clipped her overalls fastened over it. 

They headed back out to the living area. "There's not much to eat in the house," Scully said as she helped Lily with her sneakers. “I was going to do some shopping this morning. Could you take her to get something to eat on the way?" 

“Of course!” 

Scully stood. “Great, thanks so much, Mom. I'll see you two later then." 

Lily headed towards the door. 

"Hey you," Scully crouched down and indicated her cheek, "kiss." 

Lily turned back around and went to Scully, her mouth pre- puckered in preparation for the kiss she was about to give. 

Scully smiled and kissed her good-bye. Once they'd left, she turned back around and hurried for the bedroom. 

Mulder was standing in the middle of the room, dressed but his shirt unbuttoned. "Coast clear?" 

She nodded at him. "I hope Lily doesn't say anything to my mom before I get a chance to." 

They stared at each other through the sunlit space, the ridiculous sound of cartoons from the other room punctuating their awkward moment.  

After a moment, Scully closed the door and walked slowly over to him. She stood on her tip-toes and kissed him lightly. 

Desire immediately encompassed him, and his arms came around her, pulling her tightly against him as the blood started to move more quickly through his veins. Every thought and feeling from the previous night washed through his memory and quickly drown him in the sensation. "Scully..." he whispered, backing her towards the bed. He fell with her on top of it and thought how naturally it came to be with her... 

When they’d had their fill of each other and lay tangled amidst the blankets and sheets, Mulder’s mind eventually turned toward practical matters. He sat up and once more reached for his trousers. 

"What are you doing?" 

"I'm going to get a paper." 

"A paper?... *Now*?" 

He turned slightly to look at her. “I’m thinking we need to start looking for a bigger place." 

******************************* 

Bigger turned out to be a comfortable two bedroom near DuPont Circle. It was the perfect size for the three of them, and because it was located on the first floor, they enjoyed the luxury of a small, private courtyard where Lily could play. 

 Mulder walked down the hall to the kitchen to see what the racket was. They'd been in their new apartment for almost a month, but they were still settling in, boxes in various stages of unpacking were littered through the apartment. So they'd planned to take the day and finish up. Mulder had been in the other room working on a box of miscellaneous items when he heard rustling in the kitchen. Scully had gone out to get pick up their lunch, so that meant his little mischief maker was probably getting into something again. 

He was right. When he got into the kitchen, Lily was standing beside a box. Ever the little explorer, she had decided to investigate one of the cartons to see what its contents were. She had opened it to find one of the favorite dolls she'd been looking for since the move, but one of the doll's legs was popped out. She displayed the amputee to Mulder. "Baby broken," she said miserably. 

That night during the Pfaster investigation when he held Scully after she broke down in his arms, Mulder thought he'd felt it; but as he looked at Lily now, he knew that for the first time he was truly experiencing what it felt like when your heart crumbled. He went to her and knelt down. “Hey—it's all right," he said gently, "You came to the right guy, know why?" 

She shook her head at him. 

"This just happens to be a specialty of mine; I had a little sister and I used to do this for her all the time. Here, lemme see..." he said, taking the doll from her. He glanced up at Lily; she was looking at him with complete confidence. 

Mulder swallowed. There was no way he was going to let that little girl down. But it was easier said than done, and the leg slipped around the open socket but refused to slide into it. Mulder applied more force— he was an FBI agent, in top physical condition, an Oxford educated psychologist and top criminal profiler—he would not be beaten by a plastic leg. The disembodied limb skimmed past the opening and the sharp plastic edge raked across the back of his hand. "Dammit!" he hissed, then looked self-consciously back up at Lily. “Sorry— hold on..." Mulder was learning that fatherhood did not come easily to him, that it was a challenge. And though he figured that it was something everyone had to work at, he couldn't help but think he was having a particularly hard time. He tried the leg once more. Finally, it snapped into place. He smiled and held the doll out to her. "See? What'd I tell you?" 

Lily took the toy from him and passed the back of her hand over her eyes. "Thank you Daddy," she said. 

Mulder smiled at her. 

She reached out and hugged him, and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world. 

***************************** 

Later that night, Lily lay in bed playing with Bear, her favorite stuffed toy—another one of the growing menagerie her father had bestowed on her. Only the soft glow from the fish tank they'd moved from Mulder's apartment illuminated the room. She held up Bear over her head as she rested back against the pillows. "Mommy brush Lily teeth. Mommy. You too, Bear." After bouncing him up and down on her stomach several times, she settled Bear beside her. "You sleepy. 'Night... sleep tight... no bugs bite..." She turned her head toward the fish tank that was now hers and watched it for a minute. "Fish swimmin’,” she told Bear. 

A sudden noise startled her—the baby monitor by her bed crackling and making a soft pop before the power indicator on its face dimmed and died.  Lily sat up in bed as familiar blue strobing lights began to pulse outside her bedroom window. She tilted her head to the side and watched as her window silently slid open and an unnatural breeze began to blow around her room. She clutched her teddy bear closer. The wind rose, blowing her hair wildly around her face as she hopped off the bed. She gave one quick, defiant "No!" before turning and scooting under her small bed until just her pajama-clad feet were sticking out— 

Scully sat up straight in bed, drenched in sweat, terrified from her vivid nightmare. The abruptness of her movements caused Mulder to wake up almost simultaneously; he reached out and grabbed her wrist as she started to bolt from the bed. "Scully wait, what’s—“ 

She yanked her wrist free and stumbled out of the room and into the hallway. Turning to look to the end of the hall where Lily's bedroom was, an overwhelming sense of vertigo came over her, and like some awful horror-movie trope, the hallway seemed to stretch to twice its length. "Lily," she whispered, and started for her door. Her legs felt like rubber, but she managed to gain momentum and run down to her room, throwing open the door. 

It looked like a hurricane had blown through the little girl's room and left a scattering of toys in its wake. Lily's bed was empty. She was gone. 

**************************** 

"How could they do this to me?" Scully's voice was tight with despair and outrage. "How could they? Why would they give her back to me just to take her away again? How could they be so cruel?" The tears were streaming down her face as she turned to look at Mulder, and she could see that he was no less effected. They sat on the couch, barely cognizant of the forensic unit that was further ransacking the child's room down the hallway. Scully leaned forward, her hands clasped in front of her, her eyes red with exhaustion and sadness. Mulder sat beside her, one arm draped across her shoulders. The other he placed comfortingly over her hands. 

She leaned into his chest, her face seeking the warmth of his neck. Scully knew there would be no clues left behind, no fingerprints, no footprints outside the window, no trace of Lily... and she was right. A solemn-faced detective approached them several hours later and informed them that they had found nothing, that she appeared to have vanished without a trace. It was as if she never existed. 

A week went by. 

They'd found out that virtually all of the children returned that night had disappeared again— all the same night from locations up and down the eastern seaboard. Bewildered local authorities were left with no clues to the missing children's whereabouts. 

Several more days passed and Scully was sure her heart was so broken it was beyond repair. She could barely stand the pain, the aching of her very being that she could only describe as making her feel as if she were missing a limb. She was sick at the thought of what might be happening to her baby. 

Nefarious scenarios consumed her every waking moment, and tonight was no different; as they sat in silence on the couch retracing the vague, less-than-encouraging leads they were working on, Scully felt it difficult to concentrate. She stared at the list of some of the girl's names and thought how cute it was that they'd named each other after flowers: Rose, Violet, Daisy... and of course, her Lily. 

Mulder studied her. After a second, he reached over and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. 

"I'm just..." Scully looked over at him and tried to offer an appreciative smile. "You know, thinking about her." 

He nodded in understanding. 

"I just keep wondering..." her voice grew thick, and Mulder could see the tears welling in her eyes as he studied her profile, "Is she scared?" 

“Scully—" 

"Is that why she hated going to sleep at night, because she somehow knew this was going to happen? And I wonder... did she get to know me enough to miss me?" Her voice broke at the last word and she brought a hand up to cover her face. 

"Scully... look at me." 

She complied, regarding him with huge, sad eyes. 

"We'll find her," he said reassuringly. Turning back to the coffee table in front of them, he held his hands up over the files and nodded. "We're going to find her," he said resolutely. "It's too soon to give up." 

She found little comfort in his words. 

Another week went by. 

Scully was struggling to keep her day to day routine, finding no motivation for even the most mundane of tasks. Food bored her, and sleep seemed to sneak up on her only when her body could no longer offer any resistance. She started shedding pounds as if they were petals from a dying flower and dark circles accentuated the sadness in her eyes. As she sat on the bed now looking over some photos, she might have been wearing someone else's clothes— they hung on her like rags on a scarecrow. 

Kneeling beside the bed, his hands folded in front of his face, Mulder watched her with concern. She scrutinized the surveillance photos in front of her, holding the pictures close to her face and turning them from side to side. Her eyes passed over every inch of the photograph. 

The Chinese food he'd made a special trip for in hopes of enticing her to eat remained untouched by her side. Her mother had been by almost every day to bring her a meal with the same expectation, but she would only pick at the food. "Scully will you *please* eat something." 

She didn't appear to have heard him. 

"We've been through those a hundred times." 

Silence. 

He lay a hand over hers as she continued to scan a photo. "Dana?" he tried softly. 

"Mulder take a look at this," she said, placing the photograph before him on the bed's surface. "Do you see something here?" She indicated a portion of the picture. 

He glanced at the photo, having seen the same pictures over and over. More than anything, he wanted to see something there, too... but there wasn't. He eyed her carefully, then attempted to lighten her up. "A tooth...?" 

"I think I'll set this one aside and bring it into Agent Pendrell tomorrow." 

"Tomorrow's Sunday, Scully." 

"I'm sure he'll be able to get me a clearer image." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and Mulder thought how it lacked the luster he had once loved so much; he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her wash it. 

Mulder pulled himself onto the bed. He sat behind her, curling his body around hers as she sat hunched over the photographs, and tucked his chin into her neck. He held her. 

She didn't seem to notice. 

******************************** 

That night Mulder had a horrible dream. He was awakened from sleep by a loud thud and got out of bed to go investigate. The sound had come from Lily's room. He crept down the hall and slowly opened the door to her room. He was immediately aware that someone was in Lily's bed, moving under the blankets. His heart leapt to his throat. Slowly, he approached the bed, then pulled back the covers. A young girl several years older than Lily stared back at him. She had pale blue eyes and long dark hair. 

Mulder turned back toward the open window. "No..." he breathed. His voice rose: "You brought back the wrong one... wait! You brought back the wrong one!" He started at the feel of an icy cold hand on his arm and his head snapped back to regard the creature who it belonged to. 

The girl was now sitting up. Her ghostly face was wan and expressionless. "Did they, Fox?" 

Mulder woke abruptly, breathing heavily and his heart racing in his chest. And he knew... he knew would give Samantha up if it meant getting Lily back. Because getting Samantha back would be everything he'd ever wanted; but having Lily returned would bring Scully back to him. 

********************************* 

Rain tapped lightly on the window and rolled lazily down the pane. Scully watched the drops descend. Next to her in the bed, Mulder shifted in his sleep. She was exhausted with the monotony of running the same questions through her head over and over. No answers would come. They'd used all the resources available to them to try and get something, anything that might give them a lead to Lily's whereabouts, with no luck. All they'd come up with was a few scant leads that she knew were destined for failure. She was as certain of that as she had been that night Lily was taken that the nightmare she had was no dream. Strange, she thought, her mother had told her she'd had a similar dream the night she herself had been taken away... Her eyes dropped to the floor, and the waves of despair washed over whatever hope she had remaining. 

A short time later, Scully slipped quietly from bed and went down to Lily's room. She opened the door and entered. The place was exactly how she'd left it that night; she hadn't been able to go in there since. Toys were still strewn from wall to wall, Lily's bed was still unmade. Scully picked up Bear from the floor just along side the bed. Her mouth curled into the slightest smile as she regarded him. Looking up once again at the window, Scully listened to the gentle hiss of rain. Then, like dim candlelight through a thick night fog, an idea came slowly to her; and she wondered why she hadn't thought of it before. 

********************************* 

Mulder had kept his apartment for appearance's sake; his inheritance from his father's estate had allowed them to do so. They were fairly sure their superiors had some idea about what was going on between them, and though the Bureau's current "don't ask, don't tell" policy afforded them some peace of mind, they didn't want to flaunt the fact. Mulder hadn't been there in weeks, so the place felt stale and musty. Scully entered and stared at the room for a long time. Was she doing the right thing? Shaking the doubts from her mind, she went to Mulder's desk and opened the top drawer. She pulled out the masking tape. 

******************************** 

Scully paced in the bowels of the parking garage. She couldn't even be sure this mysterious informant of Mulder's would show, but she had to try. He had turned down her plea for help before, but he'd also helped her once, and she had to take the chance that he would help her now. She turned toward the approaching sound of footsteps. 

The man slowed at the sight of her, and for a moment Scully thought he was going to turn and leave without saying a word. But he didn't; he approached her slowly. "Why is it that I feel like I was just set up on a blind date?" Mr. X said.

"I need your help... you've helped Mulder before; you've helped me—“ 

"I know what you want. Your partner already came to see me, and I told him what I'm going to tell you: I can't help you." 

“Can’t or won’t?“ 

"I'm not here to embark on your personal crusades, Agent Scully... yours or your partner’s." He turned and walked towards the darkness. 

"No wait... " 

He continued to move away from her. 

"Please!" 

Scully stared after him and watched as he slithered back into the shadows. The frustration coursed through her and brought tears of frustration to her eyes. He knew. Something. Maybe not exactly where Lily was, but he had information— she had seen it in his eyes. 

On the way back to Mulder's apartment Scully considered her encounter with their mysterious informant. She would try again, even if it meant risking her own life, because she had to know. Even if Lily were…dead… she needed to know. A sudden rush of images assailed her— lifeless trees against a gray sky, a biting wind carrying dry leaves through an old cemetery, a tiny white coffin being lowered into its earthly tomb... Scully closed her eyes and pushed down those thoughts as she passed through the apartment building's doors. No, she didn't really believe that. They'd kept Lily alive for this long, she was sure they had a vested interest in keeping her that way. 

Scully arrived at Mulder's door and entered the apartment. She went to the window and peeled the masking tape X off the window. 

"You don't look well, young lady." 

Scully whirled around, sliding her weapon from her holster and displaying it in the direction the voice had come from in one smooth movement. 

The Well-Manicured Man Scully remembered from Mulder's father's funeral was standing in the shadows. She kept her gun trained on him. "What are you doing here?" 

"I thought you might be interested in some information I have." 

"Information?" 

"Yes that's right. I heard about what happened to your little girl. Terrible tragedy." 

Scully lowered her gun, but only slightly. "Where is she?" 

"My you don't waste any time do you? I'm afraid I can't tell you where she is." 

"Why not?" 

"Because I don't know... at least not exactly." 

"Why? Why was she taken?" 

"My dear you're a scientist; surely you can appreciate the statistical significance of longitudinal data." 

Scully shook her head at him, her eyes blazing. She forced the words out through anger. "Lily is not data--" 

"I wasn't referring to your daughter." 

Scully's eyes widened at the implication: he was talking about her. But they'd been through this before— that rainy afternoon in Klemper's greenhouse. Somehow the ideas he proposed didn't seem as ridiculous as they had that day. Scully swallowed. "Are we talking about hybridization?" 

"No. Not in this case." 

"Then what? What can you tell me about the children's fathers?" 

"That is something I do not wish to reveal at this time. However, I do believe I might be of some assistance to you in this current matter." He held out a piece of paper to her. 

Scully carefully approached and took it from him. She glanced at it before looking back at him. "What is this?" 

"A name." 

"I can see that. I need a location." 

"I'm afraid I can't give you that. What I can give you is a name. You find this man, you'll find your little girl. He will lead you to her. But I must warn you: you put yourself at great risk in pursuing this. These are people that don’t like being exposed.” 

But there was no fear in her mind, only a renewed determination. Scully eyed him suspiciously. "Why are you helping me?" 

"Why indeed..." he stared at her for a moment, then turned and exited, leaving Scully staring after him in the dark apartment. She looked back down at the scrap of paper, and her heart was filled with a miraculous thing: hope. 

*************************** 

Mulder entered the apartment and shrugged off his coat. It was late the following day, and Scully hadn't come into work again. He'd been trying to hold things down on that end the best he could, but it wasn't easy and the late nights were exhausting him. "Scully?" he called out into the apartment. 

There was no response. 

He tried again. "Hey Scully you here?" He pulled his tie free and loosened his collar. Maybe she was sleeping; he hoped so, she hadn't been getting much of that recently. What was that beeping noise? Mulder scanned the apartment in search of its source; since he entered, there had been a soft beeping sound in the background. Then he realized what it was: the computer— he had an e-mail message waiting. He sat at the desk and opened the message. It was from Scully: 

Mulder—-I’ve found a lead and am pursing it, alone. I need to do this, no matter how long it takes. I know you won’t understand, or what I could possibly say to make you feel better about this—it would kill me if you thought that you were any less important to me than you are. But I have to do this, and I have to do it myself— you have your own battles to fight. I know how important Lily was to you, but the bottom line is really that this is mine to take care of; that this is *my* war to wage. I've spent far too long shying away from confronting what happened to me, from finding those responsible, and because of that I sacrificed almost three years of a life I could have known with my daughter. I can't lose any more time with her. 

I don't know what I might be up against, and I can't subject you to something that might endanger your life. I need to know you're here, and that you're safe. That will keep me going. I have to find her, whatever the cost... even if it costs me you. I know how angry you'll be with me about this, Mulder, but I hope you'll come to understand, and even to forgive me. I don't know anyone who has stronger beliefs than you do, Mulder. Despite everything, you always believed that someday you would find your sister. We *will* see each other again, soon. Please-- have faith in that, too. I love you. 

Long after the screen saver had kicked in, Mulder sat alone in the silent apartment staring at the monitor. 

************************** 

"Where is she?" 

Frohike stepped aside as Mulder breezed through the door and into the center of the room. He looked over at Byers and Langley. 

Mulder repeated his question, this time more forcefully. "Where is she?" 

Langley spoke up. "She's not here." 

"She was," Byers added. "But we couldn't help her." 

Mulder let out a long breath and sank into a nearby chair. 

Frohike walked over to him and rested a hand on his shoulder. "Sorry, dude." 

********************************** 

Mulder sat in his car beneath an underpass working on a bag of sunflower seeds. It was late and the road above him was deserted. He glanced at his watch: two-thirty a.m. He'd spent the last few weeks sticking his nose in places he knew were guaranteed to direct some attention his away. It had paid off: earlier that evening he'd received an anonymous message to be in this location at two-fifteen. He looked back at his watch: two thirty two. What the hell— 

Bright head lights surfaced over the knoll behind him. Mulder got out of the car and waited. 

The car rolled to a stop and the man he'd been hoping to see emerged from inside. He walked slowly toward Mulder until he was within a few feet from where he stood. 

"How did you find me?" the Well Manicured Man asked. 

Mulder flashed him a wry smile. "I knew if I did enough poking around in sensitive areas, eventually *you’d* find *me.*” He stepped closer. "Where is she?" 

"Would you be talking about your partner, or her little girl? Poor dear..." 

Mulder detected the slightest bit of flippancy in the man's tone. His jaw tightened. "You know I'm talking about Scully. What did you tell her?" 

"I'm afraid I don't know where she is; I gave her a lead to follow, but she was on her own from there." He raised his eyebrows as he spoke, his tone was high with aloofness. "No telling where she might be now." 

They stared at each other for several seconds before Mulder spoke. "You sent her on a wild goose chase," he stated flatly. 

"I gave her what she wanted: hope. Something to hold on to." 

Mulder studied the gravel at his feet and shook his head. He looked back up at the man with contempt. "Why? Why would you even bother?" 

"You see my colleagues take their work very seriously; they don't like people nosing around, getting too close. As much as one might... appreciate the work that you and your partner do, it might also be necessary to distract you from time to time." 

The thought of what he'd done to Scully, giving her false hope that would no doubt destroy her once she eventually hit that dead end... And most infuriating, he'd sent her away from him— for nothing. And now he might never find her. Mulder watched with frustration as the man retreated to his car and started the engine. 

Driving back to their apartment, Mulder's stomach burned with anxiety and dread. It took every thing in him, but he would not allow himself to feel defeated; he would keep looking for her, however long it took. He just hoped it would be before she hit that dead end. 

********************************* 

The weeks moved slowly on. 

Scully spent her every waking hour tracking the one likely lead she had; the one she'd received from the Well Manicured Man. Despite the fact that she'd yet to find anything substantial, she felt pretty good. The hope had nourished her, filled her veins with strength, fueled her appetite. She started to fill out in her clothes again. But as she passed through the motel's door and into the lobby now, she had to admit it sometimes wore on her, the endless searching that made the past couple of months feel like years. Now she knew how Mulder felt all those years tracking his sister. Mulder... she tried not to think about him too often—she needed to stay focus, on the trail she was following that she was sure would lead her to her little girl. But it was hard; she missed him terribly. It was a lonely life. Some nights she'd wake up and had to struggle to remember where she was, what town she was spending that particular night in. 

She arrived at her room and entered, the thought of a warm bath and a little Chinese takeout foremost in her mind. Closing the door behind her, she flipped on the lights and turned around. And stopped short. 

Mulder was sitting in the chair. 

Scully swallowed and stared at him in shock; she was completely taken aback by his appearance. His hair was hanging limp across his forehead, he was unshaven, and the stubble shadowed his jaw. He was wearing jeans, and his scuffed black leather jacket partially covered up a large tear in the dark blue mock turtleneck shirt underneath.  One hand he rubbed absent-mindedly over his mouth as he tapped his foot restlessly on the floor. She could see his jaw was clenched tight. 

Finally, he looked up at her, and the fury smoldered just beneath his eyes. After a moment he stood. 

"Mulder..." she didn't know what to say. 

"So tell me something Scully: were you ever going to come back? Or at the very least let me know you were alive?” 

"Mulder I'm sorry—“ 

"Answer me!" he yelled, picking up the remote off the table and flinging it across the room as he stood. 

Scully flinched as it splintered against the far wall. "Yes! Listen to me—“ 

"You expect me to believe that now? After all this time?" he yelled again. 

 "Would you please calm down?" 

"I'm not gonna calm down! How could you do this to me?!" 

“Mulder—" 

Scowling, he turned away from her. He had spent the last few months not only searching for her, but also searching for his own patience... but understanding why she went away didn't do anything to quell his hurt and anger. 

Scully watched him, not knowing what to do; it was so difficult to get through to him when he was like this. She slowly walked over to him and reached out to touch his arm. 

He pulled from her grasp and walked away, pacing restlessly in the center of the room. Finally, he came to rest, his back to her. He stared at the door, and Scully could see it was taking all of his self-control to keep from demolishing her motel room. 

"Mulder," Scully said, walking around him so that she was facing him, "Mulder..." But he wouldn't look at her. She swallowed and continued anyway. "I tried to tell you—“ 

"I know what you told me," he seethed bitterly, "I got your e-mail." 

She placed her hands on her hips, her own anger starting to swell. "Don't get sanctimonious with me, Mulder. When you ran off to Alaska--" 

 He finally met her eyes. "That was different, Scully." 

"How? How is that different?" 

"Look, back then… we weren’t…” his voice trailed off as he struggled for the words. “When we took that next step, it was a commitment— at least it was for me..." After a moment, he shook his head. "I thought we meant more, Scully." 

"I've *always* been committed to you Mulder. Even before we got... 'involved' in that way. That never changed for me. It didn't hurt any less because we weren't sleeping together." 

Taking hold of her jacket’s collar, he backed her to the door. "I don't understand what you're saying to me Scully— are you telling me this was some kind of act of revenge?" 

"NO," then the tears welled in her eyes.  “No... I didn't know what else to do, I just needed to find her. I have to find her..." she hung her head as the emotion overwhelmed her. 

His voice softened as he loosened his grip. "Scully, I can't..." closing his eyes, he rested his forehead against hers and inhaled deeply, "I can't spend my life looking for you; it's been so hard trying to find her, it's taken so much away from me. And now Lily... I can't lose you, too, Scully. I can't..." he shook his head against hers, "I can't understand..." His voice seemed small and far away as he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her close. The words were muffled at her neck: "How could you leave me alone?" 

And for the first time she realized the full impact her leaving had had on him: Mulder had spent his life essentially alone, had grown used to it... until he met her. When he'd tasted what it was like to really be one with someone, to have a true friend—-even before they’d taken things beyond friendship— she had effectively rendered him incapable of being alone again. "I'm sorry Mulder." She brought her arms up to embrace him. "I'm so sorry." 

“Please don’t leave me, Scully," he whispered, once again resting his forehead against hers. He could feel the heat from her flushed face through the emotion there, and she was aware of the same from his. “I don’t want to be alone.”

"You're not, you're not alone. I'm sorry..." 

"Don't leave me alone." 

"I won't; I promise." 

He kissed her cheek; it was sticky with tears. 

"I won't leave you." 

His lips brushed the corner of her mouth. 

"You're not alone," she whispered against his face. 

Their lips touched lightly through salty tears. 

Mulder let out a tremulous breath and pulled her closer as all those long nights he'd agonized through without her caught up to him. "Scully..." he whispered. 

"I missed you..." 

He brought his lips back to hers, kissing her forcefully, pushing her hard against the door. A tremendous conflict of emotion was warring inside him— a swift release of anger mixed with desire, relief, and perhaps most pervasive, intense love. His hands groped her roughly, ravenously, rediscovering all the places he'd longed to touch; they hadn't touched each other like this since the night Lily disappeared. His hold on her against that door was tenuous at best, so he turned with her and headed for the bed. 

They made their way to each other hastily, frenzied and desperate and quickly found their familiar rhythm amidst the blankets and pillows. And when they were in that place, everything felt like it was as it should be... 

Afterwards, they snuggled close in the bed, suspended between sleep and wake.  They regarded each other in the dark. 

"How did you find me?" Scully asked sleepily as she shifted to curl up on his chest. 

She could hear the smile in his voice. "I work for the FBI, Scully." 

Smiling into the dim moonlight, she snuggled closer. They were silent for several minutes. Scully rolled over and pulled a piece of paper off the night stand before turning on the light. She settled back against Mulder's shoulder and held up the paper. 

"What's that?" 

"I'm not sure. I've been tracking this man, this name—“ 

"I know—“ 

"And then this morning this message was left for me at the front desk. I did some checking; it's an abandoned underground facility just outside of town. Ex-military.“ 

"Scully, there's something you should know: that man, the one you went to see..." she shifted her head up to look at him, and as he stared into her eyes, the last thing in the world he wanted to do was be the one to tell her this. He swallowed, knowing he was just going to have to spit it out. "He sent you on a wild goose chase, Scully." 

Her brows drew together. "No... no that's not true, Mulder. I've been tracking this name. I’m making progress—“ 

He lay a hand on that beautiful face. "Scully," he said gently, “we’re being distracted. There's nothing to find." 

She continued to regard him doubtfully. 

"I'm sorry." 

Staring at the piece of paper in her hands, she remained silent. 

"Scully, come home with me, we'll start looking again—“ 

"No." 

"No?" 

She slid off the bed and started dressing. "No," she repeated, louder this time. "I'm going anyway, Mulder. I have to." Pulling her shoes on, she took a step for the door. 

Mulder reached up and took hold of her wrist. 

She turned to face him. 

"I'm coming with you." 

Their eyes held. Scully could see there would be no discussion on the matter. 

******************************* 

The place was worse than the silos they'd wandered through in North Dakota— pitch black and freezing cold. They'd spent over an hour exploring the facility, with no luck; the complex was completely deserted, with hardly a scrap of paper or stray thumb tack left behind. Eventually, they came across an area that had several locked doors on either side of a seemingly endless tunnel of hallways. Each door had a small glass window in the center, but it was nearly impossible to see through them. 

Scully lagged behind as Mulder disappeared around a corner ahead of her. She peered into the filthy glass, but all she could see was a warped portrait of her own reflection staring back at her. Suddenly, she jumped at the sound of a loud thump from further down the hall. She shined her flashlight in front of her. "Mulder?" she called. There was no response. 

She took off down the corridor. Thinking the worst, she rounded the corner to find Mulder lying on the floor, clutching his stomach and trying to catch his breath. Scully ran over and crouched down beside him. "Mulder are you okay? What happened?" 

The corner of his mouth gave the suggestion of a smile. "I got sucker punched," he breathed. 

She smiled lightly back at him and tenderly ran her fingers down his cheek. "My hero," she joked. Another loud noise further down the hall grabbed their attention. Scully got up and started to run towards it. 

"Scully— wait!" Mulder reached out but was unsuccessful in grabbing her ankle. In a matter of seconds she'd disappeared around the corner. The man who had come out of nowhere and hit him seemed right on cue; he had wanted them to follow him: they were being led somewhere. Groaning slightly, Mulder got to his feet and ran after her. 

When he finally came to the end of the hallway, he saw that the small corridor opened up into a vast chamber. It was so large that it was impossible to detect any walls or a ceiling. Scully was standing a few feet in front of him, shining her light around the room to try and detect its confines. "Scully..." he approached until he was standing behind her. 

"What do you think this is? I can't see—“ 

They both started as a bright light appeared directly in front of them. It was accompanied by a strange breeze and a barely perceptible metallic odor. The breeze began to blow with more force, wailing around them like chanting ghosts. 

Scully started to run toward the source of the light. Mulder took off after her, grabbing hold of her arms as she tried to lunge forward. "What are you doing, Mulder? It's her! I know it!" 

But all he could think was: they'd been set up. 

"Mulder!" 

"Scully don't go near it!" 

She turned sharply and pushed him away before heading back toward the light. Mulder charged for her, knocking them both to the ground. Scully's face came within inches of hitting the pavement as Mulder's weight came down on top of her. She could feel his breath at her ear. "What are you doing?!" she yelled over the noise. 

"I'm sorry, Scully!" 

She twisted and writhed underneath him. "Mulder get off of me!" 

Not relinquishing his hold in the least, he stood with her, bringing them both to their feet, but she was too damn wiry. 

"Damn it Mulder, let go of me!" She broke free and headed for the blinding light. 

A blast of hot air hit his face as the piercing whine of that deafening noise, like wind whipping through sheets on a clothesline, momentarily immobilized him. But a moment was all it took.  "SCULLY!" he screamed, and the words were instantly swallowed in the wind. 

He headed after her, but she had too much of a head start; she grew smaller and smaller, and it was growing more difficult to see her as the light she was heading toward blinded him. Then, an explosion of both light and air sent his arms up to protect his face. It only lasted a split second, and then everything abruptly ceased. He lowered his arms and took in his surrounds, as much as he could in the blackness. Everything was gone— the light, the wind, the noise. *She* was gone. 

"No!" he yelled into the dark. But no one was there to hear him. He stood in silence for the longest time, breathing heavily, forcing the damp, musty air in and out of his lungs. He looked back at his flashlight as it lay abandoned on the floor, sending out a single pathetic beam in that endless abyss. 

He closed his eyes and sank to the floor. 

Suddenly, another light appeared before him, and his heart skipped a beat. "Scully..." he whispered. The light was bright, it shone right at him, but it was different this time: quiet, and at a different angle. He stood and waited, the tension wound in him like a coiled snake. 

Slowly, a figure appeared in the center of the light, distinguishable only as a shadow against the back drop of illumination. As the figure neared, Mulder could see there were actually two: a man, and he was holding the hand of a small child. His heart beat faster and faster as they neared, stopping several yards in front of him. Mulder squinted at the figures, he could barely make it out... and then he saw it: a burning red-orange ember in front of the figure's face, a ghostly, twisting thread of smoke curling up and away a few seconds later. Mulder’s stomach rolled, his mind spun in confusion. 

The Cancer Man released her hand and the smaller figure approached. She neared, and Mulder realized with tremendous joy that it was Lily. She walked up to him, her face blank, barefoot and clad only in a white cotton night-dress. She seemed a little dazed and out of it, but Mulder could clearly see it in her eyes: recognition. Lily knew who he was. 

Mulder held her chin and gently turned her head from side to side, examining her eyes. There were small puncture-like wounds on either temple. He'd seen those marks before: on himself, after Scully had rescued him from Ellen's Airforce Base all those years ago. "Lily are you all right?" 

She nodded from her fog of disorientation, but seemed a million miles away. 

Mulder looked back toward the light to see that the Cancer Man was disappearing back into the shadows. He called to him: "Wait!" He tried again, louder. "WAIT! Where is she?" He looked in frustration and panic from the disappearing man to Lily and back again. He couldn't leave Lily standing there, and there was no chance he was going to bring her closer to that light again... and then his choice was made for him: the light began to dim as the man who for some incomprehensible reason had returned Lily to him disappeared entirely from his view, and the light faded away completely. Mulder looked back at the child and knelt down in front of her. "Lily where were you? Do you remember?" 

"Man." She was trembling. Mulder pulled off his jacket and wrapped it around her.

"Yes..." Mulder swallowed. "Did the man hurt you?" 

"No feel good, Daddy." 

"Where?  Where doesn't feel good?" 

She brought her hand to her forehead. 

Mulder put his hand over her small one. "Here? You have a headache?" 

Lily nodded. "Scared." 

He closed his eyes and pulled her securely into his arms, holding her tight. "I know... don't be scared, I'm here." He rested his chin on the crown of her head. "We'll be all right," he soothed. 

The air was unnaturally still, strangely quiet in the face of their shared sorrow. The darkness consumed them. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Offspring 3: Challenge 

That first week was a rocky one. 

Mulder lay in bed in the middle of the night, his thoughts with Scully. How could she do it? How could she leave him only hours after she had promised him she'd never go away again? He reprimanded himself inwardly: that wasn't fair... she had been a mother blinded by the desperation to get to her child; she had reacted purely out of instinct. And Scully would be returned— he had to believe that. She always came back; it was only a matter of time. He turned to look at Lily as she lay next to him. That first week, Lily crawled into bed with him every night, and Mulder let her stay, though whether it was for her comfort or his he didn't really know— the security system he'd had installed days after her return proved to be small comfort. 

Laying there now, he listened to the steady rhythm of her breathing. That was true comfort. He smiled at her sleeping face as she lay pressed against his arm, and as he closed his eyes, he hoped things would be all right for the two of them... 

But it was a challenge. They were both trying to cope with the loss of the most important person in their lives, and with settling into each other's routines. Mulder struggled with the transition from playmate to primary care giver, and— most importantly— disciplinarian. Lily didn't make it any easier for him.

The following morning Mulder was abruptly wakened by the roaring, deafeningly loud noise of music blasting through the apartment. He sat up straight in bed. "What the hell—?” He got out of bed and went into the living room. 

Lily was standing near the stereo, her hands covering her ears. 

Mulder stalked over to the equipment. "What are you doing?!" he yelled over the music. 

Lily kept her hands over her ears even after Mulder had pressed the button and the noise abruptly ended. "LOUD," she said. 

"You're tellin' me. What did I tell you about the stereo?" 

"Wait." 

"That's right, you wait for me and I'll turn it on for you. You can do the TV but the stereo is off limits." 

"Okay Daddy. I sorry." 

Mulder shook his head and tried to be understanding. Maybe she was just acting out the hurt she was feeling, or maybe she was just testing boundaries with him, but either way, his patience was nearing its limits. 

Later that night as he tried to give Lily her bath, the one activity in her routine he did know well, she once again would not cooperate. She stood naked by the side of the tub, her arms folded defiantly in front of her. 

"Come on, Lily, it's time for your bath. Give me a break here..." 

"No. No want bath." 

"You like having a bath. Look, here's your favorite boat." He motioned the thing in front of her. 

She wasn't buying it. 

"Lily..." 

She started shaking her head slowly from side to side. "No no no no no—“ 

"One way or another you're getting in this tub," he warned. 

"NO." 

"Lily..." He knew what was coming next; this past week, whenever she decided the world had done her wrong, there was only one person she wanted: 

"Want Mommy do it." 

Mulder stood and threw the boat into the water. "Well Mommy isn't here!" he snapped. Taking a deep breath, he stared at the floor, then knelt back down. He squirted some bubble bath into the tub, agitating the water with his hand to work up the suds. "It's just me..." he muttered at the foam. 

The child regarded him with a curious expression, not quite knowing what to make of his words or his actions. She didn't offer any further resistance as he picked her up and placed her into the tub. 

Lily sank into the water and watched him as he reached for the soap and worked it into a lather. She didn't have to be any older to be aware that he was feeling bad. She held up the boat to him and smiled. 

And he couldn't help it; her smile chased away his frustration and sadness, just as her mother's had so many times before. He grinned back at her. 

**************************** 

The weeks rolled steadily into a month. 

Mulder lay on the couch watching TV, his head resting against the sofa's arm, a pile of sunflower seed shells on the coffee table next to him. Lily was lying on top of him, her cheek pressed against his chest as they watched "Jeopardy!" Mulder caressed her back with his free hand. 

She seemed content, but Mulder always wondered: was she bored? He had to resist the urge to entertain her twenty four hours a day; he often felt as if he were remiss if he wasn’t keeping her busy. "Hey Lily, wanna shoot some hoops?" 

She slid off the sofa and got her soft Nerf basketball, which was nearly the size of her own head. "Hoops," she said as she brought the ball to him. 

Mulder took the ball from her. “You’ve got to pull it closer for me." 

Lily went to the other side of the room and dragged her little plastic basketball hoop out further into the room. 

"Okay here goes." Still laying on the couch, he took aim and lobbed the ball at the hoop. It bounced on the frame and fell to the floor. "Ouch! Denied..." 

"Dee- nied," she agreed. 

The suggestion of a smile surfaced on his lips. "You're supposed to say: 'you were robbed—I don't think that hoop is regulation'." 

Lily laughed at his nonsense and picked up the ball. She brought it back to him. 

"No it's your turn. Go ahead— take your shot." 

Lily walked over to the hoop, which was about as tall as she was. She held the ball over her head with both hands and dunked it into the basket. 

"Somehow I feel at a disadvantage..." 

************************* 

After a veritable slaughter by his pint-sized opponent, Mulder shuffled into the kitchen. He stood in front of the open refrigerator, a look of consternation paining his face. What the hell else did you feed a kid Lily's age? He was running out of ideas, and was sure she was going to start boycotting if he put peanut butter and jelly or grilled cheese in front of her one more time. 

Scully had jokingly told him once that not even FBI training could prepare you for parenthood. She wasn't kidding: this was more difficult than any X-file he'd ever worked on. He had a newfound understanding of how difficult those first weeks with Lily must have been for Scully. But he was determined; he could do this. He *had* to do this, for Lily. She needed him to be strong for her. What she would never know, what he would never admit even to himself, was that being a father to her was keeping him sane. 

"What you doing?" 

Mulder turned around and smiled at her as she entered the kitchen. "Making something to eat. You hungry?" 

"Yes." She climbed into a chair at the kitchen table and watched him as he transported an assortment of vegetables from the refrigerator to the counter. 

He pulled a potato out of a nearby bowl and examined it. "Well, we’ve got salad makings, and we can have mashed potatoes, right? Now we just need a main course." 

Lily continued to study him. 

“What do you think?" he asked, holding the potato down for her examination. 

Her brows drew together. "No eat 'tatoe, Daddy." 

Mulder smiled and knelt down with it. "What? It's just a spud—see? Short and squat... like you," he teased. 

Her tone suggested that was the silliest thing she'd ever heard. She rested her hands on her hips. "Noooo," she retorted, shaking her head with a smile. 

"I don't know," he said skeptically, then nodded at her, "I think it’s a fair resemblance." He held it up next to her face. "Definitely a spud." 

Her face turned serious, suddenly not quite sure if he were really just teasing her. She patted her chest and shook her head as she spoke. "Lily no spud, Daddy." 

For the first time in a long time, he laughed. 

******************* 

A few slices of pizza and a hefty delivery fee later, they sat on the couch watching TV. Mulder wasn't a half hour into the show he was watching when the phone rang out loudly. From her position snuggled against Mulder's chest, Lily stirred in her sleep. He carefully withdrew his arm from around her and reached for the receiver. "Hello?" 

"Fox?" 

He sat forward on the couch. "Mrs. Scully? What is it did you hear something is Dana okay?" 

"No no," she said quickly, "it's not about Dana. I need to talk to you." 

"About what?" 

"Not now; I thought maybe I could come by in the morning." 

Mulder wondered what was going on. He'd seen Mrs. Scully a few times since her daughter's disappearance, usually when she stopped by to see Lily, so this covert behavior struck him as odd. Scully hadn't seen much of her mother that month before she disappeared; she was busy with Lily, the new apartment, and with him. So she hadn't had the chance to tell her mother about the new status of their relationship. Mrs. Scully knew Mulder was spending a lot of time with Lily, so it didn't strike her as odd that he would sometimes answer Scully’s house phone or be there when she showed up. And he couldn't think of any reason she'd want to speak with him like this. "Sure, what time?... All right, I'll see you then." He replaced the receiver. 

Mulder pulled Lily closer, cradling her back against his chest and brought his attention back to the program he was watching. He fought sleep, but by the time Dave was instructing Paul for a little Viewer Mail music, he was ready for bed. He looked down at Lily. This had become their routine: late nights, Mulder watching TV while Lily slept beside him. He looked down at her and ran a finger along her cheek, where sleep had bloomed a wild rose. He gathered her into his arms and stood with her. 

Waking slightly, she turned her head to rest her cheek against his shoulder. Her voice was heavy with sleep. "No bedtime yet, Daddy." 

Mulder kissed her temple through fine red hair. "How about we listen before I tuck you in?" he whispered at her ear. 

Lily nodded against his shoulder and Mulder carried her to the stereo. Balancing her weight in one arm, Mulder started the music. The song Lily loved to hear to help her sleep started quietly; it was from one of Scully's CDs, and had since become her favorite song; and it was his favorite song too... because it was their favorite song. He paced in the room with her as the light, soothing melody helped lull his little girl to sleep... 

It felt like springtime on this February morning

in a courtyard birds were singing your praise

I'm still recalling things you said to make me feel all right

I carried them with me today

Now as I lay me down to sleep

this I pray: that you will hold me dear

though I'm far away, I'll whisper your name into the sky

and I will wake up happy

When the rhythm of her breathing had become even against his neck, Mulder brought her into her bedroom. She watched him through half-closed eyes as he tucked the covers up around her chin. "Night," she said sleepily. 

"Night, Spud," he leaned in to kiss her forehead. He turned off the lamp by her bed and the photo-sensitive night-light clicked on. From the other room, the last echoes of the song drifted in and haunted him with their distant promises: 

when the sun comes out again

when the sun comes out again

when the sun comes out again...

************************* 

"Hello Fox. Where's Lily?" 

He indicated the hallway leading to her bedroom. "Still sleeping." 

"At this time of day?" 

Mulder rubbed the back of neck and offered a sheepish grin. "I'm still working on a nap routine." Her face remained serious, and Mulder's smile faded. This wasn’t at all like her. Resting a hand on her back, he motioned to a near by chair. "What's this about, Mrs. Scully?" 

"Fox, there's no easy way to say this," she said, depositing her weight heavily in the chair. 

Her grave tone sent his stomach twisting into knots. He sat across from her with his hands clasped in front of him, leaning forward in anticipation and expecting the worst.  But what she said was completely unexpected. 

Her face took on a determined expression. ”So I’ll just say it. I think..." she averted his gaze for a moment, then looked directly into his eyes. "I think Lily should come live with me.” She searched his face for understanding. 

But Mulder was shaking his head before she even finished the sentence. 

Maggie laid a hand on his arm. "I know how much Lily means to you, Fox. But you're really in no position to raise a small child on your own—“ 

"It's only temporary." 

She tilted her head to the side in silent query. 

"Dana's coming back Mrs. Scully, you have to believe that." 

“Well— I certainly hope that’s true, and no one wants that more than I do. But we don't know when, or for how long she'll be gone... please, don't fight me on this, Fox. I'm very fond of you, you know that. But I don't think you understand the long-term responsibility of raising a child; things are still new now—“ 

"She belongs with me." Avoiding her gaze, he pointed a finger at the floor as he spoke, as if to punctuate the sentiment behind his words. "Dana would want her here." 

"You and Dana were partners—friends— but I know she wouldn't expect this of you, Fox. It's not your place, you can't feel responsible. Your friendship—“ 

"It wasn't just friendship anymore, Mrs. Scully.” He searched her face, gauging her reaction. 

Maggie's eyes widened at the implication. She had always suspected there was something more between them, but never believed they would actually cross that line—especially not now, when Dana was trying to adjust to her new role as mother. And it made things much clearer to her. "Oh Fox, don't you see? You're hanging on to Lily because she's the only part of Dana you have left." 

Mulder studied the floor as he shook his head. "No, I made a promise to Lily as well as Dana." 

“I appreciate your intentions, I really do.” She placed a comforting hand on his arm once again, as if to soften the blow.  “But she’s not your daughter,” she said softly.

Mulder raised his eyes to meet hers. "She is in every way that counts." 

Maggie stood from the chair, exasperated. “I don’t doubt your feelings for Lily, Fox. And I hope you’ll take some time to think about this.” It was her turn to study the floor, unable to meet his eyes. “The last thing I want to do is involve lawyers or…" her voice trailed off, unable to finish, but the implication hung in the air between them. 

Mulder’s eyes burned with hurt and checked anger. He thought the world of Mrs. Scully, but she had no right to do this. "You do what you have to, Mrs. Scully. But I hope *you’ll* think about what Dana would have wanted for Lily, too.” Because, he thought, I *will* fight for her. 

Their eyes held for several seconds, locked in mutual respect and caring, and with the frustration of this conflict. 

"Well," she said at last, laying a hand on his arm a final time, "I'll be in touch then, Fox." She turned and left. 

"At least she didn't say 'I'll see you in court'," Mulder muttered dryly out loud. 

************************** 

Mulder watched Lily as she played contentedly on the floor with her blocks. And he remembered a night that seemed so long ago when he stared into a starry night and silently pleaded with the sky to bring his friend back to him. The thought that Lily might spend the rest of her life doing the same tormented him. He shouldn't have let Scully go. He should've stopped her no matter what— even if she wound up hating him. At least she would be here now for her daughter, if not for him. 

Lily looked up from her tower and saw that he was watching her. She wrinkled up her nose and flashed him a cheesy grin. 

Mulder grinned back at her and pulled himself off the couch. “Hey Spud," he said, sitting on the floor beside her, "can I talk to you for a minute?" 

She put her block down and nodded at him. 

"Do you like it here?" 

She nodded again. "Home." 

"I mean, you wouldn't want to go anywhere else would you?" 

Tilting her head to the slightest bit, she regarded him with uncertainty. 

Mulder passed a hand over his mouth. “Lily—" 

"You help me please?" she asked, holding a block up to him. 

"Sure," he said, taking the block from her and resting it on the structure she'd built. "Do you think you'd like to go stay with Grandma?" 

Her eyes brightened with excitement. 

"No, I mean, would you want to live there? Would you want that to be your home?" 

Shaking her head, her brows drew together. "No, Daddy." 

"No?" 

"Stay here." 

He nodded, barely containing his relief. "Okay." 

"No want go." 

“Okay— it's all right." He ran a hand over her hair and offered a small smile. "You won't have to." 

********************** 

It was dark. Why were his dreams always so dark? The cold embraced him, left him feeling alone and scared. Scanning the unfamiliar surroundings, he peered out into the blackness. Then, far off in the distance like a shining star, a light appeared. It started to grow brighter, warmer, diminishing the chill around him. And then he could see a small figure coming towards him, running at him with outstretched arms. It was Lily, and he could see that her face was filled with radiance. Then, the strangest thing happened: Lily started to change, to grow taller, older. Her hair began spooling out behind her like ribbons of copper until it was streaming down her back. By the time she was in his arms she was a beautiful young woman. An overwhelming sense of pride, of peace, settled over him. And he knew in that instant: regardless of blood or legalities, she was his. Nothing could ever change that. 

************************ 

Mulder examined Lily's reflection in the mirror in front of them. She looked adorable. Mulder had picked out the dress himself, with Lily's help of course: a simple dark blue cotton one with a delicate lace collar. For himself he'd chosen the best suit he owned and his favorite tie... such as it was. They were both decked out for court, and together they were a striking portrait. 

Keeping her balanced on the stool with one hand, Mulder reached for a brush and carefully ran it through her hair, then attempted to fasten a clip in it. The little bow-shaped barrette slipped easily through her fine hair. He tried again, and again... "I thought these were for kids," he complained impatiently. 

"No for kids, Daddy." 

"Now you tell me." 

Lily pulled on the collar of her dress. 

"Lily stop that you're going to tear it." 

"Hurts." 

"There's no way that's hurting you," he said, running his finger inside the collar to see for himself. 

"No want wear it. No like it." 

"You liked it when we picked it out." 

Their eyes locked. Mulder was a nervous wreck, and though she didn't really understand what was happening, Lily was also feeling the tension, and they were both getting on each other's nerves. 

Mulder let out a long breath and tried to remember that he was the adult. "All right..." he reached over and grabbed a pair of child scissors off the bureau. Carefully tracing the collar of the dress, he cut out the lace. When he was done, he smoothed down the front with his palm. "Better?" 

Lily nodded. "Better," she agreed. 

"Okay come here," he said, lifting her up off the stool and sitting her on the bed. He knelt in front of her and slipped on her shoes. Lily played with his tie as he did, running the silky fabric through her hands again and again. When Mulder had fastened the buckles of her black patent-leather shoes, he looked up at her and offered a reassuring smile. 

"All set?" 

She smiled back at him. 

************************************* 

Mulder was glad it was a closed hearing. He was no stranger to courtroom testimony, but he appreciated the unintimidating surroundings of the judges chamber's today. He had decided not to retain the services of an attorney, and after her initial consultation, neither had Mrs. Scully. It was just going to be the two of them, each trying to convince the judge why Lily would be better off with them. It was a situation neither of them wanted to be in. 

After some preliminary information was given, the judge queried the woman sitting across from him. "Mrs. Scully, what is your concern about Mr. Mulder retaining custody of your grandchild?" 

She cast an uneasy glance in Mulder's direction; it pained her to say it, but she had Lily’s best interest at heart, and her concerns were genuine. "Well," she started reluctantly, "I worry about... his stability..." 

Mulder shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Images flashed quickly in his mind, images of losing it in a DC hospital at his partner's bedside while her mother watched; of pushing into Mrs. Scully's home to get to his delusional partner. He could only imagine what else Scully had shared with her mother about him during the course of their partnership. He looked over at her. 

Margaret's heart sank at the betrayal she saw in his eyes. She loved him like a son, and she did not want to hurt him. "What I mean to say is, I worry about his ability to provide a stable environment for Lily. I know Fox explained he's taken an extended leave of absence from work, but eventually he's going to have to return—“ 

Mulder directed his comments to the judge. "I've already arranged for an at-home caregiver when I do go back to work." 

"Your Honor, it doesn't make any sense for Lily to be in any kind of day care or stay with a stranger. I'm home all day.” 

"She'd be in day care if she were still with her mother." 

The judge interrupted by holding up a hand. He then motioned to his assistant and informed him he wanted to speak to the minor child in question. 

Maggie sat forward in her chair. "Judge she's too young—“ 

“She may be too young to know what’s best for her, Mrs. Scully, but she’s not too young to know what she wants. And I'd like to hear it." 

Maggie opened her mouth to protest again but the judge quelled further comments with a warning look.

The three of them watched as the assistant led Lily in. When he released her hand, she went directly to Mulder and climbed into his lap. 

The judge smiled at her as she settled into Mulder's lap and turned around to face him. "Hello there. What's your name?" 

"Lily." 

"Isn't that pretty," he said softly. "Lily, I'm going to ask you some questions, is that okay?" 

She nodded at him. "Oh-kay." 

He motioned to Maggie. "Who's this over here?" 

Lily pointed at her and smiled. "Grandma." 

"Oh I see... You like to visit Grandma?" 

"Yes." 

"Do you think you'd like to go stay with her for a while? Visit for a long time maybe?" 

"No. Stay here." 

"Stay where sweetheart?" 

"Stay home Daddy." 

Maggie's heart sank. She could see by the look in the judge's eyes that this was not going well; it was very clear to her, and she was sure it must have been to the judge as well, that the two people sitting in that chair were father and daughter. 

Mulder attempted to keep Lily back as she reached for the judge's pen holder. 

"Well thank you very much, Lily, for coming in and answering my questions." The judge motioned to the assistant to bring the child back out. Lily clung to Mulder as the young man approached, turning her face away from the younger man’s extended hand. 

Mulder caressed her back. "It's all right, you go ahead. I'll be right out." 

Lily acquiesced, and when they had left, Mulder and Mrs. Scully were left to sit in agonizing silence as the judge looked over the written statements each of them had prepared. After a few minutes, he looked back at them. Mulder expected a soliloquy on the responsibilities of raising a child, a review of both he and Mrs. Scully's positive and negative points; the first half of which would express why there was no reason at all he couldn't keep Lily, but which at the last second would reveal that Lily would nevertheless be placed with her grandmother. Isn't that how it always was on TV? 

But he was wrong; the judge was succinct: "Mrs. Scully there is no evidence to indicate to me that Mr. Mulder is incapable of temporarily fostering this child. She's already lost her mother, and I think separating her from the man she regards as her father would only further traumatize her. She stays with Mr. Mulder, that is my decision. Let the record show the court awards temporary custody of the minor child Lily Scully to one Fox William Mulder. To review in six months." 

Mulder didn't actually believe it until the words sunk in. When it hit him, he remembered to exhale... and he smiled. 

********************** 

Mrs. Scully approached them as they were coming out of the bathroom; Mulder had changed them both back into comfortable clothes and carefully tucked their dress clothes into his knapsack. He hoisted the pack over his shoulder as Lily wandered a little ways down the hallway. He looked back at Mrs. Scully. 

"Fox, I hope you understand, I'm just concerned about Lily. I think the world of you—“ 

Holding up his hand to silence her, Mulder offered a small smile. "No hard feelings, Mrs. Scully." 

She smiled warmly at him in appreciation. "Lily's a very lucky little girl." 

Mulder looked down the hallway at Lily, who was playing with the water fountain. "You got that wrong." Lily ran back down the corridor to him and Mulder reached down to pick her up. “I’m the lucky one.”

Maggie smiled and started to turn away. 

"Mrs. Scully—“ 

She turned to face him. 

"We were actually hoping you'd join us for dinner tonight. I think Lily would really like that... and so would I." 

“Fox—" 

Mulder smiled and lay a hand lightly on her shoulder. Holding Lily in one arm, he led the older woman down the hallway. "We're not taking no for an answer. How about seven?" 

She returned his smile and nodded. "All right then." 

**************************** 

Mulder was happier than he had been in a long time; happy enough to make the usually detested task of grocery shopping almost enjoyable in the wake of his good mood. It wasn't exactly the way he wanted to celebrate his victory in court; but he needed to get something for their special dinner guest tonight. He stopped in front of the toothpaste shelves, remembering that Lily's had mysteriously disappeared and he needed to get some more. For the life of him, he couldn't remember the kind Scully used to buy for her; it was some kid's brand. He had made the mistake of letting her use a small amount of his, but the stuff was really way too strong and he was afraid of turning the kid off from ever brushing her teeth again. 

He perused the shelves. Nothing looked familiar. And there were about a hundred different kinds for children. He looked back at Lily as she sat in the carriage. "You remember what kind it was?" 

She shook her head at him. 

He pulled one of the tubes off the shelf. "GREAT BUBBLE GUM TASTE YOUR KIDS WILL LOVE!" the box assured him in big bold obnoxious pink letters. Mulder twisted the cap off and forced a small amount out onto his finger. He held it out to Lily. 

She stuck out her tongue and Mulder smeared the blob on it. 

"Good?" 

She nodded at him. "Bubble gum good." 

He smiled. "All right... " Mulder pulled a handful of tubes off the shelf to prepare a few more samples for Lily. 

A heavy set black woman wearing the store's trademark red smock approached. She had kind eyes set behind pointy bifocals, but her lips were pursed in disapproval. "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to stop that." 

"I'm sorry..." he leaned forward and read her name tag, "... Estelle. We're just having a little trouble deciding here..." 

She clutched her hands in front of her substantial bosom and cocked her head to the side. "The trial sizes are in aisle 10." 

Mulder nodded as she shuffled off, leaving them in her reproachful gaze as she went. He started to turn back to Lily when something at the end of the aisle caught his attention—a nondescript middle aged white man; distinguishable only by his odd behavior; he was standing against the shelf watching them, though he'd quickly averted his gaze when Mulder caught his eye. He was now pretending to scrutinize the hand lotions. Had Mulder seen him outside the courthouse earlier? Or was his paranoia getting the best of him? 

Tossing the one he’d opened into the basket, he quickly placed the other tubes of toothpaste back on the shelf, took hold of the carriage, and headed toward the cashier. 

On the way home, he couldn't shake that nagging feeling that they were being watched. When Lily asked to stop at a playground they were passing, Mulder agreed, figuring it might be a good opportunity to see if they really were being followed. He opened the gate to the small grassy area and Lily ran to join the melee of other kids on the playground, still clutching the balloon he'd purchased for her at the checkout. Mulder sat on a bench, placing the bag of groceries beside him, and surveyed the playground, up and down the sidewalk—it didn't look like anyone suspicious was around, but he couldn't be sure... 

He looked back at Lily just in time to find an older boy was trying to get her balloon from her. Stubborn as she was, Lily refused to relinquish it. Overwhelmed with protectiveness, Mulder got off the bench and headed for them, but he was too late. Deciding if he couldn't have it, neither should she, the older kid pushed her down. Lily watched helplessly as the thing floated into the air. Furious, she got up and ran at the much larger boy full force. A small scuffled ensued as Mulder reached them. He yanked the boy up and off of Lily by the scruff of his collar, trying to keep in mind the boy was just a kid too. "What, picking on someone your own size is too easy for you?" Mulder shoved him away and the kid took off. 

Lily's cheeks were flushed with anger as Mulder crouched down beside her. He brushed the dirt off her jeans. 

"Boy bad. Mean," she complained. "Balloon go up. Up 'kye." 

"It's all right," he soothed, "don't worry we'll get you another one next time, okay?" He took her hand in his, and after retrieving their bag of groceries, brought her home. He didn't give another thought to the man who'd been watching them in the store. 

****************************** 

One evening not long after, they sat across from each other at the kitchen table, playing cards. Of course, they weren't really playing anything; Lily just liked to pretend and Mulder was trying to mix up their nightly routine. He watched her study her cards intently, marveling once again at how much she looked like Scully. 

Scully... Mulder hadn't heard Lily talk about her in weeks. Was she getting used to her not being around? Or worse: forgetting her? Mulder swallowed. "So tell me, Spud," he said, picking at a sunflower seed, "what's your last name, do you know?" 

She lowered her cards slightly and looked at him attentively. 

"Can you tell me your last name?" 

“Lily,” she said, patting her chest. 

"No your last name." 

She stared blankly at him. 

"Scully." 

She continued to stare at him. 

"Can you say that?" 

Smiling, she shook her head. 

"Yes you can... come on, say it: Scully." 

She rested her cards on the table and sat up, kneeling in her chair, then leaned toward him. "Shcully," she tried. 

Mulder grinned back at her and leaned forward on the table. "You know, you kind of shounded like Sean Connery when you shaid that..." he mimicked. 

Lily laughed; she had no idea who Sean Connery was, but his altered voice amused her. "You stop that please. Settle down." 

"Scully," he prompted again. 

"Scully," she said, perfectly this time. 

"There you go." Mulder got up to help her off the chair. "Come on, let's get you to bed." 

As she trotted off for the bathroom to brush her teeth, Mulder thought about Lily's memories of Scully. He'd never considered the fact that she might forget her, and the idea made him sick; he couldn't let that happen. Walking over to the hall closet, he pulled out the box of pictures and other belongings of Dana's that Mrs. Scully had given him for Lily. It had been in the closet all week; each day Mulder thought that maybe if he waited another day it would be easier to go through. It wasn't. And putting it out seemed to him an admission that Scully wasn’t coming back.

But now, he brought the box back out and placed it on the kitchen table. Slowly, he started pulling items out of the carton and inspecting them. There were old dolls of Scully's, some pictures and drawings she'd made as a kid, a book and some toys. But the worst were the pictures. Half a dozen framed photos of Scully: baby pictures, her first day of school, her graduation, more recent ones... Mulder swallowed the lump in his throat and took one of the pictures and the book into the living area with him. He set the picture on the coffee table, just the right height that Lily would see it every time she walked by. He headed down the hall to the bathroom to check on Lily. 

She wasn't there. Abandoned on the sink with remnants of GREAT BUBBLE GUM TASTE YOUR KIDS WILL LOVE! caking on the bristles, her toothbrush indicated she had been there only minutes ago. "Spud?" He tried her bedroom, but she wasn't there either. Pushing down the panic that was threatening to surge through him, he went quickly to his bedroom. There he found her sitting at Scully's vanity, looking through some of her jewelry; it was strewn all over the bureau's surface along with some of Scully’s other belongings. 

Lily turned to look at him as he stood in the doorway. "Mess," she said. 

Mulder sighed in relief and went over to her. "Yeah you're pretty good at making those." He knelt beside her. Scully wasn't much for jewelry, so her collection consisted mostly of some earrings and a few necklaces. Mulder picked up a charm and held it in his hand. A flash of memory came to him, of standing in a police station and fondling the very same piece of jewelry as it hung on his partner's neck...{In our investigations, you may not always agree with me, but at least you respect the journey. And if you want to continue working with them, I won't hold it against you...} 

"What this for?" 

Mulder jumped at the sound of Lily's voice, feeling like he'd just been pulled through a time warp, and looked at the object she was extending to him: it was a long make-up brush. 

"This?" Mulder took it from her. "You go like this..." he gently ran the brush over her cheeks, eliciting a wide smile from the little girl. 

"I do it," she said, taking the brush from him. "Close eyes, Daddy." 

Mulder complied and let her run the brush over his face. When she was done, he looked at himself in the mirror. There hadn't been anything on the brush, but he pointed to his nose and said: "Think you missed a spot." She passed the brush once more over his face, and once more he looked in the mirror. "Definitely an improvement. Thanks, Spud." He displayed the book to her. "Hey, you want to read a story?" 

She smiled at him in delight. 

Mulder sat on the floor and leaned against the bed. "Come here then," he said patting the space beside him. Curling an arm around Lily as she snuggled up beside him, he opened the tattered book. “Do you want to hear a story about Captain Ahab?" 

**************************** 

Mulder slept soundly that night. It didn't happen often, but every now and then his body needed a full rejuvenation and he fell into such a deep state of sleep that wake was nearly impossible. His dream was a pleasant one. He was watching himself stand in a bright, sunny kitchen, busying himself with some unknown task on one of the counters. A young girl was rummaging around in the cabinets. It was Lily; a much older Lily. A black baseball cap that she was wearing backward covered her shoulder-length red hair. Rings on every finger and clothes he'd let her buy against his better judgment marked her adolescence. They were happy. 

Her voice seemed to come from far away, distorted by his dream: "You up for another game of cards tonight, Dad?" 

"Sure... if you want to lose again." 

She continued to stuff various lunch items into her knapsack. "Lose? Me?” She shrugged. “I guess that’s bound to happen one of these days." 

“Keep it up, kid," he teased, "but when we play tonight— no mercy." 

Lily smiled and went up to him as he continued to work at the counter. She hugged him from behind, an embrace that carried the love for all the soccer games he sat through in the pouring rain, for all the mother-daughter functions he'd filled in for over the years; for teaching her how to dance (again) before her impending prom; for holding her after her heart had been broken for the first time. For every single comforting word he'd ever uttered to her. 

Mulder's heart was filled with love as he turned around to return her hug, but also sadness for the person who had missed out on all those things she should have been a part of. Suddenly, they looked up— an alarm was going off around them, a shrill, annoying tone that broke the peace of his dream... it was his alarm clock, signaling the sun was rising and he needed to get up and start his day. 

Mulder stretched against the sheets and opened his eyes. It was still pitch black outside. His alarm wasn't ringing... it was his phone. 

*************************** 

"Wake up, Spud." Mulder rested a hand on her chest and gently shook her. 

Lily rubbed her eyes and looked at him sleepily in the dim light. He had thrown on jeans and a jacket over his tee-shirt. Her expression was grumpy as she watched him. 

Mulder smiled at her. "The sun's shining." 

An unusually precocious and intuitive child, the little girl’s eyes searched his, and Mulder could see the wheels turning in her head. Then, she smiled back at him. 

***************************** 

Room 23. That's what Mrs. Scully had said on the phone: DC General, room 23. Mulder tightened his hold on Lily and picked up his pace down the hall as they headed toward the room. 

A nurse turned to look at the scruffy, unshaven man and the haphazardly dressed little girl with untied sneakers as they moved down the corridor. Mulder was holding Lily in his arms, but as he moved from a quick pace to a walk-run, Lily started to slip, and by the time they reached the teens he was carrying her at his hip like a football. She bobbed up and down with each stride he took. Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen; the rooms were rushing by him like some sort of bizarre reverse countdown, each passing room leading him closer and closer... 20, 21, 22... finally: 23. 

Mulder held his breath and pushed open the door. 

Scully turned her head toward the door as it was flung open, then sat up in bed at smiled at them. It was the first genuine smile he'd seen her give since Lily had been taken, and his heart skipped a beat at the site of it. 

Scully's faced filled with joy at the sight of Lily, alive and well and safe with Mulder. Her mother told her that Lily had been returned just after she was taken, and that the little girl was safe and healthy, but actually laying eyes on her daughter sent a rush of relief through her. She extended her arms out to them and Mulder brought Lily over to the bed. Scully's eyes brimmed with unshed tears; she held Lily tight. "My baby. Thank God you're all right," she whispered, "I was so worried about you." 

When Scully had released her, Mulder sat next to Scully, pulling her into his arms. He held her so tightly that Scully was sure he was going to squeeze the breath right out of her. Her smile widened. They clung to each other in silence, the love between them more powerful than words could ever be. Finally, he said simply: "I knew you'd come back." 

************************************** 

Scully was released from the hospital with no apparent injuries, her only condition being an acute case of fatigue and recent memory loss. Not that she or Mulder were surprised by that. 

Scully looked around the apartment as they entered and she could immediately see that Lily's toy supply had literally doubled since she'd been gone. Lily ran past her and into the room, picking up a boat off the living room floor. She held it out to Scully. "Got boat, see?" She pointed toward the TV. "Got 'tendo." Scully raised an eyebrow and shot Mulder a look. "I see someone's been spoiling you..." 

Mulder returned a guilty grin. 

************************** 

Though neither of them would've thought it possible, getting Lily to bed that night was more difficult than it ever had been before. They let her stay up later than she was used to, but when her eyelids grew heavy and she started to rub her eyes Mulder went to tuck her in. He came back out into the living room and smiled at Scully as she sat on the couch. They eyed each other awkwardly; it was the first time they had been alone since Scully returned. Scully offered a small smile. "So..." 

Mulder stuffed his hands in his pockets as he stood in the center of the room. "So..." 

After a moment, she patted the seat beside her on the couch. "Come here." 

Mulder sat down and looked over at her. 

"Thank you," she said softly, "for taking care of Lily. For everything. My mom told me what happened. It must have been hard for both of you." 

He nodded at his lap. 

"So what have you been up to these last few months?" 

He made a disgusted noise and smiled at her. "You mean besides learning that I'm a horrible father?" 

The corner of her mouth turned up the slightest bit. She shook her head at him. "I don't believe that for a second." 

"Well maybe not horrible..." he half-joked. 

She continued to stare at him. 

After a long moment, he said lowly: "Missing you." 

***************************** 

They spent almost an hour talking and catching up. Mulder filled Scully in on how Lily had been doing and gave her more details about the whole ordeal with her mother. They stared at each other awkwardly when it seemed there was nothing else to talk about but the one thing they'd been avoiding all night: their relationship. 

As if on cue, Lily shuffled into the room from the hallway, groggy and scared from the nightmare fresh in her mind. Scully sat forward on the couch expectantly, longing to comfort her, to be the mother she'd been deprived of being for too long. But Lily went to Mulder and reached her arms out to him. Her wide-eyed gaze regarded him with the utmost faith and trust, filled with love and adoration, and Scully could see quite clearly that he was her world, that he was the one person in her life she looked to to make everything all better. She tried to push down a surge of jealousy. 

Mulder brought Lily into his arms and stood. "Sometimes I walk with her when she can't sleep," he said to Scully over her shoulder. 

Mustering a smile the best she could, Scully nodded in response. She watched him pace with her, and she was sad. She wanted to be the one her little girl came to. She hoped that someday, she would be again. 

After a few moments, Mulder stopped walking. "Okay time to tuck you in," he whispered to a drowsy Lily. 

Scully stood and walked over to him, resting her hand on Lily's back. "I'll do it." 

Lily turned away and shook her head grumpily against Mulder's chest. 

Scully swallowed and tried to fight back the tears that suddenly threatened to downpour. She felt as if she'd just been kicked in the gut. 

Mulder smiled apologetically at her and shrugged. He nudged the little girl; his tone was admonishing: "Lily..." 

"No that's okay, you do it,” Scully conceded, feeling deflated. 

"You sure?" 

She avoided his eyes and nodded. 

Mulder watched her for a moment, then turned and brought Lily back to bed. Scully was glad to have him leave the room; she pulled herself together. This was to be expected; the two of them had been through a lot together, bonded, and they all had a lot of adjusting to do. Things would be better, in time. 

Mulder emerged from the dark hallway and sat back beside her on the couch. They were quiet for a while. 

"You two are so close," Scully commented at last. 

He studied his hands as he spoke. "She slept with me every night for over a month after you were taken. But I didn't mind, I think we both needed it." 

Scully watched him thoughtfully. There was something not quite right; she felt a great distance between them—both of them; but she supposed that was to be expected, too. They shared another long moment of silence. When he finally did look up at her again, Scully could feel the heat in his eyes and the air suddenly seemed twice as dense as it had been a second ago. She swallowed. 

Mulder was also aware of the distance between them, which was fathomless in comparison to the actual physical space between their bodies. His throat was felt thick and dry. The silence was making his ears ring. He stretched his arm across the back of the couch, wanting to close that distance. Carefully, he touched her face. It was smooth and soft as he remembered it, only paler, and the fatigue gave her eyes a washed-out appearance. 

Scully felt a tremble move through her the second his skin made contact with hers. She'd missed him so much, and despite the deep exhaustion she felt, her body began to ache with desire. 

His hand dropped to her neck, his fingers lightly touched the highly sensitive skin there and initiated a biological chain- reaction that left her body in a state of dizzying arousal. 

His stare was intense. “You’re exhausted,” he whispered. 

Forcing the saliva down her throat, she managed: "Not too bad..." 

Mulder slid closer, and the simple movement seemed to her unnaturally loud; the rush of a thousand whispers floating towards her. She caught her breath. He slowly descended on her, the shadow of his body falling over her and drowning her in his scent. When his face neared hers, she reached up to hold it, reveling in the pleasure his breath caused as it fell across her lips. They kissed at last. 

When he pushed her back on the couch, Mulder could tell that she had lost weight again; she felt small and frail beneath him. He broke from the kiss and gently stroked her hair. "We don't have to..." 

Scully made an exasperated noise and smiled, bringing a hand up over her face. "I'm so tired..." 

"It's okay," Mulder said gently, caressing her face. "Really. I just want to lie with you." 

"No you don't." Her smile widened. "And neither do I. But... " 

Mulder rested a finger across her lips. "Just stay here with me. I want to be close to you." 

And so they were, nested on the couch drifting in and out of sleep late into the night, until Mulder led them drowsily back to their bed.

**************************** 

In the early hours of the following morning, laying on her side in bed, Scully stared at the window.  She was remembering the last time she had been in that same spot watching the rain drops slide down the pane, and how she'd wished that things could be the way they were now. Now everything was as it should be, but something still didn't feel right. Things were different between she and Mulder, and she sensed he was aware of it too. Sometime in the night their bodies found each other, needing to be together, yet… she still felt a distance from him. Scully knew that if she tried talking to him, he would only deny that anything was wrong. Maybe she should just give him some time; eventually he would talk to her about it. He couldn't hold her at arms length forever...could he? 

Her thoughts were interrupted as Lily came into the room and walked to her side of the bed. Scully propped herself up on her elbow and smiled. "Hi," she whispered. 

Lily watched her with a troubled expression, and Scully wondered what was going on inside that little head of hers. 

She watched Scully for a long moment before speaking. "Where go, Mommy?" 

The simple question that she could not answer filled Scully with emotion. She took a deep breath. "I don't know, Lily." She shook her head at the little girl. "I'm sorry, I just don't know." Scully fought the urge to promise her that she'd never go away again, because as much as she wanted to, she knew it would be a lie; she would never be able to guarantee that. 

Lily stared at her. 

"Come here—will you come in here with me?" Scully asked, holding up the covers. Lily nodded and climbed in. She snuggled near to her and Scully held her close. Maybe this was it, she thought: the first step in healing— for all of them. She felt Mulder’s arm come over them and smiled as she drifted off to sleep, content in the warm and fuzzy haze of dawn.

The sun never shone so brightly as it did that day. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Offspring 4: Flying

3/98

Please, no hate mail 'til you've read the whole thing! Xmas Carol/Emily sort of put the kibosh on this story, but I got some requests to continue it anyway, and since I have about 30+ pages already done, I decided to do so. 

*************************** 

Bright rays of gold warmed the summer sky. Creeping vines snaked up the cracked stone walls of a courtyard. The smell of flowers filled the air. 

The little girl reached up to the cloudless sky, where a single swallow flew, circling overhead with a watchful eye. A bright smile was reflected in her bright blue eyes. "...Mommy..." she whispered. 

Movement from the corner of her eye caught the child's attention and she turned to face the man as he approached. Her Daddy walked towards her, and as he did birds that were settled in the grass were sent into flight. The sound of wings beating against air was amplified, as was all around her— the colors, the smells, everything but movement. The motion of the breeze across the grass, the birds as they took flight, were all slowed and distorted, like a Van Gogh come to life, out of sync with the sounds they made. 

Her brow creased in concern and confusion as he bent down as if to take her into his arms, but then was suddenly moving back... being pulled up and away from her. He changed before her eyes, the form of his trench coat taking the shape of a pair of great big wings, and then his whole being  morphing into a huge black raptor, drawing up into the sky and into the fair-weather clouds. She could hear the sound of a heartbeat. Higher, he was moving further away from her, until a feeling of such despair sent a steady flow of tears down her cheeks... 

Lily tossed and turned in the emotion of her dream. With a start, she woke and crawled out of her bed, then headed down the hallway. 

Still half asleep, Mulder pulled back the covers to admit his tiny visitor. As she snuggled close, he passed a hand over her sweat- dampened cheeks and back through her hair. She'd had another nightmare. Since Scully had returned, they were becoming more frequent. 

Safe at last in her father's arms, Lily started to drift back to sleep. "No flyin', Daddy," she mumbled. 

Mulder smiled before settling back on his pillow. "No flyin', Spud," he assured her. 

***************************** 

Groggy and rumpled, Mulder opened his eyes once again to find Lily watching him, her eyes wide and trusting. Mulder smiled at her, the tiny head next to his on the pillow. "What are you lookin' at?" 

A small smile exposed a row of perfect baby teeth, and a tiny gap in the center that was adorable to him. "Daddy." 

Mulder grinned back at her, happily riding that swell of love he felt every time she uttered that word. There was a time when he thought he wasn't destined for fatherhood. Now, he didn't have to be. 

Lily pointed upwards, indicating over his shoulder where Scully was lying next to him. "Sleeping," she said. 

"Yes she is." 

"You get me toast, okay Daddy?" 

“I've got a better idea..." 

******************************** 

Doughnuts were a special treat. As far as Lily was concerned, even better than 'Loops. They started their walk back to the apartment, Mulder taking Lily's free hand while the other clutched the remnants of a powdered donut. As they walked in the cool morning air, the sun warming their faces, Mulder's thoughts were with Scully. 

He had a hard time putting the emotions he was experiencing into words. Alone? Maybe. Unhappy? Probably. Estranged? Definitely. But the most frustrating part was, he didn't really know why. He frowned at the sidewalk beneath him; self-analysis had never been one of his strong points. He glanced down at Lily, at the confectioner's sugar that was powdered from cheek to cheek, and he couldn't help but smile in spite of how lousy he felt. Lily made him feel centered, focused... like Scully used to. And right now, he just wanted to enjoy it. 

"Ar-tur." 

Mulder looked back down at her. "What's that?" 

Lily stopped in front of a store window and pointed at the display of children's books. "Ar-tur." 

Crouching down, Mulder peered through the window. "Oh right— Arthur." Arthur was a character in one of Lily's favorite books. "You want to go in and take a look?"   Mulder pulled out a napkin and wiped her down as best he could so that she wouldn’t powder everything inside the shop.

The interior of the bookstore was warm and quiet and smelled like lilacs. A fat cat dozed on the sill. The woman behind the counter watched as the little girl ran to get the book she'd seen and brought it to the tall man. 

Mulder took the book from her and flipped through the pages. 

"Artur goin' to 'cool," she informed him. 

"Yeah I see, that's a nice school." As Lily ran back to the shelves to examine the other "Arthur" books, Mulder went up to the cash register. He put the book on the counter and pulled some bills from his wallet. Smiling thinly as he recalled teasing Scully about spoiling her, Mulder knew he was no less immune from Lily's charm. He handed the book to her as she came up along side him. 

"Name?" 

Mulder looked up at the woman behind the counter with a curious expression. "What? 

"We're giving out these free book plates with the purchase of children's books." 

"Oh, right. It's Lily." 

"You don't look like a Lily," the woman said with a demure smile. 

Mulder blinked at her, caught off guard by her flirtatious behavior. When he recovered, he smiled back and looked down Lily, who had returned to the counter and was examining a poster taped to the front of the checkout booth.  She was pointing at different parts of the page. "Books. Kids." 

"Is that one 'L' or two?" 

"One." 

"Middle name?" 

Mulder stared back at the clerk as she caught him off guard for the second time. "She um... she doesn't have one." 

The woman's brows drew together as she watched him. 

He shrugged at her. 

"Last name?" 

"Scully." Mulder spelled it for the woman as he stuffed his wallet back in his jacket. When she was finished he took the bookplate from her and bent down next to Lily. He helped her fasten the plate on the inside cover. 

"She's cute, is she your little girl?" 

The question surprised him. Most people just assumed they were father and daughter; but he knew if you looked carefully, there wasn't a shred of resemblance between them. "No. Yes. I mean... yes..." 

"I understand," the woman said, waving a hand in the air. "Step families." He saw her eyes drift to his left ring finger. It was time to leave. 

Mulder was in a miserable mood on the way home. That woman had inadvertently made him feel like the most insignificant person in Lily's life. What was he to her, really? He wasn't her biological father. And legally he wasn't her father— he wasn't her guardian any more. He wasn't even her stepfather. A dark thought came to him, even though he knew better: at best, he was the guy sleeping with her mother. 

************************************** 

"Hi." Scully was awake and emerging from the bathroom as they entered the apartment. "Where'd you guys go?" 

"We got breakfast," Mulder responded, displaying the box of doughnuts. 

Lily approached her mother, new book outstretched. "Ar-tur," she said. 

"Arthur!" Scully sat on the couch and watched as Lily showed her the book, opening on a page that showed a group of the characters at a birthday celebration. "Ooo, a party Lily." 

"Yeah party." 

Scully smiled and motioned for Lily to join her on the sofa. "You want me to read it?" 

But Lily took her book and went to Mulder, extending it up to him. She watched him with that wide, adoring stare Scully was learning to feel like a knife through her heart. "You read it please," she said innocently, having no idea the pain she was causing the person on the couch. 

Mulder took the book from her as he eyed Scully. 

Scully didn't make eye contact, but indicated for him to go ahead. 

"Maybe your Mom wants to read it to you..." 

Scully looked at him. She knew he was trying to be kind, but for some reason that only made her feel worse. "No it's all right, you go ahead; I’m going to get dressed.” She got up and went down the hall.  

Mulder looked back down at Lily, who was still eyeing him expectantly. "Okay, sure." 

Finding refuge in the bathroom, Scully closed the door behind her and reached for the tap. As she did, she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. Staring at it for the longest time, Scully could feel her anger rising, the hatred snuffing out whatever remaining happiness she felt at being returned. Who were these people that could play with their lives so cavalierly?  With no concern for the pain they caused?  More than anything she was trying to keep faith, to be hopeful that the damage that had been done to her relationship with Lily— and Mulder, was not beyond repair. Whatever it was that was missing from their relationship, she was desperate to find it. 

************************************** 

The weeks that followed were not good ones. In addition to the estrangement she was facing with Lily, Scully could feel Mulder continually pushing her away, and she hadn't felt so rebuffed by him since that first year of their partnership. When she had initially been returned and started to feel that resistance from him, she had considered that perhaps he'd put up a wall to keep from hurting during her absence, and that the wall would eventually disappear. But now, she felt it was less a wall and more like a river, rising at the banks and washing them further away from each other. And she felt helpless to stop it. 

"Hi." 

Scully looked up from the floor as Mulder entered the apartment. "Hi." She stood up from the crayons and coloring books spread out on the floor. "How was your day?" 

"Where's Lily?" He asked, shrugging off his coat as he approached.  He hadn’t registered the question.

"She went to get some blank paper." 

Mulder gave her a perfunctory kiss and loosened his tie. "Skinner wants to know if you've decided on a date of return yet." 

Scully shrugged. It had only been a few weeks, but she was feeling fine. Physically, she was more than ready to go back to work. But she was having a hard time leaving Lily; they had so much lost time to make up for. Besides, with the way things were going with Mulder, she knew she wouldn't be able to give herself one hundred percent at work.  Going into this with him, Scully told herself that trouble in their personal life would not effect their professional relationship… but she knew now the reality would be much different.

Lily raced into the room with her blank paper, the stub of a crayon poking out from her fist. 

Mulder sat on the couch and reached for her as she rushed at him. He smiled and hugged her tight. "Hey, Spud," he said warmly. 

She turned and picked up a piece of paper from the floor. "This for you," she said, displaying her picture. 

His smile widened at the sight of three stick figures in the middle of the page. Mulder took the drawing from her. The simplicity of her world was trademark of her work: the green grass beneath their feet, the blue sky above, but no color in the space between. The stick figures were suspended in the blank area between the sky and earth. 

Lily handed her crayon to Scully with a blank sheet of paper. "You make kitty okay, Mommy?" 

Mulder watched Scully as she complied with Lily's request; regarding the stranger on the floor with a tremendous sadness in his heart. What was happening? A small adjustment period after being gone so long, that he could understand; but this was taking far too long. The way they interacted now was a pale reflection of the caring friendship they had once had. 

"Scully come here." 

As Lily started on another drawing, Scully moved to join Mulder on the sofa. She snuggled into his chest as he drew her close. But they couldn't have been farther apart. 

******************************** 

Mulder started spending a lot of time away from the apartment. He was running away—that he knew— but from who or what he just didn’t know. What he did know that it was just too painful to be around Scully.  At least when he wasn't with her he could pretend everything was okay. Over and over in his mind he deliberated about what was going on between them. Why was he pushing her away? Mulder picked up the glass in front of him and swallowed another mouthful of smooth liquid, the sting of alcohol making its way down his throat. He had told Scully he was going to stay late and do some work—and he had. But even being in the office made him think of her... of the cases they'd worked on together, of the time before Lily. And as he sat there in the hotel bar thinking about that time, he realized there was no place that was sanctuary from thinking about her. He extended his empty glass to the bartender. "You got anymore of this?" 

Mulder tapped the surface of the bar impatiently as he watched his glass being refilled, unaware of the woman sliding onto the stool next to him. He was surprised to see her when he turned back around. 

The brunette smiled at him. "Hi." 

"Hi," he responded casually. She was pretty, long brown hair and all legs... but he just wasn't interested. 

"You're Fox Mulder, aren't you?" 

Mulder turned to face her, startled. 

She shrugged in explanation. "I'm Ellen Creed. I work in accounting... I've seen you around." 

Relaxing, Mulder turned back to his drink. 

"I was just, I'm staying here while my apartment's being fumigated. I saw you come in. I thought you might like some company." 

Mulder regarded her passively. "Yeah, sure, why not." The woman's face brightened as he motioned to the bartender. "Whatever she wants and another one of these for me," he said, pushing his glass towards him. 

Mindless small talk. It felt good, not thinking how everything felt so miserably wrong, about analyzing to death his feelings and motivations. No more head shrinking. Not tonight. One after the other the drinks were sliding down with the lazy conversation. Before too long, he was starting to feel way past light- headed and decided to call it a night. He pulled out his wallet, and was surprised when the woman reached over to lay a hand over his. "I don't want you to have to pay for mine." 

"No it's okay." Her hand was lingering, and Mulder avoided eye contact. "My treat, really. I gotta go." 

This time she was more forward with her advances. "You want to come up to my room and have one more?" 

It took a minute for her invitation to make its way through the haze of his buzz. The realization was a surprise. But just where had he thought this was leading? He had spent the entire night pretending he hadn't seen this coming. But there was no way anything was going to happen, however messed up things were between he and Scully.

"What's wrong?" Her eyes searched his face. "It's not your partner is it? I heard it was strictly business between you two." 

Mulder almost laughed in her face. He wished he had, maybe it would've turned her off, and it certainly would've felt good; but all he could do was stare at her. 

She let the hand concealed between her body and the bar drift slightly up his thigh. "Sure I can't tempt you? I have a mean mini-bar..." 

The sirens that had started going off in his head were dulled and eventually drowned out in the alcohol, but the buzzing in his ears and the tingling sensation seeping through his body had nothing to do with the drinks he'd had. 

Sliding unsteadily off the barstool, the woman took hold of his arm and suppressed a laugh. "All right, so maybe I don't need another drink..." She casually lay her hand over his arm, her green eyes holding his. "You could come up anyway... I've been wanting to meet you for a long time..." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Offspring 5: Words

4/98

Scully glanced at the clock as she finished making a snack. Mulder was late again. It was becoming somewhat of a routine— him calling to say he was going to be late and dragging himself in several hours later, his features etched in exhaustion and defeat and, occasionally, carrying the faintest hint of alcohol on his breath. It was uncharacteristic behavior for him— he didn't usually drink, Scully knew that; but she also knew he was trying to outrun whatever demon was bearing down on him by drowning... Scully forced herself to push those thoughts away. Right now, she had to focus on Lily. Lily had to be her priority; she was doing everything she could to repair the damage her absence had done.

Scully came out of the kitchen as Mulder was entering. He didn't look at her, only made his way slowly to the couch and sank into it. She watched as he leaned forward and buried his face in his palms. "Hello to you too," she said, starting back for the kitchen.

"Scully..."

She stopped and turned to speak to his back. It was late and she wasn’t in any mood to hear another one of his lame apologies. “Look Mulder it’s late, why don’t you sleep it off."

Mulder was miserable, devastated by what he'd almost done; he might as well have gone through with it because he couldn't possibly imagine feeling any worse. He was sinking, and wanted to reach out to her for help, but found he was having trouble finding the strength to make it to the surface. "Scully..." 

Something in his voice kept her from turning back around. She stared at his slumped figure, waiting for him to say more, but he didn't. They remained in thick silence; then, a noise so sorrowful it could only indicate tears escaped him. Scully's expression turned from impatience to concern. She went to him. "Mulder what is it?" she said, kneeling in front of him.

He didn't answer her.

"Mulder you're scaring me." She could see him shaking, but he could not or would not speak to her.

"Did something happen at work?" Her eyes widened as she considered what might have happened. "Did you—“

He shook his head, knowing where she was going. No, this had nothing to do with work or with Samantha. If only it did.

Scully's eyes passed over him. A sense of foreboding fell over her; whatever it was he had to tell her, it was bad— so bad that he couldn't bring himself to speak the words. She tried to help by walking him through it. "You were at work?"

His response indicated he was so she continued. 

"Okay, so then you went and had a few drinks..."

Again, he nodded in response.

"Then you came here..."

This time, he didn't answer.

"No? Then what—where’d you go after that?" In his silence she tried to figure out what else it could have been. Maybe, she thought, one of the shadowy informants that haunted their lives had contacted him; it would make sense that if he'd gone somewhere after that, it was with someone's prompting... "Did someone approach you?" She saw a reaction from him— something barely perceptible, but evident nonetheless. "Yes? Is that it? What did they say?"

He shook his head, unable to speak.

Scully watched him, confused. "Okay. You were approached by someone, but not anyone who had anything significant to tell you..." She squeezed his hand. "I don't understand, Mulder. You have to tell me what's wrong. It's all right; just tell me."

The silence was excruciating. As they sat through it, a thought was forming in the back of her mind, a small black seed blossoming into consciousness. 

He could see her thoughts racing, where her mind was going. The disbelief and shock and her expression as realization donned in her eyes. But he couldn’t say anything.

It was a horrible thought and Scully didn't want to face it, but she heard herself asking the question anyway, as if the words were coming out of someone else's mouth. "Mulder did you meet someone there?"

No nod, no movement at all from him; he appeared to be frozen in place.

She withdrew her hand and stared at his profile. ”What did you do, Mulder?" Her heart was falling, falling to the pit of her stomach and breaking into a million pieces. “I don’t understand. What are you telling me? Did you…?” she couldn’t bring herself to finish the question, so it hung expectantly in the air between them.

This time, he closed his eyes. It was all she needed to know. 

Speechless, Scully watched him as he sat unmoving on the couch, unable to look at her. A minute or so passed as she crouched on the floor in front of him. At last, she stood and turned to walk away.

Mulder reached for her hand. “Scully, wait— it’s not what you’re thinking. At least not exactly, it didn’t get that far—”

“How far did it get,” she began to ask, then abruptly stopped. “Wait, no—I don’t want to know. I think you need to leave."

"Listen to me—“

She snatched her hand away. "You need to leave, Mulder," she repeated. "Right now."

"I want to talk to you, Scully. Something’s wrong; I know you’ve felt it. We need to ta—”

"No, *you* need to leave." She placed a hand on her forehead and rubbed it back and forth. "I have nothing to say." 

“Scully…”

She would not look at him. "Please, Mulder you need to get out of here. I don't want Lily to hear this."

Lifting his weight slowly from the couch, Mulder stood and approached her.

It would've been unbearable to look at him, so Scully kept her eyes focused on the floor as he neared. She flinched involuntarily as his hand came to rest on her shoulder.

He withdrew it, staring at her profile for the longest time. As if the action could convey the depth of emotion he was feeling, he rested a hand on the back of her neck and leaned into her, pressing his forehead against her temple.

"Don't..." The word was tight and choked.

“Scully—"

"DON'T," she said, her tone cautioning. Her eyes glistened as she turned to look at him at last. "You break my heart, Mulder," she whispered sadly. "You always have." The words were spoken from her heart, void of bitterness and anger. It was a simple truth.

Once again he withdrew his hand.

Scully stared at him. Why was he just standing there? Why wouldn't he go? Part of her felt like having it out with him, lancing the ugly thing that had come between them once and for all, but a hollow sensation, a numbness prevented her from doing so. She just wanted to be alone. "Please go." 

But he seemed frozen in place.

Realizing he wasn't going to leave unless she physically moved him, Scully gave up and left herself.

He watched as she turned and walked away, disappearing down the hallway.

Scully slipped into Lily’s room and closed the door, making a conscious effort to shut down her emotions— for her daughter. She went to the bed and sat near where she was sleeping. Somehow, looking at her little girl always made her feel better, even now. When she looked at Lily, it put everything in perspective. And though her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she reached for her, Scully smiled wanly and touched her cheek.

Lily opened her eyes sleepily for just a second, then rolled over onto her side. Scully stroked her hair. 

"Bear wearin' purple," Lily mumbled sleepily.

Scully's smile widened for a second, then her expression sobered as her thoughts returned to Mulder. She turned to look out into the hallway. She couldn't deal with this— not now. She hoped when she went back out into the living room that he'd be gone.

He was.

******************************

Outside her apartment door, Mulder reclined against the wall and closed his eyes. What had he done? It didn’t matter that he hadn't slept with that woman. The fact that he’d considered it for even a fleeting second was a clear indication that something was terribly wrong between them.

And in that instant when he saw it, confusion and misery as realization dawned in her eyes, in that instant it came to him clearly: that Scully was the one he wanted. The only one. And yet he'd almost destroyed what they had... it didn't make any sense. Mulder ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

He passed through the building’s doors and started to pace on the sidewalk. The only thing he did know was that the thought of not seeing her again made his heart grow cold. They needed to fix this. 

So now what? A day? Two days? A week? How much time did you give someone? It had only been an hour and already Mulder was going crazy with the need to see her. The worst part was knowing that the sight of him would probably only make her feel worse. For some reason he still hadn’t figured out, he had wanted to push her away, and now he may have very well done just that— for good. His heart sank. He was the biggest fool on the planet.

*****************************

Scully peered out through the window at the street below. Mulder was still out there, pacing. And her hollowness remained. She wanted to be angry, to hate him, to be devastated by what he had done to them— but she couldn't. Why? She looked over her shoulder at the little girl in bed behind her. Maybe Lily was why. Maybe in some strange way Lily was shielding her heartbreak and sorrow, or maybe she was so focused on repairing her relationship with Lily that she couldn't fully allow herself to feel the pain she might otherwise have endured so deeply. Or maybe she simply was still in shock. Maybe.

******************************

One day was difficult. Two was impossible. By the middle of the second day, Mulder had to see her. He didn't know what he was going to tell her, he just knew they needed to talk— not talking about this was not going to heal it. And more than anything, he wanted it healed. It was time for them to talk, and if he had to break down the door to get her to speak to him, so be it.

But the courage drained from him as he stood just outside her apartment door. Yes, they needed to talk, but he was really in no position to demand anything from her, especially not an attempt at reconciliation. Mulder literally shrugged the doubts off of himself and knocked on the door. Wondering what kind of reaction he should expect, Mulder rocked back and forth on his heels. Anger? He could face her fury. Hurt? He would do whatever it took to heal it. But he was faced with the one thing he couldn't deal with: her apathy. 

She opened the door enough for him to see her face. Her expression was indiscernible, and he dared to think that maybe she was ready to talk. "Hi," he said uncertainly. "You're not answering your phone..."

Without responding, she turned and walked back into the apartment, leaving the door open for him to enter. He closed it behind him and approached her. So far, so good. At least she'd let him in. He talked to her profile. "Scully I... how are you?" Before he even saw her eyes close in response he regretted the question. What kind of stupid thing was that to say? "I mean— I've been worried about you. I want to talk about this, Scully, I want to get past this..." Not getting a response, Mulder walked around in front of her and gently tilted her face up to his.

She pulled from him and stepped away. "Don't do that..."

As he stared at her it occurred to him that it was unusually quiet in the apartment. "Where's Lily?"

"My mother's." She opened her mouth as if to speak, and for a moment Mulder thought she was going to talk to him. But then it seemed to pass. She shook her head at the floor.

"What?"

"Nothing. There’s nothing to say.”

"Talk to me," he pleaded.

Silence.

"I want to talk about this," he tried again.

“I said there's nothing to talk about Mulder."

"How can you say that, Scully? Of course there's something to talk about." His voice had started to take on a slightly hysterical tone. Her continued refusal to talk to him was making him scared and angry. She couldn't shut him out, it was the one thing he couldn't handle. He had relied on that lifeline to her feelings to reassure him of his own. Reading him the riot act— he deserved that; but her silence was torture. "What happened with that woman…”

She continued to stare off into the distance.

"What I'm saying is... I'm just trying to figure out why this happened. I don't know what was going on, Scully, but I think you’ve been feeling it, too. Scully?"

Scully knew—he wasn’t wrong about that. But did it matter now? ”What do you want me to say, Mulder? Am I supposed to make you feel better? Is that what this is about?"

“No—"

"Because if that's what you want, fine: you're forgiven." Her voice was flat, defeated.

“Scully—"

“You’re right; I know things haven't been right between us since I came back, I’ve felt that too. Maybe you ended it when I couldn't."

"You don't believe that," he said; but her words hit home.

Her voice was tight. "Don't presume to tell me what I do or do not believe." 

Mulder swallowed and wondered when he became reigning champion of The Wrong Thing To Say. "Come on, Scully. Don't shut down on me now. Please— talk to me. We owe that to each other.” 

The hurt and anger made her feel like she didn’t owe him anything, not after this. She stared off into the distance as the resolve washed over her.

Mulder straightened and altered his course of action. "I want to see Lily."

Her eyes flashed a vibrant blue as she turned to look at him at last. "Don't you dare do that— don't you use Lily—“

He had mentioned Lily out of desperation, that was true. But of course it was more than that. He loved that little girl. "Do you really think I would do that, Scully?" 

"I don't know what you would do anymore, Mulder."

"Look, what I'm saying is that regardless of what happens between us, I made a promise to Lily..."

The hurt made her want to throw the fact that he had no biological ties to Lily in his face, but she bit back the words. This was Mulder, her best friend, the one who would and had put his life on the line for hers many times. It only made the suffering she was feeling now worse.

"We need to talk about this for her sake. You know how I feel about her, Scully." He paused and took a step closer. "How I feel about you..."

She turned to him suddenly, the venom rushing at him in a flood of rage. "How you feel about me? Is that some kind of joke?" She shook her head, incredulous. "Did I ask too much from you Mulder? Was it more than you were willing to give? Were able to give? Was having an instant family more than you could handle?"

Mulder shook his head, caught off guard by her sudden tirade and the direction it was taking. “No!"

"Because I told you from the beginning I didn't expect anything from you. I told you I could handle this myself, that I was willing to do this on my own."

"I know—“

"You made your own decisions; I didn't ask you to be a father to her—“

"I KNOW. Listen, please. I'm sorry—“

"Do you think that matters to me, Mulder?"

He stared at her. There was nothing he could say, because she was right. It didn't matter what he said or did. What he'd almost done; it didn't matter, because either way he'd not only let Lily down, he'd let himself down... and worst of all, he'd let Scully down.

She walked to the door and opened it, waiting for him to leave. Mulder reluctantly complied, but turned to face her just outside the door. All he could do was stare at her.

She closed the door, and as he stood staring at it, he saw: the answer was just there, so clearly before him, and he wondered why it had taken this to make him see it. In that moment, he finally recognized the thing that had been between them all those weeks since her return: fear. His fear. The agony of losing her the first time had almost cost him his soul, but the second time, something even more sinister had happened— he'd tried to forget her. With Lily there to buffer the pain, he'd let himself focus on the little girl, without whom he'd probably have spent those months either traversing the country following false leads or hibernating in his dark apartment locked in despair. He'd wanted to put a distance between himself and Scully to make the pain of her absence bearable, and Lily was the only thing that could've made that possible. But it had worked too well, and once she'd been returned, he'd found he couldn't quite get it back.

The irony was now, faced with the reality of not seeing her again, he could finally see it. He knew what he wanted— Scully, and what they'd had together, even if that meant risking losing his sanity if she were taken again. But he feared it was too late; the damage had been done. 

*********************** 

Scully thought that she might turn what had happened with Mulder into something positive by enjoying some one on one time with Lily, but it wasn't that simple. Mulder had been her friend long before they became intimate and she missed him, in spite of everything. As she sat watching Lily play on the floor, Scully's eyes drifted up to the window just above her. The dark and dismal day reflected her mood.

"Want see Daddy..."

Scully sat forward on the couch with her hands locked in front of her. It was the millionth time since Mulder had been gone that she'd heard that request, and it still hit her hard every time she heard it. The two had been inseparable during her absence, and now they hadn't seen each other in weeks. She knew it must be killing him, but the thought of seeing Mulder was more than she could bear. She just wasn't ready.

"Mommy..."

Scully's eyes were focused on the floor. She didn't know what to say to her.

"Mommy..."

What could she say?

"Want see Daddy."

"He's not—“ she started, then stopped herself, sick with shame; it was the one thing she had promised herself she would never, ever do.

And she knew it was wrong to keep her from him.

*****************************

The light from the TV lit his features in harsh lines. Mulder stretched and pulled his feet up onto the coffee table; he was an hour into the game but couldn't seem to remember who was playing or what the score was. Another wild night chez Mulder, he thought wryly, come on in and enjoy the pity-fest. A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts and he got up off the couch. "Who is it?"

After a moment, the response came: "Scully."

Mulder picked up his pace to the door and flipped on the light before opening it. For a moment he was so happy to see his partner and friend, that all he could do was stare, and he almost didn't see her companion. He looked down as an excited noise drifted up from the floor.

Lily's mouth was open in a wide smile as she beamed up at him. She outstretched her arms to him, bouncing up and down as she did.

"Hey..." Mulder pulled her up into his arms and gave her a hug. His eyes met Scully's over Lily's shoulder: thank you.

Scully looked away and entered the apartment. She didn't want to be there, but she had come— for Lily.

Mulder set Lily back on the floor and closed the door. He turned around to face Scully as Lily ran around the apartment investigating various objects. Why had she come? He didn't dare to think...

"Mulder..." Scully cautioned; she could see the hope in his eyes. "I just... Lily wanted to see you, and I didn't think it was fair for me to keep her from doing so." She stepped closer and lowered her voice. "I didn't want her to think she did anything wrong." The implication was clear: SHE hadn't done anything wrong— HE had. Not that she needed to remind him of that.

"So, for now, anytime you want to see her, just call my mom and we'll set something up."

Mulder's stomach tightened as he tried to imagine that particular conversation... Hi Mrs. Scully, it's Fox, the cheat who broke your daughter's heart. Mind if I come over and see your darling granddaughter? He stared at her with his unspoken question: I couldn't just call you?

Scully shook her head back at him. She couldn't... couldn't face hearing from him like that on a regular basis. At least for now.

****************************

It was more than he could've hoped for, to be able to spend time with Lily again.  Mulder had missed her so much.  And he couldn't help but think this might be a first step towards healing his relationship with Scully. Still, he didn't want to push it, so he laid low.

That was, until he saw *him* again...

Grocery shopping was a mindless task, and Mulder was on autopilot as he moved up and down the aisles, picking the usual items off the shelves. It was late at night, the best time to do that kind of thing as far as he was concerned, because he could avoid the crowds. His mind was elsewhere, thinking about what he was going to do with Lily next time she visited, with the game that was on tomorrow, with the serious lack of interesting cases at work lately... everything but the task at hand. But the sight of the familiar man snapped him immediately to attention. He paused and stared at him, standing at the end of the aisle. 

Then Mulder was sure, it was him— the guy he thought he'd seen outside the courthouse the day he was granted temporary custody of Lily, and soon after that at different store. Mulder continued to stare at him... it *was* the same guy, wasn't it? Or was his paranoia getting the best of him?

He went down the aisle towards the other man, and as he did the stranger turned away to face the refrigerated dairy cases he was standing in front of. Mulder moved alongside him.

"Seems like an awful lot of choices for some plain old milk, don't you think?"

Mulder smiled non-committally and looked back through the case. Okay, maybe he WAS a little paranoid.

"One percent, two percent, the organic stuff. You know research shows that Bovine Growth Hormone is completely safe."

Mulder looked back at him.

“Of course, that's what they're saying NOW." He shrugged. "Who knows what they'll say ten, fifteen years from now."

Mulder's interest was piqued as the man turned to face him.

"That's why longitudinal research is so important."

Mulder shook his head at him; he wasn't quite getting it. "What are you telling me?" 

"Me? Nothing... I'm just making small talk."

Mulder eyed him; he didn't buy that for a second.

"Just pointing out all these healthy choices, you know? Important to take care of yourself. And your loved ones..."

A pit formed in his midsection, a black hole that seemed to draw all the oxygen from his lungs. Those words and the message behind them sent Mulder into a state of near panic... and into flight.

**************************** 

"Get your things." Mulder breezed by Scully as she stood in her doorway and started directly for her bedroom.

"What?"

He turned and motioned to her room. "Come on..." When she didn't move, he walked back to where she was standing and gently took hold of her arm, leading her toward the hallway.

"What the hell are you doing Mulder?" She broke free and stood her ground.

Mulder turned back around and went to the bedroom without her.

She followed. ”Mulder! What is going on here?" In the bedroom, he was rummaging through her closet for her suitcase. 

"Where's Lily?"

"It's eleven o’clock at night, Mulder; she's sleeping."

"Wake her up." He moved past her and headed down the hall to Lily's room. Scully caught up with him just outside the door but wasn't successful in beating him to the knob. He went in and bent over Lily's small bed, laying a hand on her chest to rouse her. "Wake up, Spud," he said softly.  As she stirred Mulder went to the closet and pulled her small Ninja Turtles suitcase out.  By the time he turned around and deposited it on the bed, Lily was sitting up and had turned on her bedside light. Mulder took out her top dresser drawer and dumped it on the bed.

Scully watched him, dumbfounded, then finally found her voice again. "Mulder, have you lost your mind?!”

When Lily saw what he was doing, she started helping him stuff things in her case, commenting on the items as she placed them. "Socks. Under-wears."

"I'll explain it to you when we get there, Scully." Finished, he zipped up Lily's suitcase and left the room, with the little girl at his heels.

Scully headed out after them. "Get where??" Back in the living room, Mulder was zipping up Lily's coat over her p.j.'s. "Okay. Is there anything else she's going to need?"

Scully stared at him.

“Toothbrush— I'll get it."

She moved to block him. "Just hold on a minute! We're not going anywhere with you!"

Lily observed the scene with interest, a finger playing absentmindedly with her bottom lip.

"I'm not going to argue with you about this, Scully!" He lowered his voice and spoke to her through clenched teeth. "This is serious! Look, I'll explain everything to you later." He disappeared down the hall.

"Daddy's MAD," Lily observed.

Scully turned to face her.

"Okay. I got yours too," Mulder said as he reentered the living area. “Do you want to pack a bag or not?”  Getting no response, he picked up Lily in one arm and her suitcase in the other before heading towards the door.

Scully continued to stare at him, her resistance starting to wane. Lily was wrong, he was beyond mad, he was frantic. And he wouldn't have just barged in in the middle of the night and awakened Lily for nothing. "Wait a second,” she said, moving to her desk and unlocking the top drawer. Clipping her holstered gun to the back of her pants, she picked up her coat from the seat it was draped over and looked back up at him. She hesitated, not quite convinced she hadn't lost her mind, too. Finally, she nodded. "All right. Let's go."

~~~~~~~

The Offspring 6: Escape

They drove for three days. Scenery rushed by them in a blur of urban and rural landscapes, blending into one another in an indiscriminate sea of images. Late at night the third day, the motion of the car slowing woke Scully as she dozed in the passenger seat. She was surprised to see Mulder pulling into a motel parking lot. "What are we doing?"

"Stopping for the night."

They'd been driving for several days, with only the occasional break to grab a bite to eat or to switch drivers, so Scully wondered why he wanted to stop now. "If you're tired I can take this shift..."

"No that's all right. I think it's safe to stay here a few nights. I have to make some phone calls, and besides, Lily needs to sleep in a real bed."

Scully continued to stare at him.

"What is it?"

"I don't know Mulder." She didn't really believe it, but she asked the question anyway. "This is really why you brought us here? Why you took us away?"

He held her gaze. "This isn't about us, Scully."

They both looked over the seat at the little girl snoozing in the back, her mouth open slightly in slumber. No, it really wasn't about them at all.

********************

Remembering Mulder's words two days later, Scully had to admit, it *had* been nice to sleep in a real bed. And, as the water ran gently over her skin, she thought how great it was to be able to take a hot shower as well. Two days were all the respite they would get, however—tomorrow they were planning on starting out again. Mulder had been pretty tight-lipped about what he had in mind for them, but he had filled her in about the man in the store and his fears about what seeing him again might mean. In another time, she might have dismissed those fears as paranoia; but after all they'd been through, when it came to dealing with those who had taken her away, Scully trusted him with her life. 

When she came out of the bathroom, Mulder was packing up their things in preparation for their departure the next morning. He was folding Lily's clothes with meticulous care, and she felt the anger warring against the love she had for him as she watched. How could he have done this to them? You were both to blame, an inner voice reminded her. YOU were the one who let yourself get involved with him to begin with, against your better judgement, and you knew it wouldn't be easy. Being in love with Fox Mulder condemned you to ride a stormy sea, but you willingly boarded the boat. The relationship had been complicated before you slept together—-did you think it would be any different afterwards? Scully squelched the voice; she'd been over-analyzing the situation for weeks now and she was sick to death of thinking about it. "Don't forget these." She picked up Lily's shoes from the floor and helped him with the packing.

And so it was for three weeks, traveling from one podunk town to another, with only the occasional stop over to break up the monotony of being on the road. Most of the time, Lily's chatter kept them occupied, and they were able to avoid talking to each other. But Scully found that sometimes, when Lily was asleep in the backseat and the silence fell, she had the urge to question Mulder about what had happened, to talk to him about it. She absurdly found herself wanting to know what the woman was wearing and how it had started and how long it lasted— every little detail, as if reliving it like that would exorcise the painful demon. But her questions were not verbalized. She couldn't bring herself to ask him. As much as she wanted to know, she couldn't bear to hear it. Besides, their problems had become secondary. In a way, what had happened between them seemed a distant memory; protecting Lily was the most important thing— to both of them.

But inevitably Scully turned to look at Mulder, finding she couldn't escape thinking about what had happened for long. Necessity and being in such close quarters with Lily had forced them into a truce, but it was fragile and uncomfortable at best.

It was so odd, how much things had changed in such a short period of time. When she was returned this last time, everything had started gathering momentum and spinning out of control, cumulating with Mulder's dancing dangerously close to a casual encounter with some stranger. If he had… Scully closed her eyes and tried to banish the images from her mind. The fact that she still loved him was the most infuriating part. But she had always loved him, and probably always would. Mulder had once said to her that their lives were inextricably wound together through some act of fate or destiny, and over time, she'd come to believe that as well. Good times and bad, she knew Mulder would always be a part of her life. She also knew what he'd done had been a terrible mistake, one that he would spend the rest of his life regretting. But it didn't make it any easier to forget. 

She took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak when she realized they'd pulled up to another motel.

Mulder turned to face her. "This'll do." He regarded her expression. "Were you going to say something?"

"No. I just... So are we grabbing a bite to eat?"

Lily scooted forward and poked her head between their seats. "Want pancakes."

Mulder smiled and met Scully's eyes. "She's got your appetite, Scully."

The corner of her mouth turned up at him, and their eyes held for a moment. Scully's expression turned serious again. "So you didn't answer me..."

"I'm beat; figured we could break for the night."

"Pancakes," Lily reminded him.

"After pancakes."

*************************************

Later that night, Scully came out of the shower and pulled her drying tee shirt off the back of the door, but it was still too damp to wear.  They’d purchased a couple of shirts and essentials along the way, but she still was left with about three things to choose from.  She sighed and pulled the work shirt she’d worn that day back on.   Out in the room, Mulder was playing cards with Lily on one of the double beds. She picked up Lily's pajamas from the chair and went to them. "Come on you, time for bed."

Mulder looked up at her expectantly.

She smirked at him. "Not you, Mulder."

"I got excited there for a minute," he joked, then regretted it— it was too soon to joke. But Scully didn't seem to mind, and he was relieved. What had happened between them seemed a lifetime ago, like some hazy memory of a dream, and Mulder was grateful for moments like that, when he could pretend everything was all right between them.

"No time for sleeping yet, Mommy,” Lily said, in a tone that suggested her mother was simply mistaken.

Scully smiled through the stern look she was trying to maintain. "Yes it is, Lily. Come on now, let's get your p.j.'s on." 

Mulder moved from the bed as Scully pulled back the covers. She knelt on the floor as Lily settled on the bed's edge, and started to remove her socks. As she was doing so, she felt Lily's finger come to rest on the back of her neck.

"Ouch."

Scully reached up to touch the spot and then realized what Lily had seen— her scar. Oh God, the chip—She stood and looked over at Mulder, their eyes locking as they shared the same thought: they once suspected that chip had been used as a tracking device... "Mulder..."

He got up and moved to her. "Scully don't panic. Look, we never proved that, it was only a theory." 

"But what if we were right?"

"Scully..."

"What if we were right, Mulder?"

"Even if we were," he stopped, placing his hands on his hips. "There's nothing we can do about it."

"Yes there is."

He knew where she was going; he shook his head at her.

"Mulder we have to take it out."

"No."

“Mulder—"

"We still don't know if removing that chip caused your cancer, Scully."

"We don't know that it did, either."

He made a definitive gesture with his hand and started to pace. "You're not taking it out."

"You don't have any right—“

"YOU have no right!" He stopped, glancing uncomfortably at Lily, then went over to Scully. He led her across the room and whispered to her. "Being taken away or watching your mother die, Scully. You tell me: which is worse?"

Scully stared at the wall. "It's an impossible choice, Mulder. You can't know..."

He nodded at her. "Exactly."

She considered his words. When she looked back up at him, her eyes were hollow and sad, because he was right.

************************

That night Scully woke with a start, fear gripping her like a fist. She looked over at Lily sleeping beside her, then at Mulder in the next bed. Everything seemed quiet, but she couldn't shake the feeling. She slid quietly from bed and went to rouse Mulder.

He rolled over to face her. "Scully?" He propped himself up on an elbow. "What's wrong?"

She stared blankly at him, not knowing what to say. Nothing was wrong, at least, nothing she could substantiate. "I don't know."

He sat up and ran a hand back through his hair. "You don't know?" 

The feeling wouldn't go away, and Scully continued to stare at him. "I guess it's nothing. I'm sorry I woke you." She started to stand, then hesitated as she became aware of a low humming noise. Mulder heard it too, and their eyes held as they listened to the sound. They turned their heads in unison towards the minibar, at first thinking the sound was coming from the small fridge. As it grew louder, their attention turned to the window... no, it was definitely coming from outside.

Mulder slid his gun off the night table and disabled the safety. "Stay here."

The hallway was dimly lit and smelled of cheap carpet as she watched Mulder move down to the double doors. When he opened them, a different odor wafter in and slid down the corridor. Something familiar, yet she couldn't quite put her finger on it. Something... metallic...

With a start Mulder bolted back through the doors and into their room.

Scully woke Lily. The little girl sat up and looked around the room, listening to that strange noise. Her expression changed from curiosity to recognition. "Go Mommy," she said, placing her hands on Scully's arm and trying to get her to move. "Hide."

"Lily..." Scully restrained her as she began to squirm in her arms. "Lily calm down." 

"No!" She closed her eyes tightly and balled her hands into fists. "No no no no!"

She turned to look at Mulder over her shoulder. "We have to get out of here. Now."

“Scully—“

“NOW, Mulder—“ She didn't get to finish the thought; light flooded the room, blinding them in a harsh, cold glare. Scully slid to the floor with Lily to take shelter between the beds.

Mulder hurried to them, covering them both with his own body. A repulsive warmth encompassed him as the light slid up his back, Scully’s skin began to tingle. Mulder tightened his grip on them...

**********************

The ringing in her ears was absurdly loud. For a moment, in the haze she tried to wake from, she was sure there was an alarm going off somewhere around her; that noise could not be coming from inside her head.

But it was. When she finally opened her eyes and looked around, the dingy green and orange bedspread let her know she was in a motel room, but she couldn't remember where. She sat up. Mulder was lying on the other bed. Okay, they must have been on the road working on a case... but what case? And what was Mulder doing on the other bed? They were alone in the room, both fully clothed and apparently unharmed. "Mulder?" 

He seemed to have an easier time waking than she had; he slowly opened his eyes and turned to look at her. "Scully?" He looked around the room, then sat up to face her.

She couldn't seem to remember... anything. Her recent past was a blank. She had the strangest sense that she was dreaming. Was she?  "Mulder what happened?"

Scully could see he was searching his mind for an answer, but there was nothing—just a stark emptiness. A strange unease persisted in the air around them, but they couldn't figure out why... she and Mulder, though a little disoriented, appeared to be fine, and everything in the room was in place.

Finally, he looked up at her. "I don't know."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Offspring 7: Getting to Nowhere 

4/98

Scully was suddenly standing in front of her apartment door, but she couldn't remember how she'd arrived there. Mulder had dropped her off— that much she knew. But she couldn't recall getting from the motel they'd come to in to her apartment building. She looked down towards one end of the hallway, then the other. It was late, so she wasn't expecting to see anyone around; but it was unnaturally still. The sound of her key turning in the lock echoed in the quiet corridor.

She paused just inside her apartment and took in her surroundings. For some reason they seemed unfamiliar to her. She felt like a stranger moving through her apartment, looking around as if she hadn't been there in years. The place felt like *no one* had been there in years. But that was ridiculous— wasn't it? Maybe, but she couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right; the apartment was too... sterile.

The phone rang out, causing her to startle. She went to pick it up. "Hello?"

"Scully it's me."

"Hi." She wondered if her partner was feeling the same way. "What are you doing?" 

"Just settling in. How about you?"

"Same." There was a long pause. Neither of them seemed to want to break the connection. "Mulder? Can I ask you a favor?"

"Sure."

She pinched the area on the bridge of her nose where her glasses might have rested. "I feel foolish even asking this..."

Sometime later Scully slid into bed, not at all tired but at the same time wanting to sleep, to bring an end to this strange day.  During her time with Mulder, they’d encountered many unusual cases, had numerous strange experiences.  But this time, it was different. She felt trapped inside a dream she couldn’t wake up from.

She listened to the sound of the TV in the other room as Mulder watched the news, and once again wondered if he was feeling as out of it as she was. Maybe he was, since he had agreed to come over and then offered to bunk down on her couch for the night without asking for an explanation. It was as if they'd both tacitly agreed that neither of them wanted to be alone tonight. Slowly, her eyes panned over the objects in her bedroom. Everything was in order. Perfect order. Had she always been so meticulous? She didn't think so, and yet... it was eerie. She turned off the light and, eventually, succumbed to sleep.

*****************************

The next thing she knew she was in the kitchen, sending a clatter of  clanking of pots and pans, of cupboards as they were carelessly opened and left to bang closed, assaulting Mulder into wakefulness. He stumbled into the kitchen groggy and confused and trying to get his bearings. "Scully?"

She continued to frantically pour through her cabinets.

 "Scully what are you doing?" She didn't answer him. "Scully?" Mulder went to her as she crouched down in front of one of the bottom cabinets, pulling things out and sending them clamoring across the floor. He took hold of her shoulders and forced her to face him. "Scully stop it! What's wrong?"

She looked at him, helpless and confused.

"What are you doing? What are you looking for?"

“I—I don't know..." 

"Come here," he said gently, taking her hands in his.

She resisted him. "No, Mulder, I can't. I'm looking..." Her voice trailed off as she examined the floor around her.

"Looking for what?"

She continued to scan the floor.

"What are you trying to find, Scully?" He smoothed a strand of hair back off her face. "Tell me and I'll help you."

"I don't know," she said lowly, tears welling in her eyes. "I can't remember."

"It's all right," he soothed, pulling her to a stand with him. "Come here, come with me." This time she complied, walking with him to the couch and taking a seat beside him, but her eyes continued to survey the dark apartment. Mulder watched her with concern.

"Talk to me, Scully— let me help you."

"You can't." Her eyes would or could not stop their searching. "You can't help."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"Are you afraid?"

"Yes. No... I don't know, Mulder." His concern deepened; he had never seen her like this. She was completely unraveled.

"Scully..." he turned her face towards his. Finally, she met his eyes. "I'm here," he said tenderly.

And then she felt ashamed; his face so close to hers had caused her to suddenly have the absurd desire to kiss him. She had no idea where it came from, and yet the urge persisted, lingering like a sweet memory. It was weird. Her eyes slid away from his. 

"Just... take your time. Try and remember what you're looking for."

She was staring blankly at her hands now, still unable to answer him. 

“Scully, I don’t want to believe it but… I don’t know why, but I think you’re having some kind of acute Post Traumatic Stress reaction.” 

Her stomach tightened involuntarily. What had happened to them? Why couldn't they remember? Was it too horrible to remember? She looked back at her partner. 

Mulder attempted to help guide her back. "Was it something to do with the case we were working on?" 

"The case?" The word echoed in her mind, carrying back to her the distant sound of their voices from a long-ago memory. [What are you doing, Scully?][I'm proceeding with the case...]

Something changed in her eyes then, something that looked like the dawn of realization. 

"I'm proceeding with the case," she said absently, but her eyes were wide.

"What? Did you hear what I said?" And then she could see Mulder was feeling it too, staring at her as if he’d had the strongest sense of déjà vu, like they'd had this conversation before.

She turned to look at him. "There's nothing wrong with my hearing."

A tiny, single bubble of memory drifted to the surface, and when it burst, all the memories came flooding back with it...

And they remembered.

Scully couldn't breathe; she clutched her stomach, the heartache she felt strong enough to be registering as physical pain. "Oh my God Mulder..." She turned to look at him. "Lily..." It was too much; her sense of reality was spinning away from her, unraveling her sanity, and she wanted to die.

****************************

"Scully?"

This time his voice sounded odd— far away and muffled. Had she passed out? He called her name again, and then she could feel his hand on her face, pulling her through the thick haze of sleep.

Sleep? Her eyes snapped open and she pushed herself up onto her elbows. A tremendous sense of relief settled over her; dreaming—she’d been dreaming after all. But it was different. ”Mulder..." She looked around the room quickly until, at last, her eyes settled on what they had been seeking: Lily was wandering back in from the bathroom.

They were all still there in the dingy motel room, safe— for now.

"Scully are you all right? You were having a nightmare."

"Nightmare?" No, that was wrong—it wasn't a nightmare. It was something much stronger, much more vivid. Exactly like what she'd experienced the night Lily was taken away...

She got up quickly and started gathering Lily's things. "Come on, Lily, get your shoes on."

"Not morning time, Mommy."

"I know but we have to go," Scully said as she continued to pack their things. She glanced up and caught Lily looking at Mulder for confirmation. A knife through the heart could not have hurt more. She swallowed. "You can sleep some more in the car, okay?"

"What are you doing Scully? It's two a.m."

"We have to get out of here, Mulder."

Taking off in the middle of the night was becoming a matter of course for Lily, and she took it in stride. Pulling her jacket from the back of a chair, she worked at putting it on. But her coat wouldn't cooperate, and Lily tried to pull her arm from the wrong sleeve she'd put it in.

"What are you talking about, we don’t have any reason to believe we’re not safe here."

"No, we're not safe here. Not anymore. We have to leave."

"How do you know that?"

"Look I'm not going to waste time arguing with you. We're leaving; are you coming or not?"

Mulder looked at her, and he trusted her enough not to push it. He started helping Lily with her coat.

******************************

Mulder’s contacts proved to be an invaluable resource for them on the road—securing safe motels and other stay-over pit stops along the way.  And, he'd managed to procure them a place to stay— a long-term hideout tucked safely away in the middle of nowhere. Unfortunately, nowhere wasn't easy to get to.

The bus rolled slowly along, a trail of dust spooling out in its wake in the dull countryside. They'd been on that bus for what seemed like hours and Scully didn't think the scenery had changed one bit. As she shifted against unyielding velour fabric, she found herself wishing they hadn't decided on ditching their rental car so quickly. 

Scully looked from the window to the seat beside her and smiled; at least Lily was enjoying herself. A young Native American gentleman with a long dark ponytail had been fascinating the little girl with card tricks and slights of hand since he got on in Fairview. He smiled across the aisle at Lily’s encouragement: "You do that again please." As he obliged, Scully sat forward to see if she could catch sight of Mulder. The bus was packed and he'd had to take a seat somewhere up front. Since he was the only one who knew how to get where they were going, she didn't want to lose him. She smiled inwardly. Not that Mulder would ever let them get lost.

"I try now, okay?"

Scully turned her attention back to Lily as she attempted to shuffle cards that were two sizes too big for her small hands. Her tongue poked out the side of her mouth in intense concentration.

"Scully."

They turned toward Mulder as he came to stand in the aisle before them.

"Look!" Lily held out the cards to him. "Sufflin'! Henry show me."

Mulder met the man's smile with one of his own. "I think she's ready for Vegas, Henry." He turned his attention back to Scully and indicated the station they were pulling up in front of. "This is it." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lily hopped off the last stair as Mulder and Scully followed her off the bus, then ran off to investigate a nearby pile of crates. Mulder watched as a large horsefly emerged from one of the slats and hovered around her head. Lily froze, a little startled, then smiled. "No can get me, bee!" she taunted, running around to avoid it. She ran into Mulder and wrapped her arms around his leg. "Bee get me!"

Mulder smiled at her. "That's not a bee, Spud. It's a fly."

"Shoo fly."

Scully stood on the platform as Mulder released himself from Lily's hold and started pulling their bags from beneath the bus. She took the opportunity to survey their surroundings. The "platform" they were standing on was actually the back delivery ramp of some greasy spoon. A heavy, deep-fried odor was emanating from the back door of the diner, and Scully found herself craving some fries. But as they rounded the building and approached the entrance, Scully realized that if she wanted to eat, this would have to be the place. The pitiful strip of stores that made up the better part of town only had one restaurant, and they were standing in front of it. Her lips compressed in disapproval. Welcome to Mayberry...

“What’s that?"

Scully didn't realize she'd said it out loud. "I said 'Welcome to Mayberry'."

"Derry, actually."

"Close enough." The rest of the buildings were blended together in muted reddish clay and dark wood. Scully hadn't thought towns like that really existed except in dime store Western novels and old-timey films. "What are we doing, Mulder?"

He indicated a long building at the end of the strip that was detached from the rest. A neon sign with missing black letters was posted out front: "Welcom to the erry Moto Lo g "

"Oh, the eerie moto log. How appropriate." Her empty stomach and the stifling heat were conspiring to make her feel light-headed and punchy.

"Don't knock it Scully, a hot shower and fresh sheets sound pretty good to me."

Scully regarded him as he smiled back at her, the shadow of three-day stubble darkening his jaw and a dry breeze blowing through his shaggy hair; he contrasted sharply with the intense sunlight beating down on them. The color rose in her cheeks as he continued to stare at her.

"We eat now, okay? Hungry."

"Yeah," Mulder responded. "Yeah we can eat. Why don't you two go in and order, I'll go get us a room at the Lodge."

Scully's eyes continued to pass over the pitiful landscape of the town that would be their temporary home. Her eyes came to rest on the small salon across the street with an old wooden sign on its main window: "Pearle's Curl Up & Dye." Wonderful. An image came to her suddenly of seeing herself exiting the "Curl Up & Dye" with a lovely new bee-hive hairdo. She looked down at Lily and saw her with the same dreadful style, and stifled a laugh.

Mulder looked at her, surprised. "What?"

Embarrassed, Scully tried to keep her expression serious, but when she looked back at Mulder all she could see was her partner with sideburns and a pompadour that would put The King to shame. She put a hand over her mouth.

"What's gotten into you Scully?"

She avoided his eyes. "I think I've been in this heat too long," she muttered, regaining her composure at last. She reached for Lily's hand.

Mulder stared at her, intrigued and a little enraptured by her uncharacteristic behavior. More than anything, he wanted to see more of that side of her. He wished she would let him in.

"We'll meet you inside."

He watched as they headed off.

Scully and Lily made their way into the restaurant and slid into one of the booths. Several minutes later Mulder joined them. "Well, we're all set. I didn't have any trouble getting us a room; apparently this isn't their busy season," Mulder joked.

“I ordered for all of us,” Scully informed him absently.  She was anxious to talk about a plan.  “Mulder what are we doing?"

"I told you—“

"No, you didn't. I mean not specifically anyway. What are we doing, really?"

He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. "Some people launder money, Scully; we're laundering our identities. In a manner of speaking."

"I don't understand."

"It's only temporary." Mulder paused as the waitress placed their plates in front of them, then filled Scully in a bit as they worked on their sandwiches.

She passed a napkin over her mouth. "How are we supposed to get out there to this safe house?"

"There should be a truck waiting for us tomorrow morning outside the motel. So, we'll camp here for the night, and tomorrow head out to our final destination."

"And we can stay there indefinitely?"

"Absolutely. Like I said, this place will be ours for as long as we need it."

"And how long do you think *that* will be?" she asked uneasily.

The waitress interrupted them. "You want to take that with you?" She indicated the small tower of bread and lettuce Lily was constructing with their leftovers.

Mulder reached for his wallet. "No we're all set.  Thank you.”

As they gathered their things to leave, Scully observed the waitress behind the counter and the few patrons scattered around the tables eyeballing them. In his rush to get to them, Mulder hadn't packed a suitcase for himself either, and although he’d picked up a spare change of clothes, today he was still wearing his suit. Scully was dressed a little more casually, but they still stood out. Rumpled as they were, there was no doubt about it— they looked like a couple of feds. They were going to need some clothes.

***********************

Scully paced in the motel, waiting for Mulder to return. She glanced at Lily as she sat on the floor in front of the bed watching "Doug", then back at her watch. Mulder had been gone a few hours, and should've returned by now. Just as she was getting ready to take Lily and go look for him, he came through the door, balancing several bags and a box of pizza.

"Sorry it took so long. You guys hungry?"

"Yes please pizza," Lily answered.

"Mulder where have you been? We've been waiting for hours."

"I had a lot to get done, Scully."

"I imagine you could hit every store in town and still only spend 30 minutes— tops," she said wryly.

“Well I had to go to the next town to find actual stores," he said, rummaging through one of the bags, “and I had some trouble picking out these..." Mulder pulled out a dress and handed it to Scully.

She stared at it, a simple cotton garment with a tiny floral design. "You've got to be kidding."

He smiled and pulled a similar, smaller dress from another bag and gave it to Lily. The little girl looked from her mother to Mulder and back to the dress. "Yuck," she commented.

"So much for my taste in clothes."

Scully threw the dress over a chair. "I'm with Lily, Mulder. Couldn't you have just bought some jeans or something?"

"A woman in pants is still a source for scandal in these parts, Scully."

"That's ridiculous." She watched as he started to pass out slices of pizza. "Isn't it?"

He smiled in response and handed Lily her soda. 

"Thanks." Lily took hold of the straw and started yanking it in and out of the lid to make a squeaky noise.

Scully reached out and placed her hand on top of it, her patience nearing its limit. "Stop that, Lily. Settle down.” She turned her attention back to Mulder as Lily folded her arms in front of her, sitting back in the chair and giving Scully her best you-never-let-me-have-any-fun look. "Well anyway, we need to talk."

"What about?"

"You told me what we're doing, but you haven't told me why you think this is going to work." 

"Not now." His eyes drifted to Lily and back. "Later."

Scully watched as he took a seat next to Lily and helped her with her pizza. He seemed to do that kind of thing without even thinking. It was the kind of thing someone who'd spent a lot of time with a kid would do. It was the kind of thing a father would do.

The conflicting emotions rose in her once again. As much as she respected the relationship Mulder had with Lily, there was always that part of her that was a little bit jealous of it. If her own relationship with Lily were healed, it probably wouldn't bother her at all. But the fact that she was still struggling with her daughter made it difficult to watch.

*******************************

"Mulder..." Scully didn't want to put it off any longer; several hours had passed and it was fast approaching midnight.

He glanced over at Lily, and seeing that she was finally sleeping soundly, he got up and moved to the table. He motioned for Scully to join him.

"Do we have some kind of plan?" she asked, taking a seat across from him.

Mulder nodded. "I'm going to go back and make things right. I'm going to fix this."

"*You're* going ...?"

"I want you and Lily to stay here."

“Mulder—"

He held up a hand to her. "It's not safe for you two to go back."

"And it is for you?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "But I'll be able to do more alone."

Scully lowered her eyes momentarily, feeling frustrated because she knew he was right— she needed to stay and protect Lily. "What do you have in mind, Mulder?"

Leaning forward on the table, he lowered his voice and regarded her intensely. "If we assume that what our friend told you is correct, and you— possibly Lily, too— are part of some longitudinal... 'research' project, then it would be important to collect data at regular intervals."

"I'm not following you."

"Okay. You know that with longitudinal research it’s important to gather your data at specific intervals, and that all your subjects are tested at those same intervals."

“Right...so?"

"So if you were unable to gather data on a subject at the right time, it would effect your data—“

"And make the subject unviable."

He nodded at her across the table. "Exactly."

"But Mulder, we've already considered the possibility that Lily was returned to distract us somehow, just like my own initial disappearance." She still couldn't bring herself to use the word ‘abduction.' "The research is most likely incidental."

"Her value as a research subject could be secondary, Scully. I've thought about that, too. But I think that while she may have initially been returned as a distraction, why would she be taken and returned again? And what about the other girls? I think the reasons you both were initially taken are no longer as important as the reason behind the subsequent abductions."

Scully's eyes fell to the table as she let it sink in. If Lily lost her value as a test subject, she might not get taken again. My God, if he was right... "But I don't understand—why do you have to go back then? Why don't we just keep moving until the testing window passes?"

"How would we know for certain? I want to be absolutely sure that it has. Or that it will." He glanced down at the table as Scully's gaze held him. They both knew that the next scheduled testing window could be years away. Quite possibly when Lily reached her teen years.  He met her eyes again.  “I’m not planning on being gone that long, Scully. Just until I can be sure neither of you will be taken again."

Scully was having a hard time imagining being in exile *with* Mulder; having to do it without him was devastating. But she knew he was right— there was no other way.

CONTINUED